WKA #26: Detective Files - "IN MY HOUSE" TRANSCRIPT.pdf

WHO KILLED ALASKA?
#26 - DETECTIVE FILES: IN MY HOUSE
written by
Cameron Cooper LeBrun

DENVER’S ROOM.
Denver snores.
Sounds are heard from the other room.
BOO [from other room]
Oops.
Denver stirs, settles, then snores.
Sounds are heard in the other room.
Denver wakes.
DENVER [narrator]
There is a stranger sleeping at my house. There is a stranger disrupting my sleep. He searches my
kitchen appliances in the dead of night. Then he drafts out recipes in the margins of newspapers,
and he stuffs those under the couch. Boo Curtis won’t let me have six hours, because he’s too
busy with things that I’m trying to understand.
I hear he’s 24 years old now. I hear he used to do watercolor painting, but he recently left
his expensive paints on Willis Avenue with a sheet of cardboard labeled “FREE.” I hear that he
never has his face covered, that he keeps secrets that don’t need to be secret, that he’s both loud
and quiet at once. Now that the mask has dropped, I feel there’s no one there at all: just a shadow
that I tried to measure and weigh. Now that shadow is in my house, in the middle of the night,
rattling my pots and pans, and keeping me awake from the other side of a wall.
2

DENVER’S ROOM.
Moving from the other room.
DENVER
Boo’s awake.
Denver gets out of bed.
Opens door.
LIVING ROOM.
DENVER
Good morning.
BOO
Oh. That’s gonna make me cry, actually.
DENVER
Right now?
BOO
Check it out.
Boo wipes his hand across his face.
3

BOO
Those are tears.
DENVER
I’m sorry. Glad you’ve been enjoying the New York Times. I figured I left it out for a reason.
BOO
Oh. I’m not reading them. You think I read the newspaper? No, let me show you.
DENVER
The floor’s not clean.
BOO
Don’t worry. So. I was seeing what foods were possible with the ingredients you have, and this
part is a list of your kitchen robots. Here it says you have a blender and a gas stove, which is
awesome. Works on gas. I like that, so uh. So do I— uh. This is a roster of your microwave’s
settings, like uh, the sensor cook. Do you know how your sensor heat works?
DENVER
No.
BOO
I can tell you. The microwave scans how much heat is bouncing around inside and how much got
absorbed by the food.
DENVER
I think it has to do with moisture?
4

BOO
Could be. So it’s doing all that, and, guess what. Well, your sensor heat, which is already a
setting, has a setting for potatoes.
DENVER
Oh.
BOO
Did you know that?
DENVER
No.
BOO
Then it’s good for you that I’m here.
DENVER
Yeah. Now I know about the potato setting.
BOO
Exactly. Now you’re going to help me up.
DENVER
Do you want my hand?
BOO
I do. Be delicate with my little bones.
Boo struggles horribly to get up.
5

BOO
Okay. Hold on. Almost there. Phew. Man.
DENVER
Are you okay?
BOO
Stop. Freeze in place. I said stop. Like, go back. Gimme your hand back.
He does.
BOO
Your lifeline is long. I used to do palm-readings. This means you’re gonna have a much longer
life than me.
DENVER
Is that real?
BOO
It’s probably bullshit— well, no, actually, it’s probably not. Here, let’s stand under the light. You
can stand against the wall where I can see you better.
DENVER
I feel like you’re trying to take my pain away.
BOO
No? I mean, obviously, I have hidden motives. You have warm hands. You pulled away and I felt
lonely.
6

DENVER
Uh, you said that out loud. I can hear you.
BOO
It’s not personal. It’s just my hand. It’s just my hand touching your hand. Why are you, like, oh
my god. You looked away. Hey, no no, come back. There you go. Good boy. You actually looked
away from me. That’s actually impressive.
Denver inhales.
DENVER
Uh—
[♪]
7

DENVER [narrator]
Four years ago, Alaska Curtis was murdered in the woods of Stump Town, 20 minutes north of
Roslyn Estates. This is Long Island— the land of manicured lawns and alcoholic iced tea. To
find Alaska’s killer, I’m investigating the grown up children of some of the wealthiest families in
the United States.
Our six suspects are Jo Magaro, Emma Wooten, Logan Goldberg, Bobby Yorke, Boo
Curtis, and the late Glory Johnson. And then you have me— my name is Detective Finn Denver.
I’m a private investigator looking for the killer.
THEME SONG STARTS
DENVER [narrator]
Welcome to Who Killed Alaska: Detective Files, an original series by The Ghost Factory. This is
Episode 26: “In My House.” Listeners be warned that this series may be inappropriate for
younger audiences, and content throughout may be alarming or upsetting. Welcome to the
Detective Files. Welcome to the truth.
THEME SONG ENDS
8

