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The Compassionate
                   Classroom
             - open communication
                      VPLD session
                     26th October 2011

                   with Fiona White
                 of Mediation Matters

The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
Teacher Tube video




  • What do you think is the intention of the principal in using this
    demonstration? What are they hoping will be the effect on the students?

   • What do you think might be the actual effect on the students? What
     might be the consequences of such a demonstration?

The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
Rules & Values
Values exercise:
• What words would you use to describe the
  classroom/school you would like to be a part of?
• What does ‘respectful communication’ look like for you?
• What obstacles might get in the way of you living up to
  these values?
• What might you do when you perceive that someone’s
  behaviour doesn’t match these values?




The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
Our brain in conflict




                               Picture from www.nccr-neuro.uzh.ch

    Mirror Neurons:
    Mirror neurons fire in the brains of observers watching a given action, and
    replicate to some extent the experience of the one being observed.
    These neurons fire when we observe someone else angry, suffering or
    frightened, reproducing those experiences in the form of empathy.


The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
Our brain in conflict
The Limbic System:




The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
List of feelings/emotions
 When needs are met:                            When needs are not met:
 Comfortable, full, satisfied, easy, content,   Uncomfortable, pained, uneasy, hurt,
 relaxed, fulfilled, safe                       miserable, embarrassed
 Glad, happy, excited, hopeful, joyful,         Sad, unhappy, troubled, disheartened,
 delighted, grateful, encouraged, confident,    heavy, lonely, anguished, gloomy,
 cheerful, elated, enthusiastic                 despairing, depressed
 Grateful, appreciative, thankful               Annoyed, disappointed, bitter

 Interested, curious, engaged, intent,          Uninterested, aloof, bored, distant,
 involved, absorbed                             apathetic, disinterested, withdrawn

 Loving, connected, touched, warm,              Mad, angry, furious, aggravated, irritated,
 affectionate, tender, open, friendly,          enraged, hostile, bitter, upset, frustrated
 compassionate, nurtured                        Tired, exhausted, fatigued, lethargic, weary,
                                                sleepy, dull, overwhelmed, discouraged
 Rested, refreshed, rejuvenated, energized,
 strong, invigorated, alive, alert, relaxed     Scared, fearful, afraid, anxious, hesitant,
                                                reluctant, shocked, terrified, horrified,
 Peaceful, calm, serene, trusting, tranquil,
                                                unsettled
 clear, composed, secure, at ease, content


The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
List of Needs
   Space        Belonging         Fairness       Integrity        Trust

   Choice       Celebration       Growth       Appreciation       Hope

  Respect       Community         Purpose        Efficiency       Order

  Progress       Patience       Nourishment      Inclusion     Compassion

  Equality       Honesty           Play        Consideration   To be heard

                  Keeping
Co-operation                       Rest         Connection         Joy
                agreements

 Acceptance    Empowerment        Clarity        Support       Transparency

Independence Safety/security    Authenticity   Understanding/be understood


The Compassionate Classroom –
   26/10/11
What would you like this student to do?

Specific positive action request




The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
List of feelings/emotions
 When needs are met:                            When needs are not met:
 Comfortable, full, satisfied, easy, content,   Uncomfortable, pained, uneasy, hurt,
 relaxed, fulfilled, safe                       miserable, embarrassed
 Glad, happy, excited, hopeful, joyful,         Sad, unhappy, troubled, disheartened,
 delighted, grateful, encouraged, confident,    heavy, lonely, anguished, gloomy,
 cheerful, elated, enthusiastic                 despairing, depressed
 Grateful, appreciative, thankful               Annoyed, disappointed, bitter

 Interested, curious, engaged, intent,          Uninterested, aloof, bored, distant,
 involved, absorbed                             apathetic, disinterested, withdrawn

 Loving, connected, touched, warm,              Mad, angry, furious, aggravated, irritated,
 affectionate, tender, open, friendly,          enraged, hostile, bitter, upset, frustrated
 compassionate, nurtured                        Tired, exhausted, fatigued, lethargic, weary,
                                                sleepy, dull, overwhelmed, discouraged
 Rested, refreshed, rejuvenated, energized,
 strong, invigorated, alive, alert, relaxed     Scared, fearful, afraid, anxious, hesitant,
                                                reluctant, shocked, terrified, horrified,
 Peaceful, calm, serene, trusting, tranquil,
                                                unsettled
 clear, composed, secure, at ease, content


The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
List of Needs
   Space        Belonging         Fairness       Integrity        Trust

   Choice       Celebration       Growth       Appreciation       Hope

  Respect       Community         Purpose        Efficiency       Order

  Progress       Patience       Nourishment      Inclusion     Compassion

  Equality       Honesty           Play        Consideration   To be heard

                  Keeping
Co-operation                       Rest         Connection         Joy
                agreements

 Acceptance    Empowerment        Clarity        Support       Transparency

Independence Safety/security    Authenticity   Understanding/be understood


The Compassionate Classroom –
   26/10/11
Nonviolent Communication 4-part strategy
    Observation: When          you say ...
    (without                   I see ...
    evaluation)                ‘x’ happens.


    Feelings:       Are you (feeling) ...
                    I feel ...

    Needs:          because you’re needing ...
                            I’m needing ...

    Request:        Would you like to …
                    I would like to …
                    Would you be willing to ...
                    (must be a clear message of what you want to happen)


The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
What are you taking away from today’s VPLD session?
Fiona White’s contact details
Mobile: (+64) 021 232 6805
Email: fiona@mediationmatters.co.nz
Website: www.mediationmatters.co.nz
Facebook ID: Mediation matters NZ
Blog: www.theconflicttoolbox.wordpress.com

Other topics to consider:
•   The power of empathy – for self and others.
•   Rules & values - Values exercise for behavioural expectations.
•   Four uses of the 4-part strategy: for self-empathy, empathy for others, expressing
    own needs, & expressing gratitude.
•   How the labels we use limit our connections with others – teacher, student,
    principal.
•   How we behave towards authority, and as an authority – the choices we make.
•   Reward & Punishment and their effects – performance appraisals that work.


