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8. Welcome to the Training Course on How to Find a Boyfriend!
Congratulations on taking a step in the right direction learning the skills, strategies and
techniques you need to find a loving, long term relationship with a boyfriend. I'm Dave, and I'm
going to guide you through the process of attracting a man you’re in love with.
Lesson 1 - The Basics of Attraction
Attraction can seem like a confusing thing. Sometimes, people struggle their entire lives to fully
understand it. But that needn't be the case. Though many factors go into causing people to be
sexually, socially, and romantically drawn to one another, they can be summarized in a few main
principles.
But before we talk about any of that, we have to go over what attraction IS in the first place.
After all, if your goal is to cause someone to feel attracted to you, we would have to know what
our goal right? So here is a quick definition.
Attraction: an emotional, sexual, or social desire for a specific type of attention from another
person.
Notice I said the word "desire." This implies a very simple but important principle that people
often overlook. That principle is that "You can't want what you already have!!"
This is one of the most absolutely important ideas behind attraction. Two magnets aren't being
pulled together if they are already next to each other! If I were to meet a nice young lady
tomorrow who wanted to marry me and she thought the world of me and I felt no chance of
failure, it would completely ruin the attraction process! I had no time to build up a desire for her.
Does a man with a million dollars want a million dollars? Does a kid with ice cream feel an
intense desire to have more ice cream??? Does a person with a really good friend sit around and
think about how they want a really good friend???? No!
You get the picture here. So a desire always involves two factors:
1. Something/someone that is considered valuable which is obtainable
2. Not completely having that valuable thing/person
So, in order to make a man drawn to you, he needs to experience how awesome you are, but not
be able to completely have that awesomeness, at least until you have him. All of this will become
clear later on.
But we also see in our definition that there are different types of attraction: social, emotional, and
sexual. Believe it or not, when you are attracted to someone, especially if you are in love with
them, all three factors are full force, not just one of them. So now we must fully understand what
these three types of attraction are, and go over how you can use them to attract a man.
9. Three Types of Attraction
There are three types of attraction.
• Sexual Attraction
• Social and Investment Based Attraction
• Addiction/Emotion Based Attraction
Each of these gets less and less surface and deeper as it goes down.
Sexual Attraction
Women are immediately sexually attracted to cool guys with status and lots of people who give
them social attention. This is why rock stars, player types, and people in power are attractive to
women. On the contrary, it is no secret that men are strongly attracted woman's physical
appearance. Now before you think any self-depreciating thoughts you need to know that if you
are a woman under 30 you are automatically set up to succeed in this area, using simple
strategies we will talk about later. Men emotionally respond to women who are physically
healthy and have physical indications of fertility and childbearing potential. So this means that if
you dress nicely, get physically fit, and practice good hygiene, you are already well on your way
to succeeding in this area.
This is still an important area to succeed with even if you don’t plan on having sex before
marriage (like me). Even if you don’t have sex, sexual attraction is an important aspect of two
people coming together.
When someone encounters someone that they consider of high sexual value (cool guys in girl's
case) they are apt to socially invest in that person, which is the next mechanism of attraction.
Investment/Social Based Attraction
People keep putting money into slot machines or chasing someone who is getting farther away
from their grasp all the time. This demonstrates the power of investment. If you have already
spent time with one group of friends, you are apt to keep spending time with them, rather than
going off and making new friends all of a sudden. This type of attraction is universal and applies
to dating, friendships, and all sorts of different areas of life. Basically, the more a person has
worked at getting someone or something, the more time and effort they are willing to put into it.
Social investment builds deeper and more satisfying emotional connections, until finally we get
to the deepest form of emotional connection, which is what can be used to cause intense
romantic attraction.
10. Romantic/Emotional Based Attraction
The final type of attraction or value that a person can have is deep emotional value. Social
connections get deeper and deeper into this, as do friendships. However, when one person starts
approving of another in the deepest way possible, and starts validating them for their deepest
hopes, dreams, and fears, the building blocks of romantic love start to take shape. When a
woman truly understands a man and thinks he is the type of man he has always wanted to be, (or
a guy with a woman), they will begin to become addicted to the other persons emotional
attention. Once tension is added to this equation, romantic love is in its perfect habitat to bloom.
All of these things are what causes another person to value the attention of another, either
socially, sexually, or emotionally. However, remember that desire does not exist unless that
which is desired is slightly out of reach. This is why we introduce tension, adversity, and
uncertainty into the relationship, in safe and healthy ways.
Tension Across the Board
Sexual, social, and deepest emotional attention are the three types of connection that people
crave from one another. However, in order for them to actually crave it, they have to know its
valuable but not completely have it. In order to build attraction in every stage, tension must be
introduced into every stage.
Sexual Tension
If a girl wears a more revealing dress, or a really popular guy winks at a girl, these cause
emotional reactions. Tension is aroused these situations, because both people are showing to the
person that they are attracted to that they do not completely have them. Research has even shown
that a partially nude woman causes more sexual arousal in a man than even a naked woman!
Social Tension
Notice when groups of guys and girls first meet, after exchanging introductions and beginning to
hang out, they begin teasing one another and saying jokingly mean things to each other. This
stimulates each other to socially invest and to appreciate the attention they are giving to one
another, in a fun and light hearted way. It's often remarked that girls always fall for the "jerks"
and guys fall for the "flirts" and the "teases." This is why. Artificial and pretend barriers to social
interaction are created in order to cause investment and desire for social connection to deepen.
Emotional and Romantic Tension
Finally, when someone has been receiving deep emotional approval at their core from another
person, and then they suddenly don't hear from that person or are unsure if they continue to feel
that way about them, the emotions are rather intense. This is because it relates to the person's
deepest desires with respect to how they want to be loved. When one person likes another person
in a very special way that they have always wanted, emotions get very strong. That is why any
tension placed on that is extremely powerful indeed.
11. Review
In this lesson, we learned what attraction is and that people can't be attracted to things they
already have or think they will never lose.
In this lesson, we learned that there are three types of attention that people want from each other:
sexual, social, and emotional. When we 1) Increase the value of the attention we give people in
these areas and 2) add uncertainty, adversity, or in any way not let the person completely have
said attention, attraction is then created.
Review Quiz
1. Why is tension important?
a. It bullies people into liking you and doing things for you
b. it makes people feel that what they value is slightly out of reach
c. tension is not important
2. What is one of the most important ideas behind all types of desire and attraction
a. people can't want what they already completely have
b. people want what they are working to get
c. guys and girls all have sexual desire
d. all ideas are equally important
3. What are the three types of attraction that can take place?
a. mental, physical, and emotional
b. psychosocial, socioeconomic, and psychokinetic
c. spiritual, sexual, and mental
d. sexual, social, and emotional
4. What is the deepest type of attraction?
a. sexual
b. emotional
c. investment
d. They are all equal
12. 5. When we say we are attracted to another person, what we really mean is:
a. we want to be physically next to them
b. we want to make out with them
c. we desire a specific type of attention we could receive from them
d. we want to be their friend
Answers:
1) B, 2) A, 3) D, 4) B, 5) C
Day 2: Training Course on How to Find a Boyfriend!