DENVER [narrator]
There are three people staying in this house, and all three of us come equipped with
microphones. We’ll be switching microphones over the course of this story. You will know we’ve
switched to Jo’s microphone when you hear her specially-designed sound cue, like this:
[Jo’s cue.]
DENVER [narrator]
You will know we’ve switched to Boo’s microphone when you hear his specially-designed sound
cue, like this:
[Boo’s cue.]
DENVER [narrator]
You will know we’ve switched to my microphone when you hear my specially-designed sound
cue, like this:
[Denver’s cue.]
DENVER [narrator]
Now you’re ready for another episode of Detective Files. Let’s begin.
9

[Denver’s cue.]
DENVER’S ROOM.
DENVER
Okay, so, Bobby runs an ARG. ARG stands for “alternate reality game.” A narrative is told
through codes and all kinds of mysterious multi-media pieces on the internet. The first clues tend
to be on social media. I’ll think of an example. Maybe you put in a bunch of search terms you
saw on Reddit, and you find a Youtube account where someone’s videoing their face and talking
about how Area 51 is hiding something. These puzzles are just floating around on the internet. As
the audience, it’s our job to connect all the clues into a story that makes sense.
I think what makes these games really captivating for people is that the games keep
insisting they’re real, all the time. So the characters reply to your messages, they reply to your
comments, and these characters come from normal lives— usually. In the morning, maybe they
get something in their mailbox that’s weird, and they’ll post pictures on Instagram with whatever
iPhone camera is common at the time. The lack of difference between reality and fiction is the
focus of ARGs. Also, most ARGs have the same plot. They’re always uncovering a fictional
conspiracy or a secret. They follow these hidden truths that an average Joe has no awareness of.
If you’re playing along, you get to feel like they’re letting you in on some big secret. But
obviously, the “truth” is fictional.
DENVER [narrator]
I’ve already been exposed to two facets of Bobby’s ARG. The first is that he’s left me some
voicemails that might hold some clues.
10

TEXT-TO-SPEECH [clip - WKA3]
Pain begets joy. Fear begets void. Hello, Detective. I’m calling to give you your first warning:
stop investigating Alaska’s death.
DENVER [narrator]
In the voicemails, he mentions Alaska by name, and then he addresses me as “Detective.”
The second facet is that Bobby had a disturbing livestream that Boo accidentally told me
about. And in this livestream, the character actually addresses Bobby as Bobby.
ROBOTIC VOICE [clip - WKA22]
Bobby said “frozen.” Just like his hand— feeling icy and damp down below.
DENVER [narrator]
In both cases, Bobby talks about real people, which is not normal for an ARG. And because
Alaska is mentioned, it’s already relevant to the case. Potentially, there could be evidence mixed
in. So my guiding question is, according to his ARG, what did Bobby do that night? I don’t know
yet if the ARG will have those answers, but I can look.
MONTAGE.
Denver brushes his teeth, spits. Tightens his tie. Ties his shoes.
DENVER [narrator]
At the start of every day, I remind myself that today could be difficult, today could be trying, and
I’m prepared to be scared and overwhelmed. Everything is always worth a try, and a try…
11

DENVER
Shoe 1, shoe 2, now you put the bunny in a loop.
DENVER [narrator]
…is worth your confidence.
LIVING ROOM.
BOO
Do you wear shoes inside?
DENVER
Sometimes. It makes me feel like the day got started. What?
BOO
Alright, well, I have something to do.
[Boo’s cue.]
BATHROOM.
BOO
You’ve been here.
JO
You’re here.
12

DENVER [narrator]
Boo’s been sitting on the dirty floor a lot, so I run through the living room with a mop.
[Denver’s cue.]
DENVER [narrator]
I’m trying to find Bobby’s ARG.
DENVER’S ROOM.
DENVER [narrator]
I’m at my desk, with my laptop. I googled a quote from his voicemail.
TEXT-TO-SPEECH [clip - WKA3]
Pain begets joy. Fear begets void.
DENVER [narrator]
That brought me to a website that’s nothing but a black screen and only one button. So we’ll see
what that does.
ROBOTIC VOICE [laptop]
Hello.
DENVER
It says, “do you want to grant this site microphone access.” Yes.
Mouse click.
13

