3. • Introductions
• Boundaries
• Market Update
Agenda • Opening group assignments
• Small group assignment
Clients • Abnormality
Behaving • Values
Badly • Self-Assessment
• Mental Health Disorders
C-7918 • Personality Disorders
• Case Study
• Revisit CBB
• Resources
• Mindset, Blocks, Stages
• Counseling CBB
• Large Group Discussion
• Quiz
• Recap, Close, Handouts
4. Objective
• Acquire basic knowledge about common
personality disorders in the practice of real
estate
5. Boundaries
Family
Diagnose
Brokers BB?
Clients
Behaving
Badly Personality
Time styles
Law
6. Opening Group Exercise
Break into small groups.
Each person shares the mental health problems in
their family
Elect a group leader
Choose 3 to share
7. Our experiences w/mental health
issues in our families
Schizophrenia
Phobias
PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Prescription drug addiction
Major depression
Anxiety
Asperger Syndrome (high functioning autism)
8. • Schizophrenia
• PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) I
• Phobia
• Prescription drug addiction
• Anxiety III
• Depression IIII
• Autism spectrum I
• Alcoholism I
• Bi-polar I
• OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) I
• Alzheimers I
• Dementia
• Eating disorders
• Sociopathy II
• Anxious/fearful personality disorder II
• Peacemaker…. I
• ADHD learning disorder I
• Narcissist PD I
9. Our experiences w/mental health
issues in our families
Phobias I
Schizophrenia IIIII Addiction III
Alcoholism IIIIIII Panic I
Depression IIIIIIII Narcissism
Alzheimers II ADHD
Aspergers IIII
Anxiety IIII
hypochondria
PTSD IIIII
OCD III
Bi Polar IIIIII
12. Group Exercise
Break into small groups.
Each person shares their worst “client behaving
badly” experience.
Elect a group leader
Choose 1 to share
13. Worst Client Evah!
• Very volatile up or down. Fun yet unfocused. High
emotions, married to an achiever…would not budge
on price….unable to listen…no respect
• Oldster living alone…young couple buyer…husband
here wife coming w/kids in car. Oldster changed his
mind….died
• Buyer rich immigrant…lots of referrals…personal
bond…then decided to use another agent.
Controlling, domineering,
misogny…wealth…arrogant sob…
• Young woman…Harvard…Msoft…buyer…out of
control…no respect for contract…no
response…retract offer…m-offers…no respect for
seller..talking w/ seller….own agenda…China
• Germany phone call…showing…Psych
calls…delusional
14. Worst client evah!
• Buyer…showing homes for months…black and
white/all/nothing thinking…..no trust….worried
about taken advantage of….abnormal
fears…paranoid?....serious control issues
• Floor customer….no trust…bought FSBO…FSBO
double sold the house….transaction…now
they’ve split up…listing…made me feel like they
were suspicious of me….
• BPO….ignores…calls lisa
instead…arrogant…space and time….
15. Threw palm pilot at Realtor…daughter stole her mom’s furniture.
Wanted to buy expensive home….Disability pay…would make
offers…making false offers….lonely?
Client purchased home…remodel…no permit…Broker
lied…contacted broker’s mgbroker…
Lots of phone calls….feedback…micro-managing the listing
broker…high anxiety
Warning about a buyer that may have stiffed a landlord –
rent….scam…car dealership….sketchy person…a bit delusional
One day up…one day down…boundaryless-ness
Young couple….upper end house…water view…3 kids 6-10…..kids
running wild….football…asked about kids….what problem?
Referral….off…slightly paranoid…victim...listed large parcel….must
sell….doesn’t want to sell…knows buyer…doesn’t like buyer…self-
destructive?
Buyer…reluctant to get prequalified…unrealistic expectations….very
demanding
16. Worst client Evah!
Married sellers hated each other….fight while on the phone….bad
language…
House not selling…blue carpet…DOL complaint about pressuring
the seller
Talked about himself in the third person
Aggressive…power…dominance….attorney would re-write
contract…liked to argue….
