The 5 Levels of Listening Explained

Rosenbaum / The 5 Levels of Listening™ / 2
© Dr. Elliott B. Rosenbaum

The 5 Levels of Listening™
We often hear people say that others are not listening. This complaint gives the
impression that there are only two options when it comes to listening: listening
and not listening. But this is not the case as further study into the area of listening
shows that there are five distinct levels of listening. Each level is qualitatively
different from the others especially in terms of results. The results we achieve
with Level 2 Listening are significantly better than the results we achieve with
Level 1 Listening. Level 3 is better than Level 2, Level 4 is better than Level 3
and Level 5 is the ultimate in terms of the results we get from other people when
we listen to them. The higher the level of listening, the better the results. The
lower the level of listening, the less impressive the results.
Level 1 Listening: “Interrupting”
Level 1 Listening is the most common form of listening, and it is also the
worst. A Level 1 Listener only listens long enough to feel that they know what you

are going to say before they jump in with a response. Think about what it feels
like when you are sitting in a meeting and before you can even form your thought,
someone has already jumped on the first phrase to come out of your mouth.
Maybe they had the decency to wait for you to finish most of your first sentence
and even that was pushing it for them. We say this is the worst kind of listening
because of the poor results that it produces. Teams that operate on Level 1
Communication feel that nobody is listening to them, and that their thoughts are
not valued. If you recognize that you are a Level 1 Listener, don’t worry,
interrupting is usually nothing more than a learned behavior that has turned into a
habit. Once you learn about the higher levels of listening, you may find that you
are able to create new habits with relative ease. For others, the habit of
interruption may be more difficult to change. The underlying reason for this is that
for some people, interruption and creating an atmosphere of control and rushed
thinking is somewhat of an addiction for them. They hate having to listen to
others; they can’t stand making other people’s ideas important, because it may
mean that their ideas are not important.
I find sitting in meetings where Level 1 Listening is being employed to be
extremely frustrating. It creates a tense atmosphere where the dominant
personalities take all the space and everyone else is left feeling powerless and
disrespected. From a systemic standpoint, Level 1 Listening creates an

atmosphere that is akin to a body whose body parts are fighting against each
other. The left leg is trying to kick the right leg and the whole system topples.
Families, schools and workplaces all suffer from Level 1 Listening - from the
indignity of interruption. If I interrupt you while you are thinking, while you are
forming your thoughts, the message I am covertly sending is: My thoughts are
better and more important that yours. Honoring someone’s thinking is honoring
their selfhood, and when we cut off their thinking midstream and replace it with
our thoughts, we are telling that person that they do not matter. Breaking the
interruption habit is one of the most rewarding steps a person can take towards
becoming a great communicator.
As a school board member, I feel that I am wasting my time and talents
sitting through long
meetings where people are not allowed to speak their whole thoughts out
without being interrupted by someone who is dying to jump in with their
thoughts. How many times can I say, “Please let me finish?” At this point,
I have just shut down. This frustrates the hell out of me because I know
that school-based non-profit work is my passion and I have years of
experience in this field. I just refuse to interrupt others and it is clear that
unless I am willing to become an aggressive communicator, I am never

going to get a word in edgewise. I have resolved to find something else to
do with my time. Their loss.
Level 2 Listening: “Waiting”
Level 2 Listening is better than Level 1 because Level 2 Listeners wait for their
turn to speak. In other words, they do not interrupt others when they are
speaking. This is a huge improvement from Level 1. It feels so much more
respectful to the speaker. At the same time, Level 2 Listeners are not really
listening to what you are saying - they are listening to hear when you are done
talking so that they can speak. We may say that Level 2 Listeners are waiting for
you to stop talking.
Level 2 Listeners may not be any more aware of what is being said by the
speaker than a Level 1 Listener is, but they are at least pretending to be listening.
In their minds, Level 2 Listeners are thinking, “When will this person be done
talking, so I can talk?” Perhaps they are thinking about a response to what they
think the speaker is saying in the little time they actually listened. For a Level 1
Listener to become a Level 2 Listener, all he has to do is stop interrupting people
when they are speaking. In terms of results, the speaker may sense that the
listener is not really listening, but they will still appreciate the fact that they are

able to fully express their thoughts without being interrupted. There are far fewer
Level 2 Listeners that Level 1 Listeners, and making this shift can already begin
producing better results in personal and professional relationships.
As a salesperson for a large company, it is my job to get new contracts for
our company. The truth is, I know I am not a good listener. I know I am not
really listening to what our clients need. Instead, I already know what I want to
sell them and I am politely waiting for them to stop talking so I can make my
pitch. I am sure that I have missed out on some big opportunities to form
deeper relationships with our clients and to really help them figure out what
they most need. I will bet that it would have led to a big upsell on a number of
occasions had I only been able to listen to what they were saying. Our
company has had “active listening” training in the past, but that was really just
a superficial way of “acting like we are listening.” I have that down and I make
all the right noises on the phone “uh-hum, right, right” but would I even be able
to tell you what they had said? Not really. I would love to learn how to really
listen. I think it would help me not only professionally, but personally as well.

