BUS 121 Chapter 4

1. 1

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Ch. 4 / Slide 2
Make messages more concise by
rejecting flabby expressions, long lead-
ins, there is/are and it is/was fillers,
redundancies, and empty words, as well
as condensing for short social media
posts.
Learning Outcome 1

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Ch. 4 / Slide 3
Taking Time to Revise: Applying
Phase 3 of the Writing Process
Drafting
Revising
Prewriting
Writing Process:
• Revising: improving content and sentence structure
• Proofreading: correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation,
format, mechanics
Key Point: Revising takes the most time in the writing process.

4. Ch. 4 / Slide 4
Revising for Conciseness
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Eliminate flabby expressions.
Flabby Concise
at this point in time now
due to the fact that because
in very few cases seldom
despite the fact that although
in the near future soon

5. Ch. 4 / Slide 5
Revising for Conciseness
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Limit long lead-ins.
Wordy Concise
This is to let you know
that Monday is a holiday.
Monday is a holiday.
I am sending this e-mail to
announce that our internal
audit begins on January 5.
Our internal audit
begins on January 5.

6. Ch. 4 / Slide 6
Revising for Conciseness
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Drop unnecessary
there is/are and it is/was fillers.
Wordy Concise
There are at least ten
candidates who applied
for that position.
At least ten applicants
applied for that position.
It was Becca Lopez who
was finally selected.
Becca Lopez was
finally selected.

7. Ch. 4 / Slide 7
Revising for Conciseness
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Reject redundancies.
Redundant Concise
combined together combined
exact same exact or same
my personal opinion my opinion
refer back refer

8. Ch. 4 / Slide 8
Revising for Conciseness
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a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school approved learning management system for classroom use.
Purge empty words.
In the case of General
Motors, the car company
was reorganized.
General Motors was
reorganized.
We are aware of the fact
that many managers need
assistance.
We know many
managers need
assistance.
Concise
When it arrived, I deposited
your check immediately.
I deposited your check
immediately.
Wordy
know

9. Ch. 4 / Slide 9© 2019 Cengage Learning®. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part, except for use as permitted in
a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school approved learning management system for classroom use.
Drafting Concise Posts
for Social Media Networks
Choose
descriptive but
short words.
Personalize
whenever
possible.
Be prepared
to revise many
times for
conciseness,
clarity, and
correctness.
Focus on
main, useful
ideas.

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a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school approved learning management system for classroom use.
Ch. 4 / Slide 10
Tweet Reply to Unhappy
Bank of America Customer
@BofA Help. Sorry you feel that way.
If you change your mind and want to
see if we can help, please DM
yourname/zip/phone.

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a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school approved learning management system for classroom use.
Ch. 4 / Slide 11
Learning Outcome 2
Enhance clarity in business messages
by keeping the ideas simple, dumping
trite business phrases, cutting clichés,
shunning slang and buzzwords, rescuing
buried verbs, restraining exuberance,
and choosing precise words.

12. Ch. 4 / Slide 12
Making Your Message Clear
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Keep it short and simple.
Wordy Concise
It would not be inadvisable
for you to affix your signature
at this point in time.
You should sign now.
Here are implements that
are necessary for the job to
be completed in a
satisfactory manner.
Here are tools to do
the job satisfactorily.

13. Ch. 4 / Slide 13
Making Your Message Clear
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Dump trite business phrases.
Wordy Concise
Trite Improved
pursuant to your request as you request
please do not hesitate to please
with reference to about
enclosed please find enclosed

14. Ch. 4 / Slide 14
Making Your Message Clear
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Wordy Concise
Drop clichés (worn phrases), slang
(informal words with extravagant
meanings), and business buzzwords.
Cliché, Slang, Buzzword Improved
Get on the horn with my
admin.
Please call my
administrative assistant.
Hey, prof, what u think of my
killer paper?
Professor, what did you
think of my paper?
Our point man will
telephonically communicate our
relanguaged proposal to you.
Jake will call you with our
revised proposal.

15. Ch. 4 / Slide 15
Making Your Message Clear
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Wordy Concise
Unbury verbs that are needlessly
converted to wordy noun expressions.
Buried Verbs Improved
give consideration to consider
reach a conclusion conclude
create a reduction in reduce
make a decision about decide
take action act

16. Ch. 4 / Slide 16
Making Your Message Clear
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Wordy Concise
Control exuberance by using sparingly such words
as very, definitely, quite, totally, etc.
Excessive Exuberance Businesslike
We are actually very certain
that they totally agree with
our proposal.
We are certain that
they agree with our
proposal.
Jake was really extremely
sorry that he completely
forgot the meeting.
Jake was sorry that he
forgot the meeting.

17. Ch. 4 / Slide 17
Making Your Message Clear
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Wordy Concise
Express precise meaning.
Less Precise More Precise
He said that he thought
they should help out with
the report.
The team leader told Jason
and Chris that they should
write sections of the report.
They called with a change
in the meeting.
Our client XYZ called to
reschedule the meeting
from May 13 to May 16.

