The Uniqueness of Christian Families

NOVEmber 2015NOVEmber 2015 Writers’ ForumWriters’ Forum0202
EDITORIALEDITORIAL
Praveen Martis SJPraveen Martis SJ
amily feasts and family gatherings are found
in almost every culture known to humanity.
FIn their collective wisdom, the authors of
the various cultures and traditions of the world have
taught us the importance of coming together as
family.We need family celebrations to go back to our
roots and to hold the threads of relationship firmly
together.Happyfamiliesmakeahappierworld.
Family life is a grace and also a cross.We can
find many inspiring stories and also a lot of humour
surrounding family life. Family life is a joy. At the
same time it requires many adjustments, which can
often be uncomfortable and burdensome. With the
rapid changes in lifestyle, our life in the family has
also undergone rapid changes
and the challenges this brings
forth needs newer answers.
However, problems concerning
family cannot be solved by
words alone. Selfless love
makesgreatburdens light.
In his article “Home
and the World” (TOI, Oct 10),
Dipankar Gupta makes a very
interesting study on farmers' suicide. He bases his
observation on the National Crime Register which
brings out the two highest causes of suicides in India
– family problems and health. Gupta notes, “a
farmer's loss of self-esteem as father and husband
makes indebtedness hard to live with”. Gupta's
argument speaks for itself and shows how family life
can be a challenge in the lives of many, especially the
poor andtheoppressed.
Many philosophers and thinkersremindus of
our broaderlinkwiththeworldaroundus.
Aristotle, the great Greek philosopher of ancient
times, believed that family forms the bedrock of a
stable society. Martin Heidegger, the well known
German philosopher, speaks of our human existence
as being-in-the-world. Pannenberg, a German
theologian, reflects on human existence as
Weltoffenheit, which can be understood as world-
open-ness. Human beings are always in the world.
We are strongly linked with the world. The world
makes us what we are and it forms our identity.
Thinking with these great minds, can we think of
havingabroaderdefinitionof 'family'today?
Family life can be seen as a loving - living
partnership. It reminds me of the anecdote of the
yoke that the late Fr Simon Furtado
SJ often repeated. It would be good to
recall it. When two bulls are put
under a yoke, it is impossible to
calculate how much of the work is
done by each of the bulls. When the
work is completed, we can only say
that the total of pulling is done by two
bulls. Family life is something like
that-goingthroughlifetogether.
The Church has always
emphasized the importance of family life. It has
repeatedly taught with wisdom, insight and concern
that praying together solves much of our problems
concerning family. This is true for all times. The
Synod of Bishops on Family held this year between
October 4 and 25 has been the latest attempt to
deepen our understanding of family and to reflect on
the challenges and the mission of family life in the
present context. This issue of Writer's Forum brings
to you our reflections on Family Life. We wish you a
pleasantreading.

UNIQUENESS OF
CHRISTIAN FAMILIES
UNIQUENESS OF
CHRISTIAN FAMILIES Lancy Fernandes SJLancy Fernandes SJ
ome is the first school and the mother is
the first teacher” is a well known adage.
HBut what better way can there be to open
the Synod on Family than with canonizing the
parents of St. Theresa of Child Jesus? Yes, it clearly
manifests the Pope's intent towards progress and
appreciation of the role of parents and of the unit
called family in the world today which seems to be
goingthroughaphaseof turmoilandneglect.
The Synod has
just been wound up. It
has definitely looked at
the modern issues of
Christian families,
n a m e l y f a i l e d
m a r r i a g e s , t h o s e
without children, live-
in relationships, single
mothers and fathers,
good remarriages and
so on. There are several
issues and challenges
related to Catholic
families today that need to be attended to in order to
enrich the family apostolate and pastoral work with
families. But along with that we too as members of
the same Church need to reflect and see for ourselves
whether there is any uniqueness in being a Christian
familyinthesecularworld of today.
I remember also my childhood days spent in
the family. Various activities and roles in the family
helped and groomed me to be, what I am today. I
wish to reflect on three things, namely the
uniqueness of Christian families, the ground reality
today and the implications for the Church for an
adequatepastoralapproachtofamilies.
TheUniqueness ofChristian Family
In Christianity, a family has a unique role as the
center of faith and human formation. In medieval
times, the Christian family was seen to have only a
spiritual bond, whereas today people have realized
that physical bond also plays an important role in the
life of an individual. Gaudium et spes no. 52
describes family as 'a kind of school for human
enrichment.' Lumen gentium no. 11 describes family
as the domestic church (ecclesia domestica) and
parents as the 'first
heralds of faith' to
theirchildren.
In my opinion, the
u n i q u e n e s s o f
Christian family
consists in the
following five
aspects:
a) Every Family
is called upon to
create peace in the
e n t i r e h u m a n
family. Pope John
Paul II in his message for World Day of Peace has
stressed the role of families in establishing peace in
the society by being a community of Life, Love and
Peace. He said, “God wished humanity to live in
harmony and peace, and laid the foundations for this
in the very nature of the human being, created 'in his
image.' The divine image develops not only in the
individual but also in that unique communion of
persons formed by a man and a woman so united in
love that they become “one flesh” (Gen 2:24). Every
person has been entrusted by the Lord with the
mission of giving life and of nurturing it by the
formationofafamily.”
0303OCTOBER 2015OCTOBER 2015 Writers’ ForumWriters’ ForumNOVEmber 2015NOVEmber 2015