Yesterday, we learned all about the mechanisms that cause attraction and what attraction is in the
first place. We learned about the three specific types of attention that people value from one
another, and how to increase the desire for those types of attention. Yesterday was a lot of
theoretical information. Today we are going to work on specifically applying that theoretical
information in real and tangible ways.
Lesson 2 - Things to Do Before You Start Meeting Guys
The title is a little misleading because you should always be meeting guys and other girls and
building friendships and connections, because you can never know what can come of them.
However, this week we are going to talk about the value/sexual side of attraction and the step
that comes "causally prior" to other types of improvement, though in time and in real life it may
not happen in this sort of strict sequence.
In the last section we went over how women are universally attracted to guys with lots of status,
popularity, and power. On the contrary, it is universally known and proven that men are attracted
to women who are "pretty." Now before you get overly concerned I want to tell you right now
that being pretty enough to have a boyfriend is a LOT easier than you think, especially if you are
20-30 years old. This is because of what guys mean when they say "pretty" or "hot" is much
more within your control than it seems.
Research shows that when men are attracted to women, they are attracted to a specific type of
physical beauty, which may not be exactly the same as what you think is pretty, say for example
when another girl walks into the room. There are specific biologically and emotionally
programmed criteria that make a woman physically attractive. They are:
• Physical indications of youthfulness
• Physical indications of health
• Physical indications of fertility (child bearing potential)
13. Now a guy is not sitting back with a checklist and saying things like "she in good health?
Check!, able to have healthy babies?? Check!" That's not how it works at all. All these factors
work together and merge into one emotional response in a guy. What I mean is that he may not
even be consciously aware of the fact that her youthfulness (i.e. early 20's) is having an effect on
him. He is just biologically and unconsciously programmed to have a positive emotional
response to all these factors, and is not even necessarily consciously aware of them.
Sometimes people get very discouraged about how they look, especially compared to other
women. A lot of this is unfounded, especially when it comes to getting a boyfriend. As powerful
as physical attraction is to a man, attraction is not at all fully based on that. If you are "average"
looking young woman, you are in the most beautiful class of people on earth from a man's
standpoint. What a woman looks like to a man is far more in her control than it seems.
The above bullet points, in real life correspond to these kinds of things. Some of these seem
"shallow" to from your standpoint, but I need to mention them because they are things that will
just naturally improve as you improve your health and the way you dress, which we will discuss
later.
• Hip to waist ratio
• Facial symmetry
• Proportional physical features in general
The prevailing theory as to why men are attracted to these things are because, as mentioned
previously, they are outward signs of health and fertility. Things like hip to waist ratio have been
associated with estrogen in research. Facial symmetry shows that a person is not deformed in any
way or have severe genetic defects. The reason why psychologists and biologists think men are
hardwired to like signs of health and fertility is because it programs them to seek the healthiest
mates to have the healthiest children. Even though most young women in the U.S. are likely to
be healthy or lack physical deformities, keep in mind it’s not an objective assessment, but an
emotional and pre-programmed response by a guy, regardless if you are actually healthy, fertile,
etc. or not.
Again, physical appearance, though important, is probably less important than you think.
Psychologist Dorothy Tennov interviewed 500 different people to find out what caused people to
fall in love with each other. Remarkably, physical appearance played a role, but was not the
strongest factor. For a real life example, a girl who I had flirted with asked me to go out to eat
dessert with her once. I said no because I thought she wasn't pretty enough for me. However,
months later after not having talked to her in a long while since, I fell madly in love with her and
desperately wanted to be with her and adored her. This proves that attraction is mostly rooted in
psychological events that happen to the person who is potentially interested, instead of being a
hard and fast thing associated with appearance.
14. There are many ways that you can naturally improve the way you look. Here are the main ways
to do so:
• get physically healthy and in shape
• dress with good fashion and style
• issues related to presentation
Improving Physical Health
Let's face it. A lot of people in the United States are overweight. A lot of those overweight
people, especially in the younger category, would be considered very attractive if they just
improved their health a little bit. I am not saying this in an insensitive way. I am just saying this
to remind you on how important this area of your life is to maintain. Being overweight does you
a big disservice because it distorts natural advantages that you have that are attractive. Being
overweight distorts a positive hip to waist ratio, which is considered universally attractive across
all cultures. If you are young, it also makes you appear unhealthy when you would otherwise
appear very healthy. Finally, it distorts natural body proportion that you would have. Young
women (18-30) are the prettiest people in the world because it is just naturally so. Don't deprive
yourself of these advantages just because of a lack of attention to your health.
In order to improve your health you need to improve how you eat. The number of calories you
eat needs to be less than the calories you burn. However, it is a myth that you can eat whatever
you want as long as the calories are low. Healthy foods, like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and
skim milk actually affect how your body burns calories, either through metabolism or affecting if
you feel hungry or not. Get addicted to healthy foods, and put yourself in environments where
you know you will eat healthy.
To improve your health you also need to have regular aerobic exercise. This kind of exercise just
means "with oxygen." You need to get your heart rate up and breathing faster. The U.S.
government recommends a half hour of moderate aerobic exercise 5 days a week. This can be
done through a variety of means. Cycling, swimming, jogging, and recreational sporting
activities are all things you can consider to get this kind of exercise in.
Dressing in Style
A big part of appearing physically attractive is the manner in which you dress. Again, your
concern is to have good hygiene and accentuate your natural physical advantages without
advertising things your less than proud of. There are a couple easy ways to do this. First, avoid
types of clothing that you would only wear at home or that don't show any of your figure at all.
Sweatshirts and sweatpants are examples of this. Though they are very useful for outdoor events
or for watching television with friends, they are less than ideal when you are coming into contact
with potential dating prospects. It doesn't highlight any of your bodies figure, and all around isn't
the "nicest" way for men or women to dress. However, you don't have to become a fashion
expert to look nice. Just look around at women you personally think dress with class and style.
Start to model how they dress if it's a style that you like.
15. Presentation
There are many general things you can do to improve presentation, that apply to men and women
alike. First, make sure you practice good hygiene. It's likely you already do this since you are a
girl, but hygiene will hurt you if you are one of the types that doesn't pay attention to it as much.
Also, wearing a little make up and smiling a lot are very helpful in having a pleasing demeanor.
