A short lesson in interpersonal
           dynamics




 Who we are in relation to others
 What drives us
 How we respo...
Part 1: Competing Values
There are key components to how we work, alone or with
  others.
  Where we sit on the continuum ...
The team player

 Strengths:
 You make other people feel valued
 You are good at long-term relationships and goals
 You em...
The adventurer

Strengths:
You are the Blue Sky visionary
You are flexible, nimble, creative
You love new and different th...
The Queen

Strengths:
You are decisive
You work hard and are dedicated to the task at hand
You can juggle a million projec...
The Analyst

Strengths:
You are efficient and consistent
You can set every step to a long-term goal and
get there
You can ...
Things to remember
 We aren’t always operating from the same quadrant
   “Queen” at home and “Adventurer” with our job
...
Why it is called “Competing Values”
 The quadrant opposite yours is the personality type that
  aggravates you the most
 ...
So, who are you?
 Look at the quadrant descriptions for the qualities that seem to fit you.
 Then see if you have issues...
Part 2: How you fight
 Now that we understand how we interact, the next step is to
  look at how we handle situations whe...
Conflict
 The key components
   Stress response system
   Conflict types
   Conflict styles
Stress Response System
You have a stress response system
   Know your personal reaction
     Escalation—response is heig...
You                         Them



          Escalator                  Escalator




          Repressor                ...
5 types of conflict
  Data conflicts                                               Structural conflicts
  I do more of the...
Relationship conflicts
I don’t trust you to do the chores
cause:
 strong emotions
 misperceptions or stereotypes
 poor ...
Conflict styles: Questionnaire Time
The Turtle ( WITHDRAWING )
 Turtles withdraw into their shells to avoid conflicts. They give up their personal goals and ...
Discussion questions
   What strategies were you taught for dealing with conflict? For example, was it
    appropriate to ...
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Conflict presentation

