Various Perspectives on Family

2. God, not to provide instructions for avoiding divine
wrath.
Dr Ladner writes about some of the challenges
before the Synod, especially from the perspectives of
women and children. She also discusses different family
situations and the situations of domestic violence.
Amaladoss, SJ and Edward, SJ reminds us that the
problems of Asian and African families are different
from that of Europe. Konrad, SJ offers some suggestions
to deal with the mid life crises, which is an issue faced by
many families. Jerry, SJ puts the encyclical 'Humane
Vitae' of Pope PaulVI in a nutshell, he reminds the priests
and religious of the duty to teach and explain the
teachings of encyclicals. Even in this globalized modern
world, gender equality is a farfetched dream, says Sr
Soumini. Broken families are a reality today. Pope
Francis repeatedly emphasizes the need of pastoral care
to them, which is elaborated by Johnson, SJ. Interview,
story, poem and other articles tries to look at joys and
strugglesof thefamilylife.
I echo the words of Bishop Peter Doyle (he heads
the Northampton diocese in England), "I thought I
understood marriage and family life because I come from
a family, because I've ministered for 37 years in a parish,"
said Doyle. "When I got involved in marriage and family
life, I suddenly realized that there was a whole world
there that I didn't know." "I am a little concerned that
there is a big area that we don't actually understand." We
too have tried to speak a little about the family life, from
our own limited perspectives. We hope that the laity
starts participating and contributing in the discussions
concerning family life. May the Spirit of God guide the
Synod fathers to reveal the merciful face of Jesus through
hisChurch.Wishyouallafruitfulreadingtime.
nd
(Arun is a 2 year philosopher at JDV, Pune. )
T
According to
Karl Rahner, the doctrine enables the church to speak to
the real problems of real people. Doctrine extends to
members of the church a helping hand rather than a
wagging finger. It exists to facilitate a relationship with
he world Synod of Bishops on the family is not a
parliament where participants will negotiate or
lobby, Pope Francis said, but it must be a place
of prayer where bishops speak with courage and open
themselves to “God who always surprises us.” He further
states that the fidelity, truth, love must guide church
outreach to families. The church must encourage
families and defend faithful love, the sacredness of every
human life and “the unity and indissolubility” of
marriage. At the same time, he said, the church must
carry out its mission with charity, not only “not pointing a
finger in judgment of others,” but also seeking out all
who are lonely and in pain, caring for “hurting couples
withthebalmofacceptanceandmercy.”
The two family Synods (2014 & 2015) are
expressions from the church towards this reality called
family, the essential building block of the society. Dr
Sandler in his article calls this season, a Kairos time of
mercy. There is a great expectation within the church,
some hoping for a change, some otherwise. The press
could frame the synod as political conference where 2
parties are struggling with the doctrine.
02
Arun Philip Simon, SJ
EditorialEditorial
OCTOBER 2015OCTOBER 2015

3. and affect the growth of children, single parent families,
etc. Such problems need understanding, support and
compassion.
Pope Francis is trying to give a pastoral
orientation, guided by understanding and mercy, to the
way the married couple are treated in the Church. An
example will be the situation of people divorced and
remarried. One group holds on to the doctrine that
Christian marriage is indissoluble and that the people
who are divorced and
remarried are living in a
permanent state of sin.
Pope Francis has been
insisting that these
p e o p l e a r e n o t
e x c o m m u n i c a t e d .
Various situations must
be considered – for
example, a young mother
w i t h c h i l d r e n ,
abandoned by their
father. She is not responsible for the divorce. But the
Church has only one solution – to try to declare the first
marriage invalid. This is often a complicated, expensive
and time consuming process. How can we approach the
situation pastorally with mercy and compassion, as the
Lord would? Pope Benedict XVI said that many of the
marriages today, given a lack of understanding and faith,
and a clear intention, may not be valid at all in the first
place. Pope Francis has also refused to judge people
with homosexual tendencies. Our guiding principles
must not only be abstract and legal, but contextual,
Christ-like, merciful and pastoral. To develop such
principles may be the most difficult challenge of the
Synod!
(Amaladoss SJ, a Jesuit theologian, is the Director of
Institute of Dialogue with Cultures and Religions at
Chennai)
y first expectation of the family synod in
October 2015 is that it will really be a free
Mspace for the Bishops of the world to discuss
contemporary problems and advice the Pope on what
needs to be done to promote authentic Christian life. Till
now the synods were heavily controlled by the Pope and
his group in various open and hidden ways. In the
previoussession Pope FrancisaskedtheBishops tospeak
freely and openly, votes were taken on the topics
discussed and published.
Before both sessions the
opinion of the People of
God was sought, though
the Bishops in many
areas did not do it.
Unfortunately, they are
not accustomed to do so.
So I hope that the Synod
will offer an occasion for
the Bishops to discuss the
issues freely and reach a
consensus about possible pastoral actions to which the
Pope can respond creatively. This is collegiality in
action – 50 years after Vatican II and it is most welcome.
I hope this will set a pattern that will be continued even
outsidethesynods.
The African bishops and theologians have
already complained that the synods tend to be dominated
by the Europeans and their problems with not much time
for the problems and views of the Third World churches.
I hope that this will be remedied. TheAfricans spoke, for
instance, about a marriage consent that is arrived at
through a long process involving many people and not
just at the moment of the ceremony, of the violence that
women often suffer in families, of the poverty that
impacts families, of problems with alcohol, etc. In the
Third world we also have problems connected with job-
orientedmigrationsthatdividefamiliesforlongperiods
03 October 2015October 2015
My Expectations from the SynodMy Expectations from the Synod
M. Amaladoss, SJ
Article

