- A man named David William Watts tried to steal two diamond rings worth $59,000 from a jeweler's store but was caught after swallowing the rings to hide them. - He was taken to the police watch-house, where x-rays showed he had the rings inside him. However, one ring disappeared after being "passed". - An investigation revealed the ring was likely lost after the police disposed of Watts' waste without checking inside. The police will pay compensation and the matter was handed over to other authorities. - Additionally, the police museum was found to have inaccurately displayed a cannon seized from a biker gang, suggesting it was used in initiations when it was actually inoperable.

1. Not their finest hour
Russell Grenning
Queensland’s Finest – Her Majesty’s Constabulary – has not been enjoying its finest
hours recently. In fact, not to put too fine a point on it – they have been in the shit for
not going through the shit.
It all began when somebody initially called Mark Watts but later called David
William Watts by police tried to pinch a couple of diamond rings valued at $59,000
from a jeweller’s in the vast suburban shopping centre at Indooroopilly.
Demonstrably, Mr Watts is no criminal mastermind – in fact, not the sharpest knife in
the drawer at all when it comes to planning a smoothly executed robbery.
Pretending he was interested in purchasing a ring, he promptly grabbed two despite
being under the watchful eye of CCTV and fled into the shopping centre. He hadn’t
counted on the store manager creating a hue and cry and chasing after him. Cornered
by workers, he tried to take refuge in a pharmacy and he promptly swallowed the
rings before being captured by police.
Oh dear, oh dear.
He was taken to the Brisbane City Watch-house and charged with stealing and fraud.
X-rays confirmed the two rings were somewhere inside Watts so he was ordered to
stay in the watch-house until the rings were – well, ummmm – passed.
A police spokesperson confirmed, “He’s still got custody of the rings inside of him.
They are still in situ.” The last word in this statement was very carefully enunciated to
understandably avoid the slightest suggestion that a “h” was missing.
A day or so later, new x-rays revealed he was only holding one ring – the other had
vanished.
Deputy Commissioner Ross Barnett held a press conference to explain what had
happened. Normally unflappable, Barnett appeared to be so strained that many feared
he was constipated.
It seems that watch-house police had left Watts to find the rings for himself – it was
not for them to ferret about in his faeces – and, probably, the missing ring was in two
bags of what were tastefully described by the Deputy Commissioner as “waste”.
Watts had handed the bags to the staff who promptly disposed of them without taking
the precaution of having a little look at the contents.
“In hindsight, there appears to have been a gap in these procedures,” Mr Barnett
said. He said that the Ethical Standards Command had been called in to investigate.
The word “probe”, which could have had unfortunate implications, was studiously
avoided.

2. “The Queensland Police Service regrets this incident and will confidentially discuss
matters of compensation with the owners of the rings,” he said which means the
taxpayers will have to cough up the readies to pay for it.
He also said that the police had, as it were, washed their hands of the matter and that
Watts had been taken to Customs facilities at Brisbane Airport until the second ring
was recovered. “Our federal colleagues have far more experience in this field,” Mr
Barnett explained. Perhaps Customs officers are provided with rubber gloves which
are not a standard Queensland Police issue.
Mr Barnett also added that what was somewhat vaguely described as new equipment
was being obtained to ensure future evidence of this nature was not lost. Perhaps a
fine mesh insert in watch-house dunnies could be the answer.
Watts is due to appear in court this coming Friday and no further movement has been
reported. Legal experts are speculating that Watts could be bound over to keep the
peace but not, of course, the ring.
Good taste prevents my identifying the jewellers as they could very well soon have a
diamond ring on display as the daily special. All lassies who are about to become
engaged should, before accepting, ask their future hubbies just where he got the
engagement ring. The answer – as indeed the ring itself – could leave a nasty taste in
some poor girl’s mouth.
In other news, it has been revealed that Queensland Police had seized a cannon from
the Finks motor cycle gang which, it was claimed, had been used in some quaint
initiation ceremony for new recruits - the cannon fired cement filled beer cans at the
hopeful newbies.
Now this seizure was actually made in 1987 and the coppers were so proud of their
courage and initiative that the cannon went on prominent display at the Police
Museum.
According to the display notice which has adorned the exhibit for twenty-six years,
“If the new recruit flinched when the missile was fired at him, he was not accepted
into the gang.”
Once again: oh dear, oh dear.
It was pointed out to the QPS that the cannon was incapable of firing anything
according to its own testimony from one of their own weapons experts in the 1987
court case – a view agreed to by an army weapons expert. Yes, it was simply an
ornament - albeit for a strictly niche market.
In fact, on the basis of this testimony back in 1987, the charges had been dropped.
The hapless police spokesperson said, “QPS Museum staff have been advised the
cannon label did not include all of the relevant facts about the case. (They) have
removed the cannon from display in order to conduct further research and ensure the
display is accurate.”

3. Just what “further research” is required wasn’t explained. Very possibly, it will be an
advanced forensic investigation.
If Queensland’s Finest had been thinking strategically, they should have taken Watts
to the Museum and not the watch-house and aimed the cannon at him. In one foul
swoop, they would have retrieved both rings and, at the same time, found out the
cannon was useless.