b) Every Family has a mission and spirituality –
Lumen gentium no. 40 mentions that all Christians
are called to holiness. In my opinion, the mission of a
Christian family is Trinitarian and the spirituality
must be of discipleship. Every Family has a mission
from God. The call to each member is to make their
home an abode of God based on the covenant of love
and life, communion and solidarity. Trinitarian
communion of a family is that which includes the
communion with God, with spouses, with parents
and children and grand parents and the extended
family. A disciple is one who listens to the master.
Every member of the family
must listen and discern God's
w i l l f o r t h e f a m i l y,
relationships, work and events
of everyday life. It is through
the ordinary events, joys and
sorrows, successes and failures
that the family recognizes the
hand of God. In this way every
member is called to be a
disciple by fulfilling his/her
role in the family. Fidelity,
harmony, peace and integrity
are the demands of discipleship
inthefamily.
c) Every family has a role in social
transformation and in the formation of conscience.
Every social change in society must start in the
family. Parental example and their values of justice,
peace, integrity, fairness, goodness, generosity and
transparency will help children to be better
individuals. In Redemptoris Missio no. 57, John Paul
II spoke of the role of families in practicing dialogue
in society. Formation of consciencetakes place when
parents live an exemplary life, and children feel
gratefulforhavingbeentaughttoliveso.
Our conscience must be formed according to the law
of God (Familiaris consortio no. 16, Evangelium
Vitaenos. 58-67, Gaudium etspes no. 51).
d) EveryFamilyhas to be a basichuman community,
Family is the place where one learns the basics of
humanity, saysThomas Martin in his book Christian
Family Values. It is a place where one learns how to
love and to be loved - an experience essential for
human identity. It is the starting point in building
humansociety.
e) Every Family has to be prophetic. A
Family is called to share human values
and the values of the Reign of God.
Gaudium et spes 52 says, every family
must promote values of family and
marriage by being witnesses with
people of good will. Christian families
have the capacity to evangelize not by
preaching but by sharing their religious
experience through their witness –
namely in their sanctity of marriage, in
respecting the sacredness of life,
human dignity, sanctity and holiness of
familybond etc.
Ground Realitytoday:
A recent survey conducted in the diocese of Pune
had much to say. I was happy to be part of it. Today
the families of other faiths have great influence on
Christian parents. This has led to challenges in
bringingupthefamilyintrueChristianvalues.
Factors of Influence: Science & Technology,
Media, globalization, materialism, consumerism,
use-and-throw culture, western culture and value
systemetc.
0404 Writers’ ForumWriters’ Forum
UNIQUENESS OF
CHRISTIAN FAMILIES
UNIQUENESS OF
CHRISTIAN FAMILIES Lancy Fernandes SJLancy Fernandes SJContd. from pg. 3Contd. from pg. 3
NOVEmber 2015NOVEmber 2015

