Presentation on Managing Workplace Conflict.

1. Executive Overview: The Course for Managers
How to Mediate Employee Conflict
Helping good employees do good work together
The Managerial/Third-Party Resolution Seminar ™
For the prevention and early resolution of workplace conflict
Presented by:
Douglas H. Allen, MS, SPHR, SHRM-SCP, ACC
Human Resource Consultant and Executive Coach
Certified Workplace Conflict Facilitator and Mediator (Eckerd College)
Innovative Consultants, LLC
douglashallen@Comcast.net,
C: 215-280-5999

2. Seminar Outline
Ø Strategic focus on conflict management
Ø Cost of Conflict
Ø Why manage conflict strategically?
Ø Managerial/Third Party Mediation
Ø Visioning the future: Preventive Mediation

3. What is

4. What is Conflict?
A condition between people:
ü who are task interdependent, and
ü where one (or both) feels angry, and
ü find fault with the other, and
ü use behaviors that cause a business problem
- Mediation Training Institute, Eckerd College 2016

5. Conflict…
ü costs money
ü incurs risk
ü degrades decision quality
Results

6. What would you do with the time that is
now taken up dealing with conflict?
What benefit would those activities add to
the organization?
Think about it…

7. What is the damage that unmanaged conflict
causes in your organization or industry?
What is the specific evidence you see?
?

8. Cost factors:
# 1: Wasted time
# 2: Opportunity cost of wasted time
# 3: Lowered job motivation and productivity
# 4: Lost performance due to conflict-related absenteeism
# 5: Loss of investment in skilled employees
# 6: Conflict-incited theft, sabotage, vandalism, and damage
# 7: Restructuring around the problem
# 8: Health costs
# 9: Degraded decision quality
Pure waste, no value added
Costs of Organizational Conflict

9. Your annual salary: $__________
Multiply times 1.5 (150%) = $__________
Investment in you by your employer
Multiply times 2.0 (200%) = $__________
Cost of replacing you
Multiply times 0.6 (60%) = $__________
Average role of conflict in voluntary terminations
Multiply times number of voluntary terminations in your organization
annually = $__________
Source: HR Magazine, February 2003
Estimating the cost of losing one good employee . . .YOU!
A formula:
Calculating the Cost of Conflict

10. Your annual salary: $__________
Multiply times 1.5 (150%) = $__________
Investment in you by your employer
Multiply times 2.0 (200%) = $__________
Cost of replacing you
Multiply times .6 (60%) = $__________
Average role of conflict in voluntary terminations
Multiply times number of voluntary terminations in your organization
annually = $__________
80,000
120,000
240,000
144,000
1,440,000 10% of 100
employees
Estimating the cost of losing one good employee . . .
Illustration:
A formula:
Calculating the Cost of Conflict

11. The tip of the iceberg
Atlantic Ocean
near Newfoundland
Conflict Management Systems

12. Formal system
Grievance / ADR /
Experts / Legal
The tip of the iceberg
Workplace Conflicts
Conflict Management Systems

13. Formal system
Grievance / ADR /
Experts / Legal
Workplace Conflicts
Conflict Management Systems
Automatic system
Everyday conflict management
and prevention using ordinary
social skills

14. Conflict Management Systems
Informal system
Self-help mediation tools
Ø Managerial Mediation
Ø Self Mediation
Ø Preventive Mediation
Workplace Conflicts
Prevention
& early
resolution
Formal system
Grievance / ADR /
Experts / Legal
Automatic system
Everyday conflict management
and prevention using ordinary
social skills

15. Balancing Formal and Informal
Disadvantages:
• More expensive
• Slower
• Unnecessarily escalates
• Risks entrenchment of positions
• Requires expert mediators
FormalInformal
< 10% > 90%
Typical organization
in 2017
Formal dispute resolution
Methods:
• Legal department
• Grievance arbitration
• Peer review panels
• Professional expert mediators
• Ombuds …and more
Source: Eckerd College
(2017)
(2017)

16. Balancing Formal and Informal
FormalInformal
Formal dispute resolution:
• More expensive
• Slower
• Unnecessarily escalates
• Risks entrenchment of positions
• Requires expert mediators
Informal self-help mediation:
• Less expensive
• Quicker
• Prevents escalation
• Preserves cooperative teamwork
• Employees do it themselves
Successful
organizations
of the future

17. What behaviors show that conflict is present?
• raised voices
• avoiding each other
• facial expressions
• ?
• ?
• ?
Necessary
Knowledge
7
The nature
of conflict
How do we know conflict when we see/hear it?
Discovering our “Wrong Reflexes”
Managing
Differences
Chapter 4