  1. 1. A short lesson in interpersonal dynamics  Who we are in relation to others  What drives us  How we respond to stress and conflict Women’s Work, April 21 Spring Presentation
  2. 2. Part 1: Competing Values There are key components to how we work, alone or with others. Where we sit on the continuum of flexibility to rigidity. Our level of internal focus versus external focus. Our view of short-term and long-term considerations.
  3. 3. The team player Strengths: You make other people feel valued You are good at long-term relationships and goals You embrace and share your core values You are seen as friendly and kind You make a point of including everyone in any gathering Weaknesses: You are slow to action You have a hard time setting and keeping goals for yourself and others You avoid confrontation and unpleasant issues You don’t express your opinion openly so you can be labeled as a “follower” What is most important to you: Open communication, loyalty, friendship Your motto: We’re in this together
  4. 4. The adventurer Strengths: You are the Blue Sky visionary You are flexible, nimble, creative You love new and different things You don’t like too much order—controlled chaos inspires you Weaknesses: You tend to overshoot the objective You can take something simple and make it into something much bigger You tend to micromanage projects and people because you want it done your way What is most important to you: Creative expression, the challenge of the new, breaking out of routine Your motto: It’s never been done before
  5. 5. The Queen Strengths: You are decisive You work hard and are dedicated to the task at hand You can juggle a million projects at once You are very high energy Weaknesses: You tend to be controlling You will do it yourself if you can’t get others to see it your way You are in it 100% until you burn out, then you are done What is most important to you: Success, achieving personal and professional goals, accolades and acknowledgement of your contributions and skills Your motto: If you want something done right . . .
  6. 6. The Analyst Strengths: You are efficient and consistent You can set every step to a long-term goal and get there You can analyze the pros and cons of anything You are the most organized person you know Weaknesses: You are risk adverse You can be inflexible You tend to be distrustful of others You struggle with some social interactions What is most important to you: Dependability and reliability, honesty and integrity, intelligence Your motto: I can prove it
  7. 7. Things to remember  We aren’t always operating from the same quadrant  “Queen” at home and “Adventurer” with our job  There are strengths and weaknesses to each role  The trick is to recognize the weaknesses and adapt.
  8. 8. Why it is called “Competing Values”  The quadrant opposite yours is the personality type that aggravates you the most  It operates in direct contrast to what you find rewarding and important  The other two quadrants complement your style—so conflict is less likely  A strong team has all four quadrants.
  9. 9. So, who are you?  Look at the quadrant descriptions for the qualities that seem to fit you.  Then see if you have issues with the qualities directly across from your quadrant—think of someone who fits the bill; do they aggravate you? If the description seems fairly accurate and the opposite quadrant bugs you, then that is probably where you are. Now we are going to break into groups—with at least one person representing each quadrant. Some discussion points for your group  Do your personal and professional personas differ?  Are there qualities from the other quadrants you wish you had?  What do you recognize as your biggest strength and biggest weakness?  Are there any historical reasons why you are in the quadrant you are in? What life lessons put you there or were you born into that personality type?
  10. 10. Part 2: How you fight  Now that we understand how we interact, the next step is to look at how we handle situations where we are in conflict
  11. 11. Conflict  The key components  Stress response system  Conflict types  Conflict styles
  12. 12. Stress Response System You have a stress response system  Know your personal reaction  Escalation—response is heightened, anxiety is overt and expressed  Repression—response is controlled and reaction is focused immediately on possible resolution  And the response you need from others:  Escalation  Repression
  13. 13. You Them Escalator Escalator Repressor Repressor There are only three common combinations: almost no one reacts calmly themselves but wants escalation out of their partner or co-worker. You need to know who you are and what you look for to feel “heard.” And you need to know your partner and what reaction he needs to see to feel “heard.”
  14. 14. 5 types of conflict Data conflicts Structural conflicts I do more of the chores at home You say you will do the chores but they never get done causes: causes:  destructive patterns of behavior or interaction  lack of information or misinformation  unequal control or distribution of labor or resources  different views on what is relevant  unequal power or authority  different interpretations of the facts  geographic, physical, or environmental factors that  different assessment procedures resolutions: hinder cooperation  time constraints  reach agreement on what facts are important  develop common criteria to assess the facts resolutions:  clearly define and change roles  use third-party experts to gain outside opinion or break deadlocks  replace destructive behavior patterns  establish a fair and mutually acceptable decision-making Interest conflicts process  change negotiation process from positional to interest- Chores aren’t important to you causes: based bargaining  perceived or actual competition  core interests Value conflicts  procedural approaches You lied about doing something  psychological needs cause:  different criteria for evaluating ideas or behavior resolutions:  intrinsically different foundational beliefs  look for objective criteria  different ways of life, ideology, and religion  develop integrative solutions that address needs of all parties resolutions:  avoid defining problems in terms of value  search for ways to expand options or resources  allow parties to agree to disagree  develop trade-offs to satisfy interests  search for overriding goal that all parties share
  15. 15. Relationship conflicts I don’t trust you to do the chores cause:  strong emotions  misperceptions or stereotypes  poor communication or miscommunication  repetitive negative behavior resolutions:  control expression of emotions through procedural ground-rules  Focus on interests (why you want something) versus demands (what you want)  promote expression of emotions by legitimizing feelings and providing a non-combative process to express feelings  clarify perceptions and build positive perceptions  improve quality and quantity of communication
  16. 16. Conflict styles: Questionnaire Time
  17. 17. The Turtle ( WITHDRAWING )  Turtles withdraw into their shells to avoid conflicts. They give up their personal goals and relationships. They stay away from the issues over which the conflict is taking place and from the persons they are in conflict with. Turtles believe it is hopeless to try and resolve conflicts. They feel helpless. They believe it is easier to withdraw (physically and psychologically) from a conflict than to face it. The Shark ( FORCING )  Sharks try to overpower opponents by forcing them to accept their solutions to the conflict. Their goals are highly important to them and relationships of minor importance. They seek to achieve their goals at all costs. They are not concerned with the needs of others. They do not care if others like or accept them. Sharks assume that conflicts are either won or lost and they want to be the winner. This gives them a sense of pride and achievement. Losing gives them a sense of weakness, inadequacy and failure. They try and win by attacking, overpowering, overwhelming and intimidating others. The Teddy Bear ( SMOOTHING )  To teddy bears the relationship is of great importance while their own goals are of little importance. Teddies want to be accepted and liked by other people. They think that conflict should be avoided in favour of harmony and that people cannot discuss conflicts without damaging relationships. They are afraid that if a conflict continues, someone will get hurt and that could ruin the relationship. They give up their goals to preserve the relationship. They like to smooth things over. The Fox ( COMPROMISING )  Foxes are moderately concerned with their own goals and their relationships with others. They give up part of their own goals and persuade others in a conflict to give up part of theirs. They seek a conflict solution in which both sides gain something - the middle ground between two extreme positions. They compromise; they will give up a part of their goal and relationship in order to find agreement for the common good. The Owl ( CONFRONTING )  Owls highly value their own goals and relationships. They view conflicts as problems to be solved and seek a solution that achieves both their own and the other person's goals. Owls see conflicts as a means of improving relationships by reducing tension between two people. They try to begin a discussion that identifies the conflict as a problem to be solved. By seeking solutions that satisfy everyone, owls maintain the relationship. They are not happy until a solution is found that both satisfies everyone's goals and resolves the tensions and negative feelings that may have been present.
  18. 18. Discussion questions What strategies were you taught for dealing with conflict? For example, was it appropriate to have conflict in public? Were women supposed to respond differently than men? What are your greatest fears about interpersonal conflict? Who is someone with whom you have recently found yourself in conflict? What do you think is the key source of your conflict with this person? competing values stress response system conflict style Would you do anything differently based on something you heard this evening? Were you surprised at your results for the conflict style?
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