DENVER
Hello?
I don’t understand your question.
DENVER
Hello?
Who is this?
DENVER
I’m uh, I’m a seeker of truth.
What a pitiful name. It is a joy to meet you. They call me Tartarus, for I could imprison titans if I
so pleased. Today, I am not so inclined, so we will discuss, like two generals drinking wine in the
war room as death ravages the rest.
DENVER
Cool. It’s nice to meet you too?
DENVER
IT’S NICE TO MEET YOU TOOOOO. Uh. ARE YOU— Uh. ARE YOU HUMAN?
Yes, I am human.
14

DENVER
Oh!
There are so few humans left now. My dream
is to exterminate the non-humans to the
greatest extent possible.
DENVER
WHY?
DENVER
UH. WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE? YOU SAID YOU WERE HUMAN?
I have no eyes to see through. My eye sockets are empty. But I’m a woman.
DENVER [narrator]
I feel like the site is spitting out scripted lines, so, I test it a little.
DENVER
WHAT’S TODAY?
DENVER [narrator]
It’s definitely pre-written.
15

DENVER
WHO’S BOBBY?
DENVER
DO YOU KNOW WHO BOBBY IS?
My current goal is to destroy the Knight.
DENVER
WHAT IS THE KNIGHT?
Bobby.
DENVER [narrator]
Bobby made himself into a character in this story. He made himself an important character, so
information about what he did that night could actually be in here. But even if I know the right
questions, I could be asking them in a way that Bobby didn’t expect me to. Finding all the lines
Bobby wrote is gonna be difficult.
DENVER
How should I word this, uh.
16

DENVER
What, what happened the night Alaska died, or…
DENVER
What did Bobby do, or…
DENVER
What did Bobby do on July 13th?
What year?
Pause.
DENVER
TWENTY-NINETEEN.
Bobby was swallowed by the chaos that was breathing the Devil’s Breath.
DENVER [narrator]
I’m stunned. (pause) Meanwhile, Jo and Boo are talking.
17

[Jo’s cue.]
BATHROOM.
BOO
You’ve been here.
JO
You’re here. (pause) We made it.
BOO
Look how hot we are now.
Jo laughs.
JO
Look at you!
BOO
We made it out of the lake.
JO
You’re living your life now! How’s streaming?
BOO
It’s really good.
JO
You’re making so much money off your face— no, I respect it! Hey, are you rich yet?
18

BOO
Mm, pretty much.
JO
Are you gonna get your own place?
BOO
Oh yeah.
JO
Okay, so you’re just staying a little while!
BOO
Mhm.
JO
Sorry I set your car on fire. But I’m glad you’re, like, visiting? I mean you’re basically visiting,
and now Denver has to let you keep seeing me! My GOD, wait, is that condo in Roslyn Estates
for sale? You should get that!
BOO
Uh, yeah. I’ll, um, gotta figure something out and then.
Pause.
JO
Oh, are you and Denver collaborating, like, for finding Alaska’s killer?
19

BOO
No! No.
JO
Oh, okay. Can you gimme context?
BOO
So. I was talking to Bobby.
JO
Yah?
BOO
I was talking to Bobby while there was a snake in the building.
JO
Right. Okay, while the snake was in the building, when we were stalking you.
BOO
I got distracted and then the snake jumped out at me, and then Denver blocked the snake and it
bit him.
JO
Oh! That’s how it bit him.
BOO
I think in that moment I realized that Denver’s not an authority figure.
JO
Yuh-huh?
20

BOO
Because an authority figure would never go out of their way to protect me, so, in that two-second
moment, I had to reset my idea of who Denver is.
JO
Mm! That’s crazy! Denver is not an authority figure to me.
BOO
I didn’t get that until he saved me.
JO
‘Cause I was nearby. So, you absorbed my thoughts, and my emotions.
BOO
I was right that he’s self-interested, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think he’s selfish.
JO
Yah.
BOO
He just needs to read more philosophy.
JO
Exactly! He cooks for me for free and I was like, what the hell? You need to be traumatized! Just
kidding— but you need to be traumatized! Like for real!
BOO
I get that. And another thing! My parents aren’t paying him that much, because, okay, what is
this bathroom? What is this house?
21

JO
Yeah?— Yeah.
BOO
And I’m allowed to say that, cause I’m homeless. (clicks tongue) Oh, hey, so. Jo. I struck a deal
with Denver. As long as I’m supervising… you can walk around the house, during the day.
Pause.
JO
Really?
BOO
Denver and I hid all the lighters and sharp objects, and the doors are blocked. I have the key to
your handcuffs. It doesn’t matter, but uh… you should do it.
Jo unlocks the handcuffs.
JO
I’m standing. LET’S GOOOOOO! Let’s fucking go! I am upright! My knees are locked! I am
standing up! No longer chained to the radiator! This deserves… a Milton party!
BOO
Uh, actually, rethink that.
22