Stand up with good posture as opposed to slouching. Looking directly into people's eyes is also
very helpful, since many men become intoxicated by the eyes of the person they like.
Review
In this lesson we learned the basics of "sexual value" based attraction. Men are attracted to pretty
girls, but “pretty” has a definition that may be much different than what many women think.
Pretty is associated with an appearance of youthfulness, health, facial symmetry, and outward
signs of reproductive health. Many theorists believe men respond to this because it programs
them to seek a partner which will have healthy offspring.
There are a variety of ways to improve your appearance that are within your control. First, is to
become physically in shape, because doing so will enhance your already present natural physical
advantages you have as a young woman. Second, dressing with "class" and wearing clothes that
emphasize your figure will assist you to an extent. Finally, good presentation through things like
hygiene, smiling, and good posture, will also improve your appearance.
Quiz
1. Overall, physical attractiveness for young women is:
a. something that comes with genetics and they have to live with
b. something that is more within their control than many believe
c. is either had or is not
d. the most important factor in finding a boyfriend
2. Being physically in shape is helpful for physical appearance because
a. it enhances natural physical proportions that you have
b. it makes you look healthier
c. it makes you more confident in how you come off to others
d. all of the above
3. When men experience attraction they:
a. have a single, immediate, emotional response based on the mixing together of
several physical factors
b. have a mental checklist of things like health, fertility indicators, and youthful
appearance
c. think girls are only hot or not, and nowhere in between
d. have no differences in physical preferences depending on the guy
16. 4. Many theorists believe men are interested in physical appearance because:
a. men only care about sex
b. researchers have no idea why men like physical appearance
c. physical appearance is a quick way to assess whether or not they will have healthy
offspring
d. researchers don't think physical appearance is important at all
5. According to the research study by Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a person's physical appearance:
a. the most important factor in causing someone to fall in love
b. not a factor at all in falling in love
c. not related at all to her research study
d. a factor in falling in love, but not as important as events that happen between
people
Answers:
1) B, 2) D, 3) A, 4) C, 5) D
The Training Course on How to Find a Boyfriend! Part 3
Yesterday, we learned all about value/sexual based attraction that happens initially when a
person encounters another person and decides if they want to get to know them better. The day
before, we talked about all the theory behind attraction. But today, we are going to talk about
how to meet people that you could potentially be attracted to, so that you can start attracting and
getting to know the people you might want to be with.
Lesson 3 - Networking and How and Where to Meet Guys
Now that we have established simple strategies to appear more attractive, the next thing we need
to do is figure out where and how to meet the types of guys that you will be most likely to be
attracted to.
Where to Meet
Before you decide where to meet guys, you need to find out what your interests are. If you get
involved with activities or a group of friends that you have nothing in common with just to meet
guys, you will have less fun and not meet the people who you would be most compatible with.
There is a multi-step process you can use to find the best kinds of activities that you can do
where you will be able to meet men.
17. 1. If you are at a college, find out all of the activities that it has going on. If you live in a
town by yourself, find out about all the clubs and organizations within your town.
2. List off the clubs and organizations that you are interested in or would at least might be
interested in getting involved with.
3. Next, circle all the clubs in that list you made where you think their could be a fair
number of guys.
4. Pick 1 or 2 of these organizations, and go try them out.
5. Become actively involved in those organizations, if they continue to interest you.
It is important to become involved in additional activities besides work or school, where men (or
both sexes) are actively involved. Just a cursory involvement will not allow you to get to know
the people on a deeper level or give any of them the chance to fall in love with you, if you want
one of them to. Though meeting lots and lots of people is important, which we will talk about in
a moment, your greatest asset as far as networking is to get deeply involved in 1 or 2 medium to
large organizations that have many guys and girls in it and start getting to know the guys there.
Here are a list of possible organizations that will likely have a fair amount of guys:
• religious organizations
• Greek life events that involve both sororities and fraternities
• organizations associated with your major (if your major has a lot of guys)
• workout clubs
• various student committees
• certain types of social causes or activism organizations
So once you are involved in said organizations, what’s the next step? Well, people often develop
close friendships in the organizations they are involved with, whether it be church groups, Greek
life, philosophy club, Student Activities Committee, or anything else. This means that they will
often get together and go out to eat or do something after meeting is over. You need to go along
with these additional social events besides just the meetings, because that's where the friendships
and romantic relationships form. If the people in the meetings know each other well but don't
seem to regularly hang out in other places besides the meetings, you can be the first to organize
it. Many of the people in two of the campus ministries at my college go out to eat at Applebee's
after their Thursday night meetings. This is a great way to get to know people at a better level,
and to meet friends of friends, for romantic purposes or just for friendship. Just make sure you
are having a good time with everyone, guys and girls alike, or else you might get too much of an
agenda and get too stuck in your head, which will be detrimental to you in the long and short
run.
Other Places to Meet People
As far as networking and meeting people in general, there are other ways to meet guys that are
wider in nature. Make sure you meet every guy who walks up to you or who you run into in any
location. Just strike up a friendly conversation and find out a few quick facts about him. If your
friends are with guy friends you haven't met, introduce yourself to them. Be somewhat thorough
about meeting everyone who looks familiar. For example, if you are sitting next to a guy in class
and you haven't met him, shake his hand and find out his name and make small talk. If you are at
18. a club or organization, make sure to meet the people (and guys) in your vincinity, and always try
to introduce yourself to someone if you consistently see them around but don't know their name.
If there is a new guy at work, go out of your way to meet him. All you have to say is "Hey, I
have seen you around a lot but I haven't introduced myself to you yet. Hi I'm (insert your name).
Nice to meet you." Once you meet the person, try to practice remembering their names and what
they tell you about themselves. These are people who you will likely see again, even if it’s only
occasional. You never know who you could meet!
Getting to Know the People in Your Circle
Once you have got a group of people you like hanging out with on a regular basis, including both
girls, and guys you might like, there are some steps you can begin to take to increase the amount
of time spent with them, especially guys. An extremely effective strategy is to get a couple girl-
friends together and offer to make a bunch of your guy friends meals on occasion. My freshman
year in college, a group of three girls we knew who wanted to get to know us better offered to
make us dinner or had us over to their dorm room to watch movies. Us guys, who had nothing
better to do but couldn't refuse food, had no choice but to come ;). This was a very effective
strategy for them, since some of us guys either became interested in them, or they became
interested in one of us. Guys really like food and they like hanging out with girls and guys,
particularly in larger groups (6-8). This is a strategy that you can employ to get guys to come
along with you and just have fun.
Make sure you aren't stuck in your head when you do this and make sure you are happy and have
a good time joking around and getting to know everyone. Also, doing this kind of event with
another girl-friend or two is helpful in getting even more guys to come and makes the planning
easier on you.
