Festus throws a birthday party that goes awry, with guests getting stuck at the door and passing out in front of the food. Meanwhile, Kitty throws another teen party that is interrupted by police responding to a noise complaint. The paparazzi shows up to photograph the scene, annoying the officer.

1. The Good, the Bad, and The Uglacy
Chapter 11, A Brand New Year!
By Candi020765

2. The Cartwright Legacy continues into the holidays, looking all organized with
the kids faithfully doing their homework. Don’t be fooled. They all have C’s
or D’s in school, and at this point, the social worker is a missed homework away.

3. Our current heir, Audra Cartwright is hanging out with the founding sim, Ben Cartwright. I am not going to do
the whole review process as I just did it last chapter.
“That’s lazy and poor storytelling.”
Says the heir that naps in a rocking chair all day and is still no where close to her lifetime want of being a News
Anchor.

4. Peanut, on the other hand, is closer to his lifetime want of being a movie composer.
He is a back up vocalist right now, but he is obsessed with his guitar. He needs to
perform more to get there. I thought that meant performing in public, but apparently
he was supposed to go to a concert hall, pfft. Which I didn’t realize till he was old.

5. So we went to the Toadstool for him to play, which apparently is the bar everyone dies in. Peanut hates
ghosts, which became pretty inconvenient.
“Noooo, there’s a ghost!”
Stupid old bar fly must have died here.

6. After repeatedly fainting, Peanut was unable to get through one song.
Cowardly sims are sooo annoying.

7. Not one to give up, I kept Peanut on there, while Miss Dead Sleeze Pants moved on. No sooner does he start playing
again, then this old geezer dies on the lot!
“Fred, why are you all looking at me like that? Is everything ok?”
“Mike, I don’t know how to tell you this…”
Does everyone come to the Toadstool to die. This looks like a nursing home.

8. “Just tell him already, Fred. The rest of us don’t have all day either!”
Oh geesh, the story progression on my game is obviously not killing these elders
off fast enough. And why are all these people dying on town lots?!

9. “What’s going on? Iis the ghost back? I can’t play here. This is ruining my
creative mojo. It smells like old people and Ben Gay.”
Just look away, Peanut. Nothing to see, nothing to see.

10. “Mike, I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but you’re dead.”
“Haha, Fred, you always were the practical joker.”
“No, I’m serious Mike, look your widow is crying. And that Bar Fly is waiting to take you to the other side.”
“That ain’t the only place I’ll take you, baby.”

11. “Oh man, people are dying here. I think I should go.”
No, Peanut. Can’t you see they need your music! Now more than ever.

12. And so Peanut poured out his heart and played A Love Since Forgotten,
an appropriate ballad for Mike’s grieving widow. Unfortunately only the
stray dogs noticed. Cause the widow was being all drama and everything.

13. In each batch of kids, there is always one weirdo. This one is Festus.
Playing in a toilet puddle with his imaginary friend. Ewww.
He ends up getting sick and never goes to school. Ever. Really.

14. “That’s enough of your creepy play, mister. Mom’s gotta use the bathroom.”
“But I’m a King.”
“And I’m the Queen of England. Get OUT!”

15. “I have to pee you little ingrate! Get OUT!”
*No response. Audra pees herself… true story.*

16. “Hear ye, Hear ye, King Festus commands rule of the land!”
“I’m going to give you rule of the land, you freak.”

17. “I demand that as an obedient peasant, you do my homework for me.”
“Ha, ha, yeah ok little lord loser. Anything else?”
“I need snacks. Kings like marshmallows pies.”

18. Sonny, Astra, and Boo remain ever happy in their pasture.
They don’t get much attention because my sims are always
dead tired and doing homework. I think sims have way too much
homework. They can’t even enjoy their beautiful horses.

19. “Ching had checkers, red and black. Across the board, he attacked…
but lost his checkers and couldn’t get them back. Poor Ching was too
stupid to understand, so now he just plays Candyland…”
Yes, she really does sing this song every flipping day since China!

20. “Hear Ye, Hear ye, I command that someone play chess with me immediately!”
Oh brother. give it a rest kid. He never stops with the King outfit.

