A-Z OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.pdf

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A TO Z
OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
“A relationship is like building a house,
build it well or it will collapse”
Copyright 2019 The Jesus Family
Dedication
This booklet is dedicated
with love to all readers to mark the Ruby Jubilee of
Evangelist Funmilayo & Pastor Elijah Sunday Oguntade.
“But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children.”
PSALM 103: 17
Published in Great Britain
by African Voice UK Publications
All rights reserved
Text by individual authors.

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FOREWORD
The quest for Joy, peace and fulfilment of God’s purpose for our lives
is everyman’s desire on earth. God has created man and woman for a
purpose in life. Without a peaceful coexistence man may not realize the
purpose for which he has been created. The role of man and woman can
be more fulfilling when we do the will of our creator.
In this book, A TO Z OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, written by a
versatile man of God, Pastor Elijah Sunday Oguntade, readers will be
fascinated by the life experiences of the author and his wife, who have
been married for over forty years and learn from their exemplary living
to discover how they made the best of their relationship to achieve a
fulfilling life.
The greatest achievement in life is for a man or woman to realise the
purpose for which God has created him or her. There are very few
exemplary people around us, whose lives are shinning examples for us
to emulate. Pastor Elijah Sunday and Evangelist Funmilayo Oguntade
are two of such people. God has designed, positioned and purposed this
couple to positively influence and touch several lives.
Pastor Elijah Sunday Oguntade, the Assembly Pastor of Christ Apostolic
Church (CAC) Surrey Docks District HQ London and his gentle, amiable
wife Evangelist Funmilayo Oguntade have been married for over forty
years. In appreciation of God’s benevolence and guidance, typical of
their modest lifestyle, they have opted to celebrate their Ruby Jubilee
with a thanksgiving service and the release of this book, A TO Z OF
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS to guide and enrich others.
When l was offered the privilege to write the foreword in this book that
documents how this extraordinary, yet humble couple touched the lives
of many to mark their 40th wedding anniversary, I felt really honoured
and eventually became richer for it. The assignment afforded me the
opportunity to have a closer insight into how The Oguntades have lived
a purposeful life as directed by God.

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I have witnessed how Pastor Elijah Oguntade has exhibited how the
power of God can enable and enrich people as he embarks on series of
transformation work since assuming the role of Assembly Pastor of CAC
Surrey Docks District HQ London in the past one year, while being ably
supported by his formidable better half Evangelist Funmilayo Oguntade.
This book is timely and an essential guide for lasting relationships and
godly marriages, especially at a time when most marriages are facing
numerous challenges. According to the National Office of Statistics,
42% of marriages in England and Wales end up in divorce. The book,
narrates the experiences of keen observers and close associates
of these wonderful man and woman of God. A TO Z OF HEALTHY
RELATIONSHIPS is a must read, an important recipe for families and a
must have in all homes.
The couple have proven to many what the word of God said about two
becoming one. Matt.19:5b. “The two shall become one flesh” So Pastor
Elijah and Evangelist Funmilayo Oguntade are no longer two but one
flesh as they continue to work together in the vineyard of God.
This book is not just a prescription for a healthy marriage and relationship
but a compilation of the true testimonies of others who have known this
couple for many years and have been greatly touched by these wonderful
creations of God.
Oluyemi Taiwo one of his sons in the Lord has this to say, “Pastor Elijah
Sunday Oguntade is one transformational mentor that I will forever be
grateful to; my journey crossed his path, and I have enough juice to carry
me through my life’s journey.”
Pastor Soga wrote in his testimonial: “Marriage is an incredible gift of
God and both of you mummy Funmi and daddy Elijah Oguntade have
made the best use of this divine gift to humanity. Glory be to God for
such an amazing couple of great understanding worthy of emulation.”
Pastor T Olukoga and Pastor (Mrs)AOlukoga (JP) in a show of admiration
said: “Daddy and mummy Oguntade both have the spirit of humility and
live an exemplary life.

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We have known daddy and mummy Oguntade for over a decade, from
church members to family friends. They have a mission, vision for God’s
work and they also believe in accountability.”
Foluso and Bimpe Ologungbede also paid glowing tributes to the couple:
“An eagle has its place among birds. I have met ministers of God but
I can confidently say this couple are special breed. Their humility will
disarm you, they have a humane approach to everything no matter how
complicated or debilitating it may appear. They remain encyclopaedias
of knowledge and fountain of support to me and my household.”
I have truly been touched and blessed by the modesty and zeal of Pastor
Elijah and Evangelist Funmilayo Oguntade to the work of God in the last
one year that our paths have crossed.
This book will touch your life positively as it has touched mine and further
drawn me closer to God. A TO Z OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS will
help the youths to focus, the adults to choose the right partner and the
married to raise a good and godly family.
Pastor and Evangelist Oguntade, your life is a blessing to many, thank
you for this great gift. Your exemplary living serves as a shinning guide-
light for many on how to have a healthy relationship and how beneficial
it is to move closer to God.
I thank you on behalf of my family, those who have been touched and
all those whose lives will still be touched by the contents of this book
that documents your service to God and humanity. Our prayer is for
you, our beloved Pastor Elijah Sunday Oguntade and our lovely mummy
Funmilayo Oguntade to continue to enjoy a blissful married life till
eternity. Amen!
Mike Abiola
Publisher & Editor in Chief
African Voice Newspaper UK
PastorElijahSunday&EvangelistFunmilayoOguntade

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PREFACE
We have always referred to ourselves as the Jesus Couple and later
metamorphosed into the Jesus Family. We thank God for this great
privilege to fulfil our long-term dream of putting together these vital
ingredients that the Holy Spirit have taught us in the last 40 years of
our marriage and 45 years of our relationship. In this book, we will be
sharing with you some essential and indispensable ingredients that will
help you grow your relationships and maintain a peaceful, Holy Spirit
driven, biblical and healthy bond.
Man is a social being. We are created for fellowship and companionship.
The maker said, “It is not good for man (mankind) to be alone.” Man was
created to fellowship and relate first and foremost with God and also with
each other. We are designed for togetherness and oneness despite our
differences. We were designed to be at peace with our maker and each
other. Sin destroyed it all and the sacrifice of Christ restored it all.
This brief A to Z manual of maintaining Godly relationships applies to
various kinds of relationships but will to a large extent, be focussed on
families and couples. The family is the basic unit of every society and
kingdom living. Peace in the Kingdom must therefore begin at home; for
charity they say begins at home. Practical Christianity is modelled and
proving at home. The home being like a spiritual and character fitness
gym. Romans 14:17-18. To enjoy all round peace, you have to discover,
understand and apply kingdom principles. Some of these principles we
will share together with you in this book. These themes can not only
strengthen your relationships but also make them long lasting.
We thank God for the privilege and grace to share out of our few years
of practical experience in the marriage institution. We appreciate the
various churches and couples that have granted us the opportunities to
share many of these practical truths. We also appreciate our children
including our dear Son in the Lord – Mr. & Mrs Yemi Taiwo that have
contributed financially to the production of this booklet. I do appreciate
Mr. & Mrs Mike Abiola for their invaluable assistance and acceptance to
proof-read, write the forward, typeset and produce this booklet. Thanks
to everyone.
Pastor Sunday Elijah Oguntade

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A TO Z RELATIONSHIP BUILDERS IN BRIEF
Acceptance, Accessibility, Accolade, Accommodation, Accountability,
Acknowledgement, Activities, Admiration, Adoration, Affable, Affection,
Affirmation, Amiable, Apology, Appreciation, Approval, Assertiveness,
Assistance, Attachment, Attention, Attitude, and Attraction ……..etc
1. Acceptance – Acceptance is about tolerating the differences and
diversity in each other. It is to take each other as we are. This quality is
needed for peaceful and harmonious coexistence in every relationship in
the home, church, and community. Lack of acceptance has been a major
cause of many conflicts and divisions in the family and even in the larger
society. We must understand God created each of us as individuals
with our uniqueness and differences. We are also shaped biologically
through birth and heredity; socially by the kind of upbringing we have,
the environment we were brought up in, the attachment or lack of it, the
parenting, even our nationalities, race, ethnic group, culture, situations,
circumstances, experiences of life and the like. We should all respect the
uniqueness of one another. Acceptance in marriage or in any relationship
must be mutual. If both spouses don’t accept each other, they are going
to be in a constant conflict and struggle. Instead of trying to change your
spouse, consider growing up and changing yourself. Understand that
God called you to love your spouse no matter what. The bible says in
Romans 15:7 “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in
order to bring praise to God.” And also in Romans 14:1-2 “Accept the
one whose faith is weak, without quarrelling over disputable matters.
One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose
faith is weak, eats only vegetables.” And in Colossians 3:13, the bible
says “Bear with each other and forgive one another If any of you has a
grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

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2. Accessibility – Accessibility in relationship or marriage is making
ourselves easy to approach, reach, speak or converse with by others. It
is to make ourselves friendly, welcoming, pleasant, agreeable, affable,
and cordial. Conflicts in many relationships and especially in marriages
and homes can be traced to not being easily approachable. Let your
spouse, children and others be free to speak out, make comments, raise
issues, discuss with you without any form of fear. Many couples are
afraid to communicate with each other because of the fear of offence,
response and reactions. Be readily approachable, friendly, welcoming,
and pleasant. Not being accessible is indeed a very great barrier and
destroyer of good communication in marriage and other relationships.
3. Accolade –Accolade is the act of expressing praise to each other.
We should all practically form the habit of appreciating the goodness of
God in each other. Those who have successful, fulfilling marriages tend
to focus on each other’s strengths. This does not mean that a couple
should ignore everything that is unhealthy in a marriage. However, when
positive assets are identified, recognized, communicated, and valued
it is amazing how any undesirable qualities seem to fade away. No
relationship is perfect all of the time. But, when problems and weaknesses
become the focus of a relationship discouragement becomes the
norm. When partners find positive assets to build upon, the negative
experiences become less and less significant. See appreciation, praise
and celebration.
4. Accommodation - to change yourself or your behaviour to suit
another person. See the section on acceptance.
5. Accountability – This is accepting responsibility, behaviours,
and attitude for ensuring the promotion of peace and harmony in a
relationship. Your relationship as father, mother, husband, wife, friend,
Pastor, church member must be seen as God’s gift. We will all be held
accountable for the way we have maintained or abused our relationships.
6. Acknowledgement - Acknowledgement is recognition of what
you appreciate in your spouse. An expression of praise and compliment
is a demonstration of acknowledging the goodness and beauty in your
spouse.