18. • avoiding
• threatening
• facial expressions
• withholding information
• pre-empting
• agitation
• body posture
• not returning messages
• raised voices
• getting the boss to take sides
• getting co-workers to take sides
• shouting
• hostile gestures
• “silent treatment”
• no eye contact
• . . . others?
What behaviors show that conflict is present?
Necessary
Knowledge
The nature
of conflict
Some common signs of conflict
Discovering our “Wrong Reflexes”
Managing
Differences
Chapter 4

19. Distancing = “Walk-aways”
Necessary
Knowledge
11
The nature
of conflict
Discovering our “Wrong Reflexes”
Our Wrong Reflexes are ancient
• avoiding
• withdrawing
• withholding information
• not returning messages
• silent treatment
• threatening
• pre-empting
• getting others to take sides
• shouting
• hostile gestures
Coercion = “Power-plays”
Managing
Differences
Chapter 4

20. An alternative to our reflexive strategies of
Distancing and Coercion is the Essential Process
of mediation:
Face-to-face talking
about the problem
without interruption
long enough to find a solution
Necessary
Knowledge
12
The nature
of conflict
The Essential Process of Mediation
A better strategy than our out-dated Wrong Reflexes

21. The Essential Process requires the Cardinal Rules:
1) No Walk-aways
We must stay in the Essential Process
2) No Power-plays
We must not impose one-sided solutions
Necessary
Knowledge
13
The nature
of conflict
The Cardinal Rules of Dialogue
If either is broken, the mediation fails
Managing
Differences
Chapter 7

22. Necessary
Knowledge
The moment of Breakthrough:
• Cannot be forced
• Cannot be willed (consciously chosen)
• Happens naturally
Why
mediation
works
Breakthrough
A naturally-occurring event
26
A mutual attitude shift from
“me against you”
to
“us against the problem”

23. “Our task is not to fix the blame for the past, but to fix the course for the future.”
~ John F. Kennedy
Managerial/Third Party Mediation
Strategic Alternative
A core leadership competency

24. Informal system
for conflict prevention
and early resolution
Strategic focus
Formal system
Grievance / ADR /
Experts / Legal
Conflict Management Systems
Automatic system
Everyday conflict management
and prevention using ordinary
social skills

25. l A communication tool
§ No new skills are needed
l Mediation without a professional mediator
§ A business meeting about a business problem, not a personal or
professional service
§ Simple “self help” mediation
§ Requires no prior training
§ Not arbitration: Manager does not decide the solution
l A way to help employees work together
§ Performance problem is relational, not individual
l A core leadership competency
“Our task is not to fix the blame for the past, but to fix the course for the future.”
~ John F. Kennedy
What is Managerial/Third Party Mediation?

26. Formal system
Grievance/ADR/experts/legal
Automatic system
Everyday conflict mgmt.
and prevention using
ordinary social skills
Informal system
Self-help mediation tools for
prevention and early resolution:
Ø Third-Party Resolution
Ø Successful Conflict Conversations
Ø Preventive Mediation
What, When,
& Why
4
Goldilocks: Not too big, not too little, just right
When to Use Managerial/Third-Party Resolution
Third-Party
Resolution
C
O
N
F
L
I
C
T
S

27. Step 1: Decide to mediate
l Make an informed decision
Step 2: Hold preliminary meetings
l Prepare the parties
Step 4: Hold the three-way meeting
l Do three simple tasks
l Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough
Step 5: Follow-up
l Support the Deal
What, When,
& Why
Step 3: Plan the context
l Protect the meeting
The time-and-place
environment for dialogue
A mutual attitude shift
from “me against you”
to
“us against the problem”
#1: Fatigue
#2: Desire for peace
#3: Catharsis
#4: Inhibitory reflex
ü Balanced
ü Behaviorally specific
ü Written
Five steps to resolution, and to solution
Overview of Managerial/ Third-Party Resolution
Third-Party
Resolution

28. For what purpose?
5
Step 1:
Decide to
mediate
To reach and record a balanced, behaviorally specific, mutually
acceptable agreement that defines each one’s future behavior
with regard to the business problem caused by their conflict.
Not:
• To establish innocence and guilt
• To discipline or punish
• To decide right and wrong
Our task is not to fix the blame for the past, but to fix the course for the future.
~ John F. Kennedy
When to Use Managerial/Third-Party
Resolution
To plan the future, not to judge the past
Third-Party
Resolution