21. Oh no, my badly dressed reaper has come to collect Sonny!

22. My sentiments exactly.

23. Astra takes it especially hard, and as if knowing this, Kitty will not
leave her be and keeps taking her for rides. At least Astra has Boo.

24. But life must go on…
“Yay, it is time for the King’s Birthday. Let the Peasants rejoice and be merry!
Yea, right, I’m sure they are throwing a town parade right now.

25. “I am disappointed. Where is my crown?!”
Well I’m sure you can get another one at Burger King.
Because Festus had a crappy childhood, I can’t pick his family trait. So now he is insane,
good, heavy sleeper, and a snob. We should have seen that coming with the King get up.

26. Ruth and Newly grew up too. Ruth is in Green, Newly is in Red.
Ruth: Loves Outdoors, Vehicle Enthusiast, Artistic, and Equestrian.
Newly: Neurotic, Virtuoso, Easily Impressed, and Equestrian.
Newly obviously got screwed.

27. These girls are like two snotty twins, well they are triplets as you recall.
I would have liked to dress them all up and present some cute triplet pictures.

28. But someone (Festus) had to keep screwing that up for me!
Swim shorts in January… really?
“Well what do you expect? You took my crown!”

29. So I don’t know the technical rules for a legacy, but when my sims roll their first
Lifetime Want, that’s what they get. Festus rolled Befriend 10 dogs…No way in
hell am I going to let him adopt 10 dogs, but I did give in to one.
Meet Tramp who is loyal and something else… I forgot.

30. Unsurprisingly, both Ruth and Newly roll exactly the same lifetime want. To be Creature Robot Cross Breeders.
“I want to be a robot breeder!”
“No, no, I want to be a robot breeder.”
“I said it first.”
“No I said it first, it was me.”
“You’re a liar.”
“No you’re a liar.”

31. Matt: “Technically, they are both liars. I picked that lifetime want last chapter.”
Festus: “I don’t care, you’re all stupid. I wanted to be King, but stupid EA didn’t give
that option. Lame game. Like I really want to befriend 10 dogs.”

32. Although several of my sims have the equestrian trait, it’s Ruth who really loves
horses. She gets up, she rides, she comes home from school, she rides… If left
on free will she would do nothing but ride. I love Ruth. Can you tell who my
favorite is… I’ll give you a hint. Ruth.

33. Kitty worked diligently to find a cure for her imaginary friend, but alas,
I guess they run out of time and turn into just toys…

34. *sob*… sorry Barkeep, we just weren’t fast enough.
Destined to be doll now forever.

35. As for her future desires, Miss Kitty stayed in character and went for the party girl scene.
Her lifetime want is to be rich and famous. She constantly rolls wants to throw a party. We do, but
they usually end badly.
“MY parties are great. Look, I even made a salad for my guests.”

36. Really? Well let’s examine our parties. First, there are our typical party guests.
Need I say more?

37. Most of them never figure out how to get in the door, even after multiples
invite inside.
“Wow, this party sucks. I’m going to give it a big fat zero. They made the
door too complicated.”

38. If the guests do manage to find their way inside, complete mayhem soon ensues. Of course Kitty
doesn’t help as she blocks the way to the food and stands there uselessly.
“I’m just making sure these people don’t hoard the pizza. One slice per guest.”

39. The parties are followed by schizophrenic thought bubbles.

40. Then some idiot guest always passes out in front of the food. Oh wait.
That’s Ruth. Never mind.

41. But sadly, there are those who don’t get a party at all. Like Peanut. Whose birthday
party was held in the back alley of where he works with his band,
because apparently his overseer family forgot.
“Haha, loser. Everyone forgot your birthday!”

42. “Hey, I think I got some sparkles stuck on me from the last concert.”

43. “Haha, you’re old!”
We all have that one co-worker.

44. “Well at least I’m not dressed like some homeless hobo whose life is so pathetic I thrive on the aging
of others! And you sing like a dying cat.”
Yes, I did have Peanut tell this douchebag off. Of course it will probably cost him a promotion since co-workers friends are
factored in, but screw it. He had it coming.

