Is free-mixing allowed within cousins? What does Islam say about working with people of the opposite gender? What about work socials and group study? And the big one – where does Islam stand on my relationship with my fiancé? Allah SWT says in the Qur’an: "Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them... ...And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty." [Surah al-Noor: 30-31] Find out all the answers with your host Sheikh Musleh Khan in this Webinar Presenation where Sheikh Musleh will guide you through the Islamic relationship rules of work, family, friends and fiancés!

1. Halal and haram
relationships
What is rightand what is wrong?
Presented By
Sheikh musleh khan
www.facebook.com/brothermusleh

2. In a society driven by lust, temptation, and
amorality, the line between what is halal and
what is haram has become increasingly
distorted.
So how do we determine which relationships in
our lives are halal or haram? And where do we
draw the line?

3. Halal relationships
A halal relationship is one in which it is lawful for
you to be in that person’s company alone and
have physical contact with them because either:
 They are your spouse and you are in a lawful
marriage contract with them.
 They are forbidden to you for marriage. Islam
has outlined exactly who our mahrams are and
who have been made halal for us. Allah says in
the Qur’an:

4. Halal relationships
“Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers,
your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters,
your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters,
your sister’s daughters, your foster mother who
gave you suck, your foster sisters, your wives’
mothers, your step-daughters under your
guardianship, born of your wives into whom you
have gone – but there is no sin on you if you have
not gone into them (to marry their daughters) - the
wives of your sons (who spring) from your own
loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time,
except for what has already passed. Verily, Allah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [An-Nisa 4:23]

5. The family
Rules of halal/haram relationships tend not to apply with
family relations
Issues:
 Mixing freely with non-mahram family members e.g.
cousins, uncle’s wife, aunt’s husband etc
 Removing hijab and modest clothing in the home
 Physical contact such as hugging
 That ‘uncle’ who puts his hand on your head as a mark
of love and respect
 The brother-in-law. Culturally they play an important part
in life with the in laws and are often seen as important as
biological brothers by the family.

6. The family
The Prophet said:
“It is better for a Believer to be struck in the head with a
hot iron rod than to touch a woman who is not lawful for
him.” [Tabarani & Baihaqqi]
This proves that physical contact of any type with any
person who is not your mahram/forbidden to you for
marriage is forbidden, even if they are your relatives,
and even if you have the right intentions.
“When a man and woman are alone together, Shaytan is
the third” [Tirmidhi]

7. The brother-in-law
Guarding against the brother-in-law has been
specifically mentioned, as the Prophet said:
“The brother-in-law is like death for a woman.”
[Sahih Bukhari]
 Hadith – clear proof that your husband's brother or
sister’s husband is a non-mahram and that the
rules of segregation still apply
 Such a specific hadith for the brother-in-law tells us
this relationship is more dangerous than with any
other non-mahram and is a clear warning.

8. The brother-in-law
Why?
 Because the brother-in-law, contrary to the stranger,
can easily approach the sister-in-law and violate her
privacy, without people blaming him for doing so.
 Culturally families find no problem with the
husband’s brother being in private with the
husband’s wife which is why this relationship is so
dangerous and haram.
 ‘Death’ refers not only to physical temptation, but to
the mischief that could be caused due to gossiping
and manipulation of the sister-in-law or of the
husband.

9. The workplace
 Non-Muslim workplaces – complications such as
shaking hands/work socials.
 Is it okay to shake hands with your colleagues in a
professional capacity only?
 Some modern day scholars say it is okay
 Whether it is for professional or personal reasons,
the Islamic rulings are the same – touching of any
kind is not allowed. Your intention is irrelevant.
 The best of mankind, the Prophet SAW did not
touch women nor saw the need to. This is despite
the fact that the oath of allegiance was originally
given by hand.

10. The workplace
 Aysha (RA) said concerning when the Prophet
would take the allegiance from women:
“And no, I swear by Allah the hand of the Messenger
never ever touched a woman when they would give him
allegiance, except that he would say: ‘I have taken your
allegiance upon that.’” [Collected by Al-Bukhari]
 Abdullaah bin Amr narrated:
“The Messenger of Allah never used to shake
hands with women in taking allegiance.” [Collected by
Ahmad]
 Despite the fact that the Prophet SAW was the most
honourable of mankind and would have had the purest of
intentions, he still never shook hands.

11. The workplace
 What about work socials/conferences where
alcohol would be consumed/free mixing?
 Need to weigh up how important the event is for
work and how much of it is work versus social
event.
 Better to avoid such events as they usually a
source of fitna – other things like free mixing and
alcohol.
 If it is necessary to attend for sake of work then
fear Allah when you attend – however it is not
permissible to sit at the same table where alcohol
is being served or engage in unnecessary free
mixing.

12. The boyfriend/girlfriend
 What does having a boyfriend mean? Is this relationship
recognised in Islam?
 How many times have you heard (or said): “we’re only
meeting up” or “we only talk on the phone/video chat”?
 Dangerous as it starts off slowly – eye contact, phone calls
 As time goes on the guilt wears off – become comfortable
enough to justify your actions
 Shaytan encourages you to keep moving to the next step
 Ask yourself this: at which point do you draw the line? Where
do you stop? Boundaries become so blurred that what is
haram and halal is not clear anymore.
 In keeping with this a famous Arabic couplet states,
"A look, then a smile, a nod of the head,
then talk, a handshake, a promise, then the warmth of a
bed.”