Their Impact: The above factors have demeaned
the idea of marriage and family as an institution.
Procreation and children are seen no more as gifts.
Marriage is no more a public affair. Individualism
has broken up families and increased divorces.
There is increase in the loss of religious
consciousness in people. Modern couples find it
impossible to understand the art of 'parenting' of
today's generation. The concept of 'relationship' and
respect for human life are all coloured by the trend of
free ethics
( l i b e r a l
ethics).
Implicatio
ns:
The three
p o s s i b l e
areas of concern, according to the survey, that need
to be responded to today to groom better families
are:
1) Bringing clarity in the Understanding of the 'Role
ofChristianFamily'and'Relationships.'
2) Communicating the 'Meaning of Marriage' for a
Christian and emphasis on Good Marital
Relationship
3)Formation and Care of children – Building Adult
Faith and Value formation (Change in Parenting
style)
In my opinion the Church needs to give a
biblical thrust to the apostolate with Families,
explain the bio-genetic threats to life (Donum Vitae)
and re-affirm that family life also is a vocation. The
role of the mother which is forgotten because of
careerism, must be re-affirmed. Emphasis must be
laid on the specific role every member of the family
hastoplayfor thewell-beingofthefamily.
Today many women want to be seen as equal
adults, not as an extension of her husband. Young
mothers don't want to be the dominant domestic
parent alone. Frequent visits by the priest to
families, especially those in crisis, and Small
Christian Communities can make a great difference
in the parish. Spouses must be made to realize that
relationship is not a one-time achievement but
involvesaprocess of growth.
There is a dire need to stress the
sacramentality of relationships, equal dignity,
complementarity and co-responsibility of each
partner in marriage. Sexual differences must not be
an issue for superiority. The mother's role of
nurturing the family cannot be replaced by a father.
Father has a role of taking the family forward.
Appreciation of sacredness of human sexuality in
marriage and giving clarity about the theology of the
body in sermons, organizing counseling sessions for
couples and. stressing the importance of prayer for
theunityofthefamilyareneeded.
I wish to salute many couples of great
holiness and moral standing who have shown
through their life example and by their parenting,
that family life too is a mission. In Pope Francis'
words, “AHealthy family life requires frequent use
of three phrases, 'May I? Thank you and I am sorry'
and never, never, …never end the day without
making peace.” Therefore it is younger couples of
today that need the church's attention and guidance.
The quality of families will determine the quality of
a parish. May today's pastor learn to be competent
and pastorally sensitive to the uniqueness of
families.
UNIQUENESS OF
CHRISTIAN FAMILIES
UNIQUENESS OF
CHRISTIAN FAMILIES Lancy Fernandes SJLancy Fernandes SJContd. from pg. 4Contd. from pg. 4

fter the Sunday Mass, a couple, say John
and Mary, come to the parish priest for
Ablessingon theirweddinganniversary.
John with a broad smile tells the priest, “Father bless
us, wearecelebratingour SilverWedding.”
“Congratulations and God bless you!” says the
priest.
Hesitatingly Mary replies, “But Father, we have
livedtogetheronlyfor sixmonths.”
This is a
small instance
which describes the
situation of most of
the families today.
Gone are the days
where couples lived
together for fifty or
sixty years, sharing
in each other's joys
and sorrows. A
handful of couples
today celebrate
their jubilees, but
many are strangers
to each other,
because they are
either immersed in
their jobs or because of jobs they live separately say,
one partner lives at home, the other is abroad or in
another state of the country. As a result the child
grows up at home without any contact with the other
parent or the child grows up with single parent or
withgrandparentsorinaboardinghouse orhostel.
Such a situation will have a lot of adverse effects on
thechildren,andsomeof themare:
The children are not attached to their
parents or families. Let me give an example. Once a
boy told his teacher that his father is very good and
he likes him, because he is like an A.T.M., who
sends money before he asks. “When I grow up it is
my duty to look after him well. So I will put him in
the best “Home for the aged” in the city, and send
him money regularly.” This sounds funny, but this is
what's happening around us today. At present we
have so many homes for the aged, not because old
people don't have any
relatives, but because
they are looked upon as a
burden by their children.
This is because the
children know only the
usefulness of their
parents and not their
importance or their
affection.
Most of the youth today
follow the principle,
“Eat, drink and make
merry”. They don't want
to work hard, simply
because their parents are
working for their future
and have kept property or
funds reserved in their name. So these are busy
going for movies, night parties, pubs and clubs with
their friends. They don't have a specific goal in their
life. As a result they don't do anything productive;
rathertheyuse,overuseandevenabuseastheylike.
In olden days whenever children asked
for money, parents would enquire and based on the
needtheywouldgiveit.
CHILDREN'S NEED
FOR LOVE
CHILDREN'S NEED
FOR LOVE Larren Menezes SJLarren Menezes SJ
0606 Writers’ ForumWriters’ ForumNOVEmber 2015NOVEmber 2015