45. The good news is that Audra and Peanut just got a free three day vacation from the kids.
“What?! Where’s the taxi. I’m outta here!”
But it’s New Years and there are 5 teenagers in the house. Maybe you shouldn’t go.
“That’s exactly why I should go!”

46. Of course no sooner then the taxi drove away Kitty and Matt both rolled wants
to throw a teen party and trash the house.
“This time I got a buffet table so no one will get stuck.”

47. “Nooo, foiled again. The chair is so complicated!”
*rolls eyes.*

48. “I’m starving. If only there was some food inside.”
Festus, step away from the trash can!

49. Meanwhile, inside the party was taking off.
Which usually indicates something bad is about to happen.

50. I believe I have found a perfect Uglacy candidate.
Say hello to Sherri Rodger-Abreu.
“Do I have to?”

51. Jackpot! Breeding for ugly is not easy people, and
to find a prize like this in the Sims 3! Hallelujah!!!

52. “Hi, I’m Matt. Has anyone told you that you look just like an actress…
from WICKED?
Ask her if her mom is still stuck under a house?

53. “Uh oh, did I hear sirens?”

54. “So we even have a buffet inside and I can help you navigate the table…”
Paparrazi: “Hey kid, I think you got company! This is going to be great headline news!”
Yeah, cause everyone wants to read about some nobody New Years teen party.

55. “Hey kid, behind you, hee hee hee. Hate to break up your date.”

56. Cop: “Do your parents know about this party?”
Paparazzi: “No, snicker snicker, I bet his mommy and daddy don’t know.”
“Listen paparazzi trash, you need to get off this property before I arrest you for being the
annoying trespassing crap you are.”

57. Matt: “Woah, you just instantly changed your cop clothes.”
“That’s because I’m a hot cop, kid, and I have my own New Year parties to get to.”
“Aww, I thought you were a stripper.”

58. “I’m going to kill those kids, making us come back from vacation early!
If anyone parties and trashes my house, it’s going to me!”

59. “Kitty, how could you do this. We trusted you. Well actually we didn’t.
But that’s not the point!”

60. “Dad, it’s not my fault. It was all Matt’s idea!”

61. “Dad. Come on, she’s the party sim.”
“Hmm, yes well. You do have a point.”

62. “Ok, ok, fine, it was me. But I can’t help my wants. It’s who I am.
I’m not a social reject like the other kids.”

63. “Very well, I forgive you for being more popular then the rest of us. Besides, I got a surprise for
you kids for New Years while I was on vacation.”
“A new mom?”
“No, not exactly.”

64. I thought fireworks would be a great way to end this chapter.
Instead, we got fire… without the works.

65. “Oh nooo, fire, fire fire!”
Yes, fire. Under 3 feet of snow.

66. “Somebody do something!”
Peanut: “I know, I’ll call… um the maid, pet adoption… “
CALL the FIREFIGHTER!

67. By the time the firefighter arrives… and no one is dead.
Peanut fainted… again.

68. “What the hell is wrong with these legacy families!
He had three cooking points!”

69. So then I thought… the firefighter is here. We have another firework.
What could possibly go wrong?
FIRE!!!

70. “OH my gosh, fire! I’m outta here!”
What? But you’re a fire fighter! This is your JOB.

71. “Fireman Bob, where are you going?”
“FIRE! Head for the hills!”
yes, this really did happen.

72. Why it’s the hot cop lady, and she’s flying?
Ok, I’m confused. Never saw this in a sim game.

73. Kitty: “That firefighter dude ran off, and everyone else is pretty much useless.
I can’t even tell where the fire is under the snow.”
Hot flying cop: “It’s okay Kitty. Your dumb ass family is depending on you.”

74. “So I just pull the pin and aim it, right?”
“At the base of the fire, Kitty. Not your face.”

75. “Can we get another firefighter out to our house?
What do you mean we’ve meant our quota?”

76. “Well that’s it folks, I tried to create a really cool New Years
Sim party but this family just wouldn’t cooperate. So there’s
only one thing left to do…

77. Cheat!!! Happy New Years Everyone!