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The three A’s Acceptance, Appreciation and Acknowledgement build
trust, create intimacy, and enhance relationships. Acknowledgement is
also very important in effective communication. When you acknowledge
what your spouse is saying, you are telling your spouse I am listening to
you and I am interested in you and what you are saying. In relationship
building, conveying our feelings is important. Acknowledgements help
us convey the feeling that we are engaged in the interaction; listening
and digesting.
7. Activities – Create activities of mutual interest or better still enjoy
moments of the activities loved by your spouse. It will help strengthen
your relationship and build intimacy. According to research by Dr.
John Gottman, long-term vitality and connection is maintained through
moments of intentional friendship woven throughout the course of your
relationship. Do fun things together during your free time. You both may
not often have the same interests, but you can enjoy time spent together
by engaging in one of yours interests. Be ready to invest in and sacrifice
for the sake of your relationship. You can actually research and explore
various team building activities and games you can engage in for the
benefit of your relationship.
8. Admiration –Admiration is the act of appreciating God’s goodness
in each other. See Appreciation, Accolade, Praise and celebration.
9. Adoration – To adore means to respect, love, admire, honour,
hold in high utmost esteem and to place high premium or value. You are
devoted and committed to that person. Adoration is an all-inclusive word
in relationship building.
10. Affable - friendly, good-natured, or easy to talk to. See accessible.
11. Affection – Affection is a feeling of liking and caring for someone.
Affection takes the loving relationship between a man and woman in
marriage into the deeper realm of tender expressions. It’s one that
results in feelings of closeness, passion, and security. Affection takes
work because it requires knowledge of what makes the other person
happy. You show affection when you perceive and appreciate what your
spouse needs and meet those needs in a way he or she can understand.

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Affection results in marital contentment, intimacy, satisfaction, and
anticipation. Affection demonstrates that you care about someone
and that you are willing to be there for them. Just as your body needs
regular, nutritious meals to thrive, your marriage needs frequent doses
of affection to grow. Realize that affection is a vital part of connecting
with your spouse. Know that it’s natural as a human being to long for
affection, because God has made you with a need to belong and give
and receive love. Research and statistics show that the marriages most
likely to end in divorce are those where expressions of affection and love
are lacking. We give affection through our words, doing kind actions,
holding hands in public or even across our dining room table. See Love
and Intimacy.
12. Affirmation – Positive Biblical but honest affirmations will breathe
newness of life into your marriage and relationships. This is the act of
positive biblical declarations and confession about your marriage and
spouse. Offer praise, respect and appreciation as you take notice of
your spouse. Your spouse longs to hear those words of affirmation from
you more than from anyone else. Speak well about your spouse and
marriage.
13. Amiable – This is a lifestyle of being friendly, kind, and pleasant.
The bible says in Proverbs 18:24, “A man who has friends must himself
be friendly…”
14. Apology – This is an acknowledgement that we have wronged
another person. The dictionary defines it as “an act of saying that you are
sorry for something wrong you have done”. An apology in your marriage,
or other relationship is more than simply saying, “I’m sorry.” An apology
is an attempt to admit you made a mistake, hurt someone’s feelings, did
something really hurtful, made a bad decision, or something else you
know is not right and a determination not to do it again. “I am sorry” is
not very effective when not followed with a determination by the help of
the Holy Spirit to stop the hurtful behaviour.
15. Appreciation – This is a recognition, acknowledgement, and
expression of the good qualities and deeds of your spouse, your
children, and others you are in relationship with. We all should learn the

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art of appreciating each other as husbands, wives, church members,
children, parents and the like. Appreciation is one of the keys to building
healthy relationships and it is never too late to appreciate each other.
Appreciation can help bring out the goodness, greatness and potential
of any relationship and re-ignite your love. Start by recognizing the
seemingly little deeds and things. A simple “Thank you” goes a long way.
16. Attachment - the capacity to form and maintain healthy emotional
bonds with another person. Healthy attachment is essential for balance
well rounded growth in our relationships.
17. Attention – This is the act of having a keen interest and taking
special notice of your spouse. Partners and couples should pay detailed
attention to the holistic wellbeing of the entire home and relationship.
Relationships Require Attention - Every Day and Every Minute!
18. Attitude – Phil.1:27a - Only let your conduct be worthy of the
gospel of Christ. The home is the test ground for the manifestation
of God’s goodness. It’s a common and true saying that your attitude
determines your altitude. Our life, character and attitudes are one of the
greatest vehicles of care in our homes. Practical Christianity is modelled
and proving at home. The home being like a spiritual and character
fitness gym. Our children and other members of the family can be more
imparted by our lives far more than our words. Actions indeed they say
speak louder than words. Prayerfully develop Godly attitudes to help
strengthen your bond of love. “Your attitude should be the same as that
of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 2:5. To follow Christ is “to be made new in
the attitude of your minds” (Ephesians 4:23) so that every action and
word is “helpful for building others up” (v. 29).
19. Attraction – This is the act of invoking or provoking interest in
your spouse. This is beyond mere looks. Work on and pay attention to
be attractive to your spouse by being kind and considerate, and taking
good care of your physical health, fitness, and hygiene. Work on being
attracted to your spouse by focusing on aspects that have eternal value
– such as his or her character – more than physical beauty that can
change over the years. Ask God to help you be content with your spouse
and feel constantly attracted to him or her.

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Beauty, Bear, Behaviour, Being There, Believe In Each Other, Belonging,
Best of Friends, Bless each other, Bliss, and Boundaries
B is for:
1. Beauty – Learn to appreciate the beauty of your spouse and
express it like King Solomon, Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are altogether
beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” And we should let our beauty
be more of inward not mere outward. 1 Peter 3:3-4. The outward beauty
will fade with age but inner beauty will remain attractive. So also all round
care of ourselves to remain attractive to our spouse is essential.
2. Behaviour – Your behaviour is the way in which you act or conduct
yourself, especially towards others. Always speak and act out kindness
and goodness to your spouse and others. It keeps you attractive to your
spouse. Bad and ungodly behaviour is one of the foremost relationship
destroyers. Godliness cannot be attained by our personal effort. It is
only made possible by a growing personal relationship with our Lord
Jesus Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit. Godly behaviour is the fruit
produced and empowered by the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22.
3. Being There – Always ensure you are there for your spouse and
the family. It’s soothing for one to know they can always have a shoulder
to cry on in troubled times. Be available to your spouse, children, friends
and family. The best of marriage and other relationships don’t have
people who are strong all the time. When one partner is weak the other
will be strong and able to support him/her. That’s why the bible says two
is better than one. Ecc.4: 10-12 – “Two are better than one, because
they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, one will lift up
his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no
one to help him up.

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Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one
be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can
withstand him.” It requires a husband and wife taking turns being strong
for each other in those moments when the other feels weak. Your spouse
should never have to face any obstacle without your full partnership,
encouragement and support. “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this
way you will fulfil the law of Christ.” Gal.6: 2. This is one of the powerful
paradoxes of the Christian life: When we share someone else’s pain, we
often shed some of our own. When we help others, we end up helping
ourselves. When we lift another’s burdens, ours lighten.
4. Belonging –Asense of belonging promotes healthy relationships.
Every member of the family should always be made to know they are a
vital and important part of the home or relationship. This helps cement
unity and oneness in the family. Belonging is a sense of fitting in or
feeling that you are an important member of a group. A close and stable
family gives each of its members a strong sense of belonging.
5. Believe In each other and in your relationship – This drives
every other thing in a relationship. Lots of people have lost all faith and
confidence in themselves and their relationship. Your faith in your spouse
is essential to the building of a healthy relationship and faith or belief in
the relationship determines how much each of you is ready and willing
to invest in the relationship. And more importantly is your faith and total
dependence on the Holy Spirit to sustain your relationship.
6. Best of Friends – Friendship is about affection, admiration,
companionship, intimacy, trust, togetherness and confidante. Intimate
friendship also determines your level of investment in the relationship.
The bible says, “A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17
7. Bless each other – People in relationship especially couples
and parents should release blessings upon their spouse, children and
parents. The power of declaring God’s words and blessing on your
spouse affect the destinies of the home and children especially.

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8. Bonding in Marriage Relationship - “Above all, love each other
deeply.” 1 Peter 4:8. Bonding refers to the emotional connectedness that
links a man and woman together for life and makes them irreplaceable
to each other. It is God’s gift of closest companionship to those who
have experienced it. According to Drs. Donald Joy and Desmond
Morris, bonding is most likely to occur between those who have moved
systematically and slowly through the following twelve steps during their
courtship and marriage: 1) Eye to body. 2) Eye to eye. 3) Voice to voice.
4) Hand to hand. 5) Hand to shoulder. 6) Hand to waist. 7) Face to face.
8) Hand to head. 9) Hand to body. 10) Mouth to breast. 11) Touching
below the waist. 12) Intercourse.
9. Boundaries – Setting healthy boundaries promote a very
strong bond in marriage and reduce the stress of constant conflicts.
Establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship allows both partners to
feel comfortable and develop positive self-esteem. In order to establish
boundaries, you need to be clear with your partner who you are, what
you want, your beliefs and values, and your limits. Boundary is that
line or limit which partners set to protect their marriage, and prevent
themselves from exploitation and manipulation. Boundaries enable you
to draw a line between you and your spouse and allocate ownership and
responsibility between you two.