18. Ch. 4 / Slide 18
Improve readability by applying effective
document design including the strategic
use of white space, margins, typefaces,
fonts, numbered and bulleted lists,
and headings.
Learning Outcome 3
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19. Ch. 4 / Slide 19
Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design
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Expand the use of
white space by
• Adding headings
• Including bulleted or numbered lists
• Using short sentences
• Writing short paragraphs
• Setting effective margins

20. Ch. 4 / Slide 20
Understanding Margins
and Text Alignment
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Setting margins
How to set margins
Use 1 to 1 ½ inch margins

21. Ch. 4 / Slide 21
Improving Readability
With Effective Margins
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Aligns text at left margin and creates
a ragged-right margin
Setting for Ragged-Right Margins
Ragged-right margins provide
more white space and improve
readability.
Result

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Ch. 4 / Slide 22
Choosing Appropriate
Typefaces
AbcConsider sans serif (such as
Arial) for headings, signs, and
material that does not require
continuous reading.
AbcConsider serif (such as Times
New Roman) for body font.
Notice that serif typefaces have
small features at the end of
strokes.
SANS SERIF SERIF

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Ch. 4 / Slide 23
Typefaces for
Different Purposes

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Ch. 4 / Slide 24
Enhancing Readability Through
Document Design
CAPITALIZATION
SMALL CAPS
Boldface
Italics
Underline
Use 10- to 12-pt. font for most body text.
For special effects consider:

25. Ch. 4 / Slide 25
Enhancing Comprehension
With Lists and Numbered Items
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Use numbered lists (1, 2, 3) for items that show
a sequence.
Use bulleted lists for related but unordered
items.
Follow these steps in starting
a business:
1. Write a business plan.
2. Locate venture capital.
3. Prepare a feasibility study.
Consider the following:
• Environmental regulations
• Employee benefit plans
• Licensing requirements
Numbered List Bulleted List

26. Ch. 4 / Slide 26
Making Listed Items Parallel
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Employ parallel (balanced) construction when
listing similar ideas.
Not Parallel Parallel
Social media goals:
• We are striving to create
brand awareness.
• Another goal is to enhance
public relations.
• A community of advocates
must be built.
• We expect it to drive sales
and create leads.
Social media goals:
• Create brand awareness.
• Enhance public relations.
• Build a community of advocates.
• Drive sales and create leads.

27. Ch. 4 / Slide 27
Boosting Readability Through
Document Design
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Add headings to enhance comprehension.

28. Ch. 4 / Slide 28
Summarizing in Short
Category Headings
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The company needs to focus attention in three key areas:
Attracting applicants. We must analyze where and how we
advertise for applicants, specifically,
online job boards. . .
Interviewing applicants. We should consider adding a
simulated customer encounter to the process.
Simulated. . . .
Checking references. We'll find better candidates if we
contact all references, not just former employers.
Currently, the. . . .

29. Learning Outcome 4
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Ch. 4 / Slide 29
Identify proofreading problem areas,
and apply smart techniques to catch
mistakes in both routine and
complex documents.

30. Ch. 4 / Slide 30
Proofreading to Catch Mistakes
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What to
Watch for in
Proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and
numbers
Format

31. Ch. 4 / Slide 31
How to Proofread
Routine Documents
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Look for factual
errors.
Look for typos,
misspellings, and
easily confused
words.
typoes
Study the
document for
inconsistencies and
ambiguous
expressions.
To read messages on-screen:
Use the down arrow to reveal one line at a time.
Read from a printed copy, to be safer.

32. Ch. 4 / Slide 32
How to Proofread Complex Documents
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Print a copy,
preferably double
spaced.
1
Allow adequate
time for careful
proofing.
3
Read the message at
least twice–once for
meaning and once for
grammar and mechanics.
5
Set it aside and
take a breather.2
Expect errors and
congratulate
yourself when you
find them.
4
Reduce your
reading speed and
focus on individual
words.
6

33. Ch. 4 / Slide 33
To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks
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Delete
Capitalize
Lowercase (don’t capitalize)
Transpose
Close up

34. Ch. 4 / Slide 34
To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks
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Insert
Insert space
Insert punctuation
Insert period
Start paragraph

35. Ch. 4 / Slide 35
To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks
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36. Ch. 4 / Slide 36
To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks
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Revised Copy
Beginning September 1, the doors leading to the west side of
the building will have alarms. Because these doors also
function as fire exits, they cannot be locked; consequently, we
are installing alarms. Please use the east side exits to avoid
setting off the ear-splitting alarms.

37. Ch. 4 / Slide 37
To Revise Digitally, Use
Strikethrough and Color
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This is a short note to let you know that as As you
requested, I made an investigation of investigated
several of our competitors’ websites. Attached hereto is
a summary of the findings. of my investigation. I was
really most interested in making a comparison of the
employment of comparing marketing strategies as well
as the use of navigational graphics used to guide
visitors through the sites.

38. Learning Outcome 5
Ch. 4 / Slide 38
Evaluate a message to judge its
effectiveness.
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39. Ch. 4 / Slide 39
Evaluate Your Writing
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Is it polished
and clear?
How successful will
this message be? Does it say
what you
want it to?
Will it achieve
its purpose?
How will you
know if it
succeeds?
Does it attract the
reader’s attention?

40. Ch. 4 / Slide 40