This dissertation examines representations of gender and sexuality struggles in LGBT literature. It analyzes James Baldwin's Giovanni's Room, Annie Proulx's short story Brokeback Mountain, Alison Bechdel's graphic memoir Fun Home, and Nick Krieger's autobiographical novel Nina Here Nor There. The introduction discusses concepts of masculinity and how homosexuality challenges traditional views of masculinity. Chapter 1 compares Giovanni's Room and Brokeback Mountain, showing how the gay male protagonists struggle with internalized homophobia and an inability to achieve a traditional masculine identity due to their sexuality. Chapter 2 examines suppression through the lens of Fun Home. Chapter 3 discusses gender and masculinity from a transgender perspective through Nina Here Nor There

1. UNIVERSITY OF ROEHAMPTON
The Quest for Masculinity
Representations in LGBT Literature of Gender
and Sexuality Struggles
Hasan Beyaz
Supervisor – Martin Priestman

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Student Name: Hasan Beyaz
Student Number: BEY12339190
Module Title: Dissertation
Assessment title: The Quest for Masculinity: Representations in LGBT Literature of Gender
and Sexuality Struggles
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Contents
Introduction .................................................................................................................................3
Chapter 1 – Masculinity and Homosexuality within Giovanni’s Room and Brokeback Mountain........ 5
Chapter 2 – Suppression from a Graphic Narrative Perspective (Fun Home)................................... 14
Chapter 3 - Gender and Masculinity from a Transgender (FTM) Perspective (Nina Here Nor There)18
Conclusion................................................................................................................................. 22
Works Cited............................................................................................................................... 22

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Introduction
Masculinity is a concept which does not seem to have one pure definition. For many (male)
feminists, it is a combination of multiple traits, which then make up a general sense of what
masculinity ‘should’ be. Jack Sawyer explains how “society generally teaches men they should
dominate” (25) and how, typically, men “are not permitted” to openly show emotions, resulting in
an inability to “freely cry, be gentle, [or] show weakness” (26). This is because “these are
‘feminine’, not ‘masculine’ [traits]” (Sawyer 26). For John Stoltenberg, “the cultural norm of
human identity is, by definition, male identity”, with this male identity consisting of “power,
prestige, privilege, and prerogative as over and against the gender class women… [masculinity]
isn’t something else” (41). The Men’s Free Press Collective are more specific, detailing how
masculinity leads males to be “brought up to be powerful, aggressive, competitive and tough or
manipulative; and not to show our feelings - particularly of weakness [since] we learn to endure
pain” and, perhaps quite radically, that if men “crack up we tend to kill ourselves [or] commit
suicide” (83). Simply put, “to be human and to be a man are considered one and the same thing”
(Reynaud 139) according to the Old Testament account of Creation. Being a man means “not being
like women” (Kimmel 185) - masculinity is “what men ought to be” (Connell 70).
How, then, does homosexuality fit within these socially constructed ideas of masculinity?
Since “masculinity… is irrevocably tied to sexuality” (Kimmel 185), and male life typically
“focuses on success with women” (Pleck 62), it can bleakly be asserted that, in our society, “‘real’
men are intrinsically heterosexual” so “gay men, therefore, are not real men” (Kinsman 166). This
is because gay men are often “construed asa threat” (Stoltenberg 44) because, for many individua ls,
they defy “the assumption of ‘natural’ heterosexuality upon which so much patriarchal power is
based” (Men’s Free Press Collective 87). Homosexuality further “threatens man’s power” because
“it represents the risk for him of being sexually appropriated” (Reynaud 146). As we currently live
in a patriarchal society, and since “there is the implication that one [homosexual man] gets fucked
as a woman” (Stoltenberg 45), “the possibility of [one man] being used as a sexual object by

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[another] man usually causes him great anxiety” (Reynaud 146). This anxiety is purely due to the
sad fact that “under patriarchy women represent the lowest status” (Pleck 64).
Unfortunately, this breeds homophobia in our society. Homophobia is typically defined as
a fear of homosexuals, or a “fear of being perceived as gay, as not a real man” (Kimmel 191).
Kimmel expands that homophobia is also “the fear that other men will unmask us, emasculate us,
reveal to us and the world that we do not measure up, that we are not real men” (189). As a result
of homophobia and being raised in a “so profoundly heterosexist” society, “many gays have
internalized the social hatred against us in forms of ‘self-oppression’ [and] this fear keeps many of
us isolated and silent, hiding our sexuality” (Kinsman 169).
LGBT1
literature has arisen as a response to these social injustices. It is literature for us and
(most often) by us. The aim of this dissertation is to examine representations of gender and sexuality
struggles in LGBT literature in relation to these ideas of masculinity. The chosen texts, James
Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room, Annie Proulx’s short story Brokeback Mountain, Alison Bechdel’s
graphic memoir Fun Home and Nick Krieger’s autobiographical novel Nina Here Nor There
encapsulate suppression in terms of gender and sexuality. These texts all show how revered
masculinity is within our society. All of the protagonists in some way have their eyes on achieving
the prize of traditional masculinity. Consequently, what these texts also explore are the horrible
effects of forcing gender identity on LGBT people. There are self-hating characters, such as
Giovanni’sRoom’s David and Bechdel’s father from Fun Home, and there is also a common feeling
of shame amongst many of the homosexual male protagonists. These tales are all told from different
points in time, and use different types of narrative form. They are therefore universal tales, with
the chronological gap between Baldwin’s text and Krieger’s text showing how LGBT people have
been marginalised for a long time, and are still facing adversaries just for simply being themselves.
1 Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender+