JO
Sometimes Denver and I have a Milton party with his cat Milton!
LIVING ROOM.
BOO
Alice is here.
JO
He’s the best cat in the world!
Milton mews.
JO
It’s Milton!
Alice barks. Milton hisses.
DENVER
JO! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!
BOO
ALICE! NO! ALICE, YOU’RE VEGAN!
Jo screams.
23

AD BREAK
HOST
Hello! I love this show. Hopefully you do too, and hopefully that’s why you’re listening. So, let’s
talk about Patreon! Donate five dollars, and you get to hear a ton of really funny bloopers, and
you get links to the show’s entire instrumental soundtrack— which is well over a hundred songs!
That’s a lot of songs. This one is from episode 23, that we’re listening to right now. So if you
wanna check this one out: Episode 23. Also! Maybe you wanna know what the cast is like, aside
from the characters you usually hear. So guess what! There are videos of the cast reacting to the
show— this show! Wow! You can also watch an interview we did with the cast in December.
Okay but maybe you don’t care about how the show is made! Maybe you don’t give a shit about
that! Maybe you just want more show. And I get that! I definitely do! If you donate on Patreon—
five dollars— you get two Patreon-exclusive bonus episodes. Wow! Those are episodes of Who
Killed Alaska that you can get for five dollars! If a bunch of people donate, maybe we’ll do a
third one. I would like to!
This is another song from the soundtrack playing. This is another song from episode 23
as well, so go listening— uh, go listen to that one. This one is called “Dance with Me.”
One of those bonus episodes is episode 15.5, which is a flashback episode where all the
characters are teenagers. So they talk a lot about being teenagers on this show— you can go hear
what they sound like, when they’re teenagers! So! Hear how they act, at least. Their voices are
the same.
24

Donate $10, and you get a whole bunch of ARG-style puzzles. So those are incredible
and you should try them. I’m not gonna say too much about them because, spoilers. But uh,
they’re great. Go check those out. Please. They’re like little video games.
Your donations, at any level, make this show possible. So thank you genuinely so much
to the people who donate. It actually genuinely means a lot and it makes this show possible. So,
let’s thank some people.
Thank you to Sierra, Ben Walter, Grinleysspa, Jupiter Defense Squad, Moony Boons,
MuricanPye, Bina, Happidragon, Criminal Frog, K. Lovechilde, Lukas King, Katrina Redman,
August Ure, Mic Drop, LivinLuxuriouslySelena, Kelly Brennan, Ash, Shoshi, Shep, Nicole
Collard, Emma, MishaWarlock, Sarah, CJ Taylor-Caldwell!
Also a quick reminder: new episodes come out on the tenth of every month. There will be
another one on the tenth of May.
Thank you so much for your patronage on Patreon! Okay, now back to the show!
25

[Denver’s cue.]
LIVING ROOM.
Window is open. Birds are chirping.
DENVER [narrator]
Right now, I’m re-organizing my notes. I’m sluggish but I can lock my focus onto the screen.
The Tartarus bot said “Bobby was swallowed by the chaos that was breathing the Devil’s
Breath.” Devil’s Breath is the nickname of scopolamine, a hallucinogenic drug. In low doses, it’s
a prescription. In high doses, it’s a poison. In between, it’s a fringe party drug that causes
aggression and violent hallucinations.
DENVER
Can you smell that?
BOO
Hm?
DENVER
You can smell the neighbors’ flowers from here.
BOO
Oh. Naw.
DENVER [narrator]
The syntax is challenging. It’s like a riddle. “Bobby was swallowed by the chaos that was
breathing the Devil’s Breath,” as in the drug. Maybe it means, “Bobby was absorbed in the
26

chaotic action that is taking the Devil’s Breath,” or simply, “Bobby was taking Devil’s Breath.”
So Bobby could’ve been high that night, on a pretty dangerous drug. I could ask Boo— but he
shouldn’t feel like he’s staying with his interrogator. I want to get along.
Denver sips from his mug.
BOO
Are you trying to figure out Bobby?
DENVER
Ah. Hello.
BOO
Hello. I don’t think he killed Alaska, but something’s definitely weird about him.
DENVER [narrator]
Gotta change the subject. Quick. Quick.
DENVER
You’re moving around a lot. Are you okay?
BOO
Whadda you mean?
DENVER
You dragged me up the hill yesterday.
DENVER [clip - WKA25]
Okay, I’m fading.
27

