Journal 1 Parenting is a lifelong process because… What is difference between parenting and parenthood? Does parenting come naturally?
I.Parenting– A Learning Process A. Parenting Def: A process of caring for children & helping them grow & develop 1. Requires understanding child’s needs in all areas – at different ages No two children are the same Childrens’ needs are different as they grow up
2. Involves physical care, encouragement, love, support, guidance, and much prayer “nurture” Love, support, concern, understanding, planting seeds for positive Christian development
3. Takes time, practice, & prayer You can’t do it all by yourself on your own strength, abilities, and wisdom LET GO & LET GOD!
4. There is NO one method Each child/family is different Each have different needs
5. Can improve parenting skills by: Seeking advice from friends & family Read books & magazines Observe other parents and children Attend parenting classes – support group Gain experience with children MOPS
B. Understanding Children Learn about children’s capabilities, interests, & needs at various ages so there will be realistic expectations Needs change as grow and change “act your age” – they naturally do 1. Recognize normal patterns of development yet respect differences between children Puzzles, stranger anxiety, walking
C. Providing Enrichment - Encouragement 1. Teach children Parents are children’s first teachers 2. Children learn by exploring their world, trying new things, & imitating others – must be given “freedom” to learn – eliminate barriers
3. Learning takes place through everyday experiences – shopping etc 4.Stimulate, hold, talk, play 5. Allow them to try and fail with understanding and patience 6. Praise 7. Unfortunately…deprivation is in many homes Lack of healthy nurturing environment Unwillingness to take the time to teach & love Both wealthy and poor
D. Providing Love & Support 1.“nurturing” 2. Showing affection – hugs, kisses, smiles 3. Listening patiently, attentively 4. Respecting their feelings, concerns 5. Giving time & attention 6. Giving affirmation & praise 7. Planting seeds for Christian growth
E. Overparenting Overprotective & over attentive Too much attention too many toys too many treats not allowing children to make any choices
F. Communicating Positively 1. Be a good listener 2. Use kind, respectful tones Difference b/w yelling & screaming and using firm voice 3. Get on child’s level – sit, kneel, eye to eye or else they feel intimidated 4. Be simple – words they understand
5. Don’t major on minors 6. Pick your battles 7. Be clear -remember child’s point of view 8. Be positive and polite – instead of so many “don’ts” 9. Give praise & love – often “actions speak louder than words” 10. MODELING 11. Open, trusting communication is foundation of a lifelong relationship…
G. Christian parenting 1. Molding & making them in God’s ways, to be Christ-like, planting seeds of Christ’s love in their hearts so they’ll be equipped to serve 2. God consciousness Do this in whatever area you’re talking about – play, talking, disciplining, etc. PRAYER is key! We’re not alone in parenting – supported through family members, Christian community, school, church
3. “Do you promise to receive these children in love, pray for them, help instruct them in the faith, and encourage and sustain them in the fellowship of believers?”
H. Positive Parenting Techniques 1. State the rules clearly 2. Offer alternatives 3. Give praise 4. Give unconditional love 5. Be a role model 6. Give positive messages 7. Be consistent 8. Allow the child to try
Journal 2 You are the parent of a 3 year old. Your child is joining you to shop at Target. Following Target, you’ll be going to grandma’s house. While shopping, your child is having his fruit snacks and was told that there will be no more snacks. You’re at the check-out counter. Your child wants a snack and when you say “no”, he proceeds to throw a temper tantrum. What would you do? Define discipline.
Chapter 3 Section 2Guiding Children’s Behavior “One of the most challenging aspects of parenting is discipline…” Journal 3 – how did you define discipline?
A. Understanding Discipline 1. Discipline = guidance a. Disciplining – i) directing children toward acceptable forms of behavior – nurturing 2. Some equate discipline with punishment however, punishment is just a small part of guidance 3. Effective guidance helps children learn to get along with others & deal with their feelings in proper ways – emotional/social support and development
4. Guidance also includes moral development a. learn right from wrong & WHY – develop conscience – inner sense of what’s right 5. Ultimate goal – self-discipline – ability to control your own behavior 6. 3 Keys to effective Discipline 1. encouraging appropriate behavior 2. setting & enforcing limits 3. dealing with inappropriate behavior in effective ways
B. Encouraging Appropriate Behavior Put yourself in child’s shoes – a. must explain what kind of behavior is expected – need to know expectation or else get frustrated/confused – You want to know what’s expected of you…test etc. 2. Setting a good example – kids are imitators 3. Telling what is expected – depending on age
4. Praising appropriate behavior Positive reinforcement i) response encouraging a particular behavior b. Catch your child being good – praise 1. Be specific 2. Be sincere and positive 3. Give praise as soon as possible 4. Tailor praise to needs of children 5. Takes 4 positive responses to 1 negative
C. Setting Limits 1. Can refer to physical restrictions or others like, “we don’t hit other people” – should keep them from hurting themselves, others, & property 2. Does the limit allow the child to learn & explore? Watch out for too much restriction 3. Is the limit fair appropriate for age level?
