One Sided Marriages Exist

One sided marriages exist
What causes one sided marriages? Is there
tension in these kinds of marriages? How do we
resolve these types of marriages?
It is very easy for one spouse becoming a ‘prey’
in the relationship.
Kigume KaruriThursday, September 8, 2016 1

• I had an opportunity to listen to a spouse who
has ended her relationship and marriage to
her husband. During the discussion, she was
honest enough to share with me her marriage
experience. In the nine years of her marriage
life, she was the person leading, providing,
supporting, working, etc. The husband would
take a back seat and just be there for the sake
of the marriage.
Kigume KaruriThursday, September 8, 2016 2

• The burden and pains of being in A One
Sided Marriage are enormous. The pains of
almost doing everything in provision,
decision making, leadership, guidance and
parenting are huge. One wears out and
his/her stamina cannot stand this marriage
any more.
Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 3

• John 15:12
• This is My commandment, that you love one
another as I have loved you. (NKJV)
• We are called to love one another with God’s
sacrificial love as one flesh. Listen for your
spouse's heart, and reflect on your own.
• Seek to walk alongside your spouse, ready to
help them bear their burdens. Laugh, weep,
shout, and walk together, and do it always
leaning on the strength of the Lord.
•Thursday, September 8, 2016 Kigume Karuri 4

• A majority of the relationships end, as they
might not always be based on two people
genuinely being interested in each other but
two people who are just trying each other
out. The commitment might not be there, so
one spouse takes advantage of the other.
• One spouse becomes a ‘prey’ in the
relationship.

• Tension then starts as it is very frustrating to
be in this marriage and time hence comes for
her/him to leave this marriage.
• It is very painful to be in this type of
marriage.
• One may consider abandoning the marriage
all together.

• Tension in the home is generally felt by
everyone under the roof, but sometimes one
spouse will experience it much more acutely
than another. Everyone experiences things
differently, so it is not uncommon for spouses
to have different perceptions of how things
are going in the relationship.

• If one spouse is expressing frustration in the
relationship that the other spouse does not
feel, it does not mean one person is wrong,
but rather their experience of things is very
different. It may be that we are just different
people who don’t think the same and are not
sensitive to the same things.

• Something that communicates love or insult
to one person might not communicate love
or insult to another.

• We process differently; if a time of
relative silence passes between spouse,
for example, they may each read into
that silence very different motives or
meanings.

• We might include different comfort levels
with disagreement. A difference of opinion
might not feel significant to one party, but to
the other it feels like major conflict. In any
case, we are out of tune with how our spouse
is feeling, and are called to walk more closely
together.

• If one spouse is unhappy, there are two
needs to be addressed;
–First is a call for the content spouse to
show some attention and empathy, and
–Second is for the unhappy spouse to reflect
on their own hearts as the source of the
unhappiness.

• We want to be attentive to our spouse's
feelings, but each of us bears the
responsibility for our own feelings.
• It should be your desire that your spouse
feels loved and cared for in your marriage
relationship.

• Take time to listen to your spouse's concerns
and earnestly seek some resolution.
• To brush off their concerns because you don’t
share them will only serve to widen the gap
between you.

• You may not understand why your spouse is
unhappy, but choose to seek understanding.
• Ask how you can come along side and show
you understand your spouse's experience.
• God has made you one, so seek to bear that
burden together.

• Matthew 19:5-6
• and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined to his
wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
So then, they are no longer two but one
flesh. Therefore what God has joined
together, let not man separate.“ (NKJV)

• No one makes us feel anything; our feelings
come from our own hearts.
• If you are hurting, ask yourself why. What has
been hooked in you in this situation, and how
is it like past situations?

• Why do you feel this way when others don't?
Sometimes new hurts are rehearsals of old
hurts, reminders of past pain still in need of
healing.
• Our spouses can walk along side us, but they
can never solve these issues or heal old
wounds. Only God is the Great Physician.
• "He hath sent me to heal the broken-
hearted" (Luke 4:18).

• A majority of the relationships end, as they
might not always be based on two people
genuinely being interested in each other but
two people who are just trying each other
out.

• People can be sick and difficult to
understand, not because they are terrible
human beings playing with each other’s
emotions and spreading around the epidemic
of emotional damage but because living in
denial is always easier than seeing things for
what they are.

• Lots of people are in a need to be fixed when
in reality they are just breaking more and
more people on that quest.
• See to it that your relationship is made up in
your mind or not.
• DON’T ENTER MARRIAGE WITH NO
COMMITMENT AND UNWILLING TO
PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTIRE PROCESS.

• If mutual respect towards each other’s
existence, interests, profession, contribution
to the relationship, time, space, bodies or
anything else does not exist, then you are
just counting the days until you get sick of
each other and break up.

• You can only pretend for a while before your
true colours are known.
• Pretending to be someone you’re not only
works out for so long because sooner or later
you will be comfortable enough to show who
you really are and the other person will feel
terribly cheated and manipulated at that
point.

Marriage is a two way process that makes the
two of you be fully participatory.
In the One sided marriage, spouses endure
instead of enjoying
Most of these marriages don’t take long before
one of the spouses gives up.

It is worse when men don’t get
involved in their marriages and leave
everything to their wives.

• Husbands are supposed to play their rightful
roles as husbands and take their rightful
place of headship over their wives.
• This what the women want.

• Matthew 19:7-10
• They said to Him, "Why then did Moses
command to give a certificate of divorce, and
to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses,
because of the hardness of your hearts,
permitted you to divorce your wives, but
from the beginning it was not so.

• And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,
except for sexual immorality, and marries
another, commits adultery; and whoever
marries her who is divorced commits
adultery." His disciples said to Him, "If such is
the case of the man with his wife, it is better
not to marry.“ (NKJV)

• It is NOT God’s will to divorce but
in some circumstances it is
advisable to be away from each
other.

One Sided Marriages Exist

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