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Britains-Families_Thriving-or-Surviving

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Jessica Southgate

This document summarizes the findings of a UK charity's inquiry into modern British family life. It heard from over 5,000 families through focus groups and surveys. Key themes identified included families struggling to balance work and family time due to long hours and low pay; concerns about declining social mobility and opportunities for children; and challenges navigating family life in a digital world where technology can both help and hinder family connection. The report provides recommendations in each area, such as improving work-life balance, access to extracurricular activities, and education to prepare youth for adulthood.

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Inquiry into family life in Britain today Britain’s Families Thriving or Surviving?
Foreword The inquiry Executive Summary Theme one: Stress and family time Theme two: Opening doors Theme three: Family in the digital age Theme four: The gender split Theme five: Engagement and politics Theme six: Helping families help themselves Conclusion Contents 2 3 5 10 16 22 26 33 39 46 Acknowledgements Withthankstoallthefamilieswhogavetheirtimetotalktousaspartoftheprojectand totheorganisationswhohelpeduscontactthem.Withparticularthankstothosewho helpeduscarryouttheinquiryanddevelopthereport:RobStebbings,ShahnazYasmin, KatieRose,AlexDavison,SulemanAmad,DeborahGrossmanandMaryCrowder.
Theme1 Theme Title Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 2 Acharity’spolicydevelopmentandcampaignsshouldbe shapedbythepeopleitrepresents.At4Childrenourgoalisto improvethelivesoffamiliesupanddownthecountry,sotheir voicesmustinformourworkateverylevel.Ourprioritiesshould echotheirs.Andthechallengeswetackleneedtoreflectthe hurdlesmanyofthemaretryingtoovercome. Duringthesixmonthswe’vebeenworkingonthisinquiry,we haveheardfromthousandsofparents,carers,childrenand youngpeopleabouttheirdailylives,thestrugglesthey’re facingandtheirexpectationsfortheirfamily’sfutures.This reportsummarisesthekeyfindingsfromwhattheytoldus andreflectsachangingworld,whereparentsareraising childrenandyoungpeoplearegrowingupinverydifferent circumstancestogenerationsbeforethem. Withthethoughtsandopinionsofthefamilieswehave spokentoatitscore,thisreportwillset4Children’spolicy prioritiesandinformourservicedevelopmentoverthenext 18monthsandbeyond. ImeldaRedmond ChiefExecutive Foreword Without family you wouldn’t know love… you learn to care with a family. Rachel*, 15, South London I keep hearing the economy is getting better but I’m not noticing this in my home, it’s just getting worse. James, 17, Kent
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 3 4Children’sinquiryintoBritishfamilylifewascarriedoutbetweenJune2015and January2016andheardfromjustover5000familymembers.Duringtheinquiry periodwespokedirectlyto320people,ofwhich120wereparentsorcarersand 198werechildrenandyoungpeople,through37focusgroupsheldincommunity venuesacrossEngland,ScotlandandWales.Twenty-fivefamilymemberswere involvedinadditionalworktorefinethereport’srecommendations.Weheardfrom afurther5105peoplethroughpollingandsurveys. Thefamilieswespoketowereofavarietyofbackgroundsandexperiencesbut allhadthesharedexperienceofraisingchildren.Theycoveredsingleparent households,step-families,parentswithfullcaringresponsibility,parentswith reducedchildcontactandsomegrandparentsinvolvedinchildcare. Allfamiliesengagedwithusandgaveuptheirtimetotalktoourresearchteam voluntarily.Anumberofotherorganisationswereinvolvedwithhelpingusto reachandrecruitparticipants. Thisreportisdividedintosixchapterscoveringthemainfindingsfromthemes wespoketofamiliesabout.Thesethemeswerebasedonexistingresearchof thecurrentclimateandcontextinwhichparentsareraisingchildrenandyoung peoplearegrowingup. Allsubtitlesthroughoutthereportaredirectquotesfromthosewespoketo. Allnamesmarkedwithanasteriskhavebeenchanged.Throughoutthereport wereferto‘parents’,bywhichwemeantheparentsandcarersthatwespoke to,and‘families’,butwhichwemeanbothparentsandyoungpeopleorviews whichrepresentthemajoritywespoketo.‘Youngpeople’and‘children’areused interchangeably,however‘children’referstounder18sonly. Tosupportthework,4Childrencommissionedtwosetsofpolling:thefirstinJune 2015withOpinium;andthesecondinJanuary2016withYouGovPlc. Families today: a snapshot Ourpopulationisgrowingandsettoreach70millionbymid-2027.1 Thereare 18.7millionfamiliesintheUK(ofwhom7.9millionhavedependentchildren), ascomparedto17.4millionadecadeago(7.5millionofwhomhaddependent children).2 Since1973theaverageageofmothershasincreased,andin2013overhalf(51%) ofalllivebirthsweretomothersaged30andover.3 1 ONS(2014)Nationalpopulationprojections,2014-basedStatisticalBulletin,released:29October2015,p.1 2 ONS(2015)FamiliesandHouseholds2015,released:05November2015,p.5(Table1) 3 ONS(2014)LiveBirthsinEnglandandWalesbyCharacteristicsofMother2014,released:16October2014,p.1 The inquiry
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 4 The inquiry Overthepastfewdecadestheproportionofchildrenlivingwithbothbiological parentshasdeclinedwithcorrespondingrisesinotherfamilystructuressuchas thoseheadedbyaloneparentorstepfamilies.4 TherearenearlytwomillionloneparentswithdependentchildrenintheUK, representing25%ofallfamilieswithdependentchildren.Ofthis,womenaccount foraround90%,aratewhichhaschangedlittleintwodecades.5 Itisestimatedthatin2013therewerearound20,000dependentchildrenlivingin samesexcouplefamilies.6 Householdscontainingtwoormorefamilies,bothrelatedandunrelated,have beenthefastestgrowinghouseholdtypeinthelastdecade.Thismaybeshowing thattherehasbeenanincreaseinoldercouplesmovinginwithadultchildren andtheirfamily,orloneparentswithchildrenoryoungadultswiththeirpartners returningtotheirfamilyhome.7 Therehasbeenalargeincreaseinthenumbersofyoungadultslivingwiththeir parentsasaresultofeitherdelayingleavingorreturningtohome,inpartdueto increasedhousepricesinrelationtoearnings.In201326%of20to34-year-olds livedwiththeirparents.8 Ourpopulationisaging,withthemedianagenow40yearsold–thehighestever estimated–andthenumberandproportionofolderpeoplecontinuingtorise.9 Alongsidethis,the‘sandwichgeneration’–adultswhoaretakingcareofboththeir childrenorgrandchildrenaswellasagingparents–hasincreasedoverthelast tenyears.Threequartersofgrandparentscarefortheirgrandchildren,andmore thanoneinfour(28%)ofthosewithgrandchildrenunder16alsohaveaparentwho isstillalive.10 What makes a happy family?11 4 UCLInstituteofChildHealth‘ParentalEmploymentandChildHealth’.Websiteaccessedon5January2016 5 ONS(2015)FamiliesandHouseholds,2015,Released:05November2015,p.8 6 HouseofCommonsLibrary(2014)“Commonlawmarriage”andcohabitation,lastupdated17December2014 7 ONS(2015)Statisticalbulletin:FamiliesandHouseholds,2015,released5November2015 8 ONS(2015)Largeincreasein20to34-year-oldslivingwithparentssince1996,released:21January2014 9 ONS(2015)AnnualMid-yearPopulationEstimates,2014,released:25June2015,p.1 10 IPPR(2013)Womenover50hitby‘triplewhammy’ofwork,childcare&socialcare,published:25Aug2013 11 Wordleconstructedusingthemostcommonlyoccurringresponsesraisedduringinquiryfocusgroupsandonline surveystothequestion“Inyouropinion,whatmakesahappyfamily?” fairnessrespect tolerance acceptance communication honesty support understanding listening love care timetrust kindness fun enjoyment money stability securitylaughter housing health
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 5 Executive summary WhatisdailylifereallylikeforBritain’sfamilies?Wewanted toknowtheopportunitiesandchallengestheyfaceand whether,acrossBritain,familiesarefeelingthebenefitsof economicrecovery. InJune2015,webegantodigdeeperintothehopes,fearsand aspirationsofourcountry’sfamilies.Oversixmonthswespoke indepthtohundredsofparents,carers,childrenandyoung people,andheardfromthousandsofothersabouttheirdaily lives,thechallengestheyfaceandtheirexpectationsoftheir ownfutures.Thisreportoutlineswhattheytoldus… Theme one: Stress and family time Unemploymentisfallingandthenumberofpeopleinworkrecentlyreachedarecord high,yetforfamilies,movingintoworkisnoguaranteeofescapingpoverty.The numberofpeopleworking“excessive”hourshasrisenandmanyarestrugglingto balanceworkandfamilylife. We all miss each other. We work longer hours for less money. Maryam* ,parent,WestMidlands Whileemphasisingthatmoneydoesnotguaranteehappiness,familiestellusthatlife quicklybecomesunmanageablewithoutit.Despitedoingtheirbesttoprovide,many parentsfeelconstantlyontheedgeofadownwardspiral–onemissedbillawayfrom crisis.Childrenareacutelyawareofthispressureandthesacrificestheirparentscan makeforthem.Parentsdescribethecatch-22betweenworkinglongertoprovide morefortheirfamiliesandknowingtheyneedmorequalityfamilytimetogether.There isnodoubtthatthemajorityofparentswanttowork,butforittobebetterpaidandto betterfitaroundtheirfamilylives. Recommendations: •• Betterfamilyfriendlyworkingconditions,includingforfathers •• Moretrainingopportunitiestohelpupskillparents •• Incomeswhichadequatelymatchthecostofraisingafamily 1 in 4 working parents say they are missing out on family activities every weekend, because of work commitments 1in 4
6 in 10 families say technology gets in the way of family time Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 6 Theme two: Opening doors Aquarterofparentsthinktheirchildren’sliveswillbeworsethantheirown,with expertswarningthatthisgenerationcouldbethefirstinrecenthistorytoseesocial mobilitygointoreverse.Childrenfrombetteroffbackgroundscontinuetodo significantlybetterthanthosefrompoorerbackgrounds.Whileyoungpeopleare underconsiderablepressuretoachieveineducation,employersemphasisethat experienceoutsidetheclassroomsuchasextra-curricularactivitiesmakesyoungjob applicantsstandoutfromthecrowd. Parentsfeelitisincreasinglydifficulttomoveawayfromwhereyouwerebornandthat wearebecominganationof“havesandhavenots”.Theyworryabouttheaffordability ofhighereducation,accesstogoodjobsandtheirchildrenbeingabletorentorbuy ahome.Familiesbelievethereisawiderrangeofopportunitiesandextra-curricular activitiesavailablebutworrythatthecostsinvolvedcanleavethemoutofreachfor theirchildren.Youngpeopledescribethepressureonthemtoachievewhichcan affecttheirmentalhealthandmanyfeelthatschoolleavesthemill-preparedforthe realityofadultlife. I never got taught how to manage a mortgage or tax, but I know about leaves. Talk to me about a leaf, I’ll tell you what’s inside it, how it grows… Callum,18,Buckinghamshire Recommendations: •• Morefreefamilyandextra-curricularactivitiesforallages •• Lifeskillseducationtohelpyoungpeopleprepareforadulthood •• Careersguidancewhichbringsyoungpeople,theirparentsandemployers togethertobetterplanfortheirfutures •• Mentalhealthsupportforyoungpeopleatkeymoments,suchasexamtimes Theme three: Family in the digital age Mostchildrenarenowintroducedtotechnologybeforetheageoftwowithaccess almostuniversalbytheageoffour.Despiteallthebenefitstechnologycanbring, almosthalfofparentsthinktheirchildrenspendtoomuchtimeinfrontofscreens, whileasimilarnumberadmittocheckingtheirownphonesatthedinnertable. It’s a big adjustment having your children’s friend being in your house in cyber world – on Xbox, text, Snapchat, Instagram. It impacts family life. Stew, parent, Buckinghamshire Executive summary Just half of parents expect their child to have a job paying a decent salary by the time they’re 30 ½ 6in10
Executive summary Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 7 Familiessaytheinternetcandirectthemtorelevantservices,helpthemtostayin touchwiththeirwiderfamilynetwork,andofferthemsupportfromothersinsimilar situations.Buttheyareworriedabouttheimpactithasonqualityfamilytime–some saytheyhardlyeverspendtimetogetherwithouteveryoneondevicesinthesame room.Bothparentsandyoungpeoplespeakaboutthedistortedversionofreality thatsocialmediapresentsandwhiletheytrytoresistit,theycannothelpbutcompare themselveswithothersonline–oftendamagingtheirself-esteem.Familiesdescribe neverbeingableto“switchoff”fromtheinternet,feelingconstantpressuretopresent animageoftheirsuccessandhappinessonsocialmedia.Childrenfeelunableto“let theirguarddown”athome,astheycouldhavedoneinthepast. Recommendations: •• Helpforparentstodevelop‘digitalparentingskills’ •• Familiestohaveanhouradayfreefromdevicestospendqualitytimewitheach otheroffline Theme four: The gender split Despitewomen’sincreasedroleinthepaidworkforce,menhaveyettotake onanequivalentincreasedroleathome.Womenstilltendtohavemorecaring responsibilitiesforbothchildrenandolderrelatives,andfaceasubstantial “motherhoodpenalty”intheirpayandcareers.Withmenmorelikelytoworkfulltime, fatherscanstruggletobeashands-onintheirparenting.Whilethemajorityofmen saytheywouldliketoshareparentalleavewiththeirpartner,mostarereluctanttoask theirbossesandestimatessuggesttake-upofsharedparentalleaveisbetweenonly 2and8%. I used to get daggers at the park – a man in a woman’s environment…Everything is focused on the mothers, dads are left in the background. From the midwives, health visitors, dads get left in the dark. Everything concentrates on the mother. Pete,parent,SouthWales Familiessaytheculturalperceptionofashifttowardsequalparentingdoesnot matchthereality.Childrenarealsofrustratedattheunequaldivisionofhousework, parentingorcaringathomeamongstparentsandsiblings,withgirlssuggestingtheir brothers“haveiteasier”.Duetotheoftenunevensplitinresponsibilities,womenfeel particularlyunderpressureto“solveitall”–bearingthebruntoffamilyhardship,going withoutsotheirchildrencanhavewhattheyneedandfeelingresponsibleforkeeping thefamilytogether.Yetfatherstellustheyareunclearoftheirplaceinfamilylifeand feelpushedoutandexcludedbyfamilyservices.Whentheyworklonghours,fathers sayyoungerchildrencanfeeldistantandunsureofthem,havingtoalmostrestarttheir relationshipeverytimetheyreturnhome. Almost 4 in 10 Dads miss dinner time at least once a week because of work 4in 10
Executive summary Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 8 Recommendations: •• Allfamilyservicesshouldbewelcomingtofathers •• Morecommunitynetworksprovidingpeersupportforparentsofyoungchildren •• Employerstomatchpaternitypayandsharedparentalpaytocurrentenhanced maternitypaypolicies •• Awiderpubliccampaigntoemphasisetheimportantroleoffathersinmodern familylife Theme five: Engagement and politics Aquarterofpeoplebelievetheyhaveinfluencelocally,butonly14%feeltheyhave anynationalinfluence.Foryoungpeople,theirpoliticalengagementandconfidence intheirknowledgecanvarysignificantlybysocialclass.Althoughmanyhavebecome disenchantedwithmainstreampolitics,theyparticipateinprotestmovementsand onlineactivismandseepoliticaleducationasanecessityfortheirfurtherparticipation. FamiliestoldusthatwhentheyhadexperienceofengagingwithlocalMPsor councillors,theyspokeveryhighlyofthemhowever,manyfeeldisengagedand remotefrompoliticsmoregenerally,leadingthemtofeelpowerlessanddistrustful. Thelanguageusedputsthemoffandtheywantmorestraight-talkingtobuildtheir trust.Parentsdon’tfeelpoliticiansfacethedaytodaynormalityoffamilylife:packing lunchboxes,doingtheschoolrun,usingpublictransportandlivingin“average” housing.Youngpeoplewanttheirgenerationtobeeducatedaboutpolitics.Some reflecthowhighprofilethe2015GeneralElectionandScottishreferendumwerein theirschoolsandonsocialmedia–andhowthishelpedthembecomeinformedand empowered–butthatfewattemptshavebeenmadesincetoengagethemfurther. If you’re 18 and you have an opinion no one would acknowledge it. If you’re a 30-year-old accountant people will take it into account. Callum, 18, Buckinghamshire Recommendations: •• Schoolstoprovideyoungpeoplewithmoreopportunitiestolearnabout politicalpartiesandprocessandtoengagewithpoliticaldebatesandideas •• Localandnationaldecisionmakerstoprovidegreaterawarenessofhow familiescanengagelocallywithissuestheyfeelstronglyabout 75% of young people want to see more political education in schools 75%
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 9 Executive summary Theme six: Helping families help themselves Buildingstrongsocialandemotionalfoundationsinthefirstthreeyearsofachild’s life,particularlythroughpositiveparenting,canhavethebiggestpositiveimpacton achild’sfuture.Theannualcostoffamilybreakdownhasbeenestimatedatbetween £46and£49billion,yetmanyofthesupportsystemsfamiliesrelyonareexperiencing significantcutbacks. It takes a village to raise a child, we come to the Children’s Centre because we don’t have the village. Megan*,parent,Wiltshire AcrossBritain,familiestellustheyareeachother’smainsourcesofsupportand theyprefertoturntooneanotherintimesofcrisisbeforetheylookelsewherefor help.Manyfacechallengesinsustainingtheirbondsbecauseofthestressofdaily lifeandsomeareforcedapartduetothecostofhousing,oravailabilityoflocaljobs. Whileparentsseechildcareprovisionhavingimprovedoverrecentyears,forsome itmakeslittlefinancialsenseforthemtoreturntowork–andthegapbetweenthe endofmaternityleaveandtheirchildturningthreeisasignificanthurdle.Mothersin particulartellushowvitallocalservicesandsupportnetworks–whichreassurethem thatthey“don’thavetobesupermum”–arefortheirmentalhealth.Astheirchildren getolderparentssaytheycanstruggletoknowhowbesttoraisethemandcanfeel poorlyprepared.Ingeneral,parentswanttobeabletoimprovetheirownlives,but whenthingsgowrongandtheycan’tdoitthemselvestheyneedquality,welcoming supportthatfitsaroundtheirbusylives. Recommendations: •• LocalAuthoritiestoapplygovernment’sFamilyTesttopolicymakingand budgetdecisions,toassessimpactonfamilies •• Closethegapinchildcaresupportbetweentheendofmaternityleaveandthe startoffreeuniversalentitlement(whenchildrenreachage3) •• Servicesshouldprovideadviceandsupporttoparentsofteenagechildren •• Servicesshouldmeettheneedsofmodernfamilylife,openingatweekendsand combiningparentandchildsupportinoneplace Over half of parents think there is more support for parents of young children compared to parents of teenagers over ½
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 10 ThemeoneThemeone Stress and family time 1
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 11 Themeone Stress and family time Background Inpollingcarriedoutatthestartoftheinquirythemost commonchallengesfamiliessaidtheywerefacingwere financialstruggles(46%),notenoughtimewiththeirfamily (27%)andemploymentworries(20%).12 Unemployment peakedattheendof2011andhasbeenfallingsince,13 withthenumberofpeopleinworkreachingarecordhigh betweenJulyandSeptember2015.14 In2014,nearlynineinten (87.7%)familieswereclassifiedasbeinginwork,thehighest percentagesincerecordsbegannearlytwentyyearsago.15 Yetmovingintoemploymentisnoguaranteeofescaping poverty,asnearlytwo-thirdsofchildreninpovertylivein workingfamilies.16 Acrosstheincomedistributionpayhas fallenformorethanfiveyearsinarow;wagesarewellbelow pre-economiccrisislevelsandwillsoonadduptoa“lost decade”ofpaygrowth.17 Familyincomesarestrugglingtomeetthecostofliving;61%ofpeoplewithchildren saythatmoneyworriesareoneofthetopstrainsontheirrelationships,compared to47%withoutchildren.18 Familieswithchildrenarenowatgreaterriskthanany otherhouseholdgroupofhavinganinadequateincome,withmorethanoneinthree havinglessthantheyrequireforasociallyacceptablestandardofliving.19 Forthe typicalfamilyintheUK,livingstandardsin2013-14were6%lowerthanbeforethe financialcrisisof2008,20 and24%offamilieshavecutdownonvitalspending,suchas groceries,inordertocopewithhigherlivingcosts.21 Theproportionoflow-incomefamilieswithnosavingstofallbackonhasincreased substantially.22 Unsecureddebtisincreasingandprojectedtoriseyetfurther;debtcan damagerelationshipsandcontributetofamilybreakdown,withmorethanhalf(56%) ofpeoplesayingpersonaldebthashadanegativeimpactontheirfamilylife,partly byraisinglevelsofstressandanxiety.23 Beinglowpaidisassociatedwithanincreased probabilityofexperiencingworklessness.24 12 Opinium(2015)FamilyHappinesspollingfor4Children,released8June2015 13 BBC,EconomyTracker:Unemployment(18March2015) 14 OfficeforNationalStatistics(2015)UKLabourMarket,November2015,p.7 15 OfficeforNationalStatistics(2014)FamiliesintheLabourMarket,2014,p.1 16 IFS(2015)‘Nearlytwo-thirdsofchildreninpovertyliveinworkingfamilies’,pressrelease16July2015 17 ResolutionFoundation(2015)LowPayBritain2015,p.4 18 Relate(2015)TheWayWeAreNow:ThestateoftheUK’srelationships2015,ExecutiveSummary 19 JosephRowntreeFoundation(2015)Householdsbelowaminimumincomestandard:2008/09to2012/13,p.12-13 (Figure2) 20 InstituteforStudies(2014)TheIFSGreenBudget:February2014,p.126 21 TheCentrefortheModernFamily(2014)FamilyGenerationsandFinancialPressures,p.8 22 JRF(2015)MonitoringPovertyandSocialExclusion2015:Money,SavingsDebt 23 Citizen’sAdvice(2015)Unsecuredandinsecure?ExploringtheUK’smountainofunsecuredpersonaldebt—andhow itaffectspeople’slives 24 JRF(2015)PovertyintheUK:Thelow-pay,no-paycycle 61% ofpeoplewithchildrensaythat moneyworriesareoneofthe topstrainsontheirrelationships, comparedto47%withoutchildren
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 12 Themeone Stress and family time Abusypaceoflifeleavesmanyparentsfeelingtheydonothaveenoughtimewith theirchildren.Thenumberofpeopleworkingmorethan48hoursperweekhasrisen by15%since2010,followingmorethanadecadeofdeclineinlonghoursworking, manypeopleareworkingunpaidovertimeandatleastamillionsaytheywantto cuttheirexcessivehours.25 Twenty-twopercentofworkerssaytheyworklonger hoursthantheywantandthisisdamagingtheirhealth.26 Menaremuchmorelikely thanwomentoworkfull-time,andareconsiderablymorelikelytoworkverylong hours(19%ofmencomparedto6%ofwomen).27 Flexibleworkingisapositivefactor inachievingabetterwork-lifebalanceandreducingandmanagingstresslevels.28 Employerscanhelpstaffachievegoodwork-familybalancebygivingthemregular opportunitiestodiscusstheirworkinghoursandarrangements–particularlyattimes ofchangeintheirhomelives,suchasthebirthofachild.29 A reality check 1. TheaveragecostofraisingachildintheUKisnownearly£230,000,an increaseof63%since2003,withchildcareandeducationcostsaccountingfor almosttwothirdsofthis30 2. Between2008and2013,theproportionoffamilyincomerequiredtomaintain anacceptablestandardoflivingrosesharply31 3. 39%ofpeopledon’tfeelincontroloftheirfinancialsituationandmorethana quarter(28%)citetheirfinancialsituationasnegativelyimpactingtheirfamily’s qualityoflife32 4. Flexibleworkingcouldadd£11.5billionannuallytotheUKeconomyand savecommuters£7.1bn,withareductionincommutingcostsandtimespent travelling33 5. Theaveragefamilyspendsjust34minutesadaytogether“undistracted”,in partduetolongworkinghoursandlengthycommutes34 What families tell us It always boils down to money at the end of the day, like everything Familiesareclearintellingusthatmoneyisvitaltotheirwellbeing,mostaspiringnot togreatwealthbuttoacomfortablelevelofsecurity.Whilststressingthatmoneydoes notguaranteehappiness,andhappinessisnotallabouthavingmoney,theysaythat withoutfinancialsecurityfamilylifequicklybecomesstressfulandunmanageable. 25 TUC(2015)15percentincreaseinpeopleworkingmorethan48hoursaweekrisksareturnto‘BurnoutBritain’,press release9September2015 26 Relate(2015)TheWayWeAreNow:ThestateoftheUK’srelationships2015,ExecutiveSummary 27 OECD(2015)BetterLifeIndex,websiteaccessed9January2016 28 WorkingFamiliesCranfieldUniversity(2014)FlexibleWorkingandPerformance:Summaryofresearch 29 nef(2014)Well-beingatwork:Areviewoftheliterature,p.21 30 LiverpoolVictoria(2015)CostofaChild:FromCradletoCollege–2015Report,p.3 31 https://www.jrf.org.uk/report/minimum-income-standard-uk-2015 32 TheCentrefortheModernFamily(2014)FamilyGenerationsandFinancialPressures,p.8 33 CentreforEconomicandBusinessResearch,Greaterflexibleworkingcouldadd£11.5billionannuallytotheUK economy(8December2014) 34 HighlandSpringGroup,34minutes:Theamountoftimetheaveragefamilygetstospendtogethereachday (14April2015)
