Making conversation at the office can be awkward. Stay all business and you risk coming across as a buttoned-up, stuffy person who doesn’t know how to cut loose. Too nice? You might find yourself taken for granted or even passed over for promotions. And if your conversations are too casual, you may find that you’re not taken seriously. How do you strike the perfect balance when making workday chat? The techniques in this slide will help you improve your conversational skills in no time.

1. CONVERSATIONALSKILLS
Mastering the art of small talk
People. Performance.Possibilities.
NG
Edward Ating
Learning Expert

2. CourseContent
2
Module 1 – Starting a Conversation
 Relationship Initiation and Self-Disclosure
 Uncertainty Reduction Theory
 Language Pattern
 Features of a Good Conversation
Module 2 – Communication Fundamentals
 NLP Communication Model
 Listening
 SATIR Communication Techniques
 Nonverbal Immediacy
Module 3 – The Neuroscience of Conversation
 Dimensions of Conversation
 Wired for Trust
 The Amygdala and The Prefrontal Cortex
 Co-Regulation
Module 4 – Interactive Conversation
 The use of metaphor
 Skills for Interactive Conversation
 10 ways to have a better conversation

3. LearningOutcome
1. Understand conversational skill and its
role in relationship initiation
2. Recognize the levels of anxiety and
uncertainty management theory.
3. Learn ways of how to have a better
conversation.
4. Understand the neuroscience of
conversation.
5. Improve their conversation in a
professional way.
3
At the end of the training, delegates will be able to

4. Module 1 – Starting a conversation

5. 5

6. Introduction
6
Conversation, as a social construct, serves as a building block in the creation and
maintenance of relationships. It also serves as a gateway, which if navigated successfully,
can lead you to the information or results you want. On the surface, conversation is a
simple dialogue of thoughts and ideas, but underneath, it carries rich opportunities to
build and strengthen bonds, uncover new information, and present information of your
own.

7.  Startingaconversation
7
Situations where you might want to strike up a conversation
 Ending up at the lunch table with people from another job department or school class.
 Standing with others in the hallway waiting for class to start.
 Sitting next to another traveler on the train or plan
Don’t ask direct
questions
Ask a simple question about
the situation rather than the
other person
Example
“Excuse me, do you know if they serve snacks here?”

8.  RelationshipInitiation
8
Why do people initiate relationships in the first place? Here are four reasons why
1
2
3
4
People initiate relationships with
those they see as attractive
People initiate relationships based on proximity
People initiate relationships with those
who are useful to them
People initiate relationships with others because
humans are naturally social.

9.  UncertaintyReductionTheory
9
The uncertainty reduction theory, also known as initial interaction theory, is one of the
only communication theories that specifically looks into the initial interaction between
people prior to the actual communication process. The theory asserts the notion that,
when interacting, people need information about the other party in order to reduce their
uncertainty. In gaining this information people are able to predict the other's behavior
and resulting actions, all of which according to the theory is crucial in the development of
any relationship.
The Two Types of uncertainty
1. Cognitive uncertainty
 Beliefs & Thought process
2. Behavioral uncertainty
 Predictability of behaviour
Charles Berger and Richard Calabrese (1975)

10.  LanguagePattern
10
As human beings, we communicate through our senses - although it's unusual to find
someone who communicates via smell or taste. We, therefore, word everything in terms
of sight, vision and feel.

11. LanguagePatternCont’d
11
Visual
People who communicate from a visual perspective might use words such as view, sight,
see, picture, overview, saw - you get the idea, do you know anyone who uses a visual
communication style?
Auditory
People who use an auditory style of communication might use words such as hear,
sound, tone, listen, in-tune, vibe or wavelength
Kinesthetic
Someone who is kinesthetically based might use words such as touch, feel, grip,
concrete, smooth, rough.

12. 3StrategiesofUncertaintyReductionTheory
12
PASSIVE STRATEGY - Reducing uncertainties by unobtrusive observation

13. 3StrategiesofUncertaintyReductionTheoryCont’d
13
ACTIVE STRATEGY - Exists when someone engages in some type of effort other than
direct contact to find out more about someone

14. 3StrategiesofUncertaintyReductionTheoryCont’d
14
INTERACTIVE STRATEGY - Engage in direct contact or face-to-face interaction.
Conversation that may include self-disclosure, direct questioning and other information
seeking techniques.

