In three sentences: May wrote to friends about the difficult conditions in Beirut from Israeli bombings, including frequent power outages. Her friends responded with sympathy for her situation, memories of their own experiences during conflicts, and frustration with the political circumstances driving the ongoing violence in Lebanon and wider region. Many expressed feelings of powerlessness but also a desire to maintain hope for a more just and peaceful future.

1. 1
Powerless
Beirut, June 1999
On June 26 1999, I shared the attached letter as an e-mail
with several friends.
Here is my message and some of the responses:
From: May Haddad
Date: June 26, 1999
Subject: Powerless
I wonder if I will be able to finish this e-mail, not because I
don’t want to, but because electricity may be cut off any
moment. The schedule is 2 hours every 24 hrs and no one
knows exactly when.
Madeleine invited me today to lunch. She cooked lots:
chicken and potatoes, green beans, mloukhia and kabab.
Madeleine likes to cook lots, but not this time as she had to
cook all food in the refrigerator otherwise it is wasted like
everything that I threw away from my refrigerator today.

2. 2
I walked in the streets of Ras Beirut, things looked somehow
normal with the exception of puffy eyes of almost all
because of the lack of sleep the night before.
It was a crazy night with Israeli airplanes roaming and
bombing.
Flashbacks from the war came back: vivid, painful and
depressing.
The feeling of powerless is haunting.
But whatever I describe does not compare to the story of
the firemen who were seen by the Israeli pilot extinguishing
fire at the power station after their first bombing...The pilot
decided to go ahead with the second round of bombs , not
only on the power station , but on the firemen as well.
4 firemen were killed and several injured.
By the time I wrote this e-mail, electricity went off
twice...good score.
This feeling of powerless is horrible.

3. 3
Responses of friends and siblings
Aida H. (DC):
Ikhti, Khayyi,
I wish I were with you (well, let's not lie too much here), or you with
me (yes, this sounds better)....
Do you want to consider it for a while? Come here and rest a little...
Yes
May, it is humiliating, you do feel powerless, but we are powerless...
so what's the point of suffering?
I saw the pictures of the firemen... I remember, all too vividly.... how
well I remember...
Annette and Peter C. (UK):
Dearest May
Following on from our email of yesterday (Sunday) - we keep on re-
reading your email, over and over. So simple, yet so moving.
If only there was something we could do.....
As we've all said before, the only hope is education for the next
generation, so that they may possibly learn from the lessons of the
past - our and your present.
Thinking of you - and all our other friends in Lebanon.
Love

4. 4
Danielle M. (Montreal):
Dear May, Thanks for letting me know your story, I think of you and
hope this craziness will be over soon.
I beg you not to put your life at risk. If you need so, come over here.
There will always be room for you.
Dan W. (DC):
I did worry. The press reports were minimal but what there was not
good. There was a major story about the Lebanese firemen...what a
tragedy.
Are you OK? How are you feeling? You mentioned the memories that
the bombing brought back--I pray you will not let it bring you down. I
could not begin to understand what you went through back then,
even though I was there. You have been through a lot--more than
many people
Thinking of you and loving your inner child
Fadia H. (Toronto):
I am truly sorry that you are so devastated by free of charge Israeli
violence, as usual...BELIEVE ME HABIBTI, I have to finish writing up
one chapter and can't get myself going AT ALL!!!!
I am living like an automate since Thursday night because of living
these horrors time and again time and again and time and again...
I saw the raids on TV as they were happening I have satellite TV and I
could not live without it, it is my lungs and my oxygen to survive in
Canada...or was it "Karata", that gadget that helps one to put your

5. 5
shoes on when they are tight...Canada like Karata helps us to put our
life on as it has become very tight on us.... Sorry " Nakada" where
Nakad is almost intrinsic to our lives , I mean Canada....
I was not surprised by the raids because I never expected anything of
more humanity or class from a country of terror, a country which
since its existence is the reason underlying the quintessence of
suffering of my grandfather, father and mother, my generation and
certainly the reason behind my children's generation suffering. It is
the reason why I am an immigrant in Canada instead of being the
granddaughter of an imminent Jerusalemite man....living happily ever
after in my hometown... Israel is incompatible with a decent life for
any human being not Israeli in the Middle East, or did you think
otherwise???!!!
For the pilot the firemen are but Golems that do not deserve to live
while he is safeguarding the interests of his chosen people, the
people of God in his promised land, for them, the rest is trivial and
human lives are but the fuel for the existence, and continuity of
Israel.
When they sequestrated Gaza few years ago where 40% of
productive men made their living as workers in Israel, they simply
imported hand labor from Ceylon and Philippines in order to punish
the Palestinians of Gaza.... For this state everything is the same,
everything non -Jewish (the only religion in the world where you
cannot convert... you have to be born Jew), so after they mobilized
all the well meaning Jews around the Israeli state, a state built on
falsehood of history and oppression of people a state of terror WHAT
DO YOU EXPECT?
What do you expect of a lobby which has been advocating the
embargo on Iraq and has been the direct reason for the death of 1
million Iraqi children since 1990? Netanyahu goes Barak comes,
Sharon talks different players of the same symphony, a symphony of
horror and terror, a symphony of death a state of the devil that is