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Chapter 1 – Masculinity and Homosexuality within Giovanni’s Room
and Brokeback Mountain
It is useful to compare both Giovanni’s Room and Brokeback Mountain in relation to those
musings on, and connections between, masculinity, homosexuality, and homophobia detailed
within the introduction. These themes and ideas are exceptionally alive in Giovanni’s Room
and Brokeback Mountain. Baldwin and Proulx present to us literary explorations of self-
loathing and fears internalised within their gay male characters. These characters feel they are
unable to live up to these preconceived notions of what it means to be a man, simply because
they are homosexuals. This comes in the form of the characters rejecting their homosexual
identity, which, consequently, has a profoundly negative impact on their relationships with
others, and themselves. David from Giovanni’s Room also exhibits homophobic tendencies
towards effeminate men, or ‘fairies’, as these men challenge his ideas of gender and bring him
into direct contact with his own sexuality. These struggles are linked to the fact that, for them,
to be homosexual is wrong and consequently challenges their masculinity. Or, more precisely,
it challenges what they think masculinity should be.
Firstly, we should look at society in relation to gay men during the period in which
Baldwin was writing Giovanni’s Room and Proulx has based hers. Baldwin has based his
during 1950s American and Parisian times, whereas Proulx’s text is set in 1960s Wyoming.
These texts are set not long after the Third Reich, where there were “countless profoundly
sexually repressive tendencies” such as “the torture and murder of homosexuals” (Herzog 165).
This aggressive criminalisation and stigmatisation of homosexuality carried over into the
following decades. Homosexuality was thought of as a “social plague” (Haggerty 340) after
the war, with this “social oppression of nonheterosexuals [reaching] its zenith during the
McCarthy era of the early 1950s when homosexuals, along with communists, were the targets
of pernicious witch hunts” (Ritter and Terndrup 29). Furthermore, homosexuality “was

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officially classified as a mental illness” in 1952 (Ritter and Terndrup 29). This reasoning was
“based on theoretical considerations that presumed that homosexuality was a bad outcome and,
therefore, there must be a pathological origin for it” (Krajeski 555). Additionally, “these were
the days not only of the Red Scare but of the ‘Lavender Scare,’ when McCarthyite forces sought
to expose and ferret out gays in government and other areas of influence where they might be
loyalty and security risks” (Seldes 68). This resulted in “a moral panic and purge of
homosexuals similar to the anti-Communist inquisition” (Anderson 230). Every single US state
as of 1960 had implemented an ‘anti-sodomy’ law, and it was not until the gay liberation
movements of 1969, sparked by the Stonewall riots, that “gay and lesbian activists organized
and mobilized their own movement to end the social, political, and cultural oppression of
homosexuals” (Haggerty and Zimmerman 2). There was, however, a glimmer of hope for
homosexuals during this time. The city of Paris was thought of as “a 'queer' metropolis [among]
many men and women, who hoped to find, in the capital of pleasures, the possibility to live a
life true to their desires” (Cook and Evans 240). Gay Americans, such as Baldwin, flocked to
Paris, out of desperation, to escape the hostility and persecutions they experienced in their
homeland. Regarding Brokeback Mountain, Proulx herself “explained that the stories were
designed to be ‘a backhand swipe at the mythology of the West – the old beliefs that aren’t
really true, like the idea that there are no homosexuals in Wyoming’” (Asquith 103). What we
can gather from this is that Baldwin is embodying real fears, faced by gay American men during
this time, with the character of David. Proulx is using the essential illegality of homosexuality
in 1960s America to demonstrate why her characters are so afraid to admit who they are. Using
this information, we can see David’s self-hatred and Jack’s fear of homosexuality on a new
level.
At a young age, David overhears his father, “in a voice which frightened [him]”, declare
that all he wants is for David to “grow up to be a man” (Baldwin 15). Importantly, David admits

