This document discusses the negative effects of domestic abuse on mothers and their children. It notes that domestic abuse negatively impacts the mother-child relationship, as abused mothers often lack a natural motherly instinct and bond with their children. Children who witness domestic abuse are at risk for emotional, behavioral and developmental issues that can persist into adulthood. The document also outlines interventions that can help victims of domestic abuse, such as crisis hotlines, shelters, counseling and support groups. Overall, the document examines how domestic abuse takes a toll on both the abused mothers and their children.

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Domestic Abuse: The Negative Effects It Has On Mothers And Their Children
Kristin Erdman
Liberty University

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Crisis and trauma are situations that many people will experience at some point in
their life. Not every crisis or traumatic event is the same, nor are the ways in which
people respond to them. However, there are things that can help every victim no matter
what their response is in overcoming and moving past their traumatic event. Webster
defines a crisis as a “crucial time” and “a turning point in the course of anything”
(Wright, 2011). A crisis is often referred to a person’s internal reaction to an external
disruption. Therefore, a crisis is a negative outcome to a traumatic event. Most often, a
crisis includes a short-term loss of coping skills and emotional dysfunction, which is
reversible (Wright, 2011). A crisis can be caused by an event that causes a person’s
normal routine to be thrown off balance, resulting in them not being able to handle what
is happening (Wright, 2011).
A crisis can result in feelings of grief and bereavement if the traumatic event
involves a loss of some kind. According to Everly and Lating (2013), bereavement is
“the term used to denote the objective situation of having lost someone significant
through death” (p. 385). People need to spend a period of time in bereavement after
losing a loved one in order to fully move past the loss and continue on with a healthy life.
Grief is the term that is applied to “the internal emotional or affective reaction to loss,
most typically of a loved one through death, but it could be from other tangible, symbolic
or psychosocial losses, or even threats of losses” (Everly & Lating, 2013, p. 385). The
emotions and stages that go along with grieving are normal and necessary to recover from
a loss. Without properly moving through all of the stages, one cannot move past the loss
and may live in grief for the rest of their life. There are some things that can help a
person move through the grieving process. These include one on one counseling sessions

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with a professional therapist as well as support groups made up of individuals who have
gone through a similar loss. One very important thing in helping a person work through
the grieving process is the support of family and friends. The support from people who
love the grieving person makes it easier for them to work through the stages by knowing
they have people who care for them and are willing to help them with anything they need
throughout the grieving process. However, if the grieving individual does not have the
support and love of friends and family, the grieving process becomes much more difficult
and can last a lot longer. Without the support, they can feel alone and scared and feel as
if there is no one left who loves them after their recent loss. These feelings makes it
much more difficult for a person to move past the grieving stage as they tend to dwell on
the past and wish to bring back the loved one whom they lost (Scalise, 2014).
There are many different forms of trauma that can bring forth a crisis and loss.
One specific form is domestic abuse. Domestic abuse can be defined as,
“any incident of threatening behavior, violence or abuse (psychological, physical,
sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been an intimate
partner or family member, regardless of gender or sexuality and is one of the most
common forms of inter-personal violence internationally” (Howard, Trevillion,
Khalifeh, Woodall, Agnew-Davies, and Feder, 2009, p. 881).
Men as well as women can be victims of domestic abuse, though women are more likely.
The most common forms of domestic abuse that women face are coercive, sexual and
severe physical violence (Howard et al., 2009). However, it is not only the victim that
can be negatively affected by abuse, a witness can have just as negative of effects as well.

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Therefore, domestic violence negatively affects both women and their children as well as
their relationship with one another.
Domestic violence towards women has been around in the United States for quite
some time now. In fact, violent acts toward women date back all the way to the 1800s.
Before this time period, violence toward women was unheard of until the state of
Alabama enforced the “husbandly” right to physically punish a spouse (Barner & Carney,
2011). As time went on, this law began to get out of hand, bringing for the new law of
“rule of thumb.” This law prohibited a man to beat his wife with anything wider than his
thumb. This went on throughout the United States until the 1970s when a small
Pennsylvania town put some restrictions on it saying that wife beating was prohibited
only after 10pm on Sundays (Martins, Holzapfel, & Baker, 1992). As the late 70s
approached, women began to speak up for themselves and fight back. Women’s shelters
began to become more common and widely known, giving more women a safe place to
escape, as well as receive the care and help that they desperately needed. As these
shelters became more popular, they began to seek the help of law enforcement, health
care, and other social service agencies to provide greater funding and services for the
women (Barner & Carney, 2011). Currently, domestic violence is not tolerated and is
punishable by law, resulting in the perpetrator going to prison, losing custody of their
children, and attending court mandated counseling (Barner & Carney, 2011).
A 2001 British Crime Survey estimated that 45% of women aged 16-59 have
experienced some form of domestic abuse in their lifetime (Howard, Trevillion, Khalifeh,
Woodall, & Feder, 2010). However, of this total, not nearly enough of the women
received the help that they needed. This is because domestic violence is greatly