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 13 Acrossthecountryfamiliesareconcernedaboutthecostoflivingandraisingafamily, withthecostofhousing,bills,childcare,foodandtransportatthetopofthelist. Manyfamiliesarestrugglingtomakeendsmeet,sayingtheirmonthlyoutgoingsare increasingbuttheirwageshavestagnatedandtheyhavedifficultybudgetingeach month–causingsometoriskgettingintoproblemdebt.Singleparentsinparticular toldushowdifficultitcouldbetocopewithonlyoneincome.Havingtocutback onnon-essentialsandmakingsacrificeslimitsparent’schoicesandtheirchildren’s horizons,causingfamiliestomissoutonsharedactivities,hobbiesandholidays. Parentsincouplestoldusalackofmoneyandworkingouthowtobudgetwithwhat theyhaveareamongthemaincausesofargumentsandstressintheirhouseholds. It’s like playing snakes and ladders Despitedoingtheirbesttoprovide,manyparentsfeelconstantlyonthevergeofa potentialdownwardspiral–justonemissedbillorminormishapawayfromacrisis. Eventhosewhodescribetheirfamilylifeas“comfortable”saythispositioncould changeatamoment’snotice,withmanysayingtheyhavenosavingstofallbackon andnowayofsavingorplanningfortheirown,ortheirchildren’s,futures.Parentsin precariousoruncertainemployment,includingthosewhoareself-employedoron zero-hoursandshort-termcontracts,feelparticularlyinsecure. Whilstadultsdotheirbesttohidethesefromthem,childrenareacutelyawareofthe sacrificestheirparentsmakeforthemandthepressurestheyfacetryingtomakeends meet.Childrensaythethingmostlikelytomaketheirfamilyhappierismoremoney– tobemorecomfortableandsecure,insteadoffeelingliketheyarelivingontheedge. We all miss each other Parentstalkpassionatelyabouthowimportantitistohavequalitytimetogetherasa familybuthowdifficultthiscanbetoachieveandhowquicklytimeslipsthroughtheir fingers.Aswellasenjoyingoneanother’scompany,familytimebringsaddedbenefits includingbetterroutine,greaterstability,moreengagedparentandchildinteraction, andbettercouplerelations. Familiesdescribethepaceoflifeashecticandbusy,witheveryonefeelingrushed allthetimeandstrugglingtobalancetheneedsandschedulesofeveryoneinthe household,includingchildrenofdifferingages.Theyfindithardtofindtimeforeach otheraroundlongorunsociableworkinghours,bringingworkhomewiththem,not beingabletoswitchoff,orwherepartnersworkawayfordaysorweeksatatime. Thecombinedimpactofmanagingtheirfamilyfinancesandalackoftimeleaves parentsexhausted,stressedandstrugglingtomaketimeforthingsoutsideofthedaily routine.Familiestellusthatstressfromtheirbusylivescausesirritability,frustration, poorjudgement,limitedconcentrationandcanevenleadtoorcompoundlowerlevel mentalhealthproblemssuchasanxietyanddepression.Attimescommunicationis poorandrelationshipswithinthehouseholdarestrainedbecauseofthisstress,which atitsworstcanleadtofamilybreakdown. You can’t win Parentsdescribethecatch-22theyfacebetweenthenecessityofworkingtoprovide fortheirfamiliesandthedesireformore,betterqualityfamilytime.Parentsareoftenin situationswhereworkinglongorchallenginghoursareanecessitytoprovideforand Themeone Stress and family time My eldest was crying the other day when she spilled her glitter and I asked why she was so upset and she said, “because I know glitter costs money and we shouldn’t waste it.” She’s five, she shouldn’t know those things yet. Rebecca*, parent, Yorkshire Humber I never have any energy or mind space to play with my three-year-old. I can’t switch off, I’m always on edge and stressed Julie*, parent, Yorkshire Humber
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 14 supportthemselves,despitethenegativeimpactthishasontheirfamilytime.Whether inloworwell-paidwork,parentsoftenfeeltheyare“missingout”onfamilylifeand watchingtheirchildrengrowup,andareregretfulofthetimetheyarelosingouton. Childrensaytheymisstheirparentsandtalkabouttherealitiesofonlygettingto spendsnatchesoftimetogetherinbetweenbusyschedules.Somesaytheyareleft alonemorebecausetheirparentsareworkingsomuch.Whenaskedwhattheywould changeabouttheirfamilylife,someyoungpeoplesaytheywanttospendmoretime togetherandseetheirparents“astheyreallyare”,notstressedandexhausted. It’s not that I don’t want to work… Despitethechallengesworkingposesthereisanappetitefromparentstowork,but forittobebetterpaidandtofitbetteraroundtheirfamilylives.Theytalkaboutthe positivebenefitsworkingbringstheirchildrenintermsofseeingtheirparentshappy, productive,andself-sufficient,andtheimpactwell-paidworkcanhaveontheir incomesandsavings. Despitewantingtoprovidegoodrolemodelstotheirchildrenby“bettering” themselvesandworking,parentsstruggletofindworkatalllevelsandsalaries, especiallyaftertakingtimeoutforhavingchildren.Singleparentsinparticular–who maynothaveanyoneelsetohelpwiththedailyroutineofchildcare,theschoolrunor appointments–sayhowdifficultitisforthemtofindworkthatfitsaroundtheirfamily. Thosewithlowerqualificationsinparticularsayitcanbedifficulttofindtrainingto developtheirskills,withlittleaccesstofundingorsupportasanadult. Parentssayhowrareitisforworkplacestooperatefamilyfriendlyhoursandhow difficultitcanbetogettimeoffworkwhentheirchildrenareunwellandtomanage childcareoverholidayperiods.Thoseonlowerpayinparticularfeelthatitmaynot evenbeworthworkingtoearnsolittle,particularlyafterthecostofchildcare,andmiss outonsomuch. A way forward Familiesareclearlystrugglingtofindbalanceintheirlives–strugglingtofind workthatbothmeetsthecostoflivingandallowsthemtohavethequalitytime theyneedwithoneanother.Managingthisconstantbalancingactbetweenwork andfamilytimeputsallfamilymembers,parentsinparticular,underpressureand stress,whichcanseriouslyimpactonthequalityoftheirrelationships. Notbeingabletospendthetimetheyneedtogetherrisksputtingfamilystability injeopardyaswellasdamagingthewellbeingoftheworkforce.Wemust finallydeliverontheambitiontomakeworkpay,soparentscanaffordtolive comfortablyontheirearnings,remainresilienttocrisisandbetrulyabletomove outofpovertythroughwork. Withtheincreasingmovetowardsfullemploymentandbothparentsinthe workplace,itisbothnecessaryandpracticaltodevelopmorefamily-friendly employmentpractices,sothatparentsarebetterabletobalancetheirpaid andunpaidresponsibilitiestotheirfamilyandtheeconomy.Thisisalsointhe bestinterestofchildren,whowouldbenefitfromgreatertimewiththeirparents aswellasreducingtherisksofrelationshipbreakdownduetounmanageable challenges. Themeone Stress and family time We all miss each other. We work longer hours for less money…By the time we’re home from work, picked the kids up, we’re all tired, grumpy and ready for bed rather than doing anything together. Maryam*, parent, West Midlands It’s not that I don’t want to work. I look at jobs each week… I would do it if I could do it around [my son] and nursery. Kim, parent, Worcestershire
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 15 •• Employerstotakeactiontodevelopandpromotebetterfamily-friendlyworking conditions,includingmoreopportunitiesforflexibleworking,job-sharesand part-timeoptionsthatfitwithfamilyschedules,nurseryhoursandschool holidays–includingforfathers. Parentssuggestthiscouldincludeemployersthinkingmoreimaginatively abouthowtheydeploytheirstaff,includingallowingparentstosetthedays orhourstheywork,poolingstaffinlargercompaniesandallowingacertain numberofdaysannuallyfor‘familytime’. •• EmployersandGovernmenttoensuretrainingopportunitiesareavailableto parentstoenablethemtomoveintohigherskilled,moreflexibleemployment oncetheyhavechildren,includingopportunitiestotrain‘onthejob’. Parentssaytheywouldbenefitfromguidanceonoptionssuchasareaswhere thereareskillsdeficitsandhowtofindoutmoreaboutself-employment, includingwheretogoforfundingtosetuptheirownbusinesses. •• EmployersandGovernmenttotakeequalresponsibilitytoensurethatall familiesreceiveanadequateincometomeetthecostoflivingandraisinga family. Themeone Stress and family time
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 16 ThemetwoThemetwo Opening doors 2
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 17 Themetwo Opening doors Background TheSocialMobilityCommissionhaswarnedthatwithout concertedpolicyeffortthisgenerationcouldbethefirst inrecenthistorytoseesocialmobilityputintoreverse, withparticularconcernabouttheeducationattainment gap,accesstotheprofessionsandthelikelihoodofhome ownership.35 Ourownpollingfoundthatonlyathird(33%)of parentssaidtheybelievetheirchildren’sstandardoflivingwill bebetterthantheirown,withaquarter(24%)thinkingitwill beworse.36 Thewealthgapiswidening,andpublicconcernaboutpovertyandinequalityis atahistorichigh.37 Thoseonthehighestincomesarenowmorefinanciallysecure thantheywerebeforetheeconomicdowntown,wherethoseinthebottom20% incomegroupfaredtheworstandarefinanciallymuchlesssecurethanpriorto thedownturn.38 Itremainsthecasethatchildrenwhoseparentshavea‘topjob’are considerablymorelikelytobeinatopjobthemselvesasanadult39 andthosewith widersocialnetworksaremorelikelytobeemployed,toprogressintheircareerand tobepaidmore.40 Childrengrowingupinpoorerfamiliesarefarmorelikelytoleaveschoolwith substantiallylowerlevelsofeducationalattainment,amajorcontributingfactorto patternsofsocialmobility.41 Whilsttherehavebeensomeimprovementsinclosing theattainmentgap,forexampleamongstethnicminoritygroups,thereisstilla considerablegapbetweentheattainmentofchildrenfromwell-offfamiliescompared tothosefromlessadvantagedbackgrounds.42 Thereisalsoaregionaldimensionto gapsinachievement,withjust47%ofpoorestchildrenintheNorthreachingagood levelofdevelopmentintheirearlyyears,comparedtoLondonwhere59%meetthe standard.43 IftheUKhadtakenactioninrecentdecadestoclosetheachievementgap at11theeconomywouldhavebenefittedfrombothaskilledworkforceandhigher economicgrowth;itisestimatedthatGDPin2020wouldbearound£30billionor1.8% higherasaresult.44 35 SocialMobilityandChildPovertyCommission(2014)StateoftheNation2014:SocialMobilityandChildPovertyin GreatBritain,p.v 36 Opinium(2015)FamilyHappinesspollingfor4Children,released8June2015 37 Economist/IpsosNovember2015IssuesIndex(2015)released24November2015 38 SocialMarketFoundation(2015)WealthintheDownturn:Winnersandlosers,p.3 39 CabinetOfficeSocialMobilityandChildPovertyCommission(2015)SocialandEmotionalLearning:Skillsforlife andwork,p.7 40 ONS(2014)MeasuringSocialCapital 41 Goodman,A.Gregg,P.(eds)(2010)Poorerchildren’seducationalattainment:howimportantareattitudesand behaviours?,p.1 42 DfE(2015)Ethnicity,deprivationandeducationalachievementatage16inEngland:trendsovertime:ProfessorSteve Strand–UniversityofOxford 43 IPPR(2015)StateoftheNorth2015:FourTestsfortheNorthernPowerhouse,p.22-23(Figure2.1) 44 SavetheChildren(2013)Tooyoungtofail:Givingallchildrenafairstartinlife,p.vi 33% Onlyathird(33%)ofparents saidtheybelievetheirchildren’s standardoflivingwillbebetter thantheirown
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 18 Youngpeoplecanfeelunderpressuretoachieveineducationwhichiscloselylinked withteenagementalhealthproblems.CallstoChildLineaboutschoolandeducation problemswereup13%onthepreviousyearin2013-14,withyoungpeopleworrying aboutdisappointingtheirparents,fearingfailureandfindingithardtomanagethe pressure.45 Employerssaythatexperienceoutsidetheclassroom,suchasextra- curricularactivities,makeyoungjobapplicantsstandoutfromthecrowd.46 Moreover, althoughacademicgradesarethemostimportantfactorconsideredbyuniversity admissionsteams,evidenceofextra-curricularactivitiesremainsanimportantpartof theapplicationprocess,andcanhelpthemdecidebetweenapplicantswithsimilar grades.47 UndergraduatestudentsinEnglandpaythehighesttuitionfeesinthe OECDonaverage,48 andwhilenumbersofschoolleaversgoingontouniversityhas bouncedbackfollowingadropinthefirstyearofthenewfeeregime,therehasbeena “significantandsustained”fallinpart-timeandmaturestudents.49 Despitenowdoingbetterineducation,youngwomenareoverrepresentedamong youngpeoplenotineducation,employmentortraining(NEETS),areonaverage NEETforlonger,andaremorelikelytogetstuckinlow-paidorinsecurework.50 Young womenpredicttheywillearnalowersalarythanyoungmenwhentheyareolder,and aremorelikelytolackconfidencethattheyhavealltheinformationneededtogeta jobtheywouldbehappywith.51 Asadults,womenaremorelikelythanmentohavea degreethanmen,butmenstilloccupymoreseniorpositionsthanwomen.52 Reality check 1. Fewerthanhalf(45%)ofthe‘worstoff’youngpeoplethinktheywillearn enoughmoneytosupportafamilyinfuture,comparedtothreequartersofthe ‘bestoff’(77%)53 2. Britain’syoungpeople(aged12to18-yearsold)feelstressedforalmostfive hoursaday,withpressureaboutwhethertheywillpasstheirexamstheir numberoneworry54 3. Despiteworking,48%of20to34-year-oldswholivewiththeirparentsdoso becausetheycan’taffordtorentorbuytheirownhome55 4. Despitegirls’educationalattainmentbeinghigherthanthatofboys,overtheir lifetimewomenearn40%lessthanmenonaverage56 5. Differencesinthenumberofboysandgirlsstudyingscience,technology, engineeringandmaths(STEM)subjectsaremuchhigheramongstthosefrom lessadvantagedbackgrounds57 45 NSPCC(2015)YoungpeoplecontactingChildLinestrugglingwithmentalhealthissues,released13February2015 46 WorldChallenge(2015)StepAhead:Whatemployersarelookingforwhenrecruitinggraduatesandschoolleavers, p.2 47 WorldChallenge(2015)GivingyoutheEdge:Whatistherealvalueofextra-curricularexperienceintheuniversity applicationprocess?,p.2 48 OECD(2015)EducationataGlance2015,p.265(ChartB5.2) 49 SuttonTrust(2015)IndependentCommissiononFees:2015FinalReport,p.1 50 YoungWomen’sTrust(2015)ScarredforLife:CreatingaWorkingFutureforYoungWomen,p.3 51 CityGuilds(2015)GreatExpectations:Teenagers’careeraspirationsversustherealityoftheUKjobsmarket,p.15 52 EHRC(2015)IsBritainFairer?Thestateofequalityandhumanrights2015,p.35 53 Barnado’s(2015)HowmuchdoyouknowaboutGeneration‘Selfie’?,p.5 54 SeaCadets,Teensarestressedforfivehourseveryday(16November2015) 55 Shelter(2014)Theclippedwinggeneration:Analysisofadultslivingathomewiththeirparents,p.3 56 Swinford,S.(2015)‘Womenwillearn40percentlessthanmenintheirlifetime’,Telegraph.co.uk:25August2015 57 Codiroli,N.(2015)Inequalitiesinstudents’choiceofSTEMsubjects:Anexplorationofintersectionalrelationships,p.18 Themetwo Opening doors
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 19 What families tell us It’s like one step forward, two steps back Giventheuncertaintytheyfeelaboutthepresent,manyfamiliesaredeeplyuneasy aboutwhatthefuturemightholdfortheirchildren.Theytellusthatlifeisgettingharder andwilllikelybecomeharderstillfortheirchildren.Theysayitseemsincreasingly difficulttomovebeyondtheplacewhereyouwerebornandbelievethepotentialof socialmobilityhasmovedoutofthereachofthemajority. Parentsareacutelyawareofinequality,describingthecountryturningintoanationof “havesandhavenots”,withsomedescribingasenseofbeing“corneredoffintorich andpoor”.Despitehighaspirationsfortheirchildrenmanyparentsareworriedhow theysupporttheirchildrentoachievetheirpotential,andhaveadjusted(down)their expectationsasaresult. Back in the day it was easier Parent’stopconcernsfortheirchildren’sfuturearearoundtheaffordabilityofhigher andfurthereducation,accesstosecureandwell-paidemploymentandtheir likelihoodofrentingorowningtheirownhome.Youngpeoplealsoseetheseasthe barrierstothemreachingadulthoodandbecomingfullyindependent,andarescared abouthowtheywillachievethesemilestones. Parentsworryaboutwhethertheirchildrenwillbeshoulderedwithdebtalloftheir livesandwonderiftheywillbeabletoleaveanysavingsforthemwhentheyaregone duetotheirownfinancialcircumstances.Theyreflectthatwhentheirgenerationwere younghousingwasmoreaccessible,affordableandsecure,thattheyhadgreater employmentsecurityandwerebetterabletosaveforthefuture;aviewsharedby youngpeopleofhowgenerationshavechanged. The country is missing out on these clever minds Familiessaythatthecostsassociatedwithaccessingtheopportunitiesavailableto youngpeoplearetoohighandoutofthereachofmany.Theyfeelthatwhogetswhat dependsonwhereyouarefromandhowmuchmoneyyouhave.Whenaskedwhat havingmoneywouldchangeintheirlivesmanyyoungpeoplesayitwouldimprove theiremploymentopportunities. Familiesagreeontheimportanceoffurtherenrichingactivitiesforchildrenoutside ofeducation,suchastrips,sportsandhobbies,butmanywespoketosaytheseare notpossibleforthemtoaccessbecauseoftheassociatedcosts.Evenfreeactivities, suchasafootballclubforexample,stillinvolvespayingforkit,bootsandtravel.Some parents,includingthoseworkinglongorirregularhoursaswellassingleparents, areparticularlytimepoorandcanstruggletogettheirchildrentoactivitiesoutsideof schoolormaketimeforfamilyactivitiestogether. Parentswithgreaterincomeandresourcesavailabletothemsaytheyare“lucky” tohavetheskills,moneyandnetworkstoprovidetheirchildrenwiththesocialand culturalcapitaltheyneedtogetoninlife,andareawarethisisnotthecaseforall children.Theseparentsareconfidentthattheirownchildrenwillsucceedbecause theyareabletosetthemupinlifeandwillalwaysbethereforthemtofallbackonif timesgethard.Otherparents,particularlyonlowerincomes,feelsimilarlyresponsible fortryingtohelptheirchildrensourceandbepartofthesekindofactivitiesthatwill helpthemgrowandgeton,butareinlessofapositiontobeableto. Themetwo Opening doors Now it’s so hard to make progression in life, that’s your station and you can’t go anywhere until we say so. That’s who you are in life. You’re stuck waiting and hoping that something is going to change. Amir*, parent My dad just worked his way up; now you can’t get even get an internship without going to university Hannah, 18, Bath
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 20 Overwhelming pressure to succeed Familiesbelievethereisnowawiderrangeofjobsandcareeropportunitiesavailable toyoungpeoplethanwerethereforthemwhentheywereyounger,butarenotalways awareofhowbesttonavigatetheseorsupporttheirchildrentomakethechoices thatwillmostbenefitthem.Alongwithmoreopportunitiestodowell,parentsare concernedabouttheincreasedpossibilitiesfortheirchildren’sfuturesto“gowrong”– forthemtotakeawrongturnorbeleftoutalongtheway–andtheyfeelresponsible forensuringthisdoesnothappen. Parentsbelievethattheseincreasedopportunitiesalsomeanhigherstakesforyoung people,withagreateremphasisonqualifications,higherexpectationsfromayounger ageandunprecedentedpressurestosucceedfromwhentheyareyoung.Young peopledescribethesepressuresintermsofhavingtogrowupyoungandfeelingthat theirwholefuturerestsondoingwellasachild.Manysaythatpassingexamsand achievingatschooliswhatworriesthemthemost,linkingthistotheriseinteenage mentalhealthproblems. They should teach a class in school about life skills Despitetheweightofexpectationrestingonthem,andthepressuretheyface toachieve,youngpeoplefeelpoorlyequippedfortheiradultlives.Theysaythe focusintheeducationsystemonpassingexamsoverlooksyoungpeople’swider lackofpreparednessforreallifeandallthatentails.Manyhavelargegapsintheir knowledgebase,whetherornottheycomefromsupportivefamilies,inparticular aroundhowtomanagemoney,findingworkandthepracticalitiesaroundliving independently.Thereisastrongappetiteforaneducationsystemthatbettermeets theirneedsinachangingworldwheretheybelievethepressurestosucceed,inall aspectsoftheirlives,aresomuchgreater. Boys get footballs, girls get pink dresses Onthewholefamiliessaythatsocietyhascomealongwaywithregardstogender equality,andarehopefulthatboththeirdaughtersandsonswillachieveallthatthey dreamofinthefuture–regardlessofgender.Someparents,however,saysociety remainsmale-dominatedandthatgirlsandyoungwomenhavenotyetachieved equality.Forthem,thepaceofchangeistooslowandtheybelieveyoungwomenare beingheldbackbecauseofit. Somespokeofthegenderstereotypesthataregeneratedandperpetuatedfromthe earlyyears,includingaroundwhattoys,clothesandcoloursareseenasacceptable orappropriateforboysandgirls,andhowthiscaninfluencetheirchildren’sfuture expectationsandoutcomes.Theyfeltthisdidasmuchofadisservicetoboysasto girlsinthelimitationsitplacedonthem. Areaswhereparentshighlightedroomforfurtherprogresstobemadeforincludedin education(particularlyinscience,technology,engineeringandmaths(STEM)subjects andnon-academicvocationalroutes)andinemploymenttoachieveequalpayand smashthe‘glassceiling’.Bothparentsandchildrensaythe‘motherhoodpenalty’is apotentialdisadvantageforyoungwomenwhentheygrowup,withsomeyoung womentalkingabouttheexpectationstheyfelttheyfacedtobeawifeandamother beforeallelse. Themetwo Opening doors The stress and pressure on us adults now, in ten years time, I dread the pressure that will be on them. Pete, parent, South Wales I never got taught how to manage a mortgage or tax, but I know about leaves. Talk to me about a leaf, I’ll tell you what’s inside it, how it grows… Callum, 18, Buckinghamshire Girls are expected to be passive little princesses. This won’t help them in life. Jade*, parent, South East