Repeated exposure and investment are very important factors in human relationships. Make sure
that these guys that you start hanging out with that you continue to do so, if you get along with
them. This increases your networking capability and will increase their attraction to you. One
research study showed that the more familiar and more often guys saw an attractive woman, the
hotter they thought she was. Also, people tend to become invested and emotionally attached to
the people they spend time with and get to know on a deep level. This by no means guarantees
success with any particular guy. It's just a technique that you can use to make sure you get the
most out of the efforts you put in.
Review
In this lesson we talked about how to find places to meet guys, and how it is important to get to
know people well in specific organizations. We also went over different techniques and
strategies for getting guys to hang out with you and how to meet people outside your regular
interactions.
19. Quiz
1. Overall, when networking, it is most important to:
a. meet everyone you possibly can
b. get to know a targeted group of people and get to know the guys in that group
c. meet other girls, because guys like hanging around girls
d. be able to pass a test about attraction
2. When seeing people who are familiar but you haven't met, its best to:
a. "play hard to get" and wait for them to introduce themselves to you
b. try to say hi, but act shy so you don't offend them
c. talk to them a lot the first time you meet
d. introduce yourself to them
3. When setting up an informal social event with your circle, it is best to
a. involve one or two other friends that are girls
b. do it by yourself
c. involve several other friends that are girls
d. it's best to let other people set up things like this
4. When participating in social activities with your wider social network, it is best to:
a. mentally strategize about the theories of attraction as you are talking to a guy
b. only talk to girls and let the guys walk up to you
c. make sure you maintain the social relationships you make in order to create
familiarity
d. never step out of your comfort zone and hope for God or destiny to do it all for
you
5. When choosing an activity to get involved with, you should:
a. only bother about whether it has mostly guys, and forget about your interests
b. only do something you are interested in, even if its only girls
c. get involved with something that has plenty of guys and girls
d. only pick really small organizations
Answers:
1) B, 2) D, 3) A, 4) C, 5) C
20. The Training Course on How to Find a Boyfriend! Part 4
Yesterday, we talked about networking and how to find guys that you might want to make your
boyfriend. Before that, we talked about tips and strategies directly within your control to make
you more attractive to guys, which is the way you naturally are if you are in the age bracket I
generally teach to (18-28 or so). Before that, we talked about all the theory behind human
attraction and why all this works. But today, we are going to talk about how to have good
conversations once you meet the guys you want to get to know better.
Lesson 4: How to Have Great Conversations
A lot of attraction is very within your control. The emotions you create by having interactions
with people will greatly enhance your odds of finding the relationship you want. Physical
appearance is only a part of attraction. Though important, perhaps equally or more important is
the events that psychologically happen to a man over the course of the time you know him.
Remember, there are three types of attraction: sexual, social, and emotional. Today we are going
to talk about strategies and tips that will draw people to you on a social wavelength. After all, in
a frenzied effort to avoid the "friend zone," people often forget the word "friend" in boyfriend! If
he's not your friend in some sense, he's not your boyfriend either. The social dimension is a very
necessary part of attraction, and the emotions created within it are some of the main one's people
use to get people to like them (like teasing, flirting, and humor for example).
The Core Elements of Social Interaction
Social interactions seem complicated, but they all have a few things in common, especially in the
interactions that spawn feelings of attraction:
• The topics of discussion - every social interaction involves talking about various topics
or subject matters.
• Emotional connections- every conversation involves forming emotional connections, or
common emotional feelings, about various topics of discussion
• Questions - When people aren't sharing common emotions on existing topics, they are
using questions, remarks, or telling stories to find more things to connect on.
• Humor and teasing - to increase emotional excitement, and to create and release tension
through this process, people involve humor and light teasing.
In general, when people get to know each other, people rotate between:
1. forming emotional connections on topics
2. using questions, remarks or stories to find more topics to connect on
The topics that you connect on usually start simple, such as agreeing that it is hot outside. As the
conversation continues, questions are usually employed to find deeper topics to emotionally
connect on (i.e. feel the same about). This is the essence of what psychologists call rapport,
21. which means feeling on the same page or emotionally in tune with someone else. This rotation
between feeling the same about certain topics, and finding more things to feel the same about, is
how people become friends.
However, you are not just in the business of making friends, though that is important. You are in
the business of making a boyfriend by creating attraction as well. Basically, we don't want to just
build emotional connections, we want them to want an emotional connection with us. For
example, it's not enough for the person to just like us. Our goal is to also make them want to be
liked by us. This is where creating tension comes in. In the rotation between emotional
connections and finding more things to connect on, we have to add tension, humor, and teasing
wherever is appropriate, to get people to be more emotionally involved in connecting with us.
This is the essence of flirting. When you briefly or jokingly don't form a connection with
someone on something, they laugh, but unconsciously feel the emotion of wanting you to like
them at a very small level, if you do it right. Notice how extremely popular people are not afraid
to joke around and exchange pretend teases with other people. This is part of why people not
only like them, but feel an ever so subtle urge to be liked by them. The goal is not to degrade
someone so they feel like they have to work up to your level. Nor is the goal even to slightly
upset people. The goal is to occasionally and jokingly not create an emotional connection. This
has the subtle effect of make people just want to emotionally connect even more.
So how does this work out in real life conversations? Below, we will address each element that
needs to be in a conversation in order to be successful.
Finding Things to Emotionally Connect On
When you first meet someone, you obviously don't know very much about them. But you need to
find a way to connect with them initially to get the process going. If you are in a common
environment or part of the same organization, connect with the person on the basis of the last
activity you did. This "breaks the ice" and starts the conversation process. You need to continue
searching for things to feel the same about, whether it be something funny you just saw or more
things related to your environment. Then you can start asking questions about them to find more
things about them. This gives you more things to feel the same about and relate to them about.
From there, if they are enjoying the conversation, you can continue to ask deeper questions about
their background, their hobbies and interests, and other things you think may be of interest to
them. Once you have found a common bond based on each other’s interests, you can proceed to
even deeper topics that you both feel strongly about, if the conversation naturally goes there.
Forming Emotional Connections On Topics
Once you have found topics that interest both of you, you can compliment them on those topics
(such as their hobbies) and tell stories about yourself that relate to that particular subject matter.
Once you have found a topic to connect on, make sure you don't just stay on the surface, but find
out why they like that, and in general try to get them to open up emotionally about it.. You also
want to put yourself in their shoes and genuinely feel the same way about the topic as them. The
22. goal here is not just to get them to say they like playing guitar, and then you just saying that's
cool and moving on. No, the goal here is to get them fired up and unleash the passion they have
on that subject. You want to encourage them based on what they say, and mirror back the same
emotions they are showing to you, while putting yourself in their shoes.
