Visiting My Lebanon

May Haddad
VISITING MY LEBANON
Beirut: 1985-1999
Lebanon: summer 2006
I remember, Sabra & Shatila 1982
Khiam Diaries 2015

May Haddad
SHORT ESSAYS FROM BEIRUT
Moments to share
West Beirut, August 1985
3 events in 3 days
West Beirut, Sep. 1985
Powerless
Beirut, June 1999

MOMENTS TO SHARE
WEST BEIRUT AUGUST 1985
Moments in Beirut seem to have different values, maybe
because of the uncertainty that surrounds them, which
makes us live them more thoroughly & affectionately.
It was 4:00 pm when someone knocked my door. I knew
the tune, so I didn’t bother to change my clothes.
Najwa! May! It was a reunion after a separation (Najwa
and myself have been separated several times because of
situations related to the war in Lebanon).
We had lots to share: experiences from 4 months in
Beirut, Greece, Syria, Nairobi and Cyprus.
A story from Kenya:
Najwa enjoyed most one of my stories from Kenya: A
visit to the Masai tribe in the middle of the jungle.
1

The Masai, who lost their lands and were prohibited by
law from hunting animals, made traditional dancing
their way of living. At 4:45 pm, the tour bus showed up
unexpectedly and we were asked to board. At 5:00 pm
sharp, we found ourselves in gardens located in bigger
gardens. A huge villa stood in the middle. An English
lady carrying tea and biscuits came out. To our surprise,
it was the 5:00 o’clock English tea time!
We learned later that the English family owned the land,
were shareholders in the tour company and paid a little
of their “proﬁts” to the dancing Masai tribe.
A story from Syria:
I liked Najwa’s story from Syria. “It is an explosion,”
Najwa was sure of the sound. All people around her
denied it and taxi-drivers claimed they never worked
that hour. An official told the story: “Two big explosions
occurred in the city, one directly hitting an army truck
killing and injuring tens of soldiers”. The next day, a
short note appeared in the local newspaper: “A gas
container exploded accidentally and resulted in minimal
damage”.
2

Beirut then:
During the days that we spent together, we enjoyed the
sincere company of beautiful friends: Michael, Maia,
Albert, Youssef, Mohamad, Dalal, Habib, Rolan, Malek,
and Aref.
Often we came back at 1:00 or 2:00 am. No wonder that
they kidnap only Christians at this time of the day, as no
one else wonders around.
Beirut at night is very dark and certainly no one can
complain of a traffic jam. Special treatment is still the
rule in Lebanese restaurants: Service is quick and the
food is always delicious. Often the waiters offer you
roses or free houka!
The sea and the sun are always there: The sea embraces
you with its refreshing nature while the sun ravishes you
with its rays.
Snipers’ bullets sometimes interrupt this romantic
setting. We hide behind what we think is a safe rock and
wait.
3

Sometimes, fear mixes with sarcasm. Four adjacent
streets are described here, events occurring at the same
time:
The ﬁrst was a battle-ﬁeld for opposing militia;
the second was a totally deserted area;
families enjoying an afternoon walk in the third;
the fourth street was very noisy because of the cars
honking as part of a wedding celebration.
We also had crazy moments. Have you ever
tried 104 ways of wearing a kanga? 
4

3 EVENTS IN 3 DAYS:
WEST BEIRUT- SEP. 1985
You think that others are illogical, but is your logic
logical?
What makes logic logical; at times when illogic
dominates?
A search for a logical illogic or an illogical logic that is
illogic…
We learnt that two negatives result in a positive i.e. an
illogical logic that is illogic is quite logical.
I would like to describe 3 situations, maybe my
confusion clariﬁes:
Excited to be in Beirut again, Raja’ leaves the city just
upon arrival! Instead of meeting her friends, she leaves
us a note expressing her deep sorrow and the sudden
feeling of the urge to get out immediately!
5

O my friend, are you “insane” to go so soon, or are we
“insane” to stay?!
Dozens of pieces of evidence were accumulating:
Michael, Maia and Albert were missing!
In our eyes, we saw the fear that we suppress all the
time! We spent hours searching. Fortunately, it was a
happy ending.
However, Maia sharing our undeclared panic, refused to
admit its validity… She blamed us for our worries and
romanticised the situation- after all, who could kidnap
three people together?
The three, incidentally happened to be an American, a
Christian from East Beirut and a priest! But is my
confusion related to being a “Christian”-or am I made to
feel so? I wonder…
Caught in a street ﬁghting on my way to visit my friend
Mohammed- who injured his foot in a very non-
6

traditional way these days “playing tennis”- I became
dominated by this logical illogic feeling.
At his place, Tony and Samia who thought they were to
enjoy the peace of a walk by the sea-side, were seeking
refuge from stray bullets.
The feeling took over! I needed to do something. What?
Yes, leave now! Why not? Where to? My place? Najwa’s?
But logically it was unsafe to go then.
Aref, a few blocks apart phoned. He seems conquered by
a similar feeling though differently. He decided to spend
the night at his office, where he was, though “logically”
it was very safe for him to go out
A family seeked refuge under
Cola bridge, Beirut 1985
7