6. 6
what Israel is and has always been to me... and nothing is going to
change that feeling in my heart and consciousness even across the
exile of Canada...
So take a deep breath and be patient....
because that is the only way to survive Arab state hypocrisy, "Arab
mowaten" endurance and helplessness and Israeli gifts!
With all my love to you and Madeleine God only knows how much I
am sick from missing you I am cursing my ambition that made me
start my Ph.D or coming to Canada.
Hani A. (Montreal):
I did not realize that the situation in Lebanon is that bad. All what we
get on the news these days is Kosovo.
My heart goes out to you and to the entire Lebanese population. I
had lived similar situations, to a much smaller extent, in 1967 &
1973. I guess I will never understand how people can do that to each
other. This forever war in the Middle East is, may be, my primary
reason to appreciate where I am now even if it will never be like a
REAL home.
I guess the worst part is that you will have to eat all of Madeleine's
cooking at once or it will go bad without a fridge!
Take care of yourself
Harry L. (Vancouver):
I've been thinking about you and Nabil ever since the latest insanity
in the Middle East. Is he alright? I recall that he took a job restoring
the power system after the civil war ended. I can only hope that,

7. 7
once Barak becomes prime minister he and Assad can end this sordid
business. There will be no peace in Lebanon until the Israelis and the
Syrians settle their affairs in the Golan Heights.
The killing of the firemen was awful. I'll admit, I haven't been
following the Middle East news much, so I did not hear about it. All I
knew was that they were bombing the power stations and some
highways. Destroying infrastructure is bad enough, but to kill
firemen is gratuitously cruel.
The raid appears to have been Netanyahu's last stand. It is
scandalous that an outgoing prime minister would do something like
this just days before leaving office. But that is Netanyahu for you.
Stupid, arrogant, ignorant, and a poor loser. Ever since he was
elected his very presence has been a provocation.
I wish that, one day, Lebanon can be a normal place for normal
people.
Big hug,
Imad H. (Phoenix):
Dear family members,
Nabil: I bet you those airplanes were nothing like the day when you
and I were home alone and started hearing the bombs falling closer
and closer to the apartment and suddenly one hit the building and
we found out later that few sharpnels entered into the bathroom. It
was good you only took one shower per week at that time!
I also will never forget when our neighbor (the one that Ramadan
and his son used to beat up) came down the stairs full of dust after a
bomb landed in the room he was sleeping.
Love

8. 8
Jane M. (Berkley):
Jane shared my message with several colleagues and friends:
For those who don't know her, this came from Dr. May Haddad, a
long-time Hesperian consultant and friend. She works with the Arab
Resource Collective who have adapted and translated almost all our
books into Arabic.
Ken H. (NYC):
May, I am relieved to hear that you are well, despite the idiotic
activities of the parties in your part of the world who insist on making
more war. I have been out of touch with the news these past few
days while at a retreat in the lovely city of Ann Arbor, Michigan. But I
know that the Israelis are again bombing civilians and infrastructure,
perhaps taking a page from the recent American stupidity in Kosovo.
What can I say? I wish there was something I can do to brighten your
life amidst the destruction.
Mishka M. (Beirut):
As long as we record it- as you have- as long as we remain angry - we
are not powerless. They want us to resign ourselves to our lot. So
we have the power of resignation...or not.
Why should my four-year-old, who was born after the horror of the
war, cover in my bed in fear? Because she happens to be born
Lebanese?! Because a sick bunch of people 100 kilometers south of
here are so deranged that nothing will make them feel secure. Who
feel their security is contingent upon terrorizing innocent civilians,
upon exterminating them?

9. 9
Fight that feeling of powerlessness, May. Don't give in to it. Don't
resign yourself: that is still your decision. That is what they want and
don't have. Don't give it away. Be angry.
Mounir F. (Boston):
Dear May
Since I was 5 years old or so, I remember my parents used to make us
stand under the sill (?) of the doors in our home, to avoid any attacks
by the hagana or stern or ... other Jewish terrorist groups, even
before the establishment of Israel! Since then, I lived the Israeli
terror with almost no break. As an educator, I saw it practiced on
children in schools, streets, everywhere. The most accurate
description of Israel is that it is a terrorist state, from the beginning
until now, and will continue to be so as long as it is rewarded for its
crimes. I never referred to anything as evil, but if I were to use this
term, I would use it to describe Israel. I have been so angry and
paralyzed since the last attack. Obviously, there is no quick and
short-cut solution.
But if I am going to think of one, I don't see an alternative to the one
that was suggested soon after the 1967 war: a march of at least a
quarter of a million people into Jerusalem!
My heart and my soul are with you and with all the beautiful people I
know, and all the beautiful people I don't know, over there in
Lebanon. I know exactly how it feels.
Keep up the hope and keep planting seeds for a different world. We
really have no other alternative. Just remember what someone has
said, "We [meaning human beings] are much too clever to survive
without wisdom."

10. 10
Europe has been clever, but not wise. Does this tell us where we
should put our energies in the long-term?
With love and hope
Munir
Nada C. (DC):
Mayyoush,
Your email touched me.
I have been thinking and worrying about you all living without
electricity. It is just cruel.
This brings back memories of ugly days that we all are trying to put
behind us and move on. I know the feeling of powerless and how
horrifying and depressing it is. I can also imagine how people start
looking at the positive side and feel blessed that water is still
running!
I will stop on this note, not because of electricity cut.
LOVE
Nawal N. (Amman):
Dearest May,
I just returned from Petra. Believe me I was thinking of you all
through that time in particular and around it.
I was telling colleagues in the office about Lebanon and how
wonderful it is especially with the presence of a wonderful and great
friend like you that I made them eager to visit (expats) nevertheless

11. 11
they are not allowed. I know words will be meaningless & nonsense
in this regard. But may God be with all of you to protect and provide
you with inner strengths to face what you are going through.
Love - Nawal
Steve H. (Montreal):
I'll be praying for you May, and for Beirut. These are dark times.