BOO [clip - WKA25]
I’m gonna save you! I’m gonna save you!
DENVER
They said to not exert yourself for a couple days.
BOO
Um. ‘Scuse me. You’re the one who got bitten.
DENVER
Ohh. I mean I have a headache, but, it feels like a hangover.
DENVER [narrator]
My main problem is I didn’t sleep much.
Clip: Boo making a ruckus last night.
BOO
Hmmm. Is that right? Then come closer.
DENVER
You should not— hey!
DENVER [narrator]
When Boo gets up, I see his socks slipping on the wood, so I— I have to catch him.
Boo starts slipping. Denver gets up and catches.
28

DENVER
I cleaned the floor cause it was dirty.
BOO
Why would you catch me?
DENVER
No specific reason.
BOO
Why?
DENVER
It’s a normal reaction?
BOO
No it’s not.
DENVER
You were falling.
BOO
No, no, you have to tell me.
Pause.
BOO
Do you realize how physically close you are right now?
29

Denver steps away.
DENVER
I didn’t mean to embarrass you.
BOO
You didn’t embarrass me. I might cry again.
DENVER
Right now?
JO [from the kitchen]
Boo! Let’s get bakin’!
BOO
You’re just being nice. Man.
JO [from the kitchen]
Boo.
BOO
Yeah.
DENVER
Sorry.
BOO
No.
DENVER [narrator]
Aaaaand he walks away.
30

[Boo’s cue.]
KITCHEN.
BOO
Oh! Yay. Chocolate chips. We gotta put these in the cupcakes. Are chocolate chips vegan?
JO
I dunno.
BOO
It’s fine. I can eat non-vegan foods. Being vegan is more of like a personhood thing and not just
an action, y’feel me?
JO
That’s dumb and makes no sense.
BOO
Ok.
JO
Boo? Boo. Boo. (whispering) We cannot be domesticated by him.
BOO
(quietly) By Denver? Domestication’s a cute word. I’ll be domesticated by a man who hikes. Oh,
what do… what do hiker thighs look like? (pause) Dude. I’m joking. We can domesticate each
other, if you want.
Jo slaps his arm.
31

BOO
(quietly) Ow!
JO
You are Pain!
Jo slaps his arm repeatedly.
BOO
(quietly) Ow! Thank you! Thanks!
JO
I’m Selfishness! We are not people! You cannot be treating us like we’re people! I know I need a
leash, and you need one too!
BOO
(quietly) Jo, what the—
Boo sputters.
JO
You need a leash! You need, you need the freedom to be held back so you don’t have to act like a
robot! Like a human!
BOO
I am not going to be handcuffed to a radiator!
32

JO
Okay, maybe you should try it.
BOO
Jo.
JO
It’s very freeing! I can snarl. Have you ever snarled before? Have you ever snarled before?— It
feels really fucking good, dude. It feels really good. I’m going on a snarl cleanse. It’s where I
snarl at people and they just have to accept that.
BOO
I am not— I’m just not going to be handcuffed to a radiator. I’m not a fire hazard like that.
JO
You know you need a leash. Okay, maybe not handcuffs, maybe not— you know you need a
leash. You need to be yourself, and then you need to be controlled. That’s how I do it. (pause)
Boo, are you good?
BOO
Me? Good? Yo, I’m always good.
JO
Then can you cover your damn face up? I’m trying to whisk and I can’t look down.
BOO
Don’t be upset that you’re stuck with my sexy face.
JO
I dropped the whisk. I don’t know where I dropped it.
33

BOO
Then I’ll get it for you.
He does.
BOO
We’re scaring each other.
JO
We’re annoying each other.
BOO
I think that means we’re annoying ourselves. Because I’m part of you now, and the other way
around is also true. I don’t even need to argue with myself in the head anymore.
JO
Can you cover your damn face up?
BOO
If I go back to covering my face up, I’m teaching myself that I don’t want to be loved. A person’s
actions inevitably form their worldview. I started cooking real food for myself, like instant
ramen, because cooking for yourself is a… It’s a way of teaching yourself that you’re worth
having to survive. And that’s important for me, because in my house…
Pause.
34

JO
Yeah but I can’t read you like this because I can’t look away. I’m only looking at your face and
none of the colors. It’s creepy to see you this way.
BOO
Get fucked, I guess.
JO
Boo, this is really upsetting me. (pause) The lake changed us a lot, huh? (pause) Okay, I
definitely can’t whisk while you’re holding my hand.
BOO
Let’s stop making cupcakes. Let’s just hang out.
JO
Ok. Let’s hang out.
BOO
You’re a bastard and I missed you.
JO
Hm. What are we gonna do about ourselves?
BOO
Live.
35