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Care, Celebrate, Character, Choices, Clear Headedness, Closeness,
Collegiality, Commitment, Communication, Company, Concern,
Confession, Confidant, Conflict Resolutions, Connection, Considerate,
Conversation, Cooperation, Counsel, Counter Cultural, Creative, and
Curdle…
C is for
1. Care – Care for each other. The bible says we should watch out
for one another to provoke love and good works. – Hebrews 10:24.
2. Celebrate - People in relationship, as friends, couples, homes and
family members should learn to celebrate one another. It helps to build
confidence and a sense of belonging. Celebrate your spouse’s strengths
instead of pointing out weaknesses. When we focus on something, it
starts to seem bigger. If you choose to focus on your spouse’s strengths,
they’ll seem even bigger, but if you focus only on weaknesses and flaws,
you’ll see them even when they are not really there. If you must focus
on flaws, always start with your own flaws. You are the only part of the
relationship that you truly have the power to change. Always be willing
to build up your spouse instead of looking for ways to tear him/her down.
Celebrate together in the good times and lean on each other in the hard
times. Marriage is “for better or for worse.” Your marriage will experience
both extremes. When your spouse is happy, you should be the first to
share in the celebration. When your spouse is sad or even heartbroken,
you should be there for support. The bible says, “Be happy with those
who are happy, and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15

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3. Character – Character refers to the sum-total of our qualities and
characteristics, which are unique to us and helps us stand apart from the
rest. Good character promotes love and intimacy in every relationship.
Having good character means that you have such admirable traits as
honesty, leadership, trust, patience, responsibility and courage. It is
beneficial for you to have good character. Godliness with contentment,
the bible says is great gain or is profitable. 1 Timothy 6:6. Develop Godly
Character by the help of the Holy Spirit. It is a strong fence of defence
for your relationship. Godliness is the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit in
the life of a Christian. A person with a good character finds acceptance
wherever he goes and respected by all. Godliness is a God-centred life.
It grows, not through the pursuit of a process, but through the presence
of a person. Jesus Christ is the mystery of godliness (1 Timothy 3:16).
His presence in your life is your hope of becoming the person God calls
you to be. Character formation is helped by tapping God’s means of
grace and spiritual disciplines of constant prayer, reading, studying,
meditation on the word of God, fellowship etc.
4. Choices – Depend on the Holy Spirit to make Godly choices in
your relationships and especially the home. The choices we make in life
make or break us. You can create freedom in your life and relationship
by making the right decisions.
5. Clear and Cool Headedness – This is the ability to think clearly
and soundly in difficult situations. The Bible says we have as Christians
have a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7. When talking to your partner, do not
needlessly start arguments. Not only does this cause strain, but also it
makes your partner feel inferior to you. If something comes up that angers
you, take a moment to collect your thoughts, and try to see it from their
perspective. Often you can prevent yelling matches by simply asking a
few extra questions.Allow them to explain before jumping to conclusions.
The bible says a soft word, gentle answer, soothing response stops
anger. Proverbs 15:1,4. Clear and Cool headedness limits conflicts,
unhealthy arguments and strife in the home and relationships.
6. Closeness – See intimacy.

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7. Commitment – The bible says in Romans 12:10, “Be devoted
to one another in love”. This is a willingness to invest time, energy and
resources to someone that you believe in. Stakeholders in a relationship
must be passionate enough to intentionally invest all they are and have
to the relationship and their spouse. The strength of your commitment
will determine the strength of your marriage. See Devotion.
8. Communication – This is defined as exchange of information
by speaking, writing, or behaviour (body language). Communication
is an important part of any relationship. Successful marriage partners
communicate as much as possible. They discuss about their children
needs and schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills. But they don’t stop
there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties. They
discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls.
This essential key cannot be overlooked because honest, forthright
communication becomes the foundation for so many other things we
have discussed in this A to Z. Without effective communication, the
relationship will not last and will not be rewarding. Verbal communication
is not the only type of communication that is involved in a relationship.
Communication of love, affection, sympathy, concern, and appreciation
are also very important forms of communication in any relationship. It is
essential for everyone in relationship to be able to express effectively
their feelings, what they believe in, thoughts, opinions, interests, and
views without fear in an environment which is safe, supportive, accepting,
and loving; one that is totally free of judgment, criticism, alienation, and
anguish. Good communication is facilitated by trust, commitment, and
respect. How well you communicate has a direct correlation to the
success of your relationship. Your marriage will never rise above the level
of your expressions. A majority of fights erupt due to miscommunication
or a lack of communication. Being able to talk to each other is a key
element in problem solving and making sure that your partner knows
what is going on in your head or mind. They can’t read your mind and vice
versa. When people stop communicating, relationships grow stagnant,
and gradually die. See conversation.

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9. Company, Companion – Companionship is one of the key
purposes of relationship. It means the fact or condition of being with
another or others, especially in a way that provides friendship, fellowship
and association. God said, it is not good for man to be alone. And so He
made for him a suitable companion and helpmate.
10. Compliment – Compliment is a polite expression of praise or
admiration for one another. Give constant compliments to each other.
Give compliments to everyone in your relationship as Parents, Children,
Husbands, Wives, Pastors, Members, friends, and so on and so
forth. When you receive a compliment, it makes you feel great about
yourself and it can really make your day, but how good are you at giving
compliments to your partner? 1. It will show that you notice what they
do. 2. It reaffirms your attraction to your partner. 3. It provides motivation.
A little compliment, here and there, will inspire your partner to try even
harder the next time. 4. It will build self-confidence. When you receive
compliments at home, it can build your confidence in all aspects of your
life.5. It makes the relationship a more positive one. A Relationship that
is filled with mutual compliments will be a far more positive relationship
than one filled with constant criticism. 7. You’ll get more compliments in
return. 8. It will make him more creative. 9. It will cultivate an atmosphere
of appreciation and gratitude. 10. It’s an easy way to make your partner
feel good. A compliment will only take few seconds to make, but it will
make your partner feel good and he’ll feel great for the rest of the day. It’s
easy to do, it costs you nothing, and it will do you both the world of good,
so why wouldn’t you give your partner a compliment when he deserves
one?
11. Complement – It is to be a suitable helper in your relationship.
Being the cover for the deficiencies and weaknesses of each other.
12. Compromise – It is an art of sacrifice, giving up your rights,
shifting your stands especially in a conflict. Compromise is an inherent
part of a relationship. You will have to sacrifice in a relationship. That’s
the nature of relationships. If you want your way all of the time, stay
solo. It’s about finding a healthy balance in compromise. The bible says
in Philippians 2:3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count
others more significant than yourselves.

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13. Concern – It means to view your spouse as important or valuable.
People in relationship should be concerned about each other. You have
great concerns about people you love in your life because you value
them.
14. Conduct – Be good to each other and your relationship. Follow
the footsteps of Christ in all your conduct. Philippians 2:3-8; 1 John 2:6.
See attitude, behaviour and Character.
15. Confession – Negatively speaking, confession is to admit,
take ownership of our wrong actions, deeds or words. Most of us are
uncomfortable admitting our fallibility, which is rather odd because
we’re all imperfect. The apostle John challenges our reluctance: “If we
claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the
truth” (1 John 1:8). This is an attitude of openness and trust. The bible
admonishes us to confess our sins to each other. But in a positive sense,
confession is agreeing and declaring what the word of God has said
concerning your marriage or relationship. It is having a biblical mind-set
and declarations concerning your relationship, marriage, and spouse.
Regular confession of wrongs and the biblical declarations strengthens
our relationship and marriage.
16. Confidant – You have to be able to trust your spouse enough to
confide in them. And people in relationship must be trustworthy and not
abuse or breach the trust.
17. Conflict Resolutions – There is bound to be moments of conflict
in any relationship. Issues must be resolved as soon as possible without
scars.
18. Connection – Remain connected. See bonds and attachment
19. Considerate – Consideration is kindness and thoughtful regard
for others, or an act of thoughtfulness. People in relationship have to
be considerate of their partners. The bible says in Philippians 2:3, “Do
nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others
as more important than yourselves.” Thoughtfulness is a source of fuel
that keeps a marriage going strong.

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The bible says, “Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do.”
Philippians 4:5.
20. Contentment – Contentment is very vital in the maintenance of
a Godly relationship. Contentment the bible says is a great gain. Each
member in the relationship needs to have a thorough conviction that the
spouse or others in the relationship are God ordained. As God ordains
the path of the righteous. We need to be contented with God’s provisions
(wife, husband, children etc) for us. Lack of contentment is the reason
for so many marriage unfaithfulness and divorce.
21. Conversation – The dictionary defines conversation as a talk
between two or more people in which thoughts, feelings, and ideas are
expressed, questions are asked and answered, or news and information
is exchanged. A good marriage thrives on the open exchange of emotion,
desires, and beliefs. In fact, communication is one of the most important
aspects of a satisfying marriage. Intentional daily intimate conversation
can accomplish a number of things including improving intimacy, draw
you closer together, voice troubles, problems, or concerns before they
become major issues, Express wants or needs to one another. Provide
encouragement to one another, Spur each other on to love and good
works (Heb. 10:24), Resolve conflicts, Provides opportunity to pray and
bless each other, Express your emotions to each other and etc. See
Communication.
22. Cooperation - Cooperation is about working together to achieve
a mutually beneficial outcome. Relationship or Marriage is a partnership
and not just two people living in the same roof. Cooperation not
competition strengthens the underlying fabric of relationship through
balanced interchange, open communication and mutual understanding.
Cooperation, Partnership, unity, and togetherness are the basis for
building an effective relationship involving two or more people. The bible
says in 1 Corinthians 1:10 “I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our
Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no
divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same
mind and in the same judgment”

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That’s a picture of two people whose hearts are set on similar things, their
minds work together, their plans are the same, and their objectives are
the same. That’s cooperation, and that’s how relationship and marriage
should work.
23. Counsel – In multitude of counsel there is safety and also God’s
people and their relationships perish when there is no Godly counsel.
Proverbs 13:10; 15:22. The bible also enjoins us to admonish each other.
Romans 15:14. Biblical counselling is very helpful in the maintenance of
a healthy relationship. It’s great to seek biblical counselling before things
get out of hands.
24. Creative – People in relationships and especially in a home. They
must look for creative ways of expressing love to one another including
creative ways of using playtime, activity times, etc.