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 21 A way forward Youngpeoplearegrowingupinaworldverydifferenttowhentheirparentswere young,whichtheyseecharacterisedashavingbothgreateropportunityand greaterchallenges,withmorechancesofgoingwrong.Asaresultparentscan struggletoknowhowtohelptheirchildrengetonorwhattherightchoicesare tomake. Notaccessingthepotentialofpartofthenextgenerationisnotonlyalossfor families,butalsoalossfortheeconomy.Regional,socio-economicandgender disparitiesinopportunityandoutcomemustbeactivelyrecognisedandtackled toensureyoungpeopleofallbackgroundsandfromallareasofthecountrycan achieve,liveindependentlyandcontribute.Withoutequippingyoungpeople withtheskillstheyneedforasuccessfuladulthood,theyriskmakingchoicesthat mightdamagetheirfuturesornotbeabletonavigatetheworldinthesameway astheirpeers. Familiesmusthaveaccesstoarangeofactivitiesfromwhentheirchildrenare bornandthroughouttheirchildhoodtohelpthembroadentheirhorizonsand equipthemwiththeinformation,networksandskillstheyneedtodowell.Families needopportunitiesandcareersadvicethatnotonlyhelpschildrenunderstand theiroptionsbutsupportsparentswithhowtobestadvisetheirchildrenonthe realitiesofachangingemploymentmarket. •• Services,schoolsandlocalauthoritiestocreatemorefreefamilyactivitiesfor parentswithchildrenofallages,andawiderrangeoffreeextracurricularclubs andactivities,includingmusiclessons,sports,breakfastandafterschoolclubs, sothesearen’toutofreachtothosewithoutthemoneytopayforthem. •• Schoolstoprovidelifeskillseducationtohelpprepareyoungpeoplefortheir adulthoodandallthatwillbeexpectedofthem Youngpeoplesuggestthat‘lifeskills’shouldbetaughtinschoolandshould includemoneymanagement,avoidingproblemdebtandloans,payingbills, findinghousing,thepracticalitiesofgettingajobandpayingtax. •• Careersguidancewhichbringsyoungpeople,theirparentsandemployers togethertobetterplanfortheirfutures,inparticularsupportingparentsonhow tobestadvisetheirchildrenontheopportunitiesavailabletothem,helping ‘future-proof’theiroptionsandcareers. •• Mentalhealthservicestosupportyoungpeopletocopewiththepressures theyfacetoachieveineducationthroughgreateraccesstomentalhealth supportatkeytransitionandpressurepointssuchasfromprimarytosecondary school,atexamtimeandintherun-uptoleavingschool. Themetwo Opening doors
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 22 ThemethreeThemethree Family in the digital age 3
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 23 Themethree Family in the digital age Background Theinternetandsocialmediaarenowcentraltochildren’s experienceofgrowingup,beingthefirstgenerationtogrowup neverhavingknownaworldwithoutit.Bytheageoftwomost childrenareusingatablet,laptoporcomputer,withaccess nearlyuniversalbytheageoffour.58 Themajority(84%)of adultsbelievethereareeducationalbenefitstohavingaccess totabletsandsmartphones,59 thinkbeingonlineisinvaluable forkeepingtheminformedaboutcurrentissues(64%)andsay ithelpsthemkeepintouchwithfriendsandfamily(60%).60 Formostyoungpeopletheinternetisapositiveplacewiththemajoritysayingpeople arekindtothemonline(63%),theirfriendsareclosertothembecauseoftheinternet (63%)andtheywouldbelonelyiftheycouldnottalktotheirfriendsviatechnology.61 Ingeneral,parentsalsobelievethatthebenefitsofgoingonlineoutweightherisks fortheirchildren–half(51%)ofparentsofthreetofour-year-oldswhousetheinternet agreethatthepositivesoutweighthenegatives,asdotwothirds(65%)ofparentsof fiveto15-year-oldswhogoonline.62 Yetdespiteallthebenefitstechnologybrings,overtwo-fifthsofparents(43%)believe theirchildrenspendtoomuchtimeinfrontofscreens.63 Overafifthof12to13-year-olds (21.6%),andsimilarnumbersof14to15-year-olds(22.5%),saytheyalmostalways wakeupduringthenighttousesocialmedia,64 withnight-timeusageofsocialmedia relatedtolowerself-esteemandhigheranxietyanddepressionlevels.65 There hasbeenincreasingconcernabouttheprevalenceofonlineabuse,withChildLine reportinga73%increaseincounsellingsessionsaboutthisbetween2011/12and 2013/14.66 Childrencanalsobecomevictimsofpeerpressurewhenusingtheinternet, drivingriskybehaviour–researchsuggeststhat14%of10and17-year-oldshave lookedatpornonlineand12%havelookedupviolentvideosonYouTubeorFacebook, with9%sayingtheydidsobecausetheyfeltpressurisedbyfriends.67 Thevastmajorityofparentsareactivelyengagedinmediatingtheirchild’sonline activityinsomeway.68 UKchildrenexperiencefeweronlinerisksandtheirparentsare moreawareoftheirexperiencesanddomoretomediatetheirinternetsafetythanthe Europeanaverage.69 Parentswhoaremostconfidentandskilledusingtheinternet 58 Childwise(2015)TheMonitorPre-SchoolReport2015:Keybehaviorpatternsamong0to4yearolds,p.7 59 Comres(2015)Channel4NewsChildren’sScreenUsePoll,p.21(Table21) 60 Ofcom(2015)TheCommunicationsMarket2015,p.86 61 UKSaferInternetCentre(2015)Friendshipinadigitalage,p.2 62 Ofcom(2015)ChildrenandParents:MediaUseandAttitudesReport,p.132 63 Comres(2015)Channel4NewsChildren’sScreenUsePoll,p.21(Table21) 64 Horton,K.etal(2015)Routinesandrest:thesleepbehavioursof12to15yearolds,p.14 65 UniversityofGlasgow,Pressuretobeavailable24/7onsocialmediacausesteensanxietyanddepression (11September2015) 66 NSPCC(2015)UnderPressure:ChildLineAnnualReview2013/14,p.44 67 McAfee(2013)DigitalDeception:TheOnlineBehaviourofTeens,p.4 68 Ofcom(2014)OfcomReportonInternetSafetyMeasures:Strategiesofparentalprotectionforchildrenonline,p.4 69 Livingstone,S.etal(2010)Risksandsafetyforchildrenontheinternet–theUKreport:FullfindingsfromtheEUKids OnlinesurveyofUK9-16yearoldsandtheirparents,p.10 43% Overtwo-fifthsofparents(43%) believetheirchildrenspendtoo muchtimeinfrontofscreens
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 24 themselvescanadvisetheirchildrenbetteronhowtostaysafeonlineandwhat decisionstomakeabouthowtheyuseit.70 Parentalattemptstorestrictandmonitor internetusearelesssuccessfulthansupportiveandenablingparentingthat allowschildrentoself-regulatetheirowninternetandsocialmediausageandbuild resilienceonline.71 A reality check 1. Two-fifthsofadults(42%)admittocheckingtheirphonesatthedinnertable72 2. 60%ofparentssaytechnologygetsinthewayoffamilytime73 3. Justoveroneintenyoungpeoplehaveexperiencedcyberbullyinginthelast 12monthsinEngland74 4. 58%ofchildrenagedfiveto16describethemselvesasveryconfidentatusing moderntechnology,butonly27%thinkthesameistrueoftheirparents75 5. 76%ofyoungpeoplesaytheinternetensurestheirfriendsareavailable wheneverandwherevertheyneedthem76 What families tell us When not used excessively, it enriches and educates lives Familieswespoketowereverypositiveaboutthebenefitstechnologybringstotheir lives.Itprovidesthemwithinvaluableinformation,pointstheminthedirectionofuseful servicesandbringseducationalbenefits,forallages.Ithelpsthemstayintouchwith familyandfriends,bothnearandfar,inwaystheywouldneverhavebeenableto previously. Bothparentsandyoungpeoplesaytheinternetoffersthemtheopportunitytoreach otherpeoplelikethem,orwhoaregoingthroughsimilarexperiencestothem,andthat thepeersupportandfriendshiptheygainfromthisisinvaluable.Thenetworksitopens upforthem,whentheyneedhelporwanttoreachout,canreduceisolationandat timessupportthemthroughcrisis. Youngpeopleinparticulartalkabouthowbeingonlinehelpsthemfindotherpeople withsimilarviewsorintereststotheirown,andsaytheinternethelpsthemlearnawide rangeofviewpoints.Thishashelpedthemmakenewconnections,openupawider rangeofopportunitiesandbecomemoreindependent. It ruins family life – people don’t talk to each other Despiteallthepositives,however,familiessaytechnologycanhaveapotentially damagingandnegativeimpactontheirlives.Bothadultsandchildrenassociatethe increaseduseoftechnologywithreducedface-to-facecommunication,physical activityandoutdoorplay,whichtheyseeasatroublingchangeinsociety. 70 Livingstone,S.etal(2015)Howparentsofyoungchildrenmanagedigitaldevicesathome:Theroleofincome, educationandparentalstyle,p.6 71 Przybylski,Dr.Aetal(2014)ASharedResponsibility:BuildingChildren’sOnlineResilience,p.4 72 Ofcom(2015)TheUKisnowasmartphonesociety,pressrelease6August2015 73 4Children(2016)Nationallyrepresentativepollingof1,922parentsofchildren18andunderconductedbyYouGovPlc 74 DepartmentforEducation(2015)Bullying:EvidencefromtheLongitudinalStudyofYoungPeopleinEngland2,wave 2:Researchbrief,p.12 75 Child-WiseMonitorreportRoundUp,p.5 76 YouthNet(2011)LifeSupport:Youngpeople’sneedsinadigitalage,p.5 Themethree Family in the digital age The internet really helps, you can really relate to people online because you can find people with the same experiences… Technology can be really helpful. Alex, 17, South London
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 25 Familiesareparticularlyconcernedaboutthedistractiontechnologycancausein themoment,theimpactithasonthemspendinggoodqualitytimetogetherandhow ithaschangedthewaytheirfamilyinteracts.Somesaytheyhardlyeverspendtime togetherwithoutatleastonepersonintheroombeingoccupiedbyadevice. Technology, social media has placed huge pressures on children Aswellasthedrainonfamilytimeandthedistractionfromfacetofaceexperiences, parentsareworriedaboutwhattheinternetandsocialmediaexposesyoungpeople to.Inparticulartheyspokeabouttheirchildren’sexposuretocontent,ideasand imagesthatareinappropriatefortheiragegroupandtheriskofthemmeetingpeople onlinetheydonotknowandcannottrust. Bothparentsandyoungpeoplespokeaboutthedistortedandcuratedversionof realitysocialmediapresentstothem,bothinrespectofbodyimageandbeauty standards,aswellasthesocialanxietysocialmediacangenerate.Bothparentsand youngpeopleadmitthateventhoughtheytrytoresistittheyoftencannothelpbut comparethemselvestoothersonline,andtalkabouthowdamagingthiscanbeto theirself-esteem. Inparticular,youngpeopletalkaboutthepressuretheyandtheirfriendsfeelina “competitiveworld”togainpopularityandself-affirmationthroughsocialmedia. Theygiveexamplesoftheirfriendsstayingupallnightorhavingcompetitions withtheirfriendstoseehowmany‘likes’or‘friends’theycanget,ordoingand postingpotentiallyriskythingstogainnotorietythrough‘shares’.Theytalkabout howaddictivethisrelationshipwithtechnologycanbeandthedamagingimpact itcanhaveontheirmentalhealth.Somewhohadtakenbreaksfromsocialmedia, voluntarilyorotherwise,talkedaboutboththepanicandthepeacethisbroughtthem. As parents we have been quite strict Thefearparentscaninternalisearoundthepotentialdangersoftechnologycanbe all-consumingattimes,impactingtheirparentingandcausingthemtoputagreatdeal ofpressureonthemselvestoreducethepotentialriskstheyseearoundthem.They tellusthattoacertainextenttheythinktheirfearscouldbeinflatedorexaggerated bythemedia,andcompoundedbywhattheyseethroughasocialmediabubbleand feedbackloop,butareunsuretowhatdegreethisthreatisthecase. Parentsbelievetheyhaveaclearroleintryingtomanagetheirchildren’srelationship withtechnology,employingstrategiessuchaskeepinglistsoftheirchildren’s passwords,monitoringtheiractivityorsettingoutrulesforeveryone’susageofdevices inthehousehold.Theydonotwanttoruntheriskofnottakingthethreatstheyhear aboutseriouslyandmanyhaveenforcedstrictrulesontheirfamily’sinternetusage, eitherasaresultofseriousinstancesoftheirchildren’ssafetybeingcompromised,or theirfearthatsomethingterriblewillhappeniftheydonot. Youngpeople,however,talkabouttheirparents’attemptstomanagetheirinternet accessasoftenmisplacedorfruitless,givenhowlittletheybelieveoldergenerations trulyunderstandoftheirlivesonline.Mostyoungpeopleareawaretheyneedto managetheirownriskswithtechnology,talkingabouthavingto‘block’peopleonline andbeingcautiousaboutwhotheytrust,buttheydonotalwaysfeelwellequippedto keepthemselvessafeorfeelprotectedonline. Themethree Family in the digital age People want these “likes” so much they immerse themselves in social media and they almost lack the skills to talk to people. Jake, 16, Herefordshire Social media means you’re always comparing yourself to friends and celebrities… Technology means there are more ways to feel left out Jordan*, 17, London
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 26 When I was at school, for example say somebody was to be bullied, you’d have that at school but then you could go home and it wouldn’t follow you. But now, it never shuts off does it? You get your Facebook messages, text messages… Siobhan*, parent, Herefordshire It never shuts off Familiestalkaboutneverbeingableto“switchoff”fromtheinternetandsomechildren talkaboutneverbeingabletotakeoffthearmourtheyputonatschooltopresenta certainpersona.Parentstalkabouttheexpectationtheyfeeltopresentandcuratean imageoftheirfamily’ssuccessandhappinessonsocialmedia,andthepressurethey putonthemselvesbycomparingtheirlivestootherpeople’sonline. Childrenfeltsimilarlyaboutthepressuretopresentthemselvesacertainwayonsocial media,andsaidthatattimesthiscouldbecomeanobsessionthattookovertheirlives. Somespokeaboutnotbeingabletolettheirguarddownathomeastheymayhave doneinthepastbecausetheironlineworldiseverpresent. Allyoungpeopleknowinstancesofotherstheiragebeingbulliedonlineorhaving imagessharedwithouttheirconsentandcangiveexamplesofhowquicklythiscan escalateandspreadaroundtheirpeergroup.Theysaytheanonymityoftheinternet makesitmucheasierforpeopletoputonafrontorpersona,aswellastodocruel, riskyandharmfulthingstoothersthattheywouldnotnormallydoinperson. Thosewhohadexperienceofcyberbullyingsaytheyortheirchildrendonotfeel safeanywhere;evenwhentheycomehomeandshutthedoorbehindthem,the victimisationcontinuesintheirbedroomthroughtheirphone,tabletorlaptop.Both adultsandchildrenmakeconnectionsbetweenthisself-harmandsuicide. A way forward Weliveinanincreasinglydigitalworld,withtechnologypresentingopportunities andrisksforusallwhileplayingakeyroleinthewayfamiliesnowinteract.Very fewchoosetoactivelydisengagefromitbutareinsteadlookingforstrategiesto supporttheirfamilytouseitsafely.Theywanttechnologytobettersupportand facilitatetheirlives,ratherthandominatingitorposingriskstothem. Bothparentsandyoungpeoplewanttobuildskillsandresiliencetomanage theirrelationshipwithtechnology,keepthemsafeonlineandmaximisethe opportunitiestechnologybrings.Tobeabletodothisparentsneedmoresupport tobetterunderstanditthemselves,sotheyinturncanhelpandsupporttheir children. Givenhowstrongthemessagehasbeenfrombothparentsandyoungpeople thattheyfeelconflictedbytechnologyandstruggletomanagetheirrelationship withit,4Childrenwillcontinuetodevelopthisareaofwork. •• Forservicestodevelopfurther‘digitalparenting’supporttohelpparents understandtheinternetbetterthemselvesandsupportchildren’ssafeand positiveexplorationoftheinternet,helpingthemdevelopskillsandresilienceto potentialharm. •• Families,bothparentsandchildren,tocommittoanhouradayfreefrom devicestospendqualitytimewitheachotheroffline Themethree Family in the digital age
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 27 Theme four The gender split 4
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 28 Themefour The gender split Background InmostofBritain’stwoparenthouseholdsbothpartnersnow tendtowork,withwomen’sparticipationinthelabourmarket havingincreasedsignificantlyoverthelastthreedecades.77 Despitewomen’sincreasedroleinthepaidworkforce, however,menhaveyettotakeonanincreasedroleinunpaid workinthehome,with60%ofwomensayingtheydomore thantheirfairshare(comparedto10%ofmen),and37%of menreportingdoinglessthantheirfairshare(comparedto 6%ofwomen).78 MothersinBritaincanfindbalancingworkingandraisingchildrenparticularlydifficult, with65%sayingthathavingchildrenhadanegativeeffectontheircareer.79 Women stillfaceasubstantialmotherhoodpenalty,withlowerthanaveragelife-timeearnings andlessprogressionatworkasaresultoftakingtimeouttocareforchildren.80 Womenfrequentlyactasthe“shock-absorbers”ofpoverty,protectingtheirchildren fromitsworstaffects,forexamplebygoinghungrytofeedtheirchildren.81 Aswellas additionalworkaroundthehouse,womentendtohavemorecaringresponsibilities thanmen,includingofolderrelatives.Manywomenprovidecareforboth grandchildrenandelderlyparents,knownasthe‘sandwichgeneration’,jugglingthis withtheresponsibilityofpaidwork;itisoftenworkinggrandmothersprovidinginformal childcarefortheirgrandchildren.82 Fathersaroundtheworldsaytheywanttobemoreinvolvedinthelivesoftheir childrenandwouldworklessifitmeantthattheycouldspendmoretimewiththem.83 Parentswhoworkfulltimehavemuchlessfreetimetospendwiththeirchildrenand family.Giventhatmenaremorelikelythanwomentoworkfulltime,fatherscan struggletobemorehandsonintheirparenting,spendingmuchlesstimewiththeir childrendoingroutineactivities,suchashelpingwithhomeworkorsittingdowntoa mealtogether.84 Fathershaveanimportantroletoplayinchilddevelopmentandcaregiving,both directlyfortheirchildrenandindirectlyaspartofacare-givingteam,acrossachild’s lifecycle.85 Whenfathersdeveloptheirownwaysofparentingandspendmore timeontheirowncaringfortheirbaby,astrongbaby-fatherbondcandevelop. Additionally,bothmothers’mentalhealthandcouples’relationshipsarebetterwhen fathersaremorehandsoninlookingafterbabies.86 77 NatCenSocialResearch(2013)BritishSocialAttitudes,vol.30,GenderRoles:AnIncompleteRevolution?,p.117 78 Ibid,p.115 79 Mumsnet(2015)JobsandtheMotherhoodPenalty 80 FawcettSociety(2014)TheTimetoActisNow:Fawcett’sGenderPayGapBriefing,p.4-5 81 FabianSociety(2015)HungryforChange:ThefinalreportoftheFabianCommissiononFoodandPoverty,p.11 82 IPPR(2013)TheSandwichGeneration:Olderwomenbalancingworkandcare,p.9 83 MenCare(2015)StateoftheWorld’sFathers:AMenCareAdvocacyPublication,p.18 84 ModernFatherhood(2013)Fathers’involvementwithchildren,p.2 85 Barker,Gary(2015)‘Whymen’scaregivingmattersforyoungchildren:lessonsfromtheMenCarecampaign’,EARLY CHILDHOODMATTERSvol.124,pp51-52 86 MenCareFatherhoodInstitute(2014)MakingthemostoffatherstoImprovematernalandinfanthealth,p.1 60% ofwomensaytheydomorethan theirfairshareofunpaidwork inthehome(comparedto10% ofmen)
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 29 Sharedparentinghasclearbenefitsforearlychildhooddevelopment.Five-year-olds withtwosupportiveparentsscoremorehighlyonlanguagedevelopmentandshared decision-makingbetweenmothersandfathersisdirectlylinkedtoyoungchildren’s academicandsocialskills.87 Officialgovernmentestimates,however,statethattake- upofSharedParentalLeave(whichcameintoeffectinApril2015)willonlybebetween twoandeightpercent,88 comparedto69%take-upinPortugaland88%take-upin Sweden.89 Oneofmen’smainconcernsabouttakingadvantageofSharedParental Leaveisthattheywouldbefinanciallyworseoff(37.6%),orthatitmightaffecttheir career(31.7%).90 Familyandchildrenservicescanstruggletoengagewithfathers,andinturn,many fathersdonotalwaysaccesstheseservicesorfeelwelcomewhentheydo.91 Family servicesareoftenmodelledonprojectsdesignedformothers,notadvertisedin therightplacestoreachfathersanddonotreflecttheirexperiences.92 Mencanfeel excludedinmaternitysettingsandfacealackofconsiderationfrommaternitystaff,93 andathirdofdadshaveneversoughtadviceonparenting.94 A reality check 1. Womenspendonaverage13hoursaweekonhouseworkand23hourson caringforfamilymembers,wheretheequivalentfiguresformenare8hours and10hoursrespectively95 2. Almostthree-quarters(74%)ofmotherssayitisdifficulttocombinepaidwork andchildren96 3. TwooutofthreeBritishadultsthinkthattherolefather’splayinraisingtheir childrenisundervalued97 4. Morethan87%ofmensaytheywouldliketoshareparentalleavewiththeir partnerafterthebirthoftheirchildbutmostarereluctanttoasktheirbosses, and31%saidtheirmanagerwouldnotunderstand98 5. Take-upofAdditionalPaternityLeavewasonly1.4%in2012/1399 87 FatherhoodInstitute(2014)Co-parentingandEarlyChildhoodDevelopment,p.1-2 88 DepartmentforBusiness,InnovationandSkills(2013),ModernWorkplaces:SharedParentalLeaveandPay AdministrationConsultation–ImpactAssessment,p.4 89 WorkCareSharecampaign 90 ONSandOpinionMatters(January,2015)SharedParentalLeave:PublicAttitudes,p.102-103 91 FamilyLives(2014)Fathersandfamilies:Aguidetoassistparentingpractitionerswithincludingandworkingwith fathers,p.1 92 Ibid. 93 CentreforSocialJustice(2015)FullyCommitted?HowaGovernmentcouldreversefamilybreakdown,p.61-62 94 ActionforChildren(2014)1in3dadsdon’taskforparentingadvice,pressrelease:14July2014 95 NatCenSocialResearch(2013)BritishSocialAttitudes,vol.30,GenderRoles:AnIncompleteRevolution?,p.115 96 BritishPregnancyAdviceService(2015)BecomingaMother:UnderstandingWomen’sChoicesToday,p.13 97 HuffingtonPost(2014)‘AreDadsTreatedAsABitOfAJoke?’,14August2014,coverageofICMWorkingWith Menpolling 98 SlaterGordon(2015)Menarereluctanttoasktheirbossforsharedparentalleave,pressrelease28May2015 99 AdditionalPaternityLeavewasthepreviouspolicyallowingfatherstotakebetween2and26weeksofunused maternityleaveaftertheirpartnerreturnedtowork.From:TUC(2013)JustOnein172FathersTakeAdditional PaternityLeave,pressrelease:13June2013 Themefour The gender split
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 30 What families tell us It should be a joint partnership, but often it isn’t Familiessaythattheperceptionisgreaterthanrealitywhenitcomestotheideaof genderequalityathomeandintheworkplace.Despitetheaspirationsparentsin heterosexualcoupleshavetoraisechildrenjointly,manytalkaboutthefrequently stereotypicalrolestheyplayinthehouseholdandthetensionstheycomeupagainst inbalancingresponsibilities. Childrenalsocommentonthedifferentrolestheyseetheirparentsplayingwhich frequentlyreflectgenderedandunequaldivisionsofhousework,parentingorcaring, andhowthiscanfrustratethem.Thesedifferencesalsoplayoutinhowsiblingsare treated.Girlsandyoungwomenreflectonhowtheyareexpectedtodomorearound thehouseandsaytheirparentsarestricterormoreprotectivewiththemthantheir brothers,sayingthatboys“haveiteasier”thantheminmanyways. Manymothersreflectpositivelyonthechangeinwomen’slivesfromprevious generations,butsaythatlittlehaschangedformenwithregardstothetimetheygive tohousework,childcareoreldercare.Workingmothersdescribethepressurethey feeltofulfilanumberofrolesandoftendoa‘tripleshift’(theirownjob,childcareand housework)whereasfathersworkingfull-timearerarelyexpectedtodoasmuch ‘familywork’outsideoftheirworkinghours.Evenmothersworkingpart-timesaythey oftenendupworkingmorehoursanywaytofitinallthatisrequiredofthem,aswellas balancingtheirroleathome.Womensaytheyrarelyfeeltheyaregettingthisbalance right,leavingthemfeelingguilty,inadequateandstretchedtoothintogiveasmuchof themselvesastheywouldliketoanyonerole. Somewomensaytheircareerandincomehassufferedasaresultofbecominga mother,despiteworkingjustashard,ifnotmoresoaftertheirchildrenwereborn. Thosewithlowerskillsfeelparticularlydisadvantagedwhentheywanttomoveback intoworkafterhavingchildren,withfewopportunitiesforthemtodeveloptheirskills beyondlow-paid,low-skilledwork. They’ll get before I get, they always do Duetotheunevensplitinresponsibilitiesandrolesinmanyoppositesexcouple families,womencanfeelparticularlyunderpressureandliketheyaretheoneswho needto“solveitall”.Manysaytheybearthebruntoffamilyhardship,goingwithout sotheirchildrencanhavewhattheyneed,andcanlosesleepworryinghowthey willprovideforthem.Motherscanfeelliketheycarrytheweightofresponsibilityfor keepingafamilytogetherandfortendingtotheirdailyemotionalandpracticalneeds. Inthefocusontheirchildren,andbytryingtoprotectthemfromstressandstruggle, motherscanlosefocusonthemselvesandtheirwellbeing.Motherssaythey frequentlyprioritiseeveryoneelseinthefamilybeforethemselves,andthatthiscan takeasignificantemotionalandmentaltollonthem.Singlemothers,whomaybe responsibleforthewholefamilyontheirown,saythiscanleavethemfeelinglonely andlackingsupport.Womenfeelingisolatedandunsupportedinthiswaycanleadto argumentsandconflictwheretheyareinrelationships.Manywomensaytheywant theirmalepartnerstotakemoreresponsibilityathomeandforthepressuretoholdthe familytogethertofeelmoreevenlydistributed. Themefour The gender split The gold standard should be shared care unless it’s in the child’s best interests… children perform better when two parents are in their lives. Lloyd*, parent, South Wales I’ve noticed how much my mum does, and how much more my dad could do. Amber, 18, Bath Stress, anxiety and feeling like the responsibility always falls on me. Feeling I am doing many jobs badly instead of one job well. Monique*, parent, North West
