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Revision Worksheet
In Essay 2, you will make use of self-critique, peer review, and
instructor feedback to revise your first essay. A portion of your
grade on this essay, as well as on Essays 3 and 4, will be based
on your ability to demonstrate significant revision of your work.
You must submit a description of the revision process,
including the sources of feedback you used and a description of
the revisions you made to address the concerns raised by your
reviewers.
Answer the following questions, save the document, and submit
this worksheet along with Essays 2 -4.
1. Self-critique: What did you want to change/revise about the
original paper? Be specific about any “re-visioning” you did.
Where is this evident in the changes you made to the original?
2. Peer Review: What did the peer comments on your paper tell
you? What feedback did you find useful? How did you address
their concerns in your revision process? Be specific with
details.
3. Instructor Feedback: Which of the instructor’s comments on
the paper did you find useful in the revision process? What
were the problems noted? How did you address them in your
revision?
4. Summary of the Revision Process: What process did you use
for revising your essay? What did you do differently from
drafting your original? What sections of the essay did you
revise: introduction, thesis, key points, examples given,
development of points, summary, restatement of thesis, and/or
conclusion?
Tami Golwire-Major
English 111
Professor Keitel
August 31, 2015
Junot Diaz wrote this magnificent piece and dedicated it to
her mother Azua “The Dreamer”. Her strength was so very
impressive, trying to attain her education while growing up in
such horrible conditions while living within the Dominican
Republic, which was fuel for his very own successful life that
he also wanted to obtain. What’s most appealing about “The
Dreamer” is that the author recognizes the strength and
determination his mother has to be able to dream at the sake of
her own health and wellbeing to see fulfillment of those dreams.
Diaz gave his mother praise for his life accomplishments.
Having someone positive in your life such as a mentor or
even a person who has lived his or her right by all standards
that one can look up too can have a larger impact on that person
life in such a way that they are thankful for and can be a life
lesson passed on to the next person making all things that seem
that aren’t possible, possible. Mother’s molding their children
into respectful and productive adults, allowing them to give
back to society and to become the success story that they image
one to be. The summary of “The Dreamer” written by Junot
Diaz will relate to other positive outcomes and the positive
effects of other outstanding role models followed with a
conclusion.
Azua grew up in horrible and impoverished conditions in
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Her mother expected to
work on their family farm or until her death or was married off
(Diaz, p.128). She wanted so badly to become a nurse and knew
that an education to accomplish that dream but was not allowed
to go to school and if she was caught near a schoolhouse would
be the result of a beating. During the General Rafael Trujillo’s
time he passed a law that it was mandatory that all children
under fifteen years of age attend school and the parents that
abide by this ruling would be incarcerated. So Azua needed to
act fast because it was time for the family to move to the
highlands to harvest coffee and it was fast approaching. Two
days before it was time for the move she got down on her knees
to take a drink of water from a very unclean and horrible
smelling puddle of water that made her sick and her family was
forced to leave her behind with a cousin. After her mother
moved and she was still considered sick she went to school and
reported her mother so she would be allowed to attend school.
The family later returned for her and tried to take her but the
police stopped her because of the law that was placed for all
children to attend school under the age of fifteen, being beaten
daily by her mother, she still was able to get her education.
Although she never did get to become a nurse due to
immigration circumstances that weren’t revealed, however she
did become a mother to a son. She encouraged her son to dream
and through this essay he states “I do believe that that I am as
an artist, everything that I’ve written, was possible because of a
seven year old girl in the hills of Azua knelt before a puddle,
found the courage within herself and drank. Every time I’m in
trouble with my art, I think of the thirst, the courage and often
think of no one but her (Diaz, p. 128).
In conclusion, there no ends to the endless ways that a
mother can have such a positive influence on a child’s life,
whether by simply pursuing his or her own objectives in a non-
fearing and hard or solid manner. Azua showed and exemplify
such qualities of a courageous woman and this feeling will be
felt for a very long time through all who just mustered the
courage to dream a little. Hoping that one day their children
will go on to pass down these same traits and who knows: there
just is hope for humanity after all.
