SlideShare a Scribd company logo
1 of 114
Download to read offline
Congratulations on purchasing this ebook!
Here's an exclusive list of the Top Crypto Exchanges for you to consider when
registering. These platforms offer excellent opportunities to dive into the exciting
world of cryptocurrencies. Check out the shortened links below and get started
with ease!
1. Binance: the world's leading cryptocurrency exchange, offers a wide range of
trading options and low fees. Registration link: https://mas.so/binance
2. OKX: a popular choice for derivatives trading, provides advanced features
and high liquidity. Registration link: https://mas.so/okx
3. Bybit: known for its copy trading capabilities, allows users to follow
successful traders. Registration link: https://mas.so/bybit
4. Coinbase: a user-friendly US-based exchange, prioritizes security and
compliance. Registration link: https://mas.so/coinbase
5. WhiteBIT: a rapidly growing European exchange, offers a diverse selection of
trading pairs. Registration link: https://mas.so/whitebit
6. Bitforex: a reputable Asian exchange, provides competitive fees and margin
trading. Registration link: https://mas.so/bitforex
7. Bitmart: a popular platform for altcoin trading, offers staking opportunities.
Registration link: https://mas.so/bitmart
8. Gate: an established exchange with advanced features, supports margin
lending and borrowing. Registration link: https://mas.so/gate
9. MEXC: known for its fast matching engine and deep liquidity, caters to
experienced traders. Registration link: https://mas.so/mexc
10. Hotcoin: a user-friendly platform with a focus on emerging markets, offers a
seamless trading experience. Registration link: https://mas.so/hotcoin
11. Huobi (HTX): a renowned Asian exchange, provides diverse trading options
and high liquidity. Registration link: https://mas.so/htx
12. Digifinex: a rising star in the crypto world, offers competitive fees and a
growing user base. Registration link: https://mas.so/digi
Don't wait any longer! Take advantage of these opportunities and embark on
your crypto journey with confidence. Remember, always do your research and
choose the exchange that best suits your needs. Happy trading!
*Disclaimer: All links are provided for convenience and are not endorsed or affili-
ated with this ebook. Users should exercise due diligence and caution when par-
ticipating in any crypto-related activities.*
Reading People Like a Book
How to Understand People's Body Language and Psychology,
Decode Their Intentions and Emotions
Travis V. Brock.
To my wife,
who never stopped making me believe
I could read her.
© Copyright 2023 by Travis V. Brock- All rights reserved.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form
without permission in writing from the author. Reviewers may quote brief
passages in reviews.
While all attempts have been made to verify the information provided in this
publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility
for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein.
The views expressed in this publication are those of the author alone and
should not be taken as expert instruction or commands. The reader is
responsible for his or her own actions, as well as his or her own interpretation
of the material found within this publication.
Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international,
federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices,
advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any
other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the reader and consumer.
Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability
whatsoever on behalf of the consumer or reader of this material. Any
perceived slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional.
Contents
The Fundamentals of Reading
The Importance of Body Language a
The Role o
Practical Exercises t
Case Studies o
Eyes Tell(s) the T
On Everyone’s L
Practical Exercises to Improve Facial Expression Analysis
1.
2.
1.
2.
1.
2.
3. Analyzing Seating Arrangements &
4. Practical Exercises t
5.
Verbal Cues and Speech Patterns
Analysing Motivations &
Emotional Intelligence
Cognitive biases
The influence of past experiences on behaviour
Reading emotions in online and written communication
Navigating Social Situations
Reading people in social gatherings
Networking and making lasting impressions
Handling conflicts and disagreements
Understanding office politics
Strategies for effective public speaking
Relationships and Intimacy
Reading your partner’s emotions and intentions
Love Languages and Manipulation
Building healthier, more fulfilling relationships
Negotiation and Persuasion
Reading your opponent in negotiations
Using Emotional Intelligence in Negotiation
Case Studies of Successful Persuasion
Safety and Security
Reading Potential Threats and Danger Signals
Protecting Yourself From Scams and Fraud
Case study: “Jordan Rainer almost kidnap story”
Strategies for Staying Safe In High-Risk Situations
Building Better Teams
Reading team dynamics and collaboration
Practical exercises
Great leaders and great teams
Strategies for Remote Team Collaboration
The Art of Continuous Improvement
Using Feedback to Enhance Your Skills
Keeping Up With Evolving Social Norms
Conclusion
Bibliography
Introduction
In today’s world it may come easy to think of body language as an
established study area. In fact, its research fields appear to be quite recent, let
alone its fame among the general public. It was only 1970 when the first book
on body language was published by Julius Fast: the work of behavioral
scientists and nonverbal communication studies was puzzled together in what
became the very first introduction to a new area of research: the importance
of understanding the silent signs of our body.
Long before that, the only book that aimed to give insight into the
significance of body behavior was the well known Charles Darwin’s The
Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals. Published in 1872, the text
investigated facial and body expressions and movements foreshadowing the
work of many modern scientists all around the world.
In 1977 Paul Ekman wondered if it was possible to read one’s mind just by
looking and investigating its facial expressions. Wrinkles, smiles, blush in the
face, tightening of the skin: were those changes able to convey a hidden
truth? Was it possible to uncover the true intentions and thoughts of a
person, just by looking at their unintentional - and often unconscious -
movements? Are facial expressions an accurate reflection of one’s emotional
experience? But also, are these signs and cues the same for all people, or are
they culturally determined, socially influenced or do they vary depending of
sex, age, personality, life experiences?
In a research lasted more than 50 years, Ekman found that there is in fact a
certain universality in the way emotions appear through facial expression. For
example, muscular configuration is a key aspect in the way people are able to
laugh, cry and show anger and happiness, although it was firstly discovered
by French scientist Guillame Duchenne de Boulogne At the same time, little
was discovered about the relation to personality and its reciprocal influence
with other physiological measures that may change with the arousal of
emotions. Leaving its readers with questions and the desire to expand the
research, Ekman continued its career in humans’ emotional life by publishing
Telling Lies, a pathfinding inquiry into the world of liars, and Emotion
Revealed, the result of years of psychological studies aiming at recognizing
the cues behind facial expressions and emotion. This might also explain the
reason why up until today speech was believed to be our main form of
communication.
C H A P T E R 1
The Fundamentals of Reading People
In the world there are, more or less, 6500 different languages. From dialects
to almost-extinct and forgotten vernaculars, it must come obvious to us that
speech comes first and foremost in the realm of communication. Truth being
told: it does not. While for verbal-communication advocates it seems
nonetheless trivial to investigate other ways of conveying messages to one
another, over the years researchers have been able to argue that non-verbal
communication anticipates the tongue. But how does it work, and why does
body language play such a significant role in human interaction?
The reasons are many but, as Allan Pease pointed out, we find proof of its
importance in every aspect of daily life. Just to name some, many mute actors
such as Charlie Chaplin were chosen based on their ability to use gestures
and facial expressions that also addressed clearly certain messages. Again,
just think about the way human exchange “looks” and “poses” with the
purpose of catching the eye of a possible partner: greater (if not every) part of
that communication is completely silent. Women are experts in the realm of
catching lies: but it is not for the reason we typically rely on. While scientists
have often argued the differences in the female brain and its stronger
response in the area that mimic the pain of others - and that understands it - in
this case the cause of their greater sensibility to lies is to be found in the most
recurring role of mothers and caregivers. This is because especially in the
first years the mother often relies solely on non-verbal cues to understand the
needs of her child.
We make judgments about people before they even speak a word based on
their appearance, the way they move or smile: these are not irrational
thoughts but have a some-what animalistic basis. People are reluctant to
accept that humans were once animals, it’s undeniable that whereas speech
first developed between 2 millions and 500,000 years ago, before that
humans could count mainly on body language to address their needs and
thoughts. Today, despite the fact that body-language is an outward reflection
of a person’s emotional state, we pay more attention to words rather than
what those words hide or really mean, and less on how they are conveyed: is
my partner really happy, or the way he/she is touching his/her neck is telling
another truth? Is my boss truly interested in my complaint, or that sneer
should make me think differently?
Whereas we commonly put spoken communication on top, our own language
knows the true importance of body language: “Get it off your chest”, “Keep
your chin up”, “Kiss my butt”, “Lend a hand”, “Give someone the cold
shoulder”. Then again, perception is reality: “It's how you looked when you
said it, not what you actually said”. Afterall, the question lies on a simple
assumption: how and through what gesture does our body communicate a
certain emotional condition?
The Importance of Body Language and Psychology
With the words of Allan and Barbara Pease, “The key to reading body
language is being able to understand a person's emotional condition while
listening to what they are saying and noting the circumstances under which
they are saying it”: but what does it really mean?
In the last few decades we have become more and more focused on the
written and spoken word: it is a common evolution of human’s habits that
started with the Technological Revolution in Information and
Communication. Especially in the 21st century, social conditions and
expectations have widely changed thanks to the use of phones, internet and
rapidity of media linguistic exchange, leading people to rely mostly on
rational and informative ways of communicating. As researchers have found,
the verbal channel comes handy when conveying general details that require
a fast and practical approach: “wash the dishes”, “take the children to
school”, “I need water”, “I don’t feel good, I think I’ll stay in the bed”.
On the other hand, the non-verbal channel has a greater role in negotiating
interpersonal attitudes and in some cases it completely replaces the spoken
word. Just consider the way a mother can zap a child’s run to the second
round of the party’s buffet just by looking at him and without letting the other
participants notice the exchange of information - and emotions. Or, again,
think about the way fortune tellers are able to read people’s future: is it really
the future, or are they using the well-known “cold reading” technique, that
enables them to read people’s reactions and body language simply by
observing and decoding information. Although these examples may seem
easy and of general understanding, most people are, if not totally at least
partially, unaware of how body language works, as well as its signs, cues and
the impact on others.
Starting from the basics, most of the signs are generally consistent: we smile
when we are happy, we cry when we are sad, we nod when we agree and we
shake our heads to say no. These last two in particular are related to the infant
stage, when the child would turn its head away once it had enough milk and
learns that shaking the head is associated with disagreement. Taking the lead
from the Darwin’s theory that facial expressions are universal, Michael
Argyle identified five universal aspects of nonverbal communication:
● Firstly, all cultures employ the same body parts for nonverbal
expression.
● Secondly, nonverbal communication serves as a means to convey
consistent information, including emotions and societal norms.
● Thirdly, the underlying motives for employing nonverbal
communication are analogous across diverse cultures.
● Fourthly, nonverbal communication is integrated into art and rituals in
conjunction with verbal communication.
● Lastly, nonverbal communication plays a role in coordinating
contextual nuances within relationships.
This first type of cues is easy to recognise: happiness, anger, sadness, disgust,
surprise and fear are commonly conveyed with the same face movements.
This does not imply that they are the same for everyone, it just highlights the
fact that they are generally, biologically and socially displayed in a certain
known way. Although not everyone who laughs is happy, and not everyone
that is happy laughs, these first six cues are the baseline of non-verbal
communication’s cues.
The second type of signs is definitely harder to spot, especially for an
uneducated eye. They are called idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors and refer
to all those body gestures that are unique to a particular person and may not
conform to typical or universally recognized nonverbal cues.
Instead, they reflect a person's distinct style or way of conveying emotions,
thoughts, or messages. When looking attentively at one's actions, it is
possible to detect his or her behavioral patterns: we can think of these like the
emotional and unconscious algorithm’s work on the body. For example,
imagine being in the presence of a friend, let's call them Sarah. When Sarah
feels nervous or anxious she taps her index finger against their thumb
repeatedly, creating a subtle clicking sound. This behavior is unique to Sarah
and not commonly seen in others. When she does this, it's her way of self-
soothing or coping with anxiety.
For most people, this specific finger-tapping gesture is not a recognized or
understood nonverbal cue. It's idiosyncratic because it's a personal behavior
that Sarah developed as a way to manage her emotions. To understand the
meaning behind it, you as a friend of hers, would need to know Sarah well
and maybe precisely for this you are able to interpret her emotions through
her personal body language. In contrast, more universal nonverbal behaviors
like smiling to express happiness or nodding to indicate agreement are easily
recognized and understood by people from various cultures because they are
commonly accepted and shared across different societies.
Idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors can include subtle facial expressions, body
movements, gestures, repetitions or even vocal inflections that are not easily
understood because they are not part of the cultural or social norms for
communication in that specific society, but that come with a person’s
character and identity as a whole. It goes without saying that these behaviors
may develop over time and can be influenced by a personality, experiences,
and upbringings. Non-verbal cues can include the way someone sits, how a
person maintains or doesn’t maintain eye contact, how they are speaking,
moving and engaging their body while speaking or listening to their
interlocutor. We can name the most common:
1. Facial expressions: for example, if someone squints, flares their
nostrils or raises their eyebrows may (or may not) be showing signs
of disagreement, surprise, distress or even anger.
2. Eye contact: the amount and intensity of eye contact can signal
interest, engagement, or even discomfort in a conversation.
3. Gestures: hand movements, such as waving, pointing, or thumbs-
up, can add meaning or emphasis to verbal communication.
4. Posture: how a person carries themselves - whether they slouch or
stand tall, for example can convey confidence, openness, or
defensiveness.
5. Proximity: the physical distance observed between individuals can
indicate their level of intimacy, comfort, or personal boundaries.
6. Touch: the use of physical touch, like a handshake, hug, or pat on
the back, can communicate warmth, support, or affection.
7. Tone of voice: the pitch, volume, and intonation of speech can
convey emotions (e.g., sarcasm, excitement, irritation) and meaning
(e.g., asking a question or making a statement).
8. Microexpressions: these are brief, involuntary facial expressions
that reveal genuine emotions and are often difficult to hide.
9. Head nods and shakes: nodding the head typically indicates
agreement or understanding, while shaking the head may signify
disagreement or confusion.
10. Fidgeting or stillness: body movements, like tapping fingers or
bouncing a leg, can indicate nervousness or impatience, while
sitting very still may suggest deep concentration or tension.
11. Artifacts: personal items, such as jewelry, accessories, or even a
person's choice of smartphone, can convey information about their
taste, values, or affiliations.
One of the main misconceptions when observing cues is the inaccurate
assumptions made about someone else’s culture and the significance of their
gestures compared to their social and cultural expectations, habits and
traditions. Nevertheless, there are over a million non-verbal cues and signals
and all of them should be read in the context in which they are presented.
This is why, paraphrasing a famous saying, you should never judge a man by
his handshake: his limp hand might be related to his weakness of character…
Or muscles. Someone with a health condition is not going to vigorously
shake your hand, this does not mean they are weak in character: they might
just be concerned about the possibility of being in pain afterwards.
C H A P T E R 2
The Role of Intuition
Non-verbal communication is a multifaceted phenomenon encompassing a
myriad of cues that extend beyond spoken language. While extensive
research has illuminated the science behind these cues, a significant portion
of our ability to understand and interpret non-verbal signals relies on
intuition. It operates at a subconscious level, enabling swift assessments of
the emotional climate in a given interaction. For example, some people can
even guess - somewhat correctly - which language a person is speaking just
by looking at the movements and gestures of their hands (and one of these
was the scientist Ray Birdwhistell, who pioneered kinesics, a methodology
focused on the communicative aspects learned and conveyed through body
movements.).
Others, the ones that are often called “perceptive” of “intuitive” or even
“mentalist”, are able to tell if someone lied based on a so-called “gut feeling”.
This “hunch” often translates in a more or less unconscious ability to detect
cues in body language and pair those with the contradiction of spoken words.
Thus, in reading non-verbal cues, intuition serves as a rapid and often
accurate means of gauging the sentiments of others, facilitating more nuanced
and empathetic communication.
On the other hand, empathy, an undoubtedly essential skill for an effective
interpersonal relationship, hinges on the ability to connect with others on an
emotional level. Nonetheless, it plays a pivotal role in the process of non-
verbal communication. On one hand, it offers a conduit through which
individuals can convey understanding, validation, and support to the other; on
the other hand, it helps explore the nuances of body communication,
intercepting the truth behind gestures more precisely and, last but not least,
detect deception from honesty. When individuals employ non-verbal cues
such as maintaining eye contact, mirroring body language, or offering
comforting gestures - such as patting on the back of a coworker that just
learned they were dismissed -, they demonstrate a willingness to engage on
an emotional plane. Of course these non-verbal signals are vital tools for
building trust among peers, allowing individuals to forge deeper connections
by attuning to the unspoken needs and feelings of others. In the realm of body
language, however, the skillful use of empathy fosters not only social
interaction, but also one’s ability to understand non-verbal cues.
One of the arrows in empathy’s skills quiver is active listening. Often
regarded as the cornerstone of effective communication, the ability to listen
actively extends beyond verbal comprehension. It encompasses a profound
and conscious attention to non-verbal cues emitted by speakers, which can
reveal nuanced layers of meaning. Active listeners not only focus on spoken
words but also keenly observe facial expressions, gestures, and movements
(or stillness). By doing so, they gain insights into the speaker's emotional
state, real intentions, and unexpressed concerns. When coupled with
appropriate non-verbal responses, such as nodding in agreement or
maintaining eye contact, active listening conveys a genuine commitment to
understanding what one’s trying to say, creating a relaxed atmosphere and
encouraging openness in the exchange.
This happens, for example, in Japanese culture, where with listening comes a
repertoire of polite noises and greeting smiles: this is often misinterpreted as
a way to show agreement. Spoiler: it is not. In behaving like this, the
Japanese intend to show attention to the speaker. They are saying “keep
talking”, and not “we agree”. But the nod in the Western world especially, in
the whole world generally, is commonly associated with “yes”.
In our interconnected world, encounters with individuals from diverse
cultural backgrounds are increasingly common. As we previously said, while
some non-verbal cues exhibit universality in their interpretations, many are
contextually and culturally bound. Gestures, facial expressions, and personal
space preferences can vary greatly across cultures, leading to potential
misunderstandings if not navigated with sensitivity.
Without traveling too far from European’s culture, we find that the “V” sign
with the middle and index fingers, common in the U.S. as well as in other
countries, is associated with victory and peace. Far from being universal, the
same sign in Britain and Australia literally means “F- off ”.
For this reason it is not hard to imagine why the study of non-verbal
communication goes beyond mere observation. Rather, it delves into the
scientific underpinnings of human behavior analysis - culture, social norms
and context taken into account. Researchers in fields such as psychology,
sociology, and neuroscience have probed the intricacies of non-verbal cues,
shedding light on the mechanisms that govern our non-verbal expressions.
Through empirical studies, they have identified patterns in facial expressions,
body movements, vocal intonations and habits that correspond to specific
emotions, intentions, or states of mind. By delving into the neurological and
psychological aspects of non-verbal communication, scientists have found,
for example, that smiling intentionally can produce brain activity towards
spontaneous happiness, as Richard Davidson proved. Again, a research
brought up by Arnie Cann showed that laughter and humor has a positive
influence on fighting stress and early depression.
These researches show how scientific understanding has enabled the
development of tools and
techniques for more precise behavior analysis. If we know “how humor
heals”, we can imagine it being used as a coping mechanism to fight
profound sadness or discomfort - and recognize the pattern in our speaker.
Practical Exercises to Enhance Your Reading
Abilities
To master the art of non-verbal communication, one must engage in practical
exercises designed to hone their reading abilities. These exercises serve as
hands-on training, allowing individuals to apply their knowledge of non-
verbal cues in real-world scenarios. Activities such as role-playing, video
analysis, and simulated interpersonal interactions enable participants to
practice deciphering non-verbal signals effectively.
A simple exercise: hold up your hand to show number five. Done? Now
number two. Chances are that if you are European you’ve just shown your
thumb and index finger and that if you are Anglo-Saxon your middle and
index finger. Why? Because Europeans learn to count from the thumb. This
is what happened in Inglorious Basterds, when the undercover agent decides
to offer a round of whiskey and orders “three glasses” indicating the number
“three” with his index, middle, and ring fingers, in the English manner.
But how can you improve your observation skills? Simple: observation is like
a muscle. Train it and it will grow stronger. In order to do so you must start
looking at the world more consciously, make concerned observations with the
aim of becoming aware of the mechanism of the world outside yourself. Use
all of your senses, not just sight. When I was younger I used to give private
lessons to a teenager. His house always smelled like a coffin: a molded
coffin, as if the place was steel-shut from ages. He was a shy gal, somewhat
unexpectedly irritable but very intelligent and diligent - which didn’t resonate
with his poor grades. His tone of voice was aulic and serious while studying,
as if he was 15 years older, grave and vexed if the mother interrupted his
speaking, and trembling shrill when distressed, often paired with heavy sweat
if caught red-handedly unprepared on a subject. Later on I understood that his
mother's anxiety and fear of the outside world was displayed through an
obsessive need of “keeping things inside”: fumes, odors and the whole kid as
well. And maybe the poor boy intentionally started doing bad at school for
the sake of evasion. See? Use of senses, observation, attentive listening,
questioning, empathy and psychology all in one sitting: this is what we need
to learn to do if we want to uncover the secrets of body language until you’ll
be able to reach the mischievous realm of microexpressions.
Microexpressions, often lasting just a fraction of a second, are fleeting facial
expressions that provide invaluable insights into concealed emotions. These
subtle non-verbal cues (slight contractions or changes in facial muscles)
occur involuntarily and can reveal an individual's genuine feelings even when
they attempt to mask them. Recognizing and interpreting microexpressions
requires acute observation skills and a deep understanding of the emotions
they represent. For example, a microexpression of contempt might involve a
subtle curl of the lip, dislike might come with the crinkle of the nose or a
subtle smirk, a different sentiment on the speaker’s communication display
might come with a dormant hand, and so on. All these microgestures and
expressions are an indicator rather difficult to catch but, with practice, are
able to tell us more than we could possibly grasp from a speaking mouth.
As we’ve seen, beyond words, the tone of voice serves as a critical
component of non-verbal communication. It encompasses the pitch, volume,
timbre and modulation of one's speech, adding layers of meaning and
emotion to verbal messages. Tone of voice can convey a wide range of
sentiments, from enthusiasm and confidence to anger and sadness.
Importantly, it often reveals the emotional nuances that words alone may fail
to capture. For instance, when we are comfortable, there is synchrony in our
non-verbal behavior. The tone and pitch of our speech will mirror each
other’s, but if there is no harmony in the voice, it is highly unlikely that there
will be in the way we sit, in our gestures and expressions towards each other.
Similarly, if someone tells me to stop doing what I am doing with a trembling
voice but with a finger pointed at me, chances are I keep doing what I am
doing.
Understanding the significance of tone of voice empowers individuals to
interpret communication more accurately and detect body behavior’s
significance. Posture, an often overlooked yet powerful non-verbal cue, can
provide valuable insights into an individual's emotional and psychological
state. Changes in posture can indicate discomfort, unease, or even
submissiveness. A general example: slumped shoulders and a lowered head
may signify feelings of defeat or vulnerability, while a rigid, defensive
posture can indicate defensiveness or resistance. More specifically, crossing
arms and legs can be a sign of nervousness or anxiety, but they will say it is
more comfortable posing this way, and we should believe them: when
someone gets defensive or feels insecure, “crossed arms and legs feel
comfortable because it matches their emotional state”1.
Being aware of the nuances of posture enables individuals to understand
others' needs and emotions and link them, as correctly as possible, to their
physical behavior.
Eye contact is a fundamental aspect of non-verbal communication, conveying
a wealth of information about a person's emotional state and intentions.
Afterall, the eyes are often referred to as the “windows to the soul” for their
ability to reveal authenticity and depth of feelings. In the realm of body
language, prolonged and steady eye contact can signify confidence, sincerity,
and engagement. This is one of the main reasons a good liar never breaks eye
contact with their victim: we expect them to feel “guilty” or “afraid of their
own lie”, so we imagine their body language will show this self-doubt with
avoidance.
This is because we tend to believe that avoiding eye contact may indicate
discomfort, shyness, or deception. For example, liars and also children tend
to cover or rub their eyes to disguise their lying attempts and to create
distance between them and the other person (especially if they are someone
unwanted): it is the brain's endeavor to block the view of something
distasteful or unpleasant.
We see everything with our eyes… and our hands. Hand gestures are a rich
source of non-verbal communication, often used to complement and reinforce
spoken language. As we know, the meanings of these gestures can vary
widely across cultures and contexts. For instance, a
thumbs-up gesture is commonly interpreted as a sign of approval or
agreement in many Western cultures, but it can hold different connotations in
other parts of the world. Analyzing hand gestures involves considering their
cultural and situational significance, as well as their alignment with verbal
messages. This happens between men and women as well: men are more
prepared to “shake” a new person’s hand when introducing themselves,
whereas women tend to look at their face first. Dwelling on greetings habits,
the position of the hand during a handshake can convey many different
grades of intimacy: by placing your hand on the shoulder of the other person
while shaking their hand, you are foremost communicating high levels of
confidence and closeness towards the other; whereas, if the hand was to stay
in the wrist area, the message would be “I know you, I am here to listen to
you, I am strong and self-aware of our circumstances”. As we can see there
are many different nuances in body language. In the next-closing-section we
will explore some examples of successful people reading case studies.
Case Studies of Successful People Reading
Real-life case studies offer compelling illustrations of how individuals have
leveraged their adeptness in reading non-verbal cues to achieve success in
various domains. These case studies showcase instances where individuals
have effectively employed non-verbal communication reading skills in
leadership, negotiation, conflict resolution, and other professional and
personal contexts. By examining these success stories, readers can glean
valuable insights into the practical application of non-verbal communication,
learning from the experiences of those who have harnessed its power to excel