Level 3 Listening: “Mirroring”
Level 3 Listening is better than Level 2 Listening because the listener is
actually listening to the content of what the speaker is saying. A Level 3 Listener
will show you that they have heard what you said by repeating, rephrasing, or
mirroring, what they heard you say. They may even ask you if they heard you
right. This level of listening is relatively easy to learn and is a mainstay of many
communication techniques used by business communicators and relationship
experts. A typical mirroring exercise will ask one party to communicate what they
want to say about a specific topic in a succinct manner. The other person (the
listener) is required to listen to what is being said and then mirror back to the
speaker or rephrase what they heard. For instance, the speaker may say “I was
really angry before I went to bed last night, so I couldn’t sleep and was really tired
this morning. That’s why I was late.” The listener would then rephrase what they
heard: “So if I am hearing you right, you were really angry last night and because
of that you couldn’t sleep and you were really tired this morning. That is why you
were late. Did I get it?” If you think about it, there is no way to rephrase to a
person what they said without actually listening to some degree.
(On the other hand, it is possible to do it with half a mind: A woman I know
claims that she can rephrase what people say to her on the phone while typing an

email. This shows how adept our minds can become at Pretending That We Are
Listening – we can even repeat back to someone what they said without
processing a single word!)
Most mirroring exercises do not require you to process the deeper meanings of
the statement, just to reflect back to the speaker the content of what they said.
Making sense of the deeper meanings of what is being said is a feature of Level 4
Listening.
The problem with Level 3 Listening is that it is only somewhat helpful to reflect
back to someone what they have just told you. It would not be unusual for
someone to feel that you are just parroting their words and say “That’s what I just
said!” Level 3 Listening is missing the component of empathy, where the listener
puts themselves into the speaker’s shoes and attempts to understand the
speaker’s point of view. At the same time, it is certainly a step up from Level 2
Listening because it requires people to stop their own thoughts for a moment and
makes them focus on what the speaker is saying. Knowing that they will have to
rephrase the speaker’s words to the speaker’s satisfaction makes people listen
because they do not want to be told “No, you did not get it. That’s not at all what I
said.”
The mere fact that people are actually listening to the content of what is being
said (even if they do not empathize with the speaker, or are doing it without fully

processing the content) can feel like a miracle just happened. Going from an
environment where interruption and distraction while people speak is the norm to
Level 3 Listening can be a major shift in a business or personal relationship.
Moving from Level 2 to Level 3 requires practice. Medical units use Level 3
Communication because when one professional passes the information to
another professional, they want to make sure the receiver of the message actually
received the message. The next time someone says something important to you,
reflect back or rephrase what you heard them say and ask them if you got it. You
may want others to practice with you when you are communicating something
important to them. Ask them to rephrase in their own words what they heard you
say.
As a parent, I often find myself at odds with my teenage daughter regarding
what clothes she chooses to wear. Our arguments have never been
productive in the past so I decided to read a book on parenting which
suggested that I try mirroring her. Recently, she wanted to go out on a Friday
night wearing a very short skirt. Even though I really wanted to scream
something about her going out naked, I held myself back and decided to ask
her why she wanted to wear that outfit. She said “I don’t know, it’s what
everybody else is wearing.” I said to her “You want to wear that because it’s
what everybody else is wearing. Is that right?” She said “Yes, that’s what I just

said.” So I just said “Ok. Makes sense.” She kind of looked at me quizzically
and then left (which is what she normally does anyway). But there was
something different about this time, she seemed to walk away a little unsure of
herself. The next day we had a deep conversation, which she initiated, about
who she is versus who her peer group expects her to be. This technique may
not have changed her outfit that night, but it seems to have been a really good
step forward in our communication.
Level 4 Listening: “Sensing”
A Level 4 Listener is really listening. At this level, the listener is paying
attention to not only the words the speaker is using, but the way they are using
their words as well. A Level 4 Listener notices the intonation of the speaker’s
words, the way the speaker’s energy seems to rise and get more excited at times
and how they seem to lose energy at others. They are paying close attention to
non-verbal communication and reflect on the meaning of that non-verbal
communication. If a person’s lip quivers when they talk about their boss, they will
notice that and perhaps even question it or comment on it. If there is a twinkle in
the speaker’s eye when they speak about an upcoming project or vacation a Level
4 Listener will notice that as well. When they use mirroring, it is on a whole

