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Susan Abel Lieberman, Ph.D.
Partner in the Y Collaborative




www.ycollaborative.com
Before a crisis   Loss and grief
“Hanging on the edge of a precipice,
engulfed in terror is not the time or place
to learn about emergency rock climbing
          procedures; you have to learn
them before you start the expedition.”


             ~Virginia Morris in TALKING ABOUT DEATH
“Laying down synaptic pathways early shapes our thinking and helps us
 when we face circumstances that draw on those pathways. It would turn
out that short-term memory involves transient changes of the connections
  between the cells. There is no anatomical change. Long-term memory
              involves enduring changes that result from the
               growth of new synaptic connections.”
• Paperwork of Dying

• Medical Issues Related to Dying

• Emotions/Desires/Wishes

• Spiritual Issues

• How to Talk with Doctors
• Will

• Advance Directive

•Health Care Proxy

• Fioancial Proxy

• Funeral Inclinations

• And, perhaps, a supplemental letter
“Everybody becomes enormously selfish.
  They don’t know they are selfish. They
 are all thinking they’re doing what’s best
   for the dying person. But what each
  member of a family does and what the
  doctor does is always try to figure out
    what seems the best from his own
                point of view.”
                          ~ Sherwin Nuland, How We Die
Five Ways to Start a Conversation


        1. Using your paperwork

        2. Asking for conversation as a gift

        3. Telling a story about friends or acquaintances

        4. Using family legacy as a jumpstart

        5. Five Wishes
• We remember the old saying:
  Si vis pacem, para bellum.
  If you desire peace, prepare for war.

• It would timely thus to paraphrase it:
  Si vis vitam, para mortem.
  If you would endure life, be prepared for death.
• If you deceive to your doctor, may your doctor then
  deceive you?

• Be clear in the conversation about what worries you.

• Remember, no good doc will object to a second
  opinion. If your doctor objects to questions, consider a
  new doctor if possible.

• You can direct the tenor of your conversations by
  speaking authentically but always politely.
Spiritual intelligence is acting with our
highest level of intellect and our highest
level of compassion while maintaining
inner and outer equanimity regardless
            of circumstances.
                         ~

                         Cindy Wigglesworth, Deep Change
www.ycollaborative.com

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Talking About End of Life Issues Before a Crisis

  • 1. Susan Abel Lieberman, Ph.D. Partner in the Y Collaborative www.ycollaborative.com
  • 2.
  • 3. Before a crisis Loss and grief
  • 4.
  • 5.
  • 6. “Hanging on the edge of a precipice, engulfed in terror is not the time or place to learn about emergency rock climbing procedures; you have to learn them before you start the expedition.” ~Virginia Morris in TALKING ABOUT DEATH
  • 7. “Laying down synaptic pathways early shapes our thinking and helps us when we face circumstances that draw on those pathways. It would turn out that short-term memory involves transient changes of the connections between the cells. There is no anatomical change. Long-term memory involves enduring changes that result from the growth of new synaptic connections.”
  • 8. • Paperwork of Dying • Medical Issues Related to Dying • Emotions/Desires/Wishes • Spiritual Issues • How to Talk with Doctors
  • 9. • Will • Advance Directive •Health Care Proxy • Fioancial Proxy • Funeral Inclinations • And, perhaps, a supplemental letter
  • 10. “Everybody becomes enormously selfish. They don’t know they are selfish. They are all thinking they’re doing what’s best for the dying person. But what each member of a family does and what the doctor does is always try to figure out what seems the best from his own point of view.” ~ Sherwin Nuland, How We Die
  • 11. Five Ways to Start a Conversation 1. Using your paperwork 2. Asking for conversation as a gift 3. Telling a story about friends or acquaintances 4. Using family legacy as a jumpstart 5. Five Wishes
  • 12.
  • 13. • We remember the old saying: Si vis pacem, para bellum. If you desire peace, prepare for war. • It would timely thus to paraphrase it: Si vis vitam, para mortem. If you would endure life, be prepared for death.
  • 14. • If you deceive to your doctor, may your doctor then deceive you? • Be clear in the conversation about what worries you. • Remember, no good doc will object to a second opinion. If your doctor objects to questions, consider a new doctor if possible. • You can direct the tenor of your conversations by speaking authentically but always politely.
  • 15. Spiritual intelligence is acting with our highest level of intellect and our highest level of compassion while maintaining inner and outer equanimity regardless of circumstances. ~ Cindy Wigglesworth, Deep Change