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 31 He feels like he’s losing his family Fathersthemselvessaythatdespitetheoftenunequaldivisionoffamilyresponsibility, manywouldliketobeinvolvedinamorehands-onway,howevertheydonotalways feelableorwellsupportedtodoso.Theysaytheyareunclearoftheirplaceinfamily life,thattheydidnotfeelequippedwiththesameskillsastheirfemalepartnerswhen theirchildrenwerebornandthatthereisapresumptionofmothersasprimarycarersin servicesthatleavesthemfeeling“pushedout”andexcludedbyservices. Somefamiliessaytheyaretooreliantonafather’sincomeforhimtobemoreinvolved infamilylife,evenwhenhewantstobe.Fatherscanoftenfeelthisistheroleexpected ofthem,andsaytheyarelookedtoasthemainproviderandareunderpressureto keepthefamilyafloatfinancially.Wheretheyarethebreadwinner,itcanbedifficult forfatherstosacrificeworktimetobewiththeirfamiliesandsomesayworkoften causesthemtobemoreabsent. Parentssaychildrencanfeeldistantfromandunsureoftheirfathersasaresultof longworkinghours,andanumberofdadsdescribehavingtorestarttheirrelationship everytimetheycomehome.Fatherstalkaboutnothavingtherightparentingskills whensomuchhaschangedinthegapsbetweenthemspendingrealtimewiththeir children,particularlywhenyoung.Theytalkaboutnotbeingabletogivefocussed attentiontoeithertheirchildrenortheirpartnerafterworkorattheweekend,withone relationshipinevitablysuffering.Weheardofveryfewinstanceswhereafather’swork wasflexibleorfamily-friendlyformen. When things are involving your children, we get pushed out Mennotbeingabletoparticipatefullyinfamilylifecanhavedamagingimpactson familyrelationships.Itaffectstheirabilitytoseetheirchildrengrowup,growbonds withthemordeveloptheirownparentingskills,capacityandconfidence. Fatherstellustheydonotfeelwellrecognisedbysocietyorthattheirroleisfully valued.Theytellusaboutcommonsituationsinwhichtheyfeeloverlookedor marginalisedbyprofessionalsfromthemomenttheirpartnerbecomespregnant. Somedescribeawidersocialsuspicionofmenparentingwhichmakeslifeharderfor themandhighlightasocialstigmaaroundsinglefathers,whocanfeelparticularly judgedandseenashaving“donesomethingwrong”toberaisingachildontheir own.Whenthingsgowrongorthereareproblemsinthehouseholdtheyfeeltheyare blamed,pushedoutandrarelygivenanopportunitytofindafamilyfocusedsolution. Mensaythatthemajorityofchildren’sservicesarewomen-focusedandthereislittle supportorspacesspecificallyforfathers.Evenservicesintendedforfamiliescan feelexclusiveandnotwelcomingofmen,andbeyondthatthereareveryfewspaces explicitlywelcomingofmenordesignedtomeettheirneeds.Fatherstellusabout thedifficultyofseekingsupportordiscussingtheiremotions,particularlywhenfamily lifegetstough,andlinkedthistomalementalhealthandsuiciderates.Whilstsome fathersareunsurewhethertheywouldusemen-onlyservices,thosewhodousedad spacesorsupportgroupsdescribetheseasplaceswheretheycanreleasepressure, shareexperiencesandtalkopenly. Themefour The gender split My husband works long hours – he has to build a relationship with our daughter every night all over again. Lucy, parent, Bedford Society and service providers do not recognise the equal role and the value of the father in the home. Duncan*, parent, Scotland
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 32 I used to get daggers at the park – a man in a woman’s environment… everything is focused on the mothers, dads are left in the background. From the midwives to the health visitors, dads get left in the dark. Everything concentrates on the mother” Pete, parent, South Wales A way forward Itisclearthereremainsasignificantlagbetweenthevisionofanequalsociety –whereneitherfathersnormothersareheldbackatworkbyhavingchildrenor preventedfromfullinvolvementinthefamilyduetowork–andtherealityoffamily lifeformanyinBritaintoday. Aculturechangeacrosssocietyandservicesisneededtorealisemen’sfull participationinfamilylife,whichinturnwillhelptoeliminatethemotherhood penaltyandgenderpaygapbyreducingtheamountoftimewomentakeoutof theworkplacetoprovideunpaidcare. Bysupportingbothparentstobeengagedinraisingchildrenasaunitand developingservicestomeettheneedsofmothersandfathers,thehealthand wellbeingofbothpartieswouldimprove,inturnleadingtobetteroutcomesfor children. Recommendations •• Forservicestoensurethatallfamilyservicesareaccessibleandwelcomingto fathers,demonstratedthroughauditprocesseswhichputthistothetest,suchas service-user‘mystery-shopping’oraqualityassurance‘kitemark’. •• Morecommunitynetworksprovidingpeersupportforparentsofyoung children,toreducestressandisolation •• ForemployerstomatchpaternitypayandenhanceSharedParentalpaytoa levelsimilartotheirenhancedmaternitypay,givingfathersthegenuinechoice oftakingtimeoffaftertheirchildisborn. •• Awiderpubliccampaigntoemphasisetheimportantroleoffathersinmodern familylife,helpingtochangetheideaofwhatitmeanstobea‘gooddad’in societyandencouragemorehands-onmaleparenting. Themefour The gender split
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 33 Theme fiveThemefive Engagement and politics 5
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 34 Engagement and politics Background Participationiscentraltocitizenshipinademocracy,yet voterturnoutacrossmostEuropeandemocracieshasbeen indeclineforanumberofyears.100 Long-termtrendstowards greatervoterdisconnectioncontinue,butBritishinterestin politicsisundiminished;only17%trustgovernmentsmostof thetime(comparedto38%in1986),but32%saytheyhave “quitealot”or“agreatdeal”ofinterestinpolitics(similarto 29%in1986).101 Patternsofvoterturnoutatthe2015generalelectionremainedrelativelyunchanged, withnosignificantincreaseinturnoutamongyoungpeople.Youngadults(18to 24-year-olds)arealmosthalfaslikelytovoteasthoseaged65,andturnoutremains loweramongtheworkingclasses,renters,andBMEcommunities.102 Youngpeople’s politicalengagementandconfidenceintheirknowledgeaboutpoliticsvaries significantlybysocialclass,withgreaterengagementfromthosewithhigherlevelsof educationandqualifications.103 Whilstlevelsofpoliticalactivity(suchascontactingacouncillororMP,attendinga rally,takingpartinademonstrationorsigningapetition)havefalleninEngland,they haveincreasedinScotland,with60.9%ofpeoplecarryingoutapoliticalactivityin 2013(upfrom54.4%in2009).104 TheScottishindependencereferendumhashada majoreffectonyoungvotes,withmoreteenagersinterestedinpoliticsasaresult ofit.105 Thetopreasonsgivenamongthosewhodidnotvoteinthe2010generalelection were:notbelievingthattheirvotewouldmakeadifference;thinkingthattheparties andcandidatesareallthesame;alackofinterestinpolitics;andnothavingenough informationorknowledgetomakeaninformeddecision.106 Whilerepresentationwithin nationalparliamentsandassembliesisgenerallyseeingimprovements,bothatthe nationalandlocallevelyoungerpeople,womenandethnicminoritiescontinuetobe under-representedacrossBritain.107 100 Sloam,J.(2013)Youngpeoplearelesslikelytovotethanoldercitizens,buttheyarealsomorediverseinhowthey choosetoparticipateinpolitics;LSEblog 101 BSA(2015)Disengagedanddisconnected?Trendsinattitudestowardspolitics:Papersummary:Politics 102 IpsosMORI(2015)HowBritainvotedin2015 103 Henn,M.Foard,N.(2014)Socialdifferentiationinyoungpeople’spoliticalparticipation:theimpactofsocialand educationalfactorsonyouthpoliticalengagementinBritain,JournalofYouthStudies,vol.17:3,p.363-9 104 LevelsofthiskindofactivityinEnglandhavefallenfrom39.1percentin2007/08to30.1percentin2013/14.In:Miletzk, J.Wardrop,H.(2015)PoliticalrepresentationinBritainisbecomingmorediverse;politicalengagementlessso; LSEblog 105 RobertGordonUniversityAberdeen(2015)RGUstudyshedslightonimpactofindyrefonfirsttimevoters,press release30October2015 106 Survation(2013)ApathyintheUK?Alookattheattitudesofnon-voters,blogaccessed19November2015 107 EHRC(2015)IsBritainFairer?Thestateofequalityandhumanrights2015,p.90-91 Theme five 32% saytheyhave“quitealot”or“a greatdeal”ofinterestinpolitics (similarto29%in1986).
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 35 Althoughmanyyoungpeoplehavebecomedisenchantedwithmainstreampolitics, theirparticipationinsocialmovements,protestsandonlineactivismdemonstratetheir levelsofsocialconsciousnessandcivicengagement.108 Youngpeopledescribethe importantroleoflearningandeducationinimprovingparticipationindemocraticlife, andseepoliticaleducation–bothformalandnon-formal–asanecessityforfurther participation.109 A reality check 1. Only23%ofpeopleagreethatParliamentencouragespublicinvolvementin politics,comparedto30%overtheprevioustwoyears110 2. Aquarterofpeople(26%)believetheyhaveatleastsomeinfluencelocally, butonly14%feeltheyhaveatleastsomeinfluencenationally111 3. Only9%of14to21-year-oldsagreethatpoliticiansatWestminsterrepresent theviewsofpeopletheirage112 4. Nearlytwo-thirds(65%)followpoliticalnewsonadailybasis113 5. Just49%ofpeoplesaytheywouldbecertaintovoteintheeventofan immediategeneralelection,with11%claimingtobe‘absolutelycertainnot tovote’114 What families tell us They just argue…it gets on my nerves WherefamilieshavebeenconsultedlocallyorseentheirMPorCouncilactively engagingwiththeircommunity,theyspeakveryhighlyofthisexperience.Many, however,expressageneralsenseofdisenchantmentwiththemainstreampolitical process.Theyfeeldisengagedandremotefrompoliticsanddecision-making processes,andthiscanleadthemtofeelpowerlessanddistrustful. Whilstthemajorityofthosewespoketochoosetovote,andarefrustratedbythose whodonot,theyremainunconvincedofthedifferenceitmakes.Whilstbothparents andyoungpeoplehavestrongviewsontheimportanceofengagementandhaving theirvoiceheard,manysharealackoffaithinthepoliticalsystemtorepresentthemin thewaytheywouldlike.Somesaytheyseelittledifferencebetweenpoliticalparties orpoliticiansanddonotreallyunderstandwhattheyarevotingfor. Therhetoricandlanguageinwhichpoliticsisconductedputsoffmanyfamilies,who struggletorelatewhattheyheartalkedaboutbypeopleinpositionsofpowertotheir ownsituationsorseehowthosedecisionsmightaffectthem.Theysaypoliticsseems remotefromtheirlives;theywantissuesexplainedmoreclearlyandforpoliticiansto bemorestraight-talkingtobuildtheirtrust. 108 Loader,B.D.,Vromen,A.Xenos,M.A.(2014)Thenetworkedyoungcitizen:socialmedia,politicalparticipationand civicengagement,Information,CommunicationandSociety,vol.17:2,p.143 109 LSEEnterprise(2013)YouthParticipationinDemocraticLife:EACEA2010/03,p.6 110 HansardSociety(2014)AuditofPoliticalEngagement11,p.5 111 HansardSociety(2014)AuditofPoliticalEngagement11,p.28 112 Barnados,IPSOSMori(2015)HowmuchdoyouknowaboutGeneration‘Selfie’?,p.4 113 NatCenSocialResearch(2015)Politics:Disengagedanddisconnected?Trendsinattitudestowardspolitics,British SocialAttitudes32,p.1 114 HansardSociety(2014)AuditofPoliticalEngagement11,p.39 Theme five Engagement and politics It feels like you’re voting, but who are you voting for? It seems very beige. Stew, parent, Buckinghamshire
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 36 Live in the real world, in our shoes Parentstellustheyfeelanxiousand,attimes,despairingabouttheworldthey seearoundthemandthefuturetheyseeaheadofthem.Theywanttobelievethat decisionmakersatboththelocalandnationallevelunderstandtheirlivesand dailychallenges.Theywanttoseeasystemaroundthemthathasgenuine representationoffamilies’viewsandplacesthe“averageworkingfamily”central toitsdecision-making. Parentstellustheydonotfeelthatpoliticiansfacetheday-to-daynormalityof workingfamilies’lives:packinglunchfortheirchildren,doingtheschoolrun,using publictransportorcommuting,havingtocoveralltheirfamilyoutgoingsorlivingin ‘average’housingwithoutenoughspaceorwhererepairsneeddoing.Theyarecritical ofthedisproportionatenumberofpeopleinpositionsofpowerandinfluencefrom privilegedbackgrounds,andwouldliketoseeagreaterproportionofpeopleinthese roleswithawiderrangeofbackgroundsandexperience. Totrulyengagewithcommunitiesfamiliessaytheywouldliketoseepoliticiansonthe ground,withoutpressorpublicity,intheircommunitiesmoreandimmersingthemselves infamilies’lives.Parentssaytheywouldseethisasmoregenuineengagementwith theaverageday-to-daylivesofworkingpeople,andademonstrationofpolitical commitmenttoreallygettotherootoftheproblemsfamiliesfaceandempathise withthem. Thetelevisionprogramme‘SecretMillionaire’wasfrequentlymentionedasa suggestiontobridgethegapbetweenpoliticiansandothers.Familiessawthisasa wayinwhichpeoplewiththeopportunitytomakeachangecangetundertheskin ofaproblem,seeitforwhatitreallyisandfeelitsimpact.Despiteageneralsenseof disenchantmentwiththemainstreampoliticalprocess,wherefamiliesdohavelocal experienceofbeingconsultedlocallyorseeingtheirMPorCouncilactivelyengaging withtheircommunity,theyspeakveryhighlyofthis. Listen to real people Aswellasseeingpoliticiansmoreactivelyengagedintheircommunities,families saytheywanttofeelmoreinvolvedandheardthroughconsultationandinvolvement inareasthataffectthem.Theywantdecision-makerstolistentofamiliesandseek advicefromthegrassrootsonamoreregularbasis. Parentswouldlikelocalandnationaldecision-makerstoseekawiderrangeof informationthatbuildsaricherpictureoffamilylifetoinformtheirevidencebase.As wellasengagingmoreextensivelywithfamiliesthemselves,theysuggestgathering morefirst-handinformationfromthoseworkingfront-lineintheircommunities.They saylocalservices,charities,faithgroupsandindependentadvocates,whooftenhave themostrelevantandup-to-the-minuteawarenessoftheproblemsfamiliesarefacing, shouldbemoreinvolvedinhelpinglocalandnationalgovernmentfindsolutions. Somefamiliesareactivelyinvolvedinsupportingandenablingtheirlocal communities,forexamplethroughvolunteering,communityorganisingorinformal socialaction,butdonotalwaysfeeltheiractionsorexpertiseistakenaccountofby thosewithpowerandinfluenceintheirlocalareas.Ratherthanimposingchangefrom thetop-down,familieswouldlikedecision-makerstolistentowhatcommunitiesneed andcreateabetterbalancethatalsoenableschangethatcomesfromthegrassroots. Theme five Engagement and politics [The Prime Minister] should try and live like we do and then he’d see how hard it is just to live. Just how we live. The house and everything. And the money. Even try living on the money that we’ve got. Molly, 17, Wigan More surveys into real family life covering all walks of life. Ask schools what issues are constantly appearing. Shannon*, parent, London Local councils to get out into their community and ask people what their needs are and what is important to use. This will then feed up. Ashley*, parent, East Midlands
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 37 None of them relate to us as young people Youngpeopleinparticularsaytheyfindithardtohavetheirvoicesheard,donotfeel thattheiropinioncountsandwantmoreopportunitiestobeengagedandeducated. Theycanfeeloverlookedbydecisionmakersandthinkthattheirpointofviewis undervaluedbysocietyasawhole.Thosewhodonotwatchthenews,whoseparents arenotinterestedinpoliticsorwhodonothearmuchaboutcurrentaffairsinschool feelparticularlydistantanddisempowered,andwhattheydoseeofmainstream politicsisnoteasilyrelatabletothem. Generationaldifferencesmeanyoungpeopletodayhaveverydifferentexperiences ofgrowingupcomparedtotheirparents’andpoliticians’generations.Asaresult, youngpeoplebelieveadultscanbetoodistantfromaproblemaffectingyounger generationstoknowhowtofindtheappropriateanswer.Whendecisionsaremade thatwillaffectthem,youngpeoplewanttohaveasayandbeinvolvedinfinding solutionstotheproblemasactiveandequalparticipants. We need to learn more about it Toimprovetheirpoliticalengagementandvotingrates,youngpeoplesaytheir generationneedstobeeducatedaboutpoliticsandengagedwiththesubjectfrom ayoungerage.Someyoungpeoplenotedhowhighprofilethegeneralelection andScottishindependencereferendumwereintheirschools,collegesandon socialmedia,andhowmuchthishadhelpedthemandtheirpeersengagewiththe subjectandbecomeinformedandempoweredasaresult.Aftertheexcitementof theseparticulareventsdieddown,however,theysaidfewattemptshadbeenmade toengagetheminfurtherdiscussionoreducation,whichtheyfeltwasamissed opportunity. Youngpeoplewantengagementthatismeaningful,notjustpayinglipservicetothe processoflisteningtoyoungpeople,whichtheycanseerightthrough.Thosewhoare involvedinyouthforumsorcouncilstalkaboutthevalueofthiskindofparticipation, howtheyhavelearnedmoreaboutdecision-makingprocessesandhowtheir confidencehasgrowntoexpressthemselvesbecauseofit. Theyoungpeoplewespoketosaidtheywouldliketoseepoliticiansinteractmore withtheirlocalschoolstohelpyoungpeopleunderstandthepoliticalsystem, suggestedthatpoliticsbeintegratedandtaughtacrossrelevantsubjects,andthat schoolsseizewideropportunitiestoengagewithandrespondtocurrentaffairsto increaseyoungpeople’sawareness. Theme five Engagement and politics They don’t care about young people’s needs. They care about older people because they vote. They should care about us because we’re the voters of the future. Alex, 17, South London If they made it clearer to understand, I would vote. Educate us more about it, then we might. We need to learn about it. Kyron, 16, South London
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 38 A way forward Whilstconsiderablelocalengagementtakesplaceinmanyareas,withpoliticians andcouncilsregularlyoutinthecommunitiestheyrepresent,clearlymany parentsandyoungpeopledonotfeelwellrepresentedontheissuesthataffect them. Familieswanttofeelclosertoandmoreinvolvedindecisionsaffectingthem.It isimportantthatamoderngovernment,bothlocalandnational,makesgreater effortstoinvolvefamiliestoensurethebestdecisionsarebeingmadeand familiesareempoweredtohaveasay.Thisisparticularlyrelevantatatimewhen devolutionishighontheagenda. Despitefallingratesofmainstreampoliticalparticipationamongstyounger peopleinparticular,thereisclearlypotentialtoincreasetheirengagementinthe politicalprocessbyharnessingtheirenthusiasmtolearnmoreaboutpoliticsand currentaffairs,andtheirwiderengagementwithsocialissues. •• Forschoolstoprovideyoungpeoplewitharangeofconsistentopportunitiesto learnmoreaboutpoliticsbeyondthecurriculum,includingtheprocessbywhich decisionsaremadeandchangecanhappen Youngpeoplesuggestthatinadditiontoteachingpoliticsacrossrelevant subjectareas(e.g.History,EnglishandCitizenship)thereshouldbeconsistent classtimetodiscusscurrentpoliticalissuesandmorechannelsthroughwhich youngpeoplecanhavevoicesheard. •• Localandnationaldecisionmakerstoprovidegreaterawarenessofhow familiescanengagelocallywithissuestheyfeelstronglyabout Theme five Engagement and politics
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 39 Themesix Helping families help themselves 6
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 40 Helping families help themselves Background Strong,goodqualityrelationshipswithpartners,familiesand friendsbringhappiness,healthbenefits,andaretheassets thatcanimproveoutcomesforfamiliesandsavemoneyin thelongterm.115 Feelingasenseofbelongingtofamily,school, workplaceandcommunity,aswellasagoodnetworkof supportiverelationships,canprotectmentalhealth.116 Conflictbetweenparentscanahaveseriousandpotentiallydamagingeffecton childrenofallages,includingbabies,andtherelationshipbetweenparentscan serveasamodelfortheexpectationschildrenhaveofotherrelationships.117 Adult relationshipcounselinghasbeenfoundtosignificantlyimproverelationshipquality, communicationandwellbeing,aswellasbringingsignificantsavingstothepublic pursebyaccruing£11.40inbenefitsforevery£1invested.118 Strongsocialandemotionalfoundationsinthefirstthreeyearsofachild’slife,inlarge partestablishedbythequalityofparenting,arearguablythebiggestdeterminantsof positiveoutcomesthroughoutthelifecourse.119 Preventingtheemergenceofproblems ratherthantacklingtheirconsequenceshasthepotentialtoimprovesocialoutcomes, reducecoststothestateandofferfurtherprospectsforgrowth,120 yetnearly£17billion peryearisspentbythestateonshort-runlateinterventioninEnglandandWales.121 Whilstmuchoftheattentiongiventoparentingfocusesontheearlyyears,ensuring healthyfamilyrelationshipsaschildrengetolderisalsoimportant.Parentswho aresatisfiedwiththeamountoftimetheyspendwiththeirchildren,andwhoknow whatisgoingonintheirteenagers’lives,aremorelikelytobeconfidentintheir parentingskills.122 Whilsttherehasbeenwelcomeinvestmentinsomeareasofsupport,suchas childcare,mentalhealthandtheTroubledFamiliesprogramme,manyofthesupport systemsfamiliesrelyonareexperiencingextremelychallengingcircumstances.123 Realspendingperchildonearlyeducation,childcareandSureStartservicesfellby aquarterbetween2009-10and2012-13andtax-benefitreformsduringthistimehit familieswithchildrenunderfiveharderthananyotherhouseholdtype.124 115 RelateNPC(2015)TheBestMedicine,Theimportanceofrelationshipsforhealthandwellbeing,p.2-3 116 Natcen(2012)Familywellbeing:measuringwhatmattersIdentifyingandvalidatingdomains,p.22-24 117 TavistockCentreforCoupleRelations:Theimpactofcoupleconflictonchildren,policybriefingaccessedat20 November2015 118 DepartmentforEducation(2014)RelationshipSupportInterventionsEvaluation,p.15 119 NewPhilanthropy(2012)Preventionandearlyintervention:ScopingstudyfortheBigLotteryFund,p.2 120 CommunityLinks(2011)TheTripleDividend:Thrivinglives.Costingless.Contributingmore.Thefirstreportofthe EarlyActionTaskForce 121 Thelargestcostsrelatingtochildrenwhoaretakenintocare,theconsequencesofdomesticviolence,andwelfare benefitsfor18to24-year-oldswhoarenotineducation,employmentortraining(NEET).From:EarlyIntervention Foundation(2015)SpendingonLateIntervention:Howwecandobetterforless,p.4 122 Relate(2014)ConfidentParenting:Exploringthedistributionofconfidenceinparentingskillsamongparentsof teenagersinEngland,p.1 123 JRF(2015)Thecostofthecuts:theimpactonlocalgovernmentandpoorercommunities 124 Lupton,R.etal(2015)TheCoalition’sSocialPolicyRecord2010-2015:Socialpolicyinacoldclimate;Summary ResearchReport4 Themesix £17bn Nearly£17billionperyearis spentbythestateonshort-run lateinterventioninEngland andWales