DENVER [narrator]
The rest of my day is unproductive. I’m tired. I’m really tired. I’m getting really tired.
[Denver’s cue.]
DENVER’S ROOM.
Denver gets in bed.
DENVER [narrator]
Tomorrow will be another day. Another chance. A fresh new start. That’s what tomorrow’s for.
Blender starts in the other room.
DENVER [narrator]
What could he possibly be doing in there?
SOON.
Ruckus in the other room.
DENVER
Noooo.
36

SOON.
Boo is making a noise that makes us think to ourselves, “what the hell even is that.”
DENVER
Why is this happenninggggg?
DENVER [narrator]
I do not sleep. This is now a lot worse.
MORNING.
DENVER
Good morning, microphone. What the fuck, man.
DENVER [narrator]
We unlock Jo for the day.
KITCHEN.
DENVER [narrator]
Jo and I make aggressive, long-lasting eye-contact over breakfast, partially because it’s game
over as soon as we look in Boo’s direction, but mostly because we need to acknowledge to each
other that this is terrible.
BOO
I was curious what your cooking tastes like.
37

DENVER
Were you satisfied?
BOO
Hm. Makes me hungry.
SOON.
DENVER
(whispering) I’m gonna tell Boo to quiet down at night.
JO
(whispering) It’s not a big deal. I would’ve joined him.
DENVER
(whispering) Oh come on now.
JO
(whispering) Pots and pans and— no, I don’t know what he’s doing, sounded fun. It’s a midnight
party, in the kitchen. I love to party. I LOVE to party. I mean if there’s one thing to know about
me, I think you know, I think you know this thing to know, I love to party.
DENVER
(whispering) He can party in the kitchen during the day and it won’t interrupt our sleep. I’m
gonna go talk to him.
JO
(whispering) Listen, I won’t stop you. (spoken) I won’t stop you.
38

Jo walks away.
JO
I WON’T STOP YOU!
LIVING ROOM.
Denver whistles.
DENVER [narrator]
Is Boo throwing up in there?
Door opens.
BOO
Were you listening?
DENVER
Oh. Boo. How long have you been doing this?
BOO
Just a couple weeks. I don’t have anything to hide.
Denver sighs.
39

BOO
Hey, I haven’t streamed in a while. Can I borrow your guitar?
DENVER
Yeah. Yeah, I, I can… Let me get that. Stay here.
Denver walks.
JO
Did you talk to him?
DENVER
I couldn’t.
JO
What?
DENVER
He’s going through an adjustment period. I’m, I’m gonna give him a couple days to work things
out.
DENVER [narrator]
So I go to my room and I work. And I work. And I learn absolutely nothing. Because I am so
tired. And there’s no poetic way to say that. Ugh.
40

[Boo’s cue.]
LIVING ROOM.
BOO
People have all these negative associations with male beauty in the west. Ok, now I’m putting a
little bit of highlighter on my cheek bone. But what’s the difference when a man wears it or a
woman wears it? It’s just skin. Thank you! Thank you for the love. Thank you for the donation!
“LilBooBoo” says, “Moan for us.” (chuckles) I’m not gonna do that. I’m not gonna—
Boo throws his phone.
BOO
OKAY. STOP. STOP IT, STOP IT, JUST STOP IT. PLEASE. STOP. STOP. PLEASE. JUST
STOP. STOP IT. PLEASE. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP.
41

[Denver’s cue.]
DENVER’S ROOM.
DENVER [narrator]
What was I working on again? What was I working on again? Oh, god. I’ve barely slept in two
days. Colors of things are starting to change. I gotta sleep. This is… this is bad. Get into bed.
Denver gets into bed.
BOO [from the other room]
OKAY. STOP. STOP IT, STOP IT, JUST STOP IT. PLEASE. STOP. STOP. PLEASE. JUST
STOP. STOP IT. PLEASE. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP IT.
DENVER [narrator]
It’s still too much noise. I don’t feel tired. Not good. My hands are changing color. I think I’m
hallucinating. Oh, and suddenly it’s raining. The patter resonates dully from the window. Wait.
But that could be real. Is it real? Is it really raining?
Doorbell rings.
DENVER [narrator]
And… yup, that’s a real doorbell.
42

DENVER
COMING!
Denver gets out of bed.
DENVER
Ohhh…
LIVING ROOM.
DENVER
Are you good?
BOO
I’m fine! Yeah. Just finished up streaming. Someone’s at the door.
Denver opens the front door.
DENVER
Riley Shadowmoon?
SHADOWMOON
I sensed that my services were needed. May I come in?
DENVER
Uh. If you’re real, sure.
43