in their respective fields. Paul Ekman, a psychologist and expert of facial
expression, wrote a book called Telling Lies Clues to Deceit in the
Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage. In his book, he provided many examples
of cues and signs that help navigate the world of non-verbal
communication… and lies.
He brought the example of Clifford Irving’s investigation2: during the
confrontation with Hughes, he was asked to answer the same questions over
and over again. This might come obvious to some, unreasonable to others,
but the reason is very simple: an honest man will tell the same story with
small discrepancies each time. Forgetting is human. But when confronted
over these inconsistencies, Cliff was open to explain and admit them. Ekman
was then able to understand that Cliff ’s body language and story was sincere:
thanks to his studies and years of academic research, he could see through
Cliff's intentions and verify his story.
Joe Navarro, an Ex-FBI Agent, and Marvin Karlins, Ph.D., wrote a book
called What every Body is Saying, where he examines people’s body
language thanks to his experience in the armed forces. He reports the case of
a young woman raped on the Parker Indian Reservation in Arizona. When a
suspect came in and was questioned, his words were convincing and his story
looked plausible. While giving his testimony, Joe kept his eyes on him: when
the suspect told officers he left the field and came home, going left, he
mistakenly signed right with his hand. And yes, that was the direction were
the rape occurred. This showed a great discrepancy with his testimony: his
verbal said “I went left” but his nonverbal corrected him “hand gesturing to
the right”. After confrontation, the suspect confessed the crime.
1
Pease A., Pease B., The definitive book of body Language , 2004, Buderim, Allan Pease
International, p. 216
C H A P T E R 3
Decoding Facial Expressions
Now that we have introduced the main concepts and areas of interest of non-
verbal communication, let’s break down each element for further
comprehension. Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotion in Man and
Animals (1872/1998) was the first essay that introduced the universality of
facial expressions. After that, many other researchers, such as Allport (1924),
Woodworth (1938), Plutchik (1962) and Tomkins (1963) and later of Ekman
(1960s; 1970s) suggested not only the universality of facial expressions’
interpretation but also the relevance of the first on the understanding of
human nature.
Another finding of these researches, mainly of Ekman and Friesen (1978) and
Izard (1977), was to set an unit of measurement of facial expressions and
therefore facial activity directly, without electromyography - largely used
before but also very intrusive and less precise, since it was not able to detect
fake smiles. But what are the distinct facial expressions of emotion?
Historically, we recognize seven main emotions: joy, anger, fear, disgust,
surprise, sadness and contempt. With the exception of the last one, each of
these emotions was replicated in other studies all around the globe. Today,
Ekman's theory, which includes a list of universally recognized facial
expressions such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, disgust, joy,
rage, shame, anguish, and interest, is supported by global recognition, and
added to its list discomfort: regardless the culture, age or social class it is
proven that human can recognize when someone’s not feeling like it.
In modern days, researchers have broadened their understanding of facial
expressions of emotion by delving deeper into the temporal dynamics of
expressions and paying attention to gaze, head movements, and postural
activity. This led to exploring the body enactment of shame, embarrassment,
sympathy and they interpreted and decoded laughter, smiling, blush, the
tongue protrusion, and so on, and found that all of these convey precise
emotions. But are all smiles the germane enactment of related happiness?
How can someone detect the falsity of an act to the truthfulness of a gesture?
The body employs what researchers have called micro-signals: small,
involuntary and unconscious gestures that reveal the honesty and/or the
fallacy of words. But they are to be interpreted. Open palms are typically
linked with sincerity, but if someone who is being deceptive presents open
palms and smiles while telling a falsehood, their subtle nonverbal cues will
reveal their dishonesty.
If you ever find yourself in a situation like this and want to test it, try this:
when observing them, watch for signs like pupil constriction, a raised
eyebrow, or a twitching corner of the mouth.
These subtle cues run counter to the open palm gesture and the seemingly
sincere smile. As a result, particularly among women, there is a heightened
tendency to doubt the veracity of their words. But what are the main micro-
expressions that tell us someone is truly feeling that feeling? Associated with
the seven basic emotion, there are precise microexpressions:
o Eyes quickly widen in a reflexive attempt to gather more information.
Simultaneously, a slight raising of the eyebrows, as if trying to increase
their field of vision, appears as their mouth subtly tenses, often with a
tightening of the lips. We are in front of the emotion of fear.
o A momentary wrinkling of the nose, creating vertical lines above the
bridge, accompanied by a slight curling inwards and upwards of the
upper lip, narrowing of the eyes, and the protrusion of the tongue: all of
these expressions reveal their utter disgust. Facial displays of disgust are
often very honest and reflect quite directly the brain's activity; it is
conveyed first and foremost on the face. This is because our faces are
evolutionarily and biologically biased to reject rotten or unpleasant food
that may harm us.
o Not only a brief downward turn of the corners of the mouth, creating a
noticeable frown, not only the eyelids may droop slightly, giving the
eyes a heavier appearance… but also the absolute disregard of personal
appearance: sadness has such an impact on the brain that is often
associated with illness, for it almost requires the same amount of brain
activity to be cared about. A lack of personal hygiene and/or grooming
can help us understand someone’s health and mind.
o Surprise: some cultures such as Japanese, West Irian and Dani people
cannot distinguish fear from surprise. Surprise is characterized by a
sudden widening of the eyes, often accompanied by a quick, upward
movement of the eyebrows. Someone may also rapidly drop their jaw in
reaction to the unexpected. The Eyebrow Flash, in particular, is probably
linked to the hardly separable bond between fear and surprise, it says “I
am surprised and afraid of you - I acknowledge your presence and I am
not dangerous”: for this reason, people do the eyebrow flash to the ones
they like and those who don’t show it are perceived as potentially
aggressive.
o The sneer, a quick narrowing of the eyes, making their gaze more focused
and intense. The lips are pressed together firmly, and there's noticeable
tension in the jaw muscles: someone is definitely angry. For example,
The Hands-on-Hips is a generally recognized sign that you are in trouble:
that person is ready for a resolute attack, especially when arms are half
raised. Distance or other impediments to closeness can also be a clear
indicator of the escalation of anger. How many times during our teenage
years did we get mad at our teacher? And have you noticed how many
times one of the main obstacles to resolution was the distance -
aggravated by the desks, the front position of the teaching post and the
hierarchy it imposed - the teacher kept between us? Anger levels are
shown not only with facial expressions, but also with body stillness.
o A sneer says a lot about what someone is thinking of you: “I couldn’t care
less”. Likewise, the rolling of eyes, the sneer is universally associated
with contempt. It conveys disrespect, a lack of empathy or care, and is
generally manifested through the buccinator muscles on the sides of our
face. These muscles are responsible for contracting the lip corners
sideways and toward the ears, often producing dimples in the cheeks: if
someone sneers, you can bet that the relationship with that person is
troubled, at least. Also, if someone holds the nose high and looks down
on the interlocutor then it is highly likely they are snobbing them, as the
high posture of the nose reflects the speaker’s status and contempt
towards the other person - this behavior is often shown in politicians and
people with a high job-position.
o A genuine smile of happiness involves a fast and upward movement of
the corners of the mouth, creating a visible and heartfelt exposure of
teeth. Not only the lips-area, but also the eyes may also crinkle at the
outer corners, forming women’s beloved “crow's feet”. When our
grandma told us to put on a happy face or to show our pearly whites, she
intuitively knew that these behaviors would produce a positive reaction
in other people. Smiles are controlled by the zygomatic major muscles
and the orbicularis oculi, the first to expose teeth and enlarge cheeks, the
second to make eyes narrow. When exploring happiness in people's
faces, remember this: zygomatic major are intentionally controlled,
which means they are also used to fake smiles and enjoyment. It is the
orbicularis oculi that acts independently and reveals the truthfulness of
the smile. So if you want to know if your wife is really happy to go with
you at the football game, check those crow's feet first and don’t let
yourself be fooled by that smiling mouth.
Decoding facial expressions might be difficult mainly due to the fact that the
visage can convey much, yet it can also deceive. We recommend you to
search for the so-called “clusters of behavior” and, in the meantime,
constantly assess what you see while comparing facial expressions to body
behaviors: do they align with each other? Or do they speak different
languages? To enhance your technique, try to put yourself in the other
person’s shoes and endeavor to understand how it makes you feel: reenact
them and listen to yourself, you will find out sooner or later what they are
truly feeling.
Eyes Tell(s) the Truth
If it is true that the truth lies in the eyes of the beholder, then we can easily
imagine how the gaze and, more precisely, eyes configurations can help us
understand whether someone is lying or not. Neuro-Linguistic Programming
(NLP) gave rise to the hypothesis that eye positions and directions are linked
to the differentiation between truth-telling and deception. NLP, a system
formulated in 1975 by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, also served as the
catalyst for an investigation into the relationship between eye positions and
the processing of information. They stated that when someone is engaged in
information retrieval from memory they would direct their gaze towards the
upper right corner of their visual field, so “visually recalling” their memory.
On the other hand, when someone is engaged in the process of constructing
an idea - therefore not derived from memory - they would tend to direct the
gaze toward the upper left corner of their visual field, a phenomenon termed
“visual construct”. Furthermore, when an individual recalls a sound, they
would exhibit lateral eye movement towards the right, denoted as “verbal
recall”. On the contrary, if they were envisioning a non-existing or new
sound, such as a parrot singing happy birthday, they would display lateral eye
movement to the left, a response categorized as “verbal construct”. Eye
movements and position play a great role in body language. Also, we don’t
have control over our pupils: if they dilate, that shows our appreciation for
something; if they constrict, we are most likely not fond of them. For
example, eye blocking is a common behavior of people that feel threatened
and want to look away. To do so, we squint - the deliberate action of closing
or shielding our eyes - in order to defend the brain from encountering
undesirable visual stimuli and to convey our disapproval or disdain towards
others.
When someone is asked to answer questions but squints, that is a sign to keep
questioning: the truth lies behind that eye-blocking, and you must uncover it.
When individuals live unsettling situations, it is not uncommon for some of
them to instinctively lower their eyebrows. This particular action holds
significance in the realm of non-verbal communication, as it shows low
confidence and the presence of negative emotions, such as vulnerability and
insecurity. On the flip side, the positioning of arched eyebrows carries a
distinct connotation. It is emblematic of high confidence and a harbinger of
positive feelings. This gravity-defying behavior projects an air of assurance
and strength in a person.
Eyes are undoubtedly important in body language, but are not alone: in the
next paragraph we will uncover the mysteries of the mouth-area.
On Everyone’s Lips
The other day I was talking to my boss and I noticed my mouth was dry and I
kept yawning (internally), and I immediately recalled my dog educator
explaining to me that animals tend to yawn to show discomfort. I was not
only unconsciously taking a deep breath, but also was trying to activate my
salivary glands and hydrate my dry lips to ease my anxiety. Why? Because I
was feeling uncomfortable in the presence of my boss. People can say many
words with their mouths, but they can also show even more different
emotions: when someone says a positive thing about someone else, but their
jaw muscles are tense and their smile is timid… they're probably hiding
another truth.
Genuine and unreserved feelings of happiness are distinctly reflected in both
the face and neck. The manifestations of positive emotions are revealed
through several nuanced cues: the softening of furrowed lines on the
forehead, the relaxation of muscles around the mouth, the emergence of full
lips devoid of compression or tension, and the widening of the eye area as the
surrounding muscles ease, ecc. This is because in moments of genuine
relaxation and comfort, our facial muscles naturally unwind, and our head
tends to tilt to the side, thereby exposing one of the most vulnerable areas, the
neck. This particular gesture constitutes a high-comfort display, often
witnessed during courtship rituals, and it proves challenging to replicate
when one is plagued by discomfort, tension, suspicion, or a sense of threat.
Stress can play a great role in people, this is particularly true for body-
language. Disappearing lips are very common among those who feel stress
and it is a subconscious reaction of the brain. It is trying to shut down and
close the body perimeter because it is dealing with serious issues inside:
something is wrong, and they are probably under a lot of stress.
Full lips, on the other hand, show that everything is file; when the lips are
pressed and the corner of the mouth are upside-down, we are in the presence
of high distress. The best part (if you can find one)? This behavior is not
intentionally replicable: it is a limbic response hard to mimic and often
highlights negating thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, if someone’s
lip are not quite disappeared but rather are “purses” or “pucked”, then it is
often a sign of disagreement with someone and that they are already thinking
of a possible change or alternative idea to it, or completely rejecting what is
being said. Last but not least: the tongue. Watch out for tongue-jutter: this is
usually seen among those who believe they have gotten away with
something, therefore they might have implicitly said to you “Gotcha!”. In the
next chapter we will analyze strategies to improve your facial expressions
recognition to detect hidden emotions in neutral expressions.
Practical Exercises to Improve Facial Expression
Analysis
We have already stressed the importance of taking into consideration both
context and culture when interpreting facial expressions, but don’t forget to
always pair words with gestures. We encourage critical thinking and
discussions precisely because it is really hard to understand body language
and, sometimes, cues and signs can be misleading. Discrepancies between
words and gestures are a clear sign that something is off, but it is pivotal to
learn to interpret these discrepancies correctly, or we could start to accuse of
falsity a tearless widow just because we wrongly translated her silence with
indifference. So, how can you improve your observation skills? We propose 2
exercises to better your facial expressions recognition ability:
1. Interactive Role-Playing
Role-playing scenarios give you the opportunity to embody various emotions
and observe how your expressions change.
Step 1: Pair up
Find a partner or a small group of participants to work with. Each person will
take turns playing different roles while the other(s) observe and analyze their
facial expressions.
Step 2: Choose emotions
Select a range of emotions to work with. Start easy: happiness, sadness,
anger, fear, surprise, and disgust; as you become more comfortable, you can
explore more complex emotions.
Step 3: Act out emotions
One person in the pair or group will act out a specific emotion without using
any verbal communication, focusing solely on expressing the chosen emotion
through their facial expressions.
Step 4: Observe and Analyze
The observer(s) should carefully watch the actor's facial expressions, paying
attention to changes in the eyes, mouth, and overall demeanor. Take note of
any microexpressions or subtle cues.
Step 5: Discussion
After each role-play session, have a discussion about the observed facial
expressions. Ask questions such as: What specific facial cues did you notice
when portraying or observing the emotion? Were there any microexpressions
or subtle changes that stood out?
2. Real-Life Observation and Practice
To refine your facial expression recognition skills, there's no substitute for
real-life practice in the real-world. In this exercise, you will engage in
practical observation and interaction, starting from daily life activities.
Step 1: Observation
Begin by paying close attention to the facial expressions of people you
encounter and incorporate mindful observation on their behaviors.
Step 2: Keep a Journal
Maintain a journal or digital note-taking app dedicated to documenting your
observations and note specific facial expressions and your interpretations of
the emotions they convey.
Step 3: Engage in conversations
Actively engage in conversations with friends, family, or acquaintances to
observe the subtle changes in their facial expressions.
Step 4: Self-reflection
After each conversation or observation, take a moment for self-reflection.
Ask yourself questions like: What emotions did I observe during the
interaction? Were there any microexpressions or subtle cues that indicate
underlying emotions?
Step 5: Seek feedback
Encourage open communication with those close to you. Ask them for
feedback on your ability to recognize their facial expressions accurately
during conversations. Their input can offer valuable insights.
To make it easier, in the next part we propose an example: the case of Amber
Heard and Johnny Depp.
Case study - Depp vs Heard
The legal dispute between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard is a highly
publicized case that has garnered significant attention. Among the various
allegations and counter-allegations, especially in the social media world,
hordes of non-verbal communication experts gave their insight on the
behavior of both parties and their facial expressions and emotions have come
under deep scrutiny. In one occasion, the court listened to Dr. Shannon Curry
testimony, a clinical psychologist hired by Johnny Depp's legal team, and
while she stated that miss Heard bipolar disorder led her to attack one of her
friends, Amber behavior was more than interesting to analyze.
At first, she had her face highly distended, almost too much, as if she tried to
look cool, polished, and secure, with her eyebrows high on the forehead.
Then, as soon as the attack was mentioned, on the words “out of the blue”,
her forehead wrinkled, confused and in disagreement. Suddenly, she looked
over her shoulder, gazing among the audience, proceeded to make a rapid
sneer and then again looked in the audience, nodded, and kept writing, now
with the mouth slightly open in a purse that became a sneer. But what does it
mean?
The look over the shoulder is generally associated with lack of confidence,
preoccupation, concern and the unexpected. She was scanning the audience,
looking for approval and acceptance, maybe even connection. As she found it
- seemingly - she showed contempt, a sneer (a microexpression), as she was
saying “knock it off ”: the displeasure, as if she was really bothered about
what the doctor was saying, showed that she perceived that as a threat,
making her angry, maybe because as unexpected as it was made her lose
control. Apart from this, remember: the Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard case
is a complex legal matter with allegations of dishonesty on both sides. It's
essential to acknowledge that facial expressions alone may not definitively
prove or disprove the veracity of claims, and a comprehensive assessment
requires consideration of all available evidence.
Recognizing emotional suppression
How many times have it occurred that, while our heart was pumping and our
breath rapidly increasing, we had to stay cool and hide our true feelings - by
suppressing them? Yes, it may seem odd, but it is quite common to not only
hide but also to kill our own sentiments towards something. And sometimes
the intensity of the feelings make us unable to completely hide the truth and,
as Frued said, “the suppression of the speaker's intention to say something is
the indispensable condition for the occurrence of a slip of the tongue”. What
is to consider in not only the occurrences where the speaker is intentionally
lying, but also those situations where they are not: they’re not aware of it, so
they slip. These cases demonstrate how so-called Freudian slips can be
deceptive when associated with conscious lying: not everyone who
experiences a slip is lying, and not everyone who lies experiences a slip.
Other ways of suppressing emotions can be shown when someone smiles
through discomfort, hence creating a noticeable incongruence between the
lips and the eyes, shows microexpressions of pain - a fleeting wince,
narrowing of the eyes, or a grimace, or in the tightening of the jaw and
clenching of teeth, where anger or frustration find in these body parts a safety
valve. Also, avoiding eye contact, especially in the presence of guilt or
shame, the gaze might shift downward or to the side, reflecting the attempt to
hide their true feelings.
Recognizing these signals becomes useful especially in situations where
knowing how to adapt to the emotional environment of those present is
important for the success of the relational encounter. Our interlocutor might
be feeling down, but at the same time they might prefer to keep this
information for themselves; the reasons may vary - but the suppression of
their emotions triggers a series of microexpressions that can help you
navigate the best options to approach to their sadness, making that encounter
as pleasant as possible. As we draw the curtain on this chapter, I’d like to
stress the profound significance of mastering the art of discerning
microexpressions, facial expressions, and the intricate language of emotions.
These skills not only enrich our interpersonal connections but also deepen our
comprehension of the profound tapestry of human feelings. In this ever-
evolving world, the ability to decode the unspoken messages of non-verbal
communication stands as a powerful tool for our every-day life. In the next
chapter we will talk about body-language and its practical nuances in male
and female behavior.
C H A P T E R 4
Interpreting Body Language
This chapter delves more profoundly into the world of body language. It
explores the importance of understanding body posture, gestures, and
movements by offering insights into their meanings, providing examples and
bringing real-life scenarios as examples. From the intricacies of mirroring
and rapport-building to reading body language in group settings, this chapter
provides practical knowledge and exercises to enhance your ability to
interpret non-verbal cues.
The Importance of Body Posture and Stance
Let’s start here: people know how they are supposed to sit and stand,
especially in a formal situation, such as during an investigation, an interview,
or the first dinner with the in-laws. As weird as it sounds, people seem to
have more control of their posture the more they are deceiving. Generally,
humans tend to move forward when they are interested or angry, and
backwards then they feel frightened or disgusted. Particularly, there are some
major not-so-obvious outlines that can help you recognise someone’s real
thoughts by observing their posture.
1. Open vs. Closed Body Language
We can divide body language posture scenarios into two distinct categories:
open and closed. Open body language typically involves a relaxed and
expansive posture. Arms may be uncrossed, and the torso is often facing the
other person, demonstrating an inclination toward engagement and
cooperation, and palms are visible and relaxed. Conversely, closed body
language manifests as a more defensive stance, where the arms may be
crossed, and the individual may turn their body away, indicating a desire for
distance or a guarded demeanor, as well as crossing their legs, almost like a
barrier. The position of legs can convey openness or closeness: for example,
similarly to the “arm barrier gesture”, that was originally meant to protect the
heart from attacks, crossed legs are a signal of defensiveness or negativity
that produce the attempt to protect the genitals3. Also the leg lock position
can give great understanding of a person’s nature: when the arm “lock” or
“grap” the leg in place, it is often a sign that the individual we are speaking
with is very competitive or dominant. During a meeting, it is advisable to
avoid this gesture to keep an understanding atmosphere in the office.
2. Gestures and hands movements
Gestures are the silent punctuation marks of our conversations. They add
emphasis, clarity, and layers of meaning to our verbal expressions. However,
the interpretation of gestures is not always straightforward; it is deeply
influenced by cultural, contextual, and individual factors… and emotions. As
we already know, an open palm is evolutionary associated with truth and
honesty. When criminals show their hands, it is to reassure that no arm is
intended - nor weapon present. Likewise, in day-to-day activity there are two
common palm gestures. The first involves an upward-facing palm, commonly
associated with a beggar requesting money or food. The second features a
downward-facing palm, conveying a sense of pressing down or restraining:
humans show their palms to show submission, they say “I am completely
honest with you”. There are many different gestures that it is important to
recognise. In the following page, you will find a few with a short explanation:
3 Patience: a distinction of this will be made in the next paragraph, when
analyzing women and men behavior differences.
➢ Rubbing the palms together: it can signify anticipation,
excitement, or readiness for action. It might be seen when someone
is looking forward to something or preparing to positively tackle a
task.
➢ Thumb and finger rub: rubbing the thumb against the fingertips
can indicate a person's desire for something valuable, such as
money or approval.
➢ Hands clenched together in tower and middle position:
generally, it can indicate frustration, stress, or a desire for self-
control. The height and pressure of the clenching can vary and
convey different levels of hostility. A high clench is usually more
negative than a middle or lower position, but all three are the
flipside of open palms, so...
➢ Steepling hands: confidence, self-assuredness, and a sense of
control. It’s common among individuals who are in positions of
authority and strength. The raised steeple is used when someone is
expressing their thoughts or ideas during a conversation (hence
confidence), whereas the lowered steeple is typically adopted while
listening (hence caution and/or skepticism). When the raised
steeple is accompanied by a backward tilt of the head, it may
convey presumption or arrogance. Notably, women tend to use the
lowered steeple position more frequently than the raised steeple.
➢ Gripping hands, arms, and wrists: the palm-in-palm gesture
generally shows confidence and relaxation, for it exposes “risky”
areas such as the heart and the stomach while remaining relaxed.
But pay attention to the position of the “grabbing hand”: the higher
the grab (wrist, upper-arm), the higher the anger, frustration and/or
sense of control needed during a stressful situation. What do they
say? Oh yes, “Get a good grip on yourself ”...
➢ Thumb display: the thumb display can indicate different levels
of confidence. For example, when it is in the coat pocket it might
suggest a more relaxed or self-assured demeanor, while someone
that keeps the thumbs protruding from back or front pocket is
showing dominance.
➢ Hands on the mouth (the mouthguard): placing hands on the
mouth can show the attempt to suppress speech or emotional
reactions. Often it is accompanied by a fake cough.
➢ Nose touching: it can be a sign of potential deception, indicating
that the person is not fully confident in what they are saying.
➢ The eye rub: this is often an attempt to block out unwanted sights
or emotions, as well as the words of a liar. In doing so, the speaker
avoids looking at the face of the person to whom he’s lying to.
➢ The ear rub: as for mouth and eye blocking, the ear rub has
similar meaning, hence “I don’t want to hear” or “I hear no evil”. If
someone bend the entire ear they might want to stop hearing and
take the floor.
➢ The neck scratch: as being a sign of doubt, it signifies “I don’t
totally agree with this”.
➢ The collar pull: with the desire to relieve tension, pulling the
collar is also associated with people who lie. The liar feels a
tingling sensation on the neck, as if the falsity of their words cause
the tickle, or the higher temperature of the body. Don’t be surprised
if after this gesture, that person asks to repeat what you’ve just said:
they’re trying to deceit.
➢ Fingers in the mouth: it resembles the soothing need of the child
to suck at their thumb, and it can be a sign of anxiety, insecurity, or
a need for reassurance.
➢ Hands on the chin and cheek: it can suggest that someone is
deep in thought, contemplating, or analyzing a situation, but also
that someone is bored to death. When the hand is completely
sustaining the face is undoubtedly a sign of tiredness and boredom,
as well as when the index finger points to the temple and the other
fingers are “punched” in the cheekbones. On the contrary, when the
hand is on the cheek it shows genuine interest. But when the index
finger is positioned vertically up to the cheek and the thumb
supports the chin, then I am sorry to tell you that there is a high
chance that your listener is not having good thoughts about your
speech.
➢ Chin stroking: it can indicate a person is carefully considering
their words or actions, often seen when someone is making a
decision.
➢ Pain in the neck gesture: it can be a sign of annoyance or
frustration, when the hand first slaps the back of the neck and only
then begins to rub it.
➢ Partial arm-cross barriers: it often helps the person to relive
emotional security of their childhood, but it can also signify a lack
of self-confidence and distance.
We tackled the main hand gestures and movements. In the next section, we
will discover the subjects of mirroring and rapport-building by using our
knowledge so far gained in the non-verbal communication domain.
Mirroring and Rapport-Building
Effective communication extends beyond mere words; it thrives on the
unspoken connections forged through body language. Isopraxism, a
fascinating phenomenon also known as “limbic
synchrony”, involves two individuals unconsciously mimicking each other’s
body language and movements. This often occurs without the awareness of
the person who is mirroring. It is observed across various cultures and
species, with its most prominent manifestation found in humans. Studies have
revealed its remarkable effectiveness in establishing rapport and fostering a
sense of trust and mutual understanding between individuals. The general