4. Does the limit benefit the child or is it simply for parents’ convenience? 5. Make limits clear and firmly & consistently forced
D. Dealing with inappropriate behavior 1. Re-directing 2. unintentional misbehavior – dropping a glass of milk, waiting for food at restaurant 3. Using punishment effectively – consequences, negative reinforcement – discouraging behavior form being repeated
4. 1st offense – possible warning? 5. Punishment proportional to seriousness of behavior 6. Punishment that fits the crime 7. natural consequences 8. Loss of privileges 9. Ignoring – if not harmful Sometime misbehave for attention 10. Time-out Take away from others and activity
11. Issues concerning discipline Spanking – Yes or No? a. Should never be out of anger or frustration b. In many cases, other alternatives could be more effective c. not 1st plan of action
12. Poor disciplinary measures a. Bribing – learn to expect external rewards for good behavior- should come from within, the desire to do good b. Making children promise to behave – mistakes will be made – don’t force them to lie about misbehavior c. Shouting or yelling – use calm, reasonable voice; otherwise children will learn to “tune out” d.Shaming or belittling – “you’ll never amount to anything” e. Threatening to withhold love
E. Handling Conflict 1. Allow child to discuss & express feelings 2. Why did you act the way you did, maybe they have a valid reason 3. Let them help decide the punishment, gives them some feelings of responsibility 4. Why do you feel this way? 5. How could you act differently next time?
F. Consistency 1. The key to avoid mixed signals 2. Need to be consistent for the child to feel she is in a safe environment, need consistent expectations
Chapter 3 Section 3Providing Substitute Care Journal 4 What would be your 1st choice someday concerning child care? Why? Parents are the best source for love & learning
A. Need for substitute care One parent homes Two parent home – both working outside of the home 3. Although one of the parents provide full-time care for child, parents still desire child to be involved in pre-school for social aspects
B. Types of Substitute Care 1. Home-based care a. Care in child’s own home – someone comes in to care for child Babysitter, family member, nanny b. Family child care – small # of children cared for in caregiver’s home c. Play groups – group of parents take turns caring for each other’s children
2. Center-based care a. Child care centers – provide care for children of working parents Mostly ages 2 and up, some infants b. Preschools – provides education program Ages 3-5 c. Parent cooperatives – facility with parents taking turns donating their services
d. Head start centers – helps lower income & disadvantaged children Age 3-5 Meals, health care, and social services e. Montessori preschools – special learning materials in which children are free to explore on their own Not much structure
3. Care for older children a.U.S. at least 2 million “latch key kids” i) Unsupervised from time they get home to time parents get home, or before school b. Many communities providing care for these older children – supervised recreation, homework help, etc. c. How would you evaluate quality care? Pg.87
How To Be A Hero To Your Kids – by Josh McDowell The 6 A’s of Positive Parenting 1. Acceptance Unconditional, no strings attached love “Do you love your child for what he does or b/c of who he is?” A human being made in God’s image with BUILT-IN value by his Creator “Your lovable, capable, part of God’s creation; a sinner, yes, but redeemed & forgiven & now you can become all that He wants you to be”
Recognize each child’s unique-ness…celebrate it!! Unconditional love/acceptance develops security; if we accept them, they’ll accept themselves building self-worth, self-esteem Accept the child’s “being”
2. Appreciation For their words and actions – their effort/accomplishments make a difference to someone “try to catch your child doing right” – honest encouragement & praise If we base our acceptance on performance, then they don’t ever have the freedom to make mistakes, allowing them to experience consequences & learn from them Parents like to be rescuers – talk for them; do for them “I appreciate my child’s effort more than my child’s accomplishments & I appreciate my child’s worth as a human being even more than my child’s effort.”
Acceptance of child’s being gives security & self-worth Appreciation of child’s doing makes him feel significant
3. Affection – give your child huge doses of affection “Speak love in your home- hug a lot” Often as our children grow older, we give less & less affection “almost every single one of you has 2 fears. One is the fear that you’ll never be loved, & the other is the fear you will never be able to love” SHOW YOUR LOVE TO YOUR SPOUSE – one of the best gifts to give your children
4. Availability Love is spelled T-I-M-E There has to be quantity to get quality Consistent small amounts Make commitment to do things with kids and don’t break it Go to their activities Do crazy things, ask questions!!
5. Accountability Willing to be called to accountability to explain or answer for your actions in a responsible way The children are responsible for their actions; parents certainly are too Older you are – more choices & responsibility
6. Authority You must discipline your children and have authority over them PARENTING STRATEGIES Autocratic/authoritative –big on rules, low on relationship “You’ll do it my way or else” Permissive “you can do anything you want” Neglectful “I really don’t care what you do” Relational/Democratic “I’m listening…I care about you…I want to understand you…this time we’ll do it this way b/c…” DO PARENTING STYLES ASSIGNMENT ONLINE Watch “Cheaper By the Dozen”
Boundaries, limitations are necessary – spell them out Natural consequences – touch a burner, get burned Logical consequences – if you don’t eat meal, no snack Consistency is CRUCIAL Forgive & ask for forgiveness “will you forgive me?” Is relational; “I’m sorry” is not Overall more concerned about relationships than rules “Heroes are made, not born”