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Ten basic principles of good parenting


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Ten basic principles of good parenting

  1. 1. Ten Basic Principles of Good ParentingThere Is A Science To Raising ChildrenAre you constantly searching the latest on parenting to make sure you are doing everything exactly right? Its timeto relax. Temple University psychologist, Laurence Steinberg, says that perfect parents just don’t exist.“Most parents are pretty good parents,” says Steinberg, “But I’ve never met a parent who is perfect 100 percent ofthe time. We all can improve our batting average.”Sports analogies are useful to Steinberg, the concept of the book came from his own desire to improve his golfgame. “I was reading, probably for the 10th time, Harvey Penick’s Little Red Golf Book,” he says. “It is built arounda series of very short essays that cover very basic principles.“As I was reading it, I was thinking that this might be a good way to teach people how to be better parents.”Steinberg, the Distinguished University Professor and the Laura Carnell Professor of Psychology at Temple, wrotethe newly released The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting (Simon & Schuster). This easy to follow how-tobook uses the formula that works for golf to improve parenting. He believes it is the perfect format for todays busyparents.Here is a quick overview of the Ten Basic Principles:1. What you do matters.“Tell yourself that every day. How you treat and respond to your child should come from a knowledgeable,deliberate sense of what you want to accomplish. Always ask yourself: What effect will my decision have on mychild?”2. You cannot be too loving.“When it comes to genuine expressions of warmth and affection, you cannot love your child too much. It is simplynot possible to spoil a child with love. What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result ofshowing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love—things likeleniency, lowered expectations or material possessions.”3. Be involved in your child’s life."Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities.It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs you to do. Be there mentally as wellas physically.”4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child.“Make sure your parenting keeps pace with your child’s development. You may wish you could slow down orfreeze-frame your child’s life, but this is the last thing he wants. You may be fighting getting older, but all he wantsis to grow up. The same drive for independence that is making your three-year-old say ‘no’ all the time is what’smotivating him to be toilet trained. The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious andinquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table.”5. Establish and set rules.“If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to managehimself when he is older and you aren’t around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answerthese three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child haslearned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.”6. Foster your child’s independence.“Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop asense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she’s going to need both. Accepting that it is normal for children topush for autonomy is absolutely key to effective parenting. Many parents mistakenly equate their child’sindependence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of humannature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.”7. Be consistent.“If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion, or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’smisbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.”8. Avoid harsh discipline.“Of all the forms of punishment that parents use, the one with the worst side effects is physical punishment.Children who are spanked, hit or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children. They are more likely to bebullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others.”
  2. 2. 9. Explain your rules and decisions.“Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to. Generally, parents overexplain to youngchildren and underexplain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn’thave the priorities, judgment or experience that you have.”10. Treat your child with respect.“The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully. You should give your child thesame courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when heis speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children treat others the way their parentstreat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationships with others.”There is no guarantee that following these guidelines will result in perfect parents... remember, there is no suchthing!“Raising children is not something we think of as especially scientific,” says Steinberg. “But parenting is one of themost well-researched areas in the entire field of social science. It has been studied for 75 years, and the findingshave remained remarkably consistent over time."“The advice in the book is based on what scientists who study parenting have learned from decades of systematicresearch involving hundreds of thousands of families. What I’ve done is to synthesize and communicate what theexperts have learned in a language that non-experts can understand.”Good parenting, says Steinberg, is “parenting that fosters psychological adjustment—elements like honesty,empathy, self-reliance, kindness, cooperation, self-control and cheerfulness.“Good parenting is parenting that helps children succeed in school,” he continues. “It promotes the development ofintellectual curiosity, motivation to learn and desire to achieve. It deters children from anti-social behavior,delinquency, and drug and alcohol use. And good parenting is parenting that helps protect children against thedevelopment of anxiety, depression, eating disorders and other types of psychological distress.”“There is no more important job in any society than raising children, and there is no more important influence onhow children develop than their parents.”Steinbergs other books include You and Your Adolescent: A Parent’s Guide for Ages 10 to 20 (HarperCollins,1997), Crossing Paths: How Your Child’s Adolescence Triggers Your Own Crisis (Simon & Schuster, 1994), andBeyond the Classroom: Why School Reform Has Failed and What Parents Need to Do (Simon & Schuster, 1996).