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that after he overheard this, he “despised” his father (Baldwin 15). Perhaps these despicable
feelings come from the fact that David, as a homosexual, cannot live up to these expectations
his father has of him. This is exacerbated by the way his father constantly reminds David,
“you’re all I’ve got” (Baldwin 18). As a result, there is a pressure for David to grow up into
the ‘man’ his father wants him to be. David also remembers how “the vision [he] gave [his]
father of [his] life was exactly the vision in which [he himself] most desperately needed to
believe” (Baldwin 19). David’s fear is that he is not a real man because, as we know already,
our society believes that “‘real’ men are intrinsically heterosexual” so “gay men, therefore, are
not real men” (Kinsman 166). It is these realisations which lead David onto his path of self-
loathing.
David is initially slightly ambiguous towards his sexuality. He admits that he “had
loved [his wife, Hella] once”, but he had to make himself “believe it” (Baldwin 5). Baldwin’s
usage of ‘made’ and ‘believe it’ spotlights to us how David has forced himself to try to love
and marry a woman, therefore indicating to us his desperation for a heteronormative life. David
also explains to us how after his first sexual experience with a male, his friend Joey, he “had
decided that [he] never would again” (Baldwin 5). This makes homosexuality sound as though
it is something forbidden for David. Immediately, within the first few pages, we are drawn to
the fact that David longs to just forget about his experience. We can use this moment to
highlight the way he attempts to deny his sexuality, despite “how good [he] felt that night”
(Baldwin 7). We can trace David’s self-loathing and internalised hatred to this experience.
David remembers how, after this, his “own body suddenly seemed gross and crushing and the
desire which was rising in [him] seemed monstrous” (Baldwin 8). By referring to his desire as
‘monstrous’ Baldwin is saying that David’s homosexual desires are inhumane and also
frightening. Also, the combination of negative physical and emotional descriptions depicts how
David’s self-loathing is both; his hatred utterly embodies him inside and out. Furthermore, the

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lack of commas from Baldwin here creates a sense of breathlessness when reading. We can
really feel David’s tensions and anxieties rise as he relives these, arguably quite traumatic,
memories back. The fact that David has “never for an instant truly forgotten” this moment
(Baldwin 7) shows how his homosexuality never leaves him, as it is a part of him. Because
“Joey is a boy”, this causes David to feel “ashamed” and “afraid” (Baldwin 9). He “cried for
shame and terror, cried for not understanding how this could have happened to [him], how this
could have happened in [him]” (Baldwin 9). Baldwin effectively uses italics here to emphasize
the sheer puzzlement and disgust David is feeling. Interestingly, David becomes “very nasty to
Joey” (Baldwin 9) after this. Perhaps David is vicariously trying to punish himself through
Joey. It is also this experience which causes David to “be lonely” (Baldwin 9) and start him on
his ill-fated escapist trip to Paris. While David believes he will be able to escape himself, he is
faced with the opposite and forced to realise who he is. By opening the novel as it ends,
however, we can already imagine that this is not going to happen.
When David meets Giovanni for the first time, he wants it to be clear that there should
be no confusion about “the one who’s lusting for [Giovanni’s] body” because David, quite
peculiarly, argues he is “queer for girls” (Baldwin 30). However, it is obvious to “everyone in
the bar… how beautifully [David] and the barman have hit it off” (Baldwin 40). This moment
indicates to us how David is in denial about himself. While it is perhaps obnoxious of us to
assume David’s sexuality for him, the fact that he and Giovanni have connected so ‘beautifully’
shows that there is something romantic between them. The usage of ‘beautifully’ should
encourage David to feel comfortable about what is happening, but it instead causes him to want
to “do something to [Jacques’] cheerful, hideous, worldly face which would make it impossible
for him ever again to smile at anyone the way he was smiling at [David]” (Baldwin 40). This
quite belligerent description is our way of being shown David’s desperate desire to deny his
sexuality.

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As the relationship between David and Giovanni blossoms, David holds back. He wants
to have “this whole thing ‘out’ with Giovanni… to tell him that [Giovanni] had made a mistake
but that [they] could still be friends” (Baldwin 46). This inward conservatism to connect is
obvious to everyone, and it is Jacques who tells David, “with vehemence”, he must “love
[Giovanni] and let him love you” (Baldwin 57). He also emphasizes to David that he must “not
be ashamed [and] not play it safe” otherwise he will “end up trapped in [his] own dirty body,
forever and forever and forever” (Baldwin 57). Again the italics here really emphasize the
intensity of the situation, as does the repetition of ‘forever’. This does not however stop David
from holding back, as he later proclaims “for shame! For shame! that [he] should be… so
hideously entangled with a boy” (Baldwin 62). The description of their relationship as
‘entangled’ suggests that it is a messy situation, and portrays an image of darkness. Similarly
to his time with Joey, David feels “sorrow and shame and panic and great bitterness” with
Giovanni (Baldwin 83). Because of “the beast which Giovanni had awakened in [him]”, David
develops “a hatred for Giovanni which was as powerful as [his] love and which was nourished
by the same roots” (Baldwin 84). What this does is demonstrate the effect David’s self-loathing
is having on the way he relates to Giovanni. The usage of ‘beast’ dehumanises their love, and
makes it seem as though it is something ugly and dangerous. Because he deems what they are
doing to be wrong, he tries to stop feelings from budding by nipping them at the ‘roots’.
However, this usage of ‘roots’ symbolises how David’s feelings are (unwillingly) natural for
him, and no matter how hard he tries to resist, he will ultimately fail because his feelings
naturally grow within him. His homosexuality is rooted within him.
David’s self-loathing climaxes within Giovanni’s room, as this titular room “serves to
represent metaphorically David’s homosexuality” (Williams 30). The room is described as
“very dirty” and that “all of the garbage of this city… might very well be [the] room” (Baldwin
86-7). It is full of “yellowing newspapers and empty bottles” (Baldwin 87). Most interestingly,