But today parents who are far from their
children think the only way they can show their love
towards their children is by giving them money even
before they ask for it. So practically speaking,
parents have no control over their children and more
surprisingly, many parents are anxious about their
children, thinking that children may harm
themselves. As a result children are an easy prey to
bad habits like drugs, alcohol, smoking,
pornography, etc. And by the age of ten or twelve,
t h e y k n o w
everything that
adults know.
Childhood itself
looks blurred
a n d
disappearing.
But still parents
do not realize
the harm they
d o t o t h e i r
children.
Among
all the living
creatures only
h u m a n s a r e
rational. They can think, reflect and decide. But at
present this seems to be lacking. More and more
young people draw an end to their life, simply
because the teacher insulted him/her before his/her
friends or they are attracted to somebody and when
they propose, their proposal is rejected, or just for
not scoring marks as per their expectations, or for
anysuchreason.
This clearly shows that enjoyment and success
govern their life and they are unable to face failures,
difficultiesandstressful moments.
Love is sacred. It is a divine quality. Love is
being with a person in his or her joys and sorrows.
Love is difficult to express words. But unfortunately
today parents do not have time to show their love to
their children. Therefore the young generation
equate love to sex. They think love is an object
which gives
pleasure and
that can be
purchased for
money. And
real love seems
t o b e
disappearing.
Finall
y I feel all these
considerations
say that youth
are not properly
o r i e n t e d
towards life.
They do not get
love and attention from their parents. So they find
love in any way possible. By this they destroy
themselves and indirectly society. So it is high time
that all of us show compassion and love towards
childrenandyouth,andorientthemintherightway.
CHILDREN'S NEED
FOR LOVE
CHILDREN'S NEED
FOR LOVE Larren Menezes SJLarren Menezes SJContd. from pg. 6Contd. from pg. 6

It begins with love
As a permanent commitment, as a vow
Wow! Promising loyalty in faith and love
As a sacrificial token exchanged forever and now
Yes, everyone is born in a bond
Caring, loving and holding hand
Forget not, we swim together in a pond
Supporting each other, rapture beyond
Praying together morning and evening
You know! It's a graceful blessing
And here starts sharing and caring
A paradigm of life in fullness rendering
Today, it is rare to find
Phoney relationships can't strong bind
When foiling storms are strong as wind
Everything is remorse and destroyed
Come, let's again combine and rejoin
As suffering and joy come together, two faces of a
coin
Prayer and faith surely shower blessings' rain
To grow in mutual and meaningful life again
Prashanth Saldanha SJPrashanth Saldanha SJ
KENOSISKENOSIS

ONLY MOTHERONLY MOTHER
Arun Lobo SJArun Lobo SJ
got out of my car and noticed the punctured
wheel.There was no transportation facility on
Ithat road. It was a remote place. As I began to
walk, I came accross a burial ground. There I
noticed a young man, sitting beside a grave and
crying. I was moved. I approached him and asked
himthereasonforhistears.
The man, though initially remained silent,
after some time broke his silence. He told me that the
grave beside him was his mother's. I listened
attentivelytohimashestartedtotellhis story.
from the
time
, "
; I
“Sir, my mother was a liar. My story begins
when I was a child: I was born poor. Often we
hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food,
my mother often gave me her portion of rice. While
she was transferring her
rice into my bowl, I used
to tell her,"Mummy, it is
your share". But she used
to tell me Eat this rice,
my dear son am not
h u n g r y. " T h i s w a s
Mother's First Lie.
As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to
fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the
fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more
nutritiousfood for mygrowth.
Once she had caught just two fish; she
prepared fish soup out of them. While I tasted the
soup, mother sat beside me and ate what was still left
on the bone of the fish I had eaten. My heart broke
when I saw that. So I gave her the other fish, but she
immediately refused it saying, "You eat it, son! I
don't reallylikefish."This was Mother's SecondLie.
After Father's death, Mother had to play the
role of a single parent. She had to look after all our
needs alone. Our family's life was miserable. We
suffered from starvation. Seeing our family's
condition worsening, our neighbors often advised
my mother to marry again. But Mother refused to
remarry, saying, "I don't need love at all".This was
Mother'sThirdLie.
When I had to sit for the Final Examination,
Mother accompanied me. After dawn, Mother
waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun. When
the bell rang, I ran to meet her.. Mother embraced me
and poured me a bowl of rice water; seeing mother
covered with sweat, I at once gave her my bowl and
asked her to drink too. Mother said, "Drink, son! I'm
not thirsty!” This was
Mother's FourthLie.
My mother started to work
day in and day out both in and
outside the house. She hardly
used to rest. Seeing her I
would to tell her to rest a
while. But she would tell me,
"No son, I am not tired". This
was Mother's FifthLie.
After I had finished my studies I got a job in
one of the famous companies in America. It was
time for my old Mother to retire, but she carried on
going to the market every morning just to sell a few
vegetables. I kept sending her money but she was
steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She
said, "I have enough money, son." That was
Mother's SixthLie.