Powerless
Beirut, June 1999
On June 26 1999, I shared the attached letter as an e-
mail with several friends.
Here is my message and some of the responses:
***
From: May Haddad
Date: June 26, 1999
Subject: Powerless
I wonder if I will be able to ﬁnish this e-mail, not
because I don’t want to, but because electricity may be
cut off any moment. The schedule is 2 hours every 24
hrs and no one knows exactly when.
Madeleine invited me today to lunch. She cooked lots:
chicken and potatoes, green beans, mloukhia and kabab.
Madeleine likes to cook lots, but not this time as she had
to cook all food in the refrigerator otherwise it is wasted
8

like everything that I threw away from my refrigerator
today.
I walked in the streets of Ras Beirut, things looked
somehow normal with the exception of puffy eyes of
almost all because of the lack of sleep the night before.
It was a crazy night with Israeli airplanes roaming and
bombing.
Flashbacks from the war came back: vivid, painful and
depressing.
The feeling of powerless is haunting.
But whatever I describe does not compare to the story
of the firemen who were seen by the Israeli pilot
extinguishing fire at the power station after their first
bombing...The pilot decided to go ahead with the
second round of bombs , not only on the power
station , but on the firemen as well.
4 firemen were killed and several injured.
9

By the time I wrote this e-mail, electricity went off
twice...good score.
This feeling of powerless is horrible.
Responses of friends and siblings
Aida H. (DC):
Ikhti, Khayyi,
I wish I were with you (well, let's not lie too much here),
or you with me (yes, this sounds better)....
Do you want to consider it for a while? Come here and
rest a little... Yes
May, it is humiliating, you do feel powerless, but we are
powerless... so what's the point of suffering?
I saw the pictures of the ﬁremen... I remember, all too
vividly.... how well I remember...
10

Annette and Peter C. (UK):
Dearest May
Following on from our email of yesterday (Sunday) - we
keep on re-reading your email, over and over. So simple,
yet so moving.
If only there was something we could do.....
As we've all said before, the only hope is education for
the next generation, so that they may possibly learn
from the lessons of the past - our and your present.
Thinking of you - and all our other friends in Lebanon.
Love
Danielle M. (Montreal):
Dear May, Thanks for letting me know your story, I
think of you and hope this craziness will be over soon.
I beg you not to put your life at risk. If you need so,
come over here. There will always be room for you.
11

Dan W. (DC):
I did worry. The press reports were minimal but what
there was not good. There was a major story about the
Lebanese ﬁremen...what a tragedy.
Are you OK? How are you feeling? You mentioned the
memories that the bombing brought back--I pray you
will not let it bring you down. I could not begin to
understand what you went through back then, even
though I was there. You have been through a lot--more
than many people
Thinking of you and loving your inner child
Fadia H. (Toronto):
I am truly sorry that you are so devastated by free of
charge Israeli violence, as usual...BELIEVE ME
HABIBTI, I have to ﬁnish writing up one chapter and
can't get myself going AT ALL!!!!
I am living like an automate since Thursday night
because of living these horrors time and again time and
again and time and again...
12

I saw the raids on TV as they were happening I have
satellite TV and I could not live without it, it is my lungs
and my oxygen to survive in Canada...or was it "Karata",
that gadget that helps one to put your shoes on when
they are tight...Canada like Karata helps us to put our
life on as it has become very tight on us.... Sorry "
Nakada" where Nakad is almost intrinsic to our lives , I
mean Canada....
I was not surprised by the raids because I never
expected anything of more humanity or class from a
country of terror, a country which since its existence is
the reason underlying the quintessence of suffering of
my grandfather, father and mother, my generation and
certainly the reason behind my children's generation
suffering. It is the reason why I am an immigrant in
Canada instead of being the granddaughter of an
imminent Jerusalemite man....living happily ever after in
my hometown... Israel is incompatible with a decent life
for any human being not Israeli in the Middle East, or
did you think otherwise???!!!
For the pilot the ﬁremen are but Golems that do not
deserve to live while he is safeguarding the interests of
13

his chosen people, the people of God in his promised
land, for them, the rest is trivial and human lives are but
the fuel for the existence, and continuity of Israel.
When they sequestrated Gaza few years ago where 40%
of productive men made their living as workers in Israel,
they simply imported hand labor from Ceylon and
Philippines in order to punish the Palestinians of
Gaza.... For this state everything is the same, everything
non -Jewish (the only religion in the world where you
cannot convert... you have to be born Jew), so after they
mobilized all the well meaning Jews around the Israeli
state, a state built on falsehood of history and
oppression of people a state of terror WHAT DO YOU
EXPECT?
What do you expect of a lobby which has been
advocating the embargo on Iraq and has been the direct
reason for the death of 1 million Iraqi children since
1990? Netanyahu goes Barak comes, Sharon talks
different players of the same symphony, a symphony of
horror and terror, a symphony of death a state of the
devil that is what Israel is and has always been to me...
14

and nothing is going to change that feeling in my heart
and consciousness even across the exile of Canada...
So take a deep breath and be patient....
because that is the only way to survive Arab state
hypocrisy, "Arab mowaten" endurance and helplessness
and Israeli gifts!
With all my love to you and Madeleine God only knows
how much I am sick from missing you I am cursing my
ambition that made me start my Ph.D or coming to
Canada.
Hani A. (Montreal):
I did not realise that the situation in Lebanon is that
bad. All what we get on the news these days is Kosovo.
My heart goes out to you and to the entire Lebanese
population. I had lived similar situations, to a much
smaller extent, in 1967 & 1973. I guess I will never
understand how people can do that to each other. This
forever war in the Middle East is, may be, my primary
15

reason to appreciate where I am now even if it will never
be like a REAL home.
I guess the worst part is that you will have to eat all of
Madeleine's cooking at once or it will go bad without a
fridge!
Take care of yourself.
Harry L. (Vancouver):
I've been thinking about you and Nabil ever since the
latest insanity in the Middle East. Is he alright? I recall
that he took a job restoring the power system after the
civil war ended. I can only hope that, once Barak
becomes prime minister he and Assad can end this
sordid business. There will be no peace in Lebanon
until the Israelis and the Syrians settle their affairs in the
Golan Heights.
The killing of the ﬁremen was awful. I'll admit, I haven't
been following the Middle East news much, so I did not
hear about it. All I knew was that they were bombing
the power stations and some highways. Destroying
16