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Daring, Dating, Decisions, Dedication, Dependence, Determination,
Deposits, Discovery, and Dutiful
D is for
1. Daring – We should be boldly adventurous in maintaining a
healthy relationship. Look for creative ways of enjoying your relationship.
They are not meant to be boring.
2. Dating – It’s great and creative to take your spouse on occasional
dates. Keep dating each other. Make time in your schedules regularly to
go on dates together so you can enjoy fun and relaxing time, just the
two of you. Keep in mind that your dates don’t have to be complicated or
expensive. Your marriage can benefit from dates as simple as evening
walks around your neighbourhood or lunches out while the children are
in school or on play dates.
3. Decisions – Vital major decisions that have lasting effect on the
family should be made jointly as a couple with Jesus at the centre of
it all. Sharing responsibility for decision-making is one of the master
keys to success in marriage and relationships. If either of you takes
on a dominating role or expect to make all the major decisions in your
marriage, your marriage will certainly suffer. Pray and work towards a
marriage that has mutuality, negotiation, open sharing of thoughts and
opinions and respect for each other’s point of view.
4. Dedication – Couples should dedicate their relationship and
home to God. He can never fail. The Apostle Paul said, “I know whom
I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have
committed to Him until that Day. (2 Timothy 1:12). Couples should also
be dedicated to their relationships.

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This is a willingness to give a lot of time and energy to your relationship
because it is important and precious to you both. Next to God is our
marriage and home. Our relationship takes priority over every other thing
in our lives next to our commitment to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
5. Determination – This is the quality that you show when you
have decided to do something and you will not let anything stop you.
Determination is needed for success in everything in life especially in
maintaining and overcoming various barriers in relationship building.
Determination strengthens commitments & fosters long-term success.
6. Dependence on the Power of the Holy Spirit and His grace
7. Deposit Good Deeds and Kindness and your love bank will grow
8. Devotion - The bible says in Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one
another in love”.
9. Different - Be determined and intentional about making your
relationship to be different in an ungodly world where relationships don’t
seem to work. When we look around at our culture, it’s apparently normal
for a couple to be unhappy, disconnected and eventually divorced. If you
want your marriage to be healthy and happy, you must be countercultural
at times. Be willing to do things others don’t seem willing to do. Base
your value system on God’s timeless truths instead of the world’s false
ideas. “Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God
transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” Romans
12:2A (NLT).
10. Discover
11. Dutiful

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Edification, Education, Emotions, Empathy, Encouragement, Endurance,
Enjoyment, Entertainment, Enthusiasm, Etiquette, Equality, Excellence,
Excitement, Expectations, And Experiment
E is for:
1. Edification – Build up and develop each other towards a fulfilling
goal. Invest in the development of each other in every way spiritually,
socially, academically, professionally… Seek to make your relationship
better by making each other better. The bible says in 1 Thessalonians
5:11, “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another.” and also
Hebrews 3:13 – “But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; “
2. Education
3. Emotions
4. Empathy
5. Encourage Each Other – The necessity of encouragement is a
repetitive theme in God’s Word. Ephesians 4:29 tells us, “Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those
who listen.” And 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one
another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” Hebrews
3:13 instructs, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called
today…” Encouragement in marriage is simply expressing to one’s
spouse, “I believe in you.” This is accomplished both verbally and non-
verbally.

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The act of encouraging is not about instructing your partner on what
to do about a problem. It doesn’t include giving advice, offering tips for
improving in the future, or uttering devastating words such as “You really
should have known better than to make that foolish mistake” or “Get over
it.” Instead, encouragement is a participation game. When you stand
alongside your mate and share his or her troubles, you’ve become an
exceptional source of courage, hope, and happiness.
6. Endurance
7. Enjoyment
8. Entertainment
9. Enthusiasm
10. Etiquette
11. Equality
12. Excellence
13. Excitement
14. Expectations – Wrong expectations in marriage and relationship
has ruined quite a lot of homes. It is beneficial to have the right
expectations when you get into a marriage or many relationships. We
must understand, we are all different
15. Experiment

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Faithfulness, Fellowship, Fidelity, Flexibility, Flirt with your wife, Forgive
And Forget, Forthright, and Friendly
F is for:
1. Faithfulness - Faithfulness – Confidence, Trustworthiness like
Jesus Heb.3: 2; Be dependable/obedient in all our practices Lk.16:10-
12. Faithfulness is A promise (Rom.3:3; lam.3:23) to keep one’s word,
and do one’s best (1 Th.1:3) with a servant attitude focused on the
Master’s approval (Matt.25:21). Watch out for Weariness, laziness,
procrastination and discouragement.
2. Fellowship
3. Fidelity
4. Flexibility
5. Flirt with your wife - Flirting or coquetry is a social and sexual
behaviour involving verbal or written communication, as well as body
language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper
relationship with the other person, or if done playfully, for amusement.
Never stop flirting with your spouse and never start flirting with anyone
else! “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold
it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your
necklace.” Song Of Solomon 4:9 (NLT)

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6. Forgive And Forget - An attitude of forgiveness is indispensably
essential in the maintenance of every relationship. Offences will always
happen once in a while. We are bound to offend each other. The Bible
commands us to learn forgiveness in the home. Colossians 3:13 Bear
with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance
against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Ephesians 4:31- 32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along
with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
7. Forthright
8. Friendly- ...Be Friends First! Friendship keeps us in relationships
far longer than lust! Learn about each other, ask millions of questions;
spend lots of time together. Recognise your Fears and deal with them.
Have Fun in a big way! And as much of the time as you can. Focus on
the good in your life and relationship rather than wasting hours dwelling
on the not so good.

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Gaze Into Each Others Eyes, understand Gender Differences, Generous,
Gentleness, Genuineness, Gift Giving, Godliness, Goodness, Goodwill,
Gorgeous, Graceful, Gracious, Gratefulness, Grit, and Grow together
Holistically
G is for:
1. Gaze Into Each Others Eyes
2. Gender Differences - Understand and work with gender
differences. Realize that both you and your spouse want the same
thing – to enjoy a close marriage – but that you each have different
ways of trying to achieve that goal. Understand that men want to be
sexually satisfied, to know that they’re respected, to enjoy recreational
experiences with their wives, to feel comfortable sharing their dreams
and fears with their wives, and to know that their wives are rooting for
them as they face life’s challenges. Understand that women want good
communication with their husbands, to have their husbands anticipate
and meet their needs, to have their husbands take the time to participate
in their world, to get plenty of affection, and to feel their husbands’
support. Have a thorough understanding of the changing roles of men
and women in relationships due to changing values, economy and social
implications.
3. Generous - Generosity and Goodwill will tied you through tough
times. Give them the benefit of the doubt - and be generous with yourself
- be generous with your spirit and your heart, not just your money.
Grow together. As your life progresses, explore new dimensions, be
adventurous and share new experiences.

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4. Gentleness
5. Genuineness
6. Gift Giving
7. Godliness
8. Goodness
9. Goodwill
10. Gorgeous
11. Graceful
12. Gracious
13. Gratefulness - It’s well said that It’s not happy people who are
thankful; it’s thankful people who are happy. Choose to say “Thank you”
to your spouse for all he/she does and always remember to say “Thank
you” to your Lord and Saviour for all He has done. Let gratitude replace
grumbling in your marriage. The next time you feel like complaining
about your spouse or your relationship stop and give thanks that you
have a relationship, children, home, or marriage. The bible says “Give
thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)
14. Grit – Grit is about being courageous, resolute and being strong
in character. Your strength of character is developed as grow spiritually
in the things of God. You become more and more like God as you get
close and intimate with in your personal relationship with our Lord Jesus
Christ. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 3:18, “And we, who with unveiled
faces all reflect the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into His
image with intensifying glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the
Spirit.”

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15. Grow together Holistically – Your relationship is strengthened
as you individually and together continue to grow more intimately with
our Lord Jesus Christ. Keep learning, growing, and adjusting together.
During every new day of your marriage that God gives you and your
spouse, choose to follow God as he leads you on new adventures, so
you both can become the people God intends you to become.
Habits, Happiness, Hard work, Healthiness, Helpful, Hilarious, Hold
Hands, Honesty, Honour, Hopeful, Hug A Lot, and Humility,
H is for:
1. Habits - Your habits will shape your marriage, so keep the right
habits and quit unhealthy habits, they are relationship destroyers.
Keep being thoughtful. Keep writing love notes. Keep doing the things
you did at the beginning of the relationship and adding new marriage-
building habits to the old ones. Don’t let your marriage get on autopilot,
because anything left on autopilot will eventually crash! Remember that
consistency is a very powerful force in a marriage or relationship. Make
sure you are consistently doing the right things. The bible says, “So let’s
not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a
harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

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2. Happiness - ...Be Happy! In yourself and with life and show others
you are happy. Be Honest - with yourself and others and give the ones
you love in your life lots of Hugs - it boosts everyone’s immune system.
3. Hard Work – Maintaining a relationship requires hard work. All
members in the relationship have to be intentional about putting in lots
of work and time in the power of the Holy Spirit.
4. Healing Words - “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life.”
Proverbs 15:4. Let your words to each other and your relationship be
seasoned with salt Colossians 4:6. One key to building trust is to take
great care not to hurt or embarrass those we love.
5. Healthiness
6. Helpful
7. Hilarious
8. Hold Hand
9. Honesty - Honesty is the best policy no matter where you go, and
the same goes for in a relationship. Humans make mistakes, and we are
all humans. No one likes being deceived or lied to. You want to make
sure you know the person that you are investing your time into. Honesty
plays a key role in getting to know someone and this goes hand in hand
with being able to trust them and being trustworthy. Honesty and trust
become the foundation for everything healthy in a marriage.
10. Honour – Value, Respect and Honour your spouse and your
relationship. The bible says, “Be kindly affectionate to one another with
brotherly love, in honour giving preference to one another;” Each of
us has a heartfelt need to be honoured and respected. All too often,
however, we take our spouses for granted at home. No wonder many
men and women stay long at work to find the recognition, accolades, and
praise they don’t get from their mates. If we don’t make our mate feel
honoured and respected, we may find our partner looking for recognition
somewhere else.

