better

1. Getting Started: Getting Better
Does it get worse before it gets better?
It can seem that way! It is important to realize that when we are LGBTQ or love
someone who is, we must come to terms not only with the very real challenges that
lie ahead but also the many inaccurate or negative perceptions about LGBTQ lives.
• If we are LGBTQ, we know our community as a whole continues to face obstacles,
including rejection from our families and/place of worship, work discrimination,
navigating romance and marriage in a heteronormative culture, and the more rare
possibilities of violence and AIDS.
• As parents of LGBTQ children, we naturally worry and feel concern for our children.
We don’t want them to have hard lives and we fear they are vulnerable to the
worst of possibilities. We also must deal with our own set of parental expectations
and the way they are impacted.
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2. Getting Started: Getting Better
Does it get worse before it gets better? (cont’d)
• In turn, as LGBTQ people, we often receive the message (even from our own
families) that our lives would be easier and better if we were straight. It’s painful
to go forward on the premise that by just be being LGBTQ, we are not guaranteed
the same chance for happiness as others.
• When we equate being LGBTQ only with hardship and heartbreak, we’re selling
ourselves and our children short. A big part of fighting homophobia/transphobia is
not accepting the stereotype that LGBTQ people live inherently tragic existences.
• While we have a ways to go, things have gotten better. And though the fight
continues, we have lives to live, and they will be much better if we embrace them.
• We can’t deny that sometimes it’s hard. But it’s just as important that we feel
pride in how far we’ve come and hope for the future.
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3. Getting Started: Getting Better
What is our truth?
• We know that we’re fine the way we are. Being LGBTQ is a normal and an innate
trait, which has always been a part of the human experience.
• We don’t need to know or justify the origins of our sexual orientation or gender
identity. We don’t know why people are straight or binary, either.
• We are worthy of respect and equality because we are human beings. The fact
that we have to fight harder for it cannot diminish our sense of dignity and self-
worth.
• We know are lives might be more difficult in certain ways, but it doesn’t take away
our capacity for fulfillment and joy.
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4. Getting Started: Getting Better
What about bigotry and discrimination? Will we always experience it?
• Some of us will, some of the time. We are profoundly aware that discrimination
still exists, and that much work lies ahead of us. Some of us are still rejected by our
own families; our youth are at risk for bullying and harassment at schools; and
transgender women of color are particularly vulnerable to violence.
• But we also need to acknowledge the extraordinary and historical change in the
last twenty years. We now have parents who advocate for their children: they join
PFLAG and walk with with their children in Pride Parades. And polling shows that
our current generation is significantly more progressive than our parents on LGBTQ
issues.
• Our activism and advocacy continues to result in anti-discriminatory policies and
laws, including equality marriage and an open military, and to implement policies
and programs that address bullying and harassment in our schools and places of
employment.
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5. Getting Started: Getting Better
What about bigotry and discrimination? Will we always experience it? (cont’d)
• Many successful corporations and companies have policies to protect their LGBTQ
employees and sponsor LGBTQ organizations and Pride Parades. More school
districts have anti-discriminatory policies and students have even created a Gay
Student Alliance network.
• Some of us have the option to relocate to more progressive communities, which
can significantly reduce our encounters with bigotry and discrimination and gives
us safer places to work and raise our families.
• We know we will continue to build on our successes. We will be part of the
change, whether we become politically active and/or every day advocate/allies
who speak out when we can and show by example who we are.
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6. Getting Started: Getting Better
How do we live in the face of discrimination?
• We work to create the best life we can and believe in ourselves and the future.
Part of that means finding the right support system and community and knowing
how and when to ask for help.
• All around us we can see that LGBTQ people are living content and productive lives
and doing amazing work for change, often by simply being out.
• We know many of us face issues such as lack of employment and violence. But we
also know that our community has organized and fought similar battles and we
have faith in our resilience and our resolve to step up and speak out.
• We have our ups and downs, we face obstacles and endure tragedy, but then, so
do straight people. Being LGBTQ is just one facet of who we are: we are just as
informed by our passions and interests, our hopes and ambitions, and more.
• The more support and love we have from our families, the happier we are: if we’re
teens, parental support greatly reduces our risks for self harm and depression.