  3. 3. Find Your Style Of ParentingThere are many ideas about how to rear children. Some parents adopt the ideas their own parents used.Others get advice from friends. Some read books about parenting. Others take classes offered in thecommunity. No one has all the answers. However, psychologists and other social scientists now knowwhat parenting practices are most effective and are more likely to lead to positive outcomes for children.Ideas about child rearing can be grouped into three styles. These are different ways of deciding who isresponsible for what in a family.AuthoritarianAuthoritarian parents always try to be in control and exert their control on the children. These parents setstrict rules to try to keep order, and they usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection.They attempt to set strict standards of conduct and are usually very critical of children for not meetingthose standards. They tell children what to do, they try to make them obey and they usually do not providechildren with choices or options.Authoritarian parents dont explain why they want their children to do things. If a child questions a rule orcommand, the parent might answer, "Because I said so." Parents tend to focus on bad behavior, ratherthan positive behavior, and children are scolded or punished, often harshly, for not following the rules.Children with authoritarian parents usually do not learn to think for themselves and understand why theparent is requiring certain behaviors.PermissivePermissive parents give up most control to their children. Parents make few, if any, rules, and the rulesthat they make are usually not consistently enforced. They dont want to be tied down to routines. Theywant their children to feel free. They do not set clear boundaries or expectations for their childrensbehavior and tend to accept in a warm and loving way, however the child behaves.Permissive parents give children as many choices as possible, even when the child is not capable ofmaking good choices. They tend to accept a childs behavior, good or bad, and make no comment aboutwhether it is beneficial or not. They may feel unable to change misbehavior, or they choose not to getinvolved.Democratic Or AuthoritativeDemocratic parents help children learn to be responsible for themselves and to think about theconsequences of their behavior. Parents do this by providing clear, reasonable expectations for theirchildren and explanations for why they expect their children to behave in a particular manner. Theymonitor their childrens behavior to make sure that they follow through on rules and expectations. They dothis in a warm and loving manner. They often, "try to catch their children being good" and reinforcing thegood behavior, rather than focusing on the bad.For example, a child who leaves her toys on a staircase may be told not to do this because, "Someonecould trip on them and get hurt and the toy might be damaged." As children mature, parents involvechildren in making rules and doing chores: "Who will mop the kitchen floor, and who will carry out thetrash?"Parents who have a democratic style give choices based on a childs ability. For a toddler, the choice maybe "red shirt or striped shirt?" For an older child, the choice might be "apple, orange or banana?" Parentsguide childrens behavior by teaching, not punishing. "You threw your truck at Mindy. That hurt her.Were putting your truck away until you can play with it safely."Which Is Your Style?Maybe you are somewhere in between. Think about what you want your children to learn. Research on childrensdevelopment shows that the most positive outcomes for children occur when parents use democratic styles.Children with permissive parents tend to be aggressive and act out, while children with authoritarian parents tend tobe compliant and submissive and have low self-esteem. No parenting style will work unless you build a lovingbond with your child. These tips were reproduced from the U.S. Department of Education.