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We are however, able to honour each other and our relationship as
we first and foremost learn to honour God in our lives. Honour for God
is foundational to the fulfilment of all our relationship and marriage
obligations. “Those who honour me I will honour.” 1 Samuel 2:30
11. Hopeful – Hope, faith and optimism play a major role in the
stability of relationships. Keep hope alive in your relationship. Never give
up on your spouse and your God. Your complete hope is neither in man
nor your spouse but in God, the originator of marriage. Let’s confess with
the Psalmist, Psalm 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and
in His word do I hope.
12. Hug a lot - Hugs between loved one’s increase feelings of
attachment, bonding, connection, trust and intimacy. Hugging also help
provide a sense of belonging and acceptance. A simple hug can boost
our self-esteem and self-worth. When one is hugged, they feel loved and
special. The nurturing touch of hugs help to increase trust and builds
a sense of safety and security, especially in romantic relationships.
Hugs can help with open and honest communication between two
people. Science says, that couples that hug more are more likely to stay
together. Hugs help a woman to feel more comforted and protected,
especially when feeling in a negative mood, in addition to helping them
feel more appreciated. Hugs have also been shown to have a ‘civilizing’
effect on men, helping to make them more affectionate and better at
forming relationships and social bonding. Also, the good news for both
men and women in relationships, is that regular hugs from a partner
has been shown to increase libido and also sexual performance in men.
And for women, Oxytocin levels are said to be elevated during a hug or
embrace.
13. Humour – This is the quality of hour. A sense of humour is an
attractive trait. Treat your relationship with some dosages of humour, it
will help spice it up.
14. Humility - We all have weaknesses and relationships always
reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth.

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An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit
that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will
need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will
bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving
forward. If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write
down three things that your partner does better than you – that simple
exercise should help you stay humble. Repeat as often as necessary.
The bible says in 1 Peter 5:5, “Clothe yourselves in humility toward one
another”. Romans 12:10, “Give preference to one another in honour”
and in Philippians 2:3, “Regard one another as more important than
yourselves”. Don’t be haughty: be of the same mind (Romans 12:16).
Pastor Elijah Sunday & Evangelist Funmilayo Oguntade

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Identity, Indifference, Industrious, Inspire, Intentional, Interest, Intimacy,
and Intrigue Each Other,
I is for:
1. Identity
2. Indifference
3. Industrious
4. Inspire
5. Intentional
6. Interest
7. Intimacy - Intimacy is defined as: a close, familiar, affectionate and
loving personal relationship; detailed knowledge or deep understanding
of something; the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar with
someone. Marital intimacy encompasses being known on all levels:
physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual and sexual. Intimacy both
creates and requires mutual trust and acceptance. It is the avenue
to achieving a sense of “oneness” in your marriage. This means that
we care enough and are comfortable enough to share all aspects of
ourselves. We feel the desire to open our soul to someone who cares
enough about us to understand and support us fully in most everything
we do. Intimacy implies vulnerability: We are willing to show parts of
ourselves we are not so sure about — our weaknesses, our neuroses,
and the things we like least about ourselves. We feel down deep that the
ones we choose to have in our lives know us and accept warts, all and
us.
8. Intrigue Each Other

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Jealousy, Joke, Jovial, and Joy
J is for:
1. Guide, guard and protect your relationship Jealously
2. Joke And Laugh And Have Fun
3. Joy - Joyful. Go through your life being joyful about life and your
relationships - even if it’s not as perfect as you would like. Joint activities
help keep you together - play and have fun times together. Gladness,
a rejoicing spirit. Rom.15:13; 1 Pet.1:8. Joy is a predetermined attitude
(Phil.4:4) of praise of God’s goodness (Ps.5:11) by maintaining and
eternal focus (ps.16:11) in the midst of difficulty (heb.12:22). We have a
God who loves us more than we love our children or even ourselves—a
God who sent His Son to die for us and who has prepared a place in
eternity just for us. He is indeed a God of joy—and we have much to be
joyful about!

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Kindness, Kissing and being knitted together in love
K is for:
1. Kindness – Be Kind to each other and yourself! We often travel
through our days being kind to complete strangers and when we arrive
home, we turn into monsters! Because now we can ‘relax’ and in the
process we forget basic gentleness and kindness. Goodness and
Integrity. Christians are called to strive for Col.3:1-2. Righteousness –
Titus 3:4-5. Kindness is a tender spirit purposely expressed (Rom.2:4)
and sacrificially given (Eph.2:7) especially to the underserving. (Tit.3:4).
Watch out for a judgmental spirit
2. Kiss
3. Knitted

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Laugh, Learn, Let Go, Listen, Love, and Loyalty
L is for:
1. Laugh - Laugh lots! Lighten up - life’s too short! Even in seasons
of struggles and pain, strong couples make it a priority to laugh together.
They’ve learned that while they won’t always “feel” happy, they can
always have a joy that transcends the circumstances. Choosing to laugh
together isn’t being blind towards the difficulties. Rather, it’s a faith-
filled declaration that, “We will get through this! Nothing can steal our
joy. Because of Christ, all our pain is temporary and all our joy will be
eternal!” No wonder the bible says, “Always be full of joy in the Lord. I
say it again—rejoice!” Philippians 4:4
2. Learn - Keep Learning - it’s the purpose of life. Learning helps
you grow and develop; keeps you interesting and interested; fills you
with wonder.
3. Let Go – Lear to forgive and forget hurts
4. Lighten up -
5. Listen to each other

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6. Love – Love yourself and each other unconditionally. 1 Corinthians
13. The bible says, “Let all that you do be done in love” 1 Corinthians
16:14. “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other,
for love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) This verse is pretty
straightforward. We tend to overcomplicate our relationships, but if we’ll
just love each other deeply, truly, selflessly and wholeheartedly, love
tends to overpower the imperfections and flaws we all have.
7. Loyalty – Be loyal

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Magic Moments, Marvel, Memories, Mend ways, Mentor, Minister, and
Monogamous
M is for:
1. Magic Moments – Keep track of your magic and happy moments.
These glorious moments pass us by each day and we forget hundreds
of them. Keep a book in which you write all those precious moments. In
times of difficulty you can open it up and relive those moments and your
body chemistry will change so you feel better. Have a massage once a
week to eliminate stress - massage each other as well! Make Memories!
Create situations that will be special events in your life - times that will
become treasured memories of wonderful times. Live out your and your
partner’s fantasies!
2. Marvel - Marvel At Each Other’s Skills And Success
3. Memories – Cherish and keep your good memories
4. Mend ways – Mend ways as soon as possible. Don’t allow pains
and hurts to linger on for too long
5. Mentor – Let your relationship, marriage, and home be models
for younger ones. It will help to keep your relationship in checks. And
cultivate good spiritual mentors for your relationship. They come very
handy in challenging times.
6. Minister – minister, teach, reach out to each other’s needs.
7. Monogamous- Be monogamous both physically and mentally.

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Natural, Neat, Newness, Niceness, Non-Verbal Communication, and
Nurture Each Other’s Soul
N is for:
1. Naked - By nakedness in marriage, we mean openness,
truthfulness, intimacy, transparency, trust, vulnerability, friendship,
mutual fulfilment, true love, amazing sex, unity and togetherness. The
bible says, “Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no
shame.” (Genesis 2:25). This is indeed God’s design and intention for
marriage. Please don’t settle for anything less. A Marriage counselling
expert said, “Having a “Naked Marriage’ is about much more than just
nakedness in the bedroom (although that’s part of the fun). It means being
naked emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. It also means
undressing all the misconceptions our culture has used to cover God’s
original, beautiful design for marriage and rediscovering all marriage can
be. You and your spouse can have a thriving, Naked Marriage with a
lifetime of love and laughter together”. Men, especially, are often reluctant
to share feelings and fears with their wives, yet openness fosters trust
and intimacy. Sharing thoughts is vital to a healthy, secure marriage.
How can a wife feel safe or valued if she’s left guessing about what her
husband is really thinking and feeling?
2. Natural – It means to be who you are, the person God has
created, to be real rather than fake or ingenuine in all your relationship –
physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

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3. Neat – This means to make yourself attractive in and out in the
relationship. All forms of dirtiness distract and repel everyone around
you including God.
4. Newness – This is one of the great qualities of God’s love we all
should emulate in our relationship. It is new and steadfast every morning.
(Lamentations 3:22-23). Renew and Refresh your love for God and each
other every morning.
5. Niceness – Just be nice to each other and the relationship
6. Non-Verbal Communication – These includes pitch, speed, tone
and volume of voice, gestures and facial expressions, body posture,
stance, and proximity to the listener, eye movements and contact, and
dress and appearance. They all speak volume of love and kindness to
your spouse and around the house. The mood you wear and your body
language many times dictates and determines the atmosphere around
the house and in the relationship. Cultivate the habit of radiating peace,
joy, happiness and all round goodness in relationship and marriage
constantly.
7. Nurture Each Other’s Soul - Nurture yourself, your partner AND
the relationship to keep it alive.

