Twilight Sucks. And I spelled Stephenie Meyer wrong, oops. At least I can spelled humidity and apparently correctly.

1. Twilight: a literary atrocityByJames Garner

3. Weak Plot Structure

5. Poor Writing Inconsistencies “And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.”(T) “I snuggled into his stone chest.”(NM) “...when Charlie was up I made him pancakes.”(BD) A few sentences later we see: “He scowled into his cereal bowl...”

6. Redundancy The amount of times Edward is called “beautiful” or some similar adjective. (All taken from Twilight) “I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy, who was looking at his tray now, picking a bagel to pieces with long, pale fingers. His mouth was moving very quickly, his perfect lips barely opening.” “I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot.” “Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful…and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.” “It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real.” “He was smiling, relaxed - and, as usual, perfect and beautiful to an excruciating degree.” “Hesitantly, always afraid, even now, that he would disappear like a mirage, too beautiful to be real… hesitantly, I reached out one finger and stroked the back of his shimmering hand, where it lay within my reach.”

7. Redundancy “...his voice was harsher than usual. Harsh for him, still more beautiful than any human voice.” (Notice also, the reuse of the word“harsh”) “His mouth twitched up into that crooked smile so beautiful my heart nearly stopped.” “The beautiful one, the godlike one…” “There was agony in his beautiful voice again.” “His voice was beautiful, like a lullaby.” "Usually." He smiled widely, flashing a set of perfect, ultrawhite teeth.” (Note: “ultrawhite” is not a word) “I didn't want to feel what I knew I would feel when I looked at his too-perfect face.” “Again, the fabric clung to his perfectly muscled chest.” “His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes.”

8. Weak Plot Structure Breaking Dawn, final book in series has no climax Entire book is focused on the Rising Action Climax is never reached, is instead thrown away

9. Character Development Protagonist, Bella, never changes. From the beginning is very shallow No real direction in life, is moving away from home for no identifiable purpose Most of the series revolves around how beautiful Edward is Edward is given a chance to develop, yet nothing comes of it Edward believes being a vampire has damned his soul, a potential point for character development

10. Distortion of Classical Literary Vampire“Dracula vs. Edward”

11. A comparison Edward's Strengths Unknown strength limitations Potentially immortal Does not require sleep Can play piano very well Can read minds Unexplained in books Dracula's Strengths Strength of 20 men Potentially immortal Can shape shift into the form of a wolf or a bat Can appear as elemental dust or mist Has hypnotic power over victims

12. A comparison Edward's Weaknesses ~* Sparkles *~ in sunlight Subject to fits of teenage angst Dracula's Weaknesses May not enter a household unless invited in Can only sleep on soil of native land Loses powers during daylight hours Repelled by garlic or holy symbols

13. Distortion Stephanie Meyer has distorted the classic vampire into an almost indestructible force Vampires in the Twilight series have almost no weaknesses, creating a simple, shallow, and almost all-powerful character No room for character to grow

14. Why the hype?

15. ~* Edward *~ The main reason that so many people are attracted to the book is the character named Edward Edward is, according to most girls, the personification of the “perfect” guy Edward listens Edward is polite Edward is protective Edward sparkles Most importantly: Edward is HOT!

16. The Downside Edward is “perfect” In reality, no one is. Good luck, girls. Fun fact: Robert Pattinson has been asked by a pre-teen fan to bite her. What about the impression these movies and books are having on children?

17. Sources The Twilight Series, by Stephanie Meyer http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight http://www.robertandkristen.org/gallery/index.php http://www.ucs.mun.ca/~emiller/traits.html http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20239273,00.html