different level. They don’t just repeat back to you what you said. They will reflect
back to you something that they think you should reflect more upon. If you
frowned when you talk about your job, a Level 4 Listener may say “I saw you
frown when you talked about your work, what do you think that means?” Even
though they may have an idea of what that meant to the speaker (e.g. “He doesn’t
like his job”) a Level 4 Listener does not assume that his analysis is necessarily
correct. In this case, the speaker may self-reflect and say “I really like my work,
but I think I have taken on too many additional duties and can’t focus on what I do
best.”
A Level 4 Listener makes you think about what is going on in your mind. This
level of listening can be used by anyone who is sensitive to what they are hearing
people say (and what they don’t say) and who is noticing non-verbal cues. We
say a Level 4 Listener is “Sensing” because a Level 4 Listener is using their
senses to understand the true meanings of what is being communicated. They
are taking into account what we are saying, what we aren’t saying and what our
behaviors are telling them. They make inferences that guide them to ask
questions that help them better understand others and which help others self-reflect
better. A Level 4 Listener’s question may sound like this: “What does it
mean to you that your voice raised a decibel when you spoke about your
coworker?”

As a teenager, I was unsure of what I wanted to do for a profession. I decided
to speak to my grandfather (who I am close to) about this and he asked me:
“What are you most passionate about?” I started talking about all the things I
enjoy and when I started talking about helping people at an internship I had
done in a hospital he stopped me and said “There was a twinkle in your eye
when you said ‘helping people,’ that’s what you should do.” I remember
feeling shocked at first. I hadn’t really thought much about my experience
working at the hospital and the more I thought about it, the more I started
realizing that I had truly loved helping people at that hospital. That’s how I
figured out that I wanted to be a physician - which I truly love. Who knows
what I would have done with my life if I hadn’t spoken to my wise grandfather
about this. Grandfather is gone now, but his impact on my life is something I
think about every day.

Level 5 Listening: “Transforming”
At this point you may be thinking, how can there be a level above Level 4? I
will agree with you that Level 4 is pretty awesome, but yes, there is an even
higher level of listening. While Level 4 Listening is great for helping others self-reflect
on their words, non-verbals and deeper meanings, this level of listening
has its limitations. To illustrate, imagine someone has a fear of public speaking
and they are telling a Level 4 Listener about it, looking for some help. A Level 4
Listener would reflect back to the speaker that their voice wavered when they
spoke about public speaking, which would not be helpful to the speaker: “Of
course my voice wavered, I’m scared to death of getting on that stage!”
Enter Level 5 Listening. Before offering solutions (e.g. “You should get some
therapy”) a Level 5 will look to see what solutions the individual already has within
them. Often, the problem is not that we are missing information and need advice.
We may have already researched the topic ad nauseam; we just need someone
to help us put it all together in a way that makes sense to us. Level 5 Listening is
what is needed when someone comes to you looking for advice. It is the most
powerful and effective way to help people find the kind of solutions that only their

mind could produce. Level 5 Listening goes beyond just understanding what
people are saying to us. It even goes beyond reflecting back to people what they
are verbally and non-verbally communicating. A Level 5 Listener is called a
“Transformer” because they are able to transform the way we think, not through a
convincing argument, but by the way they listen to us and by the way they ask us
questions.
Imagine trying to figure out your professional future. You could go to ten
different trusted members of your inner council and still not feel any clearer about
what you should do even though you have received many different perspectives.
The reason for this is that the only perspective that really matters is your own.
You are not missing any information, otherwise getting more information would
have cleared matters up. You are also not missing other people’s opinions - you
have plenty of those. What you are missing is access to what you think about this
issue. A Level 5 Listener is doing more than reflecting back to you what she is
hearing, she is subtly encouraging you to start listening to yourself. She is
encouraging you to start really thinking for yourself!
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A Level 5 Listener is doing more than reflecting back to you what she is
hearing, she is subtly encouraging you to start listening to yourself.
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Level 5 Listening is very rare. It is rare to approach someone with an issue
and have them ask you what you think about it before they tell you what they
think. The reason why it is so rare is that it is counterintuitive. Think about it: If
someone is coming to you for advice, doesn’t that inherently mean that they can’t
figure it out on their own and they need you to help them? The answer is yes and
no. They do need you to help them, but not in the way you think. Even though
they may be asking you for advice, most of the time, your advice is not the right
answer for them. Deep down, even they know the right answer is within them, so
they are really hoping that instead of telling them what you think, that you will ask
them what they think.
How is this helpful? Wouldn’t they have figured this out already on their own if
they had the answer? Actually, no, they likely would not. And here lies the whole
mystery of Level 5 Listening: I am not able to solve my own problems and find my
own solutions on my own as well as I can when I am talking about it to you. And
when you ask me what I think and believe that I have the answer within me and
then you listen to me with interest as I go through the process of figuring it out on
my own – that’s when I have my brilliant breakthroughs. This is a huge paradox,
but a definite reality: We need other people to be interested in our thoughts in
order for our most creative and brilliant solutions to emerge. The paradox is that
while you are supremely needed by others to help them think, you cannot think for