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Obedience, Oneness, Openness, Optimistic, and Ostentatious
O is for:
1. Obedience - Obedience to God and mutual submission to each
other is foundational to successful relationship. Our submission to God is
rooted in our obedience to God. We love, care fore, do acts of kindness
to each other, patient, trust, forgive, tolerate in obedience to God. Biblical
obedience to God means to hear, trust, submit and surrender to God
and his Word. The bible says, we should submit to one another out of
reverence to Christ. Ephesians 5:21.
2. Oneness – When the man of God joins the couple together in
a holy wedlock, they actually begin a journey of fusing together as a
couple. This is actually the miracle of two separate individually unique
personalities becoming one. The bible says in Genesis 2:24, “For this
reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to
his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Oneness is more than a mere
mingling of two humans—it’s a tender merger of body, soul, and spirit.
Being one does not mean that we have to think and act exactly alike,
always agree on everything. God intentionally and creatively made us
different in many aspects. But being one as husband and wife means to
be unified and committed to one another. The Hebrew word for oneness
means to be united, unified together when action is taken, and a one-
time thing. Oneness leaves room for there to be diversity within that
unity. We can be different. Indeed, God created us to be so—and still be
unified.

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3. Openness – being transparent - Now the man and his wife were
both naked, but they felt no shame.“ (Genesis 2:25). I love the idea of a
“naked marriage”! God’s original design for marriage was perfect and it
included a lot of naked time which not only points to the sexual aspect of
a marriage relationship but also the “nakedness” that needs to happen
on an emotional and spiritual level. Openness in your communication
reduces misunderstandings and conflict. (See Nakedness).
4. Optimistic - Be Optimistic. It makes you more fun to live with;
boosts your immune system; reduces stress; and generally makes life
easier.
.
Partnership, Passion, Patience, Peace, Persistence, Perspectives, Play,
Polite, Praise, Prayer, Present, Prioritise your spouse and relationship,
Proactive, Protect, Proximity, and Purity
P is for:
1. Partnership – Together we will make it has been our family
slogan from our courtship days. A husband and wife must function like
two wings on the same bird. They must work together in harmony or the
marriage will never get off the ground. It’s two people committing their
lives to God first and to each other. It’s a promise to be there for each
other through every season. It’s a vow to bring out the best in each other
and to always have each other’s back. It’s a selfless act of placing the
needs of your spouse ahead of your own need. When both spouses
consistently do this for the other, the marriage will soar!
2. Passion – We are motivated and driven to put in all we are into

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our relationship by the level of passion we have for God, each other and
the relationship. Wikipedia defined Passion as “… a feeling of intense
enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something.
Passion can range from eager interest in or admiration for an idea,
proposal, or cause; to enthusiastic enjoyment of an interest or activity; to
strong attraction, excitement, or emotion towards a person.”
3. Patience – Patience and Forgiveness are inevitable in any
relationship, because no one is perfect. Successful marriage partners
learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They
humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their
partner. They do not bring up past errors to hold their partner hostage.
And they do not seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes
occur. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him
or her. It will set your heart and relationship free. The bible says in Col
3:12-15, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender
mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with
one another, forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against
another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above
all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the
peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one
body; and be thankful. Know from the outset that you will not always
get your way and that it wouldn’t be good if you did.” Surrender to the
Holy Spirit to produce all the aspects of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in us.
Endurance, Steadfastness, Longsuffering. Shown in bearing troubles
(Col.1:11). Slowness to avenge wrong (Rom.2:4). Patience is a learned
attitude (Col.1:11) revealed through a joyful willingness (Jam.1:2) to
remain under difficulty (Jam.1:3-4) in order to learn God’s lessons.
4. Peace - Peace – Harmony, Concord, Security. Peace is a
settled confidence of mind (Phil.4:7) from a right relationship with God
(Phil.4:9) unaffected by circumstantial change (Jam.5:11). Seek, pursue
peace, unity, oneness and togetherness in your home. The Apostle Paul
instructs us, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably
with all men” (Romans 12:18). Peaceful and heaven-on-earth marriages
and homes come at great costs but it is powered by the Holy Spirit. We
are called to Pursue peace. Heb.12:14; 1 Pet.3:11; Rom.12:18. Watch
out for worry.

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5. Perspectives - Taking the other person’s perspective - Stepping
away from our model of the world allows us to take our ego out of play.
This transforms our interactions into transactions, bringing us to a place
where both partners are involved in the give and take. Taking another
person’s perspective also deflects many issues around power and
control, which are often central to the kind of competitive relationship
prompted by compromise and fostered by a lack of cooperation.
6. Play – Couples and members of the family should have quality
time not only to pray together but also to play together. This helps
intimacy and promote togetherness, peace and joy in relationship and
family. Humour serves a couple by providing the space to lighten up
the relationship so that neither takes what the other said or did, or the
current situation, so personally.
7. Polite - ...Politeness is often forgotten once we are in a
relationship! We are polite and delightful to complete strangers all day
long and then we come home and become pigs! Play together - it’s
critical! Don’t be too mature all the time - be silly and play sport or games
(as in cards, charades etc) as a family and notice the bonding. Where
are your priorities? Work or home? Do you have time for a relationship
at the end of the day? Do your hobbies absorb all your spare time with
none left for the relationship? Patience will help you travel a long way on
the path of contentment. Patience with yourself and others. Give each
other Permission to be who you really are and to live according to his/her
own values and beliefs.
8. Praise – Learn to appreciate each other verbally in relationship.
Couples should learn not only to say “thank you” but to actually give
praise for little acts
9. Prayerful – The family who prays together indeed they say stays
together. The Bible says, “For where two or three come together in my
name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20. Prayer is total dependence
on God. Prayer is the key that unlocks divine provisions to sustain your
relationship.

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Don’t misunderstand—prayer when you are alone, with a friend, in
a Bible study, or in church is extremely important and valued just as
much by our heavenly Father. But there is something special about
prayer between husband, wife, and God that can’t be found elsewhere.
It creates a spiritual connection, accountability, and a holy bond that
brings strength and stability to the relationship. It can even allow you to
communicate about sensitive issues that might otherwise never come
out—issues that can be discussed and prayed over in a spirit of humility
and purity of motive.
10. Present – Being fully present. See Available and Being there.
11. Prioritise your spouse and relationship - Treat your spouse like a
priority; not like an interruption.
12. Protect – If you really passionately love your relationship, you
will protect it. The little things in marriage can make a big difference!
Small acts of thoughtfulness done with great consistency can make a
massive positive impact in a marriage. Conversely, seemingly small
negative actions or habits can erode intimacy and eventually stifle a
marriage altogether. Watch out for those “little foxes” that seem relatively
harmless. Don’t let them make their way into your home. Protect your
marriage from negative thoughts, negative influences, negative habits
or negativity in any size or form. “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes,
before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!”
Song of Solomon 2:15 (NLT)
13. Proximity
14. Purity

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Qualitative and Quantitative time, Quiet each others fears, and Quorum
Q is for:
1. Qualitative and Quantitative time
2. Quicken
3. Quiet each others fears
4. Quorum
Readiness, Realistic, Relate, Reliability, Relive, Renew, Reputation,
Resilience, Respect, Responsibility, Rest, Restore, and Romance

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R is for:
1. Readiness
2. Realistic
3. Relate
4. Reliability
5. Relive
6. Renew
7. Reputation
8. Resilience
9. Respect - Respect literally means, “regard,” or “to look back at.”
Respect says, “What I see in you I hold as just as important as what I
see in myself.” Respect and successful relationships go hand in hand.
We must respect ourselves first and then respect our partner (and/or
children). It’s a basic human need. Find qualities that you respect in
another - look for them and then remember them in tough times.
10. Responsibility - Take responsibility for how you have contributed
to the problems in your marriage. Honestly ask yourself what part you’ve
played in creating a relationship that lacks the amount of affection you
desire. Don’t place all the blame on your spouse, or bother keeping score.
Ask God to give you the wisdom and strength to change your attitudes
and behaviours to achieve a healthier marriage. Then commit to do so,
with His help. Go the extra mile, remembering that your marriage is more
likely to change when you change.
11. Rest
12. Restore
13. Romance

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Sacrifice, Sameness, Safety, Satisfaction, Self Control, Selfless, Service,
Settlement, Sexual Intimacy, Shared Interest, Sincerity, Speak Out,
Spend Time Together, Spiritual Growth, Submission, and Support
S is for:
1. Sacrifice – Every relationship is about giving and sacrifices.
Sacrifice mostly means every one giving their best, giving up things that
are important to them or adjusting their values time and time again. A
relationship based on one person’s sacrifice won’t continue to work over
time. Jesus died for us while we are yet sinners (Romans 5:8). Jesus
expects us to sacrifice just like he sacrificed. Romans 5:2 – “ And walk
in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering
and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma”.
2. Satisfaction -
3. Self Control - Temperance, Master over ones desire. 2 Pet.1: 5-6;
- Part of the path to Godliness -Acts 24:25. Self-control is the growing
realization that one’s desire to please self was crucified with Christ, and
replaced with a desire to glorify God (Gal.2: 20). Watch out for pride.
4. Selflessness - Selfishness is one of the top reasons for conflicts,
pains, and brokenness in lots of marriages and relationships. Surveys
blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but
the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person
is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never
learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life
to your partner. And begin to live life together.

