This slide talks about the existence and unique structure of same sex marriage in African before colonisation.

1. Female Husbands without
Male Wives:
Women, culture and marriage
in Africa
By Hleziphi Naomie Nyanungo
Hleziphi Naomie Nyanungo is a scholar and a researcher, who has held faculty
appointments at Penn State University (USA) and Africa University (Zimbabwe). Her
research interests are primarily in the areas of education, governance and women’s
studies. Hleziphi coordinated the Young Women’s Leadership Course from 2009–2012
and continues to be involved with feminist movements in southern Africa.
arriage is a key institution in many, if
not all, societies. In some societies
marriage is seen as a defining marker in the
transition from childhood to adulthood.
Marriage is also how relationships and kin
networks are formed. If you have doubts
about how central this institution is to
society, consider how the issue of marriage
rights has been played out at different
points in the history of any society. People
were discouraged, and in some cases
outlawed, from marrying outside of their
class, caste, race, religion or ethnic group.
Families would disown daughters and
sons who married the ‘wrong’ person.
Whatever your views on marriage may be, it is
undeniably a key social institution with major
implications for the accordance of rights
and privileges in a particular society. So,
M what does culture have to do with marriage?
Cultural norms, beliefs and values set the
rules for all aspects of marriage, which include
who we marry, when we marry, how we marry
and what is expected of us in a marriage. It
would not be an exaggeration to say that
culture has everything to do with marriage.
Marriage is, after all, a cultural and social
construct. As such, cultural beliefs inform
the framework of what marriage customs
and practices are considered acceptable
in a society. Both culture and marriage are
important constructs to the struggle for
gender equality in society. The purpose
of this paper is to critically examine the
implications for women’s lives in specific
traditional African marriage customs
practiced across the continent. The
paper looks at the various ways in which
these marriage customs support and/
or challenge systems of patriarchy.
Female husbands without male wives
When we think of marriage, the image
that often comes into our minds is of a
union between one man and one or more
women. However, the current focus of the
marriage debate is same-sex marriages.
We are seeing some countries in the world
passing laws that make it legal for people
of the same sex to marry each other. South
Africa is presently the only country in Africa
where same-sex marriage is legal. There
is a prevailing perception that the concept
of same-sex marriage is foreign to Africa.
However, there is a specific form of same
sex marriage, commonly known as woman
BUWA! A Journal on African Women's Experiences
61
100

2. marriage that has been practiced in Africa since before the
advent of colonialism. Woman marriage is where a woman marries
another woman. It is important to note that woman marriage in
this context is not the same as lesbian marriage. The nature of the
relationship between the women married to each other in these
traditional woman marriage arrangements is legal and social but
not sexual. Thus, while woman marriage is same sex marriage, it is
not lesbian marriage because there is typically no sexual attraction
and/or involvement between female husbands and their wives. A
female husband is a woman who is legally and socially married to
another woman. Kevane (2004) estimates that approximately 5–10
percent of the women in Africa are involved in woman-to-woman
marriages. Traditionally, woman marriage has served as an avenue
through which women exercise social influence and patronage
in societies where inheritance and succession pass through the
male line. In such societies, woman marriage makes it possible
for women to gain social status as the head of the household.
In some societies, such as the Nandi people of Western Kenya,
women who are older (beyond child-bearing age), never married
and have no children are prime candidates to become female
husbands. This is because they will want an heir to inherit their
name, wealth and property. A woman in this situation will find a
younger woman to marry and bear her children. She will become
a female husband by giving bride-wealth and observing all the
other the rituals asked of a suitor by the bride’s family. The wife
may have children with any man she wishes, or a man chosen by the
female husband, but the legal and social ‘father’ of the children will
be the female husband. The giving and receiving of bride-wealth
accords the female husband the same rights over the children as
any other husband (Sacks, 1982). As the social and legal father of
the children, the female husband will support the children as would
any other father, regardless of who the biological father may be.
An anthropological study conducted by Oboler (1980) found that
the Nandi female husband is considered culturally male and thus
allowed to take on male roles. For instance, a female husband may
be allowed to take on political roles that women are typically not
allowed adopt. A female husband is also unlikely to carry things
on her head and so forth. Oboler interviewed a female husband
who described the typical male role she plays when entertaining
visitors: “When a visitor comes, I sit with him outside and converse
with him. My wife brings out maize-porridge, vegetables and
milk. When we have finished eating I say, ‘wife, come and take
the dishes’. Then I go for a walk with the visitor.” (1980, p. 77)
The Abagusii people of Western Kenya have a slightly different
form of women marriage. An example of woman marriage among
the Abagusii would be where a mother with only female children
marries a woman for a fictitious son (Oboler, 1980).