References:
Kennedy, X.J., Dorothy M. Kennedy, Aaron, Ellen K. Repetto,
eds. The Bedford Reader. 12th ed.

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  • 1. Revision Worksheet In Essay 2, you will make use of self-critique, peer review, and instructor feedback to revise your first essay. A portion of your grade on this essay, as well as on Essays 3 and 4, will be based on your ability to demonstrate significant revision of your work. You must submit a description of the revision process, including the sources of feedback you used and a description of the revisions you made to address the concerns raised by your reviewers. Answer the following questions, save the document, and submit this worksheet along with Essays 2 -4. 1. Self-critique: What did you want to change/revise about the original paper? Be specific about any “re-visioning” you did. Where is this evident in the changes you made to the original? 2. Peer Review: What did the peer comments on your paper tell you? What feedback did you find useful? How did you address their concerns in your revision process? Be specific with details. 3. Instructor Feedback: Which of the instructor’s comments on the paper did you find useful in the revision process? What were the problems noted? How did you address them in your revision?
  • 2. 4. Summary of the Revision Process: What process did you use for revising your essay? What did you do differently from drafting your original? What sections of the essay did you revise: introduction, thesis, key points, examples given, development of points, summary, restatement of thesis, and/or conclusion? Tami Golwire-Major English 111 Professor Keitel August 31, 2015 Junot Diaz wrote this magnificent piece and dedicated it to her mother Azua “The Dreamer”. Her strength was so very impressive, trying to attain her education while growing up in such horrible conditions while living within the Dominican Republic, which was fuel for his very own successful life that he also wanted to obtain. What’s most appealing about “The Dreamer” is that the author recognizes the strength and determination his mother has to be able to dream at the sake of her own health and wellbeing to see fulfillment of those dreams. Diaz gave his mother praise for his life accomplishments. Having someone positive in your life such as a mentor or even a person who has lived his or her right by all standards that one can look up too can have a larger impact on that person life in such a way that they are thankful for and can be a life lesson passed on to the next person making all things that seem that aren’t possible, possible. Mother’s molding their children into respectful and productive adults, allowing them to give back to society and to become the success story that they image one to be. The summary of “The Dreamer” written by Junot Diaz will relate to other positive outcomes and the positive effects of other outstanding role models followed with a
  • 3. conclusion. Azua grew up in horrible and impoverished conditions in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Her mother expected to work on their family farm or until her death or was married off (Diaz, p.128). She wanted so badly to become a nurse and knew that an education to accomplish that dream but was not allowed to go to school and if she was caught near a schoolhouse would be the result of a beating. During the General Rafael Trujillo’s time he passed a law that it was mandatory that all children under fifteen years of age attend school and the parents that abide by this ruling would be incarcerated. So Azua needed to act fast because it was time for the family to move to the highlands to harvest coffee and it was fast approaching. Two days before it was time for the move she got down on her knees to take a drink of water from a very unclean and horrible smelling puddle of water that made her sick and her family was forced to leave her behind with a cousin. After her mother moved and she was still considered sick she went to school and reported her mother so she would be allowed to attend school. The family later returned for her and tried to take her but the police stopped her because of the law that was placed for all children to attend school under the age of fifteen, being beaten daily by her mother, she still was able to get her education. Although she never did get to become a nurse due to immigration circumstances that weren’t revealed, however she did become a mother to a son. She encouraged her son to dream and through this essay he states “I do believe that that I am as an artist, everything that I’ve written, was possible because of a seven year old girl in the hills of Azua knelt before a puddle, found the courage within herself and drank. Every time I’m in trouble with my art, I think of the thirst, the courage and often think of no one but her (Diaz, p. 128). In conclusion, there no ends to the endless ways that a mother can have such a positive influence on a child’s life, whether by simply pursuing his or her own objectives in a non- fearing and hard or solid manner. Azua showed and exemplify
  • 4. such qualities of a courageous woman and this feeling will be felt for a very long time through all who just mustered the courage to dream a little. Hoping that one day their children will go on to pass down these same traits and who knows: there just is hope for humanity after all. References: Kennedy, X.J., Dorothy M. Kennedy, Aaron, Ellen K. Repetto, eds. The Bedford Reader. 12th ed.