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underreported. The World Health Organization conducted a multi-country evaluation on
the percent of women who report their abuse and found that it varied from each site with
numbers as low as 15% of cases being reported (Howard et al., 2010). There are various
reasons why domestic violence is underreported. According to Gail Castman, Program
Director at Bay Area Women's Shelter in Bay City, Michigan, many woman choose not
to report the abuse due to fear, feelings of love toward the perpetrator, financial
dependency from the perpetrator, the abuser being the father of their children, pressure
from their families to keep their marriage together, and a pattern of growing up with
abuse and feeling as if it is normal and what they deserve (personal communication, July
15, 2014). Castman also noted that of those women who do report the abuse, many of
them will return to the perpetrator up to seven times before leaving for good (personal
communication, July 15, 2014). The reasons for not reporting abuse can differ for older
women. For example, many women's shelters and domestic abuse services are not
always appropriate for older women. This is due to a lack of disability facilities such a
wheelchair accessible entry ways and elevators. Other reasons include a lack of support
groups and specialized therapy sessions that are appropriate for older women. Another
reason can include older women not being aware of what is available to them. Many
older women do not use the internet or have a cell phone and therefore do not have easy
access to being able to research what is available to them. A way that this can be
resolved is for churches and newspapers to advertise local women's shelters in order to
make then known and available to older people (McGarry & Simpson, 2010).
Domestic abuse has lasting negative impacts on women that can forever change
their life. With so many women not reporting the abuse and staying in contact with the

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perpetrator, the damaging effects are even more life threatening. Many women have
described feeling invisible to others, including their family members as often people
ignore what is going on. People do not often talk about domestic violence and choose to
ignore it in an effort to keep a family together. Although this may seem like the right
thing to do, the lasting effects are much worse (Crawford, Liebling-Kalifani, & Hill,
2009). Along with feeling invisible, women reported feeling devalued of their identity.
The abuse, no matter what form it is, makes the women feel as if they do not have a voice
of their own or a right to an opinion, and feel like they are not worthy of respect or
dignity. Another common feeling that women encounter is that of failure. They feel that
the abuse is their own fault and that it is a result of them failing in their relationship. Due
to these feelings, the women are often left doubting their ability to make decisions on
their own, leaving them more and more dependent on their abusive partner (Crawford et
al., 2009).
Along with feelings of shame and a diminished sense of self, women who have
been abused often turn to drugs and other harmful substances as a form of coping.
According to Gail Castman, many of the women begin to self medicate with the use of
habit forming drugs as a way to reduce pain and mentally escape from what is going on.
This can result in the women becoming addicted to the substance in which they use,
resulting in job loss, becoming ill and being more vulnerable to being abused (personal
communication, July 15, 2014). In addition to turning to substance abuse and being
physically harmed, domestic violence can result in many mental health problems. These
can include post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, suicidal ideation, functional
symptoms and a plethora of psychotic symptoms (Howard et al., 2010). These disorders

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truly affect a woman's ability to live a healthy and functional life. Without treatment to
these disorders, they can begin to worsen and take over a person's ability live out their
daily tasks and identify with who they once were. Unfortunately, many women do not
get the mental health treatment that they need.
It has been found that about fifty-six percent of women who are domestically
abused are between the ages of 18 and 34 years old; the childbearing years (Letourneau,
Morris, Secco, Stewart, Hughes, & Critchley, 2013). A 2011 study determined that when
women are exposed to domestic violence while pregnant, the natural process of them
recognizing themselves as a mother and the fetus as their child is disrupted. When the
child is finally born, these mothers do not have that natural motherly instinct because
they were not able to spend their pregnancy thinking about their child and preparing
themselves for being a mother. These mothers cannot handle the stress of being a mother
due to the lack of preparation as well as the mental strain and destruction of their
confidence caused by the abuse (Levendosky, Bocks, & Bogat, 2011). This causes a
negative impact on the mother/child relationship as the mother is mentally distracted and
not fully invested in the relationship. This is not good for children because the
mother/child relationship is one of the most important relationships that they will develop
in their lives. This relationship is one of the first ones that a child encounters in his or her
life and is one that shapes who they are and how they live their life. When children are
deprived of this early relationship with their mothers, they are not able to develop in the
way that they should. Many times when there is domestic abuse present within a
household, children receive "spillover" from the stress of their mothers, resulting in the
child becoming overly sensitive to stressful situations and needy due to the lack of

