People whose lives have never been touched by domestic violence or abuse often wonder why women stay so long in abusive relationships. Although the question may be an honest one, it should never be asked in a way that implies any blame on abused women for the situations they endure.

1. Why Domestic Violence
Victims Don't Leave

2. People whose lives have never been
touched by domestic violence or abuse
often wonder why women stay so long in
abusive relationships. Although the
question may be an honest one, it should
never be asked in a way that implies any
blame on abused women for the situations
they endure.

3. That being said, there are complex
reasons why women stay in violent or
abusive relationships. Life coach and
author Robert Moment gives the Top Ten
Reasons why domestic violence victims
don't leave abusive relationships.
Here are the most common ones:

4. 1. Fear of escalated violence

Anyone who has escaped an abusive
situation will tell you this: The most
dangerous time for a battered or abused
woman is the time after she leaves the
perpetrator. This is the time when the
abuser becomes a stalker willing to do
almost anything to regain control of the
victim.


5. Statistics bear this out. The women who
sustain the most serious physical injuries
are those who have recently left, or
attempted to leave their abusers. And
among women who are killed by a
domestic partner, 75 percent of those had
recently separated or tried to separate
from that partner.
 No one makes a willing choice to be
beaten down mentally, emotionally or
physically. But if the choice is between
bruised ribs and dying, sometimes staying
put can seem to make sense.

6. 2. Lack of a solid support system

Given the dangers of leaving an abuser,
women need a strong support system in
place to help them before, during, and
after they make a break with their
partners. And that's exactly what an
abuser eliminates from his victim's life,
by isolating her and weakening her ties
with family and friends.

7. 3. Lack of financial support

Typically an abuser will control the
household finances. Joint bank accounts
and strict budgets can make it nearly
impossible for a woman to access enough
money to leave without ending up on the
street with no way to get safe housing
for herself and her children.


8. 4. Legal issues, especially child
custody

Even an amicable divorce has tense
moments. But the prospect of long ugly
battles over property, finances and
especially children can keep an abused
woman from making the decision to
leave.

9. She knows her perpetrator will stop at
nothing to keep control, including hiring
expensive lawyers and allowing them to
drag out the legal process. And when the
victim has little to offer children in the
way of appropriate housing and financial
support, there's a danger that full
custody may be awarded to her abuser.

10. 5. Limited work experience

It's common for abusers to keep their
victims at home as stay-at-home moms,
or to allow them only a part-time job
outside the home. With only limited
experience in the workplace, a woman
may feel overwhelmed by the process of
finding a job that will support her and her
children -- especially in an economy
where good jobs are hard to come by.

11. 6. Pressure from family or
community

Some families still hold to the traditional
view of marriage -- that it's forever, no
matter what. And if the abuser has built
strong ties with family members, the
victim may be receiving an incredible
amount of pressure to "work things out."
This kind of pressure can create intense
feelings of guilt in the abused woman
and keep her from seeking real solutions.

12. 7. Fear of being alone

A victim of domestic abuse may very well
be suffering severe psychological injury.
Her abuser has spent a long time
convincing her that she's helpless and
unlovable, and she may believe herself
incapable of surviving on her own. She
may feel so damaged that she thinks no
one will ever love her, or that she can
never trust anyone again.

13. Psychologists point to a phenomenon
called "traumatic bonding" to explain this
fear of being alone. Abused women, like
prisoners of war or hostages, lose their
identity to their abusers and see them as
the source not only of pain, but also of
affection and as the ones who supply the
basic needs of everyday life.

14. 8. Guilt and shame

A perpetrator will repeatedly list the
reasons why their victim is to blame for
the abuse. Hearing how she provoked his
violence over and over again, a woman
may begin to believe that she is at fault.
She may try desperately to change her
behaviors to please her abuser, hoping
that her relationship with the abuser will
improve "if only" she can learn to please
him.

15. 9. Pets

Some men will threaten the life of a pet
to keep a woman from leaving him. Many
apartments or women's shelters don't
allow pets, so a woman may choose to
stay to protect a beloved companion.

16. 10. Hope

Remember that women enter into
domestic partnerships out of love. There
may be weeks or months when there is
no abuse, and the relationship feels
strong and healthy. When the woman is
victimized again, the abuser may
apologize and make promises to change
-- and many women will believe these
promises in the hope that the abuse will
never happen again.

17. Your life matters. There is nothing wrong
with leaving an abusive relationship even
if there are many barriers that prevent
you from doing so. You should always
think of your own welfare rather than
being overpowered by your fears and
anxiety. Yes, it is very hard. It is painful
and sorrowful. It would take a lot of
sacrifices.

18. But what will you choose? Staying in or
leaving an abusive relationship can be a
matter of life or death. Either you
continue enduring the suffering and
humiliation for whatever reason or you
finally be free of it all and live a life
wherein you achieve your dreams and
make sure your dignity stays intact.

19. Robert Moment is a life coach, speaker
and author of several life-transforming
books, Domestic Abuse and Domestic
Violence Help for Abused Women
and Domestic Violence Survivors,
Verbal Abuse: How Women Can
Successfully Recognize, Respond to
and Overcome Verbally Abusive
Relationships and Abusive People,
and How Do You Find Happiness .

20. Robert specializes in maximizing human
potential for happiness , purpose and
success. Visit
http://www.DomesticAbuseandDomestic
Violence.com and sign-up for the FREE
Life-Transforming e-courses on
Overcoming Domestic Abuse and Verbal
Abuse
More info about Domestic Violence
Victims .