I continued my part-time studies for my
Master's Degree. I was helped by the Company for
which I worked. I succeeded in my studies. With a
big jump in my salary, I decided to bring Mother to
enjoy life in America with her only son, but Mother
didn't want to bother her son; she said to me, "I'm not
used to high living, son. I am happy here."That was
Mother's SeventhLie.
In her old age, Mother had an attack of cancer
and had to be hospitalized. Now from far across the
ocean, I went home to visit Mother who was
bedriddenafteranoperation. Mother tried to smile
but I was heartbroken to see her so thin and feeble,
but she said, "Don't cry, son! I've no pain." That was
Mother's EighthLie.Tellingmethis,shedied.
Always she used to call me "my son" .That
was her ninth and last lie. Yes, she used to call me
"son"; but I was not her son, I only realized it after
herdeath.Shenursed athrown awaychild-me.
Iamreallyblessed tohavesuchamother.
For those of you who are lucky to be still blessed
with your Mom's presence on Earth, this story is
beautiful. For those who aren't so blessed, this is
evenmorebeautiful.
I remembered my mother and thanked God
becausemyfamilyisonlymyMother…
A PRECIOUS GIFTA PRECIOUS GIFT
A family
Is made of love and
tears,
Laughter and years
It grows stronger
And remains longer
With precious
memories.
Sometimes a family is
made of ones
You don't like for a
while.
But still love for a life
time
You fight, quarrel and stop
Talking for days
yet sharing and caring for years.
It's a place where you find
Someone to
encourage you
Believe in you.
Celebrate with you,
also
Mourn with you.
A family is where you
Feel at home because
You're welcomed,
cared for and loved.
It's a gift you get
without asking,
It's a gift you can compare with nothing.
Contd. from pg. 9Contd. from pg. 9

ll of us must be feeling sad to hear about
what is happening to women. They are
Asimply exploited by the dissatisfied thirst
of lustful men. In each and every corner of our
county this problem has been increasing. Is there no
full stop to this? Why are our hearts so violent
towards them? Am I
human being or not?
Why am I depriving the
full freedom of theirs?
Compulsorily all men
and especially those
indulging in such acts
must respond to this.
The victims' every tear
puts us toshame.
On the other hand, we all must recall our own
mothers and sisters. If this injustice were to happen
to them, would we be deaf and dumb? Certainly not.
Butwhy areourthoughtsstillinthecrookedpath?
Women are frightened and are completely losing
their trust in men. Oh! How painful to see this! God
created men and women, in order to share his LOVE
and so that they become models and inspiration to
the budding generation. But now instead of love
being born, evil has already invaded their weak
hearts.
Dear brothers, it is
not so difficult to get
away from the evil
practices. For this, we
need to prepare and
purify our hearts and
minds. It cannot be
done by ourselves,
because we are weak.
We need the help of God to change our hearts and
tune them to a good melody. If this transformation
happens in us, then there will be no more injustice or
anyprobleminour humanfamilies.
WOMEN'S EXPLOITATIONWOMEN'S EXPLOITATION
Sunil Kumar SJSunil Kumar SJ

FAMILY:
A GIFT – CHERISH IT….
FAMILY:
Prof. Judy PintoProf. Judy Pinto
hat is a family? – Even a kid is able to
say that father, mother and children
Wliving together is called a family' –Yes,
a nuclear family these days consists of 3 or 4
members. We have seen large families consisting of
grandparents, parents and many children. Desmond
Tutu has correctly said “You don't choose your
family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to
them.”God createdthefirstfamilyofAdamandEve.
They broke the Law of
God which compelled
Jesus to be born in the
family in order to
sanctify family life.
That is why 'Holy
Family' is looked up to
as a role model to all our
families.
George Bernard
Shaw says, “A happy
family is but an earlier
heaven.” Are our
families 'heaven' now?
What are the challenges
of family life? A family
involves a marriage in
the first place. Are we
havinghappymarriages?
There are a few characteristics of a happy
relationship:
1. Communication: -Asympathetic sharing of
innerfeelingsofeachotherbetweenthespouses.
2. Faithfulness and Permanency: - Married
couples are engaged in a process of sustaining,
healing and growth. Stability in marriage is also
calledfor by theneedsof thechildren.
3. Openness and Reconciliation: - Love gives
and forgives. Openness with one's partner is
essential for a successful marriage. It is also
importanttohealoneanotherinthetimeof conflict.
4. Community and Orientation: - A family
that is too self centred will ultimately fail to grow as
itshould.
5. Healthy Sexual Relationship: - Sex is the
instrument designed by God to complete the union
of husband and wife
in physical union.
Mutually satisfying
sexual relationship
may be the most
i m p o r t a n t
ingredient of a
happymarriage.
6. Responsible
Parenthood: -
Parenthood is the
creation of another
person. It enriches a
m a r i t a l
relationship.
George S is
right when he says,
“The family is one of
nature's masterpieces”. One learns so many values
in his family, such as sacrifice, togetherness, service
etc. We Christians value family as a compact and
permanent unit, more closely knit than any church
congregation. That is why family worship has an
important part of family life. The whole family
should pray together. 'A family that prays together,
stays together.” Family prayer should certainly
include the reading of the Bible. Family prayer and
gracebeforemealsarebeautifulpractices.