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the room is covered in “boxes”, which sit “before and beside” David (Baldwin 87). As Kemp
Williams explains, “David considers Giovanni’s room filthy and hideous because he considers
his own inner nature, his own undeniable homosexuality, in the same way” (31). David equates
himself with the room, describing how he himself is “a part of Giovanni’s room” (Baldwin 87).
Because of this, we can argue that the boxes serve as a metaphorical representation of the many
aspects of David that remain ‘unpacked’ or hidden. However these aspects are largely
‘unpacked’, and remain that way. This imagery is repeated again by the fact that “Giovanni
had obscured the window panes with a heavy, white cleaning polish” (Baldwin 85). Their
relationship climaxes within a room which is heavily obscured from public view, adding to the
idea that homosexual love is forbidden. The fact that David is in the company of ‘all of the
garbage of this city’ suggests that David feels he himself is garbage. As this is his lover
Giovanni’s room, we can assume that this feeling is tied with his sexuality. What is also quite
intriguing about the room is how Giovanni “had always had great plans for remodelling this
room” (Baldwin 85). With this description, we are presented with an image of incompletion
and unfinishedness, and the idea of what the room ‘could have been’. If we are taking the room
to be an extended metaphor for David himself and his relationship with this homosexuality,
what would happen if David were able to finish ‘remodelling’?
Based on what we know about masculinity itself and amongst homosexual men, we can
see a connection between David’s rejection of his sexuality and his relationships with
effeminate men. David is extremely hateful and aggressive towards the effeminate gay
characters within Giovanni’s Room. David refers to men who “always called each other she”
as “them” (Baldwin 26). This dismissive attitude towards gay men who do not identify as male
exhibits how lowly he thinks of effeminate men. They are not even human and his pure disgust
is evident in the italicising of the ambiguous pronoun ‘them’. This dehumanisation is carried
on when David remarks that a boy “who came out at night wearing makeup and earrings”

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(Baldwin 26) makes him “uneasy” due to his “utter grotesqueness… perhaps in the same way
that the sight of monkeys eating their own excrement turns some people’s stomachs” (Baldwin
27). This is in spite of the fact that “people said that he was very nice” (Baldwin 27). This
imagery is utterly uncomfortable, and accentuates how disgusting effeminate men are for
David. David later has another encounter with an effeminate man, who attempts to warn David
that Giovanni is “dangerous” for “a boy like [him]” (Baldwin 39). David’s response is
immensely irascible, ordering the “princess”-like man (Baldwin 40) to “go to hell” (Baldwin
39). He also says “Va te faire foutre” (Baldwin 40), which is French for ‘fuck you’ and is
considered one of the most vulgar forms of dismissal in French. David behaves like this
because these men challenge David’s ideas of gender. As mentioned in the introduction,
contempt for women is one of the ultimate ways for a man to assert his masculinity. Also, he
may be connecting these effeminate and gender non-conforming men to homosexuality which,
as a homosexual himself, makes it more difficult for him to accept, due to his father’s desire
for him to ‘be a man’.
The theme of incomplete and destructive relationships also appears in Brokeback
Mountain. While Proulx herself asserts that “this is not a story about ‘gay cowboys’, but ‘a
story of destructive rural homophobia’” (Asquith 78), the cowboy aspect of the narrative plays
a major part. This is because the cowboy is an ultimate icon and “the archetype of masculinity”
(Asquith 83). So, by making her cowboy characters gay, Proulx is challenging all of the ideas
about masculinity that were previously explored in the introduction. Bleakly, Proulx’s
characters too develop an ill-fated relationship, which falls apart due to this very dichotomy.
One way Proulx does this is by presenting their relationship as quite natural. They spent
many nights together “swapping the bottle while the lavender sky emptied of color” (Proulx
207) as a way of getting to know each other. The lavender coloured sky represents the fact that
they are living among the ‘Lavender scare’ period. It is not long after this that Ennis has “hauled