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 41 Forfamiliesinmorechallengingcircumstanceswhoneedadditionalhelp,awhole- familyapproachcanbecritical.Successfulinterventionsconsiderthefamilyasaunit, focusonpositiveinterdependencyandsupportiverelationships,andtakethefamily’s resilienceandsocialcapitalasthefoundationsforachievingpositiveoutcomes.125 The lengthoftimeoverwhichfamilyinterventiontakesplaceisalsoimportant,withmore successfuloutcomesassociatedwithlongerdurationofinterventionandthosenot followedupwithaftertheinterventiontendingtoachievelesssuccessfuloutcomes.126 Factorscriticaltoeffectivefamilyinterventionincludehavingaworkerdedicatedtoa wholefamily,consideringthefamilyasawholeandacommonpurposebetweenall agenciesinvolved.127 Toensurebestoutcomesservicesandprofessionalsmustmeettheneedsandbe inclusiveofallfamilies,yetevidencesuggeststhisisnotalwaysthecase.Studies showthevaryingexperienceofhealthcareintheUKbylesbianparents,128 for example,andevidencefromScotlandsuggeststhatoneinsix(16%)lesbian,gay, bisexualandtransgender(LGBT)peoplehadexperiencedpoortreatmentbecauseof theirsexualorientationorgenderidentitywhenaccessingapublicservice.129 Kinship carers,suchasgrandparents,canstruggletogethelp,with68%ofcarerssayingthey didnotreceivethesupporttheneededfromsocialserviceswhenraisingchildren duetoparentalsubstanceuse.130 Thefearofbeingjudged,overlookedorbelittled byhealthprofessionalscanputyoungmothersandyoungfathersoffaccessing maternitycare.131 A reality check 1. Theannualcostoffamilybreakdownhasbeenestimatedtobebetween£46 and£49billion132 2. Afifthofparentslosesleepworryingabouttheirrelationshipwiththeirpartner133 3. Thecostofapart-time(25hours)nurseryplaceforachildundertwoisnow £6,003peryear,a5.1%increasesince2014134 4. Itcoststhreetimesmoretoraiseadisabledchild;83%offamilieswithdisabled childrensaytheyaregoingwithouteverydayessentialsduetoextracosts relatingtotheirchild’sdisabilityorhealthcondition135 5. Perinatalmentalhealthproblemscostmorethan£8billionayeartotheUK economy,nearlythreequartersofwhichrelatestoadverseimpactsonthe childratherthanthemother136 125 NationalQualityImprovementNetwork(2010)Principlesforengagingwithfamilies:Aframeworkforlocalauthorities andnationalorganisationstoevaluateandimproveengagementwithfamilies,NCB 126 DepartmentforEducation(2011)Monitoringandevaluationoffamilyinterventionservicesandprojectsbetween February2007andMarch2011:ResearchReportDFE-RR174,p.5-8 127 DCLG(2012)WorkingwithTroubledFamilies:Aguidetotheevidenceandgoodpractice,p.15 128 Dibley,L(2009)‘ExperiencesoflesbianparentsintheUK:interactionswithmidwives’,inEvidenceBasedMidwifery: September2009 129 Timeperiodwithinthelastthreeyears.From:StonewallScotland(2014)YourServicesYourSay:LGBTpeople’s experiencesofpublicservicesinScotland,p.4 130 Adfam(2011)Workingwithgrandparentsraisingtheirgrandchildrenduetoparentalsubstanceuse:Learningfrom Adfam’sGrandparentCarersProject,p.4 131 DepartmentofHealth,PublicHealthEnglandRoyalCollegeofMidwives(2008)Gettingmaternityservicesrightfor pregnantteenagersandyoungfathers,p.5 132 CentreforSocialJustice(2013)FracturedFamilies:Whystabilitymatters,p.13 133 4Children(2016)Nationallyrepresentativepollingof1,922parentsofchildren18andunderconductedbyYouGovPlc 134 FamilyandChildcareTrust(2015)ChildcareCostsSurvey2015,p.3 135 ContactaFamily(2014)CountingtheCosts2014,p.49 136 CentreforMentalHealthandLondonSchoolofEconomics(2014)Thecostsofperinatalmentalhealthproblems,p.3 Themesix Helping families help themselves
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 42 What families tell us You’ve not got a family without each other AcrossBritain,familiestellusthattheyareeachother’smainsourcesofsupport.Both closeandextendedfamilymemberslove,supportandencourageeachother,and turntooneanotherwhentimesarehard.Beyondthemarewidernetworksofpeople –friends,colleagues,andneighbours–whoallplaytheirpartincreatingthesocial glueandbuildingthesafetynetsthatkeepthemsafeandsecure.Thevastmajorityof familiessaytheyprefertoturntooneanotherwhentheyneedashouldertoleanon, orintimeofcrisis,beforetheylookoutsidetheirexistingsupportnetworksforhelp. Despitehowfundamentalfamilymembersaretokeepingfamilybondsstrongand united,manyfacechallengesinsustainingthese.Thestressofdailylife,maintaining financialsecurity,makingundistractedqualitytimeforoneanotherandbalancingthe needsofeveryoneinthehousehold,includingthosewithadditionalneeds,canput familiesunderimmensepressure. Communityhaschangedandfamilieshavechanged.Womentendtobehaving childrenlater,numbersofstep-familiesandmulti-generationalfamiliesliving underoneroofhaveincreased,andmoreyoungadultseitherstayorreturnto liveathomewiththeirparents.Familiesnolongeralwayslivinggeographically closetooneanotherandtherehavebeencaringresponsibilitiesforthoseofthe ‘sandwichgeneration’whoarecaringforolderfamilymembersaswellaschildrenor grandchildren.Familiescanfeeltheyarebeingforcedapartduetotheincreasingcost ofhousingandtheavailabilityofsuitablelocalemployment,andtheycanstruggleto maintaintheirsupportnetworks.Parentswithyoungchildreninparticularstresshow importantitcanbetohavefamilynearbytohelpwithchildcare,andhowchallengingit iswhentheyareontheirownorcutofffromothers. Support is vital – for everyone Familiesdescribehowinterconnectedtheirhappinessandwellbeingcanbe.Parents highlighthowimportanttheirownwellbeingandmentalhealthistotheirchildren’s wellbeing,withmothersinparticularhighlightingtheconnectionbetweenthetwo.In turn,parent’shappinesscanbedependentontheirchildren’shappiness,development andprogress.Childrensaythatwhentheyarewellsupportedbytheirparents’they feelsafe,loved,andconfidentandareabletodowellatschool. Familiescansufferwithoutthesupporttheyneed,andsaythatwhenthishappens difficultsituationscanbecomemuchworse,leadingtorelationshipbreakdown, mentalhealthproblems,childrenfailingatschoolandsocialisolationthatcanmake parentingmuchmorechallenging.Familiescanfindithardtoknowwhotoaskforhelp orwhattoaskforhelpfor. Parentsareconcernedaboutlimitedresources,servicesandinfrastructurestruggling tomeeteveryfamily’sneedsintheircommunities.Theyseevitalfamilysupport sufferingorbeingcutawayandperceivealackofappropriatefuturevisionfrom Governmenttoaddresstheseproblems.Theyareworriedaboutareductioninstate supportforthoseinneedandworrywhatthismightmeanfortheirownfamily.Many feelthereisnosupportsystemavailabletothem,eithernoworintheeventofacrisis, andwhatisavailableisnotconvenientforthemtoaccess–duetoopeninghoursand deliverystylesthatdonotfitaroundworkinglife. We’re suffering. We have to live far from family and everyone is moving away from their family, miles away, where they haven’t got any family support. Nadine*, parent, East London Themesix Helping families help themselves
Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 43 Whenfamiliesneedhelp,itcanbeforbothpracticalandemotionalreasons,witheach beingofequalimportancetoensuresuccessfulfamilyfunctioning.Additionally,there areanumberofareaswherefamiliessaytheywouldwelcomefurthersupport. Logistics of childcare are difficult and stressful Parentsareparticularlyconcernedaboutthepracticallimitationsofalackof affordableoraccessiblechildcarethatmatchesthepatternoftheirworkweek.The availabilityofchildcarearoundlongworkdaysorirregularshiftpatternsmakesfinding asolutionthatfitstheirneedssometimesimpossible,andfindingplacesforanumber ofchildrenofdifferentages,orforchildrenwithdisabilities,posesadditionalproblems. Forsome,thecostofchildcaremeansthatitmakeslittlefinancialsensetowork, leavingparentstomakethedifficultdecisionaboutwhetherornottoreturntoorfind workafterhavingchildren.Whilstparentswelcomeexistingandfuturefreechildcare places,theytellusthegapbetweentheendofmaternityorsharedparentalleave andtheirchild’sfreeentitlementatagetwoorthree,aswellasthechallengeofschool holidaycareandout-of-hoursprovision,remainsasubstantialproblem. You’ve got to fight, fight, fight all the time Parentsofchildrenwithdisabilitiesfaceparticularchallengesandcanstruggleboth emotionallyandfinancially.Theytellusabouttheconstantbattlestheyfacetogetthe supporttheyneedfortheirchildren,beingthemainpointofcontactbetweenallthe differentservicesinvolvedintheirchild’slife,thedropoffinsupportwhentheirchildren getolder,andhowisolatedandsociallymarginalisedtheycanfeelasparentsof childrenwithdisabilities.Siblingsinthesefamilieswerealsooftenimpacted,havinga knockoneffectonthewholefamily’swellbeinginmorechallengingtimes. Singleparentstellusaboutthechallengestheyfaceraisingchildrenontheirown, beingconstantlystressedabouthowtodealwiththefinancialstrainofmanaginga familybudgetononeincomewhilestrivingtobeagoodrolemodelfortheirchildren. Theysaytheyfacestigmaandsocialmarginalisation,particularlysingleparent fatherswhocanfeelisolatedinsingleparentsupportnetworksastheonlydadand viewedsuspiciouslybysociety.Singleparentsareparticularlytime-poorandface additionallimitationstoaccesssupportservicesaroundthem. Becomingamotherforthefirsttimecanleavemanywomenalsofeelingisolatedand strugglingtocope,andanumbertoldusabouthelptheyhadreceivedduringthistime beinglikea“lifeline”.Manyparentshighlighttheroleoftheirchildren’scentreingiving themaplacetogowhere“youdon’tfeellikeyouhavetobesupermum”.Theytoldus thatthisreducedtheirfeelingsofstressandoverwhelmingresponsibility,whichinturn canimprovetheirrelationshipwithboththeirpartnerandchild. Womenwhohadleftabusiverelationshipswiththeirchildrentoldushowmuchthey valuedthecareandsupporttheyreceivedfromtheirchildren’scentreandthestaff there,sayingthisplayedalargeroleinincreasingtheirconfidenceandwideningtheir supportnetworks. Connectionwithandsupportfromotheradults,whetherpeersortrusted professionals,canbevitalforparentswhoarestrugglinginwhatcanbeotherwise isolatingexperiences.Parentstellustheyvaluepeoplecheckinginonthem,seeing howtheyaredoingandgivingthemasoundingboardtocheckwhethertheyare Themesix Helping families help themselves There’s no safety nets for our children, except parents, and there’s no safety net for us either. Safia*, parent, South East Nobody ever asks about how you are. It’s all about the baby. No one ever asks about you or how you’re coping. It’s like you don’t exist, you’re a carer. Kayleigh*, parent, Hampshire It takes a village to raise a child – we come to the Children’s Centre because we don’t have the village” Megan*, parent, Wiltshire
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Britains-Families_Thriving-or-Surviving

  • 1. Inquiry into family life in Britain today Britain’s Families Thriving or Surviving?
  • 2. Foreword The inquiry Executive Summary Theme one: Stress and family time Theme two: Opening doors Theme three: Family in the digital age Theme four: The gender split Theme five: Engagement and politics Theme six: Helping families help themselves Conclusion Contents 2 3 5 10 16 22 26 33 39 46 Acknowledgements Withthankstoallthefamilieswhogavetheirtimetotalktousaspartoftheprojectand totheorganisationswhohelpeduscontactthem.Withparticularthankstothosewho helpeduscarryouttheinquiryanddevelopthereport:RobStebbings,ShahnazYasmin, KatieRose,AlexDavison,SulemanAmad,DeborahGrossmanandMaryCrowder.
  • 3. Theme1 Theme Title Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 2 Acharity’spolicydevelopmentandcampaignsshouldbe shapedbythepeopleitrepresents.At4Childrenourgoalisto improvethelivesoffamiliesupanddownthecountry,sotheir voicesmustinformourworkateverylevel.Ourprioritiesshould echotheirs.Andthechallengeswetackleneedtoreflectthe hurdlesmanyofthemaretryingtoovercome. Duringthesixmonthswe’vebeenworkingonthisinquiry,we haveheardfromthousandsofparents,carers,childrenand youngpeopleabouttheirdailylives,thestrugglesthey’re facingandtheirexpectationsfortheirfamily’sfutures.This reportsummarisesthekeyfindingsfromwhattheytoldus andreflectsachangingworld,whereparentsareraising childrenandyoungpeoplearegrowingupinverydifferent circumstancestogenerationsbeforethem. Withthethoughtsandopinionsofthefamilieswehave spokentoatitscore,thisreportwillset4Children’spolicy prioritiesandinformourservicedevelopmentoverthenext 18monthsandbeyond. ImeldaRedmond ChiefExecutive Foreword Without family you wouldn’t know love… you learn to care with a family. Rachel*, 15, South London I keep hearing the economy is getting better but I’m not noticing this in my home, it’s just getting worse. James, 17, Kent
  • 4. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 3 4Children’sinquiryintoBritishfamilylifewascarriedoutbetweenJune2015and January2016andheardfromjustover5000familymembers.Duringtheinquiry periodwespokedirectlyto320people,ofwhich120wereparentsorcarersand 198werechildrenandyoungpeople,through37focusgroupsheldincommunity venuesacrossEngland,ScotlandandWales.Twenty-fivefamilymemberswere involvedinadditionalworktorefinethereport’srecommendations.Weheardfrom afurther5105peoplethroughpollingandsurveys. Thefamilieswespoketowereofavarietyofbackgroundsandexperiencesbut allhadthesharedexperienceofraisingchildren.Theycoveredsingleparent households,step-families,parentswithfullcaringresponsibility,parentswith reducedchildcontactandsomegrandparentsinvolvedinchildcare. Allfamiliesengagedwithusandgaveuptheirtimetotalktoourresearchteam voluntarily.Anumberofotherorganisationswereinvolvedwithhelpingusto reachandrecruitparticipants. Thisreportisdividedintosixchapterscoveringthemainfindingsfromthemes wespoketofamiliesabout.Thesethemeswerebasedonexistingresearchof thecurrentclimateandcontextinwhichparentsareraisingchildrenandyoung peoplearegrowingup. Allsubtitlesthroughoutthereportaredirectquotesfromthosewespoketo. Allnamesmarkedwithanasteriskhavebeenchanged.Throughoutthereport wereferto‘parents’,bywhichwemeantheparentsandcarersthatwespoke to,and‘families’,butwhichwemeanbothparentsandyoungpeopleorviews whichrepresentthemajoritywespoketo.‘Youngpeople’and‘children’areused interchangeably,however‘children’referstounder18sonly. Tosupportthework,4Childrencommissionedtwosetsofpolling:thefirstinJune 2015withOpinium;andthesecondinJanuary2016withYouGovPlc. Families today: a snapshot Ourpopulationisgrowingandsettoreach70millionbymid-2027.1 Thereare 18.7millionfamiliesintheUK(ofwhom7.9millionhavedependentchildren), ascomparedto17.4millionadecadeago(7.5millionofwhomhaddependent children).2 Since1973theaverageageofmothershasincreased,andin2013overhalf(51%) ofalllivebirthsweretomothersaged30andover.3 1 ONS(2014)Nationalpopulationprojections,2014-basedStatisticalBulletin,released:29October2015,p.1 2 ONS(2015)FamiliesandHouseholds2015,released:05November2015,p.5(Table1) 3 ONS(2014)LiveBirthsinEnglandandWalesbyCharacteristicsofMother2014,released:16October2014,p.1 The inquiry
  • 5. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 4 The inquiry Overthepastfewdecadestheproportionofchildrenlivingwithbothbiological parentshasdeclinedwithcorrespondingrisesinotherfamilystructuressuchas thoseheadedbyaloneparentorstepfamilies.4 TherearenearlytwomillionloneparentswithdependentchildrenintheUK, representing25%ofallfamilieswithdependentchildren.Ofthis,womenaccount foraround90%,aratewhichhaschangedlittleintwodecades.5 Itisestimatedthatin2013therewerearound20,000dependentchildrenlivingin samesexcouplefamilies.6 Householdscontainingtwoormorefamilies,bothrelatedandunrelated,have beenthefastestgrowinghouseholdtypeinthelastdecade.Thismaybeshowing thattherehasbeenanincreaseinoldercouplesmovinginwithadultchildren andtheirfamily,orloneparentswithchildrenoryoungadultswiththeirpartners returningtotheirfamilyhome.7 Therehasbeenalargeincreaseinthenumbersofyoungadultslivingwiththeir parentsasaresultofeitherdelayingleavingorreturningtohome,inpartdueto increasedhousepricesinrelationtoearnings.In201326%of20to34-year-olds livedwiththeirparents.8 Ourpopulationisaging,withthemedianagenow40yearsold–thehighestever estimated–andthenumberandproportionofolderpeoplecontinuingtorise.9 Alongsidethis,the‘sandwichgeneration’–adultswhoaretakingcareofboththeir childrenorgrandchildrenaswellasagingparents–hasincreasedoverthelast tenyears.Threequartersofgrandparentscarefortheirgrandchildren,andmore thanoneinfour(28%)ofthosewithgrandchildrenunder16alsohaveaparentwho isstillalive.10 What makes a happy family?11 4 UCLInstituteofChildHealth‘ParentalEmploymentandChildHealth’.Websiteaccessedon5January2016 5 ONS(2015)FamiliesandHouseholds,2015,Released:05November2015,p.8 6 HouseofCommonsLibrary(2014)“Commonlawmarriage”andcohabitation,lastupdated17December2014 7 ONS(2015)Statisticalbulletin:FamiliesandHouseholds,2015,released5November2015 8 ONS(2015)Largeincreasein20to34-year-oldslivingwithparentssince1996,released:21January2014 9 ONS(2015)AnnualMid-yearPopulationEstimates,2014,released:25June2015,p.1 10 IPPR(2013)Womenover50hitby‘triplewhammy’ofwork,childcare&socialcare,published:25Aug2013 11 Wordleconstructedusingthemostcommonlyoccurringresponsesraisedduringinquiryfocusgroupsandonline surveystothequestion“Inyouropinion,whatmakesahappyfamily?” fairnessrespect tolerance acceptance communication honesty support understanding listening love care timetrust kindness fun enjoyment money stability securitylaughter housing health
  • 6. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 5 Executive summary WhatisdailylifereallylikeforBritain’sfamilies?Wewanted toknowtheopportunitiesandchallengestheyfaceand whether,acrossBritain,familiesarefeelingthebenefitsof economicrecovery. InJune2015,webegantodigdeeperintothehopes,fearsand aspirationsofourcountry’sfamilies.Oversixmonthswespoke indepthtohundredsofparents,carers,childrenandyoung people,andheardfromthousandsofothersabouttheirdaily lives,thechallengestheyfaceandtheirexpectationsoftheir ownfutures.Thisreportoutlineswhattheytoldus… Theme one: Stress and family time Unemploymentisfallingandthenumberofpeopleinworkrecentlyreachedarecord high,yetforfamilies,movingintoworkisnoguaranteeofescapingpoverty.The numberofpeopleworking“excessive”hourshasrisenandmanyarestrugglingto balanceworkandfamilylife. We all miss each other. We work longer hours for less money. Maryam* ,parent,WestMidlands Whileemphasisingthatmoneydoesnotguaranteehappiness,familiestellusthatlife quicklybecomesunmanageablewithoutit.Despitedoingtheirbesttoprovide,many parentsfeelconstantlyontheedgeofadownwardspiral–onemissedbillawayfrom crisis.Childrenareacutelyawareofthispressureandthesacrificestheirparentscan makeforthem.Parentsdescribethecatch-22betweenworkinglongertoprovide morefortheirfamiliesandknowingtheyneedmorequalityfamilytimetogether.There isnodoubtthatthemajorityofparentswanttowork,butforittobebetterpaidandto betterfitaroundtheirfamilylives. Recommendations: •• Betterfamilyfriendlyworkingconditions,includingforfathers •• Moretrainingopportunitiestohelpupskillparents •• Incomeswhichadequatelymatchthecostofraisingafamily 1 in 4 working parents say they are missing out on family activities every weekend, because of work commitments 1in 4
  • 7. 6 in 10 families say technology gets in the way of family time Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 6 Theme two: Opening doors Aquarterofparentsthinktheirchildren’sliveswillbeworsethantheirown,with expertswarningthatthisgenerationcouldbethefirstinrecenthistorytoseesocial mobilitygointoreverse.Childrenfrombetteroffbackgroundscontinuetodo significantlybetterthanthosefrompoorerbackgrounds.Whileyoungpeopleare underconsiderablepressuretoachieveineducation,employersemphasisethat experienceoutsidetheclassroomsuchasextra-curricularactivitiesmakesyoungjob applicantsstandoutfromthecrowd. Parentsfeelitisincreasinglydifficulttomoveawayfromwhereyouwerebornandthat wearebecominganationof“havesandhavenots”.Theyworryabouttheaffordability ofhighereducation,accesstogoodjobsandtheirchildrenbeingabletorentorbuy ahome.Familiesbelievethereisawiderrangeofopportunitiesandextra-curricular activitiesavailablebutworrythatthecostsinvolvedcanleavethemoutofreachfor theirchildren.Youngpeopledescribethepressureonthemtoachievewhichcan affecttheirmentalhealthandmanyfeelthatschoolleavesthemill-preparedforthe realityofadultlife. I never got taught how to manage a mortgage or tax, but I know about leaves. Talk to me about a leaf, I’ll tell you what’s inside it, how it grows… Callum,18,Buckinghamshire Recommendations: •• Morefreefamilyandextra-curricularactivitiesforallages •• Lifeskillseducationtohelpyoungpeopleprepareforadulthood •• Careersguidancewhichbringsyoungpeople,theirparentsandemployers togethertobetterplanfortheirfutures •• Mentalhealthsupportforyoungpeopleatkeymoments,suchasexamtimes Theme three: Family in the digital age Mostchildrenarenowintroducedtotechnologybeforetheageoftwowithaccess almostuniversalbytheageoffour.Despiteallthebenefitstechnologycanbring, almosthalfofparentsthinktheirchildrenspendtoomuchtimeinfrontofscreens, whileasimilarnumberadmittocheckingtheirownphonesatthedinnertable. It’s a big adjustment having your children’s friend being in your house in cyber world – on Xbox, text, Snapchat, Instagram. It impacts family life. Stew, parent, Buckinghamshire Executive summary Just half of parents expect their child to have a job paying a decent salary by the time they’re 30 ½ 6in10
  • 8. Executive summary Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 7 Familiessaytheinternetcandirectthemtorelevantservices,helpthemtostayin touchwiththeirwiderfamilynetwork,andofferthemsupportfromothersinsimilar situations.Buttheyareworriedabouttheimpactithasonqualityfamilytime–some saytheyhardlyeverspendtimetogetherwithouteveryoneondevicesinthesame room.Bothparentsandyoungpeoplespeakaboutthedistortedversionofreality thatsocialmediapresentsandwhiletheytrytoresistit,theycannothelpbutcompare themselveswithothersonline–oftendamagingtheirself-esteem.Familiesdescribe neverbeingableto“switchoff”fromtheinternet,feelingconstantpressuretopresent animageoftheirsuccessandhappinessonsocialmedia.Childrenfeelunableto“let theirguarddown”athome,astheycouldhavedoneinthepast. Recommendations: •• Helpforparentstodevelop‘digitalparentingskills’ •• Familiestohaveanhouradayfreefromdevicestospendqualitytimewitheach otheroffline Theme four: The gender split Despitewomen’sincreasedroleinthepaidworkforce,menhaveyettotake onanequivalentincreasedroleathome.Womenstilltendtohavemorecaring responsibilitiesforbothchildrenandolderrelatives,andfaceasubstantial “motherhoodpenalty”intheirpayandcareers.Withmenmorelikelytoworkfulltime, fatherscanstruggletobeashands-onintheirparenting.Whilethemajorityofmen saytheywouldliketoshareparentalleavewiththeirpartner,mostarereluctanttoask theirbossesandestimatessuggesttake-upofsharedparentalleaveisbetweenonly 2and8%. I used to get daggers at the park – a man in a woman’s environment…Everything is focused on the mothers, dads are left in the background. From the midwives, health visitors, dads get left in the dark. Everything concentrates on the mother. Pete,parent,SouthWales Familiessaytheculturalperceptionofashifttowardsequalparentingdoesnot matchthereality.Childrenarealsofrustratedattheunequaldivisionofhousework, parentingorcaringathomeamongstparentsandsiblings,withgirlssuggestingtheir brothers“haveiteasier”.Duetotheoftenunevensplitinresponsibilities,womenfeel particularlyunderpressureto“solveitall”–bearingthebruntoffamilyhardship,going withoutsotheirchildrencanhavewhattheyneedandfeelingresponsibleforkeeping thefamilytogether.Yetfatherstellustheyareunclearoftheirplaceinfamilylifeand feelpushedoutandexcludedbyfamilyservices.Whentheyworklonghours,fathers sayyoungerchildrencanfeeldistantandunsureofthem,havingtoalmostrestarttheir relationshipeverytimetheyreturnhome. Almost 4 in 10 Dads miss dinner time at least once a week because of work 4in 10