“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten”
says David O Stiers. We pray for the people who are
sick,who areawayorwho areinanykindof need.
We Christians have the support of the Trinity and
Mother Mary. Eucharist nourishes us. To meet the
challenges of present day families we can turn to
what Jesus does through Eucharist. Jesus teaches us
four things:
1. Sharing
2. Sacrifice
3. Suffering
4. Service
If we apply these four
Ss in our family life, we
can overcome any
challenge.
1. Sharing: Jesus
has shared his flesh and
blood in the Eucharist.
We have to share
ourselves in the family.
In the present nuclear
families where there
are single children,
children wouldn't
know the value of
sharing. Whatever parents bring is for him/her. Such
children could be taken to the orphanages, old age
homes to celebrate their birthdays. Sharing at least
onemealadaytogetherisbeautiful.
2. Sacrifice: We people should switch over to
'Being mode' from 'having mode'. Our houses have
to be termed as 'homes'. When a family member is in
need, other members have to sacrifice their
comforts. Even children have to learn the attitude of
sacrifice.
3. Suffering: Family life involves suffering
due to ego clashes. Differences of opinion should be
welcomed. When we destroy ego in ourselves, we
will be able to shoulder the suffering of one another.
How muchour Jesus sufferedfor us?
4. Service: The basic commandment is 'Love
one another.' This involves service. If we have this
value, why then our
elderly suffer in old age
homes?, why our sick
people in hospital beds
abandoned? If we are
true Christians, we
need to receive Jesus in
the Holy Eucharist and
try to live the above 4
Ss inour life.
“I believe that world
is one big family and
we need to help each
other” says Jet Li.
Since family is the
basic unit of the Church
and the Society, when
beautiful families
bloom all around, the society benefits at large. Could
we not avoid 'Terror in Paris' if we had better
families? Where do the criminals emerge from?
May there be happy families everywhere in the
world.
Ÿ Dr Veronica Judith Carlo is the Vice principal
of St. Aloysius College. She often writes in
Local Konkani newspapers and magazines. She
engages herself inFamilycounseling too.
FAMILY:
FAMILY:
Prof. Judy PintoProf. Judy PintoContd. from pg. 12Contd. from pg. 12

THE WEB OF LIFETHE WEB OF LIFE
Avinash D’Souza SJAvinash D’Souza SJ
he web, the strands, the spider, triggers a
thought of connectedness and
Tbelongingness. Each aspect in the web
signifies a variety of different dimensions compared
to the world. The web began with a spider searching
for a place to construct its web. It chose the
d i m e n s i o n s o f
s p i r i t u a l ,
emotional, physical
and social life to
hold on to and it
built its web. This
spider's web, the
strands in it depict
the families. The
diverse, rich and
colourful families
spread all over the
w o r l d a s
mentioned. “Look
towards heaven and
count the stars if
you are able to
count them.” [Gen
15:5]
The family is the cradle of life and love
where one first learns to become human. The basic
sense of belongingness and the reception of identity
shape the life of an individual. This is conceived
right from the beginning in a family that moulds the
clay as per the values and the culture it has received.
Life is all about receiving and giving. History
teaches this and we practice living it. It is all that we
have imbibed from the roots of our families. But it
takes courage to become and live what we are called
to, amidst this fast changing culture and traditions in
thispresentworld.
How could we aspire to live it? As we say
that the beauty of a country or the world is
determined by the values, character and the
principles of the family. Each strand in the web
contributes to support another and uphold the web,
so it is with an individual in the family, the
responsibility rests on each
one to hold on to be humane
and to live with harmony or
to unwind the relationships
to cause chaos and turmoil
finally harming the beauty of
the family called the web.
The trick is supposed to be
very simple - to listen to our
hearts and live as a flower
and not to listen to our mind
and live as an ego-filled
stone. This is the very reason
for the difficulties and
damages that take place in a
family life. As a stone
shatters the spiders web so
does ego cause disharmony
in the families. The desire of
individualism should be pruned to extend the values
ofgiveandtakeinthefamily.
The biological family that we come from
and the family of the Society of Jesus that we are
living in guards the beauty of the web. Let the wind
may blow or the rain may splash over it. It still keeps
shinning and encouraging us to live in a better way
each day and challenges us to be like the flower
rather than the stone. As we march ahead in this
world, let us witness the richness family life
provides and live as a happy family and make the
webof lifeshine.
NOVEmber 2015NOVEmber 2015 1414 Writers’ ForumWriters’ Forum