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Jack onto all fours and, with the help of the clear slick and a little spit, entered him” (Proulx
208). Importantly it is described how, while this was “nothing he’d done before”, there was
“no instruction manual needed” (Proulx 208). The lack of ‘instruction manual’ highlights how
natural it feels for them. However, this is instantly inverted by the imagery that they “went at
it in silence except for a few sharp intakes of breath” (Proulx 208). We are then told that they
“never talked about the sex” (Proulx 208). The silence during this pivotal moment between
them embodies their relationship. It is a relationship characterised by silence and unfulfillment,
things that could have been.
Denial between the two of them is carried out throughout the narrative by Proulx’s
persistent usage of “friend” (211, 214, 215, 216, 223). By continuously referring to each other
as ‘friend’, it is as if they are trying to convince themselves that they really are nothing more
than simply friends. This is an icon of their suppression and desire to hide their relationship,
from themselves and from society. There is safety for them by masking their relationship as a
friendship. After their first sexual experience together, the two of them are “saying not a
goddamn word” until Ennis announces he is “not no queer”, to which “Jack jumped in with
‘Me neither. A one-shot thing. Nobody’s business but ours’” (Proulx 208). They only break
this silence to heavily denounce their sexuality. The most interesting part of this moment is the
way Proulx has included a double negative in Ennis’ declaration of being ‘not no queer’. The
double negative in trying to deny his sexuality implies that actually, he is queer and yet it also
“indicates a confused lack of acceptance” (Asquith 88). This is continued when Ennis declares
he knows he “ain’t [gay]” because they “both got wives and kids”, yet instantly admitting that
there “ain’t nothin like this” (Proulx 214). This is an indication that Ennis is more in denial
than Jack about his sexuality. Also, the question of “we both got wives and kids, right?” (Proulx
215) suggests that Ennis is unsure that having a wife and kids really is ‘right’ for him and he is
trying to reassure himself.

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During intimate scenes between the two, Jack is always the one telling Ennis about his
hopes and dreams for the two of them together. Jack explains how he has “got it figured, got
this plan, Ennis, how we can do it, you and me” to which Ennis replies “we can’t” (Proulx
216). Jack also longs for them to “go south” or “go to Mexico one day” (Proulx 223). This
inability for Ennis to commit is linked to the homophobic violence he witnessed as a child,
which his Dad made sure he saw. The corpse he saw “looked like pieces a burned tomatoes all
over him, nose tore down from skiddin on gravel” (Proulx 216). Therefore, homophobia is
instilled in Ennis from a young age. This graphic imagery mentally scars Ennis and explains
why they always meet in secret, low-key places “ever four fuckin years” (Proulx 217). Even in
death, Jack’s desires go unfulfilled. He wanted to have his “ashes scattered on Brokeback
Mountain” but this does not happen. As Jack’s wife explains, “knowing Jack, it might be some
pretend place” (Proulx 226). By describing Brokeback as a ‘pretend place’, there is a deeper
insinuation that the relationship between Jack and Ennis was also pretend, because it is where
they met. In a way, it was. As Proulx writes, between them “nothing ended, nothing begun,
nothing resolved” (224).
What both novels do is depict homosexual relationships as ill-fated or destined for
disaster. Giovanni’s Room “is tragic because the main character has never learned to love”
(Williams 32), and Brokeback Mountain is also tragic because one of the main characters is
assumably beaten to death, causing an untimely end to their love. This vividly depicts to us the
dangers that are faced by homosexuals, simply for loving who they love. Both tales are
harrowing enough to leave us with the question - why? Why must LGBT people suffer in this
way? The narratives, while exploring these fears, attempt to normalise homosexual love and
serve to say that we should, as a society, allow love to be simply that - love.

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Chapter 2 – Suppression from a Graphic Narrative Perspective (Fun
Home)
Sexuality struggles among homosexual men do not just affect the way they connect with lovers.
As Alison Bechdel’s graphic narrative memoir Fun Home shows, this struggle can also impact
on the ways a father connects with his family. Bechdel’s case in particular portrays the
distances created between father and daughter, despite the fact the two of them are so very
alike. The memoir also explores how, for some closet LGBT people, death can be their only
escape.
Scott McCloud’s comparisons between written and visual information offers an
explanation as to why Bechdel may have chosen to tell her story through images, rather than a
‘traditional’ novel. McCloud explains that writing is “perceived information [and] it takes time
and specialized knowledge to decode the abstract symbols of language”, whereas pictures are
“received information” and have an “instantaneous” effect on readers (McCloud 49). Pictures
can also “evoke an emotional or sensual response in the viewer” (McCloud 121), as opposed
to words which “lack the immediate emotional charge of pictures, relying instead on a gradual
cumulative effect” (McCloud 135). This instantaneous effect of pictures on readers is useful
for a story as personal as Bechdel’s, as it means her realities impact upon readers quicker and
with a greater effect than if she used words alone. The visual element makes her story easier to
relate to and also empathise with, because “characters' emotions [are] presented through facial
expression and gestures” (Serafini 111). The result of this is that we see her story and do not
just read it.
The opening page immediately places us within the discomforts of Bechdel’s
relationship with her father. They are playing an “airplane” game which causes Bechdel to soar
at a “perfect balance” with her father (3). The two of them are depicted as being parallel to
each other in the bottom panel of the page, not quite meeting at eye level. There is also a strong