15.  FeaturesofaGoodConversation
15
Should shift
back and forth
Clear and
Concise
Delivers
complete
message

16.  Self-Disclosure
16
Self-disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals information
about themself to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative, and can
include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as
well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.
Superficial
Intimate
Personal
Care
LevelsSPT proposes that, as relationships
develop, interpersonal communication
moves from relatively shallow, non-
intimate levels to deeper, more intimate
ones Depth
VS
Breadth Depth
The range
of topics
discussed
The degree
to which the
information
revealed

17. Stagesofself-Disclosure
17
Orientation Stage
Exploratory Affective Stage
Affective Stage
Depenetration
Stable Stage

18. FactorsthataffectSelf-Disclosure
18
Below are factors can affect the amount of self-disclosure among people.
1. Gender
2. Race
3. Religion
4. Personality
5. Social status
6. Ethnic background

19. Module 2 – Communication Fundamentals

20.  CommunicationFundamentals
20
Communication is a process in which one person or group evokes a shared or common
meaning to another person or group
Keys stages in early communication development
 Pre-intentional Communication
 Intentional Communication

21. FormsofCommunication
21
The Fundamentals of Communication are woven into this process of pre-intentional and
intentional communication development. They are not learned in a sequence, rather
they are learned alongside one another as part of the process of communication.
The Fundamentals of Communication are a set of basic communication skills that form
the foundations of more advanced communication skills, including speech.
The 3 forms of communication are;
1. Verbal
2. Written
3. Non-Verbal

22. Basicelementsinthecommunicationprocess
22
Sender MediumEncodes Decodes Receiver
Feedback

23. OrganizationalCommunicationFlow
23
Upward
Information Downward
Instruction
Horizontal
Coordination

24. BarrierstoCommunication
24
L
A
N
G
U
A
G
E
F
I
L
T
E
R
S
F
E
E
L
I
N
G
S
O
P
P
O
S
I
N
G

25. MindFilters
25
DELETE DISTORTION GENERALISATION

26.  Listening
26
Listening is defined as paying attention in order to get the message in a communication.
Human being listen with the mind.
Types of Listening
1. Passive Listening
2. Active Listening
3. Reflective Listening
A good listener engages physically and mentally, shares eye
contact, and uses positive affirmation to show they are
paying attention. When we listen to connect, we activate
Wernicke’s area: the part of the brain that allows us to
comprehend spoken language.

27. 11BarrierstoListening
27
1. Selective Listening
2. Talking speed VS Speed of thought
3. Lack of interest
4. Reaction to the speaker
5. Preconception
6. Physical distraction
7. Belief and attitude
8. Previous experiences
9. Preoccupation
10. Having a Closed Mind
11. Mind Reading

28.  SATIRCommunicationTechniques
28
1. The Blamer
2. The Placater
3. The Computer
4. The Distractor
5. The Leveller

29.  ImmediacyBehaviour
29
Immediacy behaviors are nonverbal actions that signal warmth, communicate availability,
decrease distance, and promote involvement between people.
Nonverbal communication expresses dominance and affiliation. There are multiple
categories of nonverbal communication.
Body language
 Eye contact
 Facial expression
 Gesture
 Posture
 Touch
Spatial Usage
 Personal Space
 Acoustic Space

30. Module 3 – The Neuroscience of Conversation

31.  TheNeuroscienceofConversation
31
Conversations are not just a way of sharing information; they actually trigger physical and
emotional changes in the brain that either open you up to having healthy, trusting
conversations or close you down so that you speak from fear, caution, and anxiety.
Conversations have the power to change the brain by boosting the production
of hormones and neurotransmitters that stimulate body systems and nerve pathways,
changing our body’s chemistry, not just for a moment, but perhaps for a lifetime.
As we communicate, our brains trigger a neurochemical cocktail that makes us feel either
good or bad, and we translate that inner experience into words, sentences, and stories.
“Feel good” conversations trigger higher levels of dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and
other biochemicals that give us a sense of well-being.

32.  TheNeuroscienceofConversation
32
Conversations are not just a way of sharing information; they actually trigger physical and
emotional changes in the brain that either open you up to having healthy, trusting
conversations or close you down so that you speak from fear, caution, and anxiety.
Conversations have the power to change the brain by boosting the production
of hormones and neurotransmitters that stimulate body systems and nerve pathways,
changing our body’s chemistry, not just for a moment, but perhaps for a lifetime.
As we communicate, our brains trigger a neurochemical cocktail that makes us feel either
good or bad, and we translate that inner experience into words, sentences, and stories.
“Feel good” conversations trigger higher levels of dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and
other biochemicals that give us a sense of well-being.

