Cows are useful for more than just food. They are studied through genetic research to produce offspring with desirable traits like increased milk production or meat quality. They are also used in medical research as a way to test new vaccines and disease treatments. The document discusses how artificial insemination is used to efficiently breed cows with specific traits by selectively choosing bull semen. It also notes cows are important to society by providing food, jobs for ranchers and scientists, and healthier animals through medical research.

1. The Usefulness of Cows
by: Nathanael W. Dungan
Cows. When you think of them, what do you think of? Milk? Hamburgers? Steaks? Or
do you think of artificially inseminating them in order to produce the best possible offspring? Or
perhaps, do you think about using them for research to help produce new vaccines to fight
viruses and bacteria?
Until recently I only thought of them on a food chain bases. And I was higher than them.
Don’t get me wrong, I still appreciate a good steak cooked medium well with some A-1 sauce.
But there are other reasons ways that cows are used.
One way they are used is genetic study which produces the best offspring available for
human use. They are able to produce cows which yield the most possible milk, or have the best
tasting meat. Another way they are used is as lab rats to produce disease fighting mechanisms.
I recently came into possession of a poster which illustrates through photos how to
artificially inseminate cows. And it is a good thing that the posters contain these photos
because otherwise I am not sure that I would understand it. You see, the written instructions
are in Spanish. And although I have two years of high school Spanish under my belt, it has
been a while since I spoke it. And even then I only learned how to say things such as, “What’s
up”, “What is your name?”, “Where is the bathroom?” and “I love large breasts”.
You are probably asking yourself two questions: “Why would a person need to
impregnate a cow in this manner?” and “Is there a large number of Spanish speaking people
who artificially inseminate cows?” The answers to these questions are not easy ones. But
luckily I have become a cow expert recently so I am able to answer them.
Artificial insemination has many benefits. The first being that you don’t have to have a
bull nearby to do it. There are numerous publications which advertise where bull semen can be
purchased. This makes the whole process of creating life much easier because you don’t have
to wait for a bull to be available. Furthermore, you don’t have to wait for the bull and the cow to
become romantically involved. The dating and mating ritual of cows can be a lengthy one. And
most cows belief in abstinence from sex until marriage so you have to find a priest willing to do
a ceremony in many cases. This prolongs the process and wastes precious time. It is much
easier to simply fertilize an egg within a cow without all of the romantic attachments.
By carefully choosing who provides the sperm a rancher can produce an offspring that
has characteristics they desire. These characteristics include but are not limited to: Size,
intelligence, eye color, hair color, sense of humor, temperament, athletic ability, and of course
type of meat. If a rancher wants to produce a cow with medium well meat he can do that
through the mystery of genetics. Amazing isn't it?!
The number of Spanish speaking people that artificially inseminate cows varies from
year to year. The rise and fall in that number is due to the fact that many of these people are
killed each year. The same people who artificially inseminate cows are also the ones that
collect sperm from the bulls. The people collecting the sperm usually carry around a red piece
of material with them, which make the bull angry. As you may know, red material clashes with
the bull’s fur and they hate to be seen in clothes that don’t match. You may have seen sperm
collection on television. Usually the person trying to place the red material on the cow gives up
and kills it, but sometimes the bull wins and the human is killed.

2. But the real reason that the poster is in Spanish is because that is the language that
most cows read. If you were a female cow and had a strange human prying around on your
nether regions wouldn’t you want to know what they are doing? When you go to the doctor for
an examination, you like to know what he or she is going to do. So the posters were made to be
placed in front of the cow prior to the procedure to make them comfortable with what is about to
take place.
Cows are important to society for the fact that they provide food for the food chain, they
provide jobs for those who were born with a desire to artificially inseminate animals, and they
provide jobs for those who wish to work in a lab setting and wear a lab coat and safety goggles.
There are many goggle clad scientists working in labs to discover new vaccines and
medicines to provide to ranchers. These scientists help create healthier cows. And healthier
cows are happier cows. And happier cows are more willing to give up their milk and allow
Spanish ranchers to artificially inseminate them.
I recently had the opportunity to be part of this lab coat society. I was able to participate
in chasing baby cows around and taking samples to test in the lab. I was able to learn how to
catch a young cow and take a blood sample. And although it was not as easy as I thought it
would be I successfully filled a vial with calf blood. The calf seemed as nervous as I was about
perform the procedure. He wasn’t old enough to read otherwise we would have shown him a
poster.
It was quite an eye opening experience. I have learned to think about more than just
milk and meat when I think of cows. There really is a whole science devoted to their study and
improvement and health.
So the next time you take a drink of ice cold milk or bite into a luscious slab of steak
think about what all goes into providing you with that nourishment. Cows and cow inseminators
all over the world would be grateful for a bit more appreciation for all they do.