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sense of silence between the two of them. This is meant to be a game, yet the only noise comes
from Bechdel’s “oof!” as she balances her stomach on her father’s feet. The panels here also
show Bechdel’s father with very blank facial expressions, and he does not seem to be enjoying
this game with his daughter. This opening is a symbolisation for the relationship between the
two of them. Throughout the rest of Bechdel’s memoir, her and her father experience a
relationship characterised by silences like this, where they do not quite ‘meet’ despite how
perfectly ‘balanced’ they are. Bechdel’s comparison of her father to “Daedalus” (6) indicates
how highly she thinks of her father, to view him as the renowned Greek inventor of wings. On
a deeper level however, it shows how her father is nothing more than a large myth to her.
Bechdel’s father was obsessed with historical restoration; it “was his passion” Bechdel
remembers (7). Over the next “eighteen years” her father restored their Gothic house “to its
original condition, and then some” (Bechdel 8). He “could spin garbage into gold” (Bechdel 6)
and “manipulate flagstones that weighed half a ton” (Bechdel 10). However, Bechdel states
that her father “used his skillful artifice not to make things, but to make things appear to be
what they were not” (16). In other words, her father is an expert at masking things. His
obsession with restoration is therefore metaphorically serving to show the way he tries to hide
his sexuality, and give society the illusion that he is heterosexual. Bechdel also explains how
she “grew to resent the way [her] father treated his furniture like children, and his children like
furniture” (14), which consequently connects this passion of his to his family. Furthermore,
Bechdel recognises how “his shame inhabited our house as pervasively and invisibly as the
aromatic musk of aging mahogany” (20). This idea of her father wanting to prettify things is
accentuated by the fact that he “worked… in the embalming room” (43) of the “Bechdel funeral
home” (50). This creates the image of her father trying to bury things - such as his sexuality.
Bechdel’s father represses his sexuality by living out a heteronormal life. His
“arrangement with [her] mother was more cooperative” and “sometimes, when things were

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going well,” she believed her father “actually enjoyed having a family [because of] the air of
authenticity we lent to his exhibit” (Bechdel 13). By living this way, with a wife and kids,
Bechdel’s father hopes to eliminate any suspicions around his sexuality, much like Ennis and
Jack do. However, Bechdel importantly notes that “it was like being raised not by Jimmy but
by Martha Stewart” (13). Martha Stewart is considered in the US to be the “modern diva of
domesticity” (O'Neill 569). By equating her father with such a figure, it eliminates the
masculine image he believes he has created. Her father attempts to hide his sexuality, but it is
painfully obvious he is a “manic-depressive, closeted fag” (Bechdel 125). He secretly develops
relations with “other men” such as “Roy, [their] baby-sitter” (Bechdel 79). Bechdel’s depiction
of when she discovers her father’s secret sexual photographs of Roy are over a double page
spread (100-101). This immensely sized panel graphically represents the way her father’s
sexuality was extremely apparent for everyone to see, except himself. Bechdel’s father also
tries to live vicariously through her by forcing her to have pink flowered wallpaper, despite the
fact that she declares “I hate pink! I hate flowers!” to which her father responds, “tough titty”
(Bechdel 7). This reaction shows he his forcing Bechdel to have the things that he wants her to
have. He also makes her wear a “stupid skirt” (Bechdel 98) and “pearls” (Bechdel 99), even
though the image of a “truck-driving bulldyke” (Bechdel 119) creates a “surge of joy” (Bechdel
118) within her. Her father is imposing gender normativity on her, perhaps as a way to rectify
the fact he is not gender normative himself by being a homosexual. As his taste in literature
shows, he sees himself as “not just lost but ruined, undone, wasted, wrecked, and spoiled”
(Bechdel 119), and simply “bad” (Bechdel 153).
Although she has no concrete evidence, Bechdel strongly believes that her father’s
death was not accidental. It was “quite possibly his consummate artifice, his masterstroke”
(Bechdel 27). We already know that her father is not at peace with himself, as she recalls how
“an idle remark about [her] father’s tie over breakfast could send him into a tailspin” (Bechdel

