Summary of the reflections on Integrity in Relationship at Youth Fellowship of Ebenezer Malayalam Fellowship,Singapore, on 25th September 2011

1. INTEGRITY IN
RELATIONSHIP
REFLECTIONS
EBENEZER MALAYALAM FELLOWSHIP,
SINGAPORE

2. Q. How can we avoid compromise in our integrity, while taking personal decisions?eg At
times, I got to skip churchto work and take care of my family while I do believe that unless
the Lord provides and protects , our efforts are in vain
 Deut 30:11-18
We can make our own choices in life. Choose between
 Life and death
 Prosperity and adversity
If the subtle choices of life draws you away from God, your passion for
God withers out and gradually you might become a dry branch in the vine.
 SETTING OUR PRIORITIES
Ps 16:8 David said “I have set the Lord continually before me”
Mat 6:33 Seek ye first the kingdom of God
Col 2:22-24 We know whom we serve, we have freedom

3. Q.How can we keep our integrity with non believing friends who don’t really
understand and appreciate our thoughts in terms of our beliefs
 Gen 39:2 When God is with us, we are successful
 Gen 39:9: Joseph was conscious that God was with him.There are four
people in this verse, however in relationship to sin he says it is against
God he sins.
 Dan 1;8-9 In a world different from today, before Lord Jesus Christ
came, people lived by animal instincts, in a secular and secure
environment-Daniel and friends made their choice, not as mere
fanatics, but consciously aligning themselves in integrity with God’s
will. Dan 11:1 proves he recognized his responsibilities, Dan 6:4 tells
that he was neither corrupt nor negligent in his work. Consequence was
Dan 4:32,37- a brute dictator like Nebuchadnezzar glorified God
 Mark 2:27 Laws of God enables us to uphold the will of God. Not mere
rituals, but that envisions our role in eternity
 Our life of honesty and truthfulness will encourage others to approach
us in their crisis and we can lead them to the master for a solution.

4. Is there integrity in the word of God? Is the Bible and its teachings relevant
today?Are we merely keeping the commands like Robots/puppets or like beasts
of burden controlled by whip and birdle?
 The word of God has integrity and consistency,
which strengthens our faith today. Genesis to
Revelation holds integrity as the key to please God
 This grand old book is absolutely relevant today, our
own successful Christ centered life is an example.
 Some of us born to believing parents , initially
obeyed because our parents taught us, as we grew up
we got to know on our own that our redeemer lives
and His word and presence protect us, gives us
meaning and direction and helps us to transform
into His own image and character.

5. Is Integrity a subjective concept? Does it mean differently to different people
based on their family upbringings, culture, environment they are in etc? How does
the “salvation” moulds integrity in a person?
 Malayalam word Swabhavam(character) means swayam unla bhavam(
attitude within one self). Our attitutde must reflect Integrity, lest we should
be ordinary or worldly.
 Growing environment sets ethics and morals eg If beating is a norm,
children when they become adults repeat that on their next generation.
 Our yardstick is our heavenly father . Mat 5;48,Eph 5:1
 Standards are same for all Col 3:11
 Being born again we have a common citizenship Ezek 47:22.
 Salvation experience changes perspectives of a person as we begin to obey
God’s word , our conscious is led by the Holy spirit, and there is increased
humility in us consequent to our life of prayer and communion with God .
 Being saved we have known that our savior who truly cares for us values
integrity in us
 Hypocrisy and Hiding the wrong is an ante thesis of integrity.

6. What are the ways for reconciliation , if some one
had fallen short of integrity in his ways?
 Repent and return to God -Acts 3.19
 When we leave the abiding presence of God, we tend to commit sin.
 Jesus reminded us through the parable of prodigal son- urgently
turn back to your father
 1 Jn 1:9 Confess with a heart sorrowful of the act of sin.
 1 Jn 2:28 Continue in him so that you remain confident and
unashamed
 1 Jn3:2 We have to appear like him in his coming
 1 Jn 3:8,9 No one born of God will sin,for God’s seed remains in him
 James 4:7, resist the devil: avoid the circumstances that lead to sin
 1 Cor 15: 33 Bad company corrupts us !
 Forgiving and forbearing others sin prevents a reactive sin in us