Put her past Realtor down…everybody’s against me…took
everything personally…held a grudge..depressed, paranoid, lonely
Client’s outside of the house is in the video…drainage…was
offended…greed? She actually wanted to not pay for the old
inspection. Resentment
Overly controlling…..trust…had to control everything
Dual Agent….buyer says you were rude….slapped contract on the
table….cultural issue?
17. Worst client Evah!
Young couple. Swing set..don’t want...changed
mind…swing set OR ELSE…
Hispanic…small house to sell…wanted land
w/mobile…lending…paystubs…didn’t want to
understand…..other Realtor got it done
Builder to HW sale (dual agency) wife….didn’t
understand buyers have responsibilities….wanted
house moved…read? (could she
read?)…complain…emotionally dis-engaged.
18. Worst client Evah!
Buyer w/family. Mom, dad, daughter,
baby…husband is registered offender
Hoarder…collector…30+ years…pitchforks?
Paper, garbage…long time to get him out of the
house…didn’t bother the client
Divorcing couple….wife depressed/bi-
polar…didn’t want to sell. Boundaries
Ex-pat from Dubai, condo for son to use. Dad buys
another condo, son picks it out. Dad getting re-
married…creepy gift…cancellations…decides to
sue.
19. Worst client Evah!
Short sale…BK…depressed…denial…cats…messy
defensive re the cats….feedback…eventually sold
Robin….late client
Husband shot….lots of anger, aggression.
20. Our experiences w/clients behaving
badly
•Seller would not move out of the house
• buyer puts multiple offers on multiple houses without buying
•Buyer….husband just left her…43 homes…undecided….Realtor tells
her what to do….doesn’t want to disclose personal info…..slightly
paranoid….but eventually purchased.
•Seller uses “n” word…fair housing problem…gun on
counter…inappropriate comments…130AM drunk dial rant….next
day….Jesse set boundaries.
• FTHB 180K approval….anxious to get a house. Impatient,
angry,….very little eye contact. Wife did all the talking.
21. Our experiences w/clients behaving
badly
•Client acting like she had multiple personalities
Dissociative Disorder?
•Flyer out of the flyer box….would force ppl to tour the house
tried to sell her own house…obsessive
•Referral from former client….daughter was a narcissist? In love
w/house….bidding…controlling….
•Wife…controlling…possible problem working w/other women?
•Over-reacting….landscaping
22. Our experiences w/clients behaving
badly
•Angry client, down market. H&W. OCD, angry paranoid outbursts.
Suicide
•Eager buyer, on meds, angry, possible bi-polar?
•Nice guy, exhibitionist…..
•Sociopathic
•High end buyer….cannot commit (narc
•Buyer “he was like a father to me.”
•Alcohol problems? Messy house. Attached to the house….paranoid?
Anxious? Angry.
24. Looking at Abnormality
• Culture
▫ A woman builds a shrine to her dead husband in a
corner of the living room and leaves food and gifts
at the altar. In some cultures it is encouraged to
maintain psychological ties with dead loved ones.
• Unusualness
• Discomfort
• Mental Illness
• Maladaptive
25. Looking at Abnormality
• Culture
• Unusualness
▫ A man who is fascinated with Star Wars, enjoys
dressing as a monk, is obsessed with horror films
and collects WWII model airplanes. Eccentrics
have unusual tastes but are generally very happy
and function well in society.
• Discomfort
• Mental Illness
• Maladaptive
26. Looking at Abnormality
• Culture
• Unusualness
• Discomfort
▫ When a person suffers discomfort as a result of
his/her behaviors and wishes to be rid of them.
(What about ppl who are not aware that their
behavior is causing discomfort for self/others e.g.
a hoarder?)
• Mental Illness
• Maladaptive
27. Looking at Abnormality
• Culture
• Unusualness
• Discomfort
• Mental Illness
▫ A clear, identifiable process that is deviant from
healthy that leads to specific problems or
behaviors. (There is no medical test that identifies
this physical process. Instead there are a set of
symptoms.)