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18). Quite notably, the tie in question is one embellished with the peace symbol. In the next
panel, her father has quickly gone (represented visually by his foot out the door, and a puff of
smoke to symbolise speedy movement) to change the tie. This removal of the tie could be
interpreted as Bechdel representing that there is no inner peace within him. Suicide can be seen
as an escape for men if they “crack up” (Men’s Free Press Collective 83). Because “the stakes
of perceived sissydom are enormous - sometimes matters of life and death” (Kimmel 191) we
can tie suicide and this escape together. Events leading up to his death suggest that it is linked
to sexuality. Her mother wants a divorce two weeks before his death, as she “can’t stand it
anymore” (Bechdel 217). The fact that she wants a divorce means that her father’s
heteronormative life is effectively over. Consequently, he will have to face who he really is. It
is also at this point that he begins opening up to Bechdel about his sexuality, explaining that
his first homosexual experiences were at “fourteen” (220) and that he would “dress up in girls’
clothes” (221). Notably, they are then denied entrance to a gay bar together, a “notorious local
nightspot” (Bechdel 223). The denied entrance symbolises the way her father is still, in some
way, hesitant of and rejecting his sexuality. Although Bechdel cannot say for sure that his
sexuality caused his death, there is most certainly a strong link between the two.
What is saddest about Fun Home is that, like David, Bechdel’s father cannot truly love
as his sexuality causes him to disconnect. Also, the implications of homosexuality being
immoral have devastating effects on families. Strangely, two days before her father’s death,
Bechdel recalls a dream in which she calls her father to view a “glorious sunset” (123). When
her father “finally got there” he had already missed the “brilliant colors”, causing Bechdel to
proclaim he “missed it! God, it was beautiful!” (123). This acts as a metaphor for relationships
with sexualities. If we deny our “erotic truth” (Bechdel 230) and treat our sexuality like a
“minotaur in the labyrinth” or “design failure” (Bechdel 12), we will miss our entire lives.
Because, after all, “escape [from ourselves is] impossible” (Bechdel 12).

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Chapter 3 - Gender and Masculinity from a Transgender (FTM2)
Perspective (Nina Here Nor There)
We have explored the ways in which masculinity affects gay men. If unreached, it can cause
them to become self-loathing and self-destructive, disconnecting from everyone around them
or potentially even committing suicide. Despite these dangers of masculinity, it is still
something desirable among many of the characters in Nina Here Nor There, the
autobiographical novel from Nick Krieger. Leslie Feinberg explains how “woman and man,
feminine and masculine, are almost the only words that exist in the English language to describe
all the vicissitudes of bodies and styles of expression” (ix). Krieger’s novel is interested in
exploring those people who fall in between these two words. The novel shows that gender is a
complete and utter social construction. The fact that some women can embody masculinity as
‘well’ as some men can, therefore means that masculinity cannot be limited to men. Through
Nina’s narration, Krieger indirectly shows that masculinity is not something men are born with
naturally, it is something that they acquire through socialisation. As Krieger demonstrates,
women too can acquire masculinity.
The book raises the question - what is a man? Society for so long has told us that a man
is someone who has a penis and is masculine. So then the opposite of this is a woman, as a
woman does not have a penis and is feminine. Gender simply amounts to biology. But what
about the women in the book who exude masculinity but do not have a penis - where does this
place them on the “gender spectrum” (Krieger 23)?
Firstly, it is important to recognise that, while many of Krieger’s lesbian characters
aspire towards masculinity, not all lesbians do. Nina’s initial close friends are those she calls
her “A-gays” (Krieger 1). They are her “coupled-off monogamous friends… who wouldn’t
dare hit the beach without their most flattering bikinis, their bodies waxed and shaved” (Krieger
2 Female to Male

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8). Most notably, her A-gays “were all unmistakably women” (Krieger 9). This description
indicates that, despite their sexuality, they strive for a life dictated by heteronormativity and
blending in “with the rest of society” (Krieger 9). But for Nina and many other characters, this
is not a lifestyle that is suited to them.
Traits of masculinity inhabit Nina. Nina sees herself “most clearly in the brothers
outside, in [her] own brother” (Krieger 49), “men at the gym and on the street” as well as “other
boyish dykes” (Krieger 41). She finds attraction in “straight girls” (Krieger 4) and goes to
parties with her friend Zippy to check out “hot girls” (Krieger 5). In the men’s bathroom, the
“urinal wasn’t that hard to use” for her (Krieger 13). Along with her transgender friends Jack
and Greg, she tags along on a trip to “Hooters” (Krieger 86), the infamous and self-described
‘breastaurant’ which heavily relies on female sex appeal. Furthermore, on several occasions
Nina and friends enjoy several beers, sometimes in dive bars with a “familiar smell of stale
beer and sweat socks” (Krieger 64). A combination of all of these images creates a strong sense
of masculinity. It highlights the different ways Nina and her friends incorporate masculinity
into their identities. This is elevated to new heights once Nina and others begin making changes
to their physical appearance.
The ultimate icon for masculinity is the penis. The penis is “central to cultural concepts
of masculinity [and] is ‘proof’ of masculinity” (Kibby and Costello 224). Also, “in a patriarchal
society those with power generally have a penis, and the penis has become the object in which
notions of power are grounded” (Kibby and Costello 224). Kibby and Costello assert that
keeping the penis “hidden from view maintains the mythology of masculine strength and
power” (224). These ideas are realised at several points during Nina’s narrative, most
importantly her experiences with ‘packers’3. Although the packer is “an inanimate showpiece”
(Krieger 66), it symbolises much more than that. Nina comments that “there was something
3 A phallic object worn in underwear to give the illusion of having a penis.