  • 9. Executive summary Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 8 Recommendations: •• Allfamilyservicesshouldbewelcomingtofathers •• Morecommunitynetworksprovidingpeersupportforparentsofyoungchildren •• Employerstomatchpaternitypayandsharedparentalpaytocurrentenhanced maternitypaypolicies •• Awiderpubliccampaigntoemphasisetheimportantroleoffathersinmodern familylife Theme five: Engagement and politics Aquarterofpeoplebelievetheyhaveinfluencelocally,butonly14%feeltheyhave anynationalinfluence.Foryoungpeople,theirpoliticalengagementandconfidence intheirknowledgecanvarysignificantlybysocialclass.Althoughmanyhavebecome disenchantedwithmainstreampolitics,theyparticipateinprotestmovementsand onlineactivismandseepoliticaleducationasanecessityfortheirfurtherparticipation. FamiliestoldusthatwhentheyhadexperienceofengagingwithlocalMPsor councillors,theyspokeveryhighlyofthemhowever,manyfeeldisengagedand remotefrompoliticsmoregenerally,leadingthemtofeelpowerlessanddistrustful. Thelanguageusedputsthemoffandtheywantmorestraight-talkingtobuildtheir trust.Parentsdon’tfeelpoliticiansfacethedaytodaynormalityoffamilylife:packing lunchboxes,doingtheschoolrun,usingpublictransportandlivingin“average” housing.Youngpeoplewanttheirgenerationtobeeducatedaboutpolitics.Some reflecthowhighprofilethe2015GeneralElectionandScottishreferendumwerein theirschoolsandonsocialmedia–andhowthishelpedthembecomeinformedand empowered–butthatfewattemptshavebeenmadesincetoengagethemfurther. If you’re 18 and you have an opinion no one would acknowledge it. If you’re a 30-year-old accountant people will take it into account. Callum, 18, Buckinghamshire Recommendations: •• Schoolstoprovideyoungpeoplewithmoreopportunitiestolearnabout politicalpartiesandprocessandtoengagewithpoliticaldebatesandideas •• Localandnationaldecisionmakerstoprovidegreaterawarenessofhow familiescanengagelocallywithissuestheyfeelstronglyabout 75% of young people want to see more political education in schools 75%
  • 10. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 9 Executive summary Theme six: Helping families help themselves Buildingstrongsocialandemotionalfoundationsinthefirstthreeyearsofachild’s life,particularlythroughpositiveparenting,canhavethebiggestpositiveimpacton achild’sfuture.Theannualcostoffamilybreakdownhasbeenestimatedatbetween £46and£49billion,yetmanyofthesupportsystemsfamiliesrelyonareexperiencing significantcutbacks. It takes a village to raise a child, we come to the Children’s Centre because we don’t have the village. Megan*,parent,Wiltshire AcrossBritain,familiestellustheyareeachother’smainsourcesofsupportand theyprefertoturntooneanotherintimesofcrisisbeforetheylookelsewherefor help.Manyfacechallengesinsustainingtheirbondsbecauseofthestressofdaily lifeandsomeareforcedapartduetothecostofhousing,oravailabilityoflocaljobs. Whileparentsseechildcareprovisionhavingimprovedoverrecentyears,forsome itmakeslittlefinancialsenseforthemtoreturntowork–andthegapbetweenthe endofmaternityleaveandtheirchildturningthreeisasignificanthurdle.Mothersin particulartellushowvitallocalservicesandsupportnetworks–whichreassurethem thatthey“don’thavetobesupermum”–arefortheirmentalhealth.Astheirchildren getolderparentssaytheycanstruggletoknowhowbesttoraisethemandcanfeel poorlyprepared.Ingeneral,parentswanttobeabletoimprovetheirownlives,but whenthingsgowrongandtheycan’tdoitthemselvestheyneedquality,welcoming supportthatfitsaroundtheirbusylives. Recommendations: •• LocalAuthoritiestoapplygovernment’sFamilyTesttopolicymakingand budgetdecisions,toassessimpactonfamilies •• Closethegapinchildcaresupportbetweentheendofmaternityleaveandthe startoffreeuniversalentitlement(whenchildrenreachage3) •• Servicesshouldprovideadviceandsupporttoparentsofteenagechildren •• Servicesshouldmeettheneedsofmodernfamilylife,openingatweekendsand combiningparentandchildsupportinoneplace Over half of parents think there is more support for parents of young children compared to parents of teenagers over ½
  • 11. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 10 ThemeoneThemeone Stress and family time 1
  • 12. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 11 Themeone Stress and family time Background Inpollingcarriedoutatthestartoftheinquirythemost commonchallengesfamiliessaidtheywerefacingwere financialstruggles(46%),notenoughtimewiththeirfamily (27%)andemploymentworries(20%).12 Unemployment peakedattheendof2011andhasbeenfallingsince,13 withthenumberofpeopleinworkreachingarecordhigh betweenJulyandSeptember2015.14 In2014,nearlynineinten (87.7%)familieswereclassifiedasbeinginwork,thehighest percentagesincerecordsbegannearlytwentyyearsago.15 Yetmovingintoemploymentisnoguaranteeofescaping poverty,asnearlytwo-thirdsofchildreninpovertylivein workingfamilies.16 Acrosstheincomedistributionpayhas fallenformorethanfiveyearsinarow;wagesarewellbelow pre-economiccrisislevelsandwillsoonadduptoa“lost decade”ofpaygrowth.17 Familyincomesarestrugglingtomeetthecostofliving;61%ofpeoplewithchildren saythatmoneyworriesareoneofthetopstrainsontheirrelationships,compared to47%withoutchildren.18 Familieswithchildrenarenowatgreaterriskthanany otherhouseholdgroupofhavinganinadequateincome,withmorethanoneinthree havinglessthantheyrequireforasociallyacceptablestandardofliving.19 Forthe typicalfamilyintheUK,livingstandardsin2013-14were6%lowerthanbeforethe financialcrisisof2008,20 and24%offamilieshavecutdownonvitalspending,suchas groceries,inordertocopewithhigherlivingcosts.21 Theproportionoflow-incomefamilieswithnosavingstofallbackonhasincreased substantially.22 Unsecureddebtisincreasingandprojectedtoriseyetfurther;debtcan damagerelationshipsandcontributetofamilybreakdown,withmorethanhalf(56%) ofpeoplesayingpersonaldebthashadanegativeimpactontheirfamilylife,partly byraisinglevelsofstressandanxiety.23 Beinglowpaidisassociatedwithanincreased probabilityofexperiencingworklessness.24 12 Opinium(2015)FamilyHappinesspollingfor4Children,released8June2015 13 BBC,EconomyTracker:Unemployment(18March2015) 14 OfficeforNationalStatistics(2015)UKLabourMarket,November2015,p.7 15 OfficeforNationalStatistics(2014)FamiliesintheLabourMarket,2014,p.1 16 IFS(2015)‘Nearlytwo-thirdsofchildreninpovertyliveinworkingfamilies’,pressrelease16July2015 17 ResolutionFoundation(2015)LowPayBritain2015,p.4 18 Relate(2015)TheWayWeAreNow:ThestateoftheUK’srelationships2015,ExecutiveSummary 19 JosephRowntreeFoundation(2015)Householdsbelowaminimumincomestandard:2008/09to2012/13,p.12-13 (Figure2) 20 InstituteforStudies(2014)TheIFSGreenBudget:February2014,p.126 21 TheCentrefortheModernFamily(2014)FamilyGenerationsandFinancialPressures,p.8 22 JRF(2015)MonitoringPovertyandSocialExclusion2015:Money,SavingsDebt 23 Citizen’sAdvice(2015)Unsecuredandinsecure?ExploringtheUK’smountainofunsecuredpersonaldebt—andhow itaffectspeople’slives 24 JRF(2015)PovertyintheUK:Thelow-pay,no-paycycle 61% ofpeoplewithchildrensaythat moneyworriesareoneofthe topstrainsontheirrelationships, comparedto47%withoutchildren
  • 13. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 12 Themeone Stress and family time Abusypaceoflifeleavesmanyparentsfeelingtheydonothaveenoughtimewith theirchildren.Thenumberofpeopleworkingmorethan48hoursperweekhasrisen by15%since2010,followingmorethanadecadeofdeclineinlonghoursworking, manypeopleareworkingunpaidovertimeandatleastamillionsaytheywantto cuttheirexcessivehours.25 Twenty-twopercentofworkerssaytheyworklonger hoursthantheywantandthisisdamagingtheirhealth.26 Menaremuchmorelikely thanwomentoworkfull-time,andareconsiderablymorelikelytoworkverylong hours(19%ofmencomparedto6%ofwomen).27 Flexibleworkingisapositivefactor inachievingabetterwork-lifebalanceandreducingandmanagingstresslevels.28 Employerscanhelpstaffachievegoodwork-familybalancebygivingthemregular opportunitiestodiscusstheirworkinghoursandarrangements–particularlyattimes ofchangeintheirhomelives,suchasthebirthofachild.29 A reality check 1. TheaveragecostofraisingachildintheUKisnownearly£230,000,an increaseof63%since2003,withchildcareandeducationcostsaccountingfor almosttwothirdsofthis30 2. Between2008and2013,theproportionoffamilyincomerequiredtomaintain anacceptablestandardoflivingrosesharply31 3. 39%ofpeopledon’tfeelincontroloftheirfinancialsituationandmorethana quarter(28%)citetheirfinancialsituationasnegativelyimpactingtheirfamily’s qualityoflife32 4. Flexibleworkingcouldadd£11.5billionannuallytotheUKeconomyand savecommuters£7.1bn,withareductionincommutingcostsandtimespent travelling33 5. Theaveragefamilyspendsjust34minutesadaytogether“undistracted”,in partduetolongworkinghoursandlengthycommutes34 What families tell us It always boils down to money at the end of the day, like everything Familiesareclearintellingusthatmoneyisvitaltotheirwellbeing,mostaspiringnot togreatwealthbuttoacomfortablelevelofsecurity.Whilststressingthatmoneydoes notguaranteehappiness,andhappinessisnotallabouthavingmoney,theysaythat withoutfinancialsecurityfamilylifequicklybecomesstressfulandunmanageable. 25 TUC(2015)15percentincreaseinpeopleworkingmorethan48hoursaweekrisksareturnto‘BurnoutBritain’,press release9September2015 26 Relate(2015)TheWayWeAreNow:ThestateoftheUK’srelationships2015,ExecutiveSummary 27 OECD(2015)BetterLifeIndex,websiteaccessed9January2016 28 WorkingFamiliesCranfieldUniversity(2014)FlexibleWorkingandPerformance:Summaryofresearch 29 nef(2014)Well-beingatwork:Areviewoftheliterature,p.21 30 LiverpoolVictoria(2015)CostofaChild:FromCradletoCollege–2015Report,p.3 31 https://www.jrf.org.uk/report/minimum-income-standard-uk-2015 32 TheCentrefortheModernFamily(2014)FamilyGenerationsandFinancialPressures,p.8 33 CentreforEconomicandBusinessResearch,Greaterflexibleworkingcouldadd£11.5billionannuallytotheUK economy(8December2014) 34 HighlandSpringGroup,34minutes:Theamountoftimetheaveragefamilygetstospendtogethereachday (14April2015)
  • 14. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 13 Acrossthecountryfamiliesareconcernedaboutthecostoflivingandraisingafamily, withthecostofhousing,bills,childcare,foodandtransportatthetopofthelist. Manyfamiliesarestrugglingtomakeendsmeet,sayingtheirmonthlyoutgoingsare increasingbuttheirwageshavestagnatedandtheyhavedifficultybudgetingeach month–causingsometoriskgettingintoproblemdebt.Singleparentsinparticular toldushowdifficultitcouldbetocopewithonlyoneincome.Havingtocutback onnon-essentialsandmakingsacrificeslimitsparent’schoicesandtheirchildren’s horizons,causingfamiliestomissoutonsharedactivities,hobbiesandholidays. Parentsincouplestoldusalackofmoneyandworkingouthowtobudgetwithwhat theyhaveareamongthemaincausesofargumentsandstressintheirhouseholds. It’s like playing snakes and ladders Despitedoingtheirbesttoprovide,manyparentsfeelconstantlyonthevergeofa potentialdownwardspiral–justonemissedbillorminormishapawayfromacrisis. Eventhosewhodescribetheirfamilylifeas“comfortable”saythispositioncould changeatamoment’snotice,withmanysayingtheyhavenosavingstofallbackon andnowayofsavingorplanningfortheirown,ortheirchildren’s,futures.Parentsin precariousoruncertainemployment,includingthosewhoareself-employedoron zero-hoursandshort-termcontracts,feelparticularlyinsecure. Whilstadultsdotheirbesttohidethesefromthem,childrenareacutelyawareofthe sacrificestheirparentsmakeforthemandthepressurestheyfacetryingtomakeends meet.Childrensaythethingmostlikelytomaketheirfamilyhappierismoremoney– tobemorecomfortableandsecure,insteadoffeelingliketheyarelivingontheedge. We all miss each other Parentstalkpassionatelyabouthowimportantitistohavequalitytimetogetherasa familybuthowdifficultthiscanbetoachieveandhowquicklytimeslipsthroughtheir fingers.Aswellasenjoyingoneanother’scompany,familytimebringsaddedbenefits includingbetterroutine,greaterstability,moreengagedparentandchildinteraction, andbettercouplerelations. Familiesdescribethepaceoflifeashecticandbusy,witheveryonefeelingrushed allthetimeandstrugglingtobalancetheneedsandschedulesofeveryoneinthe household,includingchildrenofdifferingages.Theyfindithardtofindtimeforeach otheraroundlongorunsociableworkinghours,bringingworkhomewiththem,not beingabletoswitchoff,orwherepartnersworkawayfordaysorweeksatatime. Thecombinedimpactofmanagingtheirfamilyfinancesandalackoftimeleaves parentsexhausted,stressedandstrugglingtomaketimeforthingsoutsideofthedaily routine.Familiestellusthatstressfromtheirbusylivescausesirritability,frustration, poorjudgement,limitedconcentrationandcanevenleadtoorcompoundlowerlevel mentalhealthproblemssuchasanxietyanddepression.Attimescommunicationis poorandrelationshipswithinthehouseholdarestrainedbecauseofthisstress,which atitsworstcanleadtofamilybreakdown. You can’t win Parentsdescribethecatch-22theyfacebetweenthenecessityofworkingtoprovide fortheirfamiliesandthedesireformore,betterqualityfamilytime.Parentsareoftenin situationswhereworkinglongorchallenginghoursareanecessitytoprovideforand Themeone Stress and family time My eldest was crying the other day when she spilled her glitter and I asked why she was so upset and she said, “because I know glitter costs money and we shouldn’t waste it.” She’s five, she shouldn’t know those things yet. Rebecca*, parent, Yorkshire Humber I never have any energy or mind space to play with my three-year-old. I can’t switch off, I’m always on edge and stressed Julie*, parent, Yorkshire Humber
  • 15. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 14 supportthemselves,despitethenegativeimpactthishasontheirfamilytime.Whether inloworwell-paidwork,parentsoftenfeeltheyare“missingout”onfamilylifeand watchingtheirchildrengrowup,andareregretfulofthetimetheyarelosingouton. Childrensaytheymisstheirparentsandtalkabouttherealitiesofonlygettingto spendsnatchesoftimetogetherinbetweenbusyschedules.Somesaytheyareleft alonemorebecausetheirparentsareworkingsomuch.Whenaskedwhattheywould changeabouttheirfamilylife,someyoungpeoplesaytheywanttospendmoretime togetherandseetheirparents“astheyreallyare”,notstressedandexhausted. It’s not that I don’t want to work… Despitethechallengesworkingposesthereisanappetitefromparentstowork,but forittobebetterpaidandtofitbetteraroundtheirfamilylives.Theytalkaboutthe positivebenefitsworkingbringstheirchildrenintermsofseeingtheirparentshappy, productive,andself-sufficient,andtheimpactwell-paidworkcanhaveontheir incomesandsavings. Despitewantingtoprovidegoodrolemodelstotheirchildrenby“bettering” themselvesandworking,parentsstruggletofindworkatalllevelsandsalaries, especiallyaftertakingtimeoutforhavingchildren.Singleparentsinparticular–who maynothaveanyoneelsetohelpwiththedailyroutineofchildcare,theschoolrunor appointments–sayhowdifficultitisforthemtofindworkthatfitsaroundtheirfamily. Thosewithlowerqualificationsinparticularsayitcanbedifficulttofindtrainingto developtheirskills,withlittleaccesstofundingorsupportasanadult. Parentssayhowrareitisforworkplacestooperatefamilyfriendlyhoursandhow difficultitcanbetogettimeoffworkwhentheirchildrenareunwellandtomanage childcareoverholidayperiods.Thoseonlowerpayinparticularfeelthatitmaynot evenbeworthworkingtoearnsolittle,particularlyafterthecostofchildcare,andmiss outonsomuch. A way forward Familiesareclearlystrugglingtofindbalanceintheirlives–strugglingtofind workthatbothmeetsthecostoflivingandallowsthemtohavethequalitytime theyneedwithoneanother.Managingthisconstantbalancingactbetweenwork andfamilytimeputsallfamilymembers,parentsinparticular,underpressureand stress,whichcanseriouslyimpactonthequalityoftheirrelationships. Notbeingabletospendthetimetheyneedtogetherrisksputtingfamilystability injeopardyaswellasdamagingthewellbeingoftheworkforce.Wemust finallydeliverontheambitiontomakeworkpay,soparentscanaffordtolive comfortablyontheirearnings,remainresilienttocrisisandbetrulyabletomove outofpovertythroughwork. Withtheincreasingmovetowardsfullemploymentandbothparentsinthe workplace,itisbothnecessaryandpracticaltodevelopmorefamily-friendly employmentpractices,sothatparentsarebetterabletobalancetheirpaid andunpaidresponsibilitiestotheirfamilyandtheeconomy.Thisisalsointhe bestinterestofchildren,whowouldbenefitfromgreatertimewiththeirparents aswellasreducingtherisksofrelationshipbreakdownduetounmanageable challenges. Themeone Stress and family time We all miss each other. We work longer hours for less money…By the time we’re home from work, picked the kids up, we’re all tired, grumpy and ready for bed rather than doing anything together. Maryam*, parent, West Midlands It’s not that I don’t want to work. I look at jobs each week… I would do it if I could do it around [my son] and nursery. Kim, parent, Worcestershire
  • 16. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 15 •• Employerstotakeactiontodevelopandpromotebetterfamily-friendlyworking conditions,includingmoreopportunitiesforflexibleworking,job-sharesand part-timeoptionsthatfitwithfamilyschedules,nurseryhoursandschool holidays–includingforfathers. Parentssuggestthiscouldincludeemployersthinkingmoreimaginatively abouthowtheydeploytheirstaff,includingallowingparentstosetthedays orhourstheywork,poolingstaffinlargercompaniesandallowingacertain numberofdaysannuallyfor‘familytime’. •• EmployersandGovernmenttoensuretrainingopportunitiesareavailableto parentstoenablethemtomoveintohigherskilled,moreflexibleemployment oncetheyhavechildren,includingopportunitiestotrain‘onthejob’. Parentssaytheywouldbenefitfromguidanceonoptionssuchasareaswhere thereareskillsdeficitsandhowtofindoutmoreaboutself-employment, includingwheretogoforfundingtosetuptheirownbusinesses. •• EmployersandGovernmenttotakeequalresponsibilitytoensurethatall familiesreceiveanadequateincometomeetthecostoflivingandraisinga family. Themeone Stress and family time
  • 17. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 16 ThemetwoThemetwo Opening doors 2
  • 18. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 17 Themetwo Opening doors Background TheSocialMobilityCommissionhaswarnedthatwithout concertedpolicyeffortthisgenerationcouldbethefirst inrecenthistorytoseesocialmobilityputintoreverse, withparticularconcernabouttheeducationattainment gap,accesstotheprofessionsandthelikelihoodofhome ownership.35 Ourownpollingfoundthatonlyathird(33%)of parentssaidtheybelievetheirchildren’sstandardoflivingwill bebetterthantheirown,withaquarter(24%)thinkingitwill beworse.36 Thewealthgapiswidening,andpublicconcernaboutpovertyandinequalityis atahistorichigh.37 Thoseonthehighestincomesarenowmorefinanciallysecure thantheywerebeforetheeconomicdowntown,wherethoseinthebottom20% incomegroupfaredtheworstandarefinanciallymuchlesssecurethanpriorto thedownturn.38 Itremainsthecasethatchildrenwhoseparentshavea‘topjob’are considerablymorelikelytobeinatopjobthemselvesasanadult39 andthosewith widersocialnetworksaremorelikelytobeemployed,toprogressintheircareerand tobepaidmore.40 Childrengrowingupinpoorerfamiliesarefarmorelikelytoleaveschoolwith substantiallylowerlevelsofeducationalattainment,amajorcontributingfactorto patternsofsocialmobility.41 Whilsttherehavebeensomeimprovementsinclosing theattainmentgap,forexampleamongstethnicminoritygroups,thereisstilla considerablegapbetweentheattainmentofchildrenfromwell-offfamiliescompared tothosefromlessadvantagedbackgrounds.42 Thereisalsoaregionaldimensionto gapsinachievement,withjust47%ofpoorestchildrenintheNorthreachingagood levelofdevelopmentintheirearlyyears,comparedtoLondonwhere59%meetthe standard.43 IftheUKhadtakenactioninrecentdecadestoclosetheachievementgap at11theeconomywouldhavebenefittedfrombothaskilledworkforceandhigher economicgrowth;itisestimatedthatGDPin2020wouldbearound£30billionor1.8% higherasaresult.44 35 SocialMobilityandChildPovertyCommission(2014)StateoftheNation2014:SocialMobilityandChildPovertyin GreatBritain,p.v 36 Opinium(2015)FamilyHappinesspollingfor4Children,released8June2015 37 Economist/IpsosNovember2015IssuesIndex(2015)released24November2015 38 SocialMarketFoundation(2015)WealthintheDownturn:Winnersandlosers,p.3 39 CabinetOfficeSocialMobilityandChildPovertyCommission(2015)SocialandEmotionalLearning:Skillsforlife andwork,p.7 40 ONS(2014)MeasuringSocialCapital 41 Goodman,A.Gregg,P.(eds)(2010)Poorerchildren’seducationalattainment:howimportantareattitudesand behaviours?,p.1 42 DfE(2015)Ethnicity,deprivationandeducationalachievementatage16inEngland:trendsovertime:ProfessorSteve Strand–UniversityofOxford 43 IPPR(2015)StateoftheNorth2015:FourTestsfortheNorthernPowerhouse,p.22-23(Figure2.1) 44 SavetheChildren(2013)Tooyoungtofail:Givingallchildrenafairstartinlife,p.vi 33% Onlyathird(33%)ofparents saidtheybelievetheirchildren’s standardoflivingwillbebetter thantheirown
  • 19. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 18 Youngpeoplecanfeelunderpressuretoachieveineducationwhichiscloselylinked withteenagementalhealthproblems.CallstoChildLineaboutschoolandeducation problemswereup13%onthepreviousyearin2013-14,withyoungpeopleworrying aboutdisappointingtheirparents,fearingfailureandfindingithardtomanagethe pressure.45 Employerssaythatexperienceoutsidetheclassroom,suchasextra- curricularactivities,makeyoungjobapplicantsstandoutfromthecrowd.46 Moreover, althoughacademicgradesarethemostimportantfactorconsideredbyuniversity admissionsteams,evidenceofextra-curricularactivitiesremainsanimportantpartof theapplicationprocess,andcanhelpthemdecidebetweenapplicantswithsimilar grades.47 UndergraduatestudentsinEnglandpaythehighesttuitionfeesinthe OECDonaverage,48 andwhilenumbersofschoolleaversgoingontouniversityhas bouncedbackfollowingadropinthefirstyearofthenewfeeregime,therehasbeena “significantandsustained”fallinpart-timeandmaturestudents.49 Despitenowdoingbetterineducation,youngwomenareoverrepresentedamong youngpeoplenotineducation,employmentortraining(NEETS),areonaverage NEETforlonger,andaremorelikelytogetstuckinlow-paidorinsecurework.50 Young womenpredicttheywillearnalowersalarythanyoungmenwhentheyareolder,and aremorelikelytolackconfidencethattheyhavealltheinformationneededtogeta jobtheywouldbehappywith.51 Asadults,womenaremorelikelythanmentohavea degreethanmen,butmenstilloccupymoreseniorpositionsthanwomen.52 Reality check 1. Fewerthanhalf(45%)ofthe‘worstoff’youngpeoplethinktheywillearn enoughmoneytosupportafamilyinfuture,comparedtothreequartersofthe ‘bestoff’(77%)53 2. Britain’syoungpeople(aged12to18-yearsold)feelstressedforalmostfive hoursaday,withpressureaboutwhethertheywillpasstheirexamstheir numberoneworry54 3. Despiteworking,48%of20to34-year-oldswholivewiththeirparentsdoso becausetheycan’taffordtorentorbuytheirownhome55 4. Despitegirls’educationalattainmentbeinghigherthanthatofboys,overtheir lifetimewomenearn40%lessthanmenonaverage56 5. Differencesinthenumberofboysandgirlsstudyingscience,technology, engineeringandmaths(STEM)subjectsaremuchhigheramongstthosefrom lessadvantagedbackgrounds57 45 NSPCC(2015)YoungpeoplecontactingChildLinestrugglingwithmentalhealthissues,released13February2015 46 WorldChallenge(2015)StepAhead:Whatemployersarelookingforwhenrecruitinggraduatesandschoolleavers, p.2 47 WorldChallenge(2015)GivingyoutheEdge:Whatistherealvalueofextra-curricularexperienceintheuniversity applicationprocess?,p.2 48 OECD(2015)EducationataGlance2015,p.265(ChartB5.2) 49 SuttonTrust(2015)IndependentCommissiononFees:2015FinalReport,p.1 50 YoungWomen’sTrust(2015)ScarredforLife:CreatingaWorkingFutureforYoungWomen,p.3 51 CityGuilds(2015)GreatExpectations:Teenagers’careeraspirationsversustherealityoftheUKjobsmarket,p.15 52 EHRC(2015)IsBritainFairer?Thestateofequalityandhumanrights2015,p.35 53 Barnado’s(2015)HowmuchdoyouknowaboutGeneration‘Selfie’?,p.5 54 SeaCadets,Teensarestressedforfivehourseveryday(16November2015) 55 Shelter(2014)Theclippedwinggeneration:Analysisofadultslivingathomewiththeirparents,p.3 56 Swinford,S.(2015)‘Womenwillearn40percentlessthanmenintheirlifetime’,Telegraph.co.uk:25August2015 57 Codiroli,N.(2015)Inequalitiesinstudents’choiceofSTEMsubjects:Anexplorationofintersectionalrelationships,p.18 Themetwo Opening doors