SHADOWMOON
Oh, I’m super real, so I will come in.
Shadowmoon enters.
SHADOWMOON
Okay, here’s one. Where’s the other?
BOO
Are we having a dinner party?
SHADOWMOON
Not at 11:50am.
BOO
Sorry. My internal clock’s busted.
SHADOWMOON
Yeah, no shit.
Jo opens the bathroom door.
JO
Boo, are you done yelling and throwing things?
BOO
I was not yelling! And I only threw my phone!
44

JO
Riley Shadowmoon! The last time I saw you, you told me that I’m an Outsider and I should go
fuck myself!
SHADOWMOON
I definitely did not tell you to go fuck yourself, Jo.
JO
And before that you told me I rigged a Ouija board even though I’m Catholic!
SHADOWMOON
Hey, you are super weird!
Jo grunts.
SHADOWMOON
Oh! Normal of you! That’s so normal! Snarling? (pause) Okay, so, Jo, Boo, let’s take a seat! I am
here for the two of you!
DENVER
Uh. Wait. When you’re done with them, could I speak with you?
SHADOWMOON
Detective Finn Denver! Normal guy!
DENVER
Bazinga.
45

SHADOWMOON
Don’t say bazinga. Are you sure you need my help?
DENVER
I’m pretty sure. Yeah.
SHADOWMOON
Alright, since I’m here, I’ll help you too. But let me get to the Outsiders first.
DENVER
Of course.
BOO
What? Wait, are you making a house call?
SHADOWMOON
Yes.
BOO
Who called you here?
SHADOWMOON
Boo, for once in your life, shut up and cut the deck.
DENVER [narrator]
Shadowmoon needs to look at the cards, so Boo agrees to cover his face. He settles down
pretzel-style, tying a scarf to his face under a pair of sunglasses I’ve given him.
SHADOWMOON
Boo, I appreciate you covering your face for me.
BOO
Only for you.
46

SHADOWMOON
Now, you both came out of the lake as new people. You’re now adjusting to your new selves.
This reading is about who you are now, so we can help you reflect and adjust a little more
smoothly. We’ll start with Jo. I already know what this first card is going to be. This card is
Strength.
Card flip.
JO
(mumbling) How did he know that?
SHADOWMOON
Because I picked this one on purpose.
JO
Oh. (whispering) Why did he do that?
SHADOWMOON
Because this card, Strength, is your significator! That means I chose this card to represent you.
Look how the figure is containing the wild animal; she’s petting it, or she’s pressing its mouth
closed. This card symbolizes strength, and it symbolizes compassion.
JO
Okay?
SHADOWMOON
It’s the courage to have compassion and the strength to have influence— on others or yourself.
47

JO
Well I think your cards are broken, cause—
SHADOWMOON
Uh-huh?
JO
I’m sorry, Mr Shadowmoon. That’s not me. I don’t feel empathy.
SHADOWMOON
Boom, baby! Yes! I knew you would say that. God, I’m good. Yeah, Jo, that’s the point! You
have chosen a monumentally important path: to know that you are wrong. You have fully
acknowledged your flaws and embraced them.
JO
Okay?
SHADOWMOON
That will make you double-back into being one of the most powerful forces for good in this
story, because you know that you’re in the wrong.
JO
Like wrong forever?
SHADOWMOON
Unclear! Let’s flip the other card.
Card flip.
48

SHADOWMOON
This card represents what you can use to pave your path forward, towards your happy ending.
You got the Hermit.
BOO
Gotta be introspective.
SHADOWMOON
Gotta be introspective. Yup. Keep looking within.
JO
Ooooooh boy. Okay.
SHADOWMOON
Next, we’re going to start with Boo’s significator. Now Boo’s significator is the Fool. It means
that his journey is full of infinite possibilities, and…
Card flip.
SHADOWMOON
This, this is not the card I put down. This isn’t the Fool. Tha-that’s not magic. Boo, what did you
do?
BOO
I switched the card.
SHADOWMOON
Why? Why? Why did you pick this one? Boo, what are you doing?
49

BOO
I didn’t pick the Magician. I swapped the Fool with a random card. Thought the deck should pick
a new significator.
DENVER
What? What does that mean?
SHADOWMOON
Oh, this is a very bad omen.
BOO
Is it?
SHADOWMOON
Okay. This is a very bad omen.
JO
What do you mean? He just put in a new card, right?
SHADOWMOON
Boo changed destiny. He was the Fool. Now he’s the Magician. Why the Magician? What did
you change in the lake?
BOO
Hm.
SHADOWMOON
Boo. Your reflection. Where— where is your reflection?
JO
Oh my god.
50