4. course the conservativepress was irritated,whenVatican
Spokesman Federico Lombardi confirmed the phone call
and explained that this has been a private pastoral
conversation with no relevance for the doctrine of the
church. Did the Pope himself disregard the Doctrine of
the Church and the Canon Law? This is definitely not the
case. The pope respects and also quotes the legal
regulations and the rigid position of Jesus who said that
man must not separate what God has connected. But he
also stands up for a pastoral room to move. His position
may be similar to the words of
Jesus, “The Sabbath was made for
man, and not man for the
Sabbath” (Mk 2:27). Certainly,
Pope Francis has been moulded
by his pastoral practice in the
slums, where – as he once
explicated – 90% of grown up
inhabitants were living in so
called irregular relations. Should
they all be hindered to receive
sacraments? Or should the Pope intentionally break the
law and consistently fight for new regulations?As a wise
man once said, law and regulations are like crash barriers
on a highway. No doubt, they are necessary, but nobody
should decidetodriveonthecrashbarriers.
For sure it is no good solution to leave a too hard and
partially unfair law as it is, with the recommendation to
neglect it in hard cases. This would load the burden on
those who cannot manage. Law must be followed
generally and it has to be adapted if it proves
inappropriate. Pope Francis engages in both directions.
He opts for pastoral room to move and he still takes the
Catholic doctrine serious. So he initiated reforms with an
open and therefore dramatic dialogue, where every party
has a vote. The forthcoming second Synod on Family
willbetheproceedingofthiscommitment.
(Dr. Sandler is a professor for Dogmatic Theology at
the University of Innsbruck, Austria)
ontroversies and Pastoral Practice regarding
Cthepresentdoctrine.
Thepresentdoctrineof theCatholicChurch, as it
had been impressed by John Paul II in “Familiaris
Consortio” (1981), has provoked hard controversies all
over the world, but especially in German speaking
Countries. Many bishops and theologians have
addressed cases of hardship; for example, a woman was
left by her husband without fault and is compelled to
form a new family in order to bring up her children. In
1993, three bishops in Germany
published a prescription
containing such a guided way of
repentance. This had been
rejected by theVatican. Since then
there is an ongoing polarization
between liberal and conservative
Christians.
ThepositionofPopeFrancis
In one of the first interviews, Pope Francis
emphasized, I believe that this is the season of mercy. [...]
The Church is a mother, and she must travel this path of
mercy. And find a form of mercy for all. When the
prodigal son returned home, I don't think his father told
him‚ 'You sit down and listen. What did you do with the
money?' No! He celebrated! Then, perhaps, when the
son was ready to speak, he spoke. The Church has to do
this, when there is someone… not only wait for them, but
go out and find them!That is what mercy is.And I believe
thatthisis akairos,thistimeisakairosofmercy.”
An irritatingphone call
InApril 2014, anArgentine mother who had been left
by her husband and remarried deplored her grief of being
rejected to receive sacraments in a letter to Pope Francis.
Francis answered with one of his famous phone calls.As
the woman contested, the Pope recommended her: “Go
to another church and confess, there is no problem.” Of
04 October 2015October 2015
Dr. Willibald Sandler
A Kairos of Mercy
Pope Francis on Divorced and Remarried Christians
A Kairos of Mercy
Pope Francis on Divorced and Remarried Christians
Article

5. together, do some group activity, etc… may work. But
often it may not work because the problems are not
rational ones but emotional ones, so logical or rational
analysis may not help. The pastor should also be in touch
with his own feelings and pre-conceived ideas. He
should be more of a listener and should listen to the
family and not just to their problems. Neutrality of the
pastor is important if he is to be effective. Over and
above, the spiritual aspect of the family life and family
prayer,thoughoutoffashion,should bestressed.
In cases of already dysfunctional families, the
pastor could try to mediate healing the wounds and scars
of a broken relationship which is a very painful affair.
The whole family would have gone through a trauma.
The children would be the worst affected. Special care
should be taken of the spiritual, emotional and
psychological growth. Since life as a single parent is
difficult a support group could be set-up. The broken
families could be brought together for mutual support
and enrichment. Happy and mature families could be
encouraged to help the dysfunctional ones. Small
Christian communities (SCC) could play a major role in
the welfare of the families. The Parish as a community
can play a very vital role to maintain and nurture the well-
being of its basic unit which is the family. It is the pastor's
responsibilitytofacilitatethis.
rd
(Johnson, SJ is a 3 year theologian at JDV, Pune)
amily is central to a person's life and formation.
Since families are the basic blocks of the society
Fand the parish, the quality of families will
determine the quality of the society and the parish. Every
family will have its own major and minor problems like
adjustment problems among the spouses, over-indulgent
parents, hyper-critical parents, too lax or too strict
parenting, problems with children, in-laws issues… and
the list can go on. These problems are more acute now
than ever before because of many factors like the nuclear
families that make a person more individualistic and self-
centred, which makes adjustments after marriage
difficult, the growing stress of the career due to which not
muchtimeorenergyisleftforthefamilyandso on.
These problems could remain as minor irritants
or could blow-up to such an extent to make the family
dysfunctional. A pastor should play a role in helping the
families to deal with these problems by providing
spiritual, emotional, pastoral and psychological care. For
this the pastor should be sufficiently trained while
keeping in mind that the best training is growth in
holiness. This healthy intervention by the pastor could
act as both curative and preventive means to make the
family life closer to the ideal one and to prevent it from
becomingadysfunctionalfamily.
The following are the features of a dysfunctional
family: conditional love, secrets, mental problems,
financial ruin, chemical dependency, blame, indirect
communication, repression of feelings, suspicion and
control. Such families are the breeding grounds for
myriad addictions. Children brought up in such an
atmosphere develop shame-based identity which causes
them excruciating pain. Addiction becomes a way to get
outofsuchpain.
Sometimes giving practical and logical
suggestions like make a budget, smile often, spend more
timetogether,goforaretreattogether,goforavacation
05 October 2015October 2015
Broken Families and Pastoral CareBroken Families and Pastoral Care
Johnson Kuruvilla SJ
Article

