This article has been written for Techkriti Blog for a Cause Contest. The topic was: Keeping in mind the recent developments in our country, write a political satire. For more information visit: http://www.socialscribblers.in/techkriti-blog-cause/

1. Let’s Play Politics buddy!
The season has arrived and yet another awesome session of muckraking,
name-calling, riots, protests, violence, bribery, booth capturing, useless
discussions and alluring the electorate will begin. In this atmosphere of
phenomenal positive energy flowing all around, the people have eagerly
waited for this day when promises are made to them. The beloved
politicians come to offer them hope- the only commodity that buys votes
free of cost. Others like liquor, food, subsidies etc. costs them heavily you
see, so it’s good to be economically efficient. Great to know our
politicians love the country’s economic stability so much.
In the end it is all a game of selling hopes. Party with best marketing skills
finally wins. For those of you, who think it is a child’s play, let me be
absolutely clear- it is not easy to sell hopes. You need to carefully draft
the hopes in a manner, that your hope gets more vote than your political

2. rival’s. When the opposition is selling reservations, you need to be
innovative enough to draft out schemes for religious minorities. When
the other party is offering the people jobs, you need to be very precise
and organize your support on the basis of linguistic brotherhood. When
someone is offering people free meals, oh God, you have to find ways to
offer free liquor. Nothing else works when food is on the platter, except
booze of course!
Indian voters just love to get fooled. There is no choice. They live with
least developed infrastructure for 5 years and then suddenly various
groups of men come to their house with posters, trumpets and drums,
warning them that their religion is in danger, their fellow brethren are
being killed, and their future is insecure. Poor voter, Aam aadmi if you
wish, is perplexed. He doesn’t know what to do. In this confusion he picks
up a sword and walk furiously, head held high, to kill his own neighbors
with whom he used to share tea just a week back. But what else could he
have done? His religion was in danger after all!
Oh man I love this commotion. It’s breathtaking to see my fellow citizens
discussing which political party to vote for in this coming election.
Actually in India it is not a clash of political parties per se. We prefer to
blindly follow individuals. Ideas are boring, they can’t speak, they can’t
run into controversy, they can’t play the blame game. It’s the individual
who does. Indeed we have a very efficient list of great personalities this
time around.
On one hand there is our favorite Chacha Nehru’s party. It is his great
grandson- Rahul Gandhi, who is there to take the lead now. Rahul baba is
very sweet, and a cute little child at heart. It is amazing how he isn’t
getting old since ages. He has been portrayed as a voice of young India
since time immemorial. But don’t be mistaken. He has had the best
training on how to be a P.M. What else does Sonia aunty do anyway
(Other than ordering MMS on which freebies to announce)?
Then the only big opposition is the RSS affiliated BJP. The new hot
favorite of young Indians, who tirelessly rant NaMo-NaMo day and night
on the social media, Narendra Modi has become no less than a revolution

3. in himself. His newly adapted slogan of five T’s is like a torch guiding the
young Indians into the path of heaven- a richer heaven! Amidst all this
ranting and chanting, the Muslims of India are a bit skeptical. They still
haven’t forgotten the massacre that took place in Godhra in 2002. I mean
come on! Get a life. Less than 1000 people died in those riots and only a
few hundred rapes took place (These figures are from government
sources, and we all know they are always so reliable). What is so big in it?
This happens in our country all the time. There is nothing new. What if
NaMo was the CM that time? What if he voluntarily didn’t take any
action? He also had to secure the votes of his Hindutva fanatic voters,
right? Anyhow Muslims form just 13% of Indian population so politicians
can easily corner them aside or give them reservation for appeasement to
calm their nerves.
Oh boy! Did you see the Delhi elections this time? What the hell were a
group of party workers trying to achieve by sweeping the streets of Delhi
with their brooms? They could have easily won more seats by just
promising the voters free laptops, free furniture, new homes and 100
pizzas. What’s the need of visiting the slums during the nights in this
freaking cold winter? They have already given free water and subsidized
electricity anyway. Last I heard they were going to sit on a protest. Well, I
understand it’s their strategy to wipe out activists from the city by playing
civil society’s role themselves. Intelligent people they are, and sound in
economic policy too. Though they haven’t declared their policy on any
important matter as of yet, but so what? They can still come handy if you
run out of brooms.
There are many more regional parties in India. They constantly threaten
of forming a new monster called the Third-Front to wipe away the
duopoly of Gandhi family and RSS. They are pretty good at plucking the
chords of caste, region, language, community etc within Indian voters.
This is precisely how they came to power to be sure. Everyone can relate
to them in one way or the other. That’s what diversity is called in its true
sense. They make the life of Indian voters very comfortable. It clearly
becomes so evident that if you belong to this community then you have

4. to vote for this party and so on. So easy and convenient. No confusion at
all.
I am certain that the most intelligent person will come to power after the
elections. He will have the talent to pluck the right string at the right time.
That is exactly what is needed ultimately. No need for issue based
elections. For the true utilization of democratic structure, personality
cults have to be on focus. That’s precisely how the country will succeed.
- Vikas Soni