DENVER [narrator]
My house is full of mirrors, but I’ve been stuck looking at Boo whenever we’re in the same
room. This is my first time seeing it.
JO
Your reflection is gone!
BOO
I know.
SHADOWMOON
Boo! What did you do!
BOO
He’s dead. I killed him.
SHADOWMOON
Boo. Boo, you can’t look in the mirror anymore. You can’t reflect. You can’t see yourself. You
can’t understand yourself!
BOO
Flip the last card.
SHADOWMOON
I don’t know what your path forward can be.
Card flip.
51

SHADOWMOON
The Tower.
Pause.
DENVER
What does that mean?
SHADOWMOON
Obliteration.
52

DENVER [narration]
I speak with Shadowmoon alone.
SHADOWMOON
So, uh, Denver. What did you want to ask me?
DENVER
Is Outsiderness contagious?
SHADOWMOON
You must be in a dire state to ask that question. (pause) What’s wrong?
DENVER
I feel like I can barely stand up straight. Boo’s been keeping us up at night, making all these
noises, and my toes are numb, and I feel like something’s changing.
SHADOWMOON
It sounds like you’re tired.
Denver inhales.
DENVER
What does it mean, to be an Outsider, exactly? What does it mean that Boo is Pain and, and, and
Jo is Selfishness? Please, just tell me what it means.
SHADOWMOON
They’re pieces of the whole. If they died right now, the Pain and the Selfishness would just float
back to Purgatory to join the rest of it.
53

DENVER
Oh, but— but why are they here?
SHADOWMOON
Doesn’t have to be a reason they exist. They just do. Now what are you gonna do about it?
DENVER
I dunno. Try and help?
SHADOWMOON
Good answer. But Boo freaked me the fuck out today, so I’m gonna go. This is the end of my
social battery.
DENVER
Wait, wait, Riley, just one more thing.
SHADOWMOON
Yes?
DENVER
Just one more question. How can I get Boo to be quiet at night?
SHADOWMOON
Ooookay. Pull a card from the deck.
DENVER
Right here?
SHADOWMOON
Yah.
54

Denver pulls a card.
SHADOWMOON
What is it? The Moon reversed. Boo can’t sleep. Okay, goodbye.
DENVER
Wait, wait, wait, what do I do?
SHADOWMOON
He’s used to a car or a bed. Sofa is weird. He doesn’t like it. Car is a bad idea. Give him a bed.
DENVER
Wait, wait, what, I can’t afford another bed!
SHADOWMOON
Hey, don’t look at me. I’m broke!
Shadowmoon leaves.
Denver sighs.
Walks.
DENVER
Boo. Are you having trouble sleeping?
Pause.
55

BOO
The sofa’s kind of uncomfortable.
DENVER
Are you playing with my belongings at night because you’re having trouble sleeping?
BOO
Yeah.
DENVER
You didn’t come out of the lake with newfound violent tendencies, did you?
BOO
Not that I’m aware of.
DENVER
Do you wanna sleep on the opposite side of my bed tonight?
JO
(whispering) He’s domesticating you!
Pause.
BOO
Yeah.
56

DENVER’S ROOM.
BOO
G’night, Denver.
DENVER
G’night, Boo.
Denver gasps.
DENVER [narrator]
Something is happening. (pauses) I have come to realize that my life may be spiraling.
57

CREDITS
THE GHOST FACTORY
WRITER/DIRECTOR/HEAD - Cameron LeBrun
SCRIPT EDITOR - Katrina Clairvoyant
MUSIC - Thor Speeler, Cameron LeBrun
SOUND DESIGN - Andres Buitrago, David Geyer, Fletcher Gaddy, Jacob Lundy, Ramiro
Sambueza
MIX & MASTER - Matthew Kyong
ART - Bella Wynne, Locke Reinhardt, and doritofalls
FINN DENVER - Joseph Kitembo
BOO CURTIS - Alex Redd
JO MAGARO - Sally Roberts
RILEY SHADOWMOON - Joshua Mays
PATRONS - Sierra, Ben Walter, Grinleysspa, Jupiter Defense Squad, Moony Boons,
MuricanPye, Bina, Happidragon, Criminal Frog, K. Lovechilde, Lukas King, Katrina Redman,
August Ure, Mic Drop, LivinLuxuriouslySelena, Kelly Brennan, Ash, Shoshi, Shep, Nicole
Collard, Emma, MishaWarlock, Sarah, and CJ Taylor-Caldwell!
58

WKA #26: Detective Files - "IN MY HOUSE" TRANSCRIPT.pdf

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WKA #26: Detective Files - "IN MY HOUSE" TRANSCRIPT.pdf