rule is that we mirror the other person’s behavior when we are feeling
comfortable: we lean towards each other to feel more connected to the other’s
personal space and body; we lean away from things we want to disconnect
from and that we don’t like. Mirroring, or isopraxis, starts when we are
babies and is registered in high-comfort social interactions. For example,
when we are talking to someone we like interacting with, it is highly likely
that our feet and legs will mirror those of the other person, or even touch
them. This is a proof of social harmony, where intimacy is rewarded and
clearly shown by mirroring behaviors: in other words, mirroring is an
unconscious way of signaling that we are in sync with the other person, both
in our actions and in our understanding.
1. Detecting discomfort and stress through body cues
Discomfort and stress often manifest through subtle body cues that escape
our conscious awareness. In order to understand what confort (happiness, joy,
relaxation) and discomfort (displeasure, anxiety, tension) mean, ask yourself:
is this person rapidly changing behaviors and body movements? Do they
appear relaxed and care-free? Or are they trying to look cool?
Learning to decipher these cues can be instrumental in understanding the
emotional landscape of those we interact with. Recognizing and addressing
these cues can lead to more empathetic and effective communication. For
example, we find the disguised arm-cross gestures: when an object is held in
someone’s hands (flowers, bag, phone) it can form a barrier to hide
embarrassment and discomfort, as well as the action of rubbing one’s hand in
the wrist of the other, maybe where there’s a watch or a bracelet.
2. Gender-Specific Body Language Differences
Body language can be influenced by gender-specific cultural norms and
societal expectations. For example, men often stand or sit with their legs
apart, showing dominance or assertiveness, while women tend to stand or sit
with their legs crossed. Not only to “hide” private parts and be comfortable,
but also to “keep together” their body parts in reassurance.
Furthermore, men tend to display less facial expressiveness in some
situations, aiming to appear stoic or in control of their emotions, while
women are often more free and diverse with their facial expressions, mainly
because they can better convey and notice warmth, empathy, or engagement.
Another difference between men and women gestures is associated with the
need of pacification: by covering or touching the suprasternal notch, women
show stress and fear, while men don’t typically touch this area when they are
fearful: men prefer touching the face, women prefer neck, hair and objects.
Men are more “stiff ” and “robust” in the way they pacify themselves,
whereas women tend to touch or play with the neck area, especially in the
presence of a necklace. Men, on the other hand, grasp and cup their necks
with their hands, in that point beneath the chin, where the vagus nerve is
found: this simple gesture slows down the heart rate and is often disguised by
the attempt of adjusting the collar or the tie knot.
3. Analyzing Seating Arrangements & Personal Space
The arrangement of seating and personal space preferences can reveal a
wealth of information about group dynamics and individual comfort levels.
The issue is: where and how you sit, in relation to other people, tells a lot
about the way you connect to them.
There are many table-sitting positions: the corner position, the co-operative
position, the competitive and defensive position and, last but not least, the “I
don’t want anything to do with you position”. As you may imagine, the
corner position is used by friends having a casual conversation, as it allows
good eye contact and closeness. The position of the table offers a division in
case someone feels threatened without making it territorial. The cooperative
position sees both parties sitting on the same side of the table: this is perfect
when playing a group game or to study together. The competitive position is
the one that sees one person sitting in front of the other and is mainly used
during games and formal interviews. Finally, the “I don’t want anything to do
with you position” is the one where we sit diametrically opposite to the other
person, showing either indifference or hostility.
This is why King’s Arthur round table was a great concept for meeting with
peers: it allows everyone to feel important, included and heard, without
giving the impression of power-struggle or dominance. Concluding this
section, let’s add this piece of information that will come handy for future
public presentations. If you are aiming at giving your best speech, remember:
studies show that the best face-side is your left one, because it is the other
person’s right visual field. The more you know.
4. Practical Exercises to Enhance Body Language
Interpretation
Incorporating practical exercises into your journey of body language
interpretation is invaluable and hands-on exercises are designed to refine
your ability to read non-verbal cues effectively.
How would you rearrange the design of your office in order to make it more
welcoming and reassuring? How would you change your house furniture’s
disposition to improve its warmth? What gestures would you make and/or
avoid to keep the vibe of the conversation pleasant? To answer these
questions, try to remember what you are trying to do: you need to think how
you, as a guest, friend, or stranger, would feel in “your” office, house and
presence.
If your office displays a desk where the other person cannot see your legs,
maybe change it to an open one; and if the back of their chair points to the
door - meaning they can’t see who’s coming in and out - you may want to
change the disposition. If you keep a hand locked on your ankle, or your arms
folded while they speak, you are probably making it harder for them to relax
and show their best potential. This is a list of both positive and negative body
gestures: test yourself and try to guess which one is positive and which is
negative by adding a “P” for positive and a “N” for negative in the near box.
Leaning slightly forward when listening
Tapping fingers or feet
Putting hand over the mouth
Keeping palms open and visible
Crossing arms
Grabbing the wrist
Rubbing the nose
Touching the ear
Showing thumbs out from pockets
Standing in front of a person that has their feet away from us
Crossed legs in men
Hands holding the cheek
Smashing and rubbing the neck
Mirroring the other person's gestures
Maintaining eye contact with a warm smile
Covering the ear while the other person is speaking
Engaging in active listening with head tilted slightly
Leaning away from someone
Touching the other person’s on the arm or shoulder
Chairs far away from each others
Hidden lips
Small pupils
Solutions: P, N, N, P, N, N, N, N, N, N, P, N, N, P, P, N, P, N, P, N, N, N.
5. Real-World Scenarios
Bringing theory into practice is essential for mastering body language
interpretation. And what better occasion than bringing on the table of analysis
my first interview.
I was a candidate for a position of front and back office, nothing special, but
body language and a great understanding of non-verbal communication was a
requested skill in the ideal candidate’s resume. I was answering some general
questions: where I conducted my studies, my foreign languages’ levels, my
communication skills and my previous working experience. Suddenly, as I
was answering a question related to having trouble finding positive ways of
keeping work-life balance, I noticed that the person doing my interview -
who kept a relaxed and composed posture up until then - took a great breath
with their nose and slightly raised their shoulders.
This made me stop talking. I realized that was a topic of great interest and I
started asking myself: what are they thinking in relation to this? It seems
important. So I asked: “How is work-life balance kept here? They stood in
silence. I noticed that their gaze, that never left mine until then, briefly
shifted. Their eyes started going sideways, more precisely on my right,
therefore their left. I immediately thought to myself “oh-oh”, this is going to
be interesting. They later on proceed to vaguely explain their situation in the
office, suddenly hiding their hands under the desk. That was all I needed to
know.
What’s the moral of the story? Always observe your surroundings when
making an interview - or conducting one - and make sure the other person’s
body language if not mirrors yours at least remain relaxed and open:
otherwise, you’re going to have a rude awakening, sooner or later.
Reading Body Language In Group Settings
When creating rapport it is important to recognize that oftentimes we are not
alone with our interlocutor. In bigger groups, it is almost more difficult - and
somewhat fascinating - to be able to read the room as it can uncover in
advance many different non-verbal cues.
Identifying Dominance and Submission
Group settings often witness subtle power struggles and hierarchies, which
are mirrored in body language. If you find yourself in a group of people and
you want to know “who has the power” or “who is the leader”, simply
observe to whom are the feet pointing to (especially the lead foot), or for
whom the room is silenced when that person speaks or, again, pay close
attention to mirroring behavior: who is the one that everyone is mirroring?
As for submission, smiling and shrugging the shoulders are both signs of
submission. But more importantly, remember that humans show their palms
to convey defeat or submission to the other person and, in modern days, to
reassure the other person that they are not a threat. In power struggles during
a conversation we often see that dominance is expressed with hands: when
someone closes their hand in a punch and leaves out only the index finger,
pointing it towards us it says “do as I say, or else!” and creates negative and
forcefully submissive feelings in the listener. When we shake someone’s
hand, especially during a new encounter, we usually make three different
unconscious thoughts:
● This person is trying to dominate me
● I can dominate this person
● This person feels easy-going
In the first case, the stranger will most likely turn the hand facing down on
yours, directing the shake below towards the ground. In the second case, you
will probably have the other person giving their hands, offering you control
of the shake direction, that will go most likely upwards.
In the third case, both hands shake up and down, neither facing the ground
and without strength, creating an equal and mutual respect. Confidence is a
trait that resonates strongly through body language. If someone is standing in
front of us, straight legs and arms hidden in the back, they are probably
saying to us “I don’t fear you”, for they are showing their vulnerability
without feeling threatened by us.
Open legs and palms, coats unbuttoned, relaxed appearance and one leg
leaned back and the other pointing the group: if you see this behavior, there’s
a high probability that this person is a friend of the group of people they are
talking to; their confidence and relaxation speak the truth. On the other side
of the gender river, researchers found that a woman that wears make-up feels
more confident (or is able to show it) more than one who doesn’t. Culturally
and socially, the use of make-up on women is associated with polished looks,
self-care and self-worth; although we can generally argue that it takes more
courage to show a clean face, the perception of people tells us otherwise. The
general perception of females' abilities still tend to pass through their
appearance, especially when men put them under scrutiny. During an
experiment, Allan and Barbara Pease found out that women who chose to
wear both makeup and glasses were often perceived as confident, intelligent
and sophisticated. However, some females viewed them as confident but
possibly aloof, arrogant, or conceited. This perception hinted at a potential
sense of competition among the women, as this perspective was not shared by
the males. On the other hand, those who opted for makeup without glasses
received favorable evaluations on their appearance and personal presentation
but received lower ratings in areas related to personal skills, such as active
listening and the ability to establish rapport. Knowing the differences of
perception between men and women, as well as their socially constructed
interpretation, can further help to navigate body language communication.
Nevertheless, successful communication within a group involves not only
reading others' body language but also adapting your own. Understanding the
art of flexibility in expression fosters better group dynamics and
collaboration. This is why realizing what a confident behavior is made of is
key to a successful conversation.
Next time you want to reassure the participants of a crowded conversation
remember to pay attention to their gestures and microexpressions: how are
they sitting? Where are their hands? Are they smiling with their eyes, too?
Where do you sit compared to them and how are you communicating? Are
your palms open, your legs straight and visible and your face relaxed?
If your answers depict a positive situation, then you can start mirroring their
gestures and find out if you are followed by their bodies: if this happens, you
have just won their attention and you have discovered how mirroring can
create a sense of unity and cooperation within a group. As we reach the end
of this chapter, we introduce the next: in the next pages, we will dwell into
the world of connection between words and emotions. We will listen to
hidden meanings by practicing active listening with the aim of mastering
persuasive speech techniques.
C H A P T E R 5
Verbal Cues and Speech Patterns
Now you know it: effective communication extends beyond body language; it
finds its core in the words we choose, the tones we employ, and the emotions
we convey. In this chapter, we delve into the intricate world of verbal cues
and speech patterns, exploring how words can be a window to emotions and
intentions. But what is a verbal cue? A verbal cue refers to anything spoken
(a word, a sound) that prompts a reaction. There are two types:
1. Direct verbal cues, which are typically straightforward instructions
or warnings, often used by parents with young children. For
example, “brush your teeth”, “eat your veggies”,' or “don’t do
that!”.
2. Indirect verbal cues, on the other hand, are not always
immediately straightforward. They frequently take the form of
questions, and some may be open-ended, requiring thoughtful
consideration. For instance, asking “what is the sum of 1+1?”
usually elicits a quick response of “two” without much
deliberation. However, posing a complex, open-ended
philosophical question places a cognitive burden on the listener,
potentially leading to responses like “I don't know”. Certain cues
may be phrased as questions but essentially function as polite
requests. For example, “could you open the door, please?” or “is
that your new car?” - these questions carry an implicit expectation
of compliance.
In addition to verbal cues, we find speech patterns, which are essentially our
verbal ID: each and every one of us have their own pattern of speaking. The
way someone speaks, the words they choose and most oftenly repeat, the
different dialects and slangs, the construction of sentences and even the
formality/informality of their language is a structured fingerprint of their own
personality. Everyone has their own speaking style, and it is often shown in
these areas:
● Brevity: This category represents a speaker’s ability to express a lot in
just a few words. People who speak with brevity are often referred to as
concise.
● Inflection: it highlights how individuals emphasize certain elements in
their speech. Components of inflection encompass prosody, intonation
patterns, rhythm, and the use of “uptalk”.
● Emotive mood: a person’s mood can be part of their speech pattern.
This is a factor that often affects the identifiers mentioned above. For
instance, people who are generally brief are often labeled as concise,
people that “say more in less”. On the other hand, people that have an
extrovert personality tend to talk more, more openly and are often
labeled as being chatty.
● Speech rate: the pace at which someone engages in conversation is a
crucial component of communication. It plays a pivotal role in work
environments and especially in those jobs related to voice-skills, such as
crafting narratives, delivering voiceovers, and creating audio
advertisements.
● Clarity: Many people pronounce and group words differently from one
another. Although this makes talking with people intriguing, it also can
be the source of much misunderstanding, especially if not understood.
Different speech patterns are generally linked to different behaviors. Just
consider how the use of slangs in speech is associated with more or less
serious criminal attribution (and stereotypes); or how much social media
influences our speech and idioms. In the next paragraph we will analyze the
correlation between emotion and verbal words, by tying them together with
vocal tone, pitch and the way these are related to deception and body
language.
The connection between words and emotions
In the intricate realm of communication, words serve as more than mere
conveyors of information: they become the brushstrokes of emotion, the tools
of persuasion, and the mirrors reflecting our innermost thoughts. In the realm
of body language studies this is even more true. In the realm of non-verbal
communication, the influence of pitch and tone of voice is akin to the
undercurrents that shape the river's course. These elements are potent
conveyors of emotions, and they have a profound impact on the dynamics of
interpersonal interaction.
Imagine a warm, melodic tone that accompanies a heartfelt greeting: it’s not
hard to understand why such a voice creates an immediate sense of trust in
the other person. It's an unspoken invitation to connect, fostering an
atmosphere of emotional understanding. Conversely, a harsh or dissonant
tone can disrupt this delicate balance, hindering effective communication and
creating emotional turbulence.
The emotional expression through vocal cues is equally vital. A high-pitched,
rapid tone may signal excitement or anxiety, adding layers of depth to the
spoken words, and giving to the other person certain ideas about who we are
and our identity. In contrast, a lower, slower tone might convey a sense of
calmness and when the person is old, also of wisdom. Moreover, pitch and
tone are tools for emphasizing specific words or phrases. By modulating their
vocal delivery, speakers can draw attention to critical points, altering the
perception of their message and making the other person understand a
variation of the truth. A well-placed emphasis can turn a statement into a
question or underline the importance of a particular idea. Yet, the interplay
between words and tone goes beyond mere expression. It goes deep into
authenticity and deception. For example, when words and tone align, it
signals transparency and honesty, enhancing trust and credibility. On the
other hand, discrepancies between verbal content and vocal tone can raise
suspicion, as listeners subconsciously detect incongruities.
Imagine you’re talking to the suspect of a crime. Let’s say his name is
George. Our George talks about the horrible homicide of his neighbor,
Rebecca. As he speaks of how good Rebecca was to him, you notice that his
tone is flat, almost emotionless, and everytime he finishes the sentences he
adds an inflection, as if it was a question. He clearly doesn’t believe what he
is saying. Furthermore, George “cries” his eyeballs out without shredding a
tear when talking about the possibility he is the killer. Again, his words
seems to confirm he did not do it, but his tone says otherwise: “I definitely
did not do it”, he says, but what, more precisely? When asked to confirm that,
he almost cannot pronounce the word “kill”. That's it: the "words and
emotions" discrepancies performed best in personal appearance and
presentation, but received lower ratings in areas related to personal skills,
such as active listening and rapport building.
Knowing the differences of perception between men and women, as well as
their socially constructed interpretation, can further help to navigate body
language communication. Nevertheless, successful communication within a
group involves not only reading others' body language but also adapting your
own. Understanding the art of flexibility in expression fosters better group
dynamics and collaboration. This is why realizing what a confident behavior
is made of is key to a successful conversation.
Next time you want to reassure the participants of a crowded conversation
remember to pay attention to their gestures and microexpressions: how are
they sitting? Where are their hands? Are they smiling with their eyes, too?
Where do you sit compared to them and how are you communicating? Are
your palms open, your legs straight and visible and your face relaxed?
If your answers depict a positive situation, then you can start mirroring their
gestures and find out if you are followed by their bodies: if this happens, you
have just won their attention and you have discovered how mirroring can
create a sense of unity and cooperation within a group. As we reach the end
of this chapter, we introduce the next: in the next pages, we will dwell into
the world of connection between words and emotions. We will listen to
hidden meanings by practicing active listening with the aim of mastering
persuasive speech techniques. In other and less “life-and-death” situations,
but still unpleasant such as during conflict, the tone of voice emerges as a
potent mediator. A calm and measured tone can diffuse tension and facilitate
resolution, while an aggressive or defensive tone can fuel escalation.
Lastly, the cultural and regional nuances of vocal tone cannot be overlooked.
Different societies interpret vocal cues differently, and understanding these
subtleties is crucial for effective cross-cultural communication. What may
convey enthusiasm in one culture might be perceived as annoyance in
another. For example, in the north of Italy people tend to maintain a lower
tone of voice, a more formal choice of words and tend to cut short
conversations. While this may vary among individuals, when compared to the
South of Italy, the arguments gain depth and credibility. Southerns are
culturally louder, more chatty and in general more informal, oftentimes
preferring the dialect instead of the national language to communicate, even
in formal situations. In essence, the pitch and tone of voice are the silent
orchestrators of our spoken communication and personal identity. They
weave the emotional tapestry that colors our words and dictate the rhythm of
our interactions, as well as the hidden intention of our speech. In mastering
the art of vocal modulation and aligning it with the context of conversation,
we unlock the potential for richer, more harmonious communication with
others.
People tend to emphasize words in their speech for various reasons, primarily
to convey specific meanings or emotional states more effectively.
Empathizing certain words or phrases helps convey their significance in a
sentence. For example, in the sentence “I didn't say he stole the money”,
emphasizing “he” clarifies that someone else, not the speaker, is the suspect.
Also, emphasis can reflect the speaker's emotional state. When excited,
happy, angry, or frustrated, individuals may naturally emphasize words to
match their emotional state. For instance, “I can't believe you did that! I am
shocked”, emphasizes the speaker's surprise or disbelief.
On the contrary, how can we listen for hidden meaning and intention? What
are the identifying signs of confidence and insecurity and how can we detect
them?
Listening for hidden meanings and intentions in someone's speech is a skill
that requires attentive and perceptive listening. And to do it effectively -
surprise, surprise - the first step is to engage in active listening. By giving the
speaker your full attention without distractions or interruptions, you will be
able to observe and carefully listen to what they are saying and to how they
are saying it. Particularly, pay close attention to the speaker’s tone of voice
and body cues, as emotions often influence word choices. For example, a
hesitant tone may reveal anxiety; a stutter may hide uncertainty. Furthermore,
analyze the specific words and phrases used by the speaker. Subtle
differences in wording can indicate hidden intentions. For instance, “I guess I
could do it”, may suggest less commitment than “I will do it”.
Also, start observing non-verbal cues, such as facial expressions, body
language, and gestures, which can provide additional context to the spoken
words, as we well know. And don’t forget to consider the broader context of
the conversation and any previous interactions with this person, as this can
help decipher their hidden intentions. When in doubt, ask open-ended
questions that encourage the speaker to elaborate, providing a deeper
understanding of their feelings (or truthfulness). If you want to identify signs
of confidence and insecurity in speech, you must know that these can
manifest profoundly in speech patterns. Here's how to recognize them:
Confidence: they typically exhibit a steady and clear tone, express ideas with
conviction, and use assertive language. For example, “I'm certain that this
approach will work, and here's why…”. They are also not afraid to let you
talk, and listen to what you have to say with patience and attention.
Insecurity: they may display hesitancy in their speech, using phrases like “I
think”, “I'm not sure”, or “Maybe”. Insecurity can also lead to excessive self-
criticism or apologies, and a tendency to please the other person’s point of
view. For instance, “I'm not entirely sure, but maybe we could consider this
approach. I'm sorry this is all I can think of, maybe we should go with yours”.
Needless to say, but let’s say it anyway: remember that interpreting hidden
meanings or signs of confidence and insecurity should be done with
sensitivity and consideration of individual differences. Communication styles
may vary, and cultural factors also play a role in how people express
themselves verbally. Developing strong interpersonal skills and practicing
active listening will enhance your ability to decode hidden intentions and
emotional nuances in speech.
Practicing active listening in conversations
As we said before, practicing active listening in conversations is crucial for
effective communication and building strong relationships but also to detect
one’s true intentions. It can be the key to build a broader understanding of
non-verbal (and verbal) communication. Start by giving the other person your
full attention and minimize possible distractions by finding a quiet place to
talk. Proceed by maintaining eye contact - this tells the other person that
you’re engaged and interested in their speech. As regards, use verbal cues
like “I see”, “I understand”, or nod to indicate you are listening. Encourage
the speaker to continue sharing by saying “Go on” or “Tell me more” and by
making thoughtful questions, such as “What happened next?”, or “How did
you feel / What did you think of it?”. Of course, avoid interrupting as much
as possible: resist the urge to finish the speaker's sentences or to share your
thoughts. Allow them to express themselves fully before responding and
giving feedback. You can also try to periodically paraphrase or summarize
what the speaker has said in your own words. This demonstrates that you are
actively processing the information.
Also, remember that smiling, nodding, and maintaining an open posture
conveys warmth and receptivity. These suggestions will help you better your
active listening skills, but also will give you the chance to observe the
speaker while speaking and to easily recognize their verbal cues. Of course,
conversations like this can better your ability to listen to others and to
understand their verbal and non-verbal behaviors. Another suggestion is to
watch recorded conversations for practice, perhaps of TedTalks and/or
criminal interrogation - if you have the stomach for such things. By
practicing it, you will be able to detect voice inflection and changes, but also
you will start to discern intentions from truth, deceits from reality.
Sometimes, especially in the cases where sarcasm or humor is involved, it
can be hard. Detecting them in speech can be challenging because they often
involve subtle cues that require careful listening and consideration of context.
Of course, the first advice is: note the context. If you are in a public space,
where informality is the general rule, then it is highly likely that the use of
sarcasm and humor increases. Nonetheless, they are usually conveyed
through exaggeration (“She ate like three stones of food!”) and opposite tone
of voice. Also, humor often involves wordplay, puns, or clever phrasing.
These linguistic cues create humor by using language in an unexpected or
amusing way; or it can arise from incongruity or the unexpected, where the
speaker may introduce a surprising twist or absurdity. For example, in the
first case: “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands”; in the
second: “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding
in his field”.
Even more contradictory both in verbal and non-verbal communication is
silence. Pauses, quietness and the absence of communication, as strange as it
sounds, is an act of communication itself. Just because our interlocutor is not
speaking, it does not mean that they are not communicating something: we
just need to learn to hear differently. Often used to create emphasis and to
give pathos to certain words and/or circumstances, especially pauses are
largely used during speeches to induce audience to pay more attention to
certain details or to anticipate an abrupt change in the narrated dialogue, the
story or the experience.
Pauses can be the beginning of a project, a sentence or change: they allow our
brain to elaborate out-and-in itself: during a verbal exchange many things can
happen. It is neurologically relevant to use silence to process and understand
changes and information, to acquire a greater understanding of what is being
said and what is not being said, to better explore the vastness of our and our
interlocutor’s feelings and reactions. Silence is decisive: “Think before you
speak” should be preceded by “in silence”, as for many people the absence of
words is not merely the unsaid, but rather the thought, the reasoned, the
processed, the interiorized.
Silence and pauses are key during speech and verbal exchange, and also
allow individuals to exit from the self-constraining box of “verbality” to enter
in the universal of “non-verbality”. With silence we can better observe and
perceive our interlocutor and the situation we are immersed with; we can give
a glance to their body language, their silently present cues and signs that
something is already speaking; just differently. This is another reason why
active listening is a practice that should be carried out in the vastity of our
day-by-day activity, and not just to read other people’s minds.
Read emotional cues in written communication
In ‘The Inner Theatre’: Decoding of Nonverbal Emotional Cues Described in
Literary Texts, Brück, Gößling-Arnold, Wertheimer, and Wildgruber address
the importance of nonverbal cues in human communication, such as facial
expressions, gestures, and tone of voice: everything that we already know of.
Again, these cues play a crucial role in understanding the emotions and
intentions of people in everyday social interactions. What is really interesting
and worth investigating is that the authors suggest that the significance of
nonverbal cues can be extended to the world of literature and storytelling. On
the one hand, in literature, descriptions of nonverbal emotional signals are
essential elements to understand dialogues between characters, as well as the
communication between the author and the reader, and the interactions that
bridge the two communication systems. Just as real-life nonverbal cues
provide insights into people's minds, literary descriptions of these “known”
signals offer readers a chance to imagine a character’s state of mind,
enriching the reader’s understanding of them in the story itself.
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions
Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions

More Related Content

Similar to Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions

SPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGE
SPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGESPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGE
SPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGEOrlando Hernandez
 
Talking about Literacy
Talking about LiteracyTalking about Literacy
Talking about LiteracyND Arisanti
 
Brriers of communication
Brriers of communicationBrriers of communication
Brriers of communicationGopal Venu
 
First Impressions Essay
First Impressions EssayFirst Impressions Essay
First Impressions EssayMariah Stout
 
Personal Response Essay Examples
Personal Response Essay ExamplesPersonal Response Essay Examples
Personal Response Essay ExamplesStacey Smith
 
Essays On Communication Skills
Essays On Communication SkillsEssays On Communication Skills
Essays On Communication SkillsDeborah Reyes
 
Language_lead_lesson
Language_lead_lessonLanguage_lead_lesson
Language_lead_lessonRic Faulkner
 
Personal Space Proxemics
Personal Space ProxemicsPersonal Space Proxemics
Personal Space ProxemicsAmber Wheeler
 
Difference perception and their effect on communication
Difference perception and  their effect on communicationDifference perception and  their effect on communication
Difference perception and their effect on communicationVijay Vasani
 

Similar to Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions (9)

SPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGE
SPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGESPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGE
SPOT CRIMINALS AND LIARS READING THE BODY LANGUAGE
 
Talking about Literacy
Talking about LiteracyTalking about Literacy
Talking about Literacy
 
Brriers of communication
Brriers of communicationBrriers of communication
Brriers of communication
 
First Impressions Essay
First Impressions EssayFirst Impressions Essay
First Impressions Essay
 
Personal Response Essay Examples
Personal Response Essay ExamplesPersonal Response Essay Examples
Personal Response Essay Examples
 
Essays On Communication Skills
Essays On Communication SkillsEssays On Communication Skills
Essays On Communication Skills
 
Language_lead_lesson
Language_lead_lessonLanguage_lead_lesson
Language_lead_lesson
 
Personal Space Proxemics
Personal Space ProxemicsPersonal Space Proxemics
Personal Space Proxemics
 
Difference perception and their effect on communication
Difference perception and  their effect on communicationDifference perception and  their effect on communication
Difference perception and their effect on communication
 

More from Lucky Gods

Foods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your Risk
Foods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your RiskFoods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your Risk
Foods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your RiskLucky Gods
 
The Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical Fallacies
The Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical FallaciesThe Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical Fallacies
The Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical FallaciesLucky Gods
 
Automotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd Edition
Automotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd EditionAutomotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd Edition
Automotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd EditionLucky Gods
 
How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...
How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...
How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...Lucky Gods
 
The Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from Anywhere
The Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from AnywhereThe Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from Anywhere
The Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from AnywhereLucky Gods
 
Medical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st Edition
Medical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st EditionMedical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st Edition
Medical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st EditionLucky Gods
 
The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...
The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...
The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...Lucky Gods
 
Textbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive Health
Textbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive HealthTextbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive Health
Textbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive HealthLucky Gods
 
DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...
DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...
DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...Lucky Gods
 
ChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow Rich
ChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow RichChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow Rich
ChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow RichLucky Gods
 
Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)
Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)
Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)Lucky Gods
 
Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...
Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...
Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...Lucky Gods
 
Fit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s Guide
Fit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s GuideFit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s Guide
Fit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s GuideLucky Gods
 
Digital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th Edition
Digital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th EditionDigital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th Edition
Digital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th EditionLucky Gods
 
Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...
Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...
Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...Lucky Gods
 
Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)
Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)
Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)Lucky Gods
 
Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...
Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...
Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...Lucky Gods
 
Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...
Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...
Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...Lucky Gods
 
Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...
Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...
Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...Lucky Gods
 
How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023
How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023
How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023Lucky Gods
 

More from Lucky Gods (20)

Foods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your Risk
Foods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your RiskFoods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your Risk
Foods to Fight Cancer: What to Eat to Reduce Your Risk
 
The Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical Fallacies
The Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical FallaciesThe Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical Fallacies
The Art of Deception: Unraveling Logical Fallacies
 
Automotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd Edition
Automotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd EditionAutomotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd Edition
Automotive Technician Training: Theory 2nd Edition
 
How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...
How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...
How Not to Get Eaten: More than 75 Incredible Animal Defenses (Wonders of Wil...
 
The Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from Anywhere
The Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from AnywhereThe Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from Anywhere
The Benefits of Remote Working: The Freedom of Working from Anywhere
 
Medical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st Edition
Medical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st EditionMedical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st Edition
Medical Presentations: A Prescription for Success 1st Edition
 
The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...
The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...
The Artificial Intelligence Handbook for Real Estate Brokers: "Future-Proof Y...
 
Textbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive Health
Textbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive HealthTextbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive Health
Textbook of Contraception, Sexual and Reproductive Health
 
DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...
DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...
DIGITAL GOLD RUSH: A Guide to Cryptocurrency Mining Optimization for Wealth C...
 
ChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow Rich
ChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow RichChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow Rich
ChatGPT - The AI Rich Dad: Fire Prompts And Grow Rich
 
Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)
Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)
Earth Knowledge Genius! (DK Knowledge Genius)
 
Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...
Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...
Animal Knowledge Genius: A Quiz Encyclopedia to Boost Your Brain (DK Knowledg...
 
Fit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s Guide
Fit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s GuideFit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s Guide
Fit @ Any Age Fitness tips from a 92 year old runner A Practitioner’s Guide
 
Digital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th Edition
Digital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th EditionDigital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th Edition
Digital Business and E-Commerce Management 7th Edition
 
Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...
Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...
Build Autonomous Mobile Robot from Scratch using ROS: Simulation and Hardware...
 
Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)
Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)
Palm Reading (The Psychic Arts)
 
Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...
Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...
Pathfinders: Extraordinary Stories of People Like You on the Quest for Financ...
 
Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...
Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...
Overcoming Debt, Achieving Financial Freedom: 8 Pillars to Build Wealth 1st E...
 
Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...
Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...
Broken Money: Why Our Financial System Is Failing Us and How We Can Make It B...
 
How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023
How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023
How It Works – Understanding Human Anatomy, 1st Edition, 2023
 

Recently uploaded

Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666
Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666
Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666nishakur201
 
8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,
8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,
8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,dollysharma2066
 
Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...
Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...
Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...CIOWomenMagazine
 
Call Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot And
Call Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot AndCall Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot And
Call Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot AndPooja Nehwal
 
办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改
办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改
办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改atducpo
 
Lilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptx
Lilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptxLilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptx
Lilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptxABMWeaklings
 
《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...
《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...
《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...ur8mqw8e
 
Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...
Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...
Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...Leko Durda
 
call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..
call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..
call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..nishakur201
 
Cheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road Gurgaon
Cheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road GurgaonCheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road Gurgaon
Cheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road GurgaonDelhi Call girls
 
The Selfspace Journal Preview by Mindbrush
The Selfspace Journal Preview by MindbrushThe Selfspace Journal Preview by Mindbrush
The Selfspace Journal Preview by MindbrushShivain97
 
Dhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service Dhule
Dhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service DhuleDhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service Dhule
Dhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service Dhulesrsj9000
 
CALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female service
CALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female serviceCALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female service
CALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female serviceanilsa9823
 
Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝soniya singh
 
办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭
办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭
办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭o8wvnojp
 
REFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdf
REFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdfREFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdf
REFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdfssusere8ea60
 
(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ Escorts
(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ Escorts(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ Escorts
(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ EscortsDelhi Escorts Service
 
Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝soniya singh
 

Recently uploaded (20)

escort service sasti (*~Call Girls in Paschim Vihar Metro❤️9953056974
escort service  sasti (*~Call Girls in Paschim Vihar Metro❤️9953056974escort service  sasti (*~Call Girls in Paschim Vihar Metro❤️9953056974
escort service sasti (*~Call Girls in Paschim Vihar Metro❤️9953056974
 
Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666
Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666
Call Girls Anjuna beach Mariott Resort ₰8588052666
 
8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,
8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,
8377087607 Full Enjoy @24/7-CLEAN-Call Girls In Chhatarpur,
 
Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...
Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...
Understanding Relationship Anarchy: A Guide to Liberating Love | CIO Women Ma...
 
Call Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot And
Call Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot AndCall Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot And
Call Girls In Andheri East Call US Pooja📞 9892124323 Book Hot And
 
办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改
办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改
办理国外毕业证学位证《原版美国montana文凭》蒙大拿州立大学毕业证制作成绩单修改
 
Lilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptx
Lilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptxLilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptx
Lilac Illustrated Social Psychology Presentation.pptx
 
《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...
《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...
《塔夫斯大学毕业证成绩单购买》做Tufts文凭毕业证成绩单/伪造美国假文凭假毕业证书图片Q微信741003700《塔夫斯大学毕业证购买》《Tufts毕业文...
 
Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...
Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...
Reinventing Corporate Philanthropy_ Strategies for Meaningful Impact by Leko ...
 
call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..
call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..
call girls in candolim beach 9870370636] NORTH GOA ..
 
Cheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road Gurgaon
Cheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road GurgaonCheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road Gurgaon
Cheap Rate ➥8448380779 ▻Call Girls In Mg Road Gurgaon
 
Model Call Girl in Lado Sarai Delhi reach out to us at 🔝9953056974🔝
Model Call Girl in Lado Sarai Delhi reach out to us at 🔝9953056974🔝Model Call Girl in Lado Sarai Delhi reach out to us at 🔝9953056974🔝
Model Call Girl in Lado Sarai Delhi reach out to us at 🔝9953056974🔝
 
The Selfspace Journal Preview by Mindbrush
The Selfspace Journal Preview by MindbrushThe Selfspace Journal Preview by Mindbrush
The Selfspace Journal Preview by Mindbrush
 
Dhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service Dhule
Dhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service DhuleDhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service Dhule
Dhule Call Girls #9907093804 Contact Number Escorts Service Dhule
 
CALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female service
CALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female serviceCALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female service
CALL ON ➥8923113531 🔝Call Girls Adil Nagar Lucknow best Female service
 
Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Govindpuri Delhi 💯Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
 
办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭
办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭
办理西悉尼大学毕业证成绩单、制作假文凭
 
REFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdf
REFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdfREFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdf
REFLECTIONS Newsletter Jan-Jul 2024.pdf.pdf
 
(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ Escorts
(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ Escorts(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ Escorts
(No.1)↠Young Call Girls in Sikanderpur (Gurgaon) ꧁❤ 9711911712 ❤꧂ Escorts
 
Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
Call Girls in Kalyan Vihar Delhi 💯 Call Us 🔝8264348440🔝
 

Reading people like a book: How to understand people's body language and psychology, decode their intentions and emotions