infrastructure is bad enough, but to kill ﬁremen is
gratuitously cruel.
The raid appears to have been Netanyahu's last stand. It
is scandalous that an outgoing prime minister would do
something like this just days before leaving office. But
that is Netanyahu for you. Stupid, arrogant, ignorant,
and a poor loser. Ever since he was elected his very
presence has been a provocation.
I wish that, one day, Lebanon can be a normal place for
normal people.
Big hug,
Imad H. (Phoenix):
Dear family members,
Nabil: I bet you those airplanes were nothing like the
day when you and I were home alone and started
hearing the bombs falling closer and closer to the
apartment and suddenly one hit the building and we
found out later that few sharpnels entered into the
17

bathroom. It was good you only took one shower per
week at that time!
I also will never forget when our neighbor (the one that
Ramadan and his son used to beat up) came down the
stairs full of dust after a bomb landed in the room he
was sleeping.
Love
Jane M. (Berkley):
Jane shared my message with several colleagues and
friends:
For those who don't know her, this came from Dr. May
Haddad, a long-time Hesperian consultant and friend.
She works with the Arab Resource Collective who have
adapted and translated almost all our books into Arabic.
Ken H. (NYC):
May, I am relieved to hear that you are well, despite the
idiotic activities of the parties in your part of the world
who insist on making more war. I have been out of
18

touch with the news these past few days while at a
retreat in the lovely city of Ann Arbor, Michigan. But I
know that the Israelis are again bombing civilians and
infrastructure, perhaps taking a page from the recent
American stupidity in Kosovo.
What can I say? I wish there was something I can do to
brighten your life amidst the destruction.
Mishka M. (Beirut):
As long as we record it- as you have- as long as we
remain angry - we are not powerless. They want us to
resign ourselves to our lot. So we have the power of
resignation...or not.
Why should my four-year-old, who was born after the
horror of the war, cover in my bed in fear? Because she
happens to be born Lebanese?! Because a sick bunch of
people 100 kilometers south of here are so deranged that
nothing will make them feel secure. Who feel their
security is contingent upon terrorizing innocent
civilians, upon exterminating them?
19

Fight that feeling of powerlessness, May. Don't give in
to it. Don't resign yourself: that is still your decision.
That is what they want and don't have. Don't give it
away. Be angry.
Mounir F. (Boston):
Dear May
Since I was 5 years old or so, I remember my parents
used to make us stand under the sill (?) of the doors in
our home, to avoid any attacks by the hagana or stern or
... other Jewish terrorist groups, even before the
establishment of Israel! Since then, I lived the Israeli
terror with almost no break. As an educator, I saw it
practiced on children in schools, streets, everywhere.
The most accurate description of Israel is that it is a
terrorist state, from the beginning until now, and will
continue to be so as long as it is rewarded for its crimes.
I never referred to anything as evil, but if I were to use
this term, I would use it to describe Israel. I have been
so angry and paralyzed since the last attack. Obviously,
there is no quick and short-cut solution.
20

But if I am going to think of one, I don't see an
alternative to the one that was suggested soon after the
1967 war: a march of at least a quarter of a million
people into Jerusalem!
My heart and my soul are with you and with all the
beautiful people I know, and all the beautiful people I
don't know, over there in Lebanon. I know exactly how
it feels.
Keep up the hope and keep planting seeds for a different
world. We really have no other alternative. Just
remember what someone has said, "We [meaning
human beings] are much too clever to survive without
wisdom."
Europe has been clever, but not wise. Does this tell us
where we should put our energies in the long-term?
With love and hope
Munir
21

Nada C. (DC):
Mayyoush,
Your email touched me.
I have been thinking and worrying about you all living
without electricity. It is just cruel.
This brings back memories of ugly days that we all are
trying to put behind us and move on. I know the feeling
of powerless and how horrifying and depressing it is. I
can also imagine how people start looking at the
positive side and feel blessed that water is still running!
I will stop on this note, not because of electricity cut.
LOVE
Nawal N. (Amman):
Dearest May,
I just returned from Petra. Believe me I was thinking of
you all through that time in particular and around it.
I was telling colleagues in the office about Lebanon and
how wonderful it is especially with the presence of a
22

wonderful and great friend like you that I made them
eager to visit (expats) nevertheless they are not allowed.
I know words will be meaningless & nonsense in this
regard. But may God be with all of you to protect and
provide you with inner strengths to face what you are
going through.
Love - Nawal
Steve H. (Montreal):
I'll be praying for you May, and for Beirut. These are
dark times.
23

May Haddad
LEBANON, SUMMER 2006
Cry the Beloved Country
Israeli attack on Lebanon,
summer 2006
Turning Relief into Self-Reliance
Albero Guerra e colore rosso

“Cry the Beloved Country”
Israeli’s attack on Lebanon
Summer 2006
By
May Haddad

“CrytheBelovedCountry”
Israeli’sattackonLebanon
Summer2006
Extractsfromane-mailjournal
Lebanon:July12-August14,2006
By May Haddad
Edited Nov. 2015

MyvisittothetownofKhiamandS.LebanonNov.3-62015,motivated
metorevisitandeditmye-mailjournalfromsummer2006.
Withgratitudetoallthefriendswhohelpedmecopeatthetime.
Coverphoto:AtKhiam,Sep.2006