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7. Getting Started: Getting Better
Who can guide us?
• Many people, in all walks of life. The closet doors are opening wide. LGBTQ role
models are all around us, in our public and private lives, challenging stereotypes
and false assumptions and changing public perception.
• A significant number of LGBTQ people are well known, in politics, science, sports,
and entertainment: others are friends, colleagues, and neighbors. We can now
see the diversity of our community and the many ways we can live our lives.
• Our allies are also coming out. Whether they are a United States Senator speaking
out for his gay son or a local mother who joins PFLAG, more families and friends
are taking a stand and joining our fight for equality.
• By living out and proud, we give hope to each other and set an example for the
next generation: together, we find our way and support those coming after us.
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8. Getting Started: Getting Better
Who are our friends?
• We learn who our true friends are, when we come out: the people who accept us
and see us as equal.
• While it can be painful to lose someone because we are LGBTQ, it also can be
clarifying. Now we know who will stand with us, which is powerful.
• We create vital connections within our community and many lifelong friendships.
• We also have friends in our allies: people who support our community because
they know it is the morally right thing to so. The number of allies is growing every
day.
• We can be patient, too: we know that sometimes it takes some people longer to
accept us, but we never know who ends up joining us on our journey.
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9. Getting Started: Getting Better
What about community?
• We have an active and vital community, which we can tap through all sorts of
organizations and resources, from ones that advocate for change to others that
focus on hobbies and recreation.
• Many of us still remember our very first Pride Parade, where we suddenly felt that
huge connection to other LGBTQ people and our allies. And we feel it again each
year that we participate.
• People often tell us that after our PFLAG Bellevue/Eastside meetings, they feel
positive, energized, and cared for. Countless PFLAG meetings occur throughout the
country, strengthening our bond with each other and our allies. It’s the power of
community.
• The more we come out, the larger our community becomes.
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10. Getting Started: Getting Better
What about our dreams for marriage and family?
• We can celebrate that LGBTQ people can now have the freedom to marry in all
states!
• We have weddings to plan and attend. And we’re also creating thriving families,
giving many of us children to raise and grandchildren to dote on.
• Just like anyone else, we can grow up with weddings, marriages and family we
imagined for ourselves, if we choose to.
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11. Getting Started: Getting Better
What about our faith?
• If we are people of faith, we can feel encouraged that many religious leaders and
communities are re-examining their interpretation and treatment of LGBTQ
people.
• We can join one of the growing number of local faith communities that are
affirming to the LGBTQ community.
• We can learn about or even meet out ministers, rabbis, and other members of the
clergy.
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12. Getting Started: Getting Better
What about HIV/AIDS?
• Some people automatically and erroneously associate HIV/AIDS with all gay men.
For many years the media depicted HIV/AIDS as a gay disease because that
demographic was hit first and very hard. It’s a response that calls for clarification.
• We still need to be concerned about HIV/AIDS, but no longer just as a gay disease
but a worldwide epidemic. In fact internationally, it is more often a disease of
heterosexuals.
• We can feel pride that through the activism of the LGBTQ community, we have
made huge progress. With proper education and healthcare, HIV/AIDS can be
prevented, and for those who are infected, it is no longer a death sentence but a
maintainable medical condition.
• It’s still important that we not let stigma prevent us from remaining aware and
vigilant regarding the risks of HIV infection for gay men, because when we do, it
statistically rises again in our community. Consult King County Health for
information on prevention.
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13. Getting Started: Getting Better
What if I’m struggling and it’s not getting better?
• Remember that it takes time and you don’t have to do it alone. Take advantage of
available resources and support.
• Remember that we are here. Attend a PFLAG Bellevue/Eastside monthly support
meeting or contact us for a one-on-one conversation, if you prefer.
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14. Getting Started: Getting Better
Where can I find more information?
• For stories from a wide range of LGBTQ individuals, you might consult the book It
Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating A Life Worth Living.
• For a personal view from a mother and child on transgender acceptance, you
might consult the memoir Two Spirits, One Heart
• A Mother, Her Transgender Son, and Their Journey to Love and Acceptance.
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