Adding Tension
There are lots of ways to add tension to a conversation. However, you must remember the goal is
not to make someone feel less than you or in any way insulted, even a little bit. The goal is
simply to do and say things to them in a humorous way that adds slight tension to the
conversation. This "spices up" the talk you are having and makes it more fun. You can do this by
joking around with them, teasing them, pretending (very jokingly!) that you want to go talk to
someone else, playfully resisting requests they give you, and many others. When even this very
slight lack of emotional connection is added to the interaction, it livens things up and makes
people really enjoy the conversation with you and makes them enjoy the emotional connections
you make even more.
Nothing New
These techniques are not new. Many dating coaches who advocate a structured approach to
conversation almost always include something from each element above when advising people
on how to talk to each other. One coach (Adam Lyons) even came up with a special name for
slightly jarring the emotional connection through teasing. He called it "breaking rapport."
Remember, feeling on the same page is the emotional connection called rapport. When you
"break rapport", it adds tension to the conversation and is the essence of flirting.
Review
In this lesson, we learned about the social side of attraction and how people naturally make
friends and flirt with each other. Every social interaction that is good for making someone
attracted to you involves finding things to emotionally connect on, making those emotional
connections, and adding tension so they enjoy the emotional connections even more when they
do happen.
23. Quiz
1. All conversations have the goal of:
a. emotionally connecting by sharing similar emotions on various topics
b. interrogating people to make them work for your attention
c. making people feel less than you so they look up to you
d. the goal of every conversation is different
2. The goal of adding tension to a conversation is:
a. to slightly upset people so they want you to be nice again
b. to make people lower than you so they respect and look up to you
c. to make people feel awkward
d. to make it more fun and enhance the desire for more emotional connection
3. The social dimension of attraction:
a. should be avoided for fear of the friend zone
b. is very valuable in drawing together both friends and romantic partners alike
c. is the only dimension of attraction
d. is irrelevant to girls; the only goal is to be pretty
4. Ideally for attraction, conversations should:
a. Remain on the surface level at all times
b. Remain somewhere in the middle between surface and deep subjects.
c. Cover a wider and deeper range of things to connect on.
d. Start with really deep topics right away
5. In a conversation with another person you like, you should:
a. Focus mainly on learning about the other person
b. Focus less on learning about the other person, but relentlessly flirt with them
c. Focus only on building emotional connection, without anything else.
d. Use all three strategies wherever appropriate.
Answers: 1) A, 2) D, 3) B, 4) C, 5) D
24. The Training Course on How to Find a Boyfriend! Part 5
In the first lesson, we covered the 3 types of attraction and how they affect people. These types
of attraction are the sexual, social, and emotional levels of attraction. So far, we have covered
how to be sexually attractive (by improving your appearance in healthy ways) and how to be
socially attractive (in the last lesson on how to have great conversations). In this lesson, we are
going to talk about how to form the last of the three types of attraction, namely, how to get a guy
to to fall in love with you. This type of attraction actually has two lessons dealing with it, since
its so especially relevant to the topic of this training course, which is how to find a boyfriend.
Lesson 5 - Getting Him Deeply Addicted to You without Him Realizing It
In 1979, a psychologist named Dr. Dorothy Tennov did a research study into the nature of
romantic love. She interviewed over 500 people and gave questionnaires to over 100 others. Her
goal was to determine the exact nature of romantic love, namely, what it felt like to those
experiencing it, the phases it went through, and why it began in the first place. In her research,
she discovered many things that happened to people who were in love. However, one of the very
defining characteristics was an intense desire to be liked back by the other person. This desire
was felt as an intense ache in the center of the chest. They also couldn't stop thinking about the
other person.
She could only find four common characteristics that seemed to cause another person to fall in
love:
1. The person they were in love with met predetermined loose characteristics, which
seemed to center around age, background, etc. The person had to be a potential sex
partner as well.
2. The person falling in love had a hope that the other person liked them in return.
3. The person falling in love was uncertain whether or not they actually did.
4. The person falling in love was the type of person who could fall in love and wasn’t in
love with anyone else at the time.
In the second and third lessons, we covered how to be naturally physically attractive and how to
get involved in organizations where people share your values. This should take care of a lot of
point #1 above. Also, it’s important to note that what makes you sexually attractive often makes
you romantically attractive. This is proven by the fact that psychological studies show that men
fall in love faster than women and fall in love at first sight more often.
Tomorrow in part 6, we will talk about how to make the person uncertain as to whether or not
you like them. But uncertainty doesn't even matter if you don't want to be liked by the person in
the first place. If an 85 year old woman made me uncertain as to whether or not she liked me
romantically, it would have no impact on me. Therefore, in this lesson we have to cover how to
get him romantically addicted to your attention in the first place.
25. Creating an Addiction: The Water Metaphor
As is said by many and agreed upon by scientists, love really is an addiction. Let me illustrate.
You don't know it, but you have a very serious addiction right now. I'm not kidding. This
addiction is so severe that no amount of rehab could ever heal you. But guess what? You rarely
think about it, and desire for the substance you are addicted to likely does not consume your life.
So what's the addiction? The answer is water. All humans are seriously addicted to water,
because we would die without it. However, why doesn't the desire consume us? The answer is
because people in Western countries generally have enough to drink, so we don't obsess about
where and how to get water. However, that desire would immediately become obvious and one
of our main goals as humans if this situation were to change.
The same applies to falling in love. Making him addicted to your attention is like giving him lots
of water, something he really wants and needs. Now, he may not realize it, but if you use the
strategies outlined in the rest of this lesson, he may become dependent on your attention. But it
has to be the right kind of attention. Using our water metaphor, you can't give a thirsty person
gasoline and expect them to drink it! It has to be the right kind of attention.
However, the desire won't exist until the attention (the water) comes under threat or in limited
supply (through uncertainty). This lesson is about how to make your attention something he can't
live without, like water. The next lesson (part 6) is about how to use uncertainty to make him
realize he can't live without your attention, or basically to make him realize he is thirsty.
Two Components
In romantic desire we want to make your attention (the water) as valuable as possible, so that
when we threaten or make it uncertain, it has a profound effect on him emotionally. There are
two ways to make your attention valuable.
1. Have personal characteristics that increases the value he puts on your romantic
attention. These include physical and personality characteristics.
2. Make him experience the kind of attention from you that he can't live without.
Both of these factors usually work together to contribute to the quality of the attention he
receives from you. For example:
Characteristics (type) of woman + the type of attention she gives = emotional addiction
26. Practical Stuff to Do
So here's how to become the type of woman that increases the likelihood he falls in love with
you:
The Type of Woman You Are:
1. Target guys with similar demographics: (aka, same interest, same age, same religious
background, same lifestyle, same geographic area etc.).