29. Who defines the problem?
l The manager decides WHAT problem is to be solved.
A good issue statement is:
l Unbiased - impartial to either party
l Objective - does not place blame
l Specific - so other party knows exactly what is to solved
l Resolvable - parties have the authority to solve it
l Concise - brief
l The disputants’ agreement describes HOW that problem
is to be solved.
Step 1:
Decide to
mediate
A practical, actionable solution that is:
ü Balanced
ü Behaviorally specific
ü Written
When to Use Managerial/Third-Party Resolution
The division of decisions
Third-Party
Resolution

30. Applications:
10
MEDIATOR
PARTY A PARTY B
MEDIATOR
PARTY A
PARTY B
l Two peer subordinates
l A subordinate and his/her subordinate
l Project teams / self-directed work teams
l Human resources staff
l Other?
Any leader or accountable individual who is
responsible for the cooperative work of others.
Step 1:
Decide to
mediate
When to Use Managerial/Third-Party Resolution
Am I the right mediator?
Third-Party
Resolution

31. 11
Step 1:
Decide to
mediate
l For what purpose?
Plan the Future, not judge the past Past
l Is it worth the time and trouble?
Costs and risks
l Is their conflict appropriate for mediation?
Discipline? Job training? EAP referral?
l What is the business problem caused by their conflict?
Defined so it can be solved?
l Better options?
Ignore? Threaten? Separate? Terminate? Counsel or coach?
l Is the project manager the right one to mediate?
HR? Expert mediator?
Considering everything …
Summarizing the Decision to MediateThird-Party
Resolution

32. Step 1: Decide to mediate
l Make an informed decision
Step 2: Hold preliminary meetings
l Prepare the parties
Step 4: Hold the three-way meeting
l Do three simple tasks
l Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough
Step 5: Follow-up
l Support the Deal
Step 3: Plan the context
l Protect the meeting
Step 2:
Hold
preliminary
meetings
Review of the OverviewThird-Party
Resolution

33. 13
Step 2:
Hold
preliminary
meetings
1)
2)
3)
4)
To define the business problem to be solved
1. Unbiased
2. Objective
3. Specific
4. Resolvable
5. Concise
Objectives of Preliminary Meetings
Answering the questions
Third-Party
Resolution
To hear each person’s “side of the story” (but why?)
To explain key information about the three-way meeting
To secure the person’s commitment to attend

34. What, when,
& why
General model:
• I’m concerned about the business outcome at risk
• I’ve noticed evidence (observable behavior/facts) of a problem
• We’re here to find a way for the two of you to address the difficulty
you are having in working together to ensure the business outcome
18
Criteria:
þ Unbiased – impartial to either of us?
þ Objective – does not place blame?
þ Specific – so the other knows exactly what is to be solved?
þ Resolvable – do we have the authority to solve it?
þ Concise – brief? A problem well-defined
is a problem half-solved.
Issue Statements
Defining the business problem
Third-Party
Resolution

35. Managerial
Mediation
Preliminary
Meeting
General model:
• I’m concerned about the business outcome at risk
• I’ve noticed evidence (observable behavior/facts) of a problem
• I’d like for us to find a solution to the difficulty we are having in
working together to ensure the business outcome
Preliminary Meeting Feedback
Learning from the practice – the only opportunity

36. Step 1: Decide to mediate
l Make an informed decision
Step 2: Hold preliminary meetings
l Prepare the parties
Step 4: Hold the three-way meeting
l Do three simple tasks
l Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough
Step 5: Follow-up
l Support the Deal
Step 3: Plan the context
l Protect the meeting
Step 3:
Plan the
context
Review of the OverviewThird-Party
Resolution

37. 20
Step 3:
Plan the
context
Preventing distractions and interruptions of the
Essential Process…
…helps ensure that a Breakthrough will occur in the
three-way meeting.
Face-to-face talking
about the problem
without interruption
long enough to find a
solution
A mutual attitude shift
from “me against you”
to
“us against the problem”
Why Plan the Context?
The time-and-place environment for dialog
Third-Party
Resolution

38. Step 1: Decide to mediate
l Make an informed decision
Step 2: Hold preliminary meetings
l Prepare the parties
Step 4: Hold the three-way meeting
l Do three simple tasks
l Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough
Step 5: Follow-up
l Support the Deal
Step 3: Plan the context
l Protect the meeting
Step 4:
Hold the
three-way
meeting
Review of the OverviewThird-Party
Resolution