• Maladaptive
28. Looking at Abnormality
• Culture
• Unusualness
• Discomfort
• Mental Health
• Maladaptive
▫ A person is suffering distress that prevents
him/her from functioning in daily life:
Physically self-damaging
Cause emotional suffering
Severely interfere w/daily functioning
Individual has lost touch w/reality and cannot
control behaviors or thoughts
31. Values
• What do we value in the practice of real estate?
• Timeliness
• Patience….amicable….compassionate
• Honesty
• Loyalty
• Boundaries
• Integrity
• Communication….know thyself
• Tolerance…flexible…
• Details
• Direct
• Knowledge
• attentiveness
33. Self-Assessment
• Take the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale
• Reflect back to the time when you had your
worst real estate client. Were there different
things going on in your life that would have
made your own stress level higher (besides that
particular client?)
34. Self-Assessment
• Take the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale
AGAIN.
• Pretend you are your worst real estate client.
What was going on in that client’s life at the time
of the transaction?
40. What is a Personality Disorder?
• A stable, ongoing pattern of behavior, thoughts,
emotions and social function (since adolescence
or early adulthood)
• That differs markedly from the cultural norm
• Causes significant
social/occupational/functional impairment or
distress
• And is not better accounted for by another
mental, medical disorder or substance use
43. …in the practice of real estate
• Revisit your “client behaving badly.”
• Does his/her behavior match symptoms of…
• Anxiety
• PTSD
• OCD
• Depression
• Personality Disorder
44.
45. Resources
• A person needs sufficient inner and outer
resources.
• Realtors can become a trusted resource for
clients who are experiencing distress during a
real estate-related life transition.
46. Stage 1
• Let your clients tell their story
• What they value will be in their story
• Restate their values (NOT YOURS)
• If you’re wrong, that’s okay, they will correct
you.
• Duct tape your mouth shut
47. When Do Clients “Behave Badly?”
Emotions, thoughts
Impasse
Talk about
Talk about the real Talk about
Talk about a variety issue what just Integrate
The of topics happened and plan
weather
48. Stage 2
• Client will figure out a solution.
NOT THE REALTOR
• Client may emote.
• When they’re finished they will stop and tell you
what just happened.
• Insight comes when you facilitate their emotions
• “you look sad right now…”
49. Stage3
• What comes out of your mouth should be related
to what the client just said and nothing else.
• People know how to solve their own problems.
• Let your client come up with the solution.
51. When Do Clients “Behave Badly?”
Emotions, thoughts
Impasse
Talk about
Talk about the real Talk about
Talk about a variety issue what just Integrate
The of topics happened and plan
weather
52. Role Play
• Choose roles:
▫ Client
▫ Realtor
▫ Observer
▫ For groups larger than three:
▫ Couple
▫ Realtor Team
53. • Culture
• Values
• Stress
• Emotions (validate!)
• Realtor’s mouth shut…client talks
• Realtor guesses what the client values
• Only after that can Realtor ask client if client knows
how to solve the problem (stage 3 handout)
54. Role Play
• Client: Your job is to behave badly.
• Realtor: Your job is to LISTEN.
• Observer: Your job is to carefully watch what
happens.
55. Group Discussion
• What did you do that worked?
What did not work? How did you know?
What might you do differently?
What did you learn?
57. • Collaborate
Your client knows more about himself/herself than
you do
• Flexibility
Don’t assume your client is bad. Meet people where
they are and not with a fixed agenda.
• Do No Harm
Know your strengths and weaknesses
• Assume Goodwill
Not everyone wants to buy/sell but might have to
• Empathy/Compassion
Unconditional positive support
58. Recap and Close
• Certificates
• Handouts
• Blog post is live at www.ceforward.com
59. Final Individual Assignment
• Revisit learning objectives
• Please write a narrative description of your
experience in class.
