Don’T Be Nice Be Real 012610 972003 Slideshare

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This briefing introduces a couple of communication techniques to confront negativity in the workplace. I delivered it January 26 to 85 of the Emerging Leaders in the Columbia MO Chamber of Commerce.

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Don’T Be Nice Be Real 012610 972003 Slideshare

  1. 1. Columbia Chamber of Commerce EPIC Lunching Out of the Box January 26, 2010 Beverly A. Thompson, MS, HPT, HPI, HIA
  2. 2. <ul><li>performanceRIGHT </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Process Improvement: Process Redesign; Documentation; Change Management </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Talent Management: Hiring, Keeping & Growing Talent </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Organizational Development: Assessments; Program Development & Evaluation; Culture Transformation; Facilitation; Survey Design, Execution & Evaluation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Economic & Community Development: Group Process; Problem Solving; Project Management </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Experienced in mid to large-size, for & not-for-profit organizations in government, healthcare, insurance, & manufacturing </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  3. 3. <ul><li>Understanding Yourself </li></ul><ul><li>Discussion Starter </li></ul><ul><li>Absolute Essentials </li></ul><ul><li>Examples </li></ul><ul><li>Close – Your Questions </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  4. 4. <ul><li>ME: </li></ul><ul><li>- Learning & Change </li></ul><ul><li>- Performance Improvement </li></ul><ul><li>- Economic & Community Development </li></ul><ul><li>YOU: </li></ul><ul><li>*22-40 </li></ul><ul><li>*Wanting Life Balance </li></ul><ul><li>*Learning & Growth Opportunities </li></ul><ul><li>* Developing Leadership Skills </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  5. 5. <ul><li>CONTINUUM OF ESCALATION </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010 FIRST NEXT AGAIN LAST TIME
  6. 6. <ul><li>“ What a saga -- you are such a drama queen/king.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Oh, great – here we go again!” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I’m so sick of it always being about YOU!!!” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Shut up & get over it!!” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Don’t ever talk to me again – about ANYTHING!!!!” </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  7. 7. <ul><li>Listen. </li></ul><ul><li>Respond with empathy. </li></ul><ul><li>Share your thoughts. Give feedback. </li></ul><ul><li>Seek common agreement. </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  8. 8. <ul><li>Let the speaker get it all out. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Ignore personal biases. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Focus on the speaker. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Ask open-ended questions WITHOUT interrupting. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t judge. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Model positive body language. </li></ul></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  9. 9. <ul><li>What is empathy? </li></ul><ul><li>What is sympathy? </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  10. 10. <ul><li>Em·pa·thy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Pronunciation: ˈem-pə-thē </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Function: noun </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Etymology: Greek empatheia, literally, passion, from empathēs emotional, from em- + pathos feelings, emotion — more at pathos </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Date: 1850 </li></ul></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  11. 11. <ul><li>Sym·pa·thy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>1 a : an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other 2 a : inclination to think or feel alike : emotional or intellectual accord 3 a : the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Pronunciation: ˈsim-pə-thē </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Function: noun </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Etymology: Latin sympathia, from Greek sympatheia, from sympathēs having common feelings, sympathetic, from syn- + pathos feelings, emotion, experience — more at pathos. Synonyms: pity, attraction. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Date: 1579 </li></ul></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  12. 12. <ul><li>(Ø “SORRY” –Ø “I” – FACT & FEELING): </li></ul><ul><li>“ It’s difficult to accomplish the project on time when there is still so much to do.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ You’re still really stressed by what Jill did at the first meeting, aren’t you?” </li></ul><ul><li>“ That conversation Jack & Jill had is really eating at you.” </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  13. 13. <ul><li>“ Your excitement for this project is contagious.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ All the feedback I’ve heard since your presentation has been very positive – your message really hit home.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ You deserve all the credit for guiding the emotional discussion to a successful close.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ You da man!” </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  14. 14. <ul><li>Discretionary. </li></ul><ul><li>Use “I.” </li></ul><ul><li>Build trust. </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  15. 15. <ul><li>“ I notice every time you encounter Jim or Jill, you seem to become agitated. What ideas do you have to get over this disagreement?” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I notice when you bring this topic up, you don’t have any control over the circumstances. Do you think it makes sense to drop this and move to something that excites you?” </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  16. 16. <ul><li>“ I’m impressed with what you accomplished. Frankly, I expected you to ask for an extension on the deadline because of the complexity of the assignment. Instead, you jumped in with both feet, and gave it your all. Thanks for making our team look good! I think you would make a great mentor for our new employees. Are you interested?” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I’m so proud of what you just presented at the committee meeting. I congratulate you for learning that program so quickly.” </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  17. 17. <ul><li>WHAT – WHAT – WHY </li></ul><ul><li>What they’ve done or said. </li></ul><ul><li>What would be more effective. </li></ul><ul><li>Why it would be more effective. </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  18. 18. <ul><li>Aggressive – </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Listen. No arguing. Speaker’s name. Formal. Clear responses. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Undermining – </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Focus. Sarcasm. Calm and cool. </li></ul></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  19. 19. <ul><li>Unresponsive – </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Open-ended questions. Silence. Patience. Positivity. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Egoist – </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Factual. Agree. Questions. Disagree when you KNOW you’re right. </li></ul></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  20. 20. <ul><li>“ Last week you were going on about this same subject. You’re re-hashing the same things without changing the outcomes. </li></ul><ul><li>Instead, if you jotted your points on paper & objectively looked at what can & can’t be changed , </li></ul><ul><li>you’ll minimize your feelings of “poor me,” you’ll see what you CAN control & change & you’ll move your outlook to a more positive place by having a plan to move forward. ” </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  21. 21. <ul><li>Reflect </li></ul><ul><li>Respect </li></ul><ul><li>Win-Win: Compromise </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t talk about the subject anymore? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Have different perspectives on the subject. Agree to disagree from this point on </li></ul></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  22. 22. <ul><li>Can you say: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Oh, great – here we go again!” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ I’m so sick of it always being about YOU!!!” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Shut up & get over it!!” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Don’t ever talk to me again – about ANYTHING!!!!” </li></ul></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  23. 23. <ul><li>Can you find new friends????? </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  24. 24. <ul><li>‘ What do you say, or how do you deal with a person with whom you had an issue, you have thoroughly discussed the issue once or twice & either apologized or explained why you did it & thought it was the right thing to do (or both), but the other person keeps bringing it up as an indication of mistreatment or lack of caring?’ </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>‘ Interested in learning tips for conflict resolution & ways to be straight forward with others (not being a push over).’ </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010
  25. 25. <ul><li>performanceRIGHT </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Process Improvement: Process Redesign; Documentation; Change Management </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Talent Management: Hiring, Keeping & Growing Talent </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Organizational Development: Assessments; Program Development & Evaluation; Culture Transformation; Facilitation; Survey Design, Execution & Evaluation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Economic & Community Development: Group Process; Problem Solving; Project Management </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Experienced in mid to large-size, for & not-for-profit organizations in government, healthcare, insurance, & manufacturing </li></ul>Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

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