6. that the whole problem of the modern family centers on
the matter of poor coordination and communication
betweenparents.
The wrap-speed world where enormous
information of various kind such as good, bad and ugly
prevail, seems to be attracting the young ones more.They
are fully exposed to the vast and unlimited information
which play a vital role in shaping their lives. Sometimes
the effect of the outside world is so much on them that it
becomes uncontrollable for the parents to control their
children. Perhaps they give up at times and simply let
their children proceed ahead with their own world. If at
all parents take good care to their children, nurture them
in a conducive atmosphere and help
them to cultivate good habits, the
whole family will blossom far beyond
expectations. But if they let the weeds
take root in their lives, the lasting
peace of mind and deep inner
harmonywillalwayseludethefamily.
Passing over the changes from
past to the present each member of the
family whether young or old, must
realize that the time has come to
devote oneself to be a model for each
other. In no way one can avoid being
away from the family. Frederick
Buechner says that we can bid our
family and friends good-bye and put
miles between us but at the same time we carry them with
us in our mind and heart because we do not just live in a
worldbutaworldlivesinus.
nd
(Jeevan is a 2 year philosophy student at JDV, Pune)
amily is known to be an integral part of every
human being. It rewards completeness to those
Fwho really incorporate it in their lives. It is where
we all belong to and from where we get our identity. It is
our family which keeps us together during our ups and
downs, giving us the experience of real joy, love, strength
and confidence. Thus, each one becomes obliged to play
a certain role within the family as its member. A good
family makes a good society and a good society makes a
good nation.
However, in this modern era it is obvious to see
people becoming insensitive towards the family life. The
individuality has paved a way into people's life making
them ignorant. There was a time when
our traditional families used to be a
stable type whose dissolution was
rarely thought of. They had faced the
world as one unit. But today it has all
changed. Today family has become
unstable and ready-made where
individuals are just there for use as
long as they feel the need for each
other. The instability of the modern
family is, indeed, so great that many
are considering it just as an institution
or organization. The control of the
family over its members has decreased
drastically. The respect for each other
is hardly seen. Especially, the younger
generation seems to dislike any interference by their
elders.
The rapid advancement in every field, social
media in particular, has made young ones to be
individualistic. They look for privacy everywhere. Any
objection to navigate the social media in secret is not seen
in good light. Parents fail on their part to mould and guide
their children. The unhealthy relationship between the
parents affects their lives badly. There can be no doubt
06 October 2015October 2015
Family Where Life BeginsFamily Where Life Begins
Jeevan Issac, SJ
Article
Our Family is a circle of strength; Founded
on Faith, Joined in Love, Kept by God,
Together forever.

7. careers, or in the “empty nest” period of family life.Work
and life pressure may be seen during the career building
or child rearing years that can strain intimate
relationships causing unhappiness. During the middle
phase of married life, since the children are no longer
dependent on parents, the parents should re-focus on
their relationship and spend more time together,
especially evaluating their relationship based on the
happinessfactor.
The length and quality of the marriage relationship
predicts marital happiness. Marital happiness is often
found to be the highest in longer-term marriages, partly
because unhappy marriages would have dissolved. The
frequency of activities together and satisfactions with
type and amount of intimate or private time are
important. Satisfaction with intimacy and spending more
time together influences the odds of being happy in a
marital union. It has been observed that economic
stresses, concern over finances, poor self-reported health
areassociatedwithlowerlevelsofmaritalhappiness.
As people age and horizons come closer, it is
important for happily married couples to invest in what
are most important, i.e. meaningful relationships, and
derive increasingly greater satisfaction from those
investments.The middle years of married life should be a
time for re- calibration, when couples begin to evaluate
their lives less in terms of social competition and more in
terms of social connectedness, with happiness being a
prime determining factor. It is important to realize that as
the future becomes less distant, more constrained, that
focusing on the present is more important, and that the
emotional experience of togetherness and growth is the
key. This then makes the middle years of married life
more about meaning making, savoring and living for the
moment.
(Fr. Konrad is a faculty member at JDV, Pune)
idlife is a time to take stock. It might be a
time for development-professional or
Motherwise; of indulging in things not done in
the previous decades, like, comedy, cooking, art, music
or theatre; anything, in fact, that broadens perception. It
is a time to reflect, looking backward, while looking
forward. Although the term midlife is mostly related to
individual stasis or growth, it can also be understood
from the perspective of growth or stasis in family life.
The middle phase of family life is the time when husband
and wife take stock of their relationship, after the
children have grown up, are independent, have moved
out either due to marriage, or because of other reasons. It
is a time to take stock of the happiness factor in the
marriage. Happiness in marriages is a predictor that
differentiates a dissatisfied marriage from a satisfied one.
Even though the institution of marriage has changed
considerably over time, marriage continues to remain a
highly valued and popular institution and marital
relationships are consistently found to be central to
individual and family development. Religion influences
marital satisfaction since religious faith encourages
marital and family commitment, a stronger orientation
towardamoralcommunity,andasense of caring.
Marital relationships are not static and may change
over the life span in response to changing life course
demands. Those in the child bearing or career building
years have greater role demands than those settled in
07 October 2015October 2015
Happiness in The Middle Stage of Family LifeHappiness in The Middle Stage of Family Life
KonradNoronha, SJ
Article