MylifefrozeonJuly122006!
Ilookedatmycalendarforthatweek…
Justridiculous!Nothingworkedasintended!
Iamnotawarvictim,
Ihavenotbeen
Shotat,imprisoned,
Torturedorraped
Iamanordinaryperson,
Whohasbecome
Forever,awitness
Icompiledandreflectedonmysavede-mailmessagesJuly12-August142006,to
helpmeunderstand…

Solidaritye-mailmessages
Palestine:
Ironically,theveryfirstweresolidaritymessagesfromPalestine:
“Ourheartsandminds,andeyesandears,
arealltense,directedtowhatishappening
inLebanon”,Ghassan-Ramallah
“May,myheartgoestoyou,warmhug
andkiss,pleasetakegoodcareofyourself
HASTALAVICTORIASIEMPRE”,
Majeda-KhanYounis
“Iamthinkingofyouandthepeopleof
Lebanon,ourheartswithyou;weareliving
inaveryrepulsiveworld.Iamconfused,
depressedanddeeplydisappointed”,
Umaiyeh-Jerusalem
“Hopeyouaresafe”,Heba-Gaza
Globally:
Otherinboxsoothinge-mailmessagesfromaroundtheworld:
“I'vebeenthinkingaboutyoualot,May,
andsendingpeacefulthoughtsyourway,
love”,Jane-SanFrancisco
“Thinkingofyouamidstthisnewoutrage
andinsanity.Staysafe”,Chris-Oxford
“Pleasebeassuredthatourthoughtsand
bestwishesarewithyouinthesetimes”,
Andreas-Berlin
“SolidarityactsforthePalestinian&
LebanesepeoplefromSalaamtheolivetree
children”,Elena–Trieste

“Iamreallyworriedaboutyou.
Notveryfamiliarwiththelocationsofthe
bombingsbutLebanonissosmall,
everythinglookshellish,”Jamal–
Vancouver
“Thepicturesaresodistressingand
heartbreaking,andit'sunconscionablethat
BushandBlairrefusetobrokeraceasefire.
Areyouokay?Sendingmuchlove”,
Cynthia
“Thinkingaboutyouandhopingyouare
safeamidsttheIsraelimadnessand
destruction.Love”,Nancy-Birmingham
“Whatcouldonepossiblysayinthemidst
ofthisuttermadness?I'mcompletelyata
loss,andstillIwantedtoknowyouarein
mythoughts,May.Takecareofyour
wonder-full,dancing,spiritedself”,Sharry-
Cairo
Somefriendsseemedtobeshouting.HereiswhatHarrywrote:
“May,May,Idohopeyouarenotin
Lebanonrightnow.I'dbehappiestifyou
weresomewherewhereidiotsarenotfiring
gunsanddroppingbombs”,Harry-
Vancouver
Adaylater,hewrote:
“Getthehelloutofthere?I'mafraidthisit
goingtobealotworsethanprevious
catastrophes.Ofcourse,nothingwillbe
solved-onlymorepeoplearegoingtoget
killedandmaimed.Sodothinkofwaiting
itout,ifneedbeinCyprus…”

OthershaddifferentopinionsthanHarry:
“Talkingtoyouandhearing
Jude'svoicemadeitmorepainful...
emotionally...maybefeelingguiltythatI
amnottheretosharethepainwithyou...I
don'tknow...”Aida-WashingtonDC
HanadySalman(Al-Saffirnewspaper-
Beirut)livedwithusthroughher
passionatedailye-maildiaryandimages.
Hermessagesthatstartedjustafterthewar,
endedsoonafterthecease-fire.OnAugust
15,Hanadywrote:
“Thiswillprobablybemylastlettertoyou.
Iwillmissyouall.SomeofyouInevermet,
butIfeelthatyouareallsoclosetome.
Morethanthat,youprobablyalready
knowit—withoutyouIwouldnothave
madeitthroughoutthishell.Youwere
therebymysideandthatmademe
stronger.Everyday,yougavemore
meaningtoallthis—peoples’storieswere
heard,peoples‘sufferingwasshared.This
waswhatIcoulddoformypeople:tell
someoftheirstories.Knowingthatyou
wouldlisten,knowingthatyouwouldcare
madethewholedifference’.
NotethatHanady’se-maildiariesare
postedatherblog:
http://beirutjournal.blogspot.com
Throughsolidaritye-mailmessages,IconnectedtovirtualpeoplewhomIhaveneverknown
ormet.Theybecamefriends.
Chriswithshaw.caaddresswrotebacktomewhenIthankedhimforinitiatingapetitionon
line:“ThankyouMay,it'stheveryleastIcoulddo.Ifeelsohelpless!”

Petitionsandarticles
Petitionsonlinebecameanobsession:
“ThecitizensoftheLebanonneedyourhelp.
TheIsraeligovernmenthaswagedarelentlesswarinLebanon
andiscommittingcrimesagainsthumanityindefianceofinternationallaw.
ManycivilianshavebeenkilledandLebanonisbeing
destroyedsystematicallyundertheeyesofthewholeworld.
Toletthisgoonwouldbeahistoriccrime.
Pleasehelpstopthemassacres.”
IwassigningalltherelevantpetitionsthatIfoundonline,suchas:
o ThecitizensoftheLebanonneedyourhelp:PetitiontoUSGovernment
http://www.petitiononline.com/50600/petition-sign.html?
o SavetheLebaneseCiviliansPetition:http://julywar.epetitions.net
o JusticeforLebanonPetitiontoUN,UNSecurityCouncil,EUandInternational
NGOsworkingintheHumanRightsandPeacefield
http://www.petitiononline.com/Jul06Leb/petition.html
o AcademicsagainstIsraeliAggressiononLebanonandGaza
http://www.PetitionOnline.com/caracas/

