- The author begins pondering about Bulgaria after noticing his toothpaste was manufactured there. - He notes Bulgaria has a long history and capital city of Sofia. The author questions if toothpaste traveling from Bulgaria to Australia could lose active oxygen. - While acknowledging Bulgaria had issues with communism, the author warns against underestimating Bulgarians, noting a former king returned to power as prime minister after 50 years.

1. Bugger the Bulgars?
Russell Grenning
I’m been thinking a bit recently about Bulgaria.
I bet I’m practically the only person in this wide brown land who ever has more than a passing thought
about this lovely little spot in eastern Europe behind what used to be called The Iron Curtain. Well, of
course the Hon Kevin Rudd, our internationally acclaimed, hugely respected and adoringly loved former
Minister for Foreign Affairs and trail-blazing ex PM would probably think lots about Bulgaria – and it
would be all in the cause of international goodwill and the sorts of things foreign policy gurus ponder.
Kevin has always struck me as the sort of chap who would do a lot of serious pondering one way or another.
You can just see it in his face – I bet, for example, he was pondering away at that ALP National Conference
when his beloved Leader and our amazingly popular PM Julia was giving one of her “moving forward”
speeches in which she managed to mention every Labor PM since the dawn of time except..well, no need to
ponder that, is there?
Frankly, I don’t care one bit about what some ungrateful and profoundly ignorant types say about Kevin. In
fact, I think he is the best Foreign Minister we’ve had since the Hon Billy McMahon proved to be so trail-
blazing and precedent-setting in the internationally acclaimed, hugely respected and adoringly loved stakes
circa 1971.
When we more mature types, steeped in the wisdom of the ages and all of that give it some thought, Kevin
and Billy actually have lots in common. Well, apart from the fact that Billy was Foreign Minister before he
was PM and not the other way around as happened with Kevin.
No, back to Bulgaria. I must stay totally focussed.
My pondering about Bulgaria was ignited by my toothpaste. Let me explain.
I am currently doing my brushing with a product which informs me in a reasonable typeface that it was
“made in EU” but admits in much smaller lettering that it was “Manufactured in Bulgaria”. Of course, not
much gets by the Bulgarians and it was jolly interesting to also read on this informative tube that it should
be used “with an appropriate toothbrush”.
What marks this product as excitingly innovative is that it actually “contains active oxygen for bright white
polished teeth” although it does contain other ingredients all of which have impressively long names such as
methylparaben and potassium persulfate. It’s enough to make your plaque disappear down the back of your
throat very smartly in sheer terror even before your “appropriate toothbrush” enters the old cakehole.
I don’t know about the other ingredients but there sure was a large dosage of oxygen in my current tube as
witnessed by the fact that it popped on about the fourth squeeze and virtually collapsed as this active
ingredient escaped. Perhaps the dental scientist boffins in Sofia - that’s the capital of Bulgaria which, of
course, Kevin and I have known since childhood – should try a bit harder integrating this ingredient into the
other more substantial bits.
And the tube told me it had been imported to Australia by some outfit in Silkstone in England. You can
learn a lot about the intricacies of the international trade game while brushing the molars. Makes you ponder
really.

2. Here I am in the Smart State of Queensland blessed with everything Mother Nature could provide yet we
import toothpaste from Bulgaria, seemingly via England. Isn’t there a real risk that some of the active
oxygen could leak out during this round-the-word trip?
To be honest, I’m not all that sure Bulgaria would be chockers with good quality active oxygen after about
half a century of communism and its dark satanic mills belching smoke and other rubbish and punching
holes in the ozone layer.
In fact – and even Kevin probably doesn’t know this – there is a nasty disease with zillions of germs called
salmonella sofia in chickens. Nobody is ever going to get their tongue down my throat at KFC even if they
wanted to, which is probably unlikely. But naming your capital city after a chicken disease is a telling point,
isn’t it? Imagine lovely Canberra renamed Hangover just because it is full of politicians and public servants.
However, I was minded – Kevin would know this but Billy wouldn’t, given he was dead at the time – that
we shouldn’t play fast and loose with the Bulgars. They have very long memories and a steely determination
to get their own way.
Their last King – Simeon 11 – ruled from 1943 to 1946 and the commies sent him packing while he was still
a kiddie but he just waited for the bolshies to implode as he knew they would. After 50 years, His Ex-
Majesty returned to great acclaim and, noting it might be a wee bit difficult to get back on the throne
immediately, formed his very own political party which he called (in Bulgarian, one supposes) the National
Movement Simeon 11, contested the election and swept into power and became Prime Minister from 2001
to 2005.
Such is the intellectual agility of the Bulgars, PM Simeon actually took an oath to uphold the republican
constitution while not actually renouncing his claim to the throne. With that sort of cleverness, he could well
migrate to Australia and have a third public service career reviving the somewhat dysfunctional ALP. He’s
still about I understand and shouldn’t have any bother getting a 457 visa if he is volunteering to help Julia.
Kevin would know and, I suspect, rather admire the ex-King/ex-PM for getting back on top, albeit with a
different title.
I wonder if Kevin gave the game away now and, following Simeon’s magnificent and inspiring example,
could come back in about 2070 as our President?