  4. 4. What is Perfect Parenting?What is perfect parenting? Perfect parenting is parenting with a plan. It is based on action, rather than reaction.Knowledge, rather than chance. Thoughtfulness, rather than anger. Common sense, rather than nonsense. Just aslabeling one the "perfect marriage" doesnt mean that both partners are perfect human beings, Perfect Parentingdoesnt imply that a parent can, or should even strive to, be "perfect." Perfect Parenting is a process wherebyparents, in all their human flaws and weaknesses, do their personal best to raise capable, responsible, happychildren. This book is a dictionary of ideas. It is meant to inspire you to find the right answers for the manydiscipline and behavior issues that arise in your family. It presents you with options and methods that can help yoube thoughtful in your approach to raising your children. Read this first! Raising children is a complicated job. Thereare times when every parent and caregiver can use some help and a few fresh ideas. This is a book packed withideas. It will help you get through the day-to-day issues you face with your children. What youll find here arepractical, common sense solutions that will make your life easier. You should be able to find ideas here for justabout any problem or issue you are currently dealing with. Every child is different, and every parent is different.Because of this, there are no cookie-cutter solutions that will work for everyone. I suggest that you review all thesolutions and take a few quiet minutes to think about them. Modify the suggestions to best suit your family, anddont be afraid to try out more than one until you discover your best answer. Keep in mind that following a fewimportant rules will make every situation with your child easier to handle, regardless of which solution you chooseto implement. I call these The Perfect Parenting Keys.Key #1: Take charge. If your child doesnt clearly understand that YOU are the boss, even minor issues can causeyou major headaches. Your first response to this statement may be, "Oh, but my children know whos the boss inour house." You may think they do, but there are many ways we give mixed messages and confuse our kids overthis issue. The keys presented here will help you identify the areas where you can make some changes. The firststep to taking charge is simply to give yourself permission to be in charge, and begin expecting your children toobey you. With this solid foundation you will build a loving, trusting relationship with your children. And, perhapseven more important, you will be able to lead your children into adulthood with values, wisdom and life skills thatonly a strong, supportive parent can impart.Key #2: Tell, dont ask. One popular mistake parents make is asking instead of telling. The way you phrase yourwords determines whether your children see your request as optional or required. Banish all wishy-washy phrasesfrom your vocabulary.When you want your child to do something (or stop doing something) make a clear, specific statement that leavesno room for confusion. Take a look at the difference between these two types of requests:1) OPTIONAL2) REQUIRED1) It would be nice if somebody cleaned.2) Steven, please put all the toys up in this family room and back in the playroom. Kyle, please gather the dishesand put them in the dishwasher.1) Kids, dont you think its time to get ready for bed?2) Its eight oclock. Time to shut off the TV and put on your pajamas.1) I sure wish youd get down from there. Thats not a place to climb.2) Please get down.1) Gather up your stuff now, okay?2) Please get your backpack, jacket and shoes.Key #3: When you say it, mean it. The first time. Some parents are in the habit of repeating a request over and overand over (and over!) before taking any action to see that a child complies with the request. Do you know anyonelike this? (Perhaps intimately?) Children have radar that tells them exactly when adults really mean what they say,and when they dont. Some parents really mean it only after repeatedly ignored requests. This is usually highlightedby a red face, a tense body, a childs middle name clenched between gnashing teeth, and a fist pounding the table tothe tune of, "...and I mean it young man!" Make yourself a promise to mean what you say - the first time you say it.What this means is that after youve made a clear statement of what is required (see Key #2) you take action. Forexample, if you call your child in from the yard and he doesnt immediately respond you will have to put forth theextra effort to go out to the yard, take him by the hand and announce, "When I call you I expect you to come." Thebeauty of this style is that you only have to "prove" yourself once or twice for your child to understand that, indeed,when you say it you mean it. The first time. (For those with older children who have already learned that they canignore you the first few times with no repercussions, it may take more "proving" before they believe that you have
