Children View Divorce As:- Frightening Unpredictable Life changing Threatening Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
As the children's lives are dismantled they experience feelings of: Fear Uncertainty Guilt Anger Resentment Mourning/Grief Isolation Loss Depression Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
The children in divorce situations are often subjected to: Loss of home and playmates Change of school and friends Change of economic status Watching one parent leave the home Separation from the exiting parent Anger and arguments between the parents prior to separation Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
The children in divorce situations are often subjected to: Arguments between the parents over money, belongings, jealousy Being asked to serve as messengers between parents Being asked to choose between parents Being ignored by the stressed parents and relatives Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
CHILDREN . . . LOVE both parents LOVE their friends SEE both parents as a part of their PERSONALITY CHERISH their friendships and relationships outside home UNDERSTAND DIVORCED to mean they are being DIVORCED too Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
CHILDREN . . . FEAR the stranger presented as the new Mom or Dad BECOME JEALOUSY of new step siblings and parents FEEL they are losing the other parent to a new family Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
CHILDREN . . . WORRY where they will live FEAR rejection from new people REQUIRE affection SEEK attention Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
CHILDREN . . . ARE NOT considered people, but as ARE part of the property to be divided. Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
Parents sometimes . . . <ul><ul><li>See the children as $$$ Using the children as pawns for economic stability and self gain Skolnick and Skolnick (2007) </li></ul></ul>
Parents sometimes . . . Get too wrapped up in their own emotions to see the effects in the children Think of the stress divorce caused them without thinking of the stress on the children. Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
Parents sometimes . . . EXPECT TOO MUCH EXPLAIN TOO LITTLE Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
Parents sometimes . . . Become the children. Demanding & Inconsiderate Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
Children sometimes . . . Become the Parents Skolnick and Skolnick (2007)
Less positive involvement with the child Gives less affection to the child Allocates less time to the child & Issues erratic, harsh discipline Diminished Parenting is when the custodial parent has. . .
Studies show that children suffer during divorce situations. The question is in what manner and to what extent.
Studies say children . . . Do worse in school academics and risk expulsion Have behavioral problems that can lead to police interventions or detainment (especially boys)
Studies say parents . . . Do not spend time supervising homework Are inconsistent with discipline Are not home enough to monitor the children Do not become actively involved in the child’s life
Studies say children . . . Become promiscuous Are more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol Are lonely and depressed
Studies say parents . . . Do not give children enough affection and time Put children into the center of THEIR conflicts Do not consider children’s socialization needs and friends when determining the residence of child and effect of relocation.
Studies say children . . . have a 75 – 80% chance of turning out normal and functioning well in their futures.
Studies say children . . . That 20 – 25% of these children grow up to be dysfunctional.
Studies say children . . . Are affected by divorce into their adult life Will lack trust in their future relationships with partners Will probably choose not to marry in their adult life and cohabitate instead.
Studies say parents . . . Show children that marriage is unstable and angry Encourage distrust in the children through their lack of trust with the other parent Manipulate the children to side against the non custodial parent.
Studies say children . . . Suffer from the economic stress Miss out on community activities Live in cramped poverty Suffer ridicule from peers
Studies say parents . . . Argue over visitation Attempt to get the child to take sides Barter time for money Do not pay ordered child support
Studies say children . . . Get hurt In DIVORCE
Studies say parents . . . Care more about WINNING Than THE CHILDREN
Studies say. . . The Legal System of Divorce Can Perpetuate ADVERSITY Between the Parents
Studies say. . . The lawyers intimidate the opposing parent and misrepresent the statements they make.
Studies say. . . The parents are confused by the complex legal system
Studies say. . . The parents become more defensive and combative when lawyers get involved
Studies say. . . The parents create accusations to win in court battles
Studies say. . . Children get caught in the conflict
Studies say. . . Children carry guilt and feel responsible for parental conflict
Studies say. . . Children feel they have control over the outcome of parents in conflict
Parents can . . . recognize the children are a part of both of them that was created through love and attraction they once held for each other.
Parents can . . . Cooperate with each other to benefit the children’s needs for stability and security
Parents can . . . Pay the defined child support to make certain that the children have all they need environmentally and medically.
Parents can . . . Collaborate on discipline actions and confer with each other directly to deter manipulation by the children.
Parents can . . . Put their personal conflicts and jealousies aside.
Parents can . . . Realize the children belong to them and not the judicial system.
Courts can . . . Demand Lawyers for the children in disputed custody battles.
Courts can . . . Penalize parent wars by fines to persuade parental cooperation that benefits the children.
Courts can . . . Penalize lawyers who encourage parents to argue by telling them they do not have to settle and can get more and pay less
Courts can . . . Recognize the use of manipulation in their systems and evaluations by both the Lawyers and Parents
Courts can . . . Mandate better education for their evaluators on children’s responses under pressure.
Courts can . . . Mandate better education for their mediators to recognize parental and lawyer manipulations that put them into a stalemate.
Courts can . . . Create a safe counsel for parents to use that does not involve lawyers.
Courts can . . . Create a simple process that does not mimic the criminal law processes.
Courts can . . . Mandate therapeutic interventions to settle custody disputes That MUST involve both parents working together with the children
Courts can . . . Give the CHILDREN A VOICE in their lives and futures.
Courts can . . . Give the CHILDREN A CHANCE TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE AND LOVE
Courts can . . . Do a lot more and with less trauma for all concerned
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