1. Love and Logic
Kathy Utter
Kate Wessel

2. Introduction
Love and Logic
A strategy used to reduce the reactivity of
adults to students by setting firm limits in
caring ways without anger, lecture and
threats. When students do cause
problems, the adults hand the problem
back to the student in caring ways that
promote thinking.

3. Background
“Drill Sergeant” approach
Tends to activate the Emotional Brain
Does not develop thinking skills
Insulting to some kids
Interferes with free will
A.W. Atkinson, MD

4. Background
“Natural Consequences”
Good but often not sufficient
Adding empathy helps to increase the chances of
getting the thinking brain going
Rewards, praise, stickers etc.
Develops expectancy of always getting something
Novelty wears off
Some kids are immune--don’t care
Does not develop thinking skills
A.W. Atkinson, MD

5. Background
When we start feeling frustrated, we are
entering the Emotional/Reactive Brain
Zone.
We are giving over our own control.
We increase the students’ reactivity.
A.W. Atkinson, MD

6. Background
Love and Logic
Calms the reactive brain with empathy and
delayed consequences
Encourages thinking skills with choices and use
of problems solving with students
One liners help staff to be less reactive
A.W. Atkinson, MD

8. The 9 Essential Skills
1. Neutralize Arguing
2. Delay the
Consequences
3. Empathy
4. The Recovery Process
5. Develop Positive
Relationships
6. Set Limits with
Enforceable Statements
7. Use Choices to Prevent
Power Struggles
8. Quick and Easy
Interventions
9. Guide Students to
Own and Solve Their
Problems

9. The Rules of Love and Logic
RULE #1
Use enforceable limits

10. The Rules of Love and Logic
Rule #2
Provide choices within
limits.

11. The Rules of Love and Logic
Rule #3
Apply consequences with
empathy.

12. Enforceable Limits
Setting enforceable limits involves telling
students how you will be acting and
handling situations.

13. Enforceable Limits
The effective application of limits requires
that children have implied choices and be
forced into thinking mode.
This means that we are not telling kids
what to do we are telling them what we will
do. This is limit setting.

14. Enforceable Limits
Turn Your Words Into Gold
“Get your finger out of your nose.”
“I will listen to you when your fingers are not in your nose.”
“Stop whining.”
“I will listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.”
“You show some respect.”
“I will be glad to discuss this when respect is shown”

15. Choices Within Limits
Give 99% of your choices when things are going well.
Make deposits into the “Choices Saving Account”
Give choices before the student becomes resistant.
For each choice give two options, each of which you like.
If your student does not make a timely choice, make the
choice for him/her.

16. Choices Within Limits
Delivery is important:
You’re welcome to--or--
Feel free to--or--
Would you rather--or--
What would be best for you--or--

17. Choice Within Limits
Assigning math problems
Bathroom breaks
Free time
Homework

18. Choices Within Limits
Power Struggles
Often times winning a power struggle is
more important to a child than making a
good decision, particularly if the child feels
that he/she does not have much control
over things.

19. Choices Within Limits
Take a “Savings Account” approach
Make frequent deposits when things are going
well. Use phrases such as “That’s your choice,”
and “You decide.”
When you need to make a withdrawal it is
easier because the child sees you sharing
control. Use phrases such as, “Don’t I let you
make a lot of the choices? Well, this time I
need to decide.”

20. Choices Within Limits
Don’t be afraid to say, “I usually give choices,
but not this time.”
Never give a choice unless you are willing to let
the child experience the consequence of that
choice
Never give choices when a child is in a
dangerous situation
Never give choices unless you are willing to
make the choice if the child does not

21. Choices Within Limits
Shared Control
“We either give control on our terms, or the kids
will take it on theirs.”
“Do I want to control kids or do I want to obtain
their cooperation?”
“We need control over our lives. When we don’t
get it, we go after control over others.”

22. Consequences With Empathy
The effective teacher administers
consequences with empathy and
understanding, as apposed to anger and
lecture.
When adults respond with anger and
lectures, children often transform their
sorrow into anger with the adult--the
lesson may be lost.

23. Consequences with Empathy
“No behavior technique will have a lasting,
positive result if it is not delivered with
compassion, empathy, or understanding.”
Teaching with Love and Logic

24. Consequences With Empathy
The child is not distracted by the adult’s anger.
The child must “own” his or her pain rather than
blaming it on the adult.
The adult-child relationship is maintained.
The child is much less likely to seek revenge.
The adult is seen as being able to handle
problems without breaking a sweat.
The child learns through modeling to use
empathy with others.

25. Consequences With Empathy
How to Destroy the Teaching Value of Logical
Consequences:
Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”
Display anger or disgust
Explain the value of the consequence
Talk too much
Feel sorry and give in
Contrive a consequence for the purpose of
getting even

26. Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate Consequences:
Most of us have great difficulty thinking of one
while we are teaching.
We “own” the problem rather than handing it
back to the student. We do more thinking than
the child.
We are forced to react while we and the
student are upset.

27. Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate Consequences:
We don’t have time to anticipate how the
student, his/her parents, our administrators,
and others will react to our response.
We don’t have time to put together a
reasonable plan.
We often end up making threats we can’t back
up.

28. Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate Consequences:
We generally fail to deliver a strong dose of
empathy before providing the consequence.
Every day we live in fear that some student will
do something that we won’t know how to
handle with an immediate consequence.

29. Consequences with Empathy
“This is sad. I’m going to have to do
something about this. But not now, later.”

30. Consequences With Empathy
Delayed Consequence
Consequences do not need to be delivered
immediately.
Take time to develop a plan.
Include the student in the development of the
consequence by using the problem solving
steps.

31. Consequences with Empathy
Problem Solving Steps
Empathy: “How sad.” “Bummer.”
Send the power message: “What do you think you are
going to do?”
Offer choices: “”Would you like to hear what other kids
have tried.”
Have the child state the consequences: “And how would
that work for you?”
Give permission for the child to either solve or not solve
the problem: “Good luck. I hope it works out for you.”

32. Bonus Features
The One Sentence Intervention
“I’ve noticed that__________. I’ve noticed that.”
Do this twice a week for at least three weeks.

33. Bonus Features
Neutralize student arguing
Go Brain Dead
Choose a one-liner
“I respect you too much to argue.”
“I bet it feels that way.”
“Could be.”
Do not attempt to think--Become a broken
record. Keep voice soft.

34. Bonus Features
Love and Logic Classroom Rules
I will treat you with respect so you will
know how to treat me.
Feel free to do anything that does not
cause a problem for anyone else.
If you cause a problem, I’ll ask you to
solve it.

35. Bonus Features
Love and Logic Classroom Rules
Continued:
If you can’t solve the problem or chose
not to, I will do something.
What I do will depend on the special
person and the special circumstances.
If you feel something is unfair, whisper to
me, “I don’t think that’s fair,” and we will
talk.

36. Bonus Features
Teaseproof Your Students
Put on your “cool look”
Use a one liner, “Thanks for telling me.”
Walk away
Share with teacher in private

37. Resources
www.loveandlogic.com
Contact Kathy Utter to check out Love and
Logic resources such as DVDs, CDs, and
books.

38. Bibliography
Teaching with Love and Logic
Jim Fay and David Funk
Calming the Reactive Brain
presentation by A.W. Atkinson, MD