In patriarchal societies, daughters or their offspring
cannot carry on the family line – that is the preserve of sons. In
such a situation, a woman who only has daughters fears risking
everything due to the absence of male heirs to perpetuate the
family name and inherit the family wealth. To resolve this dilemma,
a woman without sons may marry a young woman with the
expectation that she will bear a son for the family. The purpose
of the union is therefore to provide a male heir for the family.
The woman that gives bride-wealth takes responsibility for, and
has rights over, any children born by the bride. The biological
father will have no rights over the children. This kind of marriage
is classified as woman marriage although it is done on behalf of
a non-existent son. Single mothers in Western Kenya are said to
view this as a good alternative way of obtaining economic security
and social acceptance when they have children out of wedlock.
Another variation of woman marriage is where a woman is
simultaneously wife and female husband (Sacks, 1982). A married
woman, who is independently wealthy, can choose to set up
a compound of her own that is separate from her husband’s
compound. She would do so by marrying one or more women
to be her wives and bear her children, which would make her
a female-husband in her own compound and a wife in her
husband’s compound. This form of woman marriage is known
to be practiced among the Lovedu of South Africa (Sacks,
1982) and the Igbo of Benin and Nigeria (Eskeridge, 1993).
The Lovedu are known to be the only African society that still
have a female monarch often referred to as the Rain Queen.
The queen herself has been known to be a female husband to
many wives. Ifeyenwa Olinke, an Igbo woman who lived in the
19th Century, was a famously enterprising woman, who socially
overshadowed her less prosperous male husband. As a symbol
of her prosperity and social standing, she married nine wives
(Eskeridge, 1993). Her husband did not have as many wives.
"South Africa is presently the
only country in Africa where
same-sex marriage is legal.
There is a prevailing perception
that the concept of same-sex
marriage is foreign to Africa."
Female Husbands without Male Wives: Women, Culture and Marriage in Africa
62
100

3. The three variations discussed above certainly do not represent all the variations of woman
marriage practised across the continent. The benefit to the female husband is obvious in
all the variations – namely material and social security. What, if any, are the benefits to
the wives in woman marriage? Why would a woman consider marrying a female husband?
Oboler (1980) suggests that there are several reasons that make this arrangement appealing
to women. It is a viable option for young women who have children out of wedlock in
societies that shun single mothers. This is an avenue through which they can attain
social acceptance and economic stability. Wives of female husbands cite greater sexual
and social freedom as compared to those with male husbands since they are not limited
to one sexual partner as is often the case in male-female marriages. There is also less
possibility of abuse in woman marriage models. Finally, female husbands are often likely
to give bride wealth of higher value than men because they are more anxious to marry.
BUWA! A Journal on African Women's Experiences
63
100

4. Culturally old enough, legally too young
Another marriage practice not often talked about is child marriage.
In many societies in Africa, child marriage is an accepted marriage
custom. Studies conducted by the International Center for Research
on Women (ICRW) and Plan UK reveal that the custom of child
marriage is alive and well with estimates that more than 14 million
girls (approximately 42 percent of girls under the age of 18) in sub-
Saharan Africa alone will be married before they reach the age of 18.
Undoubtedly, child marriage is a marriage custom that is
detrimental to the lives of women in Africa (and all other places
where it is practiced). Young girls are robbed of their power to
decide for themselves if, when, and who they will marry. They
become wives before they can legally find employment. They also
become wives before they are citizens who can vote, and more often
than not, they become mothers while they are children themselves.
A key reason that child marriage happens is that it is an accepted
cultural custom in the particular societies in which it is practiced.
To get a sense of what child marriage means to the lives of women,
consider the story of Mereso Kisulu, a young woman from Tanzania
who became a bride at the age of 13. She had probably started
menstruating not long before she was forced to become the wife
of a man in his 70s, who already had several other wives. As she
explains, “My family received a bride price from my husband and
then he took me away to become one of his wives. He beat me
regularly so I fled back to my village. But my father and brother
told me the price had been paid, this was no longer my home; I had
to return” (Kisulu, 2013). Mereso gave birth to her first child at the
age of 14 and was the mother of five children by the age of 19.
In Malawi, 11-year-old Mwaka Sembeya faced a similar fate
(LaFraniere, 2005). Poor crop harvests brought starvation to the
Sembeya family and so Mwaka’s father borrowed money (US$16)
from Mr Kalabo to feed his family. When Mwaka’s father could not
repay the debt, he agreed that Mwaka would become Mr Kalabo’s
wife to settle his debt, even though her new husband was at least 30
years older than her. In another case, 14-year-old Beatrice Kitamula,
also of Malawi, became the wife of a 63 year old widower to whom
her father owed a cow. The debt between the two men was settled
through her marriage (LaFraniere, 2005). It is hard to imagine
two men negotiating a deal where one says to another: “Since I
am unable to give you back your cow, you can take my daughter
to be your wife,” but poverty is a powerful motivating factor for
child marriage, especially where culture makes it acceptable.