2. Stay in shape, being neither too big or too skinny. (Once you meet this criteria most
everything else as far as looks won't matter as much. Looks may matter less than you
think as far as falling in love is concerned, if you are a healthy and well groomed
young adult.)
3. Be a mysterious, intriguing, reserved girl who sometimes smiles. OR be the girl that's
always happy, joking around and talkative with everyone.
4. Wear a little make up and do your hair nice.
5. Behave in a stereotypically respectable feminine or lady-like manner. (Act nurturing
for small children, ask him for help on things, etc. Also, don't talk too loud, act too
dominant, or act like a complete jerk.)
If you do the things above, you will increase the value of the attention you give him simply by
increasing his respect and admiration for who it is coming from. The next step is to enhance the
attention itself. Here are some ways you can do that.
The Type of Attention You Give:
1. Like him in a way that does not relate to something superficial, like money, how many
other girls laugh at his jokes, or how popular he is.
2. Get to know his deepest secrets, even the one's that make him feel unmanly, but let him
know you still think he is a real cool guy anyway.
3. Let him teach you something he knows about. Men like this position of leadership, and
by letting him explain something to you, you show you care about what he cares about
and respect him for his knowledge. (Knowledge is related to a man's mental capability
and strength.)
4. Find out what achievements he values the most, and make him feel really awesome for
doing those things.
5. Form an incredibly deep emotional connection as a friend. (This alone won't make him
fall in love, it must be coupled with other stuff, especially ideas in the next lesson).
6. Be the only girl that thinks he is really really cool, when everyone else thinks he's
goofy.
7. Encourage him in the goals he wants to achieve and respect him for his goals.
8. Make him believe that as his girlfriend (don't directly say this), you will do and say
things that make him feel very very respected, high status, heroic, and loved.
27. Remember, when giving attention to a guy, you need to make him feel extremely manly (aka
high status, heroic, respectable, victorious, strong, capable, smart...all the things guys want to be
deep down). However, make sure what you make him feel manly in a way that relates as close as
possible to his heart and soul, or personal identity. If you think he's a real stud because he is
president of a fraternity, that might not do as much for you as thinking he is a real stud for
teaching you about his favorite subject, or a real stud, just because of who he is.
Don't forget that just because he is addicted, doesn't mean he is in love with you.
Remember, we are all addicted to water, but we don't obsess over it. The next lesson talks about
how to make him realize his addiction to you and think about you a lot. If you only do this first
part, you might very well succeed. But you also might end up in the "friend zone" because he
might not realize his addiction for you. Today you learned how to give him what he's always
wanted (the water). Next week is how to make him thirsty, by using forms of emotional
adversity, such as uncertainty.
Quiz
1. What kind of attention do you need to give a man to make him want to be with you?
a. make him feel like a man because of something he has, such as a car
b. make him feel like a man because of the people he associates with
c. make him feel like a man because of something he is or has achieved
d. don't worry about making him feel like a man, best connections are made when
you make him one of the "girl-friends"
2. What is needed to make a man fall in love?
a. being the type of woman he wants to be loved by is good enough
b. it doesn't matter who you are, uncertainty is so powerful it's good enough
c. uncertainty, hope that you like him back, and personal characteristics
d. just hope that you like him back
3. Making a man romantically addicted is like water mainly because:
a. people can't live without water, but don't realize it until its in limited supply
b. water feels good when people drink it
c. giving a person enough water makes them want more water
d. none of the above
4. When changing how you present yourself, you should:
a. never act in a feminine way...it gives him too much power
b. stay in shape, be a happy person, and go for guys who share your background and
values
c. speak loudly to get his attention
d. tell him everything, leave nothing to mystery
28. 5. In general, as far as being manly is concerned, men are most preoccupied with:
a. most guys are only worried about being physically strong, not mentally strong
b. most guys just want to be nice and that's it
c. guys just want a good friend, they don't care how people perceive them
d. identities that relate to strength, capability, and status
Answers: 1) C, 2) C, 3) A, 4) B, 5) D
The Training Course on How to Find a Boyfriend! Part 6
In this course so far we have discussed all the different levels on which attraction takes place.
However, the most recent lessons (this one and last one) focus on the emotional/romantic level.
Last lesson we talked about how to get a man emotionally addicted to your attention. This week,
we will make him realize his addiction to you and make him "thirsty" for your attention. We
compared romantic desire to a person who is addicted to water. We are addicted to water, but we
usually have enough of it. However, once limitations or threats are placed on how much water
we can have, we suddenly intensely desire it.
Yesterday, we talked about how to get a man addicted to the "water" that is your attention. This
week, we are going to talk about the final piece that makes him fall in love, mainly making him
obsessed with getting that "water" and essentially making him thirsty for your attention, by
adding forms of healthy adversity to your relationship.
Lesson 6 - Unleash His Thirst for Your Attention and Affirmation
Last lesson, we talked about the 1979 psychological research study which outlined the
components that were required to make a person fall in love. We saw that people don't fall in
love with just anyone, but people who meet loose predetermined criteria. We also saw that they
had to actually want to be liked by the other person in a deep way. Finally, we saw that they were
required to experience uncertainty with regard to the romantic feelings of the other person.
This is rather crucial. The researcher (Dr. Tennov) actually found that the process of becoming
obsessively in love with another person completely stopped if the person falling in love was sure
of the feelings of the other person, especially early on. For example, if a guy started to get
interested in a girl, but she immediately rejected him every time he saw her, he would not fall in
love. Likewise, if he was sure she liked him back without a doubt and had no fear of loss, he
would not become obsessively in love either. This is why it's bad to be too desperate on the one
hand, or to be too "hard to get" on the other. When there is certainty in either direction (positive
or negative), obsession eventually dies. It dies rather quickly the earlier in the process you are.
This is also why married people usually aren't madly obsessed with each other their whole lives.
29. If you are still confused, this is just the whole "she loves me, she loves me not" thing. You have
to have him wondering, at least until the beginning of the relationship, whether or not you are
really into him, or just like talking to him. Remember, people don't obsess about getting
things they already have. When you create uncertainty, it creates adversity to the romance,
which is making them wonder if they actually have you or not and makes them work all that
much harder to get you.
There are many reasons why uncertainty is an extremely powerful technique.
First, it gives them a taste of what it's like to be liked by you. After all, the signs you are giving
them just might mean they are in love with you. People who are uncertain imagine what it would
be like for another person to be all about them, without the initial awkwardness that would come
from being sure of it. This why men often get addicted to the attention of pretty girls who are just
nice to them. They imagine that the niceness could mean she likes them a lot, and they imagine
what it would be like for such a cute woman to be obsessed with them. This makes them
addicted to what could be.