them. When you try to do that, you become a barrier rather than a helper
because you subconsciously reinforce the notion that they do not have the answer
they are looking for within. A Level 5 Listener is rooted in the philosophical belief
that human beings are resilient and intelligent and they only need someone to
believe this about them for their brilliance to surface.
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A Level 5 Listener is rooted in the belief that human beings are resilient and
intelligent and they only need someone to believe this
about them for their brilliance to surface.
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Can a belief is someone’s brilliance actually produce brilliance in the other
person? Is this rooted in research? Absolutely. The Pygmalion Effect research
conducted by Dr. Robert Rosenthal is a great example of this. In 1968, Dr. Robert
Rosenthal, a professor of psychology from Harvard University, gave teachers a
list of randomly selected students in their classroom saying that these children
have been predicted by their testing results to be innate geniuses. The teachers
believed these results to be real even though they weren’t. At the end of the
school year, real standardized educational testing was performed and showed a
dramatic difference in scores between those students who had been identified as
innate geniuses over their peers. The students did not know they had been

selected to be special – but they could sense the positive expectations of their
teachers – and they rose to the occasion. Our beliefs about others shape their
thinking and their performance!
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The students did not know they had been selected to be special
– but they could sense the positive expectations of their teachers –
and they rose to the occasion.
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When teams working together use Level 5 Listening, they are able to accomplish
astounding results. When each mind in the room is operating at full capacity,
when it is being challenged by great questions and respected to think well by
team members, new ideas are created and new solutions are found. When we
use Level 5 Listening with our customers, they are able to figure out what they
really want, and this can lead to dramatic increases in our customers’ trust in us.
If a salesperson is truly interested in what a client wants and needs, and not in
what he wants to sell, that salesperson becomes a trusted ally who helps his
client think things through. The client feels they are getting great value for their
relationship with this salesperson and they will return again and again.
Imagine meetings that used Level 5 Listening. Imagine the leader changing
things up: Instead of beginning the meeting with a long list of boring statements

and then turning the floor over to a presenter with a long brain-numbing
PowerPoint presentation, the leader did something else. He first begins the
meeting with a question: How can we increase sales? When a question is asked,
people’s brains turn on. Then the leader went around the room and listened with
rapt interest in the answers he receives. He lets his staff sense his belief in them
and the solutions they will produce. He provides ample space for them to think
and speak without interruption. Imagine the results such meetings would
produce. Imagine the teambuilding this would produce. Imagine the respect that
employees would feel for themselves and their leader who cares so deeply about
what they think. In my experience, it is truly transformative.
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Imagine the respect that employees would feel for themselves and their
leader who cares so deeply about what they think.
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The best part about Level 5 Listening is that we can learn how to use this level of
listening and reap its benefits in every area of our life: At work with our customers
and coworkers, with our friends and family and even with ourselves. Learning to
provide high quality listening for ourselves can be a great alternative to having
someone skilled in this level of listening actually listening to us. While this may

sound strange, it is an extremely valuable skill to learn how to provide Level 5
Listening for yourself.
Becoming a Level 5 Listener requires a few things: First, you must understand
The 3 Principles of Level 5 Listening. Second, you must practice this level of
listening until it becomes second nature. Thankfully, Level 5 Listening is so
rewarding in the feedback we get from others (“Thank you for helping me figure
this out, nobody else was able to”) and in the results that we see people having,
that Level 5 Listening quickly becomes something we truly enjoy doing. It feels
good to help others work matters out in their minds and it feels even better
knowing that you don’t have to be the one to have all the answers – they will
provide the answers, if you can provide the space for them to think for
themselves.
A Level 5 Listener is a master at helping people think for themselves. In fact,
once this level is mastered, people will start thinking better around you as soon as
they get in your presence. Don’t be intimidated by how hard this level sounds like
it may be to achieve. I assure you that unless you have an addiction to always
providing the answers to everybody’s problems, you will pick up this skill-set
quicker than you can imagine. Like anything worthwhile, there will be work to be
done to create a new habit. Some days you will find that you are operating at a
solid Level 5 and at others you are being a Level 1 or Level 2. In fact, some