Myeffortsatdisseminatingthepetitionsonlinetoallmycontacts,networks&groupswere
rewarding:
“May,hopeyouarefine-alotonmylist
havesignedthepetitions-thatisreassuring
-althoughwhatIseeonTVishorrific.Be
well”,Yasmeen-NewDelhi
“OfcourseIsigned,naturally.Butdear
MayhowareU.Itmustbehardnow
historyisrepeatingagain”,Ruud-
Amsterdam
SoonIexpandedtoinclude:
o Sites&blogssuchas:www.ElectronicLebanon.net,
http://sanayehreliefcenter.blogspot.com/http://lebanonupdates.blogspot.com/etc.,
o Imagessuchasbeirutjuly2006.assafir@gmail.com,www.fromisraeltolebanon.org,
o Appeals,pressrelease,Culturalstatements,suchasRogerAssaf’s: Nousallonsbien,et
vous?Articles&links,Callsforactionincludingvigils&protestsaroundtheworld.
IndeedIwasscreamingloudly:
StopWaronLebanonNOW!
Everyday,Iwascommunicatingbye-mailforlonghours.
IwasuncertainthatIcouldcontinuetodosoasIwasconcernedthatthephonelineswould
becutoffanymomentandwewouldlooseinternetconnections(aswashappeningwith
electricitycutoff).

E-mailswerealsoavenueforcirculatingarticles.Hereareselectedtitles:
o TheWestmustrecognizethatIsrael'sagendaisinconflictwithitsown
o Lebanon:theworldlookson
o WhyIsIsraelDestroyingLebanon?
o ClusterbombingofLebanon'immoral'UNofficialtellsIsraeletc.…
Humor
E-mailmessageswerealsohumorous;herearetwoexamplesfrommye-diaries:
OnJuly19,Ie-mailedmyfriendHossein,whomIwastopickupfromBeirutairport:“Iguess
thatitisobviousIwillnotpickuupfromtheairportat6pmtoday,becauseuwillnotbeinthe
flight,theflighthasbeencancelled&theairportisclosed….Whatasituation!”
Nabil,mybrothere-mailedImadonJuly17whowasthinkingofusduringhisvacationin
CostaRica:“Imad,ifthesuninCostaRicaisnothotenough,considerLebanon,ITISHOT
thissummer”.

Juliano
JulianowasonenewvirtualfriendImetthroughe-mail.
Iwrotethen:
“Juliano.Ihavenoideaifyouwereamanorwoman,olderagegroup
oryounger;yourmessagestouchmyheart.Ifindthemsensitive,genuine
andoftenyousaywhatIwanttosay...Iknowforcertain,youareA
FRIEND-insolidarity”
SoonIrealizedthatIwascommunicatingwithJulianoMer-Khamis
himself, thefreedomfighterinIsrael/Palestine.Julianowasapeaceactivist
andtheateractor/directorlivingmostlyintherefugeecampofJenin,where
heestablishedthe“FreedomTheater”http://www.thefreedomtheatre.org/
OnJuly26,Julianowrotetome:
“WhilewholefamiliesarebeingwipedoutinLebanonasmallgirl,five
yearsoldandaninemontholdbabywerekilledinGazatoday.Who
saysIsraelisnotfacingacruelenemy?”

Aida
Onthesameday,AidacommentedonJuliano’smessage:
“Actuallytheyarecruel...theirfaceswillhaunttheirkillerseverymoment,
hour,andeverysingledayfortherestoftheirlives...”
E-mailmessageswithAidahelpedmereflect…
OnJuly24,IrespondedtoAida’stitleof“CrytheBelovedCountry”thatshe
usedtodescribethesituation.MytitlewasThisCursedRegion:
“Thiscursedregion...isitreallybeloved?
Ialwayswantedthekhalehiyee(gulf)touristtobeaway,theyare....
Ihateduglyconcretebuildings;manyhavebeendemolished(one
with23tonsofexplosives,howmanytonsdoyouneedtodestroya
building?)...
Idislikedhighways,alwaysromanticizedaboutoldroads,nowboth
arenotfunctional.

Ihatedtrafficjam,wellnoneexiststhesedays...
Ialwayswantedequityandthatthepoorcanaccessplacesinthe
growingrichRasBeirutarea,nowRasBeirut'spopulationhas
changedagain...
BUT,Ineverwishedthislevelofdestruction,killings,suffering...
However,IalsofeelthepainofpeoplelivinginNorthPalestine/
Israel...
Itseemsasifweareinasituationwhereallfeelsterriblysqueezed.
Mostlikely,thisnightmareisending,onlytostartanewoneofa
differentnature”
Aidaresponded:
“Readthisseveraltimes...
Ameaningbeyondthemeaning...

Encompassingsomanyfeelings
Thatareconflicting,diverse,
Butsurprisinglyone...
Thatofpain...yourpain...
Anybody’spain...regardless
Beyondborders...
Beyondunderstanding...
Ichooseanotherbookastitlethen,
"OfHumanBondage"...
SomehowIcannotthinkformyself...
Titlescomeinhandy.