In my own country of Zimbabwe, I have heard of situations where
a girl-child is raped and her family chooses not to pursue formal
“Our traditional values dictate
that girls are meant for marriage,
and when the men decide we are
biologically ready, we are married.”
-Kisulu, 2013)
Female Husbands without Male Wives: Women, Culture and Marriage in Africa
64
100

5. criminal rape charges on condition that the rapist agrees to marry
the girl. The girl becomes wife to the man who raped her. Rarely
do these stories make it into our newspapers and when they
do, they are not the main headlines. They are not considered
newsworthy since it is felt that they are not major violations, as
cultural traditions are being followed. Like elsewhere, our cultural
traditions make the custom of child marriage acceptable.
The cultural backdrop makes it acceptable for these young girls to
become wives before they are ready, and often against their own
wishes. Mesero Kisulu, the Tanzanian woman who was a child-
bride at 13 explains: “Our traditional values dictate that girls are
meant for marriage, and when the men decide we are biologically
ready, we are married.” (Kisulu, 2013) Child marriage continues
to happen even in countries where laws prohibit it because the
prevailing cultural norms and values legitimise the marriages.
There are few – if any – social and legal penalties for marrying
underage girls because it is accepted as a cultural practice.
Child marriage reveals perceptions of women as property to be
exchanged in return for goods and as beings with a limited say in
determining what happens in their lives. Embedded within such
values, child marriage is a marriage custom that supports and
perpetuates systems of patriarchy privileging men over women.
Bride-wealth and bride’s wealth
Whatever the type of marital union, entering into a marriage in
most African societies is a lengthy process, which typically involves
phases that include family introductions, negotiations, exchange
of gifts and wealth. A key feature in many traditional African
marriage processes is the exchange of bride-wealth. Bride-wealth
generally consists of a combination of material and monetary items
that the family of the groom gives to the family of the bride. It is
commonly believed that these items are given by the groom and
his family as an expression of gratitude to the family of the bride.
In addition to gratitude, bride wealth is also tied to rights over
children and exclusive sexual rights over the woman. In many
African societies, a man only has legitimate rights over children
when he has given bride-wealth for the woman with whom he bears
the children (Kevane, 2004). There are societies where if a married
woman chooses to leave the marriage for another man then her
new husband will be expected to reimburse the former husband
for the bride-wealth that he gave. The nature and quantity of the
gifts vary considerably across cultures. What and how much is to
be exchanged is usually determined by the family of the bride, and
often in negotiation within and among the families involved. The
Tswana culture would be one exception in this regard. According
to Van Allen (2003), it is the family of the groom that sets the
amount for the bride-wealth (or bogadi as it is known in the local
language) among the Tswana. This is in contrast to what happens
in other societies where it is the receivers of the bride-wealth (the
bride’s family) who dictate the desired gifts and the givers (the
groom’s family) are expected to comply. However, as in many other
African cultures, bride-wealth in Botswana transfers the affiliation
of children from their mother’s lineage to the father’s lineage.
As noted above, bride-wealth goes to the family of the bride.
In fact, some anthropologists postulate that bride-wealth is
a mechanism for resource circulation in traditional societies.
Wealth comes to the family when daughters are married. This
wealth is then used by the sons of that family to marry daughters
from other families (Anderson, 2007). However, it is the family
of the bride that benefits from bride-wealth exchange, not the
bride herself. If any portion of it goes to the bride, it is usually a
minimal amount. The wealth is in exchange for the bride – she
is the object of exchange, not the recipient of the wealth.
The Somali culture presents a variation that challenges the
arrangement where the bride is the object of exchange. Bride-
wealth (mehr) is given to the bride herself, and not to her family.
Even when the marriage ends, the bride is entitled to keep this
wealth, which is primarily in the form of livestock, money or
gold. Newly married women generally use their bride-wealth
to start a business or enterprise for themselves (Affi, 2003).
Without the exchange of bride-wealth, the children are affiliated
with their mother’s lineage. The Uduk people of eastern
Sudan are a good example of this custom. Their traditional
marriage custom is characterised as a ‘free system of marriage’
(Kevane, 2004). It is ‘free’ in the sense that there is no material
or legal pledges made between families in connection with
the marriage. Marriage happens when individuals decide they
want to marry, and it ends when they decide to terminate
their union. There are no elaborate or formal ceremonies
and rituals when entering or terminating a marriage. Among
the Uduk, children belong to their mother’s lineage and not
their father’s as is the case in most patriarchal societies.