13. The boyfriend/girlfriend
 Islam – prevention is better than cure as it removes any
doubt or grey areas from the situation and closes the
door to fitna and temptation from the outset.
 The Prophet said:
“Any share of fornication of the son of Adam is written
and no doubt he will reach it: The fornication of the eyes
is looking at that which is forbidden. The fornication of
the ears is listening to that which is forbidden. The
fornication of the tongue is saying that which is
forbidden. The fornication of the hand is grasping that
which is forbidden. The fornication of the feet is walking
to that which is forbidden. The fornication of the heart
yearns and desires and the genitals either confirm it or
contradict it.” [Muslim, Qadar:21]

14. The boyfriend/girlfriend
 Hadith tells us it’s not okay to “just hold hands” or
“just talk on the phone for hours” to a non-mahram.
 Still counts as a form of zina (fornication) so must
be avoided at all costs.
 Therefore to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in Islam
is a very western concept and is haram.
 This is a very real disease of modern society
brought on by lack of belief in God and therefore
the religious institution of marriage.
 Main purpose of nikah – to allow a halal
relationship, so there is no need to continually
commit zina with a boy/girlfriend when Islam gives
you the simple and halal option of a nikah.

15. The friend
 Has become increasingly common to have
friends of the opposite gender – the term
‘friend’ meaning different things.
 Most friends are made at school, college,
university or work.
 Since we’ve already established that
unnecessary free mixing with the opposite
gender is a means to fitna and is therefore
haram, what do you think about friends?
 Easy area to fall short – boundaries break
down gradually and Shaytan helps you
justify the nature of your relationship

16. The friend
 There is no such thing as a platonic
relationship with the opposite gender –
temptation/bad thoughts are never far away
 If you have to do group work e.g.
presentations with members of the opposite
gender – keep it to the work in hand. Being
respectful and friendly is not the same as
being friends.
Prophet said:
“A person is on the religion of his companions.
Therefore let every one of you carefully
consider the company he keeps.” [Tirmidhi]

17. The fiance/fiancee
 The western concept of engagement is very
different to the Islamic concept.
 Engagement in Islam simply means when the man
asks the woman to marry him. Allah SWT says:
 “And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of
betrothal…” [al-Baqarah 2:235]
 Furthermore it is narrated that the Prophet was
engaged to Aishah RA (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah,
4793).
 There is no harm in being engaged as long as you
do not introduce haram practices e.g. exchanging
of rings.

18. The fiance/fiancee
 Culturally, a lot of families think it is okay for a
man and woman to go out alone and be together
once engaged, however this mentality is as
damaging as having a girlfriend/boyfriend.
 This relationship is hard to control as the
opportunity for sin is greater.
 Mindset of “we’re getting married anyway so it’s
okay” to justify inappropriate behaviour.
 However the only point at which it is ever okay is
when you are married. Before that you are still
strangers so the rules of non-mahrams still apply.

19. The non-biologicalfamily
 Refers to step father, step daughter, adopted
children, adoptive parents etc.
 Step mother – once she is married to your
father your step mother becomes permanently
forbidden to you for marriage and you become
her mahram.
 Step daughter – You become a mahram for
your step daughter after the marriage contract
and consummation of the marriage to your wife
has taken place.

20. The non-biologicalfamily
Adoption
 A complicated matter – child needs to be breastfed
by the adoptive mother for relationship to become
lawful.
 If child hasn’t been suckled – as if they were non-
mahrams to you/you are non mahram to them.
 Adoptive mother needs to suckle the child at least 5
times. They should be suckled in their first 2 years.
 The Prophet said:
 “Suckling forbids (from marriage) that which is
forbidden due to birth.” [Al Bukhari 9/140]
 Once this has been established the adopted son
becomes the mahram for any other relation that a
biological son would have:
 The same rules apply if you adopt a girl.

21. The social network
Given everything you have just learnt in
this webinar, what do you think about
communication with the opposite gender
online?
Bear in mind:
- You are alone and your conversation is
private
- Inhibitions run low and temptations run
high
- Shaytan helps you to lie to yourself
- Zina is not just based on physical sin

22. conclusion
 Islam is a practical religion – leaves no room
for grey areas or uncertainty
 In Islam good and bad deeds are based on
both intention AND action, so it is not enough
to say ‘I never intended anything bad by this’
when committing the wrong action.
 Example: grave worshippers have good
intentions about their actions but their actions
are totally haram and cannot be justified or
made right merely by their intentions.
 So fear Allah regarding this matter – it is
slippery slope that has led even the most
pious men astray (various hadiths
documenting this)

23. conclusion
Beware of your thoughts, for they will become your
words.
Beware of your words, for they will become your
actions.
Beware of your actions, for they will become your
habits.
Beware of your habits, for they will become your
character.
Beware of your character, for it will become your
destiny.

24. Remember....

25. The halal answer
Want to find a life partner in a halal and safe environment?
Then register now to find your pure match!
We are the world’s largest Muslim matrimonial website
exclusively for practising Muslims.
Some of our unique features include:
 Private profiles
 Enhanced Discussion Monitoring
 Education and Awareness
 Inspiring blog
On average three couples a week find their Pure Match – so
what are you waiting for?
Wali Support
Enhanced Profile Moderation
Shariah compliant
Social Media Assets

26. Let us reward you
To thank you for attending this webinar, Pure
Matrimony is offering all webinar attendees
tonight:
A massive 50% of the whole year when
you register
Just enter the code WEBINAREVENT when
registering
This offer is available for a limited time only so
make sure you don’t miss out.

27. Q & a
Anyquestions?

28. Find us
www.purematrimony.com
Pure Matrimony
@purematrimony
Pure Matrimony
Pure Matrimony
Pure Matrimony
Youtube.com/purematrimony
Pure matrimony
Brother.musleh