Sonia
SolidaritywithLebaneseandPalestinianpeople:
StoptheBrutality
ThiswasthesloganthatSoniadevelopedandprintedonT-shirtsandpins.
FriendsacrosstheworldimmediatelytranslatedtheslogansintoGerman,Dutch,
Italian,Mandarin,andFrenchetc.Herearetwoselectionsfromthetranslations:
SolidarietaetmitdenLibanesenundPaelestinensern:
StopdieGewalt
SolidarietàconilPopoloLibaneseePalestinese:
FermalaViolenza

“Of Human Bondage”
Responses of friends - By 18 11 15
This is important work, May. Our
attention span is so brief these days --
with 24-hour news cycles, FB and Twitter
-- what happened in 2006 (and 2014, and
1948 and, and) mustn't be forgotten. love-
Norbert- London
You are so attuned to circumstances,
I love to see your impressions, insights…
Thanks for sharing and just being you.
Alia- Washington DC
Your photo expresses signs of
helplessness, despair, loss, beyond
words, making sense, trying to accept,
finding peace, staying strong, waiting…
in the midst of madness... evil, love
survives, and love endures. And your
collection of the messages is hope-
filled… …
Nancy- Vancouver
Dear May, it is awful to realise that such a
beautiful country and all the people, in
your homeland, must suffer, for so many
decades. I think a lot about U and the
people in Lebanon. In my heart I dream
that you will live in peace once. And I
believe that dreams come true. With love.
Ruud- Amsterdam
While reading your thoughts Dr May, I
can hear the helicopters roaming the sky
of Jerusalem…Same oppressors
Amirah- Jerusalem
‫تشوام‬ ‫تشوام‬ ‫شكرااااااااااااا‬
،‫+م‬+++‫ل‬‫+عا‬+++‫ل‬‫وا‬ ‫+طني‬+++‫س‬‫فل‬ ‫+ن‬+++‫م‬ ‫+ك‬+++‫ل‬ ‫+بة‬+++‫ح‬‫اال‬ ‫+ل‬+++‫ئ‬‫+ا‬+++‫س‬‫ر‬ ‫+رأ‬+++‫ق‬‫أ‬ ‫+دأت‬+++‫ب‬
‫+رب‬++‫ح‬‫ال‬ ‫+لك‬++‫ت‬ ‫+ن‬++‫ع‬ ‫+ك‬++‫م‬‫+ال‬++‫ك‬ ‫+ن‬++‫م‬ ‫+د‬++‫ي‬‫+ز‬++‫مل‬‫ا‬ ‫+رأ‬++‫ق‬‫ال‬ ‫+ود‬++‫ع‬‫+ا‬++‫س‬ ‫+يد‬++‫ك‬‫وا‬
‫+نفس‬+++‫ب‬ ‫+كن‬+++‫ل‬ ،‫+ما‬+++‫ب‬‫ر‬ ‫+قيض‬+++‫ن‬ ‫+ي‬+++‫ف‬‫+ر‬+++‫ط‬ ‫+ن‬+++‫م‬ ‫+ا‬+++‫ه‬‫+شنا‬+++‫ع‬ ‫+تي‬+++‫ل‬‫ا‬
. ‫محبتي‬ ،‫الحروب‬ ‫هوالت‬ ‫من‬ ‫والخوف‬ ‫الرعب‬
‫+ن‬+‫ع‬ ‫+ك‬+‫م‬‫+ال‬+‫ك‬ ‫+ي‬+‫م‬ .‫+ميلة‬+‫ج‬‫ال‬ ‫+ك‬+‫ت‬‫+عاد‬+‫ك‬ ‫+ع‬+‫ئ‬‫را‬ ‫+ن‬+‫م‬ ‫+ثر‬+‫ك‬‫ا‬ ‫+مل‬+‫ع‬
‫+لك‬+++‫ت‬ ‫+ن‬+++‫م‬ ‫+ي‬+++‫ت‬‫+ا‬+++‫ي‬‫+ر‬+++‫ك‬‫ذ‬ ‫+ة‬+++‫ب‬‫+كتا‬+++‫ب‬ ‫+دأ‬+++‫ب‬‫إ‬ ‫+جعني‬+++‫ش‬ ‫+وع‬+++‫ض‬‫+و‬+++‫مل‬‫+ا‬+++‫ه‬
2006 ‫صيف‬ ‫حيفا‬ ‫من‬ ‫الصعبة‬ ‫الحرب‬
Denise- Haifa
Hello, May, Your feelings shine through
your memories - and all I can hope for is
an end to these mindless tragedies.
Yasmeen- New Delhi

Gesundheit Berlin (Hrsg.): Dokumentation 12. bundesweiter Kongress Armut und Gesundheit, Berlin 2007
Seite 1 von 6
May Haddad
Turning relief into self reliance?
Tribute
To people living in Lebanon for the resilience, dignity and solidarity that they have mani-
fested during the latest Israeli war on Lebanon, July 12-Aug. 14, 2006
War on Lebanon
July 12 marks the beginning of unacceptable, extremely brutal & violent 5 weeks1
: One mil-
lion people (almost one third the population) flee their homes2
, 1184 civilians are killed &
4059 are injured3
, many children are among the victims4
, tens of massacres are reported5
,
tens of thousands homes are destroyed & damaged, 73 bridges are bombed all across the
country, tens of fuel stations are burnt, & a major breakdown occurs in the public health
infrastructure including water & sewage, power supply & generators etc. More than one
quarter of the health facilities are badly damaged & dysfunctional6
; two hospitals are de-
stroyed as well as hundreds of schools. Oil spill on more that 150 km of shore, damage not
limited to Lebanon but threatens all Mediterranean Sea. Gigantic mine fields are created with
over one million unexploded cluster bombs7
…
People living in Lebanon demonstrate solidarity & spontaneous support to each other despite
their religious, political & class differences: 735,000 people find refuge with families, schools,
and centers located in relatively safer areas in Lebanon8
. Almost everybody offers help within
1
During the campaign, Israel's Air Force flew more than 12,000 combat missions. The Navy fired
2,500 shells, and the Army fired over 100,000 shells [43]
, destroying large parts of the Lebanese
civilian infrastructure. 400 miles of roads, 73 bridges and 31 targets such as Beirut International
Airport, ports, water and sewage treatment plants, electrical facilities, 25 fuel stations, 900
commercial structures, up to 350 schools and two hospitals were destroyed, as well as some 15,000
homes. Some 130,000 more homes were damaged, Wikipedia
2
According to High Relief Commission about 130,000 people found shelter in about 760 schools, more
than half a million found shelter with families, friends, churches, mosques, etc and about 270,000 fled
Lebanon to neighboring countries (mainly Syria).
3
GOL & Higher Relief Council, Aug. 24, 2006
4
As one example, 28 of the new Qana massacre (July 30) are children
5
Many massacres happened when Israeli planes bombed people who are fleeing their homes, in-
cludes caravans that The Israeli themselves have authorized
6
WHO, Oct. 11, 2006
7
The most disturbing act was that 90% of these bombs were dropped in the last 72-hours of the
conflict when it was clear that a cease-fire was eminent (UN report)
8
230,000 person fled to neighboring countries