Reflections: cultural loopholes
The various marriage customs described above highlight that there
are traditional marriage customs that affirm and support women’s
status as citizens – and producers (and not merely re-producers) –
of society. The Somali marriage custom, where the bride-wealth is
given to the bride suggests that women in this society are not seen
as mere dependents of their husbands but are also encouraged to
be enterprising in their own right. This suggests that the culture of
BUWA! A Journal on African Women's Experiences
65
100

6. this particular society supports women’s economic independence
in the context of a marriage. In contrast, child marriages do the
exact opposite by reducing the girl-child to an object of exchange.
While I find the notion of female husbands quite empowering for
some women, I also note a contradiction in that the patriarchal
arrangement is maintained. The female husband gets to enjoy legal
and social privileges over her wife, the same privileges enjoyed
by any male husband over his wife. For example, the rights over
children are not shared between the female husband and her
wife. The system of patriarchy is further maintained to the extent
that female husbands only marry female wives, and not male
wives. I see it as akin to the black slave owners during the times
of slavery. The status of slave owner may have put some black
people on a par with white slave owners, but the status of the slaves
remained the same no matter the race of the slave owner. I am
not suggesting that the institution of marriage is like slavery for
women. I am, however, suggesting that there are unequal power
dynamics between husbands and wives in marriage arrangements
in strict patriarchal societies and these dynamics are mirrored in
woman-to-woman marriages. The son-less mother who marries
References
Adams, M. (2003) Cameroon. In L. Walter
(Ed.), The Greenwood Encyclopaedia
of Women’s Issues Worldwide: Sub-
Saharan Africa (Vol. 6, pp. 53–79).
Westport, CT: Greenwood Press
Affi, L. (2003). Somalia. In L. Walter (Ed.), The
Greenwood Encyclopaedia of Women’s Issues
Worldwide: Sub-Saharan Africa (Vol. 6, pp.
389–404). Westport, CT: Greenwood Press.
Anderson, S. (2007). The Economics
of Dowry and Brideprice. Journal of
Economic Perspectives, 21(4), 151 – 174.
Child Marriage Facts and Figures | ICRW.
(n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2013, from http://www.
icrw.org/child-marriage-facts-and-figures
Early and forced marriage - facts and
figures - Plan UK. (n.d.). Retrieved
July 12, 2013, from http://www.plan-uk.
org/early-and-forced-marriage/
Eskeridge, W. (1993). A History
of Same-Sex Marriage. Virginia
Law Review, 79(7), 1419–1513.
Kevane, M. (2004). Women and
Development in Africa: How Gender Works.
London: Lynne Reinner Publishers, Inc.
Kisulu, M. (2013, March 8). Married at 13
to man in 70’s: Child bride who’s changing
attitudes. CNN: African Voices. Retrieved
May 29, 2013, from www.cnn.com/2013/03/08/
opinion/child-marriage-kisulu
LaFraniere, S. (2005, November 27). Forced
to Marry Before Puberty, African Girls
Pay Lasting Price. The New York Times.
Retrieved from www.nytimes.com
Oboler, R. S. (1980). Is the Female Husband a
Man? Woman/Woman Marriage among the
Nandi of Kenya. Ethnology, 19(1), 69–88.
Sacks, K. (1982). Sisters and Wives:
The Past and Future of Sexual Equality.
Westport, CT: Greenwood Press.
Van Allen, J. (2003). Botswana. In L. Walter
(Ed.), The Greenwood Encyclopaedia
of Women’s Issues Worldwide: Sub-
Saharan Africa (Vol. 6, pp. 21–51).
Westport, CT: Greenwood Press.
a wife in the hope that she will provide a male heir is creatively
protecting and securing her family’s interests. However, she is still
affirming the cultural preference for male heirs over female heirs.
Many African countries have made notable inroads into making it
possible for daughters to inherit property. However, the cultural
battle has yet to catch up to the legal battle in many contexts.
My aim in this paper was to describe some lesser known
traditional African marriage customs. I am certain that there
are many other marriage customs that challenge or perpetuate
patriarchy, which could have been included in this discussion.
My challenge to the reader is to research what some of these
practices might be in her/his particular cultural context. I contend
that when we know more about all the African traditions that
oppose and maintain patriarchy, we will be in a stronger position
to challenge and critique the arguments that use African
cultural customs and traditions to validate oppressive practices.
Therefore, we need to highlight and celebrate traditional
African marriage customs (and other cultural practices) that
support women’s equality in our different cultural contexts.
Female Husbands without Male Wives: Women, Culture and Marriage in Africa
66
100