7. Reconciliation for the fallen
 If a foreign body falls into the eye , it causes a terrible discomfort till
its removed.likewise a breach in integrity causes discomfort , unless
we are deliberately insensitive
 Both Saul and David sinned against God. While David repented with
a contrite heart, Saul’s repentance was partial. In the end David
found reconciliation with God while Saul could not. It is written
“David slept with his fathers” while “Saul died on his own sword”
 Peter and Judas both betrayed Jesus, but Peter cried in repentance
and returned as an apostle while Judas lost an opportunity and
ended in misery.
 Check whether our decisions are based on the word of God. Heb 2:1
– Pay careful attention to the word so that we do not drift away

8. Is purity important to maintain integrity? How can we keep our self pure
when the norm is to live by natural instincts of fallen man
 1 John 3:3 Every one who have hope in God purifies
themselves for He is pure.
 24 carat gold doesn’t need purification.
 We who are impure have to undergo continuous
purification(like Esther prepared herself) till me meet
our Lord and King
 Purity is essential for us to participate in the divine
nature of God (2Pet 1;4) to overcome satan and enjoy the
wonderful promises of God
 Ps119:9 Keep your way pure by living according to word
of God
 Eph 5:3,11,12,18,19 A list of impurities to avoid!
 In fellowship subject to one another in the fear of Christ

9. Is integrity important in a family? What should be our response to challenges to
integrity in family life- viz. premarital live in relationships, Divorce etc ?
 A family built on integrity as a foundation will enjoy stability.
 Mat 19:4-6 God’s word says -a married couple is one flesh. It
is God’s will for both spouses to be united in all their actions
and share mutual respect, confidence and trust. Shouldn’t try
to judge the other by their past or family/cultural background,
but build up your future together
 Eph 5:28-30 Unconditional and sacrificial love is cardinal in
marriage. The standard is Christ’s love for the church. When
either of you get hurt remember if you reciprocate with
another hurt you would doubly hurt the Lord who loves both
of you.
 Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement
between you and your spouse

10. Aberrations in marital relationship
 Anything that does not promote responsibility and
commitment to each other is selfish and against the plan
of God
 If God led both of you to acknowledge you are made for
each other, you are subject to be united together . What
God unites, no man including yourself should attempt to
separate.
 No part of your body created by God has the right to
decide whether to remain in the body. The day one organ
becomes impaired, the whole body loses its integrity and
becomes handicapped. Both of you the spouses are key
elements to your family life

11. Threats to Integrity in family
 Lack of respect towards one another
 Fruitless Arguments leading to ego clash
 Comparison of spouse or children with another
person
 Lack of meaningful communication on major
decisions, and team spirit within the family
 Transparency and honesty not being important
 Parents unable to pose themselves as role models by
failing to practice what they preach.

12. Aberrations in marital relationship….
Premarital Live in relationship
 It is a month to month rental agreement type
relationship.
 Man rather than God choose such a relationship.
 No lasting commitment or accountability to one
another
 Testing rather than accommodating one another
 A study showed that eventually if they marry, 85% of
those in such relationships end up in divorce.

13. What should we do to build integrity in our family?
How do you cultivate integrity in the next generation and teach your children to keep family
values/
 Children in their formative years learn from their parents. In
Bible we see positive examples like Isaac, John the Baptist,
Timothy who copied the integrity of their parents while there
are also negative examples like sons of Jacob, sons of David
who copied the grey areas of their parents lives.
 Be truthful and encourage honesty at all costs
 Parents must keep open channels of communication. Allow
children to be inquisitive. If they have queries do not avoid
answers. It is best for them to learn from you than learn it
wrong from their peers. By being conversant rather than
always criticizing or comparing will enable you to observe and
respond to the transitions and struggles in children’s life.
 A parent should be the best buddy for a child

14. Cultivate integrity in the next generation
 A praying family stays together
 Family prayer should not be a mere ritual
 Examine our lives with Jesus as our gold standard
 A successful prayer hour encourages and builds up the participants and
leaves a deep desire to get together to pray again
 Regularly read and meditate together a portion from word of God and
learn practical points together.
 Acknowledge mistakes and genuinely seek forgiveness from one another
 Pray for your children, assist them in imbibing faith and find time to pray
with them as they face specific challenges in life
 Encourage children to watch only those programmes that do not
compromise moral values
 Find time for a holiday together, in everything make it an opportunity to
experience God’s presence together .
 Eph 6:1-4 Parents honor your own parents and set an example. Cultivate an
environment of love , explain to children the benefits of obedience.