May Haddad: Turning relief into self reliance?
Seite 2 von 6
his/her capacities9
. Civil society, NGOs & humanitarian agencies form platforms & coalitions
to complement each other & meet basic survival needs10
.
Lebanon witnessed a humanitarian shortcoming with departure of senior UN staff from Le-
banon & delay in emergency response (The UN response comes after two weeks of crisis
initiation). It is to note that international relief agencies (who are new to Lebanon), para-
chute into the country with different agendas without proper consultation/ coordination with
local counterparts.
My life froze…
My life froze on July 12; all activities that I have planned become irrelevant…
I am devastated with the killing, massacres, bombing & massive destruction happening. Ad-
ditionally, I fear other unseen bombs that can be masked under Relief.
Despite the need for relief, we have not been prepared for such emergency nor have we
mechanisms to coordinate the efforts of the different stakeholders. Lebanon does not have
national policies, protocols nor plans for emergency operation despite the fact that this has
not been the first catastrophe of the kind.
This implies that relief can be chaotic, unplanned & haphazard. People in charge can inflict
harm despite good intentions…
Indeed, my fear proves real…
To date, the Ministry of Environment is still unable to disperse tons of expired medicines that
have been dumped into Lebanon.
Pharmaceutical dependency is a known issue in Lebanon with over-prescription by physicians
& demand by clients. The magnitude of the issue has most likely worsened during the war in
Lebanon with the irresponsible availability of the Relief medicines & the desired demand of
clients to store more & more quantities fearing of shortages. Unfortunately, the risk & dam-
age inflicted by the pharmaceuticals that have been widely distributed is been assessed (to
note that many of these drugs lacked instructions; & when present have been in languages
that very few can read11
).
9
People would draw sign maps next to bombarded bridges to show people fleeing their towns rela-
tively safe roads, artists & educators organize workshops & sessions with children of displaced fami-
lies, people donate clothes, food to other etc.
10
Such as Samedoun, NGO platform of Saida, Civil Campaign for Relief, the Collective of NGOs in
Lebanon etc.
11
I have seen many pharmaceuticals with instructions that are unreadable to many including Italian,
Spanish & Greek. Additionally, many drugs lacked instruction papers

Seite 3 von 6
Additionally tobacco & cigarettes donations have been included in the relief items. The mag-
nitude of the issue is under study12
.
Promoting & disseminating infant milk formulas goes on unchecked for weeks after the initia-
tion of the crisis without noting its’ hazardous impact on breastfeeding; it is to be noted that
multi-national milk companies hook mothers to using infant formula during its’ distribution
through relief 13
. Aid workers immediately handle the formula to the displaced mother who
thinks that her milk has turned bad because of the war & related tension or has experienced
a decrease in its’ flow; without counseling or advise that the mother can & should continue
giving her child the best, her own milk14
. Mass distribution of infant formula has been re-
ported15
. Sarcastically, the GOL & respective UN agencies succeeded in issuing a joint state-
ment in mid. Oct. after the damage has been incurred…
Relief agencies can create dependencies. Families, who initially have been reluctant to re-
ceive aid, request it as a right over time.
Turning relief into self reliance?
Minimizing the potential long term damage of relief & maximizing its’ short term benefits has
been an issue to many of us involved in community health actions during the war in Leba-
non.
With the delay in action (or its’ absence at a policy level), many of us developed strategies
that are people centered…
Here is a synopsis from one experience16
:
12
Researchers from Public Health Department at AUB have recently paid attention to the issue
13
The consequences of these in decreasing breastfeeding together with the low availability of clean
water contribute to increased incidence of diarrhea
14
Many organizations were reported to be involved in infant formula distribution to all mothers under
their catchment’s area. The magnitude of this distribution is not fully clear, although HRC was one of
the main agencies involved in this, and the consequences of such activity is not clear. Such practice,
in addition to the stress caused by the war, may have affected infant feeding practices. Thus, the
incidences of breastfeeding may have decreased and the low availability of clean water may have
contributed to an increase in the incidence of diarrhea, UNICEF report, Distribution of infant formula
during the Lebanon Crisis, 2006
15
UNICEF report, Distribution of infant formula during the Lebanon Crisis, 2006
16
Emergency response: Mother & Child Health, implemented by ANERA in partnership with IRAP,
Najdeh, Palestinian Women Humanitarian Organization, Amel, Jaber, & LFPA, July-Oct. 06. This inter-
vention succeeded in reaching out to over 15000 mothers & their young children through dissemina-
tion of under three kits & mothers kits & providing educational sessions whereby mothers learn practi-
cal skills such as home based oral rehydration mix & other.