people make it easier for us to be a Level 5 and some people make it very hard.
What I can tell you is that you will love having Level 5 Listening in your toolbox.
You will wonder what would be different if you had had it earlier and what it would
be like if your parents, teachers and bosses over the years had it.
For now, I challenge you to try some Level 5 Listening on someone that wants
your help to figure something important out. All you have to do is listen to what
their issue is with great interest and when they ask you what you think, turn the
tables on them and ask them what they think. If they resist, tell them you will tell
them what you think but they have to go first. In my years of experience doing
this, rarely does the person ask for your advice after they have found the solution
within them. And rarely is your advice relevant. The solution they had within
them is always better than the one you thought of for them. Now, if they are
seeking your advice, experience or expertise, you may offer it as long as you do
so in the spirit of “they will have to think about what you said and see if it is right
for them or not.”
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The solution they had within them is always better
for them than the one you thought of.
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I will take up the remainder of this text discussing Level 5 Listening because it is
what will transform your workplace and your relationships ultimately more than
anything else. If you are in the process of becoming a life coach, I believe this is
a necessary foundation for any transformational work you do with people. It
doen’t matter how many great tools you have, if you are not able to draw people’s
solutions out of them, to essentially reconnect them with their inner wisdom, it will
not be transformational. If you do this, on the other hand, the solutions they find
within them will be with them for the rest of their lives.
Of course you may wish to focus on the lower levels first (Level 2 – Don’t
Interrupt, Level 3 – Mirror Their Words, Level 4 – Notice Their Non-Verbals) but
know that this is not required. Many people have jumped straight from Level 1
and 2 to Level 5 and filled in the gaps later. This top-down method is the
approach I use when I teach workshops and in my life coach training programs
because when someone gets Level 5, they naturally start doing all the good things
included in the lower levels – they stop interrupting, they paraphrase, they notice
deeper meanings and ask powerful questions – but they do it from a deeper place
of belief in the human being they are working with rather than as a technique.
This is the power of Level 5 Listening - it comes from deep within us and per
force impacts others in a deep way. If it is superficial, if it is just a technique, then

it is not Level 5. It will not be transformational. Your belief in others must come
from deep within you and be real. We can all sense when another’s respect for us
is real and when it is not. We will get into how to harness this power shortly (even
with people you don’t currently respect!).
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When someone gets Level 5, they naturally start doing all the good things
included in the lower levels – but they do it from a deeper place of belief in
the human being they are working with rather than as a technique.
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The shift to Level 5 requires a new philosophy on solving peoples’ problems: It is
not you who will find the solution but them. Your job is to provide the setting for
them to think best for themselves. If you can make this shift, everything else will
flow. Now, let us spend some time on The 3 Principles of Level 5 Listening:
Belief, Interest and Time. Understanding and implementing these three principles
will make it easy for you to make the shift to Level 5 Listening any time you decide
to use them.

The 3 Principles of Level 5 Listening™
Principle 1: Belief
Belief is at the root of what makes Level 5 Listening work. It is what makes Level
5 Listening the most powerful interpersonal tool I have ever encountered. The
Webster Dictionary defines belief as “A feeling of being sure that someone or
something exists or that something is true, a feeling that something is good.”
Oxford dictionary puts it this way “Something one accepts as true or real; a firmly
held opinion or conviction.”
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Level 5 Listening is the most powerful tool I have ever encountered.
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Your firmly held opinions about others have the greatest impact on your
interactions with them. Your convictions about others determine the way they feel
around you. They impact how well others think and perform around you. Think
about how well you think and perform around people that think highly of you.
Consider how well you think and perform around people who think poorly of you.
We are so shaped by the expectations of those around us but we rarely think

about how we are shaping those around us as a result of our expectations of
them.
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We are so shaped by the expectations of those around us but we rarely
think about how we are shaping those around us as a
result of our expectations of them.
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The Pygmalion Effect research shows how powerful our beliefs about others
are. Think about how powerful the beliefs of others in your life about you have
been. If you want people around you to bring out their best selves, you have to be
prepared to see their best selves even if they don’t yet see it. This is the secret of
great teachers – they see greatness in their students even when the students
themselves don’t see it. These are the kind of teachers who change people’s
lives. They are transformative. We all can become transformative if we take this
to heart – what we think about others impacts them, what we believe about others
transforms them. In my understanding, a belief is a thought that we have
emotionally internalized. This means we have become connected to this thought
– it is no longer a fleeting thought – it has become a belief. It lives in my mind not
as a guest, but as a permanent resident. A thought comes and goes, but a belief
is felt – it is emotionally a part of me. It moves me and shapes my decisions. I
am attached to it.