  5. 5. really changed. Your children can learn to believe that when you say it you mean it. Hang in there. Be consistent.Its definitely worth the effort.)Key #4: Be brief and specific. There is a disease that is rampant among parents. Its called lecture-babble-itis. Themost obvious symptom is an emotional run-on sentence that goes on forever, punctuated by highlights of previousaward wining monologues. As an example, you send your children upstairs with a polite request to get ready forbed. Half an hour later you discover that theyre having a pillow fight. The parent infected with lecture-babble-itissays, "I sent you kids up here thirty minutes ago to get ready for bed and nobodys even STARTING to get readyand its after eight oclock and its a school night and WHY do we have to go through this EVERY single nightcouldnt you just ONCE get ready for bed without my getting angry about it and why is this room such a MESSagain cant you ever ....." (Is it any wonder why kids roll their eyes?) There is a cure for this dreaded disease. Itinvolves making an effort to talk less, but say more. In other words, be very specific in your description, but use asfew words as necessary. Even when the kids have ignored the first polite request, the above disastrous speech canbe transformed into something like this, "Kids, its eight thirty. Pajamas. Now." As you can see, this statement isclear and short. It is easy to understand. The advantages of using this technique are twofold. Your kids willcooperate more frequently with a brief, specific statement than they will with a lengthy tirade. And, its fun andeasy for you to do this!Key #5: Dont give in to nagging, whining and pressure. Many parents start out on the right track, but are derailedby an incredibly persistent child. It seems that when children couple their youthful energy with an extraordinaryability to pinpoint their parents weak spots, the result is disaster. If youre doing your job as a parent there are manytimes when your decisions wont be popular with your kids. When your child is nagging, whining and pleading withyou, its a sure sign that youve made the right decision. Its also a sign that you need to disengage from youryoungster and teach him that you wont be swayed by his persistence. Your most important goal as a parent is NOTto make your children happy on a short-term basis. Its to raise capable, responsible human beings. There are manytimes when your children will be unhappy with your decisions. Usually, this means youve made the right decision!We have an incredible amount of information and knowledge at our fingertips, more than any other generation ofparents in our history. Take advantage of this information. Read. Think. And be confident in your actions.Key #6: Give choices, ask questions. A primary goal of all children is to become independent. Instead of fightingagainst this very natural process, a wise parent will use it to his advantage. As an example, lets look at the verycommon problem of a childs messy bedroom. A parent can rightly expect that a childs room be neat and clean. Atypical mistake is for the parent to demand that the child clean it - on the parents time schedule, and to the parentsexact specifications.The typical child responds with a full-blown temper tantrum, which ignites the parents adult-sized temper tantrum,which results in a lot of anger, and a still-messy room. A better choice is to engage the childs decision-makingskills and utilize his desire to be in control of his own room and his own life. A parent might offer several well-thought-out choices, such as, "Would you like to clean your room after school today, or would you prefer to do itafter baseball practice tomorrow?" Another choice might be, "What would you like to do first, change your beddingor vacuum your carpet?" Yet another choice would be, "Would you like to clean your room yourself, or shall I helpyou?" Its clear that a child will respond better to any of these choices than he would to the statement, "Clean yourroom and do it now." Another way to approach this problem is to ask helpful questions and direct the child intocoming up with solutions on his own. Therefore you might ask, "I notice that your homework is scattered all overyour room. Do you think it might be easier to keep track of if you create a homework place? How can I help yousolve this problem?" Yet another example of this approach is to take the time to discuss the issue with your childand ask for his ideas. "I know the mess in your room doesnt bother you, but I find it difficult to change your bed orput away your clothes. Can you help me come up with some solutions?" As you can see, any of these techniquesprovide the parent with a variety of ways to encourage the child to become involved in solving the problem.Key #7: Use rules and routines. Chores, homework, mealtime, bedtime, getting out the door in the morning. Theseare the things life is made of. If you have very specific rules and routines you will find that things flow. If you dont- chaos. Its well worth the time to establish family priorities, rules and schedules for the usual daily routines. Thefirst part of this key takes more than a few minutes of thought. Youll need to sit down and take time to ponder yourdaily activities. Youll need to make some decisions about priorities and whats most important in your family. Onceyouve done this, create charts to cover the steps involved in each major task, such as the morning routine, the afterschool routine, or the bedtime routine. Purchase and post a large family calendar to show all the family activitiesand commitments. (This helps the adults in the family stay organized just as much as it helps the kids!) A secondpart of this key is to evaluate your expectations for your children. Create a list of rules. These rules should coverexpected behavior by clearly identifying two things: what is NOT allowed AND what behavior IS expected. Inother words, listing, "No fighting" as a family rule is only the first part of the equation. "Be kind and respectful toeach other" clarifies the important concluding concept. When everyone knows what to expect youll find yourselfnagging and complaining much less, and the kids cooperating much more.