  • 1.
  • 2. Congratulations on purchasing this ebook! Here's an exclusive list of the Top Crypto Exchanges for you to consider when registering. These platforms offer excellent opportunities to dive into the exciting world of cryptocurrencies. Check out the shortened links below and get started with ease! 1. Binance: the world's leading cryptocurrency exchange, offers a wide range of trading options and low fees. Registration link: https://mas.so/binance 2. OKX: a popular choice for derivatives trading, provides advanced features and high liquidity. Registration link: https://mas.so/okx 3. Bybit: known for its copy trading capabilities, allows users to follow successful traders. Registration link: https://mas.so/bybit 4. Coinbase: a user-friendly US-based exchange, prioritizes security and compliance. Registration link: https://mas.so/coinbase 5. WhiteBIT: a rapidly growing European exchange, offers a diverse selection of trading pairs. Registration link: https://mas.so/whitebit 6. Bitforex: a reputable Asian exchange, provides competitive fees and margin trading. Registration link: https://mas.so/bitforex 7. Bitmart: a popular platform for altcoin trading, offers staking opportunities. Registration link: https://mas.so/bitmart 8. Gate: an established exchange with advanced features, supports margin lending and borrowing. Registration link: https://mas.so/gate 9. MEXC: known for its fast matching engine and deep liquidity, caters to experienced traders. Registration link: https://mas.so/mexc 10. Hotcoin: a user-friendly platform with a focus on emerging markets, offers a seamless trading experience. Registration link: https://mas.so/hotcoin 11. Huobi (HTX): a renowned Asian exchange, provides diverse trading options and high liquidity. Registration link: https://mas.so/htx 12. Digifinex: a rising star in the crypto world, offers competitive fees and a growing user base. Registration link: https://mas.so/digi Don't wait any longer! Take advantage of these opportunities and embark on your crypto journey with confidence. Remember, always do your research and choose the exchange that best suits your needs. Happy trading! *Disclaimer: All links are provided for convenience and are not endorsed or affili- ated with this ebook. Users should exercise due diligence and caution when par- ticipating in any crypto-related activities.*
  • 3. Reading People Like a Book How to Understand People's Body Language and Psychology, Decode Their Intentions and Emotions Travis V. Brock.
  • 4. To my wife, who never stopped making me believe I could read her.
  • 5. © Copyright 2023 by Travis V. Brock- All rights reserved. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the author. Reviewers may quote brief passages in reviews. While all attempts have been made to verify the information provided in this publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. The views expressed in this publication are those of the author alone and should not be taken as expert instruction or commands. The reader is responsible for his or her own actions, as well as his or her own interpretation of the material found within this publication. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international, federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the reader and consumer. Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability whatsoever on behalf of the consumer or reader of this material. Any perceived slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional.
  • 6. Contents The Fundamentals of Reading The Importance of Body Language a The Role o Practical Exercises t Case Studies o Eyes Tell(s) the T On Everyone’s L Practical Exercises to Improve Facial Expression Analysis 1. 2. 1. 2. 1. 2. 3. Analyzing Seating Arrangements & 4. Practical Exercises t 5. Verbal Cues and Speech Patterns Analysing Motivations & Emotional Intelligence Cognitive biases The influence of past experiences on behaviour Reading emotions in online and written communication Navigating Social Situations Reading people in social gatherings Networking and making lasting impressions Handling conflicts and disagreements Understanding office politics Strategies for effective public speaking Relationships and Intimacy Reading your partner’s emotions and intentions Love Languages and Manipulation Building healthier, more fulfilling relationships
  • 7. Negotiation and Persuasion Reading your opponent in negotiations Using Emotional Intelligence in Negotiation Case Studies of Successful Persuasion Safety and Security Reading Potential Threats and Danger Signals Protecting Yourself From Scams and Fraud Case study: “Jordan Rainer almost kidnap story” Strategies for Staying Safe In High-Risk Situations Building Better Teams Reading team dynamics and collaboration Practical exercises Great leaders and great teams Strategies for Remote Team Collaboration The Art of Continuous Improvement Using Feedback to Enhance Your Skills Keeping Up With Evolving Social Norms Conclusion Bibliography
  • 8. Introduction In today’s world it may come easy to think of body language as an established study area. In fact, its research fields appear to be quite recent, let alone its fame among the general public. It was only 1970 when the first book on body language was published by Julius Fast: the work of behavioral scientists and nonverbal communication studies was puzzled together in what became the very first introduction to a new area of research: the importance of understanding the silent signs of our body. Long before that, the only book that aimed to give insight into the significance of body behavior was the well known Charles Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals. Published in 1872, the text investigated facial and body expressions and movements foreshadowing the work of many modern scientists all around the world. In 1977 Paul Ekman wondered if it was possible to read one’s mind just by looking and investigating its facial expressions. Wrinkles, smiles, blush in the face, tightening of the skin: were those changes able to convey a hidden truth? Was it possible to uncover the true intentions and thoughts of a person, just by looking at their unintentional - and often unconscious - movements? Are facial expressions an accurate reflection of one’s emotional experience? But also, are these signs and cues the same for all people, or are they culturally determined, socially influenced or do they vary depending of sex, age, personality, life experiences? In a research lasted more than 50 years, Ekman found that there is in fact a certain universality in the way emotions appear through facial expression. For example, muscular configuration is a key aspect in the way people are able to laugh, cry and show anger and happiness, although it was firstly discovered by French scientist Guillame Duchenne de Boulogne At the same time, little was discovered about the relation to personality and its reciprocal influence with other physiological measures that may change with the arousal of emotions. Leaving its readers with questions and the desire to expand the research, Ekman continued its career in humans’ emotional life by publishing Telling Lies, a pathfinding inquiry into the world of liars, and Emotion Revealed, the result of years of psychological studies aiming at recognizing
  • 9. the cues behind facial expressions and emotion. This might also explain the reason why up until today speech was believed to be our main form of communication.
  • 10. C H A P T E R 1 The Fundamentals of Reading People In the world there are, more or less, 6500 different languages. From dialects to almost-extinct and forgotten vernaculars, it must come obvious to us that speech comes first and foremost in the realm of communication. Truth being told: it does not. While for verbal-communication advocates it seems nonetheless trivial to investigate other ways of conveying messages to one another, over the years researchers have been able to argue that non-verbal communication anticipates the tongue. But how does it work, and why does body language play such a significant role in human interaction? The reasons are many but, as Allan Pease pointed out, we find proof of its importance in every aspect of daily life. Just to name some, many mute actors such as Charlie Chaplin were chosen based on their ability to use gestures and facial expressions that also addressed clearly certain messages. Again, just think about the way human exchange “looks” and “poses” with the purpose of catching the eye of a possible partner: greater (if not every) part of that communication is completely silent. Women are experts in the realm of catching lies: but it is not for the reason we typically rely on. While scientists have often argued the differences in the female brain and its stronger response in the area that mimic the pain of others - and that understands it - in this case the cause of their greater sensibility to lies is to be found in the most recurring role of mothers and caregivers. This is because especially in the first years the mother often relies solely on non-verbal cues to understand the needs of her child. We make judgments about people before they even speak a word based on their appearance, the way they move or smile: these are not irrational thoughts but have a some-what animalistic basis. People are reluctant to accept that humans were once animals, it’s undeniable that whereas speech first developed between 2 millions and 500,000 years ago, before that humans could count mainly on body language to address their needs and thoughts. Today, despite the fact that body-language is an outward reflection of a person’s emotional state, we pay more attention to words rather than
  • 11. what those words hide or really mean, and less on how they are conveyed: is my partner really happy, or the way he/she is touching his/her neck is telling another truth? Is my boss truly interested in my complaint, or that sneer should make me think differently? Whereas we commonly put spoken communication on top, our own language knows the true importance of body language: “Get it off your chest”, “Keep your chin up”, “Kiss my butt”, “Lend a hand”, “Give someone the cold shoulder”. Then again, perception is reality: “It's how you looked when you said it, not what you actually said”. Afterall, the question lies on a simple assumption: how and through what gesture does our body communicate a certain emotional condition? The Importance of Body Language and Psychology With the words of Allan and Barbara Pease, “The key to reading body language is being able to understand a person's emotional condition while listening to what they are saying and noting the circumstances under which they are saying it”: but what does it really mean? In the last few decades we have become more and more focused on the written and spoken word: it is a common evolution of human’s habits that started with the Technological Revolution in Information and Communication. Especially in the 21st century, social conditions and expectations have widely changed thanks to the use of phones, internet and rapidity of media linguistic exchange, leading people to rely mostly on rational and informative ways of communicating. As researchers have found, the verbal channel comes handy when conveying general details that require a fast and practical approach: “wash the dishes”, “take the children to school”, “I need water”, “I don’t feel good, I think I’ll stay in the bed”. On the other hand, the non-verbal channel has a greater role in negotiating interpersonal attitudes and in some cases it completely replaces the spoken word. Just consider the way a mother can zap a child’s run to the second round of the party’s buffet just by looking at him and without letting the other participants notice the exchange of information - and emotions. Or, again, think about the way fortune tellers are able to read people’s future: is it really the future, or are they using the well-known “cold reading” technique, that
  • 12. enables them to read people’s reactions and body language simply by observing and decoding information. Although these examples may seem easy and of general understanding, most people are, if not totally at least partially, unaware of how body language works, as well as its signs, cues and the impact on others. Starting from the basics, most of the signs are generally consistent: we smile when we are happy, we cry when we are sad, we nod when we agree and we shake our heads to say no. These last two in particular are related to the infant stage, when the child would turn its head away once it had enough milk and learns that shaking the head is associated with disagreement. Taking the lead from the Darwin’s theory that facial expressions are universal, Michael Argyle identified five universal aspects of nonverbal communication: ● Firstly, all cultures employ the same body parts for nonverbal expression. ● Secondly, nonverbal communication serves as a means to convey consistent information, including emotions and societal norms. ● Thirdly, the underlying motives for employing nonverbal communication are analogous across diverse cultures. ● Fourthly, nonverbal communication is integrated into art and rituals in conjunction with verbal communication. ● Lastly, nonverbal communication plays a role in coordinating contextual nuances within relationships. This first type of cues is easy to recognise: happiness, anger, sadness, disgust, surprise and fear are commonly conveyed with the same face movements. This does not imply that they are the same for everyone, it just highlights the fact that they are generally, biologically and socially displayed in a certain known way. Although not everyone who laughs is happy, and not everyone that is happy laughs, these first six cues are the baseline of non-verbal communication’s cues. The second type of signs is definitely harder to spot, especially for an uneducated eye. They are called idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors and refer to all those body gestures that are unique to a particular person and may not conform to typical or universally recognized nonverbal cues. Instead, they reflect a person's distinct style or way of conveying emotions, thoughts, or messages. When looking attentively at one's actions, it is
  • 13. possible to detect his or her behavioral patterns: we can think of these like the emotional and unconscious algorithm’s work on the body. For example, imagine being in the presence of a friend, let's call them Sarah. When Sarah feels nervous or anxious she taps her index finger against their thumb repeatedly, creating a subtle clicking sound. This behavior is unique to Sarah and not commonly seen in others. When she does this, it's her way of self- soothing or coping with anxiety. For most people, this specific finger-tapping gesture is not a recognized or understood nonverbal cue. It's idiosyncratic because it's a personal behavior that Sarah developed as a way to manage her emotions. To understand the meaning behind it, you as a friend of hers, would need to know Sarah well and maybe precisely for this you are able to interpret her emotions through her personal body language. In contrast, more universal nonverbal behaviors like smiling to express happiness or nodding to indicate agreement are easily recognized and understood by people from various cultures because they are commonly accepted and shared across different societies. Idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors can include subtle facial expressions, body movements, gestures, repetitions or even vocal inflections that are not easily understood because they are not part of the cultural or social norms for communication in that specific society, but that come with a person’s character and identity as a whole. It goes without saying that these behaviors may develop over time and can be influenced by a personality, experiences, and upbringings. Non-verbal cues can include the way someone sits, how a person maintains or doesn’t maintain eye contact, how they are speaking, moving and engaging their body while speaking or listening to their interlocutor. We can name the most common: 1. Facial expressions: for example, if someone squints, flares their nostrils or raises their eyebrows may (or may not) be showing signs of disagreement, surprise, distress or even anger. 2. Eye contact: the amount and intensity of eye contact can signal interest, engagement, or even discomfort in a conversation. 3. Gestures: hand movements, such as waving, pointing, or thumbs- up, can add meaning or emphasis to verbal communication. 4. Posture: how a person carries themselves - whether they slouch or stand tall, for example can convey confidence, openness, or
  • 14. defensiveness. 5. Proximity: the physical distance observed between individuals can indicate their level of intimacy, comfort, or personal boundaries. 6. Touch: the use of physical touch, like a handshake, hug, or pat on the back, can communicate warmth, support, or affection. 7. Tone of voice: the pitch, volume, and intonation of speech can convey emotions (e.g., sarcasm, excitement, irritation) and meaning (e.g., asking a question or making a statement). 8. Microexpressions: these are brief, involuntary facial expressions that reveal genuine emotions and are often difficult to hide. 9. Head nods and shakes: nodding the head typically indicates agreement or understanding, while shaking the head may signify disagreement or confusion. 10. Fidgeting or stillness: body movements, like tapping fingers or bouncing a leg, can indicate nervousness or impatience, while sitting very still may suggest deep concentration or tension. 11. Artifacts: personal items, such as jewelry, accessories, or even a person's choice of smartphone, can convey information about their taste, values, or affiliations. One of the main misconceptions when observing cues is the inaccurate assumptions made about someone else’s culture and the significance of their gestures compared to their social and cultural expectations, habits and traditions. Nevertheless, there are over a million non-verbal cues and signals and all of them should be read in the context in which they are presented. This is why, paraphrasing a famous saying, you should never judge a man by his handshake: his limp hand might be related to his weakness of character… Or muscles. Someone with a health condition is not going to vigorously shake your hand, this does not mean they are weak in character: they might just be concerned about the possibility of being in pain afterwards.
  • 15. C H A P T E R 2 The Role of Intuition Non-verbal communication is a multifaceted phenomenon encompassing a myriad of cues that extend beyond spoken language. While extensive research has illuminated the science behind these cues, a significant portion of our ability to understand and interpret non-verbal signals relies on intuition. It operates at a subconscious level, enabling swift assessments of the emotional climate in a given interaction. For example, some people can even guess - somewhat correctly - which language a person is speaking just by looking at the movements and gestures of their hands (and one of these was the scientist Ray Birdwhistell, who pioneered kinesics, a methodology focused on the communicative aspects learned and conveyed through body movements.). Others, the ones that are often called “perceptive” of “intuitive” or even “mentalist”, are able to tell if someone lied based on a so-called “gut feeling”. This “hunch” often translates in a more or less unconscious ability to detect cues in body language and pair those with the contradiction of spoken words. Thus, in reading non-verbal cues, intuition serves as a rapid and often accurate means of gauging the sentiments of others, facilitating more nuanced and empathetic communication. On the other hand, empathy, an undoubtedly essential skill for an effective interpersonal relationship, hinges on the ability to connect with others on an emotional level. Nonetheless, it plays a pivotal role in the process of non- verbal communication. On one hand, it offers a conduit through which individuals can convey understanding, validation, and support to the other; on the other hand, it helps explore the nuances of body communication, intercepting the truth behind gestures more precisely and, last but not least, detect deception from honesty. When individuals employ non-verbal cues such as maintaining eye contact, mirroring body language, or offering comforting gestures - such as patting on the back of a coworker that just learned they were dismissed -, they demonstrate a willingness to engage on an emotional plane. Of course these non-verbal signals are vital tools for
  • 16. building trust among peers, allowing individuals to forge deeper connections by attuning to the unspoken needs and feelings of others. In the realm of body language, however, the skillful use of empathy fosters not only social interaction, but also one’s ability to understand non-verbal cues. One of the arrows in empathy’s skills quiver is active listening. Often regarded as the cornerstone of effective communication, the ability to listen actively extends beyond verbal comprehension. It encompasses a profound and conscious attention to non-verbal cues emitted by speakers, which can reveal nuanced layers of meaning. Active listeners not only focus on spoken words but also keenly observe facial expressions, gestures, and movements (or stillness). By doing so, they gain insights into the speaker's emotional state, real intentions, and unexpressed concerns. When coupled with appropriate non-verbal responses, such as nodding in agreement or maintaining eye contact, active listening conveys a genuine commitment to understanding what one’s trying to say, creating a relaxed atmosphere and encouraging openness in the exchange. This happens, for example, in Japanese culture, where with listening comes a repertoire of polite noises and greeting smiles: this is often misinterpreted as a way to show agreement. Spoiler: it is not. In behaving like this, the Japanese intend to show attention to the speaker. They are saying “keep talking”, and not “we agree”. But the nod in the Western world especially, in the whole world generally, is commonly associated with “yes”. In our interconnected world, encounters with individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds are increasingly common. As we previously said, while some non-verbal cues exhibit universality in their interpretations, many are contextually and culturally bound. Gestures, facial expressions, and personal space preferences can vary greatly across cultures, leading to potential misunderstandings if not navigated with sensitivity. Without traveling too far from European’s culture, we find that the “V” sign with the middle and index fingers, common in the U.S. as well as in other countries, is associated with victory and peace. Far from being universal, the same sign in Britain and Australia literally means “F- off ”. For this reason it is not hard to imagine why the study of non-verbal communication goes beyond mere observation. Rather, it delves into the scientific underpinnings of human behavior analysis - culture, social norms
  • 17. and context taken into account. Researchers in fields such as psychology, sociology, and neuroscience have probed the intricacies of non-verbal cues, shedding light on the mechanisms that govern our non-verbal expressions. Through empirical studies, they have identified patterns in facial expressions, body movements, vocal intonations and habits that correspond to specific emotions, intentions, or states of mind. By delving into the neurological and psychological aspects of non-verbal communication, scientists have found, for example, that smiling intentionally can produce brain activity towards spontaneous happiness, as Richard Davidson proved. Again, a research brought up by Arnie Cann showed that laughter and humor has a positive influence on fighting stress and early depression. These researches show how scientific understanding has enabled the development of tools and techniques for more precise behavior analysis. If we know “how humor heals”, we can imagine it being used as a coping mechanism to fight profound sadness or discomfort - and recognize the pattern in our speaker. Practical Exercises to Enhance Your Reading Abilities To master the art of non-verbal communication, one must engage in practical exercises designed to hone their reading abilities. These exercises serve as hands-on training, allowing individuals to apply their knowledge of non- verbal cues in real-world scenarios. Activities such as role-playing, video analysis, and simulated interpersonal interactions enable participants to practice deciphering non-verbal signals effectively. A simple exercise: hold up your hand to show number five. Done? Now number two. Chances are that if you are European you’ve just shown your thumb and index finger and that if you are Anglo-Saxon your middle and index finger. Why? Because Europeans learn to count from the thumb. This is what happened in Inglorious Basterds, when the undercover agent decides to offer a round of whiskey and orders “three glasses” indicating the number “three” with his index, middle, and ring fingers, in the English manner. But how can you improve your observation skills? Simple: observation is like
  • 18. a muscle. Train it and it will grow stronger. In order to do so you must start looking at the world more consciously, make concerned observations with the aim of becoming aware of the mechanism of the world outside yourself. Use all of your senses, not just sight. When I was younger I used to give private lessons to a teenager. His house always smelled like a coffin: a molded coffin, as if the place was steel-shut from ages. He was a shy gal, somewhat unexpectedly irritable but very intelligent and diligent - which didn’t resonate with his poor grades. His tone of voice was aulic and serious while studying, as if he was 15 years older, grave and vexed if the mother interrupted his speaking, and trembling shrill when distressed, often paired with heavy sweat if caught red-handedly unprepared on a subject. Later on I understood that his mother's anxiety and fear of the outside world was displayed through an obsessive need of “keeping things inside”: fumes, odors and the whole kid as well. And maybe the poor boy intentionally started doing bad at school for the sake of evasion. See? Use of senses, observation, attentive listening, questioning, empathy and psychology all in one sitting: this is what we need to learn to do if we want to uncover the secrets of body language until you’ll be able to reach the mischievous realm of microexpressions. Microexpressions, often lasting just a fraction of a second, are fleeting facial expressions that provide invaluable insights into concealed emotions. These subtle non-verbal cues (slight contractions or changes in facial muscles) occur involuntarily and can reveal an individual's genuine feelings even when they attempt to mask them. Recognizing and interpreting microexpressions requires acute observation skills and a deep understanding of the emotions they represent. For example, a microexpression of contempt might involve a subtle curl of the lip, dislike might come with the crinkle of the nose or a subtle smirk, a different sentiment on the speaker’s communication display might come with a dormant hand, and so on. All these microgestures and expressions are an indicator rather difficult to catch but, with practice, are able to tell us more than we could possibly grasp from a speaking mouth. As we’ve seen, beyond words, the tone of voice serves as a critical component of non-verbal communication. It encompasses the pitch, volume, timbre and modulation of one's speech, adding layers of meaning and emotion to verbal messages. Tone of voice can convey a wide range of sentiments, from enthusiasm and confidence to anger and sadness. Importantly, it often reveals the emotional nuances that words alone may fail
  • 19. to capture. For instance, when we are comfortable, there is synchrony in our non-verbal behavior. The tone and pitch of our speech will mirror each other’s, but if there is no harmony in the voice, it is highly unlikely that there will be in the way we sit, in our gestures and expressions towards each other. Similarly, if someone tells me to stop doing what I am doing with a trembling voice but with a finger pointed at me, chances are I keep doing what I am doing. Understanding the significance of tone of voice empowers individuals to interpret communication more accurately and detect body behavior’s significance. Posture, an often overlooked yet powerful non-verbal cue, can provide valuable insights into an individual's emotional and psychological state. Changes in posture can indicate discomfort, unease, or even submissiveness. A general example: slumped shoulders and a lowered head may signify feelings of defeat or vulnerability, while a rigid, defensive posture can indicate defensiveness or resistance. More specifically, crossing arms and legs can be a sign of nervousness or anxiety, but they will say it is more comfortable posing this way, and we should believe them: when someone gets defensive or feels insecure, “crossed arms and legs feel comfortable because it matches their emotional state”1. Being aware of the nuances of posture enables individuals to understand others' needs and emotions and link them, as correctly as possible, to their physical behavior. Eye contact is a fundamental aspect of non-verbal communication, conveying a wealth of information about a person's emotional state and intentions. Afterall, the eyes are often referred to as the “windows to the soul” for their ability to reveal authenticity and depth of feelings. In the realm of body language, prolonged and steady eye contact can signify confidence, sincerity, and engagement. This is one of the main reasons a good liar never breaks eye contact with their victim: we expect them to feel “guilty” or “afraid of their own lie”, so we imagine their body language will show this self-doubt with avoidance. This is because we tend to believe that avoiding eye contact may indicate discomfort, shyness, or deception. For example, liars and also children tend to cover or rub their eyes to disguise their lying attempts and to create distance between them and the other person (especially if they are someone unwanted): it is the brain's endeavor to block the view of something
  • 20. distasteful or unpleasant. We see everything with our eyes… and our hands. Hand gestures are a rich source of non-verbal communication, often used to complement and reinforce spoken language. As we know, the meanings of these gestures can vary widely across cultures and contexts. For instance, a thumbs-up gesture is commonly interpreted as a sign of approval or agreement in many Western cultures, but it can hold different connotations in other parts of the world. Analyzing hand gestures involves considering their cultural and situational significance, as well as their alignment with verbal messages. This happens between men and women as well: men are more prepared to “shake” a new person’s hand when introducing themselves, whereas women tend to look at their face first. Dwelling on greetings habits, the position of the hand during a handshake can convey many different grades of intimacy: by placing your hand on the shoulder of the other person while shaking their hand, you are foremost communicating high levels of confidence and closeness towards the other; whereas, if the hand was to stay in the wrist area, the message would be “I know you, I am here to listen to you, I am strong and self-aware of our circumstances”. As we can see there are many different nuances in body language. In the next-closing-section we will explore some examples of successful people reading case studies. Case Studies of Successful People Reading Real-life case studies offer compelling illustrations of how individuals have leveraged their adeptness in reading non-verbal cues to achieve success in various domains. These case studies showcase instances where individuals have effectively employed non-verbal communication reading skills in leadership, negotiation, conflict resolution, and other professional and personal contexts. By examining these success stories, readers can glean valuable insights into the practical application of non-verbal communication, learning from the experiences of those who have harnessed its power to excel in their respective fields. Paul Ekman, a psychologist and expert of facial expression, wrote a book called Telling Lies Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage. In his book, he provided many examples of cues and signs that help navigate the world of non-verbal communication… and lies.
