Text twitter tweet - Technology and Relationships

Text, Twitter,
Tweet
Couples, the Internet and
Social Media
www.prepare-enrich.com.au
© 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH Australia

Objectives
• How digital technology
matters in the lives of
Australian couples
• The impact of the internet,
mobile phones and social
media on couple
relationships
• Important or emerging
issue for many couples and
as a Marriage and
Relationship Educator
CatholicCare Marriage and Relationship
Educators:
• Build a sense of connectedness with their
co educators and facilitators.
• Learn new skills and knowledge to inform
their work.
• Gain a deeper understanding of the role,
influence and implications of social media
in committed couple relationships.
• Share skills, knowledge and processes
when presenting different sessions.
• Enjoy the day and have fun!

Text, Twitter or Tweet
#MREPDDay
#CatholicCareMRE
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/MAREAAUSTRALIA
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/PrepareEnrichAU
LinkedIn:
http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=9848730
Txt/SMS: 0414993347
Slide pack:
http://www.slideshare.net/shanemichaelsmith/

Key messages:
What can I do differently today
to make a difference for
tomorrow?
• As a professional?
• Personally in my
relationships?
• As an advocate for change?
Marriage and
Relationship
Educator
As a Partner
With
individuals
and couples

Agenda:
• The internet, mobile phones and
social media
• A tool for couple
communication
• A tool for learning
• Being distracted by the wired
world
• Turing toward each other
• Solving your solvable Problems
• Ethics and Social Media

Questions
1. Internet/broadband connection?
2. Mobile phone?
3. Is your mobile a smartphone (connected to the
internet)
4. Facebook? Twitter?
5. Blogging?
6. Facetime, Skype,
Hangouts?
7. Dual screening?

The Internet and Mobile Communication
As at December 2014 *
• ~21.2M internet subscribers (90%) [26th, 3.2Bn worldwide]
• 79% household, 21% business/Government
• >99% are broadband connections
48% are mobile and fix wireless
40% are DSL
10% are cable, fibre or satellite
1.3% Dialup (from 47% in 2006)
• Download speed 8 - 24Mbps (up 24% from 2013)
[nbn = 12 - 100mbps]
• 21M mobile handsets (Pop 23m); Data download 53MTB (x2)
• http://www.internetlivestats.com/

Tech use 2000 v 2015
Tech use 2000 Tech use 2015
Almost everyone had landlines,
28% response rate
41% of households are wireless-only
9% Response Rate
Less than half the country were online,
not much social media, no smartphones
Access is increasingly on-the-go. People
engage with a host of devices, platforms,
and news sources, all throughout the day
Vast majority of online access took place
in a stationary environment
Things like “going online”, “getting news”,
or “talking politics” are continuous
activities
“Going online” was typically a discrete
activity oriented around a specific task
Hard for ordinary users to recall and
discuss specific actions they might have
taken
Pretty easy to ask people about their
device usage and online behaviours
Untangling the “impact” of any single
device, article, event, tweet, etc. is really
hardwww.prepare-enrich.com.au

What is Social Media?
Social Media refers to the use
of web-based and mobile
technologies to turn
communication into an
interactive dialogue
Websites, Blogs, Forums,
Social Media Sites, Mobile
Applications
https://player.vimeo.com/video
/80387678
What sort of Content do we post
to Social Media Sites?
Generally Text, Pictures, Video
about:
- What we are doing?
- Where we are?
- What subjects are topical?
- What we are working on next?
Compelling content:
- Text – easy
- Picture – medium
- Video - hard

www.prepare-enrich.com.au © 2015 PREPARE/ENRICH
Australia

Social Media Facts ^ http://www.internetlivestats.com/
Worldwide internet users 2012 >3.1 billion; Facebook > 1.4bn
Australian internet users 90% (21.2M); 62% on social sites;
Facebook 14M
Australian average >2.1hrs/day on social sites;
53% women and 47% men
78% say it helps maintain relationships with friends & family
95% are worried about online privacy;
87% to the time their partner is online
In the US, Facebook is cited in 1 in 5 divorces
In the UK: 1 in 8 partners claim they use their phone more
than talking to them
^ Source: Oxygen Media and Lightspeed Research; Sensis Social Media
Report May 2011; 7th Relationships Indicators Survey, Relationships Australia 2011

Social Media sites
As at December 2015 #
1. Facebook – 14M users (steady)
2. YouTube – 13.7M unique visitors
3. WordPress.com – 5.9M
4. Instagram – 5M
5. Tumblr – 4.6M
6. LinkedIn – 3.5M
7. Blogspot – 2.8M
8. Twitter – 2.8M
9. WhatsApp – 2.5M
10.TripAdvisor – 2M
# SocialMediaNews.com.au, May 2015
Facebook – Looks like the
internet user population, just
younger
Twitter – Young, ethnically
diverse, mobile-centric
Instagram – See Twitter
Pinterest – Lots of women
LinkedIn – Middle-aged
professionals