8. life. The shift between what is central to life to what is
peripheral to life happened at the cost of the value system
itself. Individualism is also growing in the significant
speed in the urban areas. Many of the young men and
women who were born in the middle class families have
witnessed the financial struggles of their parents. For
them acquiring a new thing is not only about the utility of
the product, but the expression of their middle class
legacy. Relationship in the family used to be the mainstay
of family life and offered a buffer against the pressures
'outside.' Today 'inside' modern families the gadgets got
more sophisticated, while the personal relationships
grewmoreimpoverished.
The elite families of modern India have their
share in the dissolution of our cultures and values in the
name of western civilization. The philosophy of
insatiability moved them to have latest gadgets, clothes
and even new relationships; they become novelty-
seekers. The value system diminished to a large extent of
having an aggressive lust for newer things which is
mimicked even in relationships. In this frantic pace, they
forget the underprivileged. The media (too) have their
own role in this drastic transition to money based values.
First, workplace, then the public forum, and now the
family bedroom are wired with TV and social networks.
The private space of family is now violated by public
discussions, entertainmentsandcommercials.
Cont’d on pg 9.
istorians, sociologists and philosophers would
agree that family is the basic unit as well as the
most important institution in all humanHsocieties. Each individual is part of a particular society
which takes its identity and uniqueness from a particular
culture. An individual thus belongs to a family which in
turn belongs to a particular society. We are thus the
product of the interaction between family and society.
The ethics, value systems, distractions, and struggles of
each family coming from different backgrounds, shape
everyindividual.
The most relevant typology of families today is in
terms of economy. A family could be rightly understood
as an economic unit in which tradition meets with
modernity. We can find three groups of family namely
subaltern, middle class and elite background. The shift in
values taking place in these families is proportionate to
their participation in the world of globalization and
urbanization. Hence we find that the central philosophy
has shifted from 'enough' to 'more', and finally to
'insatiable'.
The family in a subaltern economy is the unit of
production. All the members of the family form the
production unit. The allocation of labour takes place in
the family level.They usually produce what they actually
need; they get cooperation from other households too.
They share a close affinity with nature. The values like
love, sharing, inter-dependence, hospitality and
community feeling are emerged here. This is the
underlying consciousness through which we can
homogenize the meta narratives of the subalterns. This
had been more or less (the) same with the other Indian
familiesuntilthelatenineteenthcentury.
The middle class and the elite families of urban
India today had greatly deviated from this lifestyle over
the few decades because of globalization and
consumerism. They are gradually losing the power to
discern between the essential and non-essential things of
08 October 2015October 2015
Notion of FamilyNotion of Family
G. Martin, SJ
Article

9. limbs, shredding their way with heavy loads on their
heads or breaking their bones under the scorching sun
and the beggars,( both men and women, young and old),
stretching their hands with great hope before others.
What moves them to fight their nasty odd is a matter of
wonder. Such a hope mostly evolves from the thought
about one's own family which is the very extension of
his/her being. It is the presence of someone waiting for us
thataddsmeaningandvigortoour littlelives.
The family life invites us to
a great feeling for the other and it
requires a great deal self-denial, a
great sacrifice which is in fact the
fruit of ones commitment to
his/her family. This commitment
emanates from pure love as said by
Eva Burrows, “In family life, love
is the oil that eases friction, the
cement that binds closer together,
and the music that brings
harmony.” And this love is strengthened by reciprocity.
The foundations of a family get shaken in the absence of
this reciprocity. Sometimes family is like the way to
Golgotha through which one has to carry his/her Holy
Cross. At sometimes it is like the Holy Sepulcher where
one experiences the terrible sting of separation. But after
all, it is the holy place where one undergoes the radiant
Resurrection.
st
(Shijo is a 1 year theology student at JDV, Pune)
amily is one of the best natural and social
discoveries the man has ever made in the history.
FSomeone has rightly said, “To better a person,
just arrange his/her marriage.” The family inculcates
fervor of belongingness and affinity within its members.
Famous is the story of two travelers who were chased by
a lion. They ran their best but only to halt themselves
before a large and furious river. Even though only one
knew swimming, the other agreed to jump into the river
on the promise that the other
would help him. But finally, the
one who knew swimming
drowned and the other reached the
other end safely. On asked how he
managed, he replied, “Look here,”
and then, he showed a small bag of
food tied to his waist. “I have a
poor family eagerly waiting for
myarrivalwiththis.”
One may not dare to jump
into the fierce currents of a river to save a stranger but
he/she would not hesitate to jump to save his/her own son
or daughter. What makes the difference is the 'dearness.'
It is this dearness that hurls one to great sacrifices and
risks. Stegodyphus lineatus is a European species of the
spider genus. They are Matriphagous (mother eating) in
nature. Initially, the mother spider feeds her newly
hatched spiderlings with sacks of specially laid eggs.
But, once the spiderlings shed their skins for the first time
and thus begin to grow, they need more food and the eggs
run out. Now the mother is helpless to feed these
hundreds of spiderlings. Therefore she presses herself on
to her children to offer herself as food. Deeper the love,
greater the sacrifice; greater the sacrifice, deeper the
love. Such dearness is unique to the family. How
meaningfulis thenthebirthpangs of amother?
Two categories of people always snatch my
attention – the old-aged with wrinkled bodies and feeble
09 October 2015October 2015
Shijo Kochupurackal,CST
Scattered Musings on Familial Love And SacrificeScattered Musings on Familial Love And Sacrifice
Notion of FamilyNotion of Family
Cont’dfrompg8
It is high time we got back to our Indian spiritual
roots of 'being more' rather than 'having more.' Let us not
fight modernity, but let us merge modernity with our
tradition. A changing world demands a new relationship
between men, women, children, God and Nature, a new
kindoffamily.
st
Martin is a 1 year theology student at JDV, Pune.
Article