  • 21. He brought the example of Clifford Irving’s investigation2: during the confrontation with Hughes, he was asked to answer the same questions over and over again. This might come obvious to some, unreasonable to others, but the reason is very simple: an honest man will tell the same story with small discrepancies each time. Forgetting is human. But when confronted over these inconsistencies, Cliff was open to explain and admit them. Ekman was then able to understand that Cliff ’s body language and story was sincere: thanks to his studies and years of academic research, he could see through Cliff's intentions and verify his story. Joe Navarro, an Ex-FBI Agent, and Marvin Karlins, Ph.D., wrote a book called What every Body is Saying, where he examines people’s body language thanks to his experience in the armed forces. He reports the case of a young woman raped on the Parker Indian Reservation in Arizona. When a suspect came in and was questioned, his words were convincing and his story looked plausible. While giving his testimony, Joe kept his eyes on him: when the suspect told officers he left the field and came home, going left, he mistakenly signed right with his hand. And yes, that was the direction were the rape occurred. This showed a great discrepancy with his testimony: his verbal said “I went left” but his nonverbal corrected him “hand gesturing to the right”. After confrontation, the suspect confessed the crime. 1 Pease A., Pease B., The definitive book of body Language , 2004, Buderim, Allan Pease International, p. 216
  • 22. C H A P T E R 3 Decoding Facial Expressions Now that we have introduced the main concepts and areas of interest of non- verbal communication, let’s break down each element for further comprehension. Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotion in Man and Animals (1872/1998) was the first essay that introduced the universality of facial expressions. After that, many other researchers, such as Allport (1924), Woodworth (1938), Plutchik (1962) and Tomkins (1963) and later of Ekman (1960s; 1970s) suggested not only the universality of facial expressions’ interpretation but also the relevance of the first on the understanding of human nature. Another finding of these researches, mainly of Ekman and Friesen (1978) and Izard (1977), was to set an unit of measurement of facial expressions and therefore facial activity directly, without electromyography - largely used before but also very intrusive and less precise, since it was not able to detect fake smiles. But what are the distinct facial expressions of emotion? Historically, we recognize seven main emotions: joy, anger, fear, disgust, surprise, sadness and contempt. With the exception of the last one, each of these emotions was replicated in other studies all around the globe. Today, Ekman's theory, which includes a list of universally recognized facial expressions such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, disgust, joy, rage, shame, anguish, and interest, is supported by global recognition, and added to its list discomfort: regardless the culture, age or social class it is proven that human can recognize when someone’s not feeling like it. In modern days, researchers have broadened their understanding of facial expressions of emotion by delving deeper into the temporal dynamics of expressions and paying attention to gaze, head movements, and postural activity. This led to exploring the body enactment of shame, embarrassment, sympathy and they interpreted and decoded laughter, smiling, blush, the tongue protrusion, and so on, and found that all of these convey precise emotions. But are all smiles the germane enactment of related happiness? How can someone detect the falsity of an act to the truthfulness of a gesture?
  • 23. The body employs what researchers have called micro-signals: small, involuntary and unconscious gestures that reveal the honesty and/or the fallacy of words. But they are to be interpreted. Open palms are typically linked with sincerity, but if someone who is being deceptive presents open palms and smiles while telling a falsehood, their subtle nonverbal cues will reveal their dishonesty. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this and want to test it, try this: when observing them, watch for signs like pupil constriction, a raised eyebrow, or a twitching corner of the mouth. These subtle cues run counter to the open palm gesture and the seemingly sincere smile. As a result, particularly among women, there is a heightened tendency to doubt the veracity of their words. But what are the main micro- expressions that tell us someone is truly feeling that feeling? Associated with the seven basic emotion, there are precise microexpressions: o Eyes quickly widen in a reflexive attempt to gather more information. Simultaneously, a slight raising of the eyebrows, as if trying to increase their field of vision, appears as their mouth subtly tenses, often with a tightening of the lips. We are in front of the emotion of fear. o A momentary wrinkling of the nose, creating vertical lines above the bridge, accompanied by a slight curling inwards and upwards of the upper lip, narrowing of the eyes, and the protrusion of the tongue: all of these expressions reveal their utter disgust. Facial displays of disgust are often very honest and reflect quite directly the brain's activity; it is conveyed first and foremost on the face. This is because our faces are evolutionarily and biologically biased to reject rotten or unpleasant food that may harm us. o Not only a brief downward turn of the corners of the mouth, creating a noticeable frown, not only the eyelids may droop slightly, giving the eyes a heavier appearance… but also the absolute disregard of personal appearance: sadness has such an impact on the brain that is often associated with illness, for it almost requires the same amount of brain activity to be cared about. A lack of personal hygiene and/or grooming can help us understand someone’s health and mind. o Surprise: some cultures such as Japanese, West Irian and Dani people
  • 24. cannot distinguish fear from surprise. Surprise is characterized by a sudden widening of the eyes, often accompanied by a quick, upward movement of the eyebrows. Someone may also rapidly drop their jaw in reaction to the unexpected. The Eyebrow Flash, in particular, is probably linked to the hardly separable bond between fear and surprise, it says “I am surprised and afraid of you - I acknowledge your presence and I am not dangerous”: for this reason, people do the eyebrow flash to the ones they like and those who don’t show it are perceived as potentially aggressive. o The sneer, a quick narrowing of the eyes, making their gaze more focused and intense. The lips are pressed together firmly, and there's noticeable tension in the jaw muscles: someone is definitely angry. For example, The Hands-on-Hips is a generally recognized sign that you are in trouble: that person is ready for a resolute attack, especially when arms are half raised. Distance or other impediments to closeness can also be a clear indicator of the escalation of anger. How many times during our teenage years did we get mad at our teacher? And have you noticed how many times one of the main obstacles to resolution was the distance - aggravated by the desks, the front position of the teaching post and the hierarchy it imposed - the teacher kept between us? Anger levels are shown not only with facial expressions, but also with body stillness. o A sneer says a lot about what someone is thinking of you: “I couldn’t care less”. Likewise, the rolling of eyes, the sneer is universally associated with contempt. It conveys disrespect, a lack of empathy or care, and is generally manifested through the buccinator muscles on the sides of our face. These muscles are responsible for contracting the lip corners sideways and toward the ears, often producing dimples in the cheeks: if someone sneers, you can bet that the relationship with that person is troubled, at least. Also, if someone holds the nose high and looks down on the interlocutor then it is highly likely they are snobbing them, as the high posture of the nose reflects the speaker’s status and contempt towards the other person - this behavior is often shown in politicians and people with a high job-position. o A genuine smile of happiness involves a fast and upward movement of the corners of the mouth, creating a visible and heartfelt exposure of
  • 25. teeth. Not only the lips-area, but also the eyes may also crinkle at the outer corners, forming women’s beloved “crow's feet”. When our grandma told us to put on a happy face or to show our pearly whites, she intuitively knew that these behaviors would produce a positive reaction in other people. Smiles are controlled by the zygomatic major muscles and the orbicularis oculi, the first to expose teeth and enlarge cheeks, the second to make eyes narrow. When exploring happiness in people's faces, remember this: zygomatic major are intentionally controlled, which means they are also used to fake smiles and enjoyment. It is the orbicularis oculi that acts independently and reveals the truthfulness of the smile. So if you want to know if your wife is really happy to go with you at the football game, check those crow's feet first and don’t let yourself be fooled by that smiling mouth. Decoding facial expressions might be difficult mainly due to the fact that the visage can convey much, yet it can also deceive. We recommend you to search for the so-called “clusters of behavior” and, in the meantime, constantly assess what you see while comparing facial expressions to body behaviors: do they align with each other? Or do they speak different languages? To enhance your technique, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and endeavor to understand how it makes you feel: reenact them and listen to yourself, you will find out sooner or later what they are truly feeling. Eyes Tell(s) the Truth If it is true that the truth lies in the eyes of the beholder, then we can easily imagine how the gaze and, more precisely, eyes configurations can help us understand whether someone is lying or not. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) gave rise to the hypothesis that eye positions and directions are linked to the differentiation between truth-telling and deception. NLP, a system formulated in 1975 by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, also served as the catalyst for an investigation into the relationship between eye positions and the processing of information. They stated that when someone is engaged in information retrieval from memory they would direct their gaze towards the upper right corner of their visual field, so “visually recalling” their memory.
  • 26. On the other hand, when someone is engaged in the process of constructing an idea - therefore not derived from memory - they would tend to direct the gaze toward the upper left corner of their visual field, a phenomenon termed “visual construct”. Furthermore, when an individual recalls a sound, they would exhibit lateral eye movement towards the right, denoted as “verbal recall”. On the contrary, if they were envisioning a non-existing or new sound, such as a parrot singing happy birthday, they would display lateral eye movement to the left, a response categorized as “verbal construct”. Eye movements and position play a great role in body language. Also, we don’t have control over our pupils: if they dilate, that shows our appreciation for something; if they constrict, we are most likely not fond of them. For example, eye blocking is a common behavior of people that feel threatened and want to look away. To do so, we squint - the deliberate action of closing or shielding our eyes - in order to defend the brain from encountering undesirable visual stimuli and to convey our disapproval or disdain towards others. When someone is asked to answer questions but squints, that is a sign to keep questioning: the truth lies behind that eye-blocking, and you must uncover it. When individuals live unsettling situations, it is not uncommon for some of them to instinctively lower their eyebrows. This particular action holds significance in the realm of non-verbal communication, as it shows low confidence and the presence of negative emotions, such as vulnerability and insecurity. On the flip side, the positioning of arched eyebrows carries a distinct connotation. It is emblematic of high confidence and a harbinger of positive feelings. This gravity-defying behavior projects an air of assurance and strength in a person. Eyes are undoubtedly important in body language, but are not alone: in the next paragraph we will uncover the mysteries of the mouth-area. On Everyone’s Lips The other day I was talking to my boss and I noticed my mouth was dry and I kept yawning (internally), and I immediately recalled my dog educator explaining to me that animals tend to yawn to show discomfort. I was not only unconsciously taking a deep breath, but also was trying to activate my salivary glands and hydrate my dry lips to ease my anxiety. Why? Because I
  • 27. was feeling uncomfortable in the presence of my boss. People can say many words with their mouths, but they can also show even more different emotions: when someone says a positive thing about someone else, but their jaw muscles are tense and their smile is timid… they're probably hiding another truth. Genuine and unreserved feelings of happiness are distinctly reflected in both the face and neck. The manifestations of positive emotions are revealed through several nuanced cues: the softening of furrowed lines on the forehead, the relaxation of muscles around the mouth, the emergence of full lips devoid of compression or tension, and the widening of the eye area as the surrounding muscles ease, ecc. This is because in moments of genuine relaxation and comfort, our facial muscles naturally unwind, and our head tends to tilt to the side, thereby exposing one of the most vulnerable areas, the neck. This particular gesture constitutes a high-comfort display, often witnessed during courtship rituals, and it proves challenging to replicate when one is plagued by discomfort, tension, suspicion, or a sense of threat. Stress can play a great role in people, this is particularly true for body- language. Disappearing lips are very common among those who feel stress and it is a subconscious reaction of the brain. It is trying to shut down and close the body perimeter because it is dealing with serious issues inside: something is wrong, and they are probably under a lot of stress. Full lips, on the other hand, show that everything is file; when the lips are pressed and the corner of the mouth are upside-down, we are in the presence of high distress. The best part (if you can find one)? This behavior is not intentionally replicable: it is a limbic response hard to mimic and often highlights negating thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, if someone’s lip are not quite disappeared but rather are “purses” or “pucked”, then it is often a sign of disagreement with someone and that they are already thinking of a possible change or alternative idea to it, or completely rejecting what is being said. Last but not least: the tongue. Watch out for tongue-jutter: this is usually seen among those who believe they have gotten away with something, therefore they might have implicitly said to you “Gotcha!”. In the next chapter we will analyze strategies to improve your facial expressions recognition to detect hidden emotions in neutral expressions.
  • 28. Practical Exercises to Improve Facial Expression Analysis We have already stressed the importance of taking into consideration both context and culture when interpreting facial expressions, but don’t forget to always pair words with gestures. We encourage critical thinking and discussions precisely because it is really hard to understand body language and, sometimes, cues and signs can be misleading. Discrepancies between words and gestures are a clear sign that something is off, but it is pivotal to learn to interpret these discrepancies correctly, or we could start to accuse of falsity a tearless widow just because we wrongly translated her silence with indifference. So, how can you improve your observation skills? We propose 2 exercises to better your facial expressions recognition ability: 1. Interactive Role-Playing Role-playing scenarios give you the opportunity to embody various emotions and observe how your expressions change. Step 1: Pair up Find a partner or a small group of participants to work with. Each person will take turns playing different roles while the other(s) observe and analyze their facial expressions. Step 2: Choose emotions Select a range of emotions to work with. Start easy: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust; as you become more comfortable, you can explore more complex emotions. Step 3: Act out emotions One person in the pair or group will act out a specific emotion without using any verbal communication, focusing solely on expressing the chosen emotion through their facial expressions. Step 4: Observe and Analyze The observer(s) should carefully watch the actor's facial expressions, paying attention to changes in the eyes, mouth, and overall demeanor. Take note of any microexpressions or subtle cues.
  • 29. Step 5: Discussion After each role-play session, have a discussion about the observed facial expressions. Ask questions such as: What specific facial cues did you notice when portraying or observing the emotion? Were there any microexpressions or subtle changes that stood out? 2. Real-Life Observation and Practice To refine your facial expression recognition skills, there's no substitute for real-life practice in the real-world. In this exercise, you will engage in practical observation and interaction, starting from daily life activities. Step 1: Observation Begin by paying close attention to the facial expressions of people you encounter and incorporate mindful observation on their behaviors. Step 2: Keep a Journal Maintain a journal or digital note-taking app dedicated to documenting your observations and note specific facial expressions and your interpretations of the emotions they convey. Step 3: Engage in conversations Actively engage in conversations with friends, family, or acquaintances to observe the subtle changes in their facial expressions. Step 4: Self-reflection After each conversation or observation, take a moment for self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like: What emotions did I observe during the interaction? Were there any microexpressions or subtle cues that indicate underlying emotions? Step 5: Seek feedback Encourage open communication with those close to you. Ask them for feedback on your ability to recognize their facial expressions accurately during conversations. Their input can offer valuable insights. To make it easier, in the next part we propose an example: the case of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp.
  • 30. Case study - Depp vs Heard The legal dispute between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard is a highly publicized case that has garnered significant attention. Among the various allegations and counter-allegations, especially in the social media world, hordes of non-verbal communication experts gave their insight on the behavior of both parties and their facial expressions and emotions have come under deep scrutiny. In one occasion, the court listened to Dr. Shannon Curry testimony, a clinical psychologist hired by Johnny Depp's legal team, and while she stated that miss Heard bipolar disorder led her to attack one of her friends, Amber behavior was more than interesting to analyze. At first, she had her face highly distended, almost too much, as if she tried to look cool, polished, and secure, with her eyebrows high on the forehead. Then, as soon as the attack was mentioned, on the words “out of the blue”, her forehead wrinkled, confused and in disagreement. Suddenly, she looked over her shoulder, gazing among the audience, proceeded to make a rapid sneer and then again looked in the audience, nodded, and kept writing, now with the mouth slightly open in a purse that became a sneer. But what does it mean? The look over the shoulder is generally associated with lack of confidence, preoccupation, concern and the unexpected. She was scanning the audience, looking for approval and acceptance, maybe even connection. As she found it - seemingly - she showed contempt, a sneer (a microexpression), as she was saying “knock it off ”: the displeasure, as if she was really bothered about what the doctor was saying, showed that she perceived that as a threat, making her angry, maybe because as unexpected as it was made her lose control. Apart from this, remember: the Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard case is a complex legal matter with allegations of dishonesty on both sides. It's essential to acknowledge that facial expressions alone may not definitively prove or disprove the veracity of claims, and a comprehensive assessment requires consideration of all available evidence. Recognizing emotional suppression How many times have it occurred that, while our heart was pumping and our
  • 31. breath rapidly increasing, we had to stay cool and hide our true feelings - by suppressing them? Yes, it may seem odd, but it is quite common to not only hide but also to kill our own sentiments towards something. And sometimes the intensity of the feelings make us unable to completely hide the truth and, as Frued said, “the suppression of the speaker's intention to say something is the indispensable condition for the occurrence of a slip of the tongue”. What is to consider in not only the occurrences where the speaker is intentionally lying, but also those situations where they are not: they’re not aware of it, so they slip. These cases demonstrate how so-called Freudian slips can be deceptive when associated with conscious lying: not everyone who experiences a slip is lying, and not everyone who lies experiences a slip. Other ways of suppressing emotions can be shown when someone smiles through discomfort, hence creating a noticeable incongruence between the lips and the eyes, shows microexpressions of pain - a fleeting wince, narrowing of the eyes, or a grimace, or in the tightening of the jaw and clenching of teeth, where anger or frustration find in these body parts a safety valve. Also, avoiding eye contact, especially in the presence of guilt or shame, the gaze might shift downward or to the side, reflecting the attempt to hide their true feelings. Recognizing these signals becomes useful especially in situations where knowing how to adapt to the emotional environment of those present is important for the success of the relational encounter. Our interlocutor might be feeling down, but at the same time they might prefer to keep this information for themselves; the reasons may vary - but the suppression of their emotions triggers a series of microexpressions that can help you navigate the best options to approach to their sadness, making that encounter as pleasant as possible. As we draw the curtain on this chapter, I’d like to stress the profound significance of mastering the art of discerning microexpressions, facial expressions, and the intricate language of emotions. These skills not only enrich our interpersonal connections but also deepen our comprehension of the profound tapestry of human feelings. In this ever- evolving world, the ability to decode the unspoken messages of non-verbal communication stands as a powerful tool for our every-day life. In the next chapter we will talk about body-language and its practical nuances in male and female behavior.
  • 32. C H A P T E R 4 Interpreting Body Language This chapter delves more profoundly into the world of body language. It explores the importance of understanding body posture, gestures, and movements by offering insights into their meanings, providing examples and bringing real-life scenarios as examples. From the intricacies of mirroring and rapport-building to reading body language in group settings, this chapter provides practical knowledge and exercises to enhance your ability to interpret non-verbal cues. The Importance of Body Posture and Stance Let’s start here: people know how they are supposed to sit and stand, especially in a formal situation, such as during an investigation, an interview, or the first dinner with the in-laws. As weird as it sounds, people seem to have more control of their posture the more they are deceiving. Generally, humans tend to move forward when they are interested or angry, and backwards then they feel frightened or disgusted. Particularly, there are some major not-so-obvious outlines that can help you recognise someone’s real thoughts by observing their posture. 1. Open vs. Closed Body Language We can divide body language posture scenarios into two distinct categories: open and closed. Open body language typically involves a relaxed and expansive posture. Arms may be uncrossed, and the torso is often facing the other person, demonstrating an inclination toward engagement and cooperation, and palms are visible and relaxed. Conversely, closed body language manifests as a more defensive stance, where the arms may be crossed, and the individual may turn their body away, indicating a desire for distance or a guarded demeanor, as well as crossing their legs, almost like a barrier. The position of legs can convey openness or closeness: for example, similarly to the “arm barrier gesture”, that was originally meant to protect the
  • 33. heart from attacks, crossed legs are a signal of defensiveness or negativity that produce the attempt to protect the genitals3. Also the leg lock position can give great understanding of a person’s nature: when the arm “lock” or “grap” the leg in place, it is often a sign that the individual we are speaking with is very competitive or dominant. During a meeting, it is advisable to avoid this gesture to keep an understanding atmosphere in the office. 2. Gestures and hands movements Gestures are the silent punctuation marks of our conversations. They add emphasis, clarity, and layers of meaning to our verbal expressions. However, the interpretation of gestures is not always straightforward; it is deeply influenced by cultural, contextual, and individual factors… and emotions. As we already know, an open palm is evolutionary associated with truth and honesty. When criminals show their hands, it is to reassure that no arm is intended - nor weapon present. Likewise, in day-to-day activity there are two common palm gestures. The first involves an upward-facing palm, commonly associated with a beggar requesting money or food. The second features a downward-facing palm, conveying a sense of pressing down or restraining: humans show their palms to show submission, they say “I am completely honest with you”. There are many different gestures that it is important to recognise. In the following page, you will find a few with a short explanation: 3 Patience: a distinction of this will be made in the next paragraph, when analyzing women and men behavior differences.
  • 34. ➢ Rubbing the palms together: it can signify anticipation, excitement, or readiness for action. It might be seen when someone is looking forward to something or preparing to positively tackle a task. ➢ Thumb and finger rub: rubbing the thumb against the fingertips can indicate a person's desire for something valuable, such as money or approval. ➢ Hands clenched together in tower and middle position: generally, it can indicate frustration, stress, or a desire for self- control. The height and pressure of the clenching can vary and convey different levels of hostility. A high clench is usually more negative than a middle or lower position, but all three are the flipside of open palms, so... ➢ Steepling hands: confidence, self-assuredness, and a sense of control. It’s common among individuals who are in positions of authority and strength. The raised steeple is used when someone is expressing their thoughts or ideas during a conversation (hence confidence), whereas the lowered steeple is typically adopted while listening (hence caution and/or skepticism). When the raised steeple is accompanied by a backward tilt of the head, it may convey presumption or arrogance. Notably, women tend to use the lowered steeple position more frequently than the raised steeple. ➢ Gripping hands, arms, and wrists: the palm-in-palm gesture generally shows confidence and relaxation, for it exposes “risky” areas such as the heart and the stomach while remaining relaxed. But pay attention to the position of the “grabbing hand”: the higher the grab (wrist, upper-arm), the higher the anger, frustration and/or sense of control needed during a stressful situation. What do they say? Oh yes, “Get a good grip on yourself ”... ➢ Thumb display: the thumb display can indicate different levels of confidence. For example, when it is in the coat pocket it might suggest a more relaxed or self-assured demeanor, while someone that keeps the thumbs protruding from back or front pocket is showing dominance.
  • 35. ➢ Hands on the mouth (the mouthguard): placing hands on the mouth can show the attempt to suppress speech or emotional reactions. Often it is accompanied by a fake cough. ➢ Nose touching: it can be a sign of potential deception, indicating that the person is not fully confident in what they are saying. ➢ The eye rub: this is often an attempt to block out unwanted sights or emotions, as well as the words of a liar. In doing so, the speaker avoids looking at the face of the person to whom he’s lying to. ➢ The ear rub: as for mouth and eye blocking, the ear rub has similar meaning, hence “I don’t want to hear” or “I hear no evil”. If someone bend the entire ear they might want to stop hearing and take the floor. ➢ The neck scratch: as being a sign of doubt, it signifies “I don’t totally agree with this”. ➢ The collar pull: with the desire to relieve tension, pulling the collar is also associated with people who lie. The liar feels a tingling sensation on the neck, as if the falsity of their words cause the tickle, or the higher temperature of the body. Don’t be surprised if after this gesture, that person asks to repeat what you’ve just said: they’re trying to deceit. ➢ Fingers in the mouth: it resembles the soothing need of the child to suck at their thumb, and it can be a sign of anxiety, insecurity, or a need for reassurance. ➢ Hands on the chin and cheek: it can suggest that someone is deep in thought, contemplating, or analyzing a situation, but also that someone is bored to death. When the hand is completely sustaining the face is undoubtedly a sign of tiredness and boredom, as well as when the index finger points to the temple and the other fingers are “punched” in the cheekbones. On the contrary, when the hand is on the cheek it shows genuine interest. But when the index finger is positioned vertically up to the cheek and the thumb supports the chin, then I am sorry to tell you that there is a high chance that your listener is not having good thoughts about your
  • 36. speech. ➢ Chin stroking: it can indicate a person is carefully considering their words or actions, often seen when someone is making a decision. ➢ Pain in the neck gesture: it can be a sign of annoyance or frustration, when the hand first slaps the back of the neck and only then begins to rub it. ➢ Partial arm-cross barriers: it often helps the person to relive emotional security of their childhood, but it can also signify a lack of self-confidence and distance. We tackled the main hand gestures and movements. In the next section, we will discover the subjects of mirroring and rapport-building by using our knowledge so far gained in the non-verbal communication domain. Mirroring and Rapport-Building Effective communication extends beyond mere words; it thrives on the unspoken connections forged through body language. Isopraxism, a fascinating phenomenon also known as “limbic synchrony”, involves two individuals unconsciously mimicking each other’s body language and movements. This often occurs without the awareness of the person who is mirroring. It is observed across various cultures and species, with its most prominent manifestation found in humans. Studies have revealed its remarkable effectiveness in establishing rapport and fostering a sense of trust and mutual understanding between individuals. The general rule is that we mirror the other person’s behavior when we are feeling comfortable: we lean towards each other to feel more connected to the other’s personal space and body; we lean away from things we want to disconnect from and that we don’t like. Mirroring, or isopraxis, starts when we are babies and is registered in high-comfort social interactions. For example, when we are talking to someone we like interacting with, it is highly likely that our feet and legs will mirror those of the other person, or even touch them. This is a proof of social harmony, where intimacy is rewarded and clearly shown by mirroring behaviors: in other words, mirroring is an