What site for what content?
Discover what
MAREAA has to
offer
Marriage
and
Relationship
tips and
info.
Blog
information,
events and
distribute across
various channels
Marriage and
Relationship
visual discovery,
collection,
sharing.
Video, Online
Presentations
Promotion via
Webinars/
Webcasts,
Promote
MAREAA to the
business
communitywww.prepare-enrich.com.au

Device Use
Handout: https://youtube.com/watch?v=IFJU6g-CVvQ
1. Which electronic device do you use?
2. Which Internet-enabled mobile devices do you use?
3. How many devices do you own?
4. What activities?
5. When and where do you find yourself using your mobile
device?
6. How many hours a week do you spend on your devices?
7. Do you implement strategies to manage device usage?
8. How do you feel about your partners use?

Global comparison

Australia Social Media

Case study: Facebook
Over 14 million members ~60.5%
of the population
Male/Female: 47%/53%
Average Facebook user in
Australia is spending >8 hours
per month on the site.
68% - Connect with friends/family
62% - See photos/videos
38% - Chat or message
17% - Post personal updates
16% - Get news
14% - Play games
Demographics:
= 13yrs of age = 114,000 (1.1%)
14 – 17yrs of age = 1,261,500 (11.9%)
18 – 24yrs of age = 2,626,140 (24.7%)
25 – 34yrs of age = 2,766,200 (26.1%)
35 – 44yrs of age = 1,775,540 (16.7%)
45 – 54yrs of age = 1,136,960 (10.7%
55 – 64yrs of age = 592,680 (5.6%)
65yrs of age + = 337,980 (3.2%)

Other sites have comparable levels of user engagement
% of users who check in daily:
63% - Facebook
57% - Instagram
46% - Twitter
23% - Pinterest
13% - LinkedIn

Demographics

Mature age use of new technologies #
The ‘New Age Retiree’:
• They are well and truly online
• 500k online every month, 1.8 million page-views
• Massive users of mobile devices
• 95% considered themselves healthy
• 75% have paid off their home
• 40% of people plan to travel overseas in the next year
• 26% shop online
• Only 50% of online over 60s are retired
# Rebecca Wilson, founder and CEO of Starts at 60

Questions?
1. How has the Internet and Social Media has changed
the lives of couples?
2. How has the Internet and Social Media changed your
role as a MRE?
3. How has the Internet and Social Media impacted on
your relationship?

How Social Media has changed the lives of couples
• The way couples find and receive news and information
• How they stay in touch with others (and reconnect)
• How people reveal themselves and share information
• How couples make friends and find acquaintances
• The way people find potential partners
• How couples do business
• How businesses connect to buyers and potential buyers
• How they learn.

How Social Media has changed your role
Up to 80% of Australian practitioners have counselled clients
who have concerns about the impact of digital
communications tools on their relationships.
Results from the practitioner survey revealed:
• 80% of respondents had counselled clients who raised
concerns about the impact of Facebook on relationships;
• 72% had encountered concerns about email; and
• 50% had encountered concerns about mobile internet
devices, blogs and forums.
Working with couples enables a conversation about Social
Media and the issues and dangers for couples.
* Source: Knight, K. Child Family Community Australia (CFCA)
information exchange, 28 May 2012.www.prepare-enrich.com.au

How Social Media has changed your relationship
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work
(Gottman, John and Silver, Nan: 2015 The Seven Principles for
Making Marriage Work):
1. Enhance your love maps
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
4. Let your partner influence you
5. Solve your Solvable Problems
6. Overcome gridlock
7. Create shared meaning

1. Enhance you Love Maps
Handout: Gottman The Love Map 20 Questions Game (p58-59)
1. Describe our first meeting?
2. Describe what each of us was wearing on that first
meeting?
3. What hobbies does my partner like to do on his or her
own?
4. What areas/countries has my partner lived in their life?
5. What are my partner’s current stressors? (People or things)
https://www.mareaa.asn.au/attachments/article/134/Gottman%20Questions.pdf

2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
Exercise (p.72):
Fondness and Admiration questionnaire
To assess the current state of your fondness and admiration
in your relationship, answer the following.
Read each statement and circle T for “True” or F for “False”.
Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for each “true” answer.

Couples who stay together,
end to turn toward each other
on average of
86% of the time
Couples who divorce,
tend to turn toward each other
on average of
33% of the time

Exercise (p 90):
Is your relationship primed for Romance?
To get a good sense of how your relationship is faring (or is
likely to fare in the future), answer the following.
Read each statement and circle T for “True” or F for “False”.
Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for each “true” answer.