10. or her ethical values. Sex education is not imparting sex
informationdissociatedwithmoralprinciples(FC 37).
Another important value to be imparted from the
childhood itself is the lesson of gender equality. I think
parents have a good role to make this a reality. Parents
should treat boys and girls equally at home. Our parents
usually set roles from the childhood itself. The girls are
supposed to do household chores Boys should be asked
to do every duty on their own. Parents should teach the
need of switching the roles,
which will help them in the
future. In case, husband
loses the job, he should
immediately think of taking
up the role of household
duties and should learn to
live with the wife's earning
instead of committing
suicide. There is nothing
demeaning and humiliating
if a man does the house hold
duties. If both are going for
job, both should do the works at home together. It is never
the work of women alone. Our priests and religious as
pastors should encourage people for such sharing of
responsibly. Even in the religious circle we see the
repercussions of this attitude. Often sisters are asked for
preparing for Mass, cleaning the church and sacristy,
washing the clothes, decoration etc. There is nothing
unbecomingforamantodo allthese.
Our family is our first and the best school to learn
all these lessons. Let us commit ourselves to the families
to convert every family in to a holy family- where God
lives. Where God lives there moral values flourish.
“Train children in the right way, and even when old, they
willnotstray”(Prov 22:6).
.
,
rd
(Sr Soumini is 3 year theology student at JDV)
ooking at the society today, what are some of the
values we wish to foster? Are we not desperate
Lto see corruption free leaders, a just judicial
system, committed politicians, genuine religious leaders
and justice to all - especially the poor, the oppressed,
women and children? India has to travel ahead much
faster in this regard; I mean to say, cultivating proper
values in our children. Emperor Akbar was fascinated to
encounter the missionaries who hesitated/refused to
absolve the sins (in
confession) of those who
didn't pay taxes to the
emperor. Today we are not
confident enough to speak
even about missionaries or
God men and women of such
credibility.
The very first lessons
of moral values are to be
learnt at the school of our
parents- our family. John
Paul II, in his Apostolic
Exhortation, Familiaris Consortio (The Role of
Christian Family in the Modern World) says, the parents
must train their children in the essential values of human
life. Children must grow up with a correct attitude of
freedom with regard to the material goods, with the
conviction that “the person is more precious for what s/he
IS thanwhats/heHAS”.
Pope continues, children must be enriched with
the sense of true justice and more powerfully by a sense
of true love and compassion especially to the poorest and
those in need. For this, they should be trained at home in
their attitude towards parents, brothers and sisters,
neighbours, beggars, domestic animals and even to the
plants and trees. Pope also reminds the parents about the
proper sex education to the children in the view of close
link between the sexual dimension of the person and his
10 October 2015October 2015
Family – A Cradle where Moral Values
can be Formed
Family – A Cradle where Moral Values
can be Formed
SrSoumini CSN
Article

11. breakup of families. How can we deal with the victims of
these human tragedies who often are women and children
belongingtodiverseethnicandreligiousgroups?
In the Asian culture family traditions are strong
and stable. However, Christians are a tiny minority in
many countries, especially in India. With growing
opportunities for better education and employment, the
younger generation is moving away
from their families to find employment
in big cities where they mingle with
men and women of different faiths,
leading to an increase in mixed
marriages. There is an urgent need to
address this issue to provide adequate
pastoralsupport tosuchfamilies.
Looking closer at the Asian
realities, the Asian bishops had said the
following 20 years ago: Perhaps the
greatest challenge to the Church is
posed by the Asian Family. The Asian
Family is a cellular receptacle of all
Asia's problems, poverty, repression,
exploitation and degradation, divisions and conflicts.
The family is directly affected by the religious, political,
economic, social and cultural problems of Asia -
problems relating to women, health, work, business,
education etc. (FABC Statement, Tokyo, 16-25 Sept
1986). More deaths are caused by poverty, violence and
conflicts and other issues of justice than by not following
norms of family planning. Therefore, the Church must
discernitsapproachestosuchissues.
Finally, many pastors are not competent to deal
with the issues related to the family. The Church
authorities need to have well trained teams of lay people
and pastors working together to provide pastoral support
tofamiliestoday.
(Fr. Edward is the rector of DNC, Pune)
he belief that the Church is a perfect society that
did not require updating and review changed
Tradically with Vatican Council II, fifty years
ago. There were many changes taking place all around
the world and in the Church. Vatican II, the most
representative Council ever held in the Church was
called by the then Pope John XXIII. It reviewed the
changes in the church's internal life and
its relationship with the wider world.
We are still grappling to understand and
implement its teachings. One thing that
had changed very noticeably with the
Council was in the use of language
w h e n i t s p o k e a b o u t o t h e r
denominations, people of other faiths
and ideologies. Rather than being
condemnatory, it was open and
dialogical. The documents it produced
were in the nature of guidelines and
directions to be applied and lived in the
local Churches (for e.g. the liturgy or
inter-religiousdialogue).
The Family Synod seems to be happening in a
very similar situation. Today's older generation grew up
with the image of an ideal family, consisting of father,
mother and children. Marriage was considered a
permanent union as we read in the Gospel of Mark,
“What God has joined, let no one separate” (Mk 10.9).
What used to be taboo some years ago, viz. divorce and
re-marriage, different sexual orientations, the rights of
the LGBT community, etc. have become topics of public
discourses and television debates these days. I expect the
synod to speak not only about the ideal Christian Family,
but also provide guidelines and a new language to
recognize and pastorally reach out with sensitivity to
these new developments. The situation of war and
conflicts in different parts of the world has severely
affected families, resulting in large-scale migration and
11 October 2015October 2015
The Expectationsfromthe FamilySynodThe Expectationsfromthe FamilySynod
Edward Mudavassery,SJ
Article