For marriage, the mutual consent of both
partners is needed and only then is it blessed and
considered valid in the eyes of the Church. For those
who are not married in the Church or those who are
living together through a civil union, the Church will
consider it valid only if they rectify their status in the
Church. A marriage that has been blessed in the
Church and consummated in the human manner
cannot be dissolved. Theoretically this sacrament
can be administered even outside of the celebration
of the Eucharist. Due to the civil implications of
marriage, a couple who are married in the Church
can also register
their marriage in
the courts, and
the Church has
no problem with
this.
Divorce and
Annulment: It
follows from the
very nature of
marriage (as
described above) that there is no divorce in the
church. If a civil body issues a decree of divorce or
separation, the Church does not recognize this as
having any effect on the sacramental status of
marriage. What the Church allows is that a decree of
nullity can be issued in cases where it can be proved
before the marriage tribunal that the marriage never
took place validly. This could arise, for example, if
either of the spouses had not given their consent in a
truly free manner at the time when the sacrament
was administered. The presence of children might
prove a practical obstacle to the separation of a
couple.
his article begins with a general
introduction containing briefly the Pope's
Tcatecheses on wounded families followed by
the position of the Church on Marriage, on Divorce,
on the remarried and on excommunication. It
concludes with some reflections that stress on the
Pastoralcaretowards thesewoundedfamilies.
Introduction: Every Wednesday, the Pope
traditionally delivers a message of catechetical value
in his weekly General Audience. Pope Francis on
August 5, 2015, continued his catecheses on the
Family with a special focus on
wounded families. He was
referring to those who are
living together outside of a
union of Sacramental marriage,
those who are divorced, those
who were remarried through a
civil union etc. At one point he
exclaimed that these people are
a b s o l u t e l y n o t
excommunicated, they are
alwayspartof theChurch.
Marriage: Marriage (between two baptized
persons) is not simply a contract like a civil union; it
is a sacrament. A sacrament is an outward sign of an
inward grace. It is a promise made before God to give
oneself to each other in perfect unity and to
cooperate with God in bringing forth new life into
the world. We have heard that marriages are made in
heaven. It is true in the sense that it is the Lord to
whom the promise is made. Marriage is indissoluble
by any human power for any reason other than death.
We find the basis for this in the Scriptures itself
which says, what God has united, let no man put
asunder.(Mk 10:9).
PASTORAL CARE TO THE
DIVORCED AND THE REMARRIED
Ryan Rodrigues SJRyan Rodrigues SJ