  • 37. unconscious way of signaling that we are in sync with the other person, both in our actions and in our understanding. 1. Detecting discomfort and stress through body cues Discomfort and stress often manifest through subtle body cues that escape our conscious awareness. In order to understand what confort (happiness, joy, relaxation) and discomfort (displeasure, anxiety, tension) mean, ask yourself: is this person rapidly changing behaviors and body movements? Do they appear relaxed and care-free? Or are they trying to look cool? Learning to decipher these cues can be instrumental in understanding the emotional landscape of those we interact with. Recognizing and addressing these cues can lead to more empathetic and effective communication. For example, we find the disguised arm-cross gestures: when an object is held in someone’s hands (flowers, bag, phone) it can form a barrier to hide embarrassment and discomfort, as well as the action of rubbing one’s hand in the wrist of the other, maybe where there’s a watch or a bracelet. 2. Gender-Specific Body Language Differences Body language can be influenced by gender-specific cultural norms and societal expectations. For example, men often stand or sit with their legs apart, showing dominance or assertiveness, while women tend to stand or sit with their legs crossed. Not only to “hide” private parts and be comfortable, but also to “keep together” their body parts in reassurance. Furthermore, men tend to display less facial expressiveness in some situations, aiming to appear stoic or in control of their emotions, while women are often more free and diverse with their facial expressions, mainly because they can better convey and notice warmth, empathy, or engagement. Another difference between men and women gestures is associated with the need of pacification: by covering or touching the suprasternal notch, women show stress and fear, while men don’t typically touch this area when they are fearful: men prefer touching the face, women prefer neck, hair and objects. Men are more “stiff ” and “robust” in the way they pacify themselves, whereas women tend to touch or play with the neck area, especially in the presence of a necklace. Men, on the other hand, grasp and cup their necks with their hands, in that point beneath the chin, where the vagus nerve is
  • 38. found: this simple gesture slows down the heart rate and is often disguised by the attempt of adjusting the collar or the tie knot. 3. Analyzing Seating Arrangements & Personal Space The arrangement of seating and personal space preferences can reveal a wealth of information about group dynamics and individual comfort levels. The issue is: where and how you sit, in relation to other people, tells a lot about the way you connect to them. There are many table-sitting positions: the corner position, the co-operative position, the competitive and defensive position and, last but not least, the “I don’t want anything to do with you position”. As you may imagine, the corner position is used by friends having a casual conversation, as it allows good eye contact and closeness. The position of the table offers a division in case someone feels threatened without making it territorial. The cooperative position sees both parties sitting on the same side of the table: this is perfect when playing a group game or to study together. The competitive position is the one that sees one person sitting in front of the other and is mainly used during games and formal interviews. Finally, the “I don’t want anything to do with you position” is the one where we sit diametrically opposite to the other person, showing either indifference or hostility. This is why King’s Arthur round table was a great concept for meeting with peers: it allows everyone to feel important, included and heard, without giving the impression of power-struggle or dominance. Concluding this section, let’s add this piece of information that will come handy for future public presentations. If you are aiming at giving your best speech, remember: studies show that the best face-side is your left one, because it is the other person’s right visual field. The more you know. 4. Practical Exercises to Enhance Body Language Interpretation Incorporating practical exercises into your journey of body language interpretation is invaluable and hands-on exercises are designed to refine your ability to read non-verbal cues effectively. How would you rearrange the design of your office in order to make it more welcoming and reassuring? How would you change your house furniture’s
  • 39. disposition to improve its warmth? What gestures would you make and/or avoid to keep the vibe of the conversation pleasant? To answer these questions, try to remember what you are trying to do: you need to think how you, as a guest, friend, or stranger, would feel in “your” office, house and presence. If your office displays a desk where the other person cannot see your legs, maybe change it to an open one; and if the back of their chair points to the door - meaning they can’t see who’s coming in and out - you may want to change the disposition. If you keep a hand locked on your ankle, or your arms folded while they speak, you are probably making it harder for them to relax and show their best potential. This is a list of both positive and negative body gestures: test yourself and try to guess which one is positive and which is negative by adding a “P” for positive and a “N” for negative in the near box. Leaning slightly forward when listening Tapping fingers or feet Putting hand over the mouth Keeping palms open and visible Crossing arms Grabbing the wrist Rubbing the nose Touching the ear Showing thumbs out from pockets Standing in front of a person that has their feet away from us Crossed legs in men Hands holding the cheek Smashing and rubbing the neck Mirroring the other person's gestures Maintaining eye contact with a warm smile Covering the ear while the other person is speaking Engaging in active listening with head tilted slightly Leaning away from someone Touching the other person’s on the arm or shoulder Chairs far away from each others Hidden lips Small pupils
  • 40. Solutions: P, N, N, P, N, N, N, N, N, N, P, N, N, P, P, N, P, N, P, N, N, N. 5. Real-World Scenarios Bringing theory into practice is essential for mastering body language interpretation. And what better occasion than bringing on the table of analysis my first interview. I was a candidate for a position of front and back office, nothing special, but body language and a great understanding of non-verbal communication was a requested skill in the ideal candidate’s resume. I was answering some general questions: where I conducted my studies, my foreign languages’ levels, my communication skills and my previous working experience. Suddenly, as I was answering a question related to having trouble finding positive ways of keeping work-life balance, I noticed that the person doing my interview - who kept a relaxed and composed posture up until then - took a great breath with their nose and slightly raised their shoulders. This made me stop talking. I realized that was a topic of great interest and I started asking myself: what are they thinking in relation to this? It seems important. So I asked: “How is work-life balance kept here? They stood in silence. I noticed that their gaze, that never left mine until then, briefly shifted. Their eyes started going sideways, more precisely on my right, therefore their left. I immediately thought to myself “oh-oh”, this is going to be interesting. They later on proceed to vaguely explain their situation in the office, suddenly hiding their hands under the desk. That was all I needed to know. What’s the moral of the story? Always observe your surroundings when making an interview - or conducting one - and make sure the other person’s body language if not mirrors yours at least remain relaxed and open: otherwise, you’re going to have a rude awakening, sooner or later. Reading Body Language In Group Settings When creating rapport it is important to recognize that oftentimes we are not alone with our interlocutor. In bigger groups, it is almost more difficult - and somewhat fascinating - to be able to read the room as it can uncover in
  • 41. advance many different non-verbal cues. Identifying Dominance and Submission Group settings often witness subtle power struggles and hierarchies, which are mirrored in body language. If you find yourself in a group of people and you want to know “who has the power” or “who is the leader”, simply observe to whom are the feet pointing to (especially the lead foot), or for whom the room is silenced when that person speaks or, again, pay close attention to mirroring behavior: who is the one that everyone is mirroring? As for submission, smiling and shrugging the shoulders are both signs of submission. But more importantly, remember that humans show their palms to convey defeat or submission to the other person and, in modern days, to reassure the other person that they are not a threat. In power struggles during a conversation we often see that dominance is expressed with hands: when someone closes their hand in a punch and leaves out only the index finger, pointing it towards us it says “do as I say, or else!” and creates negative and forcefully submissive feelings in the listener. When we shake someone’s hand, especially during a new encounter, we usually make three different unconscious thoughts: ● This person is trying to dominate me ● I can dominate this person ● This person feels easy-going In the first case, the stranger will most likely turn the hand facing down on yours, directing the shake below towards the ground. In the second case, you will probably have the other person giving their hands, offering you control of the shake direction, that will go most likely upwards. In the third case, both hands shake up and down, neither facing the ground and without strength, creating an equal and mutual respect. Confidence is a trait that resonates strongly through body language. If someone is standing in front of us, straight legs and arms hidden in the back, they are probably saying to us “I don’t fear you”, for they are showing their vulnerability without feeling threatened by us. Open legs and palms, coats unbuttoned, relaxed appearance and one leg
  • 42. leaned back and the other pointing the group: if you see this behavior, there’s a high probability that this person is a friend of the group of people they are talking to; their confidence and relaxation speak the truth. On the other side of the gender river, researchers found that a woman that wears make-up feels more confident (or is able to show it) more than one who doesn’t. Culturally and socially, the use of make-up on women is associated with polished looks, self-care and self-worth; although we can generally argue that it takes more courage to show a clean face, the perception of people tells us otherwise. The general perception of females' abilities still tend to pass through their appearance, especially when men put them under scrutiny. During an experiment, Allan and Barbara Pease found out that women who chose to wear both makeup and glasses were often perceived as confident, intelligent and sophisticated. However, some females viewed them as confident but possibly aloof, arrogant, or conceited. This perception hinted at a potential sense of competition among the women, as this perspective was not shared by the males. On the other hand, those who opted for makeup without glasses received favorable evaluations on their appearance and personal presentation but received lower ratings in areas related to personal skills, such as active listening and the ability to establish rapport. Knowing the differences of perception between men and women, as well as their socially constructed interpretation, can further help to navigate body language communication. Nevertheless, successful communication within a group involves not only reading others' body language but also adapting your own. Understanding the art of flexibility in expression fosters better group dynamics and collaboration. This is why realizing what a confident behavior is made of is key to a successful conversation. Next time you want to reassure the participants of a crowded conversation remember to pay attention to their gestures and microexpressions: how are they sitting? Where are their hands? Are they smiling with their eyes, too? Where do you sit compared to them and how are you communicating? Are your palms open, your legs straight and visible and your face relaxed? If your answers depict a positive situation, then you can start mirroring their gestures and find out if you are followed by their bodies: if this happens, you have just won their attention and you have discovered how mirroring can create a sense of unity and cooperation within a group. As we reach the end of this chapter, we introduce the next: in the next pages, we will dwell into
  • 43. the world of connection between words and emotions. We will listen to hidden meanings by practicing active listening with the aim of mastering persuasive speech techniques.
  • 44. C H A P T E R 5 Verbal Cues and Speech Patterns Now you know it: effective communication extends beyond body language; it finds its core in the words we choose, the tones we employ, and the emotions we convey. In this chapter, we delve into the intricate world of verbal cues and speech patterns, exploring how words can be a window to emotions and intentions. But what is a verbal cue? A verbal cue refers to anything spoken (a word, a sound) that prompts a reaction. There are two types: 1. Direct verbal cues, which are typically straightforward instructions or warnings, often used by parents with young children. For example, “brush your teeth”, “eat your veggies”,' or “don’t do that!”. 2. Indirect verbal cues, on the other hand, are not always immediately straightforward. They frequently take the form of questions, and some may be open-ended, requiring thoughtful consideration. For instance, asking “what is the sum of 1+1?” usually elicits a quick response of “two” without much deliberation. However, posing a complex, open-ended philosophical question places a cognitive burden on the listener, potentially leading to responses like “I don't know”. Certain cues may be phrased as questions but essentially function as polite requests. For example, “could you open the door, please?” or “is that your new car?” - these questions carry an implicit expectation of compliance. In addition to verbal cues, we find speech patterns, which are essentially our verbal ID: each and every one of us have their own pattern of speaking. The way someone speaks, the words they choose and most oftenly repeat, the different dialects and slangs, the construction of sentences and even the formality/informality of their language is a structured fingerprint of their own personality. Everyone has their own speaking style, and it is often shown in these areas:
  • 45. ● Brevity: This category represents a speaker’s ability to express a lot in just a few words. People who speak with brevity are often referred to as concise. ● Inflection: it highlights how individuals emphasize certain elements in their speech. Components of inflection encompass prosody, intonation patterns, rhythm, and the use of “uptalk”. ● Emotive mood: a person’s mood can be part of their speech pattern. This is a factor that often affects the identifiers mentioned above. For instance, people who are generally brief are often labeled as concise, people that “say more in less”. On the other hand, people that have an extrovert personality tend to talk more, more openly and are often labeled as being chatty. ● Speech rate: the pace at which someone engages in conversation is a crucial component of communication. It plays a pivotal role in work environments and especially in those jobs related to voice-skills, such as crafting narratives, delivering voiceovers, and creating audio advertisements. ● Clarity: Many people pronounce and group words differently from one another. Although this makes talking with people intriguing, it also can be the source of much misunderstanding, especially if not understood. Different speech patterns are generally linked to different behaviors. Just consider how the use of slangs in speech is associated with more or less serious criminal attribution (and stereotypes); or how much social media influences our speech and idioms. In the next paragraph we will analyze the correlation between emotion and verbal words, by tying them together with vocal tone, pitch and the way these are related to deception and body language. The connection between words and emotions In the intricate realm of communication, words serve as more than mere conveyors of information: they become the brushstrokes of emotion, the tools of persuasion, and the mirrors reflecting our innermost thoughts. In the realm of body language studies this is even more true. In the realm of non-verbal communication, the influence of pitch and tone of voice is akin to the undercurrents that shape the river's course. These elements are potent
  • 46. conveyors of emotions, and they have a profound impact on the dynamics of interpersonal interaction. Imagine a warm, melodic tone that accompanies a heartfelt greeting: it’s not hard to understand why such a voice creates an immediate sense of trust in the other person. It's an unspoken invitation to connect, fostering an atmosphere of emotional understanding. Conversely, a harsh or dissonant tone can disrupt this delicate balance, hindering effective communication and creating emotional turbulence. The emotional expression through vocal cues is equally vital. A high-pitched, rapid tone may signal excitement or anxiety, adding layers of depth to the spoken words, and giving to the other person certain ideas about who we are and our identity. In contrast, a lower, slower tone might convey a sense of calmness and when the person is old, also of wisdom. Moreover, pitch and tone are tools for emphasizing specific words or phrases. By modulating their vocal delivery, speakers can draw attention to critical points, altering the perception of their message and making the other person understand a variation of the truth. A well-placed emphasis can turn a statement into a question or underline the importance of a particular idea. Yet, the interplay between words and tone goes beyond mere expression. It goes deep into authenticity and deception. For example, when words and tone align, it signals transparency and honesty, enhancing trust and credibility. On the other hand, discrepancies between verbal content and vocal tone can raise suspicion, as listeners subconsciously detect incongruities. Imagine you’re talking to the suspect of a crime. Let’s say his name is George. Our George talks about the horrible homicide of his neighbor, Rebecca. As he speaks of how good Rebecca was to him, you notice that his tone is flat, almost emotionless, and everytime he finishes the sentences he adds an inflection, as if it was a question. He clearly doesn’t believe what he is saying. Furthermore, George “cries” his eyeballs out without shredding a tear when talking about the possibility he is the killer. Again, his words seems to confirm he did not do it, but his tone says otherwise: “I definitely did not do it”, he says, but what, more precisely? When asked to confirm that, he almost cannot pronounce the word “kill”. That's it: the "words and emotions" discrepancies performed best in personal appearance and presentation, but received lower ratings in areas related to personal skills, such as active listening and rapport building.
  • 47. Knowing the differences of perception between men and women, as well as their socially constructed interpretation, can further help to navigate body language communication. Nevertheless, successful communication within a group involves not only reading others' body language but also adapting your own. Understanding the art of flexibility in expression fosters better group dynamics and collaboration. This is why realizing what a confident behavior is made of is key to a successful conversation. Next time you want to reassure the participants of a crowded conversation remember to pay attention to their gestures and microexpressions: how are they sitting? Where are their hands? Are they smiling with their eyes, too? Where do you sit compared to them and how are you communicating? Are your palms open, your legs straight and visible and your face relaxed? If your answers depict a positive situation, then you can start mirroring their gestures and find out if you are followed by their bodies: if this happens, you have just won their attention and you have discovered how mirroring can create a sense of unity and cooperation within a group. As we reach the end of this chapter, we introduce the next: in the next pages, we will dwell into the world of connection between words and emotions. We will listen to hidden meanings by practicing active listening with the aim of mastering persuasive speech techniques. In other and less “life-and-death” situations, but still unpleasant such as during conflict, the tone of voice emerges as a potent mediator. A calm and measured tone can diffuse tension and facilitate resolution, while an aggressive or defensive tone can fuel escalation. Lastly, the cultural and regional nuances of vocal tone cannot be overlooked. Different societies interpret vocal cues differently, and understanding these subtleties is crucial for effective cross-cultural communication. What may convey enthusiasm in one culture might be perceived as annoyance in another. For example, in the north of Italy people tend to maintain a lower tone of voice, a more formal choice of words and tend to cut short conversations. While this may vary among individuals, when compared to the South of Italy, the arguments gain depth and credibility. Southerns are culturally louder, more chatty and in general more informal, oftentimes preferring the dialect instead of the national language to communicate, even in formal situations. In essence, the pitch and tone of voice are the silent orchestrators of our spoken communication and personal identity. They
  • 48. weave the emotional tapestry that colors our words and dictate the rhythm of our interactions, as well as the hidden intention of our speech. In mastering the art of vocal modulation and aligning it with the context of conversation, we unlock the potential for richer, more harmonious communication with others. People tend to emphasize words in their speech for various reasons, primarily to convey specific meanings or emotional states more effectively. Empathizing certain words or phrases helps convey their significance in a sentence. For example, in the sentence “I didn't say he stole the money”, emphasizing “he” clarifies that someone else, not the speaker, is the suspect. Also, emphasis can reflect the speaker's emotional state. When excited, happy, angry, or frustrated, individuals may naturally emphasize words to match their emotional state. For instance, “I can't believe you did that! I am shocked”, emphasizes the speaker's surprise or disbelief. On the contrary, how can we listen for hidden meaning and intention? What are the identifying signs of confidence and insecurity and how can we detect them? Listening for hidden meanings and intentions in someone's speech is a skill that requires attentive and perceptive listening. And to do it effectively - surprise, surprise - the first step is to engage in active listening. By giving the speaker your full attention without distractions or interruptions, you will be able to observe and carefully listen to what they are saying and to how they are saying it. Particularly, pay close attention to the speaker’s tone of voice and body cues, as emotions often influence word choices. For example, a hesitant tone may reveal anxiety; a stutter may hide uncertainty. Furthermore, analyze the specific words and phrases used by the speaker. Subtle differences in wording can indicate hidden intentions. For instance, “I guess I could do it”, may suggest less commitment than “I will do it”. Also, start observing non-verbal cues, such as facial expressions, body language, and gestures, which can provide additional context to the spoken words, as we well know. And don’t forget to consider the broader context of the conversation and any previous interactions with this person, as this can help decipher their hidden intentions. When in doubt, ask open-ended questions that encourage the speaker to elaborate, providing a deeper understanding of their feelings (or truthfulness). If you want to identify signs
  • 49. of confidence and insecurity in speech, you must know that these can manifest profoundly in speech patterns. Here's how to recognize them: Confidence: they typically exhibit a steady and clear tone, express ideas with conviction, and use assertive language. For example, “I'm certain that this approach will work, and here's why…”. They are also not afraid to let you talk, and listen to what you have to say with patience and attention. Insecurity: they may display hesitancy in their speech, using phrases like “I think”, “I'm not sure”, or “Maybe”. Insecurity can also lead to excessive self- criticism or apologies, and a tendency to please the other person’s point of view. For instance, “I'm not entirely sure, but maybe we could consider this approach. I'm sorry this is all I can think of, maybe we should go with yours”. Needless to say, but let’s say it anyway: remember that interpreting hidden meanings or signs of confidence and insecurity should be done with sensitivity and consideration of individual differences. Communication styles may vary, and cultural factors also play a role in how people express themselves verbally. Developing strong interpersonal skills and practicing active listening will enhance your ability to decode hidden intentions and emotional nuances in speech. Practicing active listening in conversations As we said before, practicing active listening in conversations is crucial for effective communication and building strong relationships but also to detect one’s true intentions. It can be the key to build a broader understanding of non-verbal (and verbal) communication. Start by giving the other person your full attention and minimize possible distractions by finding a quiet place to talk. Proceed by maintaining eye contact - this tells the other person that you’re engaged and interested in their speech. As regards, use verbal cues like “I see”, “I understand”, or nod to indicate you are listening. Encourage the speaker to continue sharing by saying “Go on” or “Tell me more” and by making thoughtful questions, such as “What happened next?”, or “How did you feel / What did you think of it?”. Of course, avoid interrupting as much as possible: resist the urge to finish the speaker's sentences or to share your thoughts. Allow them to express themselves fully before responding and giving feedback. You can also try to periodically paraphrase or summarize
  • 50. what the speaker has said in your own words. This demonstrates that you are actively processing the information. Also, remember that smiling, nodding, and maintaining an open posture conveys warmth and receptivity. These suggestions will help you better your active listening skills, but also will give you the chance to observe the speaker while speaking and to easily recognize their verbal cues. Of course, conversations like this can better your ability to listen to others and to understand their verbal and non-verbal behaviors. Another suggestion is to watch recorded conversations for practice, perhaps of TedTalks and/or criminal interrogation - if you have the stomach for such things. By practicing it, you will be able to detect voice inflection and changes, but also you will start to discern intentions from truth, deceits from reality. Sometimes, especially in the cases where sarcasm or humor is involved, it can be hard. Detecting them in speech can be challenging because they often involve subtle cues that require careful listening and consideration of context. Of course, the first advice is: note the context. If you are in a public space, where informality is the general rule, then it is highly likely that the use of sarcasm and humor increases. Nonetheless, they are usually conveyed through exaggeration (“She ate like three stones of food!”) and opposite tone of voice. Also, humor often involves wordplay, puns, or clever phrasing. These linguistic cues create humor by using language in an unexpected or amusing way; or it can arise from incongruity or the unexpected, where the speaker may introduce a surprising twist or absurdity. For example, in the first case: “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands”; in the second: “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field”. Even more contradictory both in verbal and non-verbal communication is silence. Pauses, quietness and the absence of communication, as strange as it sounds, is an act of communication itself. Just because our interlocutor is not speaking, it does not mean that they are not communicating something: we just need to learn to hear differently. Often used to create emphasis and to give pathos to certain words and/or circumstances, especially pauses are largely used during speeches to induce audience to pay more attention to certain details or to anticipate an abrupt change in the narrated dialogue, the story or the experience.
  • 51. Pauses can be the beginning of a project, a sentence or change: they allow our brain to elaborate out-and-in itself: during a verbal exchange many things can happen. It is neurologically relevant to use silence to process and understand changes and information, to acquire a greater understanding of what is being said and what is not being said, to better explore the vastness of our and our interlocutor’s feelings and reactions. Silence is decisive: “Think before you speak” should be preceded by “in silence”, as for many people the absence of words is not merely the unsaid, but rather the thought, the reasoned, the processed, the interiorized. Silence and pauses are key during speech and verbal exchange, and also allow individuals to exit from the self-constraining box of “verbality” to enter in the universal of “non-verbality”. With silence we can better observe and perceive our interlocutor and the situation we are immersed with; we can give a glance to their body language, their silently present cues and signs that something is already speaking; just differently. This is another reason why active listening is a practice that should be carried out in the vastity of our day-by-day activity, and not just to read other people’s minds. Read emotional cues in written communication In ‘The Inner Theatre’: Decoding of Nonverbal Emotional Cues Described in Literary Texts, Brück, Gößling-Arnold, Wertheimer, and Wildgruber address the importance of nonverbal cues in human communication, such as facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice: everything that we already know of. Again, these cues play a crucial role in understanding the emotions and intentions of people in everyday social interactions. What is really interesting and worth investigating is that the authors suggest that the significance of nonverbal cues can be extended to the world of literature and storytelling. On the one hand, in literature, descriptions of nonverbal emotional signals are essential elements to understand dialogues between characters, as well as the communication between the author and the reader, and the interactions that bridge the two communication systems. Just as real-life nonverbal cues provide insights into people's minds, literary descriptions of these “known” signals offer readers a chance to imagine a character’s state of mind, enriching the reader’s understanding of them in the story itself.