  • 20. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 19 What families tell us It’s like one step forward, two steps back Giventheuncertaintytheyfeelaboutthepresent,manyfamiliesaredeeplyuneasy aboutwhatthefuturemightholdfortheirchildren.Theytellusthatlifeisgettingharder andwilllikelybecomeharderstillfortheirchildren.Theysayitseemsincreasingly difficulttomovebeyondtheplacewhereyouwerebornandbelievethepotentialof socialmobilityhasmovedoutofthereachofthemajority. Parentsareacutelyawareofinequality,describingthecountryturningintoanationof “havesandhavenots”,withsomedescribingasenseofbeing“corneredoffintorich andpoor”.Despitehighaspirationsfortheirchildrenmanyparentsareworriedhow theysupporttheirchildrentoachievetheirpotential,andhaveadjusted(down)their expectationsasaresult. Back in the day it was easier Parent’stopconcernsfortheirchildren’sfuturearearoundtheaffordabilityofhigher andfurthereducation,accesstosecureandwell-paidemploymentandtheir likelihoodofrentingorowningtheirownhome.Youngpeoplealsoseetheseasthe barrierstothemreachingadulthoodandbecomingfullyindependent,andarescared abouthowtheywillachievethesemilestones. Parentsworryaboutwhethertheirchildrenwillbeshoulderedwithdebtalloftheir livesandwonderiftheywillbeabletoleaveanysavingsforthemwhentheyaregone duetotheirownfinancialcircumstances.Theyreflectthatwhentheirgenerationwere younghousingwasmoreaccessible,affordableandsecure,thattheyhadgreater employmentsecurityandwerebetterabletosaveforthefuture;aviewsharedby youngpeopleofhowgenerationshavechanged. The country is missing out on these clever minds Familiessaythatthecostsassociatedwithaccessingtheopportunitiesavailableto youngpeoplearetoohighandoutofthereachofmany.Theyfeelthatwhogetswhat dependsonwhereyouarefromandhowmuchmoneyyouhave.Whenaskedwhat havingmoneywouldchangeintheirlivesmanyyoungpeoplesayitwouldimprove theiremploymentopportunities. Familiesagreeontheimportanceoffurtherenrichingactivitiesforchildrenoutside ofeducation,suchastrips,sportsandhobbies,butmanywespoketosaytheseare notpossibleforthemtoaccessbecauseoftheassociatedcosts.Evenfreeactivities, suchasafootballclubforexample,stillinvolvespayingforkit,bootsandtravel.Some parents,includingthoseworkinglongorirregularhoursaswellassingleparents, areparticularlytimepoorandcanstruggletogettheirchildrentoactivitiesoutsideof schoolormaketimeforfamilyactivitiestogether. Parentswithgreaterincomeandresourcesavailabletothemsaytheyare“lucky” tohavetheskills,moneyandnetworkstoprovidetheirchildrenwiththesocialand culturalcapitaltheyneedtogetoninlife,andareawarethisisnotthecaseforall children.Theseparentsareconfidentthattheirownchildrenwillsucceedbecause theyareabletosetthemupinlifeandwillalwaysbethereforthemtofallbackonif timesgethard.Otherparents,particularlyonlowerincomes,feelsimilarlyresponsible fortryingtohelptheirchildrensourceandbepartofthesekindofactivitiesthatwill helpthemgrowandgeton,butareinlessofapositiontobeableto. Themetwo Opening doors Now it’s so hard to make progression in life, that’s your station and you can’t go anywhere until we say so. That’s who you are in life. You’re stuck waiting and hoping that something is going to change. Amir*, parent My dad just worked his way up; now you can’t get even get an internship without going to university Hannah, 18, Bath
  • 21. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 20 Overwhelming pressure to succeed Familiesbelievethereisnowawiderrangeofjobsandcareeropportunitiesavailable toyoungpeoplethanwerethereforthemwhentheywereyounger,butarenotalways awareofhowbesttonavigatetheseorsupporttheirchildrentomakethechoices thatwillmostbenefitthem.Alongwithmoreopportunitiestodowell,parentsare concernedabouttheincreasedpossibilitiesfortheirchildren’sfuturesto“gowrong”– forthemtotakeawrongturnorbeleftoutalongtheway–andtheyfeelresponsible forensuringthisdoesnothappen. Parentsbelievethattheseincreasedopportunitiesalsomeanhigherstakesforyoung people,withagreateremphasisonqualifications,higherexpectationsfromayounger ageandunprecedentedpressurestosucceedfromwhentheyareyoung.Young peopledescribethesepressuresintermsofhavingtogrowupyoungandfeelingthat theirwholefuturerestsondoingwellasachild.Manysaythatpassingexamsand achievingatschooliswhatworriesthemthemost,linkingthistotheriseinteenage mentalhealthproblems. They should teach a class in school about life skills Despitetheweightofexpectationrestingonthem,andthepressuretheyface toachieve,youngpeoplefeelpoorlyequippedfortheiradultlives.Theysaythe focusintheeducationsystemonpassingexamsoverlooksyoungpeople’swider lackofpreparednessforreallifeandallthatentails.Manyhavelargegapsintheir knowledgebase,whetherornottheycomefromsupportivefamilies,inparticular aroundhowtomanagemoney,findingworkandthepracticalitiesaroundliving independently.Thereisastrongappetiteforaneducationsystemthatbettermeets theirneedsinachangingworldwheretheybelievethepressurestosucceed,inall aspectsoftheirlives,aresomuchgreater. Boys get footballs, girls get pink dresses Onthewholefamiliessaythatsocietyhascomealongwaywithregardstogender equality,andarehopefulthatboththeirdaughtersandsonswillachieveallthatthey dreamofinthefuture–regardlessofgender.Someparents,however,saysociety remainsmale-dominatedandthatgirlsandyoungwomenhavenotyetachieved equality.Forthem,thepaceofchangeistooslowandtheybelieveyoungwomenare beingheldbackbecauseofit. Somespokeofthegenderstereotypesthataregeneratedandperpetuatedfromthe earlyyears,includingaroundwhattoys,clothesandcoloursareseenasacceptable orappropriateforboysandgirls,andhowthiscaninfluencetheirchildren’sfuture expectationsandoutcomes.Theyfeltthisdidasmuchofadisservicetoboysasto girlsinthelimitationsitplacedonthem. Areaswhereparentshighlightedroomforfurtherprogresstobemadeforincludedin education(particularlyinscience,technology,engineeringandmaths(STEM)subjects andnon-academicvocationalroutes)andinemploymenttoachieveequalpayand smashthe‘glassceiling’.Bothparentsandchildrensaythe‘motherhoodpenalty’is apotentialdisadvantageforyoungwomenwhentheygrowup,withsomeyoung womentalkingabouttheexpectationstheyfelttheyfacedtobeawifeandamother beforeallelse. Themetwo Opening doors The stress and pressure on us adults now, in ten years time, I dread the pressure that will be on them. Pete, parent, South Wales I never got taught how to manage a mortgage or tax, but I know about leaves. Talk to me about a leaf, I’ll tell you what’s inside it, how it grows… Callum, 18, Buckinghamshire Girls are expected to be passive little princesses. This won’t help them in life. Jade*, parent, South East
  • 22. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 21 A way forward Youngpeoplearegrowingupinaworldverydifferenttowhentheirparentswere young,whichtheyseecharacterisedashavingbothgreateropportunityand greaterchallenges,withmorechancesofgoingwrong.Asaresultparentscan struggletoknowhowtohelptheirchildrengetonorwhattherightchoicesare tomake. Notaccessingthepotentialofpartofthenextgenerationisnotonlyalossfor families,butalsoalossfortheeconomy.Regional,socio-economicandgender disparitiesinopportunityandoutcomemustbeactivelyrecognisedandtackled toensureyoungpeopleofallbackgroundsandfromallareasofthecountrycan achieve,liveindependentlyandcontribute.Withoutequippingyoungpeople withtheskillstheyneedforasuccessfuladulthood,theyriskmakingchoicesthat mightdamagetheirfuturesornotbeabletonavigatetheworldinthesameway astheirpeers. Familiesmusthaveaccesstoarangeofactivitiesfromwhentheirchildrenare bornandthroughouttheirchildhoodtohelpthembroadentheirhorizonsand equipthemwiththeinformation,networksandskillstheyneedtodowell.Families needopportunitiesandcareersadvicethatnotonlyhelpschildrenunderstand theiroptionsbutsupportsparentswithhowtobestadvisetheirchildrenonthe realitiesofachangingemploymentmarket. •• Services,schoolsandlocalauthoritiestocreatemorefreefamilyactivitiesfor parentswithchildrenofallages,andawiderrangeoffreeextracurricularclubs andactivities,includingmusiclessons,sports,breakfastandafterschoolclubs, sothesearen’toutofreachtothosewithoutthemoneytopayforthem. •• Schoolstoprovidelifeskillseducationtohelpprepareyoungpeoplefortheir adulthoodandallthatwillbeexpectedofthem Youngpeoplesuggestthat‘lifeskills’shouldbetaughtinschoolandshould includemoneymanagement,avoidingproblemdebtandloans,payingbills, findinghousing,thepracticalitiesofgettingajobandpayingtax. •• Careersguidancewhichbringsyoungpeople,theirparentsandemployers togethertobetterplanfortheirfutures,inparticularsupportingparentsonhow tobestadvisetheirchildrenontheopportunitiesavailabletothem,helping ‘future-proof’theiroptionsandcareers. •• Mentalhealthservicestosupportyoungpeopletocopewiththepressures theyfacetoachieveineducationthroughgreateraccesstomentalhealth supportatkeytransitionandpressurepointssuchasfromprimarytosecondary school,atexamtimeandintherun-uptoleavingschool. Themetwo Opening doors
  • 23. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 22 ThemethreeThemethree Family in the digital age 3
  • 24. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 23 Themethree Family in the digital age Background Theinternetandsocialmediaarenowcentraltochildren’s experienceofgrowingup,beingthefirstgenerationtogrowup neverhavingknownaworldwithoutit.Bytheageoftwomost childrenareusingatablet,laptoporcomputer,withaccess nearlyuniversalbytheageoffour.58 Themajority(84%)of adultsbelievethereareeducationalbenefitstohavingaccess totabletsandsmartphones,59 thinkbeingonlineisinvaluable forkeepingtheminformedaboutcurrentissues(64%)andsay ithelpsthemkeepintouchwithfriendsandfamily(60%).60 Formostyoungpeopletheinternetisapositiveplacewiththemajoritysayingpeople arekindtothemonline(63%),theirfriendsareclosertothembecauseoftheinternet (63%)andtheywouldbelonelyiftheycouldnottalktotheirfriendsviatechnology.61 Ingeneral,parentsalsobelievethatthebenefitsofgoingonlineoutweightherisks fortheirchildren–half(51%)ofparentsofthreetofour-year-oldswhousetheinternet agreethatthepositivesoutweighthenegatives,asdotwothirds(65%)ofparentsof fiveto15-year-oldswhogoonline.62 Yetdespiteallthebenefitstechnologybrings,overtwo-fifthsofparents(43%)believe theirchildrenspendtoomuchtimeinfrontofscreens.63 Overafifthof12to13-year-olds (21.6%),andsimilarnumbersof14to15-year-olds(22.5%),saytheyalmostalways wakeupduringthenighttousesocialmedia,64 withnight-timeusageofsocialmedia relatedtolowerself-esteemandhigheranxietyanddepressionlevels.65 There hasbeenincreasingconcernabouttheprevalenceofonlineabuse,withChildLine reportinga73%increaseincounsellingsessionsaboutthisbetween2011/12and 2013/14.66 Childrencanalsobecomevictimsofpeerpressurewhenusingtheinternet, drivingriskybehaviour–researchsuggeststhat14%of10and17-year-oldshave lookedatpornonlineand12%havelookedupviolentvideosonYouTubeorFacebook, with9%sayingtheydidsobecausetheyfeltpressurisedbyfriends.67 Thevastmajorityofparentsareactivelyengagedinmediatingtheirchild’sonline activityinsomeway.68 UKchildrenexperiencefeweronlinerisksandtheirparentsare moreawareoftheirexperiencesanddomoretomediatetheirinternetsafetythanthe Europeanaverage.69 Parentswhoaremostconfidentandskilledusingtheinternet 58 Childwise(2015)TheMonitorPre-SchoolReport2015:Keybehaviorpatternsamong0to4yearolds,p.7 59 Comres(2015)Channel4NewsChildren’sScreenUsePoll,p.21(Table21) 60 Ofcom(2015)TheCommunicationsMarket2015,p.86 61 UKSaferInternetCentre(2015)Friendshipinadigitalage,p.2 62 Ofcom(2015)ChildrenandParents:MediaUseandAttitudesReport,p.132 63 Comres(2015)Channel4NewsChildren’sScreenUsePoll,p.21(Table21) 64 Horton,K.etal(2015)Routinesandrest:thesleepbehavioursof12to15yearolds,p.14 65 UniversityofGlasgow,Pressuretobeavailable24/7onsocialmediacausesteensanxietyanddepression (11September2015) 66 NSPCC(2015)UnderPressure:ChildLineAnnualReview2013/14,p.44 67 McAfee(2013)DigitalDeception:TheOnlineBehaviourofTeens,p.4 68 Ofcom(2014)OfcomReportonInternetSafetyMeasures:Strategiesofparentalprotectionforchildrenonline,p.4 69 Livingstone,S.etal(2010)Risksandsafetyforchildrenontheinternet–theUKreport:FullfindingsfromtheEUKids OnlinesurveyofUK9-16yearoldsandtheirparents,p.10 43% Overtwo-fifthsofparents(43%) believetheirchildrenspendtoo muchtimeinfrontofscreens
  • 25. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 24 themselvescanadvisetheirchildrenbetteronhowtostaysafeonlineandwhat decisionstomakeabouthowtheyuseit.70 Parentalattemptstorestrictandmonitor internetusearelesssuccessfulthansupportiveandenablingparentingthat allowschildrentoself-regulatetheirowninternetandsocialmediausageandbuild resilienceonline.71 A reality check 1. Two-fifthsofadults(42%)admittocheckingtheirphonesatthedinnertable72 2. 60%ofparentssaytechnologygetsinthewayoffamilytime73 3. Justoveroneintenyoungpeoplehaveexperiencedcyberbullyinginthelast 12monthsinEngland74 4. 58%ofchildrenagedfiveto16describethemselvesasveryconfidentatusing moderntechnology,butonly27%thinkthesameistrueoftheirparents75 5. 76%ofyoungpeoplesaytheinternetensurestheirfriendsareavailable wheneverandwherevertheyneedthem76 What families tell us When not used excessively, it enriches and educates lives Familieswespoketowereverypositiveaboutthebenefitstechnologybringstotheir lives.Itprovidesthemwithinvaluableinformation,pointstheminthedirectionofuseful servicesandbringseducationalbenefits,forallages.Ithelpsthemstayintouchwith familyandfriends,bothnearandfar,inwaystheywouldneverhavebeenableto previously. Bothparentsandyoungpeoplesaytheinternetoffersthemtheopportunitytoreach otherpeoplelikethem,orwhoaregoingthroughsimilarexperiencestothem,andthat thepeersupportandfriendshiptheygainfromthisisinvaluable.Thenetworksitopens upforthem,whentheyneedhelporwanttoreachout,canreduceisolationandat timessupportthemthroughcrisis. Youngpeopleinparticulartalkabouthowbeingonlinehelpsthemfindotherpeople withsimilarviewsorintereststotheirown,andsaytheinternethelpsthemlearnawide rangeofviewpoints.Thishashelpedthemmakenewconnections,openupawider rangeofopportunitiesandbecomemoreindependent. It ruins family life – people don’t talk to each other Despiteallthepositives,however,familiessaytechnologycanhaveapotentially damagingandnegativeimpactontheirlives.Bothadultsandchildrenassociatethe increaseduseoftechnologywithreducedface-to-facecommunication,physical activityandoutdoorplay,whichtheyseeasatroublingchangeinsociety. 70 Livingstone,S.etal(2015)Howparentsofyoungchildrenmanagedigitaldevicesathome:Theroleofincome, educationandparentalstyle,p.6 71 Przybylski,Dr.Aetal(2014)ASharedResponsibility:BuildingChildren’sOnlineResilience,p.4 72 Ofcom(2015)TheUKisnowasmartphonesociety,pressrelease6August2015 73 4Children(2016)Nationallyrepresentativepollingof1,922parentsofchildren18andunderconductedbyYouGovPlc 74 DepartmentforEducation(2015)Bullying:EvidencefromtheLongitudinalStudyofYoungPeopleinEngland2,wave 2:Researchbrief,p.12 75 Child-WiseMonitorreportRoundUp,p.5 76 YouthNet(2011)LifeSupport:Youngpeople’sneedsinadigitalage,p.5 Themethree Family in the digital age The internet really helps, you can really relate to people online because you can find people with the same experiences… Technology can be really helpful. Alex, 17, South London
  • 26. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 25 Familiesareparticularlyconcernedaboutthedistractiontechnologycancausein themoment,theimpactithasonthemspendinggoodqualitytimetogetherandhow ithaschangedthewaytheirfamilyinteracts.Somesaytheyhardlyeverspendtime togetherwithoutatleastonepersonintheroombeingoccupiedbyadevice. Technology, social media has placed huge pressures on children Aswellasthedrainonfamilytimeandthedistractionfromfacetofaceexperiences, parentsareworriedaboutwhattheinternetandsocialmediaexposesyoungpeople to.Inparticulartheyspokeabouttheirchildren’sexposuretocontent,ideasand imagesthatareinappropriatefortheiragegroupandtheriskofthemmeetingpeople onlinetheydonotknowandcannottrust. Bothparentsandyoungpeoplespokeaboutthedistortedandcuratedversionof realitysocialmediapresentstothem,bothinrespectofbodyimageandbeauty standards,aswellasthesocialanxietysocialmediacangenerate.Bothparentsand youngpeopleadmitthateventhoughtheytrytoresistittheyoftencannothelpbut comparethemselvestoothersonline,andtalkabouthowdamagingthiscanbeto theirself-esteem. Inparticular,youngpeopletalkaboutthepressuretheyandtheirfriendsfeelina “competitiveworld”togainpopularityandself-affirmationthroughsocialmedia. Theygiveexamplesoftheirfriendsstayingupallnightorhavingcompetitions withtheirfriendstoseehowmany‘likes’or‘friends’theycanget,ordoingand postingpotentiallyriskythingstogainnotorietythrough‘shares’.Theytalkabout howaddictivethisrelationshipwithtechnologycanbeandthedamagingimpact itcanhaveontheirmentalhealth.Somewhohadtakenbreaksfromsocialmedia, voluntarilyorotherwise,talkedaboutboththepanicandthepeacethisbroughtthem. As parents we have been quite strict Thefearparentscaninternalisearoundthepotentialdangersoftechnologycanbe all-consumingattimes,impactingtheirparentingandcausingthemtoputagreatdeal ofpressureonthemselvestoreducethepotentialriskstheyseearoundthem.They tellusthattoacertainextenttheythinktheirfearscouldbeinflatedorexaggerated bythemedia,andcompoundedbywhattheyseethroughasocialmediabubbleand feedbackloop,butareunsuretowhatdegreethisthreatisthecase. Parentsbelievetheyhaveaclearroleintryingtomanagetheirchildren’srelationship withtechnology,employingstrategiessuchaskeepinglistsoftheirchildren’s passwords,monitoringtheiractivityorsettingoutrulesforeveryone’susageofdevices inthehousehold.Theydonotwanttoruntheriskofnottakingthethreatstheyhear aboutseriouslyandmanyhaveenforcedstrictrulesontheirfamily’sinternetusage, eitherasaresultofseriousinstancesoftheirchildren’ssafetybeingcompromised,or theirfearthatsomethingterriblewillhappeniftheydonot. Youngpeople,however,talkabouttheirparents’attemptstomanagetheirinternet accessasoftenmisplacedorfruitless,givenhowlittletheybelieveoldergenerations trulyunderstandoftheirlivesonline.Mostyoungpeopleareawaretheyneedto managetheirownriskswithtechnology,talkingabouthavingto‘block’peopleonline andbeingcautiousaboutwhotheytrust,buttheydonotalwaysfeelwellequippedto keepthemselvessafeorfeelprotectedonline. Themethree Family in the digital age People want these “likes” so much they immerse themselves in social media and they almost lack the skills to talk to people. Jake, 16, Herefordshire Social media means you’re always comparing yourself to friends and celebrities… Technology means there are more ways to feel left out Jordan*, 17, London
  • 27. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 26 When I was at school, for example say somebody was to be bullied, you’d have that at school but then you could go home and it wouldn’t follow you. But now, it never shuts off does it? You get your Facebook messages, text messages… Siobhan*, parent, Herefordshire It never shuts off Familiestalkaboutneverbeingableto“switchoff”fromtheinternetandsomechildren talkaboutneverbeingabletotakeoffthearmourtheyputonatschooltopresenta certainpersona.Parentstalkabouttheexpectationtheyfeeltopresentandcuratean imageoftheirfamily’ssuccessandhappinessonsocialmedia,andthepressurethey putonthemselvesbycomparingtheirlivestootherpeople’sonline. Childrenfeltsimilarlyaboutthepressuretopresentthemselvesacertainwayonsocial media,andsaidthatattimesthiscouldbecomeanobsessionthattookovertheirlives. Somespokeaboutnotbeingabletolettheirguarddownathomeastheymayhave doneinthepastbecausetheironlineworldiseverpresent. Allyoungpeopleknowinstancesofotherstheiragebeingbulliedonlineorhaving imagessharedwithouttheirconsentandcangiveexamplesofhowquicklythiscan escalateandspreadaroundtheirpeergroup.Theysaytheanonymityoftheinternet makesitmucheasierforpeopletoputonafrontorpersona,aswellastodocruel, riskyandharmfulthingstoothersthattheywouldnotnormallydoinperson. Thosewhohadexperienceofcyberbullyingsaytheyortheirchildrendonotfeel safeanywhere;evenwhentheycomehomeandshutthedoorbehindthem,the victimisationcontinuesintheirbedroomthroughtheirphone,tabletorlaptop.Both adultsandchildrenmakeconnectionsbetweenthisself-harmandsuicide. A way forward Weliveinanincreasinglydigitalworld,withtechnologypresentingopportunities andrisksforusallwhileplayingakeyroleinthewayfamiliesnowinteract.Very fewchoosetoactivelydisengagefromitbutareinsteadlookingforstrategiesto supporttheirfamilytouseitsafely.Theywanttechnologytobettersupportand facilitatetheirlives,ratherthandominatingitorposingriskstothem. Bothparentsandyoungpeoplewanttobuildskillsandresiliencetomanage theirrelationshipwithtechnology,keepthemsafeonlineandmaximisethe opportunitiestechnologybrings.Tobeabletodothisparentsneedmoresupport tobetterunderstanditthemselves,sotheyinturncanhelpandsupporttheir children. Givenhowstrongthemessagehasbeenfrombothparentsandyoungpeople thattheyfeelconflictedbytechnologyandstruggletomanagetheirrelationship withit,4Childrenwillcontinuetodevelopthisareaofwork. •• Forservicestodevelopfurther‘digitalparenting’supporttohelpparents understandtheinternetbetterthemselvesandsupportchildren’ssafeand positiveexplorationoftheinternet,helpingthemdevelopskillsandresilienceto potentialharm. •• Families,bothparentsandchildren,tocommittoanhouradayfreefrom devicestospendqualitytimewitheachotheroffline Themethree Family in the digital age