Seite 4 von 6
It is becoming obvious to us: The scale of the crisis is incredibly huge; most of the agencies
adopt traditional approach in distributing food items & non-food items; with minimal atten-
tion to the inherent resources of people themselves. “We do it for them…when we can… and
with what we have” has been a mainstream approach in relief delivery.
We decide to pay attention on the needs of mothers, infant & young children as we know of
their vulnerability & that other are not paying attention. We also decide to build on the as-
sets & to enhance partnership with mothers themselves.
We challenge Relief as an opportunity to build the capacity of relief /community workers to
understand better the health issues & develop skills of community health activists…
We challenge Relief as a time to reach mothers with doable actions that they can do to pro-
tect/promote health.
We challenge Relief by creating opportunities for change within structures, attitudes & prac-
tices.
Providing commodities that are useful, safe & culturally sensitive & that mothers & young
children need has not been a straight-forward task. It means that we need to continuously
reflect on our actions, examine the truth of our criteria & modify17
. It also implies that we
need to undo the damage of multinational companies & the impact of media in promoting
expensive & un-essential commodities & brand names. We discover in the process that
community workers themselves are un-sensitized & that there is a need to develop with
them critical thinking that helps them examine the impact of every relief commodity on
mothers & children. In addition to carry on the same process with mothers themselves…
We also discover in the way, that relief can be an experience that helps us realize real
needs; & that we can succeed in transforming relief into development, by simply paying at-
tention to what we do & how we do it.
We also realize that with minimal capacity building efforts, we can succeed in empowering
community workers & mothers. We note that interactive, participatory & hands on learning
process is effective in enhancing our capacities as community health activists & that of
mothers.
We are to examine our working principles that guide our work.
We list: cooperation, partnerships, building on assets, reflect & improve sensitivity to values
& traditions, hope, seeking better life, caring, love & respect.
17
As an example, when we have decided to include thermometers in the under three kits based on
feedback that mothers provided, we have been faced by new dilemmas; the available mercury ther-
mometer in the market can be unsafe to distribute & we are better off replacing them with digital
thermometers that proved to be non-existent i in the market.

Seite 5 von 6
The following are actions that help us maintain achievements18
:
We are to establish platforms for continued communications, networking, sharing & learning
new skills among each other in a similar spirit to this experience
Developing & disseminating a production on our experience in learning helps us refresh our
information, adapt/apply contents to our community actions & provides a reference to help
other peers learn
We are to continue supporting mothers & children through many interactive approaches
We have developed best practice list of doable actions that mothers can do. We can use
such lists to plan our activities/interventions
We are to continue recruiting youth (both male & female) & volunteers (include moth-
ers/housewives themselves) in community actions & enforce their vital role in wider cover-
age & outreach
We are to integrate children in our community actions both as activists and as beneficiaries.
Doctors & nurses are to be addressed with an update of scientific health information particu
larly in infant nutrition & breastfeeding
Delivery/Birth facilities are to be updated with best practices to support breastfeeding.
All primary health care clinics within the reach of our structures are to be encouraged to ad-
vocate best practices that mothers can do & create supportive environments to promote
breastfeeding
We need to actively work in identifying/researching inexpensive /affordable /useful alterna-
tives to medicine, processed & canned food, infant food etc.
We are to explore creative approaches in our work, we can organize festive activities such as
health festivals/campaigns & present skills through entertaining & engaging skits, theater &
games. We can also utilize special events/dates to conduct entertainment education happen-
ings etc.
Developing/disseminating appropriate publications targeting mothers & community members
& engaging mothers themselves in developing learning materials are useful approaches.
18
Summary of Reflect & Improve Process that engaged over 150 decision maker & community work-
ers from 7 partner NGOs working in emergency mother & child health intervention during the crisis in
Lebanon (paper by May Haddad, Putting the element together, Towards Effective Actions in Commu-
nity Health, Nov. 06)

Seite 6 von 6
NGOs are called upon to enhance cooperation among each other towards better health,
wider coverage & better outreach
We are to enhance networking among each other & among local groups & communities.
And finally, to conclude; as one community worker said:
‫ه‬ ‫ك‬ ‫ي‬ ‫إ‬‫ه‬ ‫ك‬ ‫ي‬ ‫إ‬......‫ﻥ‬ ‫و‬ ‫آ‬ ‫ﺡ‬ ‫ون‬ ‫ا‬‫ﻥ‬ ‫و‬ ‫آ‬ ‫ﺡ‬ ‫ون‬ ‫ا‬
......
Haddad, May
People’s Health Movement Libanon
Kontakt:
Mail: may_haddad@hotmail.com

Albero, Guerra e Colore Roso
Mixed media
By May Haddad
2006

I remember
Sabra and Shatila
By Dr May Haddad
Sep. 2013

The first week
After Sabra-Shatila Massacre
Sep. 1982
A memory of a scene
Toys scattered
in the camp's streets,
No child will pick them up

A second scene
She asked me
to ask the Italian soldier
To stand just by her door
Note: the soldier was
standing less than 10 meters
away from her

Third scene
Photo of an axe
that was used
during the massacre
From Dr. Mohamed al-Khatib collection
The Museum of Memories- Shatila camp

Khiam-S. Lebanon Diaries
By May Haddad
The images are about:
Red roses’ struggle
with blue garbage bags
Concrete construction replacing
the houses shelled in summer 2006
Syrian refugees in tents,
here and there
Sufferings at Khiam prison during
the Israeli occupation 1978-2000

May Haddad
Red rose and garbage bag
Khiam, November 2015
Water colors
30 x 21 cm

May Haddad
Construction
Water colors
30 x 21 cm

May Haddad
Khiam prison
Water colors
30 x 21 cm

Visiting My Lebanon

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