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attention and care that they need. Some mothers reported crying while her young child
cried, not being able to handle the added stress to the struggles that they were already
facing. Other mothers noticed that they had little verbal communication with their child
as they began to speak due to a lack of nurturing and bonding during the early stages
(Letourneau et al., 2013).
When domestic abuse is not reported and women do not get the help that they
need, the mother/child relationship can continue throughout the child's life and into
adulthood. Gail Castman of the Bay Area Women's Shelter said that she notices a lot of
negative impact on women's relationships with their children at the shelter. She stated
that many children regress back to infancy and cling to their mothers, fearing being left
alone and not receiving the attention that they are craving. Other children return to bed
wetting, crying and throwing temper tantrums, arguing with their mother's when mothers
are trying to display authority and acting out in public. With the older children, she noted
them being mad at their mothers for making them live in a shelter, using negative
language when talking about their mothers and turning against their mothers for putting
them through distress and an unconventional lifestyle (personal communication, July 15,
2014). One mother who had been abused stated of her child, "my daughter was oldest and
is mentally scarred, she will never ever live forward. She continues to dwell on the past
events she has witnessed and finds it hard to be positive in terms of her life and
relationships" (McGarry & Simpson, 2010, p. 35). Another mother stated that her
daughter feels as if both her and her mother are different people than they were before the
abuse took place (McGarry & Simpson, 2010).

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Being a child of a mother who has been abused not only affects the mother/child
relationship, it affects a child's mental health, physical health, ability to create positive
relationships and focus in school. This is widely due to the chaotic and stressful events
that they witness and have no control over. Due to these events, children lose the ability
to trust people and cannot develop a healthy sense of personal control and lack the
capacity to feel safe and secure in the world. When children feel out of control and
unsafe, they have a difficult time functioning in the way that they should and often fall
behind their peers in terms of development (Thompson & Trice-Black, 2012).
Children who have witnessed domestic violence are also at risk for developing
emotional issues. Many children begin to feel depressed or anxious and have difficulty
sleeping which can cause them to withdraw themselves from engaging in relationships
with their parents and peers. Some children have even blamed themselves for what is
happening within their household. They feel as if the abuse is happening because of
something that they did and feel guilty that it has happened and were not able to prevent
it. Some children may become so depressed and burdened with guilt that they turn to
suicidal thoughts, phobias and a diminished self-esteem. Other children can develop
PTSD from the traumatic events that they have witnessed and endured (Zerk, Mertin, &
Proeve, 2009).
The negative effects of witnessing domestic violence also impacts a child's ability
to behave properly in school and engage in positive activities. Many children have been
seen to externally display their emotions through expressions of hyperactivity, lowered
impulse control, temper tantrums, aggression, bullying, and cruelty to animals
(Thompson & Trice-Black, 2012). These negative actions cause children to fall behind in

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school due to the lack of focus and ability to get their work done as well as outbursts in
class resulting in them getting in trouble with authority, even suspended or expelled.
These negative attitudes can follow children into adulthood as well. The poor social
skills and aggressive behaviors in childhood can lead to troublesome activities in
adolescence such as substance abuse, aggressive and antisocial behavior, relational
problems in school and a decreased academic achievement (Thompson & Trice-Black,
2012). When these problems continue into college, students have been known to
experience depression, trauma-related symptoms and lower self-esteem. If these
problems continue into adulthood, it has been known create a higher chance for
individuals to become involved in violent behavior, criminal activity and bad parenting
(Thompson & Trice-Black, 2012).
Though the effects of domestic violence are damaging to both women and
children, there are some things that can be done to help. There are many psychological
interventions that can be beneficial to women who are suffering from depression and
PTSD due to domestic abuse. The most popular form is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Studies have shown that there have been major improvements in psychological symptoms
of women who have received the therapy. However, these improvements can only be
made if the woman is no longer in the abusive relationship (Howard et al., 2010). Other
things that are available to women are crisis hotlines, support groups and shelter houses.
Gail Castman of the Bay Area Women's Shelter said that they offer their residents
different forms of crisis intervention, a personal counselor, as well as help them develop a
plan of action. The women and their children also receive three meals a day while at the
shelter along with any personal items needed. The women are able to stay until they feel

