The document contains a creative writing piece by Rosie describing a hawk swooping over water. It uses metaphors and similes to describe the hawk's wings spread wide as if admiring the observer, its body as white as snow skimming the icy water. The brown feathers on its powerful legs quiver in the wind, making the moment magical. The observer is transfixed by the beautiful animal, which looks like a painting but for the realistic water ripples and hint of determination in its eyes. The feedback praises Rosie's vocabulary and opening paragraph but suggests making the ending as powerful as the beginning.

1. Creative Writing 15/06/10
Planning:
I will need to include:
-Metaphors -Similes -Textures
-Actions -Hyperboles -Descriptions
W.A.L.T: Write a description using metaphors, similes and
hyperboles.
A Piece Of Heaven
I stand on the pier, watching silently, as the hawk swoops and
swerves expertly, his talons outstretched and his gossamer wings
spread wide, as if he knows I am admiring him.
His eyes meet mine, as if it is our own special signal. His body as white as snow skims the icy cold water
waiting just inches below his unique body. The brown feathers on his strong, powerful legs quiver in the wind,
making the moment even more magical then before.
I watch, transfixed at the beautiful animal before my eyes. If it weren’t for the realistic ripples in the water,
or the hint of determination in his eyes, I could have been looking at a painting. He was as pretty as a picture.
By Rosie
Very well done Rosie. I really love your opening paragraph, especially the “gossamer wings” bit. Great
vocabulary.
Next steps: try to make your endings as powerful as your beginning. 4B