However, since they are not certain that the woman likes them, men feel the withdrawal and
disappointment of knowing that the woman might not like them back at all. This constant
rotation between feeling good because the girl might like him back, and feeling the
disappointment of knowing she might not, quickly addict the guy to the girl's attention.
Uncertainty also creates something called cognitive dissonance. As human beings, we can do
some pretty irrational things. But one thing we do not like to do is hold conflicting beliefs. Have
you ever met a person who believed in God, but also completely did not believe in God?
Probably not. Have you ever met a person who was entirely democrat and republican at the same
time? Probably not. As humans, when we come to hold two separate beliefs that end up being in
conflict, we always work to resolve the confusion, rejecting one or changing both beliefs so they
work together and are consistent.
The same applies to romantic uncertainty. When you create a state of confusion in another
person, they will work to resolve the tension between the evidence that you like them back, and
the evidence that you do not. However, if you do a really good job and the evidence is equal on
both sides, he will be in constant conflict within himself, trying to resolve the tension between
the two beliefs. This will ideally make him more and more obsessed, because he can't stop
thinking about how to resolve the two conflicting beliefs.
So in summary, uncertainty is incredibly powerful and is required to get another person
romantically obsessed with you. But how to actually create uncertainty in someone's mind. It's
hard enough to lie to people (even though you shouldn't be doing that to begin with!). It's
especially hard to try and get them to feel strong evidence for two conflicting ideas and to just
confuse them. So below are some practical ways to do that:
30. Ways to Create Uncertainty in a Man:
Do Things that Could Have Double Meanings
Go out to eat at a fast food place: If you are good friends with a guy you like, go out to eat with
him at a sit down fast food place every week or two. This looks a lot like friends, but it also
looks a lot like it could be something more.
Share deep conversations about secrets, hopes, dreams aspirations and fears. Again this is
something that really good friends can do, but also gets people emotionally connected and may
make them wonder if something more is going on, since boyfriends and girlfriends do this all the
time.
Spend a lot of time one-on-one without making a move. If a guy likes you even a little bit, this
will be particularly confusing since you are spending time one on one, like people in a
relationship, but aren't making any moves, which will make him wonder if there is something
between you guys.
Send Him Mixed Messages
Flirt a lot really hard, but occasionally act mildly bored or tired. Make sure to be ethical about
this and to not go too hard in either direction. Only do this if you really really like the guy.
Do nice things for him and act really into him, but one day act really out of it. This will cause
him to wonder what the matter is and if he completely has you. Again, only do this if you really
like the guy.
Create other kinds of Adversity
If you have to go to college or move away, act and talk like you really like him, but express
apprehension about the fact you are moving. If done properly and not in a discouraging manner,
this may motivate him to go to even move with you, or will just cause him to fall in love.
If another guy besides him asks you out, go ahead mention it. Don't do this at all in a way that
makes him actually jealous, but just let him know it happened and that you are still with him.
This will make him imagine what its like to lose you, without getting jealous. Again, this one can
really backfire if you do it wrong, but make sure you do it in an informative tone, not in any way
trying to get a reaction out of him or trying to make him jealous. You just want him to appreciate
the fact that you are sought after.
Remember to never lie and only do this stuff in an ethical manner. No matter what technique you
are doing, deliberate misrepresentation of the truth is wrong. Sending mixed messages through
your actions to cause confusion is one thing. Telling him untrue things and using lies to get your
way is quite another.
31. So that concludes the 2 part section on getting a guy to fall in love with you. Next time we will
talk about how to actually get into a relationship with this guy.
P.S. Remember to ONLY do these last two lessons if you really really like a guy. Don't do them
if you think you might end up not liking him in a few weeks. As a dating coach, I am all about
making people's lives better. If you do this only to hurt people, you aren't making anyone's life
better, because you won't be in a relationship (because you rejected him) and you will have hurt
him.
Quiz
1. Uncertainty is powerful because
a. it creates cognitive dissonance
b. it makes a person feel what its like to imagine someone else being in love with
them
c. it makes them feel the disappointment of knowing you might not like him back
d. all of the above
2. How important is uncertainty in getting a guy really into you?
a. not important, its just a helpful tool
b. very important to the point that he won't be fully in love if he doesn't have at least
a small amount of confusion
c. the only thing that matters
d. none of the above
3. Uncertainty in a man s best described by the culturally familiar phrase:
a. "she loves me, she loves me not"
b. "you only want what you can't have"
c. "I can't live without her"
d. "She is my beautiful princess"
4. One way to make a man uncertain is to:
a. send mixed messages
b. tell him your feelings as soon as they get strong
c. never tell him your feelings and play "hard to get"
d. it doesn't matter, do whatever you want around him
5. "Leading someone on" is wrong because:
a. you yourself would judge someone harshly if they led you on
b. it makes other people's lives worse and leaves you without a boyfriend
c. A & B
d. right and wrong doesn't matter, because "all is fair in love and war"
Answers: 1) D, 2) B, 3) A, 4) A, 5) C
32. The Training Course on How to Find a Boyfriend! Part 7
Welcome to the final installment of the email training course on how to find a boyfriend. So far,
we have covered the basic types of attraction and how to meet guys. We have also discussed how
to be visually and sexually attractive and how to have good conversations. Finally, in the last two
lessons, we talked about how to make a guy fall in love by giving him attention he can't live
without and adding ethical adversity to that attention through uncertainty. However, we have still
not yet talked about how to actually make this happen and to make him become your boyfriend.
Lesson 7 - Letting Your Relationship Happen Naturally
Before we get to specific tips and strategies, there are some things we have to go over that will
make all the other lessons more user friendly.
Being Authentic
The first issue we have to address is that all of the techniques and strategies will best benefit you
when they are seated in your existing self and overarching personality temperament. This raises a
whole number of questions. People say to always "be yourself" or "be true to yourself." But what
about people who really should change themselves, and would be happier as a result? On the one
hand we have people saying we should improve ourselves. But on the other hand we have people
telling us to not be fake and to just be "true to ourselves." How do we resolve this problem? How
do we all these tips, tactics and techniques but still be true to ourselves??
The answer is to do them your way. You need to use the tactics and techniques in a way that is
effective but is most in sync with who you are and how you like to act. For example, believe it or
not, I like to joke around with women. However, when I do so, I do it in a way that is distinctly
my dorky self. I am still using a "tactic," because a while back I learned that it was a good idea to
joke around with members of the opposite sex, and I changed my behavior as a result. But it's not
like I've never teased someone before. So I just did the teasing in a way that was my way of
doing it. That way, my distinct personality stayed intact, but I was able to improve the way I
interacted with people. The same applies to you. You need to incorporate these strategies into
your life in a way that actually works, but you need to do them your way, so we don't lose what
is truly you about the whole process.