33.  MultipleDimensionsofConversations
33
Conversations are multidimensional. Understanding how to access the right dimension
for a situation is the art of conversations. There are 3 levels of conversations, each
representing a way of interacting with others.
Level I: Transactional Conversations
Level II: Positional Conversations
Level III: Transformational Conversations

34. LevelI:TransactionalConversations
34
Transactional conversations are internally focused on confirming what I know and telling
someone else about it. These types of conversation do not build trust, nor require a great
deal of trust to occur – and we have them every day when we purchase something at a
store or we tell someone that something needs to get done.
For examples:
A great example of a transactional conversation is when I “tell” my children that they
need to empty and fill the dishwasher. It’s not a debate …

35. LevelII:PositionalConversations
35
Positional conversations are about persuading and influencing others to our own point of
view. We have an opportunity to explore space together - and we might even seek a win-
win solution – provided it fits with our desired solution. We ask questions (often leading),
we advocate, and we work hard to move people to our point of view.
For example:
-Alice wants the team to prioritize Project A over Project B.
-She asks Bob what he thinks, but doesn’t really listen to what he says.
-Instead, she offers arguments in favor of her position.
-Bob either defends his position, attacks Alice’s position, or gives in.
In this example, you can see that it’s impossible to get to a solution where both parties
win.

36. LevelIII:TransformationalConversations
36
Transformational conversations, also called co-creating conversations, include interaction
dynamics such as sharing and discovering. This means asking questions for which you
have no answers, listening to the collective, discovering, and sharing insights
and wisdom. This generative way of communication leads to more innovative insights
and deeper listening to connect to others’ perspectives.
For example:
-Alice asks Bob to help her decide which project the team should focus on.
-Bob feels safe, because he knows Alice values his input.
-With full access to higher-level thinking, they analyze the problem and predict
possible outcomes.
-They co-create a solution that they are both happy with.

37.  WiredforTrust
37

38.  WiredforTrust
38
Our brain is designed to detect trust and distrust in our everyday conversations. This
hardwiring is millions of years in the making. Trust is the first signal we seek to determine
if we can open up or need to close down. Trust is the feeling of “I am safe, and I know
you have my back.” It is associated with the release of the neurotransmitter oxytocin,
which is associated with love, bonding, and collaboration. When we feel safe, we down-
regulate the activity of the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis, which lowers
our stress response, and we up-regulate our social engagement systems through the
production of oxytocin and other prosocial hormones

39. TheAmygdala
39
The amygdala is a small structure in the brain embedded bilaterally in the limbic system,
which is classically viewed as our emotional processing center. This little almond in our
brains can be thought of as air traffic control, sifting through salient information and
categorizing it as either pleasurable or threatening. If we determine a stimulus to be
threatening, the amygdala prompts the stress response: fight, flight, or freeze. This locks
us into our limbic brain and brings us inward in order to protect against the threat.

40. ThePrefrontalCortex
40
Through co-creating conversations that focus on how we can cooperating ideas, we
activate an appreciative mindset, changing our neurochemistry. We turn off the fear-
based messages from the amygdala and turn on the brain connections that feed up into
the prefrontal cortex. By translating current information, impulses, and our biochemistry,
the prefrontal cortex helps us make judgment calls, have empathy and compassion, and
anticipate the future of the conversation. When we find positive patterns of engagement,
we can utilize nature’s critical catalyst, oxytocin, to reinforce a bonding experience.

41.  Co-Regulation
41
Co-regulation is based on the mammalian biological need for connection, which is the
ability to mutually regulate physiological and behavioral states. Understanding how the
levels of oxytocin and cortisol shift during engagement—and how to regulate this
neurochemistry in real-time with others—is the critical catalyst for enhancing your C-IQ.
In order to build trust, partners need to be able to transparently “read” each other’s
intentions and determine if the trust is reciprocal

42. 42
Module 4 – Interactive Conversation

43. TheUseofMetaphor
43
The use of metaphor in conversation is ‘demotic creativity. In conversation, metaphors
are typically used for humorous and interpersonal purposes rather than for more serious
aims, such as explaining difficult abstract concepts.
Metaphors are very powerful modes of conversation. They sit deep in not just our
conscious mind but also the subconscious mind. The paint pictures for us, they create
images. They connect things to things and connects us to the world
Expressions of metaphor in our everyday conversations present themselves as both
conventional as well as more creative instances. That metaphor is ingrained in our daily
lives has become part and parcel of cognitive linguistic theory.

44.  SkillsforInteractiveConversation
44
1. Confidence
2. Fluent Speaking
3. Nonverbal Communication
4. Turn-taking
5. Reflective Listening

45.  10Tipstohaveabetterconversation
45
1. Don't multitask.
2. Don't pontificate.
3. Use open ended questions.
4. Go with the flow.
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know.
6. Don't equate your experience with their.
7. Try not to repeat yourself.
8. Stay out of the wits.
9. Listen.
10. Be brief.

46.  Tobeagreatconversationalist
46
Exchange Greetings
Reciprocate
Be Courteous and Polite
Be Concise

47. Tobeagreatconversationalistcont’d
47
Be Specific and vivid
Use appropriate body lang.
Don’t end abruptly

48.  3Thingsnottosay
48

50. THANKYOU
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info@thetraineryng.com
www.thetraineryng.com
50