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What we think about others impacts them,
what we believe about others transforms them.
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We all have the power to turn our thoughts into beliefs by allowing our thoughts to
take up permanent residence in our minds and emotions. Perhaps we are not
ready to commit yet to a thought. Perhaps we want that thought to move in
temporarily, but to keep its own apartment. If it works out, great. If not, we part
as friends. What you choose to think about other people will dictate what kind of
impact you will have on them. In my experience, every time I have chosen to see
the best in others, it has brought out the best in them. Does that mean I walk up
to a stranger on the street and give them my wallet, believing that they are
honest? Certainly not. The reason for this is that my positive belief about others
creates a setting for them to bring out the best in them, but the real question is
what they will do with that.
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What you choose to believe about other people will dictate
what kind of impact you will have on them.
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I tend to use my Level 5 apparatus mostly with those in my immediate sphere
of influence: my wife, my kids, my students and clients. If I am walking down the
street I am probably thinking about what Jerry Seinfeld said most men spend most
of their waking hours thinking about: Nothing. (You thought I was going to say
something else?)
When I am in a position to positively influence someone I want to go back to
that simple definition of belief “the feeling that something is good.” I routinely get
great results from my clients by connecting with that part of them that is good.
So I am going to get deep with you here… First of all, it is hard for me to
connect with what is good in you before I am able to connect with what is good
within me. In order for me to really help you connect with what is good within you,
I must be able to connect with what is good within myself. When I talk about
transformation, what I am really referring to is the process of connecting with what
is good within us. Wayne Dyer breaks the word transformation into the following
components: “trans-form-ation” and explains that this word means that we are
going beyond (trans) the form, the external part of the human being. When we
trans-form we are going beyond our external form, down to our core selves.
When we help others trans-form, we are helping them reconnect with who they
really are. The reason Life Coaching is the second largest growing industry in the

United States today is because a Life Coach is a professional who helps you
reconnect with yourself - and this is in high demand today.
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When we help others trans-form, we are helping them
reconnect with who they really are.
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Unfortunately, we human beings are so good at loosing touch with our selves.
We are so good at encapsulating ourselves with objects and even begin believing
that these objects are us. We begin relating to ourselves as our houses, cars,
jobs, bank accounts, our bodies and our social selves – our personalities. When
we do that, we lose touch with ourselves. When we try to make decisions, we
look to a part of ourselves that we have lost touch with, our essential core selves,
and realize that we have little contact with that part of ourselves. When we try to
think, our mind immediately goes to what others would say, but our own minds are
blocked from access to our true selves – what we would say.
When we look at others, we also see all that encapsulates them (their “form”)
but rarely do we see the person themselves (their “core selves”). This makes
relating to what is good in them very difficult. Unless we can access what is good
within us, we cannot help others do the same. Regaining access to this core self,

our true self, is key to transforming the way we are with others and the impact we
have on them.
So how do we regain access to this Essential Self?
I have found over the years of working with people to help them reconnect to their
core selves that the more you peel back all the external layers, the more you find
that we all want to give, serve and love others in some way. We all want to make
a contribution that is meaningful to the world. Lance Secretan suggests in his
book The Spark, The Flame and The Torch that all you have to do is think about
what bothers you most in the world and then resolve to find a way to make a
contribution to resolve that. That will be your meaningful contribution and what
will feel like you are doing what you were put here on earth to do.
I often work with people to find their Core Values, that is, to find what their
Core Self values most – what their deepest self values, what it really wants
independent of what others want for them. I often hear answers like “Service,
Connection, Creativity and Spirituality.” So I ask people to find a way to give their
Core what it wants. When we begin listening to the quiet voice of our Core Selves
(the part of us that is independent of what others think and want) and we begin
making adjustments to feed that part of ourselves, we begin being more of who
we are and less of whom we are not.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..
When we begin listening to the quiet voice of our Core Selves we begin
being more of who we are and less of whom we are not.
…………………………………………………………………………
When we find the access points to our Core Selves, we begin seeing past our
external selves and as a result are able to extend this perception to others. We
are able to perceive the core of people that often runs contrary to the external
things, thoughts and behaviors that currently drive their lives. This is when we
become agents of transformation. We become happier and more connected to
ourselves and then hone the ability to do this for others. We learn to create an
environment for others to reconnect with their Core Selves.
Approaching others from this point of view allows you to bring out the best
even in people you don’t currently like or respect. What you don’t like or respect
is their personalities and their choices that are consistent with their personalities.
Remember that this is their external selves and that they, like most people, have
very little contact with who they really are. Perhaps their core selves were not
nurtured and encouraged as children. What you don’t like about them is only their
external self. If you choose to look past that, you will be dealing with a different
person – with their higher self.