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5. Service - The only way marriage works is if you serve each other.
That’s how God designed it. We can’t meet our own needs. If we could,
we wouldn’t be seeking a partner in the first place. A husband has what
his wife needs. A wife has what her husband needs. The best way to
receive these things is if we serve each other. Marriage requires a Christ-
like love, which means we should love each other with the character of
Jesus. Jesus is humble. Jesus sacrificed for us. Jesus came to serve. He
said, “But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matthew
23:11). When you don’t serve one another, your marriage falls apart. But
if you’re willing to serve your spouse, your marriage can thrive. The bible
says, “Serve one another (Ga 5:13) and Wash one another’s feet (Jn
13:14)
6. Sexual Intimacy – only within a marriage relationship. Let’s face
it: Sex is a topic on the mind of just about every husband and wife.
The physical union of man and woman is one of the most pleasurable
and meaningful aspects of marriage. Don’t neglect sexual intimacy.
Understand that a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship is essential for an
affectionate marriage. Openly share your sexual desires with your spouse
and listen well to the desires he or she shares with you. Work together to
create an exciting sex life with which both of you are comfortable. God
designed sex as an intimate expression of love between husband and
wife. Anything that fails to meet that standard leaves one partner feeling
unsatisfied and exploited. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband. In the same way, her husband’s body does not
belong to him alone but also to his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:4
7. Share, Shared Interest
8. Sincerity – sincerity is the absence of pretence, deceit, or
hypocrisy. It is to be truthful, honest, and real. To be sincere is to mean
what you say and say what you mean. It is to be who you are. Sincerity is
the key to building healthy, lasting and trustworthy relationships. You are
two people in an honest relationship. That entails being straightforward
about what you two want out of your relationship and life. People in
sincere relationships are honest and open with each other. They don’t
play mind games. They don’t say one thing and mean the other. They
don’t make promises they can’t keep. Sincere couples place a high

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value on honesty and trust. They understand that lying will only weaken
the bond they share.
9. Speak Out and also Speak God’s and good words into your
spouse, relationship, home… The bible says, “The lips of the righteous
nourish many.” Proverbs 10:21.
10. Spend Time Together - Relationships will fade quickly if the effort
is not made to communicate and spend time together. From having a
movie night at your house to going out to dinner, taking the time out of
your day for your partner lets them know that you are invested in the
relationship.
11. Spiritual Growth - Pursue spiritual growth together. Pray together
and individually, read the Bible together, participate in church together,
and frequently talk about how God is working in your lives. If your spouse
is not yet a believer, focus on areas of common ground you currently have
and work to build a bond that way as you pray for him or her. Don’t focus
on your pain; focus on the fact that God will work in your life through the
difficulties that you experience. Ask God to help you and your spouse
move toward spiritual unity. The strength of your relationship is directly
proportional to your spiritual maturity prosperity.
12. Submission - “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
(Ephesians 5:21). “Submission” is a controversial word in Christian
circles, but this verse gives a clear and potent challenge for us to serve
one other out of reverence and respect for Christ Himself. When a
husband and wife will place the needs and desires of his/her spouse
ahead of their own, the marriage will thrive.
13. Support

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Teamwork, Temperance, Tenderness, Thoughtful, Togetherness,
Tolerance, Tone, Touch, Train, Transparency, Trust, and Truthful
T is for:
1. Teamwork – togetherness and oneness. Together you achieve
your destinies. When you are in a relationship, your significant other is
like your counterpart; your teammate. When you are both faced with a
struggle, you need to be able to function as a team and work together to
get through these difficult situations. Overcoming obstacles proves your
patience with one another and brings you closer together.
2. Temperance
3. Tenderness - Be tender. Demonstrate kindness, tenderness,
and respect toward your spouse. Hug, kiss, and cuddle your spouse.
Smile at him or her. Speak encouraging words to your spouse. Express
tenderness at the right times, such as when your spouse is discouraged
or celebrating an important achievement (but not when he or she is
angry or acting in an abusive way). Express tenderness frequently and
consistently.
4. Thoughtful - Be Thoughtful - do little things that let your spouse
know you are thinking about them. A quick phone or text call to say ‘I love
you’; flowers; do things for the family without being asked; if your partner
looks tired help them. Thoughtfulness is a source of fuel that keeps a
marriage going strong.
5. Time - Relationships don’t work without time investment. Any

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successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And
quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. The relationship
with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship
you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other
relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a
date-night once in a while wouldn’t hurt either.
6. Togetherness - Do more together. That includes waking up and
going to bed together, eating together, pray together, read together,
study together, talking together. It will help you to get it together.
7. Tolerance - The capacity to understand and accept others are
different from you
8. Tone - The tone of your words will shape the tone of your marriage.
Think about the tone of your words when you are talking to your spouse.
“Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
Proverbs 16:24 (NLT)
9. Touch
10. Train
11. Transparency - See openness
12. Trust - Build trust in your marriage and relationships. The bible
says, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you.” Proverbs 3:3. Be
true to your self, spouse and your relationship. Say what you mean and
mean what you say. Be people of high integrity who can be trusted.
Remember the vows you said at your wedding and take them seriously.
Work hard to fulfil your vows. Choose to act in love toward your spouse
no matter how you may feel at any given time. Honour your spouse by
placing his or her needs above your own. Don’t bail out during times
of physical, emotional, or mental sickness. Be faithful and avoid lying,
cheating, stealing, pornography, and affairs. Be thoughtful by avoiding
behaviours you know annoy your spouse. The surest way to build trust
in marriage is through your actions. Build a record of choices and deeds
that prove to your partner you can be trusted at all times.

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Not only is it vital to build your trust in each other and your relationship,
you should build your total trust in the Lord for all things and in all things
in our relationships. Trust in the Lord with all your heart… and he will
make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5–6. “I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation” (Psalm 13:5).
13. Truthful – see honesty and integrity

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Unconditional, Understanding, Union/United, Unity, and Usefulness
U is for:
1. Unconditional – Make your friendship, love and affection
unconditional. Unconditionally accept each other! It’s one of the BIG
lessons in life. Just as God unconditionally so loved the world that He
gave His only begotten son. Just as our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ
loved the church and gave Himself for her. If we are children of God
and joint heirs with Jesus Christ and partakers of the divine nature, we
should trust the Holy Spirit to help us love our spouses unconditionally in
spite of who they are, what they have done or failed to do.
2. Understanding Understand the uniqueness of your spouse and
your relationship. Understand your needs, spouse and your relationship
needs.
3. Union/United – see oneness
4. Unity sees oneness
5. Usefulness – All members of the relationship must determine
to invest their time, talent and treasure to ensure fulfilment and peace.
God has invested everything needed to maintain your marriage in the
people that makeup the home. Make yourself useful for the benefit of the
marriage.

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Valuable, Value, Vast, Veritable, Virtuous, Visionary, and Vows
V is for:
1. Valuable, Value - Value each other and also the relationship.
This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care,
and invest into them daily. And this will always require nearly every bit of
yourself… but it so worth it. After all, a successful marriage is far more
valuable than most of temporal things we chase after with our lives. And
will always last longer.
2. Vast is to be of very great extent or quantity; immense. Your
relationship with God and each other must carry immense value. This
drives your passion and motivation. And determines how far you are
willing to go or sacrifice to ensure the relationship
3. Veritable – Let your marriage and relationship be real and
genuine. Read Rom.12: 9-21. The 9th verse says, “Love is to be sincere
and active [the real thing—without guile and hypocrisy]”.
4. Virtuous – Virtue is indispensable in the maintenance of any
marriage and relationship. To be virtuous is to live Godly. Godliness is
made available only and wholly in Christ Jesus. Romans 5:1. All virtues
are produced by the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22. That’s why it is referred
to as the fruit of the Spirit. We are actually made righteous in Christ
Jesus. We are made to be partakers of the Godly nature of God by the
sacrifice of the cross and resurrection from the dead. 2 Peter 1:4.

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5. Visionary – Couples in relationship must have a God inspired
vision of the future and intentionally pray and plan towards it.
6. Vows – Keep your marriage vows in remembrance all your time
in marriage. Remember you promised and vowed before God and all the
people present till death do your part.
W is for:
1. Wait – Waiting like patience is a great virtue in marriage and
any relationship. Learn the art of waiting on God and on each other. Not
waiting has led to the ruins of many relationships. For the unmarried,
there are few things that have to wait until marriage. Many destinies have
been destroyed because they cannot wait until marriage before they get
into deep romantic relationships including sex outside of marriage. Erotic
love is expressly reserved to be enjoyed within the marriage context. 1
Corinthians 6:16-20.
2. Warmth – Be warm and create a warm and loving, peaceful and
happing moments at home
3. Willingness – Be eagerly willing to invest all of who you are into
your relationship. True Marriage Commitment Requires Willingness to
Sacrifice, give, cooperate, invest…etc.
4. Wisdom – By wisdom of God, the bible says a home is built.
Proverbs 24:3-4 “Through [skilful and godly] wisdom a house [a life, a
home, a family] is built, and by understanding it is established [on a
sound and good foundation]. And by knowledge its rooms are filled with
all precious and pleasant riches”.

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X is for:
1. X-Pression (Express Your True Feelings/Love For Each Other).
Do you do fun things together during your free time? You don’t have to
have the same interests as your partner, but you can absolutely enjoy
time spent together by engaging in one of their (or your) interests. Open
yourself up to the opportunity of doing things you may not otherwise do
on your own, for the sake of your relationship. What you will find is that,
through your willingness to do so, these activities become enjoyable.
2. X-Ray Express genuine interest in God, your partner and
relationship.

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Y is for
1. Yearn – This is an intense feeling or longing for each other
especially when out of sight. Longing or intensely desiring for your
spouse love, presence, touches help to build intimacy in relationship.
2. Yield – Selflessly give in to each other’s point of view. Refusal to
yield on both sides is the course for dangerous and destructive conflicts
in marriage and relationships. The bible says we should submit to each
other. Ephesians 5:21.