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both erotic and personal about the way Bec clutched his dick, as if he had a relationship to it,
as if it were really truly his” (Krieger 66) and that by “moving [it] with so much control and
ease, it seemed attached to his body” (Krieger 65). The fact that Bec is displaying his packer
in public shatters the ‘mythology of masculine strength and power’ - Bec wants everyone
around him to know he now technically has this. This is the ultimate expression for their
masculine desires, alongside having a flat chest. Jess explains how “the chest is one of the first
places people look to for gender” (Krieger 39). Nina first achieves her flat chest through the
tremendously uncomfortable chest binder. Nina states that she is “lucky [she] didn’t dislocate
[her] shoulder” fitting into her chest binder (Krieger 39). Although this is perhaps hyperbolic,
it exemplifies the physical discomforts Nina will endure to live out her masculine desires. Even
more extreme than this is the ‘top’ surgery (removal of the breasts) that many characters, and
eventually Nina, seek. The surgery costs “about eight grand” (Krieger 14) and is undertaken as
a way to physically become “fit, flat chested, muscular” (Krieger 41). For Nina, it is
“cosmetic”, “had nothing to do with transitioning” and is “straight-up vanity” - “being a man
didn’t appeal” to Nina (Krieger 41). Although it is painful and expensive, the surgery is “about
identity” (Krieger 41) and, even though it causes “war-wound-size scars” (Krieger 42), Nina
“looked best and felt most confident when flat chested” (Krieger 38). What these actions show
are the extremities Nina will go to to embody masculinity. This is because in society
masculinity is something tremendously attractive, desirable and, with the help of binders and
surgery, attainable. It is achieved not easily though, and it is a long and physically painful
journey. But it is worth it to become masculine, as masculinity is where the power is. As Nina
explains, “asking whether a woman would be happier as a guy was one of those dumb
questions”, comparing it to questions “like what would you do if a genie emerged from a bottle
and granted you three wishes, or what super power would you most like to have” (Krieger 11).
They want everything that comes with masculinity and being a man, but do not necessarily

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want to be men - it is masculinity itself that is aspirational. Being a man simply “didn’t appeal”
to Nina, and, as Jess asks, “why couldn’t [they] just be flat-chested dyke[s]” (Krieger 41)?
The fact that these biological women can so naturally embody masculinity shows that
masculinity is a social construction. Judith Halberstam specifies how “it is crucial to recognize
that masculinity does not belong to men, has not been produced only by men, and does not
properly express male heterosexuality” (241). She also indicates that “it is inaccurate and
indeed regressive to make masculinity into a general term for behaviour associated with males”
(241). This is because “what we call ‘masculinity’ has also been produced by masculine
women, gender deviants, and often lesbians” (Halberstam 241). Nina Here Nor There shows
this to be incredibly true, and proves Sarah Murray’s point that women “don’t feel free to play
with the masculine” (360) to be exceptionally incorrect.
Krieger’s tale strongly blurs the lines between gender and masculinity to the point
where only one question is left at the end of it all - what is gender? A series of norms, values
and words we are expected to follow? This abundance of questioning and desperation to find a
definition for it shows that it is a social construct. Even though gender “is so well assimilated
that to question it would be to run the risk of being confronted with a vacuum - ‘If I am not a
man [or woman], what am I? Who am I?’” (Reynaud 137), there should be no need to enforce
gender on people. Because to deny who we naturally are, to become what we ‘must’, often has
dire consequences. Such is the case when Nina explains how “underneath [her] eagerness to
learn from The Boys, there was a depth of alarm, fear that if [she] was really like them, [she]
was better off dead” (Krieger 182). Despite this, Krieger reminds us a person cannot “be a
pronoun”. A person should be free to self-identify “as man, woman, or something else entirely”
(Krieger 12) because gender is a “kaleidoscope” that you can “spin and spin and spin” (Krieger
198).

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Conclusion
After closely looking at these four texts, masculinity appears to be the root cause of the issues
pertaining to the protagonists. For David, masculinity means his sexuality is a problem. This is
the same for Jack and Ennis, to the point where it leads to Jack’s death. In the same way, Alison
Bechdel’s father’s death is also linked to his sexuality struggles. These four characters often
refer to themselves in self-derogatory ways. Consequently, this also seems to impact on their
lives, which are, in one way or another, unfulfilled. But with Nina, we see a slight change.
Nina’s eventual achievement of masculinity leads to her finding peace with herself, which we
do not see in any of the other texts.
One other motif is also painfully apparent across these texts. No matter what, femininity
is most certainly not ideal for these characters. It is undesired, unwelcomed, and, specifically
within the male characters, shameful. Even for the women of Nina Here Nor There, the
imposition for them to ‘be’ feminine, simply because they were assigned the female gender at
birth, is something quite uncomfortable and leads to gender identity issues. This is a
consequence of patriarchy, where ‘female’ is synonymous with ‘subordinate’. Across all
‘genders’ of these texts, masculinity is the ultimate aspiration and, at all costs, must be
achieved. It is, quite simply, a matter of life or death.
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