………………………………………..……………………..
We learn to create an environment for others to
reconnect with their Core Selves.
………………………………………….
When this process is used with people you naturally like and respect (which is
who I hope you work with and spend as much time with as possible) you become
a fantastic resource to them. They will thrive in your attention. When they stray
from their Core Selves you will be able to bring them back because of your belief
in them and your positive expectation that they will get back to their Core Self as
quickly as possible. When traditional American Indians pass each other on the
street they don’t say “Hello” which is essentially meaningless. They say “I see
you.” They remind each other of who they really are and remind each other that
they are seeing them through that lens. When we are seen through this lens, we
reach up to the stars. The greatest gift we offer others is To See Them. This is
the 1st and most important principle of Level 5 Listening: Belief.
Of course, this belief is not necessarily fact, objective truth or the Gospel. What
it is, though, is an extremely powerful and transformational tool. Try it out and see
what results you get from other people.

Principle 2: Interest
We are all hungry for attention. Psychologists can trace many adult problems
back to a lack of attention in childhood. The fact is that our minds and hearts
expand and flourish in the face of positive attention. Conversely, our hearts and
minds wilt when we don’t get attention. Great attention can produce great thinking
in the mind of the person who is receiving this attention. Where does great
attention come from? It comes from great interest in the minds of others. And
were does great interest come from? It comes from Belief, an emotionally
integrated set of thoughts that convey to the other person that their mind is a
powerful tool. It conveys to the other person that their mind contains great
solutions and that they are worthy and valuable thinkers. Wen exposed to such
interest, minds expand and produce more than they were previously able to.
When we understand that our belief in someone’s ability to produce brilliance
actually contributes to their brilliance, we become even more interested in what
their minds will produce.

…………………………………….…………………………………………
When we understand that our belief in someone’s ability to produce
brilliance actually contributes to their brilliance, we become
even more interested in what their minds will produce.
…………………………………..………………………………..
Neuroscience has discovered why this works. We have neurons called “mirror
neurons” that mirror what is going on in other people’s minds. When I think highly
of you, there is a neurochemical reaction set off in your brain that mirrors and
responds to my positive thinking about you. As a result, your emotions are
positively impacted and you begin thinking better and producing higher-level
outcomes.
This is why this level of listening goes so far beyond “active listening.” Active
listening is a nice technique we use to show someone we are really following what
he or she is saying. Level 5 Listening on the other hand is not a technique. It is a
deep understanding of the power that our minds have on other people’s minds.
This appreciation makes us truly excited to be a part of another person’s thinking
process. We realize that they could not be producing such great thinking if they
did not have us to be interested in their minds. The better I listen to you, the
better thinking you produce. The better thinking you produce, the better results
you will have in your life.

………………………………………………………………………………………
The better I listen to you, the better thinking you produce. The better
thinking you produce, the better results you will have in your life.
…………………………………………………………………………………..
Another thing that happens when our belief leads to great interest is the way we
ask questions. If we really believe that listening is a technique that must be
mastered but deep down we still believe that we contain the answers for others,
the questions we ask others will end up relaying this lack of belief we have in
them. We will find clever ways of suggesting our solutions to others in our
questions: “Have you considered (insert your advice here)?” Most people will not
respond as well as we hope with these kind of questions because most people
really want someone to draw their solutions out them. Deep down, they know that
their own solutions will be best for them.
…………………………….....................…………………………………………….
Most people really want someone to draw their solutions out them. Deep
down, they know that their own solutions will be best for them.
………………………………….……………………………………………
When people ask questions with a positive belief in the mind of others, their
interest is sourced in “what great ideas will this person’s mind produce?” This
kind of question truly ignites the best thinking of the other person and leads to

transformational results. So great belief in others leads to great interest that leads
to great questions.
When I am teaching new life coaching students how to ask great coaching
questions, I encourage them to really become a believer in the power that other
people’s minds contain. I encourage them to believe and become deeply
interested in the inner wisdom of their client’s minds. From this place, new
coaches begin asking powerful questions almost automatically, because they are
so interested in the amazing results their clients will produce as a result of the
transformational listening environment they are creating for their clients.
It goes without saying that when we believe in the power of people’s minds, we
will rarely interrupt their thinking with our own. We also become very attuned to
their non-verbal communication because we are so interested in what is going on
inside of them – we are looking for signs that they are breaking though their inner
blocks and are accessing their inner voice.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
Great belief in others leads to great interest that leads to great questions.
…………………………………………………….………………………………………

