Presentation to the 18th annual "Baseball in Literature and Culture" conference, April 5, 2013, held at Middle Tennessee State University, Murfreesboro TN

1. “Right” When They’re Wrong
Fallible Umpires and Infallible (Inexorable,
Inescapable) Rules
18th Annual Conference
Baseball in Literature and Culture
April 5, 2013

2. Reflections on rules, infractions and
misapplications of the rules, the final
arbiters of the rules, and the fans who love
to complain about them…

3. Baseball
by John Updike
It looks easy from a distance,
easy and lazy, even,
until you stand up to the plate
and see the fastball sailing inside,
an inch from your chin,
or circle in the outfield
straining to get a bead
on a small black dot
a city block or more high,
a dark star that could fall
on your head like a leaden meteor…

4. The Umpire
by Milton Bracker (1962)
The umpire is a lonely man
Whose calls are known to every fan
Yet none will call him Dick or Dan
In all the season's games.
They'll never call him Al or Ed
Or Bill or Phil or Frank or Fred
Or Jim or Tim or Tom or Ted
They'll simply call him names.
(Must ask our friend Mark Sickman, the “Baseball Bard,” for more umpire-etry… )

5. Yet let the umpire call a
close play against the
Knights and he became a
target for pop bottles,
beer cans, old shoes or
anything that appened to
be lying around loose…
Bernard Malamud,
The Natural

6. Baseball Umpires' Nightly Nightmare
Minor league umpires are much
like minor league players. When
they finally get a chance to prove
their stuff in the big leagues, they
want to succeed. The biggest
difference is, when a player gets
the call he wants to do something
spectacular to impress his bosses.
The mark of a great umpire is
when no one notices him at all.
Chris Conroy got noticed...

7. Umpire's Ejection of "Three Blind Mice" Deejay Was Historically Correct Call
A minor league umpire's ejection of an intern deejay for the Daytona Cubs for
playing a sound clip of the nursery rhyme "Three Blind Mice" Wednesday has
given added credence to the classic George Santayana statement, "Those who
cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it…"

8. Robin Yount often disagreed with
umpires on close plays at first, but on
viewing the replay, it almost always
turned out he was wrong. It was funny,
Yount acknowledged, how your point
of view can affect your vision and your
decision-making…
I asked Yount if he'd ever spoken to
umpires about why that is, about what
they do to see the play properly.
"No," he said. "I never did."
NPR, NPR2

9. Game Called Because of Rain or Three Umpires
by Norman Rockwell (1949)

10. Murfreesboro’s most famous son reminds us, the integrity of how we
play the game is indispensable. We must have rules, and we must
have interpreters, applicators, and enforcers of rules.
But we don’t have to like them. Do we?

11. "Baseball fits America
well because it
expresses our longing
for the rule of law while
licensing our
resentment of law
givers.“
- A. Bartlett Giamatti

12. "I couldn't see well enough to play when I was a boy, so they gave me a
special job - they made me an umpire." - Harry S. Truman
"I know that if I bump (an umpire), I'm suspended for four games. If
they bump a guy you never hear about it. If we curse one of them, we
get thrown out of a game and fined. If they curse a guy, they don't get
thrown out." - Terry Pendleton
"I think umpires have too much power, without any system of checks
and balances and the more money a player makes, the more the
umpire tries to show off that power to him. Unfortunately, since I
signed my contract my strike zone has suddenly become a lot larger."
- Ozzie Smith

13. “I've never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight,
yes.”
― Leo Durocher
“Ideally, the umpire should combine the integrity of a Supreme Court
judge, the physical agility of an acrobat, the endurance of Job and the
imperturbability of Buddha.”
― Time-Life Books
“In and effort to be fair, an umpire will sometimes cheat.”
― Dan Gutman, It Ain't Cheating If You Don't Get Caught
“It
never hurts to apologize, especially if you don't mean it.”
― Jim Bouton, Ball Four

14. R.A. Dickey writes of the
exceptional (minor league)
umpire who acknowledged
blowing calls because he’d
never seen the knuckler
before. “Even in Spring
Training, it’s the kind of
admission you rarely hear
from an umpire,, and it shows
me a whole lot.”
R.A. Dickey, Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity and the Perfect
Knuckleball

15. Why isn't there a great movi
?

16. Umpire: the Integrity of the Game
We love to hate the umpires, love to blame them for our team’s misfortunes. But, truth be
told, there is no other group of men in baseball more deserving of respect for their
dedication to the purity of the game. Umpires have never been associated with any of the
scandals that have been woven into the fabric of professional baseball since its inception.
They get little respect from fans or players, they don’t get paid millions, and it is certainly no
fun being in their particular spotlight.

