This document provides advice on writing effective dialogue by discussing common sins or mistakes writers make. It identifies 8 sins of writing dialogue: 1) writing how people really talk instead of using dialogue to move the story and reveal character, 2) failing to give characters individual traits in their speech, 3) using speechifying where characters give long speeches, 4) using dialect or accent through phonetic spelling, 5) using excessive bad language, 6) writing exposition in dialogue, 7) writing dialogue that is too direct and puts everything on the surface, and 8) failing to listen to real people talk to understand different speech patterns. The document provides examples to illustrate effective dialogue that reveals character and distinguishes characters.

3. DIALOGUE
The Way People DON’T Talk

4. Sins of Writing Dialogue
1. Writing how people really talk.
Good dialogue moves the story
along and reveals character.

5. Revealing Character
“Here’s looking at you kid.”
“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.
Aren’t you?”
“I love the smell of napalm in the
morning.”
“I’m gonna make him an offer he
can’t refuse.”

6. Revealing Character
“You’ve got to ask yourself one question:
‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
“Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be
a bumpy night.”

7. Sins of Writing Dialogue
2. Failing to give characters individual
traits in their speech reflecting their
social, economic, gender, or
educational status, etc.

8. Social – Reveals social status, economic level,
regional affiliation, and educational level.
Gender – Men and women talk differently in
mixed company than when in a group of the
same sex.
Distinguishing Characters

9. Generally:
• Men change subject more frequently;
• Women tend to take turns speaking;
• Men advise but don’t reveal much about
themselves; women reveal themselves and
attempt to share a problem;
• Men tend to be more aggressive in
conversation;
• Men seek status; women seek connection;
• Women talk more in private; men more in
public conversations;
Distinguishing Characters

10. Idiocentric characters have personal patterns of
speech.
Sometimes smart people say dumb things and vise-
versa.
Stress levels should match the character.
Distinguishing Characters

11. Henry attempts to fuel his motorcycle but finds the pump is
out of order.
JACK
Ain't workin'.
Henry looks up to see JACK, dressed in dirty jeans and a
black T-shirt, leaning against the yellow chopper and chewing
on a candy bar.
JACK (CONT'D)
Dude inside said the power's off.
HENRY
Did he say when it might come back
on?
JACK
Nope. Said it happens sometimes
when they're doin' a cut-over up at
the mine. Out sometimes fer ten
minutes, maybe fer ten hours.
The lights come on in the station.
HENRY
Looks like we're in luck.
JACK
Can't tell fer how long though. You
go ahead. Better get loaded up
while the gettin's good, I always
say.

12. JACK
It Ain't workin'.
Henry looks up to see JACK, 22, dressed in dirty jeans and a
black T-shirt standing beside the yellow Harley chewing on a
candy bar.
JACK (CONT'D)
The Dude inside said the power's
off. Off all over town.
HENRY
Did he say if he knew when it might
come back on?
JACK
Nope. Said it happens sometimes
when they're doin' some kind a cut-
over up at a the mine. on the mountain.
(a beat)
Sometimes out fer ten minutes,
sometimes maybe fer ten hours. Can't
never tell.
The lights come on in the station.
HENRY
Looks like we're in luck. The
electricity has come back on.
JACK
Yup. Can't tell fer how long
though. You go ahead and fill 'er
up. Better get loaded up while the
gettin's good, I always say.

13. Sins of Writing Dialogue
3. Speechifying.
Your characters should not give
speeches. Your message should come
from your theme across your entire
story.

14. Sins of Writing Dialogue
4. Using dialect or accent.
“…mos’ lik’ly ta’en up makin’ ‘em artikylate
the’selves sump’n liken ta this... y’all.”
If the character speaks with a dialect or
accent, mention it in the description. Don’t
attempt to use phonetic spelling for dialect
or accent.

15. Sins of Writing Dialogue
5. Using bad language.
DON’T BUY THIS BOOK!
Excessive use of bad language is holding
up a sign that reads:
If you must use bad language, use it
judiciously and only for special emphasis.

16. Sins of Writing Dialogue
6. Writing exposition in dialogue.
Exposition belongs in the narrative
description. Don’t have your characters
tell the story.

17. Sins of Writing Dialogue
7. Writing dialogue ‘On the Nose.’
Don’t be too direct by putting everything
on the surface.
Use metaphor, analogy, reference, etc.
to provide meaning.

18. Sins of Writing Dialogue
8. Failing to listen to people talk.
Listen to not just family and friends. Most
likely they talk pretty much like you do.
Sit in a coffee shop and listen to the
different levels of speech, the rhythms, and
the phrases used.
Visit a courtroom. Listen to the attorneys
and the witnesses.

19. Sunset Blvd., dir. Billy Wilder, pref. William
Holden, Gloria Swanson, 1950.
Fiction Writer’s Workshop, Josep Novakovich.
Writing for Emotional Impact, Karl Iglesias.
Story Sense, Paul Lucy.
Write What You Don’t Know, Julian Hoxter.
Dead Girl’s Song, Howard Slater,
slater200@comcast.net.