Two obstacles to turning toward each other:
1. Missing a bid because it is wrapped in anger or a
negative emotion
2. Being distracted by the wired world

The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains
(Carr, Nicholas, G: 2010):
“Self-distraction has become a
permanent, unconscious habit for many”
Devices enable turning away!

Questions:
1. Who is very uncomfortable when they are without their
phone?
2. Have you had to acknowledge that there is a problem?
3. Do you implement strategies to manage device usage?

Self-assessment for couples on why they are using online
sites:
1. Assess how much time you are talking to the opposite
sex or particular individuals online
2. Spell out your expectations with others when online
3. Do not engage in intimate conversations with someone
other than your partner
4. Share passwords with your partner
5. Set parameters around how much time and when you are
online

Another approach: The emotional bank account
• Reunite at the end of the day and talk
• Shop together
• Cook, Clean, Garden together
• Go away for the weekend
• Volunteer together
• Double date with friends
• Write a letter or card
• Talk

69% of marital conflict is
related to Perpetual Problems
The top five (now six) areas of relationship conflict:
1. Work Stress (in and out of the house)
2. In Laws
3. Finances
4. Sex
5. Children
6. Being distracted by the wired world

Sample of Australian Couples: PREPARE/ENRICH*
42%
18% 19%
21%
0%
50%
19% 19%
12%
0%
18%
10%
17%
21%
34%
0%
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
60%
Vitalised Harmonious Conventional Conflicted Devitalised
Dating
Engaged
Married
*(12 months to July 31, 2014)

After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your
Relationship (Wile, Daniel, B: 2008)
“When choosing a long-term partner, you
will inevitably be choosing a particular
set of unresolvable problems that you’ll
be grappling with for the next
10, 20 or 50 years”

Exercise (p.196-198):
Unplugging from Distractions: Quiz
To get a good sense of whether the issue of high-tech
distractions is a significant one for your relationship and
requires some extra attention, answer the following.
Read each statement and circle ‘Rarely’, ‘At times’, ‘Usually’
or ‘Often’.
Scoring: Add up the points (indicated in each column).

Pornography:
• Estimated 500 millions pages of sexually explicit material
• 20 – 33% of Internet Users go online for sexual purposes*
• Research indicates that habitual use impacts the nature
and quality of sex in relationships:
o Less frequent sex
o Less sexual communications
o Less Mutually satisfying sex
o Increased risk of betrayal
* American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

Ethics and Social Media
MREs are not expected to avoid social media but must
engage in social media in an ethically appropriate and
professional manner.
MREs need to separate their personal social media use from
their professional social media use.
Ethical concerns as an MRE*:
• Client Confidentiality concerns
• Dual roles/multiple relationships
• Conflicts of interest
• Advertising
The biggest potential
problem with Facebook
tends to be around
managing Friend
requests and controlling
who posts on your Wall.

Quick tips*:
Personal Accounts Professional Accounts
Use an email account that is
not associated with your
professional activities and that
is never used to interact with
clients
Use an email account that is
not associated with your
personal activities and that is
never used to interact with
clients
Familiarise yourself with each
site’s terms of use, privacy
policy, etc.
Familiarise yourself with each
site’s terms of use, privacy
policy, etc.

Familiarise yourself with how
each site makes
recommendations for
friends/followers/connections
Familiarise yourself with how
each site makes
recommendations for
friends/followers/connections
Take full advantage of each
site’s privacy settings and lock
down personal accounts to
decrease the chances of clients
finding your personal accounts
Implement a social media
policy and clearly convey that
policy to clients

Do not post work related
information on personal
accounts
Familiarise yourself with the
different types of accounts and
pages that are available on
each site and choose options
that minimise risks associated
with client confidentiality, dual
roles, conflicts of interest, etc.
Comply with the MAREAA Code of Ethics for Marriage,
Relationship and Family Educators ensuring that descriptions of
yourself and your work are accurate
https://www.mareaa.asn.au/about-us/ethicswww.prepare-enrich.com.au

References, additional resources:
A Psychotherapist’s Guide to Facebook and Twitter: Why
Clinicians Should Give a Tweet!
http://www.psychotherapy.net/article/psychotherapists-
guide-social-media
To Accept or Not to Accept? How to Respond When Clients
Send “Friend Request” to their psychotherapists or
counsellors on social networking sites
http://www.zurinstitute.com/socialnetworking.html

Objectives
• How digital technology
matters in the lives of
Australian couples
• The impact of the internet,
mobile phones and social
media on couple
relationships
• Important or emerging
issue for many couples and
as a Marriage and
Relationship Educator

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