Principle 3: Space
Once you have learned to believe in the power of other people’s minds to find
great solutions for themselves and you have become keenly interested in what
their minds can produce, it is important that you give them the space they need to
produce high-level thinking. When we are training new coaches, we often see
them be so eager to produce a shift in their client’s thinking that they continuously
barrage them with questions and suggestions without giving them the time or
space to deeply self-reflect. But it is only when we give great space to others that
breakthroughs happen.
……………………………………….………………………………………………….
It is only when we give great space to others that breakthroughs happen.
…………………………………………….…………………………………………….
Think about the last time someone who really believed in you asked you a
deep, thought-provoking question like “What do you really want for your life?” and
then quietly sat back with ease, inner calm and rapt interest while you searched
the depths of your mind for an answer. For most of us, this experience would be
delicious. I know that I savor these experiences both when I provide them for
others and when they are provided for me. Unfortunately, we have all been

trained to be professional interrupters. Many of us have actually become addicted
to interrupting others. This habit keeps us at Level 1 and the results that Level 1
produces are truly suboptimal. I know that I can’t think straight when I know that I
am about to be interrupted or spoken over in a meeting or conversation.
When I am teaching Level 5 Transformational Listening™ to new coaches
or to companies, one of my favorite exercises is to ask people to pair off for what I
call “Silent Coaching.” One participant is the speaker and the other is the listener.
The speaker is asked to talk to the listener about something they are trying to
work through in their minds or something the team is trying to work out. The
listener is told that they are not allowed to use words to communicate. What
follows is often transformative. Speakers learn how much they enjoy speaking to
someone who is not going to interrupt them and listeners learn how much more
speakers can accomplish when they stay focused on them without interrupting
them. In these exercises, chronic interrupters squirm in their chairs, dying to give
feedback that is often unnecessary.
Yet many chronic interrupters are given such positive feedback from the person
they were silently listening to that they begin shifting their thinking about the
power of listening. Of course, even when they are quiet, a Level 5 Listener and
someone who is squirming in their chair are going to look drastically different and
produce drastically different results. The “squirmer” is really a Level 1 Listener

who is being forced to be a Level 2 Listener temporarily. The Level 5 Listener
appears calm, both externally and internally. This internal calm is what many
refer to as having a “quiet mind” and for many of us this is extremely difficult. If
we had a mental transcript of what was running through our minds when we are
listening to others we would see a racetrack of stories, shopping lists,
suggestions, questions and comments racing through our minds. Very little space
is available for us to listen to what others are saying to us, and others experience
this lack of “space”. W hen you begin to believe in what others can produce in
their minds when you believe that they can produce great things, it will be much
easier for you to quiet your mind. You will then able to take the pressure off of
yourself to have all the solutions to other people’s challenges.
Are you ready to begin the process of becoming a Level 5 Transformational
Listener?
Go ahead and get started with the next conversation you have and take note of
how this compares and contrasts with your normal conversations. Ask someone if
there is something they are trying to work out in their mind right now and then
practice the 3 Principles of Level 5 Listening.

…………………….....................……………………………………………………
Ask someone:
“Is there something you are trying to work out in your mind right now?”
and then practice the 3 Principles of Level 5 Listening.
……………………………………………………………………………………………
To recap, The 3 Principles of Level 5 Listening are:
1. Belief In the brilliance of each individual.
Belief is the positive expectation that others are able to think well. When we
choose to think highly of others, they tend to rise to the occasion.
2. Interest In what people will say next.
Interest in the thoughts, ideas and solutions of others. This leads us to ask deep,
probing and powerful questions.
3. Space Giving space for people to think without interruption.
Giving time, quiet and ease for people to think fully and deeply without
interruption.

About The Author
Dr. Elliott B. Rosenbaum is a board certified psychologist and master life coach.
He is the founder and director of The American School of Professional Life
Coaching (www.asplc.org) and the CEO of uThink, Inc. (www.uthinkinc.com)
which provides advanced communication training to companies and
organizations. He has worked with government agencies, the U.S. military and
Fortune 500 companies to create transformational organizational change. Dr.
Rosenbaum teaches Transformational Listening at the University of North
Florida/UNF’s Continuing Education Department.

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