The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11

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The Compassionate Classroom

  • 1. The Compassionate Classroom - open communication VPLD session 26th October 2011 with Fiona White of Mediation Matters The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 2. Teacher Tube video • What do you think is the intention of the principal in using this demonstration? What are they hoping will be the effect on the students? • What do you think might be the actual effect on the students? What might be the consequences of such a demonstration? The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 3. Rules & Values Values exercise: • What words would you use to describe the classroom/school you would like to be a part of? • What does ‘respectful communication’ look like for you? • What obstacles might get in the way of you living up to these values? • What might you do when you perceive that someone’s behaviour doesn’t match these values? The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 4. Our brain in conflict Picture from www.nccr-neuro.uzh.ch Mirror Neurons: Mirror neurons fire in the brains of observers watching a given action, and replicate to some extent the experience of the one being observed. These neurons fire when we observe someone else angry, suffering or frightened, reproducing those experiences in the form of empathy. The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 5. Our brain in conflict The Limbic System: The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 6. List of feelings/emotions When needs are met: When needs are not met: Comfortable, full, satisfied, easy, content, Uncomfortable, pained, uneasy, hurt, relaxed, fulfilled, safe miserable, embarrassed Glad, happy, excited, hopeful, joyful, Sad, unhappy, troubled, disheartened, delighted, grateful, encouraged, confident, heavy, lonely, anguished, gloomy, cheerful, elated, enthusiastic despairing, depressed Grateful, appreciative, thankful Annoyed, disappointed, bitter Interested, curious, engaged, intent, Uninterested, aloof, bored, distant, involved, absorbed apathetic, disinterested, withdrawn Loving, connected, touched, warm, Mad, angry, furious, aggravated, irritated, affectionate, tender, open, friendly, enraged, hostile, bitter, upset, frustrated compassionate, nurtured Tired, exhausted, fatigued, lethargic, weary, sleepy, dull, overwhelmed, discouraged Rested, refreshed, rejuvenated, energized, strong, invigorated, alive, alert, relaxed Scared, fearful, afraid, anxious, hesitant, reluctant, shocked, terrified, horrified, Peaceful, calm, serene, trusting, tranquil, unsettled clear, composed, secure, at ease, content The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 7. List of Needs Space Belonging Fairness Integrity Trust Choice Celebration Growth Appreciation Hope Respect Community Purpose Efficiency Order Progress Patience Nourishment Inclusion Compassion Equality Honesty Play Consideration To be heard Keeping Co-operation Rest Connection Joy agreements Acceptance Empowerment Clarity Support Transparency Independence Safety/security Authenticity Understanding/be understood The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 8. What would you like this student to do? Specific positive action request The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 9. List of feelings/emotions When needs are met: When needs are not met: Comfortable, full, satisfied, easy, content, Uncomfortable, pained, uneasy, hurt, relaxed, fulfilled, safe miserable, embarrassed Glad, happy, excited, hopeful, joyful, Sad, unhappy, troubled, disheartened, delighted, grateful, encouraged, confident, heavy, lonely, anguished, gloomy, cheerful, elated, enthusiastic despairing, depressed Grateful, appreciative, thankful Annoyed, disappointed, bitter Interested, curious, engaged, intent, Uninterested, aloof, bored, distant, involved, absorbed apathetic, disinterested, withdrawn Loving, connected, touched, warm, Mad, angry, furious, aggravated, irritated, affectionate, tender, open, friendly, enraged, hostile, bitter, upset, frustrated compassionate, nurtured Tired, exhausted, fatigued, lethargic, weary, sleepy, dull, overwhelmed, discouraged Rested, refreshed, rejuvenated, energized, strong, invigorated, alive, alert, relaxed Scared, fearful, afraid, anxious, hesitant, reluctant, shocked, terrified, horrified, Peaceful, calm, serene, trusting, tranquil, unsettled clear, composed, secure, at ease, content The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 10. List of Needs Space Belonging Fairness Integrity Trust Choice Celebration Growth Appreciation Hope Respect Community Purpose Efficiency Order Progress Patience Nourishment Inclusion Compassion Equality Honesty Play Consideration To be heard Keeping Co-operation Rest Connection Joy agreements Acceptance Empowerment Clarity Support Transparency Independence Safety/security Authenticity Understanding/be understood The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 11. Nonviolent Communication 4-part strategy Observation: When you say ... (without I see ... evaluation) ‘x’ happens. Feelings: Are you (feeling) ... I feel ... Needs: because you’re needing ... I’m needing ... Request: Would you like to … I would like to … Would you be willing to ... (must be a clear message of what you want to happen) The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11
  • 12. What are you taking away from today’s VPLD session? Fiona White’s contact details Mobile: (+64) 021 232 6805 Email: fiona@mediationmatters.co.nz Website: www.mediationmatters.co.nz Facebook ID: Mediation matters NZ Blog: www.theconflicttoolbox.wordpress.com Other topics to consider: • The power of empathy – for self and others. • Rules & values - Values exercise for behavioural expectations. • Four uses of the 4-part strategy: for self-empathy, empathy for others, expressing own needs, & expressing gratitude. • How the labels we use limit our connections with others – teacher, student, principal. • How we behave towards authority, and as an authority – the choices we make. • Reward & Punishment and their effects – performance appraisals that work. The Compassionate Classroom – 26/10/11