12. tootiredtoopenmyeyes.Nobody hasgoneforbegging.
At around 11:00 am, Arun comes running
towards us with a small hope on his face. He says, “We
have a chance of saving him. In the same hospital, a lady
is badly needs of a heart. If anyone of our heart matches
withherthentheywilldo theneedfulforMuhammad.”
We all march towards the hospital. People in the
hospital are looking at us as if they are looking at their
own shit. We never bother. We are fully focused to save
Muhammad's life. The doctor has already made the
necessary arrangements and taken our blood for testing.
We know, this is illegal but we, beggars, have no other
way. The doctor comes with the result. To my surprise,
the doctor tells me that I am the lucky one to sacrifice my
lifeandgivelifetothetwo.
I make my last lovable visit to Muhammad. My
mouth has never allowed me to utter a single word. It is
there, I realize the value of life. It is Muhammad who
brought me to the family. His sacrifices, his
encouragement, his care made me feel at home. He made
me feel that I belonged to that family. Actually he has
taught all of us what it is to be a family. With these
uncontrolled feelings and tears I entered the operation
theatre.
Now the doctor reveals me another truth. Since
my blood group matched with the patient's blood group,
he has done the DNA test, too. And the truth is that the
patient is my heartless MOTHER. My heartless mother
needs her unwanted child's heart. Before the operation
the doctor offers me a chance to see my mother which I
have refused. My heart still allows me to see her as a
stranger. With closed eyes on the bed, I asked myself,
“FAMILY? IS IT JUST LIFE-GIVING OR LIFE-
GENERATING?WHATISAFAMILY?”
nd
(John Paul is a 2 year philosophy student at JDV,
Pune)
very morning when I open my eyes it is a
mystery for me to meet an extra day in my life. I
Ehave no restriction regarding when to get up,
what to do and what not to do. I usually get up when I feel
hungry. Hunger and empty stomach are not something
unusual for me. At times, even old papers satisfy my
hunger. I am usually clothed with a thick layer of dust.
Humiliations and ill-treatments have become part of me.
I am made to forget that I am also a human being. Yet I
live.Sorry,I survive.
I now begin my choice-less profession, begging,
along with my made family (four energetic kids). I call
them family because I don't know my parents. I am told
that I was found in a dustbin. While collecting the waste
for their daily bread, this family found me and made me
feel at home. They named me as “RAJA” (the kingdom
of which I don't know). Since my right leg and hand had
been affected by polio, my genetic-parents threw me in
the dustbin. My disadvantage becomes an advantage for
my present family to support them. If I am not mistaken,
in my family nobody knows who their actual parents are.
However our normal schedule is to get up, go, beg, eat
(sometimes share), chat and sleep. And with great
assuranceIsaythatI amhappy with myfamily.
Yet another day! As I am begging an ambulance
crosses me. I see David and Arun inside. I am fully
flabbergasted in the mid of the signal not knowing what
to do.That night they had returned home with a long face.
I had enquired with them. They told me that our
Muhammad has met with an accident. To bring him alive
is next to impossible because of the cost of the operation.
I was thunderstruck. I leaned against the street lamp-post
forasupport.
The busiest city becomes a desert for me. I can
only hear my inner self which projects only the green
memories of Muhammad. I must confess that he loves
me more than anyone else. The next day morning I am
12 October 2015October 2015
What is a Family?What is a Family?
R John Paul,SJ
Story

13. irrespective of religion, divorce cases are on a rise in
India.
When we look at marriages of baptized
Christians it's no different. Couples face the same
difficulties with very little guidance for discernment
prior to marriage or during rough patches. Except
perhaps in the form of a few seminars and some teachings
which hardly seem relevant to the young people today.
They perhaps view this as advice from people who
cannot really identify with their real life situations. More
liketryingtolearnhow toswiminapoolwithoutwater!
(Uday and Lata Patil belongs to St.Xavier’s Parish
Pune)
hat do you understand by
Christian Marriage and what helps
Wyou tokeepyourfamilyunited?
Marriage is a coming together of two individuals
who commit to live life together. It's God's grace that
brings them together and it is God's grace that helps them
tolivethiscommitmentandbearfruit.
How practical are the Catholic Moral teaching
forahappy marriedlife?
Irrespective of religious or cultural differences
two individuals can have a difference of opinion on most
issues. Even decisions about who will sleep on which
side of the bed or whether to go shopping or not could be
tough decisions to make. It's God's grace and through
communicationonecanovercomethesehurdles.
Why is there an increase in number of divorce
casesamong Indian Christian?
Earlier although people faced difficulties in
marriage it was social pressure and fear of economic
instability that kept the marriages going. Couples learnt
tomendcrumblingrelationships.
Economic stability can lead to individualism,
arrogance, inflexibility and intolerance. It's often that
both individuals are working and both are economically
independent and have no economic compulsion. Daily
work pressures lowers their threshold of tolerance and
they often look for instant solutions to their problems. It's
more difficult when one of the partners is unreasonable.
Now to add to it we live in a fast moving society where
neighbors hardly know each other. So, it hardly makes a
difference because people may talk for a while among
themselves about the couple having separated or
divorced but they eventually have begun to accept it as a
way of life. This has tilted the balance. Hence,
13 October 2015October 2015
Interview with Uday and Lata PatilInterview with Uday and Lata Patil
For A Lot More...For A Lot More...
Video on Creative Crafts
- Ashish Pandoor
Video Talk: Walk with the Lord
- Fr Lawrence Fernandez
Video on Creative Crafts
Video Talk: Walk with the Lord
- Ashish Pandoor
- Fr Lawrence Fernandez
Web: www.dnctimes.com
Email: dnctimes@gmail.com
Web:
Email:
www.dnctimes.com
dnctimes@gmail.com