39. 27
Step 4:
Hold the
three-way
meeting
#1 Keep disputants engaged in the Essential Process
Prevent violations of the Cardinal Rules
#2 Support Conciliatory Gestures
Ø Statements of voluntary vulnerability
Ø Pay attention to (reward) them
Ø Formula response:
Point to the gesture
Say, “Say more about that.”
#3 Wait!
Ø Defies human nature, feels unnatural
Ø Let the Essential Process work for you
Ø Don’t take responsibility for the solution
Ø W.A.I.T. = “Why Am I Talking?”
#1: No “fatal” Walk-aways
#2: No “fatal” Power-plays
of the Managerial/ Third-Party Resolution
The Primary Tasks
Managing
Differences
Chapter 18
Third-Party
Resolution

40. Step 1: Decide to mediate
l Make an informed decision
Step 2: Hold preliminary meetings
l Prepare the parties
Step 4: Hold the three-way meeting
l Do three simple tasks
l Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough
Step 5: Follow-up
l Support the Deal
Step 3: Plan the context
l Protect the meeting
Step 5:
Follow-up
Review of the OverviewThird-Party
Resolution

41. Step 5:
Follow-up
l Hold one or more follow-up meetings to:
§ Troubleshoot the Deal
§ Reduce its ambiguity
§ Convey your continuing interest
l Timing:
§ Long enough to allow a fair test
§ Not long enough to allow failure
l Not a resumption of the Essential Process
l Supervision of their relational performance
Follow-up: Supporting the Deal
Supervising performance of their relationship
Third-Party
Resolution

42. 35
q Balanced
§ Both parties benefit
§ Sacrifices or compromises are shared
q Behaviorally specific
§ Who will do what, by when, for how long, with
what support from the other, etc.
q Written
§ A record of what each one will do in the future
What’s a Good Deal?
Making agreements that last
Managing
Differences
Chapter 12
Third-Party
Resolution
Step 5:
Follow-up

43. Do not use Third-Party Resolution:
l To substitute for discipline
Ø Is the conflict caused by a co-worker’s violations of legal or ethical
requirements?
l To substitute for job training
Ø Is the conflict caused by a co-worker’s inability to perform required job
duties?
l To substitute for EAP services
Ø Is the conflict caused by a co-worker’s unresolved personal crisis?
l To address a poorly defined problem
Ø Do the parties have the authority to solve the business problem?
Managerial / Third Party Mediation

44. Ø Managers
Ø Supervisors
Ø Team leaders
Ø Human resource professionals
Ø Employee relations professionals
Ø Everyone who is responsible for the cooperative
work of others
Who Should Learn It?
Managerial/Third Party Mediation is a simple, effective way to handle
communication problems and personality clashes, appropriate for:

45. Mediation Map
The Way from Disagreement/Conflict to Agreement/Cooperation
30
Necessary
Knowledge
Preparing
for action

46. Four “Rules of Engagement”
A derivative of Successful Conflict Conversations
& Managerial/Third-Party Resolutions
No additional training is needed
Simple . . . but not easy!
Preventive
Mediation
40A
What is Preventive Mediation?
Stopping conflict before it starts

47. Informal system
for conflict prevention
and early resolution
Strategic focus
Formal system
Grievance/ADR/experts/legal
Conflict Management Systems
Automatic system
Everyday conflict management
and prevention using ordinary
social skills

48. l Four “Rules of Engagement”
§ A derivative of Managerial Mediation and Self Mediation
§ No additional training is needed
§ Simple . . . but not easy?
l A new habit
§ Replaces our “Wrong Reflexes”
l Mediation without an event
§ On-line, not off-line
l A way to make important relationships work
§ At work . . . and at home
l A core relationship competency
l A life skill
What is Preventive Mediation?
Distancing: Walk-aways
Coercion: Power-plays

49. Rule 1 ~ Do not walk away
• Control your Distancing reflex
Rule 2 ~ Do not power play
• Control your Coercion reflex
Rule 3 ~ Take risks
• Offer Conciliatory Gestures
Rule 4 ~ Do not exploit others’ risks
• Acknowledge their Conciliatory Gestures
Rules of Engagement
With your important people
We now possess this
knowledge … all that
is now required is
choice
Enlightened self-interest: If I “win” fights with you today, I will lose you tomorrow.
Preventive
Mediation

50. Differentness is not a threat.
•Reframe of “If we are different, one of us is wrong / inferior.”
Feelings are data.
•Reframe of “Some feelings (like anger) are ‘bad’ and we should
not have them.”
I create my own feelings/experience.
•Reframe of “You make me angry / sad / upset.”
Thinking Tools
To supercharge the Rules of Engagement
Preventive
Mediation

51. Managerial / Third Party Mediation

52. Questions?