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Zeal, Zero, and Zest
Z is for:
1. Zeal – Zeal is putting in great energy and enthusiasm in pursuit of
success in relationship and marriage. Maintaining peace in relationship
and marriage takes hard work. The success is dependently totally on
our dependence on God and the energy, dedication, determination and
personal effort we put into it.
2. Zero – Zero tolerance for marriage and relationship destroyers.
Every marriage that will succeed will be zero tolerant of marriage and
relationship destroyers. (Watch out for our little booklet on the A to Z
of relationship destroyers) like accusations, Blame Game, Escapism,
impatience, cheating, indifference, infidelity, Laziness, mistrust,
withdrawal, suspicion, unforgiveness, ….etc. And even much more be
determined to be zero tolerant of divorce.
3. Zest - The Zest, the life, the excitement and all those things I
have written about in the A to Z of relationships.
Why not develop and build on these and also make up your own A to
Z - see what you can come up with and make it a source of discussion
in the family. Watch out for the A TO Z RELATIONSHIP DESTROYERS
IN BRIEF.

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THE BIBLE ONE ANOTHER COMMANDS –
VERY VITAL IN RELATIONSHIP BUILDING
Unity. One third of the one-another commands deal with the unity of the
church.
1. Be at peace with one another (Mk 9:50)
2. Don’t grumble among one another (Jn 6:43)
3. Be of the same mind with one another (Ro 12:16, 15:5)
4. Accept one another (Ro 15:7)
5. Wait for one another before beginning the Eucharist (1 Co 11:33)
6. Don’t bite, devour, and consume one another—seriously, guys,
don’t eat each other (Ga 5:15)
7. Don’t boastfully challenge or envy one another (Ga 5:26).
8. Gently, patiently tolerate one another (Ep 4:2)
9. Be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving to one another (Ep 4:32)
10. Bear with and forgive one another (Co 3:13)
11. Seek good for one another, and don’t repay evil for evil (1 Th
5:15)
12. Don’t complain against one another (Jas 4:11, 5:9)
13. Confess sins to one another (Jas 5:16)

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Love. One third of them instruct Christians to love one another.
1. Love one another (Jn 13:34, 15:12, 17; Ro 13:8; 1 Th 3:12, 4:9;
1 Pe 1:22; 1 Jn 3:11, 4:7, 11; 2 Jn 5)
2. Through love, serve one another (Ga 5:13)
3. Tolerate one another in love (Ep 4:2)
4. Greet one another with a kiss of love (1 Pe 5:14)
5. Be devoted to one another in love (Ro 12:10)
About 15% stress an attitude of humility and deference among believers.
1. Give preference to one another in honour (Ro 12:10)
2. Regard one another as more important than yourselves (Php
2:3)
3. Serve one another (Ga 5:13)
4. Wash one another’s feet (Jn 13:14)
5. Don’t be haughty: be of the same mind (Ro 12:16)
6. Be subject to one another (Ep 5:21)
7. Clothe yourselves in humility toward one another (1 Pe 5:5)

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Here’s the rest:
1. Do not judge one another, and don’t put a stumbling block in a
brother’s way (Ro 14:13)
2. Greet one another with a kiss (Ro 16:16; 1 Co 16:20; 2 Co 13:12)
3. Husbands and wives: don’t deprive one another of physical
intimacy (1 Co 7:5)
4. Bear one another’s burdens (Ga 6:2)
5. Speak truth to one another (Ep 4:25)
6. Don’t lie to one another (Co 3:9)
7. Comfort one another concerning the resurrection (1 Th 4:18)
8. Encourage and build up one another (1 Th 5:11)
9. Stimulate one another to love and good deeds (He 10:24)
10. Pray for one another (Jas 5:16)
11. Be hospitable to one another (1 Pe 4:9)

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THE JESUS FAMILY – THE GIRLS & FAMILY
From left: Rotimi, Joseph, Rachael & Funmilayo
From left: Deborah, Esther, Vera, Deborah & James

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THE JESUS FAMILY – THE BOYS & FAMILY

From left: Elizabeth, Elijah, David, Tope & Daniel
From left: Agnes, Paul & Natasha
From left: Hannah, Ezra & Joshua

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THE JESUS FAMILY – CHILDREN
From left: Paul, Funmilayo, Deborah, Joshua & Elijah
From left: Paul, Deborah, Elijah, Joshua & Funmilayo

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TESTIMONIALS
THE OGUNTADES’ EXEMPLARY MARRIAGE
We are delighted about this opportunity to make our few remarks about
Pastor and Mrs. Sunday Elijah and Funmi Oguntade in this publication
commemorating their 40th wedding anniversary. The marriage of this
wonderful couple of God is an ideal example of Christian marriage as
God intended it to be, as set up in the Garden of Eden. It is the classical
case of ‘finding the missing rib’ to fit perfectly to make a whole. At this
time when many marriages are characterised by debilitating self-interest
and strife, it is indeed refreshing to have a godly and happy marriage
such as that of the Oguntades as a reference point and a model for
those who wish to build happy homes.
We have known and been close to the Oguntades for over 35 years and
their marriage has been an inspiration to us and to many other couples
who have had occasion to interact with them. There are so many striking
things about the marriage of the Oguntades. First among these, is the
love of God that is shed abroad in their hearts to one another and to
everyone whose path intertwines with theirs.
They are a very loving, caring, humble and generous couple whose
sacrificial love for each other, their God, the church and their friends and
family stands their marriage out. Mrs. Oguntade, fondly called Mummy,
is an ideal example of a Christian wife, mother and worker in the church
of God. Her love for her husband, children and her devotion to caring for
them in every way that she can, are touching. They are a perfect match
as designed by God. Mrs. Oguntade is on the contemplative side while
Pastor Oguntade is less contemplative but is often willing to get the view
of the wife on major issues before decisions are taken. It is like the right
hand washing the left hand and vice versa.
This great woman of God is a pillar of support to her husband and his
ministry. She is kind, hardworking, intelligent, selfless and generous. Her
commitment to her family, friends and her God is worthy of commendation
to married men and women everywhere.

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Mrs. Oguntade is a great homemaker and childcare professional/
enthusiast who always has kind and very useful words of advice for
everyone.
We know Pastor Oguntade as a man truly after God’s heart. He is
always ready to do God’s will at all times. He is a caring, principled and
God-fearing man who thrives on guiding his family, friends and church
members on the things of God.
We met Pastor Elijah Oguntade about 35 years ago before he was
ordained an elder in Christ Apostolic Church, Itire, Lagos. He was even
at that time sold out to God’s work and has remained so over the years.
His love for God, even as a young man, shone through. He was a
staunch leader and founding member of the CAC Students Association
(CACSA).
He was among the young CAC Elders sent by Itire Assembly to start the
first English Speaking Assembly of Christ Apostolic Church on Babalola
Street, Itire, Lagos. As a matter of fact, he was the link between the
CACSAgroup that came to link up with the EnglishAssembly as espoused
by our fathers then, Pastors Ben Okpaise and D. K. E. Sokunbi. He was
there at the formative stage in 1988 and when the ‘marriage’ between the
two groups could not hold, he stayed behind where he belonged but he
still maintained good ties with the CACSA church. All this while, the wife
stood by him and supported every move he made, while praying to God
for guidance for her husband. He was also instrumental to the setting up
of a Bible School for the English Speaking Assembly. For the records,
the metamorphosis of the English Speaking Assembly Bible School to
the Lagos Campus of the CAC Theological College, which took off at the
Joel Dunmade site of the Assembly’s auditorium speaks volumes of the
character of this couple – their humility and willingness to let go of self
in the interest of the Kingdom. It is the Joel Dunmade Lagos Campus
of the CAC Seminary that has grown into the massive CAC Theological
College, Idimu today.
That English Assembly is still standing and thriving today is a testimony
to the early sacrifices Pastor and Mrs. Oguntade and family made to put
the church on a sound footing. While Pastor was involved in leadership

72
of the Church, supporting the church with his resources, financing
many church activities, Mummy was entrenched in the Sunday School
Department, in particular the children unit, while the children were strong
in the children unit and later in the youth and choir as they grew up.
That is the OGUNTADE FAMILY for you! Indeed, the first branch of the
English Assembly, Chapel of Solution, was started in their house at Ikate,
Lagos. Pastor & Mrs. Oguntade have remained committed to the church
even till this day, and they always help in any way that they can to move
the work of God forward. They continue to support the church financially
in addition to their prayers for the church. Their love for God is a good
example to all Christians. They also have a ministry of reconciliation and
have done much to keep many troubled marriages on track.
The gains of this outstanding couple’s uncommon devotion to God and
humanity are clearly visible in the lives of their children who are all living
godly lives. They are all well established in their own homes and are
also raising their own children in the way of the Lord. At a time when the
family passed through the phase of ‘pressed down and shaken together’
preceding the ‘running over’ of Luke 6:38, the children comported
themselves well showing understanding and trusting the judgment of
their parents even on certain painful decisions that were taken, which on
the surface seemed not to be in their interest. They had been sufficiently
tutored and grounded in the Word of God and the way of God. The way
mummy submits to her husband, remaining at the background most of the
time is the way the daughters engage their husbands in their marriages.
The children continue to be committed members of any local church
assembly they worship in, always serving in one or more departments in
the church and shining brilliantly in their service to the Lord. They were
never contented with ‘warming the chair’ in any local church they found
themselves. This is the result of decades of impartation of excellent
virtues from the parents. They are all ministers at varying levels at their
places of worship, with two of them as qualified Pastors.
Apart from being mentors and good parent-figures to many couples
and families in the church and their community, Pastor and Mrs. Elijah
Oguntade are also involved in the foster care of other children, as part
of their service to God.

A-Z OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.pdf

A-Z OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.pdf

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