14. Catholic Marriage: Marital act is a very important part
of the married life. Both the partners give themselves
completely to each other. Unity among the married
couples and exclusive conjugal relation are important
propertiesoftheCatholicmarriage.
Contraception: The church is against contraception
because it leads to a very in-disciplined sex life.
Contraception encourages pre-marital sex and sex
outside marriage. The understanding of sex as an
important part of marriage is completely lost. The church
shows another alternative for family planning, i.e.
natural family planning. The use of natural cycle in
women for family planning gives more dignity and
respecttowomen's body andmakessexenjoyable.
Reaction to the encyclical: There are not many takers
for the idea proposed by the encyclical and it remains
perhaps one of the most controversial encyclicals in the
Church. There was open dissent to the encyclical starting
from Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, Dutch
Catechism, World Council of Churches and many others
groups. One of the reasons is that it limits the method to
fightagainstgrowingworldpopulationandHIV/AIDS.
One thing that I carry with myself is the teaching
on conjugal love and dignity to human person which has
been a revelation in the encyclical. For the Church, what
is true yesterday is also true today with respect to human
family.
rd
(Jerry is a 3 year theology student at JDV, Pune)
hile talking to Catholic families with regard
to the challenges in family lives, I am not
Wsurprised to know that most of them are not
in favour of certain teachings of the church, especially
with regard to the contraception. This reminded me of a
layperson who, while giving a class to us on the
challenges in family lives, said that the reason why
Catholics are not supportive of the Church teaching on
contraception and other issues related to it is because
they are not aware of the Church's teaching. The
encyclicals like Humanae Vitae are never mentioned in
the Church during the homilies. People want solid stuff
when they listen to the homilies, not just stories and
anecdotes.
The Church has written many beautiful
documents on Family and Human Sexuality; one such
document is the encyclical Humanae Vitae. Humanae
Vitae (Of Human Life) is the last encyclical of Pope Paul
VI written in 1968. I think the genesis of this encyclical is
from the encyclical Casti Connubii written by Pope Pius
IX in 1930. The Casti Connubii is written in response to
the demand by many Catholics to allow the use of
contraceptives after Anglican Communion's Lamberth
conference which allowed the use of contraceptives
within the marriage in limited circumstances. The
encyclical has explained the Church stand on many
issues like the purpose of marriage, sex and why the
Church is against the use of contraception. Some of the
key features of the encyclical Humanae Vitae are as
follows:
Transmission of life: The first sentence of Humanae
Vitae states that the transmission of human life is a most
serious role, where married people collaborate freely and
responsibly with God the creator.Therefore every human
life in whatever form it may be should be respected.And
married couples should realize and understand that a
transmission of life is a joyful duty towards the Church
andhumanity.
14
Jerry Dickson, SJ
HumanaeVitae: What was true
Yesterday is also true Today
HumanaeVitae: What was true
Yesterday is also true Today
Theology Corner
OCTOBER 2015OCTOBER 2015

15. Being in a small family with a few
members is always better than living in a
huge family. In a small family I
experience that all my needs are quickly
fulfilled. I get lots of love from my mom,
sister and brother. They have always loved me and
protected me. The way I was treated when I was in the
hospital was a marvelous thing for me. All my family
members were always with me and had spent their
maximum time and energy with me. They kept praying
for me and giving me all the possible support they could.
I would like to share one more thing that after my dad's
death in the year 2003 my brother and sister were a great
support to me and my mom. My brother really worked
hard and brought a joyful life which we could not have
imagined before. My brother is like my dad and my
sister is like my second mother. I am really blessed with
mysweetandlovingfamily.
- Joyse
Did you ever feel, even
for a moment, that in a family every
member is precious and unique? Being a
girl I feel that even a role of a house wife
in a family is very precious. Many people
think that this particular role is not very easy and even not
valued instead there is always mental stress. However, to
be honest I have felt that there is no mental stress in being
a house wife though lot of things are taken care by them
in a family. I got t through the experiences
and observations that I have been getting in my family.
Always I have seen my mother and aunty working at
home with joy and commitment. There is lot of
understanding between my father and mother and this is
whatthathaskeptallof us unitedandjoyful.
- Ankita
his realization
15
My understanding of family
based on my lived experiences
My understanding of family
based on my lived experiences
I strongly believe that every living
being on earth lives in a group and not in
isolation. Similarly we human beings
have family which is our first and primary
circle to which we live and belong.As one
single specie we all are humans. However, in practice we
assert our identity from our family. It gives us all that we
need from our infancy. Moreover, our life on earth begins
from a family and as we grow in age it even makes us
capable of creating a family of our own. Thus, with full
conviction I would say that family is like a fertile land
where we find our roots deep and our branches higher in
the sky. The deeper the roots go the stronger and higher
weemerge.
-Premkumar Bosco
Prayer for the Synod of Bishops
on Family
Holy Family of Nazareth, grant that our families too
may be places of communion and prayer,
authentic schools of the Gospel
and small domestic Churches.
Holy Family of Nazareth, may families never again
experience violence, rejection and division:
may all who have been hurt or scandalized
find ready comfort and healing.
Holy Family of Nazareth, may the Synod of Bishops
make us once more mindful
of the sacredness and inviolability of the family,
and its beauty in God's plan.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph,graciously hear our prayer!
Amen.
Opinions
OCTOBER 2015OCTOBER 2015

16. would such an age be called?Adlous Huxley would call it
“The Brave New World”. In this new world, all the new
creatures are created, trained to be part of a world, which
is ruled by a world government which believes in the
slogan “community, identity and stability”. Thus
everything that unsettles a person is eliminated under the
guiseofthisslogan.
Today, a milder version of the brave new world is
already seen. People seem to be fed up with the ups and
downs of genuine relationship
and resist getting into one, they
are happy with milder form of
relationships, even if it comes
from the unreal virtual social
network, they think it is too old
fashioned to rise up children, they
are too occupied to listen and
spend timewiththerealother.
Things are changing, will
change, and change drastically.
Amidst all these paradigm shifts,
what does it mean to deliberate on
family? What is its significance? Yes, There is. Even
today, family is where every individual looks “For A
Meaning In Life's Yearnings...” A family is where one
feels belonged, cared for, and loved. These are needs
which we intrinsically yearn for (at least, thus far!!), and
to a large extent family needs to fulfil that. I need to fulfil
that, and you need to fulfil that. One needs to give
meaning to other's life just as other gives meaning to
ours. While the accidents of the family might change,
but the essence of the family will remain so long as
humans remain. A place where one belongs cared and
loved!!
rd
(Sujay is a 3 year theology student at JDV,
Pune)
ike the many stereotypes that is broken today,
the notion of a typical family too is broken and
Lcut apart, sometimes even reducing them to
myths or ideations, which best can suit a good mental
utopia and nothing more to strive for. Family, in the
traditional sense, was always thought as consisting of
parents, children and extended persons and animals (in
some cases!). But today each of them is replaceable and
still is called a family. For example, family can be with a
single parent and children, with
no children, with two men or
women living together with their
children to minimize expenses,
foster families, step families, gay
and lesbian families, etc. Thus,
the biological father is replaced by
step father, a woman can be
replaced by a man; children can be
replaced by animals and pets; and
just like persons have been
replaced, so too the roles that each
one plays. The man is equally the
caretaker of children like the
mother, and woman is equally the bread winner like the
father, the once submissive and obedient children, today
are assertive and forceful. These are all part of family
today.
We could even go further on a wild though not
impossible imagination. While we still breed children,
there could be a time and place where children would be
produced in places called human production units.
People would no longer interested in going through the
whole laborious process. Since, all they want is a
continuation of the race; they would easily be possible
through latest embryo and cloning techniques!!! There
could be an age when the notion of the family could
become extinct, just like the Jurassic age.The present age
would then be called, “The FamilyAge”. I wonder, what
16
Sujay Daniel, SJ
“Accidents change, essence remains...”“Accidents change, essence remains...”
Article
OCTOBER 2015OCTOBER 2015