Your Values
You also don't want to change your values as a person just to try to attract a man. This will really
backfire. Sticking to your values as a person is going to be the best long term strategy at getting a
boyfriend that you keep. This is because if you are all about something, and the guy is not, he
will be less likely to go after you, and vice versa. You will also realize how he feels about your
values and passions in life, and will know if he is a good fit. It is true that a lot more people are
compatible with each other than they think (because attraction is very "event" based). However,
compatibility on the level of values is extremely important, and not being ashamed of your
values and passions in life will help keep you from getting mismatched with someone who can't
work with your values and passions. While you don't want to be overbearing about them, if they
33. are something he knows he can't work with, or if he doesn't at least respect your values, then you
both will know that it would be best to move on before anything even starts. Trust me, I know
from experience.
Being in the Moment
Even though you have an overall social goal, such as getting a boyfriend, getting locked in your
head and planning it all out while your talking to people is a bad idea. Focusing on every tip,
technique, and strategy in these lessons as you are in the middle of talking to guys will make you
less "yourself." In some things in life you can fake it. Not in social interactions. The power of a
social interaction is increased the more you can connect with them and share emotions with
them. If it's all fake, it will come out sooner or later, and usually sooner. Your social interactions
will be more powerful if they are rooted in genuine emotional connections with others, instead of
just trying to manipulate someone into a relationship, without any concern for your social
connection in that moment.
Human Freedom
You must keep in mind that people are not computer programs. You can't just throw the exact
tactics together in the right sequence and absolutely guarantee a guy to like you. The problem
with products that "guarantee" success 100% of the time (which is different than product
satisfaction, by the way) is that they fail to account for human free will. Yes, you can vastly
improve the chances that someone will do something, such as when offering them $1000 if they
simply take a check to the bank. Will they take that check to the bank? Almost certainly. But
attraction is more complex than that. The goal is to significantly improve your odds of getting a
guy to like you who you want to be in a relationship with.
So don't be surprised that if you use a certain technique it doesn't always translate into the
response you thought it would. If done correctly, all these will definitely improve your chances
of having a guy like you that you want to be in a relationship with. However, all sorts of factors
could be at work behind the scenes, which affect how it all works out with a specific guy. For
example, you may encounter a rare scenario where the guy is trained in the exact same principles
of attraction that you have been reeding in this very course! He may respond to a "mixed signal"
by giving them back to you! The actual course of events that will occur during your path to the
relationship cannot be guaranteed, only made more probable. You have to improvise how you
apply the strategies, especially when creating uncertainty or handling situations, on how to
actually respond given the specific circumstances in the situation. Ironically, recognizing that
you don't control 100% of the situation will relax you....and improve your chances!
Falling Together
The final strategy we will learn in these lessons is how to "fall together," or how to actually
make the guy your boyfriend once you've increased his desire to do so.
So basically, you need to work the situation so that the guy is in the situation where he is most
comfortably able to make the next move. So if you really like him and he has walked up to you
34. to talk, you should suggest that you like to do the same things he does, or act happy that he is
there. This way, he is more likely to ask for your phone number.
This also applies to dates, if you know he probably likes you already. You need to act just
interested enough that he thinks he has a pretty good chance of you saying yes to a date, but
without totally giving away the challenge. You set it up for him as much as possible, then you let
him make the move. This way you are sure he wants to, and you don't risk getting ahead of each
other.
It should feel like you guys just sort of got together, without anyone taking an extremely serious
risk. The flirting and teasing (and of course mixed signals) are happening from your end, and
hopefully some from both ends. This way you know there is "something there" but its just a
matter of time before you get together. Hopefully, there are some feelings on both sides, since
you are putting in effort to get him, and the techniques are increasing his attraction.
The Importance of Doing
So now that you have learned a ton of different strategies for how to get a boyfriend, it's time to
actually go try them out and be persistent about it. You see, strategy is a great thing. Without
strategy people wouldn't be able to do anything. When people don't research how to do
something, they make very unfortunate mistakes that could be avoided. They also don't take
advantage of easier and more effective ways of doing things.
However, there is another trap people fall into. Some people read and read and read all sorts of
material on how to do something, but they never do it. They somehow get this emotion that they
have the power to do it at any time they please, just because they are learning a bunch of
expertise. They get the feeling that just by learning 24/7 and not actually doing anything, that
they are making progress.
The fact is strategy is a critical element in success of anything, but its only about 20% of the
battle (albeit a 20% you have to have). Once you know how to do something, and you just read
more and more advice, without doing anything, it is of no value to you. Imagine this scenario.
Imagine I could see the future. Imagine that because of that, I could tell you exactly, step by step
on how to build a Fortune 500 company that made millions and millions of dollars a year. Let's
just imagine that I wrote it out for you in a 1000 page book, telling you exactly what you had to
do, each moment of everyday until you got there.
Now let's ask yourself a question. Would any of that matter if you didn't put the effort into
actually doing the advice? The advice would be worth thousands, if not a million, dollars! But it
would be worthless if you had the book, but did none of it. 80% of your success is going to
actually involve going out and implementing what you need to do to get this done. This is going
to take persistence and hard work.
I hope you enjoyed the training course and best of luck!
35. Quiz
1. Tactics, techniques, and strategies are best done:
a. blindly, like a method out of a textbook or owner's manual
b. strategies for relationship initiation should be ignored, because they are not your
true self
c. consistent with your own personality in an ethical manner
d. without paying attention to the research behind them
2. In social interactions, it's important to be:
a. authentic and actually make a connection, because it's more fun that way and
increases effectiveness of your goals
b. in your mind, planning each and every move as you talk to guys
c. in your mind when you need to be, and authentic every other time
d. be authentic, but have your own agenda and not worry about an emotional
connection
3. It is important to stick with your values because:
a. It makes you naturally gravitate to those who you would be most compatible with
long term
b. It makes you naturally weed out people who you would not get along with in a
long term setting
c. It makes you a stronger person with a strong sense of identity
d. All of the above.
4. When getting a guy who likes you to finally be your boyfriend, you should:
a. make him do most of the work
b. set it up for him to make the move, and then let him make the move
c. set up all the social settings of your interaction and make all the moves
d. ignore him completely to make him "uncertain" as to your feelings
5. Knowledge on how to do something is:
a. very important, but worthless without effort
b. basically all you need to get something done
c. useless, hard work and persistence is all you need
d. more valuable than effort
(scroll down for answers below)
1) C, 2) A, 3) D, 4) B, 5) A
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