17. The Umpire
Matthew's Full Length Test Movie (Test Movie 2) 05/25/2011
A ball player gets in trouble for punching an umpire, and is sentenced
to 100 hours community service to be served as an umpire. Now the
man who hates umpires has to be one.
Awards
Winner, May 2011 Best Test Movie Award
Creative Notes-
I shot and edited this over the last three months. My budget was zero
dollars. The actors are mostly friends from my church. The biggest
change from the script is the ending. People consistently commented
on the script's weak ending, and the more I looked at it the more I
thought they were right. So I wrote a new ending, and also altered
many events that lead to it.

18. Kill the Umpire (1950)
Ex-baseball player Bill Johnson
(William Bendix' ), failing at
many jobs when his ball-playing
days are over, reluctantly takes
the advice of his father-in-law,
Jonah Evans (Ray Collins), a
retired umpire, and enters an
umpire-training school. Assigned
to the Texas League, he does
fine until the championship play-
offs when a riot develops over
one of his calls. The involved
player is knocked unconscious
in the proceedings and cannot
verify that Bill made the correct
call… imdb

19. But ok, point taken: we’re still waiting for the great American umpire movie.
“There are many worthy films
about the farce and tragedy of
playing Major League Baseball --
"Field of Dreams," "The Natural"
and "Bull Durham," to name a
few…” LA Times, 6.3.10
Jim Joyce openly blew one of
the biggest calls in recent
baseball… Joyce's call
swiped a perfect game from
Detroit Tigers pitcher
Armando Galarraga.

20. Unlike the usual reticence and spin of a pro-sports officiating crew,
Joyce immediately copped to his mistake. "It was the biggest call of
my career and I kicked it. I just cost that kid a perfect game," he said,
adding a human -- and cinematic -- dimension to a part of sports most
of us never see.
One can imagine a great character drama that centers on an umpire.
Their itinerant, frequently thankless life -- most of us don't notice an
umpire until they mess something up -- along with the requirement to
maintain a stoic public face while perhaps inwardly resenting their
judge-and-jury role is pure George Clooney …
Joyce-gate has brought back to the surface, and elicited interviews
with, Don Denkinger, the umpire who famously took the 1985 World
Series from the St. Louis Cardinals.

21. Before umpire Don
Denkinger mistakenly called
the Kansas City Royals'
Jose Orta safe at first to
start the ninth inning in
Game 6, the Cardinals were
up by one run and 3-2 in the
series...
Top game-changing plays in World S

22. Over the course of Major League Baseball's illustrious
history, the umpires who dedicate their lives to making the
calls right have often gotten them wrong. Many baseball fans
have accepted that mistakes and blown calls are part of the
game, but it's a different issue when the calls start deciding
the outcome of a game. The 2012 MLB postseason has
since added to the infield fly debacle with a questionable call
on a Nate McLouth foul ball and another on a Robinson
Cano tag at second base. Where do they rank all-time
among the worst?
Click here to see the Top 10 worst calls in MLB postseason histo
>>
Read more at:
http://nesn.com/2012/10/infield-fly-rule-call-among-top-ten-worst-calls-in-mlb-postseason-history-video-gallery/
NESN.com

25. …but loosely understood, inconsistently applied, and self-servingly defended.

26. Infallible like the pope?
“You cannot call that an infield fly!” But the umpire can. Blown calls are part of the game, and part of
life.
Would I be so “philosophical” if the call had gone against my team? Of course not.
“You can’t do that!” But the umpire can. He’s “infallible.” Like the Pope.
And as Dan Dennett has written, having a team can be meUp@dawnaningful and gratifying (or
galling, Braves fans?) if you don’t forget it’s only a game.... (Continues at, Up@dawn October 6,
2012)

27. So when Popes and umps retire do they become fallible again?
How can a pope/ump can be infallible one day and fallible again the next?
The Vatican has acknowledged some of the confusion. “For many it’s still a surprise,” Father
Lombardi, the Vatican spokesman, said last week. “There’s a lot of reflection on the significance of
the decision and what this implies for the church and for the Roman Curia.” nyt

31. October 6, 2012
Did the umpires get that infield fly rule call right?
Paul White says yes.
Watch replays closely and you'll see that Holbrook, the left field
umpire, watches as shortstop Pete Kozma backpedals into left field.
As soon as Kozma waves his arms to communicate that he's ready
to catch the ball, Holbrook raises his arm to signal an infield fly.
In other words, the umpire waits until he's certain it's a play the
infielder can make. Kozma apparently thought it was a play he
could make.
http://althouse.blogspot.com/2012/10/did-umpires-get-that-infield-fly-call.html

32. Official Rules: 2.00 Definition of Terms
An INFIELD FLY is a fair fly ball (not including a line drive nor
an attempted bunt) which can be caught by an infielder with
ordinary effort, when first and second, or first, second and third
bases are occupied, before two are out. The pitcher, catcher
and any outfielder who stations himself in the infield on the play
shall be considered infielders for the purpose of this rule.
When it seems apparent that a batted ball will be an Infield Fly,
the umpire shall immediately declare “Infield Fly” for the benefit
of the runners. If the ball is near the baselines, the umpire shall
declare “Infield Fly, if Fair.”..