17. function in our complex and highly differentiated society
means a gruelling daily life within the interrelationship
of family, work, school, care, leisure, individual sphere,
…-akeywordis“Theexhaustedfamily”.
Are the different situations of women and men being
addressed?
Due to societal and economic circumstances,
women and men are involved in the family in different
ways.
Ÿ Because of continuing discrimination, the loving and
close cooperation in marriage and family as it has
been laid out in the Church documents (especially
Vatican II, Gaudium et spes 47-52) is still out of reach
for many women. Children of women who are
discriminatedagainstareaffectedbythis.
Ÿ For women the family is an important area of work
and life, but not the only one. Many perform the
balancing act between the needs of the family and the
demands of working life, thereby losing sight of
themselves(burnoutinmothers).
Ÿ It is predominantly women, who care for old and sick
at home (80% in Austria). How to enable a more just
divisionoftasks?
Ÿ The passing on of the faith – the Synod's concern –
takes place in families mainly through mothers and
grandmothers: they celebrate Easter and Advent,
explainreligioussymbols.
he following questions are not exhaustive and
notably are asked from a Central European
Tperspective. How they are answered at the
Synod in the fall of 2015 is open but central to the
credibilityof theCatholicChurchinmycountry.
What imagesofthefamilyareinuse?
The Catholic image of the family stands
alongside a broad variety of Christian life-concepts, life
paths and therefore family situations. Right now we have
a situation where families don't feel addressed or even
feel excluded because their specific situation doesn't
complywiththeidealimage.
Aredifferentfamilysituations perceived?
Christians can be found in different life- and
family-formations: well lived marriages with and
without children, failed marriages and partnerships,
good second marriages, single mothers and fathers,
patchwork families, homosexual partnerships with and
withoutchildren,singles,…
At the 2014 Synod these different situations had
their say at the beginning and were included in the first
paper.In theSynod's secondpaperIhardlyfindthem.
What about the complexity of the modern living
environment?
The reproductive work of families, especially the
cultivation of human relations, rarely gets rewarded.
Families contribute a lot to the functioning of societal
subsystems, but the
subsystems do not show
consideration for family
needs: working hours do
n o t t a k e f a m i l y
conditions into account;
long school holidays are
a huge challenge. The
factthatfamilieshaveto
17
Dr. Gertraud Ladner
Challenges to the Synod on FamilyChallenges to the Synod on Family
Article
Cont’don pg18
OCTOBER 2015OCTOBER 2015

18. Cont’dfromPg.17
Ÿ Partnership might have different meanings for men
and women. If he understands it as an arrangement
with regard to division of labour, she might consider
the quality of the relationship as crucial, regardless of
a fair division of labour. Partnership can, on the one
hand, be understood quite hierarchically or
contractual, on the other hand it can be interpreted as a
“deep companionship of married life and married
love” or a “gift of mutual devotion” (Gaudium et spes
48).
Ÿ Men's life continues to centre on working life. Many
would like to have more time for and with the family
than the societal and economic conditions allow. Men
are de facto privileged by society, which results in
personaldisadvantages.
Howistheposition of childrenbeingviewed?
Who speaks from the perspective of the children?
Parents don't always fulfil their obligations towards
c :hildren: Who ensures that children can claim their
18 OCTOBER 2015OCTOBER 2015
rights? Who supports parents so they can attend to their
duties?
Is domesticviolencebeingaddressed?
Contrary to the Christian images of the loving
family, many people experience extreme violence
particularly within their immediate social context. Do we
deal with this situation theologically and pastorally?Are
there programmes for the prevention of violence in the
immediate social context? Which images and types of
support are offered in order to accept ourselves as non-
perfectpersons andfamiliesanddevelopfurther?
Depending on the context there are very different
views on family and the responsibilities individual
members have toward each other.. This poses a big
challengetotheCatholicChurchas aworld church.
I look forward to the consultations and I trust on
thelife-givingpower of theHoly Spirit.
(Dr. Ladner, married and mother of two children, is
a professor for Systematic Theology at the University
of Innsbruck, Austria
Dale of LoveDale of Love
Challenges to the Synod on FamilyChallenges to the Synod on Family
Sr Maria RJM
Poem
A place where you can fly above and reach the stars;
Streams of Love and Joy on earth;
Where you can find joyous unity of holding hands and
uniting hearts;
Where you share your smiles and tears;
In the lights and shadows of your life.
Here the bud of love blooms in care and confidence.
It's FAMILY-Yours and Mine where you can find
yourself.
Let's not tear it out.
Keep enhancing and encouraging.
Love your family and Live your Family
(Sr Maria is doing her graduation at St Xavier’s
College, Ahmedabad)