They are abortion, apostasy and heresy, schism,
violating the sacred species (the Eucharist),
physically attacking the Pope, a priest absolving an
accomplice in a sexual sin, consecrating a Bishop
without authorization and a priest directly violating
the seal of confession. What is interesting to note is
that in the strict sense of the law, the Divorced and
the remarried or those living in a
union outside of Sacramental
marriage are not therefore
excommunicated. They cannot
receive communion because
they are in a state of grave sin and
have violated either the sixth or
the ninth commandment. They
can be forgiven if truly repentant
and if they go for a confession,
but then they ought to set right
their marriage as well in the eyes
of theChurch.
On September 8, the Vatican
released two documents Motu
Proprio. These documents that
are issued by the Pope on his own
initiative carry a high degree of authority in the
Catholic Church. They are Mitis Iudex Dominus
Iesus (“The Lord Jesus, the Gentle Judge”) and
Mitis et Misericors Iesus (“Gentle and Merciful
Jesus”) which reforms the annulment process for the
Latin Church and the Eastern Churches (that
includes the Syro-Malabar and Syro-Malankara
Churches in India). The Papal decision has been
taken after carefully considering the fact that all
Church regulations are to be guided by the “supreme
law of the salvation of souls.” In the context of
marriage, this translates into a need to protect the
unitivedimensioninfaithanddiscipline.
Remarriage: Remarriage is permitted in the
church only in case of the death of one of the spouses.
If a previous marriage is declared non-existent
through a decree of nullity then remarriage is
possible in the Church (CCC 1629). There are some
who have got divorced outside the Church through a
civil decree issued by an institution of the state like
the court of Law etc and then are
remarried outside the Church;
however, this civil union is not
recognized by the Church even if
they have made a vow of chastity
and are living faithfully to one
another like brother and sister.
The Church would refer to
families from such marriages as
wounded families in need of
healing.
Excommunication: The
concept of excommunication is
often misunderstood. It does not
mean that that a person is banned
from the Church or stripped of
his/her Catholicism.Rather, it is
a strong remedial penalty meted out with a hope that
one will repent for what one has said or done so that
one can be in full communion with the Church. It is a
reversible process often declared by a Bishop or
delegated to a Parish Priest. Excommunicated
persons are still members of the Catholic Church
because of their baptism, but are denied all
sacraments except penance. This penalty is
considered to be “medicinal” – i.e. it helps the person
to realise the seriousness of his/her sin. The 1983
Code of Canon Law from Can. 1364 and following,
specifies nine sins that carry an automatic
excommunication.
Ryan Rodrigues SJRyan Rodrigues SJContd. from pg. 15Contd. from pg. 15

have reintroduced the concept of an appeal to the
Metropolitan See which in the case of Karnataka is
the Bangalore Archdiocese. When this new
guideline is implemented then appeals could be
received from any of the other dioceses in
Karnataka. The parties can however make a second
appeal to the Vatican in which case they would have
toapproachtheRomanRota(tribunal).
Reflections: The Pope invites
all the faithful especially the
Pastors to be good shepherds.
These people who are married
or are living together outside of
Sacramental marriage should
not be kept at a distance. They
must be encouraged and
assisted to participate in the
liturgy, be enriched with the
Word of God, in charity and
Christian education to their
children, to become persons
committed to justice and
peace, become fervent in
prayer etc. In other words they
must not be ignored but must
be made to feel welcomed, fraternally and
attentively in love and truth. On May 31, 2014 the
Pope baptized the children of unwed couples and
single mothers, for it is no fault of the Child.We may
becomeat times insensitive as pastors when it comes
to practical matters and the Pope reiterates what
John Paul II said in the apostolic exhortation on the
Family in 1981 in Familiaris Consortio that we
must exercise careful discernment in these matters.
May all of us Catholics grow in care towards
wounded families and follow the example of the
Good Shepherd.
The sacramental theology on marriage is left intact
by the latest developments, while the process for
seeking an annulment is streamlined. Prior to the
reforms, the declaration of nullity had to come from
two different tribunals and required an automatic
appeal.
The Holy Father has removed the automatic
appeal (which sometimes results in delays in
granting an annulment) but
maintained the right of one of the two
parties to appeal a decision on the
nullity of marriage. The reforms
when implemented will imply the
following: First, that one sentence in
favour of executive nullity ruled by
the moral certainty of one judge is
sufficient. He shall always be a cleric
placed under the responsibility of the
Bishop. In case if one of the parties
fails to show up after being
summoned twice then this is to be
taken as a consent for the annulment
process to be moved forward.
Second, the Bishop who is also the
judge among the faithful entrusted to
him in his diocese will not completely delegate this
matter to the priests of his curia as far as matters
pertainingtomarriageareconcerned.
Third, a briefer form of trying nullity cases
has been designed for cases which support the
accusation of marital nullity by evident documents.
This can be considered as a 'fast track' case where it is
very obvious through evidence that the original
marriage is null and void. Fourthly, the Vatican
believes that theArchbishops ought to be given their
rightfulplaceandhencethey
Ryan Rodrigues SJRyan Rodrigues SJContd. from pg. 16Contd. from pg. 16

“You don’t choose your family.
They are god’s gift to you,
as you are to them.”
“You don’t choose your family.
They are god’s gift to you,
as you are to them.”
PEARLSPEARLS
Desmond TutuDesmond Tutu
SujayDanielSJSujayDanielSJ

The Uniqueness of Christian Families

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (20)

Viewers also liked

Viewers also liked (19)

Similar to The Uniqueness of Christian Families

Similar to The Uniqueness of Christian Families (20)

More from Ksj Writers

More from Ksj Writers (20)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

The Uniqueness of Christian Families