  6. 6. Key #8: Build a foundation of love, trust and respect. Imagine that youve been invited to a friends home fordinner. Your friend welcomes you at the door and you step inside. Suddenly, your host shouts, "What is the matterwith you! Your shoes are all muddy and youre getting my carpet dirty!" Embarrassed you mumble, "Sorry" andremove your shoes. As you do, you notice the hole in your sock, and so does your friend, who announces, "Geez.Dont you think you could have dressed properly for dinner? You look like a slob." As you take your place at thetable, your host knocks your elbow off the table with a whispered "tsk, tsk". The dinner conversation is primarilyyour friends story about a guest that joined them for dinner last night who had lovely manners and no holes in hersocks. The story is sprinkled with your friends occasional corrections to your table manners. When you finish yourmeal you stand up only to hear your friend say, "It sure would be nice if somebody helped clear the table." Im sureyou get my drift by now. Many parents treat their children in ways that they would never treat a friend. In theirefforts to raise respectable children, they become so focused on the end goal that they dont realize that the primarymessage coming though to their children is not a pleasant one. Take a close look at your daily interactions withyour children. Make sure that the primary message to them is, "I love you, I trust you, and I respect you." Childrenwho are confident that they loved, trusted and respected by the important adults in their lives will respond overall ina much more pleasant way. How do you get this message through to your children? First, by giving them what theywant most from you - your time. Its much more effective to give small chunks of time every day than to try to packin a "quality" experience once a month. Second, give them your ear. Children thrive when they have someone whoreally listens to them. Its not as important to give advice and solve problems as it is to just plain listen. Third,praise and encourage your children daily. Look for reasons, both big and small, to give your children positivefeedback. Fourth, tell them you love them. Tell them you trust them. Tell them you respect them. Use your words,and your actions to convey this most important message of all, "I love you, I trust you, and I respect you."Key #9: Think first, act second. The times when you act before you think reflect the worst moments in parenting.Those are the times when you lose your patience; those horrible moments when you screech, bellow, threaten or hit.These moments occur most often to parents who are unprepared for the parenting job. None of us are born knowinghow to be parents. We can love our kids with our whole heart and soul, but we arent born with a gene that gives usan instinctual knowledge of the right consequence to impart when our children misbehave, nor do we automaticallyknow how to solve daily child rearing problems. We wont learn a Perfect Parenting process by chance. It takesresearch, thought and planning to decide upon the best solution to any problem.Dont think any chef, no matter how skilled, could enter my kitchen and without any direction, recipe or ingredientsend up creating a four-course meal with a five-star desert. It would increase the odds of our having a delicious mealif that person had access to my best cookbook, and passage to the local grocery store. In much the same way, youwill be a much more successful parent if you have access to ideas and solutions whenever you come across aparenting problem. Perfect Parenting is your guidebook to a multitude of ideas. Use it as your basis to createthoughtful, purposeful solutions to your parenting problems. Whenever you come across a situation that baffles youor creates strife in your family life, take a few minutes to look up the ideas for that entry and any others that aresimilar. Contemplate how the ideas fit into your parenting style, how they match up to the personality of your child,and how they might work for you. Then create a plan of action. And follow through. Enjoy the benefits of thishandbook of knowledge. Enjoy the benefits of thinking before you act. Enjoy the benefits of perfect parenting!
