These slides help parents learn what adolescents and teens need to know about sex and how to start the conversations. Based on my eManual, Sexuality Talking Points.

1. The New Birds & Bees
Talking with Your Adolescent or Teen about Sexuality
Melanie Davis, PhD
@DrMelanieDavis Author, Sexuality Talking Points: A guide toward thoughtful conversations between
parents and children
Honest Exchange, LLC http://www.honestexchange.com
© Melanie Davis 2012

2. Talking with adolescents and teens about
sexuality helps keep them physically and
emotionally healthy, happy and safe.
And, respectful communication about
sexuality helps build bonds between
parents and children.
It can be easier than you think!

3. What makes it difficult to discuss sex?
Sex is hardly ever just about sex.
-- Shirley MacLaine

4. What are the benefits of parent-child communication
about sex?
 Delayed sexual activity and smarter choices when sexual activity
begins
 Sexuality can be put into the context of your culture, values, religion
 Talking about sex begets talking about sex – the more open parents
are to discussing sensitive issues, the more open children are to
having conversations

5. Are the messages your child receives
sex-negative or sex-positive?

6. Sex positive:
Don't knock masturbation: it's sex with someone I love.
– Woody Allen

7. Sex negative:

8. Studies show that parents tend to focus on sex-
negative messages about sexually transmitted
infections and unintended pregnancy.
Typically, the only preventive measure parents
offer to these negative outcomes is abstinence
or “waiting.” Teens need and deserve more!

9. Parents should talk about… Holistic sexuality model by Dennis Dailey
Sensuality
Skin hunger
Aural/visual stimuli
Sexual response cycle
Sexualization Body image
Flirting Fantasy Intimacy
Media Caring
Seduction Sharing
Withholding sex Loving/liking
Sexual harassment Risk taking
Incest Vulnerability
Self disclosure
Rape Values
Values Trust
Sexual Health
& Reproduction
Sexual behavior Sexual Identity
Anatomy & physiology Biological gender
Sexual/reproductive systems Gender identity
Contraception/abortion Gender role
Sexually transmitted Sexual orientation
infections

10. Adolescents and teens are exposed to sexual
information and values through…
Peers, internet, magazines, movies/TV, video games,
comics, school, religious organizations, caregivers, siblings,
grandparents, ex-spouses & partners, etc.
Whose sexual values do you want your child to learn?

11. Talking about sexuality will be more comfortable if
parents…
 Find teachable moments
 Bring topics up in frequent, small doses
 Be askable: Compliment, clarify, listen, correct
 Respect your child’s right to privacy, as long as you don’t
suspect danger to physical or emotional health

12. Parents communicate by words and deeds…
 Do you express affection & respect for your partner?
 Do you model healthy body image and self esteem?
 Do you talk about values, goals and vision?
 Do you pay attention to your child’s moods, health,
friends and activities?
 Do you keep the conversational door open?

13. A birds & bees review…
 Give adolescents and teens get accurate
information and help them put sexuality into the
context of their values
 Open the conversational door and keep it open
 Find or create teachable moments
 Keep conversations short & non-judgmental
 Compliment, clarify, listen, correct

14. About Melanie Davis, PhD
 Award-winning sexuality educator who delivers lively, interactive
programs for individuals, couples and families
 Trainer for physicians, nurses, educators, medical students
 Partner, New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness
Learn how sexuality education can benefit you, the people you
care about, or your professional organization –
Call 908-722-1632 or visit http://www.honestexchange.com