1. Satiric News: © 2015 Alan S. Gintzler
Whose Race Is It, Anyway?
People just aren’t the way they seem anymore.
Turns out, the former head of the NAACP in Spokane, Washington, is white but she’s been
passing herself off as black for years. The truth comes out, and it reduces the African-American
population in Spokane by half.
Deranged Tom Sawyer Wants to Paint America White
And in South Carolina, a maniac with a crazy bowl-shaped haircut killed nine people in a black
church. You see pictures of this guy? Looks like a deranged Tom Sawyer, he’s the boy on Dutch
Boy Paints. Wants to paint the whole country white, make America safe for white people. You
know how to make America safe for white people? Sunscreen. Write your congressman.
Walmart’s Southern Double Cross
Now Walmart has stopped selling Confederate flag merchandise. Can you believe it? Walmart?
It’s like a Supreme Court decision.
Confederate Flag Boxer Shorts
And a South Carolina cop who posed online in Confederate flag boxer shorts was forced to
remove them and submit to a strip search by the St. Louis Rams.
It’s 150 years since the Civil War, and the confederates are finally taking down their battle flag.
Next thing you know, they’ll be applying for American citizenship.
KKK’s New Fashion Statement
But with all these Confederate flags coming down the problem is what to do with them. So the
KKK is introducing a new sheet pattern. And in a related story, a woman who climbed a flagpole
and took down a Confederate flag herself, was arrested and sentenced to work in a sweatshop
cutting eyeholes into sheets.
Cosby: Just Desserts?
Bill Cosby is accused of molesting more than 50 women, after putting quaaludes in their Jello
pudding.

2. Gay Marriage Goes Legal, Texas Sues for Divorce
Gay marriage is now legal nationwide, but Texas is suing for divorce, after sodomizing Mexico
for years.
Conservative chefs are outraged, they don’t want to be forced to bake cakes for gay weddings.
These are guys who play with cream all day and whisk egg whites till they’re stiff.
Now same-sex couples can lead normal lives like other married people… and grow… bored…
together. Kind of takes the gay right out of gay.
Make Love Not War, Sharia Style
It looks like we’ve finally got a nuclear deal with Iran. They agree to not make a bomb and we
agree to marry multiple wives under Sharia law.
Republicans, who were taking steps to impeach Obama, have changed their minds and
subscribed to Baghdad Bride Magazine.
Hillary Beats Off Republicans
And Republican presidential hopefuls are sticking it up the middle class, or is it sticking up for
the middle class? Either way it hurts. So I’m counting on Hillary to beat off that stick.
Jenner Finds His Inner Caitlin
Meanwhile Olympic titan Bruce Jenner is a woman now. More power to her, or less, we’ll have
to see how she does in the pole vault.
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