Creative writing presentation

1. ‘SHOW, DON’T TELL’ Group 4: Diana, Tasnim, Sem
and Alexandra

2. DRAMATIZATION IN THE ARREST SCENE: MAIN
CHARACTERS
Anne Fines’ writing: “I made a solemn vow right there and then to change my name,
and dye my hair, and join another group. Like everyone else, I started shuffling away,
pretending to take a sudden interest in what was happening up at the fence”
Sem’s version: “I felt embarrassed and distanced myself from them”.
Anne Fines’ writing: “She honestly didn’t seem to notice that half the people who
overheard were reaching down for the little waterproof rucksacks that held their
thermos flasks and banana yoghurts, and were edging away uneasily. Others were
standing paralyzed, with their mouths full of alfalfa-sprout sandwiches, watching with
shocked expressions”.
Sem’s version: ‘Mum didn’t notice that everyone else was shocked and upset with her and
Gerald, over their conversation’.

3. DRAMATIZATION IN THE ARREST SCENE: MAIN
CHARACTERS
Anne Fines’ writing: “Mum’s eyes roved over everyone, just like Mrs Lupey’s do when
she’s waiting for someone in the class to confess to some heinous crime
Alexandra’s version: “Mum was waiting for someone to volunteer”.
Anne Fines writing: “The song was ending, but I couldn’t stop the tears. It didn’t matter,
though. The rain was beating down so hard now, no one could really tell. But I turned
away anyhow, just in case, and scrambled down the bank for the last time”.
Alexandra’s version: “I was sad and embarrassed about crying”.

4. DRAMATIZATION IN THE ARREST SCENE:
SECONDARY CHARACTERS
Anne Fines’ writing: “One of the policewomen shifted restlessly, and looked at her
watch”
Tasnim’s version: “One of the policewomen was impatient”.
Anne Fines writing: “Jude didn’t answer back. She never does. But scowling, she sidled
closer to Gerald Faulkner”.
Tasnim’s version: “Jude looked annoyed with Mum”.

5. DRAMATIZATION IN THE ENTRY SCENE: HELEN’S
OUTBURST
Anne Fines’ writing: “Helen leaped to her feet and scraped her chair legs back across
the floor. She lifted her desk lid and slammed it down so hard her pens flew off in all
directions. “Leave me alone, for heaven’s sake!” And rushing across the room, she
wrenched the classroom door open and banged out, leaving it swinging on its hinges.
Everyone stared”.
(direct speech, witnessing the action)
Diana’s version: ‘After the teacher questioned her unusual behavior, Helen became
angry. She screamed that she wanted to be left alone and quit the classroom’.
(indirect speech, retelling the action)

6. DRAMATIZATION IN THE ‘POTATOES’ QUARREL
SCENE’
Anne Fines’ writing: “I just began to cry, like a baby. Tears picked behind my eyes,
and before I could stop them - before I could even spin round and rush out of the
room - they’d welled up and over, spilled down my cheeks, and splashed like ink blots
on my muddy shoes”.
(first person narrative, self-reflection)
Diana’s version: ‘I could not stop my tears from flowing and felt embarrassed’.
(first person narrative, self-judgment)