  7. 7. Parenting Styles QuizWhat type of parenting style do you use? Find out by taking this quiz. Answer the questions honestly,based on your beliefs and what you would really say or do, not how you think it "should" be answered:1. What is the parents job?a. To make children behave and to obey authority and rules.b. To provide constant supervision/structured rules so children will act/choose "right."c. To teach children the life skills they need to be self-disciplined, responsible adults.d. To make sure children have a happy, carefree childhood.e. To let children learn the proper skills and behavior on their own2. Who is responsible for controlling the childs behavior?a. Parents must stay in charge and children should obey their rules.b. Children should do what the more experienced and knowledgeable parents say.c. Parents are responsible for teaching children behaviors and skills they need for self-control.d. Parents should explain to the children why they should behave and ask for their cooperation.e. Children can figure out their own limits through trial and error.3. Who has rights?a. The parents have all the rights, just because they are adults; children have few or no rights.b. Parents have superior knowledgeable and experience; therefore they have more rights.c. Parents and children both have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.d. Childrens rights and needs are more important than the parents.e. Children have rights as long as the parents arent inconvenienced.4. Who gets respect?a. Children are expected to respect parents, but parents are not obligated to respect children.b. Children have to earn their parents respect before they will receive it.c. All people deserve to be treated respectfully, regardless of age or position.d. Parents should respect their children so the children will be happy.e. Children act disrespectful now and then, its no big deal.5. How are mistakes handled?a. Children must be punished if they break the rules. The punishment must either make the child feelbad or inconvenience the child somehow.b. Parents can correct childrens mistakes by expressing disappointment, offering constructivecriticism, urging children to try harder, and telling them how to fix the mistake and prevent it later.c. Children can learn lessons from mistakes and how to fix them or prevent them in the future.d. It is a parents responsibility to fix childrens mistakes or protect children from the negative effects.e. Others (besides the parents and children) are probably to blame for the childrens mistakes.6. How are problems solved and decisions made?a. Choices are made within limits that respect the rights and needs of others.b. The problems will go away on their own; if not, the parents can deal with it later.c. Parents have the right answers, so the children should follow their advice.d. Parents should monitor their childrens activities, set goals for the child, and offer rewards orincentives for reaching the goals.e. Parents should try to find out what the children want and make them happy.
  8. 8. 7. How are negative feelings handled?a. Parents shouldnt try to change their childrens negative feelings but can teach them how to expressthem appropriately.b. Everything will go smoother if children keep their negative feelings to themselves.c. Children should not express negative feelings because it shows defiance and disrespect.d. Children should think and feel what their parents think and feel is "right."e. Parents should protect or rescue children from negative feelings.8. Who decides how children should behave, which interests they pursue and the goals they set?a. Parents can teach children positive behavior skills so children can set and reach healthy goals.b. Children can figure out how to behave and what interests/goals to pursue through trial and error.c. Parents should tell children what to do and the goals to pursue and make them follow through.d. Parents should set high standards for children and choose interests/goals that will help the childrensucceed as adults.e. Children should be allowed to do whatever interests/goals they want so theyll be happy.9. Who makes the rules and how are they enforced?a. Children can have choices, within reasonable limits and understand the value of the rules.b. If parents set and enforce limits, their children will feel too constricted and rebel.c. Parents should tell their children what to do, and children should obey without question.d. Parents can set structured rules and correct children with constructive criticism and advice.e. If parents politely remind children to behave, they eventually will.10. How can parents motivate children?a. Parents can teach their children the value of tasks so they are self-motivated to do them.b. Children should be responsible for motivating themselves.c. Children can be motivated through commands and threats.d. Children can be motivated by rewards and incentives, acceptance and praise.e. If parents do enough for their children, the children will be happy and motivated.11. How do parents discipline?a. Parents can explain childrens behavior choices and hold them accountable for their decisions.b. Children can monitor their own behavior.c. Punishment should be uncomfortable or inconvenient so misbehavior will stop.d. Parents should make their children feel bad for misbehaving and take away special privileges.e. Parents shouldnt punish their children too often or they will lose their childrens love.Scoring:You will have five totals--one for each of the five parenting styles. Your highest score shows your dominant parenting style.• Power Patrol: Add 1 point for every (a.) answer on questions 1 through 5, and 1 point for every (c.) answer onquestions 6 through 11.• Perfectionistic Supervisor: Add 1 point for every (b.) answer on questions 1 through 5, and 1 point for every (d.)answer on questions 6 through 11.• Balanced: Add 1 point for every (c.) answer on questions 1 through 5, and 1 point for every (a.) answer on questions6 through 11.• Overindulger: Add 1 point for every (d.) Answer on questions 1 through 5, and 1 point for every (e.) Answer onquestions 6 through 11.• Avoider: Add 1 point for every (e.) answer on questions 1 through 5, and 1 point for every (b.) answer on questions 6through 11.Co-written by Jody Pawel and Pam Dillon of the Dayton Daily News (for 4/6/98 article). Copyright 2000, The ParentsToolshop. Do not reprint or distribute without permission from Ambris Publishing.