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safe and have another place to go. The women also get connected with the Department
of Human Services to give them financial assistance and help them get back on their feet
(personal communication, July 15, 2014). Along with professional help, the support of
family and friends is also beneficial in helping women recover from the effects of
domestic abuse. Some things that family and friends can do to show support and help
women overcome the abuse is to withhold judgment regarding the women's decision to
leave the relationship, offer an empathetic and supportive ear, help the women with
safety measures and a plan of action, and provide them with information about services
within their area that can help them (Hoff, Hallisey,& Hoff, 2009).
Children who are displaying negative effects from witnessing domestic abuse can
benefit from group counseling. It has been found that group counseling is one of the
most efficient resources in helping children who have been exposed to domestic violence
to promote their growth and development. This form of treatment provides children
access to peers they can relate to who have experienced similar situations. This provides
kids with support and empowers them to create a bond and provide help to one another.
A group setting offers children an environment in which they can trust others and connect
with others by sharing their emotions. Groups also provide children with new social skills
and a positive peer group as well as helping them to be able to show proper empathy for
others (Thompson & Trice-Black, 2012). Another form of treatment that has shown
positive results is play therapy. This form of therapy is great for working with younger
children who have been affected by domestic abuse. Play therapy allows children
separate their current emotions from the disturbing emotions and memories that have
been brought on by their past. In play therapy, children use toys to explore their

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emotions and bring up hidden fears and tensions that have been related to the trauma that
they have experienced. By doing this, children begin experience a sense of control as
they are able to fantasize and create situations with the toys. Through this, children begin
to gain their self-identity back by feeling a sense of empowerment rather than
helplessness (Thompson & Trice-Black, 2012).
Churches and faith centered agencies can offer support and healing as well.
Christians are called to be supportive and help others who are in need. The Lord has
equipped everyone with special skills and abilities in which He instructs to be used for
the good of others. For example, 1 Peter 4:10 states, "As each has received a gift, use it
to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace" (Holy Bible, ESV). The
Lord also instructs believers to be there for others in their times of celebration as well as
in their time of need. This is displayed in Romans 12:15 which states, "Rejoice with
those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Holy Bible, ESV). These verses show
the ways in which Christians should act towards one another, helping each other in times
of need and supporting each other through hard times. If every Christian did this, more
people who are victims of abuse could receive the help that they need. One church in
Chicago, Illinois is taking the steps needed to do just that. Moody Church has developed
a model that helps women who have been victims of domestic violence. This model was
created through a ministry at the church called Set Free. The foundation of this ministry
is rooted in the calling that the Lord laid out in the Bible and is centered around prayer.
Throughout the program, women are educated on the effects of family violence and are
given referrals to places within the community that can help them. They also provide
Biblically-based treatments for male perpetrators in order to stop the cycle of family

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violence. Prayer is also something that is highly incorporated. If a woman chooses, she
can be connected to a consistent prayer partner who has been appropriately trained in
domestic violence treatment. This gives them woman peace of mind knowing that
someone is on their side and praying for them as well gives them the professional
assistance that they need (Danielson, Lucas, Malinowski, & Pittman, 2009). This
program has been shown to be highly effective with the women in the Chicago area. If
more churches and shelters would create a program similar to this, more women could
receive the help that they need along with a renewed faith in the ultimate healer, God
Almighty.
Domestic violence is something that has been around for many years, negatively
affecting numerous people, disrupting their lives. The negative impacts not only effect
the victim, but effect the witness as well. Evidence has shown that witnessing domestic
abuse within the home negatively impacts children, leaving them with lasting
psychological symptoms as well as an inability to form meaningful relationships.
Research has also shown that being a victim of domestic abuse greatly reduces a woman's
ability to create a nurturing and healthy relationship with their child, causing more
trouble within the home and throughout the child's life. In order to see the greater lasting
effects this has on children, more research will need to be done on adults who witnessed
abuse as a child. This will give a clearer understanding of how damaging the effects can
be as well as how successful treatment options can be.

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