33. Major League Baseball's Official
Playing Rules Committee has
opted to alter baseball's
definition of the infield fly rule
following a contested play late in
the 2012 season that baffled
broadcasters, flummoxed fans
and caused a 19-minute delay.
No, the disputed play was not
the infamous Cardinals vs.
Braves Wild Card sequence that
saw fans hurling debris on the
field in protest of umpire Sam
Holbrook's gutsy—
yet absolutely correct—call...

34. Instead, the change comes in response to
August 26's Marlins vs. Dodgers game in which the infield fly
rule fused with interference to wreak havoc on a fairly
benign transcontinental NL clash...
Added to Rule 2.00 (Infield Fly) for 2013 is the phrase:
If interference is called during an infield fly, the ball remains
alive until it is determined whether the ball is fair or foul. If
fair, both the runner who interfered with the fielder and the
batter are out. If foul, even if caught, the runner is out and
the batter returns to bat.

35. The Baseball Codes —
colloquially referred to as the
unwritten rules of the game —
comprise the methods players
use to police themselves and
each other. It’s a moral code
that, on and off the field, is used
to keep the game pure.
Jason Turbow

36. Jim Bouton recounted in his book, I’m Glad You Didn’t
Take it Personally, the time that Ryne Duren walked three
straight hitters on 12 neck-high fastballs. Wrote Bouton:
Finally he walked across a run and he stormed up to the
home-plate umpire. “Goddammit, where the hell are those
pitches?”
“Right up here, Ryne,” the umpire said, pointing to his neck.
“Well, goddammit,” Duren said, “I’ve got to have that pitch.”
The Baseball Codes

37. I spent much of Spring Break watching Middle & High School softball…

38. My High School daughter’s team played
for 3+ hours one night, to a 13-13 draw
when the ump was persuaded by the
other team’s attractive young coach to
return to the field from the parking lot and
nulllify the home team’s 13-12 victory on
the basis of a dubious scorekeeping
challenge.
Next morning, my Middle Schooler’s
team coasted to a 16-4 win. Different
ump, different atmosphere. What made
the difference?
Both umps betrayed humility… But only Ump #2 did so without any sacrifice of authority or credibility.

39. I don’t know how you teach that in umpiring school. Just wish they would.

40. “Many of our most serious conflicts
are conflicts within ourselves. Those
who suppose their judgements are
always consistent are unreflective or
dogmatic.”
― John Rawls, Justice as Fairness:
A Restatement
“The point of having rules derives from the fact that similar
cases tend to recur and that one can decide cases more
quickly if one records past decisions in the form of rules. If
similar cases didn't recur, one would be required to apply
the utilitarian principle directly, case by case, and rules
reporting past decisions would be of no use.” Rawls, Two
Concepts of Rules

41. The Rawlsian point, as it seems to apply : even the most consistent
umps will make mistakes; but, they must still adjudicate each new play
in the light of past decisions. The pop fly rises over the infield, the
fielder gestures for a catch, the ump must make a call. Sometimes it’s
right, sometimes not. Only very rarely is it malicious.
Could there be a better way?

42. If the days are gods, as Transcendentalist Emerson declared…
Opening Days are seminally
divine.
“If we take eternity to mean not infinite
temporal duration but timelessness,
then eternal life belongs to those who
live in the present.”
― Ludwig Wittgenstein

43. And so, here in the present, the rules of the game and their
custodians in blue remain beyond final reproach.
Umpires are as flawed and fallible as us all. Sometimes they’re
wrong, sometimes they blow the call.
But in spite of themselves, against our better judgement, they’re
bound to be “right.”

44. "They expect an umpire to be perfect on Opening Day and to
improve as the season goes on." - American League Umpire
Nestor Chylak
"Any time I got those 'bang-bang' plays at first base, I called
'em out. It made the game shorter." - National League
Umpire Tom Gorman
"If they did get a machine to replace us, you know what
would happen to it? Why, the players would bust it to
pieces every time it ruled against them. They'd clobber it
with a bat." - National League Umpire Harry Wendelstadt
More umpire quotes

45. “Maybe I called it wrong, but it’s official.”
Tommy Connolly