When a sudden medical emergency occurs—say, a spouse has a stroke or a parent is diagnosed with cancer—family members often join together for a common purpose, at least for a while. This type of collaboration is less likely when an aging parent is in slow decline. When few or no adult children live nearby, day-to-day problems are more likely to go unnoticed and unsolved.

1. CALL A FAMILY MEETING
Hold a family meeting in person or by phone.
Decide what kind of care is needed and who should
research or provide it. Having a doctor, social
worker, or geriatric care manager present can help
enormously. The Needs Questionnaire in this
course, can guide you, too, as can a professional
assessment.
Try to put aside personal differences and
resentments so the spotlight stays on your loved
one’s needs. While it’s helpful to have one person
assume primary responsibility for caregiving,
everyone in the family should offer to handle
specific tasks.

2. APPOINT A MEDICAL
COORDINATOR
Put one person in charge of talking with doctors,
nurses, and pharmacists. That person should create
a medical file that includes information on the
patient’s current illnesses, medications, allergies,
medical history, specialists, and treatments.
Keep a log that includes notes from conversations
with doctors, insurance providers, hired caregivers,
and others, including action steps and follow-up
plans.
It helps if the person who is appointed has some
knowledge of health care. More important, though,
is the ability to gather information, keep everyone in
the family up to date, and push for responsive care.
Sometimes it works well to have a second person
who agrees to be a strong, vocal (and perhaps less
polite) advocate, should the need for one arise.

3. PLAY TO STRENGTHS
Match people’s tasks to their abilities. Those with
medical backgrounds, financial abilities, or legal
knowledge should put these skills to use. Practically
anyone can make necessary phone calls to dig up
information or oversee various aspects of
caregiving.

4. DELEGATE
Create a list of smaller jobs that people can do,
and distribute these tasks. Or simply ask people to
check off what they can do. Keep a family email or
phone list to help delegate tasks.

5. CONSIDER PERSONAL ISSUES
Recognize everyone’s abilities (and limitations).
Some people just can’t pitch in or may have valid
reasons to avoid doing so.
Countless factors can influence a person’s
willingness and availability to help.
• Other pressing obligations
• Personal issues such as alcoholism
• Sadness over the circumstances
• Trouble coping
• And even divided loyalties—such as those that
crop up in stepfamilies.

6. PLAN A TRIAL PERIOD
Once family members agree on a plan, set a time
to reassess it. If the situation is relatively stable,
have a reassessment in one or more months. If the
situation is uncertain, check in daily or weekly.

7. BE SUPPORTIVE
If you’re not the main caregiver, ask how you can
help. Could you take over for a weekend or one
evening a week? Can you perform or coordinate
certain services, such as housecleaning, yardwork,
or transportation to medical appointments? Can you
pay for help or respite care?
Don’t make promises you cannot keep, but do offer
to help as much as possible. If you live in another
state, make yourself available on specific weekends
or during vacations. Keep in regular contact with the
caregiver and the person receiving care.