  • 28. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 27 Theme four The gender split 4
  • 29. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 28 Themefour The gender split Background InmostofBritain’stwoparenthouseholdsbothpartnersnow tendtowork,withwomen’sparticipationinthelabourmarket havingincreasedsignificantlyoverthelastthreedecades.77 Despitewomen’sincreasedroleinthepaidworkforce, however,menhaveyettotakeonanincreasedroleinunpaid workinthehome,with60%ofwomensayingtheydomore thantheirfairshare(comparedto10%ofmen),and37%of menreportingdoinglessthantheirfairshare(comparedto 6%ofwomen).78 MothersinBritaincanfindbalancingworkingandraisingchildrenparticularlydifficult, with65%sayingthathavingchildrenhadanegativeeffectontheircareer.79 Women stillfaceasubstantialmotherhoodpenalty,withlowerthanaveragelife-timeearnings andlessprogressionatworkasaresultoftakingtimeouttocareforchildren.80 Womenfrequentlyactasthe“shock-absorbers”ofpoverty,protectingtheirchildren fromitsworstaffects,forexamplebygoinghungrytofeedtheirchildren.81 Aswellas additionalworkaroundthehouse,womentendtohavemorecaringresponsibilities thanmen,includingofolderrelatives.Manywomenprovidecareforboth grandchildrenandelderlyparents,knownasthe‘sandwichgeneration’,jugglingthis withtheresponsibilityofpaidwork;itisoftenworkinggrandmothersprovidinginformal childcarefortheirgrandchildren.82 Fathersaroundtheworldsaytheywanttobemoreinvolvedinthelivesoftheir childrenandwouldworklessifitmeantthattheycouldspendmoretimewiththem.83 Parentswhoworkfulltimehavemuchlessfreetimetospendwiththeirchildrenand family.Giventhatmenaremorelikelythanwomentoworkfulltime,fatherscan struggletobemorehandsonintheirparenting,spendingmuchlesstimewiththeir childrendoingroutineactivities,suchashelpingwithhomeworkorsittingdowntoa mealtogether.84 Fathershaveanimportantroletoplayinchilddevelopmentandcaregiving,both directlyfortheirchildrenandindirectlyaspartofacare-givingteam,acrossachild’s lifecycle.85 Whenfathersdeveloptheirownwaysofparentingandspendmore timeontheirowncaringfortheirbaby,astrongbaby-fatherbondcandevelop. Additionally,bothmothers’mentalhealthandcouples’relationshipsarebetterwhen fathersaremorehandsoninlookingafterbabies.86 77 NatCenSocialResearch(2013)BritishSocialAttitudes,vol.30,GenderRoles:AnIncompleteRevolution?,p.117 78 Ibid,p.115 79 Mumsnet(2015)JobsandtheMotherhoodPenalty 80 FawcettSociety(2014)TheTimetoActisNow:Fawcett’sGenderPayGapBriefing,p.4-5 81 FabianSociety(2015)HungryforChange:ThefinalreportoftheFabianCommissiononFoodandPoverty,p.11 82 IPPR(2013)TheSandwichGeneration:Olderwomenbalancingworkandcare,p.9 83 MenCare(2015)StateoftheWorld’sFathers:AMenCareAdvocacyPublication,p.18 84 ModernFatherhood(2013)Fathers’involvementwithchildren,p.2 85 Barker,Gary(2015)‘Whymen’scaregivingmattersforyoungchildren:lessonsfromtheMenCarecampaign’,EARLY CHILDHOODMATTERSvol.124,pp51-52 86 MenCareFatherhoodInstitute(2014)MakingthemostoffatherstoImprovematernalandinfanthealth,p.1 60% ofwomensaytheydomorethan theirfairshareofunpaidwork inthehome(comparedto10% ofmen)
  • 30. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 29 Sharedparentinghasclearbenefitsforearlychildhooddevelopment.Five-year-olds withtwosupportiveparentsscoremorehighlyonlanguagedevelopmentandshared decision-makingbetweenmothersandfathersisdirectlylinkedtoyoungchildren’s academicandsocialskills.87 Officialgovernmentestimates,however,statethattake- upofSharedParentalLeave(whichcameintoeffectinApril2015)willonlybebetween twoandeightpercent,88 comparedto69%take-upinPortugaland88%take-upin Sweden.89 Oneofmen’smainconcernsabouttakingadvantageofSharedParental Leaveisthattheywouldbefinanciallyworseoff(37.6%),orthatitmightaffecttheir career(31.7%).90 Familyandchildrenservicescanstruggletoengagewithfathers,andinturn,many fathersdonotalwaysaccesstheseservicesorfeelwelcomewhentheydo.91 Family servicesareoftenmodelledonprojectsdesignedformothers,notadvertisedin therightplacestoreachfathersanddonotreflecttheirexperiences.92 Mencanfeel excludedinmaternitysettingsandfacealackofconsiderationfrommaternitystaff,93 andathirdofdadshaveneversoughtadviceonparenting.94 A reality check 1. Womenspendonaverage13hoursaweekonhouseworkand23hourson caringforfamilymembers,wheretheequivalentfiguresformenare8hours and10hoursrespectively95 2. Almostthree-quarters(74%)ofmotherssayitisdifficulttocombinepaidwork andchildren96 3. TwooutofthreeBritishadultsthinkthattherolefather’splayinraisingtheir childrenisundervalued97 4. Morethan87%ofmensaytheywouldliketoshareparentalleavewiththeir partnerafterthebirthoftheirchildbutmostarereluctanttoasktheirbosses, and31%saidtheirmanagerwouldnotunderstand98 5. Take-upofAdditionalPaternityLeavewasonly1.4%in2012/1399 87 FatherhoodInstitute(2014)Co-parentingandEarlyChildhoodDevelopment,p.1-2 88 DepartmentforBusiness,InnovationandSkills(2013),ModernWorkplaces:SharedParentalLeaveandPay AdministrationConsultation–ImpactAssessment,p.4 89 WorkCareSharecampaign 90 ONSandOpinionMatters(January,2015)SharedParentalLeave:PublicAttitudes,p.102-103 91 FamilyLives(2014)Fathersandfamilies:Aguidetoassistparentingpractitionerswithincludingandworkingwith fathers,p.1 92 Ibid. 93 CentreforSocialJustice(2015)FullyCommitted?HowaGovernmentcouldreversefamilybreakdown,p.61-62 94 ActionforChildren(2014)1in3dadsdon’taskforparentingadvice,pressrelease:14July2014 95 NatCenSocialResearch(2013)BritishSocialAttitudes,vol.30,GenderRoles:AnIncompleteRevolution?,p.115 96 BritishPregnancyAdviceService(2015)BecomingaMother:UnderstandingWomen’sChoicesToday,p.13 97 HuffingtonPost(2014)‘AreDadsTreatedAsABitOfAJoke?’,14August2014,coverageofICMWorkingWith Menpolling 98 SlaterGordon(2015)Menarereluctanttoasktheirbossforsharedparentalleave,pressrelease28May2015 99 AdditionalPaternityLeavewasthepreviouspolicyallowingfatherstotakebetween2and26weeksofunused maternityleaveaftertheirpartnerreturnedtowork.From:TUC(2013)JustOnein172FathersTakeAdditional PaternityLeave,pressrelease:13June2013 Themefour The gender split
  • 31. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 30 What families tell us It should be a joint partnership, but often it isn’t Familiessaythattheperceptionisgreaterthanrealitywhenitcomestotheideaof genderequalityathomeandintheworkplace.Despitetheaspirationsparentsin heterosexualcoupleshavetoraisechildrenjointly,manytalkaboutthefrequently stereotypicalrolestheyplayinthehouseholdandthetensionstheycomeupagainst inbalancingresponsibilities. Childrenalsocommentonthedifferentrolestheyseetheirparentsplayingwhich frequentlyreflectgenderedandunequaldivisionsofhousework,parentingorcaring, andhowthiscanfrustratethem.Thesedifferencesalsoplayoutinhowsiblingsare treated.Girlsandyoungwomenreflectonhowtheyareexpectedtodomorearound thehouseandsaytheirparentsarestricterormoreprotectivewiththemthantheir brothers,sayingthatboys“haveiteasier”thantheminmanyways. Manymothersreflectpositivelyonthechangeinwomen’slivesfromprevious generations,butsaythatlittlehaschangedformenwithregardstothetimetheygive tohousework,childcareoreldercare.Workingmothersdescribethepressurethey feeltofulfilanumberofrolesandoftendoa‘tripleshift’(theirownjob,childcareand housework)whereasfathersworkingfull-timearerarelyexpectedtodoasmuch ‘familywork’outsideoftheirworkinghours.Evenmothersworkingpart-timesaythey oftenendupworkingmorehoursanywaytofitinallthatisrequiredofthem,aswellas balancingtheirroleathome.Womensaytheyrarelyfeeltheyaregettingthisbalance right,leavingthemfeelingguilty,inadequateandstretchedtoothintogiveasmuchof themselvesastheywouldliketoanyonerole. Somewomensaytheircareerandincomehassufferedasaresultofbecominga mother,despiteworkingjustashard,ifnotmoresoaftertheirchildrenwereborn. Thosewithlowerskillsfeelparticularlydisadvantagedwhentheywanttomoveback intoworkafterhavingchildren,withfewopportunitiesforthemtodeveloptheirskills beyondlow-paid,low-skilledwork. They’ll get before I get, they always do Duetotheunevensplitinresponsibilitiesandrolesinmanyoppositesexcouple families,womencanfeelparticularlyunderpressureandliketheyaretheoneswho needto“solveitall”.Manysaytheybearthebruntoffamilyhardship,goingwithout sotheirchildrencanhavewhattheyneed,andcanlosesleepworryinghowthey willprovideforthem.Motherscanfeelliketheycarrytheweightofresponsibilityfor keepingafamilytogetherandfortendingtotheirdailyemotionalandpracticalneeds. Inthefocusontheirchildren,andbytryingtoprotectthemfromstressandstruggle, motherscanlosefocusonthemselvesandtheirwellbeing.Motherssaythey frequentlyprioritiseeveryoneelseinthefamilybeforethemselves,andthatthiscan takeasignificantemotionalandmentaltollonthem.Singlemothers,whomaybe responsibleforthewholefamilyontheirown,saythiscanleavethemfeelinglonely andlackingsupport.Womenfeelingisolatedandunsupportedinthiswaycanleadto argumentsandconflictwheretheyareinrelationships.Manywomensaytheywant theirmalepartnerstotakemoreresponsibilityathomeandforthepressuretoholdthe familytogethertofeelmoreevenlydistributed. Themefour The gender split The gold standard should be shared care unless it’s in the child’s best interests… children perform better when two parents are in their lives. Lloyd*, parent, South Wales I’ve noticed how much my mum does, and how much more my dad could do. Amber, 18, Bath Stress, anxiety and feeling like the responsibility always falls on me. Feeling I am doing many jobs badly instead of one job well. Monique*, parent, North West
  • 32. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 31 He feels like he’s losing his family Fathersthemselvessaythatdespitetheoftenunequaldivisionoffamilyresponsibility, manywouldliketobeinvolvedinamorehands-onway,howevertheydonotalways feelableorwellsupportedtodoso.Theysaytheyareunclearoftheirplaceinfamily life,thattheydidnotfeelequippedwiththesameskillsastheirfemalepartnerswhen theirchildrenwerebornandthatthereisapresumptionofmothersasprimarycarersin servicesthatleavesthemfeeling“pushedout”andexcludedbyservices. Somefamiliessaytheyaretooreliantonafather’sincomeforhimtobemoreinvolved infamilylife,evenwhenhewantstobe.Fatherscanoftenfeelthisistheroleexpected ofthem,andsaytheyarelookedtoasthemainproviderandareunderpressureto keepthefamilyafloatfinancially.Wheretheyarethebreadwinner,itcanbedifficult forfatherstosacrificeworktimetobewiththeirfamiliesandsomesayworkoften causesthemtobemoreabsent. Parentssaychildrencanfeeldistantfromandunsureoftheirfathersasaresultof longworkinghours,andanumberofdadsdescribehavingtorestarttheirrelationship everytimetheycomehome.Fatherstalkaboutnothavingtherightparentingskills whensomuchhaschangedinthegapsbetweenthemspendingrealtimewiththeir children,particularlywhenyoung.Theytalkaboutnotbeingabletogivefocussed attentiontoeithertheirchildrenortheirpartnerafterworkorattheweekend,withone relationshipinevitablysuffering.Weheardofveryfewinstanceswhereafather’swork wasflexibleorfamily-friendlyformen. When things are involving your children, we get pushed out Mennotbeingabletoparticipatefullyinfamilylifecanhavedamagingimpactson familyrelationships.Itaffectstheirabilitytoseetheirchildrengrowup,growbonds withthemordeveloptheirownparentingskills,capacityandconfidence. Fatherstellustheydonotfeelwellrecognisedbysocietyorthattheirroleisfully valued.Theytellusaboutcommonsituationsinwhichtheyfeeloverlookedor marginalisedbyprofessionalsfromthemomenttheirpartnerbecomespregnant. Somedescribeawidersocialsuspicionofmenparentingwhichmakeslifeharderfor themandhighlightasocialstigmaaroundsinglefathers,whocanfeelparticularly judgedandseenashaving“donesomethingwrong”toberaisingachildontheir own.Whenthingsgowrongorthereareproblemsinthehouseholdtheyfeeltheyare blamed,pushedoutandrarelygivenanopportunitytofindafamilyfocusedsolution. Mensaythatthemajorityofchildren’sservicesarewomen-focusedandthereislittle supportorspacesspecificallyforfathers.Evenservicesintendedforfamiliescan feelexclusiveandnotwelcomingofmen,andbeyondthatthereareveryfewspaces explicitlywelcomingofmenordesignedtomeettheirneeds.Fatherstellusabout thedifficultyofseekingsupportordiscussingtheiremotions,particularlywhenfamily lifegetstough,andlinkedthistomalementalhealthandsuiciderates.Whilstsome fathersareunsurewhethertheywouldusemen-onlyservices,thosewhodousedad spacesorsupportgroupsdescribetheseasplaceswheretheycanreleasepressure, shareexperiencesandtalkopenly. Themefour The gender split My husband works long hours – he has to build a relationship with our daughter every night all over again. Lucy, parent, Bedford Society and service providers do not recognise the equal role and the value of the father in the home. Duncan*, parent, Scotland
  • 33. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 32 I used to get daggers at the park – a man in a woman’s environment… everything is focused on the mothers, dads are left in the background. From the midwives to the health visitors, dads get left in the dark. Everything concentrates on the mother” Pete, parent, South Wales A way forward Itisclearthereremainsasignificantlagbetweenthevisionofanequalsociety –whereneitherfathersnormothersareheldbackatworkbyhavingchildrenor preventedfromfullinvolvementinthefamilyduetowork–andtherealityoffamily lifeformanyinBritaintoday. Aculturechangeacrosssocietyandservicesisneededtorealisemen’sfull participationinfamilylife,whichinturnwillhelptoeliminatethemotherhood penaltyandgenderpaygapbyreducingtheamountoftimewomentakeoutof theworkplacetoprovideunpaidcare. Bysupportingbothparentstobeengagedinraisingchildrenasaunitand developingservicestomeettheneedsofmothersandfathers,thehealthand wellbeingofbothpartieswouldimprove,inturnleadingtobetteroutcomesfor children. Recommendations •• Forservicestoensurethatallfamilyservicesareaccessibleandwelcomingto fathers,demonstratedthroughauditprocesseswhichputthistothetest,suchas service-user‘mystery-shopping’oraqualityassurance‘kitemark’. •• Morecommunitynetworksprovidingpeersupportforparentsofyoung children,toreducestressandisolation •• ForemployerstomatchpaternitypayandenhanceSharedParentalpaytoa levelsimilartotheirenhancedmaternitypay,givingfathersthegenuinechoice oftakingtimeoffaftertheirchildisborn. •• Awiderpubliccampaigntoemphasisetheimportantroleoffathersinmodern familylife,helpingtochangetheideaofwhatitmeanstobea‘gooddad’in societyandencouragemorehands-onmaleparenting. Themefour The gender split
  • 34. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 33 Theme fiveThemefive Engagement and politics 5
  • 35. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 34 Engagement and politics Background Participationiscentraltocitizenshipinademocracy,yet voterturnoutacrossmostEuropeandemocracieshasbeen indeclineforanumberofyears.100 Long-termtrendstowards greatervoterdisconnectioncontinue,butBritishinterestin politicsisundiminished;only17%trustgovernmentsmostof thetime(comparedto38%in1986),but32%saytheyhave “quitealot”or“agreatdeal”ofinterestinpolitics(similarto 29%in1986).101 Patternsofvoterturnoutatthe2015generalelectionremainedrelativelyunchanged, withnosignificantincreaseinturnoutamongyoungpeople.Youngadults(18to 24-year-olds)arealmosthalfaslikelytovoteasthoseaged65,andturnoutremains loweramongtheworkingclasses,renters,andBMEcommunities.102 Youngpeople’s politicalengagementandconfidenceintheirknowledgeaboutpoliticsvaries significantlybysocialclass,withgreaterengagementfromthosewithhigherlevelsof educationandqualifications.103 Whilstlevelsofpoliticalactivity(suchascontactingacouncillororMP,attendinga rally,takingpartinademonstrationorsigningapetition)havefalleninEngland,they haveincreasedinScotland,with60.9%ofpeoplecarryingoutapoliticalactivityin 2013(upfrom54.4%in2009).104 TheScottishindependencereferendumhashada majoreffectonyoungvotes,withmoreteenagersinterestedinpoliticsasaresult ofit.105 Thetopreasonsgivenamongthosewhodidnotvoteinthe2010generalelection were:notbelievingthattheirvotewouldmakeadifference;thinkingthattheparties andcandidatesareallthesame;alackofinterestinpolitics;andnothavingenough informationorknowledgetomakeaninformeddecision.106 Whilerepresentationwithin nationalparliamentsandassembliesisgenerallyseeingimprovements,bothatthe nationalandlocallevelyoungerpeople,womenandethnicminoritiescontinuetobe under-representedacrossBritain.107 100 Sloam,J.(2013)Youngpeoplearelesslikelytovotethanoldercitizens,buttheyarealsomorediverseinhowthey choosetoparticipateinpolitics;LSEblog 101 BSA(2015)Disengagedanddisconnected?Trendsinattitudestowardspolitics:Papersummary:Politics 102 IpsosMORI(2015)HowBritainvotedin2015 103 Henn,M.Foard,N.(2014)Socialdifferentiationinyoungpeople’spoliticalparticipation:theimpactofsocialand educationalfactorsonyouthpoliticalengagementinBritain,JournalofYouthStudies,vol.17:3,p.363-9 104 LevelsofthiskindofactivityinEnglandhavefallenfrom39.1percentin2007/08to30.1percentin2013/14.In:Miletzk, J.Wardrop,H.(2015)PoliticalrepresentationinBritainisbecomingmorediverse;politicalengagementlessso; LSEblog 105 RobertGordonUniversityAberdeen(2015)RGUstudyshedslightonimpactofindyrefonfirsttimevoters,press release30October2015 106 Survation(2013)ApathyintheUK?Alookattheattitudesofnon-voters,blogaccessed19November2015 107 EHRC(2015)IsBritainFairer?Thestateofequalityandhumanrights2015,p.90-91 Theme five 32% saytheyhave“quitealot”or“a greatdeal”ofinterestinpolitics (similarto29%in1986).
  • 36. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 35 Althoughmanyyoungpeoplehavebecomedisenchantedwithmainstreampolitics, theirparticipationinsocialmovements,protestsandonlineactivismdemonstratetheir levelsofsocialconsciousnessandcivicengagement.108 Youngpeopledescribethe importantroleoflearningandeducationinimprovingparticipationindemocraticlife, andseepoliticaleducation–bothformalandnon-formal–asanecessityforfurther participation.109 A reality check 1. Only23%ofpeopleagreethatParliamentencouragespublicinvolvementin politics,comparedto30%overtheprevioustwoyears110 2. Aquarterofpeople(26%)believetheyhaveatleastsomeinfluencelocally, butonly14%feeltheyhaveatleastsomeinfluencenationally111 3. Only9%of14to21-year-oldsagreethatpoliticiansatWestminsterrepresent theviewsofpeopletheirage112 4. Nearlytwo-thirds(65%)followpoliticalnewsonadailybasis113 5. Just49%ofpeoplesaytheywouldbecertaintovoteintheeventofan immediategeneralelection,with11%claimingtobe‘absolutelycertainnot tovote’114 What families tell us They just argue…it gets on my nerves WherefamilieshavebeenconsultedlocallyorseentheirMPorCouncilactively engagingwiththeircommunity,theyspeakveryhighlyofthisexperience.Many, however,expressageneralsenseofdisenchantmentwiththemainstreampolitical process.Theyfeeldisengagedandremotefrompoliticsanddecision-making processes,andthiscanleadthemtofeelpowerlessanddistrustful. Whilstthemajorityofthosewespoketochoosetovote,andarefrustratedbythose whodonot,theyremainunconvincedofthedifferenceitmakes.Whilstbothparents andyoungpeoplehavestrongviewsontheimportanceofengagementandhaving theirvoiceheard,manysharealackoffaithinthepoliticalsystemtorepresentthemin thewaytheywouldlike.Somesaytheyseelittledifferencebetweenpoliticalparties orpoliticiansanddonotreallyunderstandwhattheyarevotingfor. Therhetoricandlanguageinwhichpoliticsisconductedputsoffmanyfamilies,who struggletorelatewhattheyheartalkedaboutbypeopleinpositionsofpowertotheir ownsituationsorseehowthosedecisionsmightaffectthem.Theysaypoliticsseems remotefromtheirlives;theywantissuesexplainedmoreclearlyandforpoliticiansto bemorestraight-talkingtobuildtheirtrust. 108 Loader,B.D.,Vromen,A.Xenos,M.A.(2014)Thenetworkedyoungcitizen:socialmedia,politicalparticipationand civicengagement,Information,CommunicationandSociety,vol.17:2,p.143 109 LSEEnterprise(2013)YouthParticipationinDemocraticLife:EACEA2010/03,p.6 110 HansardSociety(2014)AuditofPoliticalEngagement11,p.5 111 HansardSociety(2014)AuditofPoliticalEngagement11,p.28 112 Barnados,IPSOSMori(2015)HowmuchdoyouknowaboutGeneration‘Selfie’?,p.4 113 NatCenSocialResearch(2015)Politics:Disengagedanddisconnected?Trendsinattitudestowardspolitics,British SocialAttitudes32,p.1 114 HansardSociety(2014)AuditofPoliticalEngagement11,p.39 Theme five Engagement and politics It feels like you’re voting, but who are you voting for? It seems very beige. Stew, parent, Buckinghamshire
  • 37. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 36 Live in the real world, in our shoes Parentstellustheyfeelanxiousand,attimes,despairingabouttheworldthey seearoundthemandthefuturetheyseeaheadofthem.Theywanttobelievethat decisionmakersatboththelocalandnationallevelunderstandtheirlivesand dailychallenges.Theywanttoseeasystemaroundthemthathasgenuine representationoffamilies’viewsandplacesthe“averageworkingfamily”central toitsdecision-making. Parentstellustheydonotfeelthatpoliticiansfacetheday-to-daynormalityof workingfamilies’lives:packinglunchfortheirchildren,doingtheschoolrun,using publictransportorcommuting,havingtocoveralltheirfamilyoutgoingsorlivingin ‘average’housingwithoutenoughspaceorwhererepairsneeddoing.Theyarecritical ofthedisproportionatenumberofpeopleinpositionsofpowerandinfluencefrom privilegedbackgrounds,andwouldliketoseeagreaterproportionofpeopleinthese roleswithawiderrangeofbackgroundsandexperience. Totrulyengagewithcommunitiesfamiliessaytheywouldliketoseepoliticiansonthe ground,withoutpressorpublicity,intheircommunitiesmoreandimmersingthemselves infamilies’lives.Parentssaytheywouldseethisasmoregenuineengagementwith theaverageday-to-daylivesofworkingpeople,andademonstrationofpolitical commitmenttoreallygettotherootoftheproblemsfamiliesfaceandempathise withthem. Thetelevisionprogramme‘SecretMillionaire’wasfrequentlymentionedasa suggestiontobridgethegapbetweenpoliticiansandothers.Familiessawthisasa wayinwhichpeoplewiththeopportunitytomakeachangecangetundertheskin ofaproblem,seeitforwhatitreallyisandfeelitsimpact.Despiteageneralsenseof disenchantmentwiththemainstreampoliticalprocess,wherefamiliesdohavelocal experienceofbeingconsultedlocallyorseeingtheirMPorCouncilactivelyengaging withtheircommunity,theyspeakveryhighlyofthis. Listen to real people Aswellasseeingpoliticiansmoreactivelyengagedintheircommunities,families saytheywanttofeelmoreinvolvedandheardthroughconsultationandinvolvement inareasthataffectthem.Theywantdecision-makerstolistentofamiliesandseek advicefromthegrassrootsonamoreregularbasis. Parentswouldlikelocalandnationaldecision-makerstoseekawiderrangeof informationthatbuildsaricherpictureoffamilylifetoinformtheirevidencebase.As wellasengagingmoreextensivelywithfamiliesthemselves,theysuggestgathering morefirst-handinformationfromthoseworkingfront-lineintheircommunities.They saylocalservices,charities,faithgroupsandindependentadvocates,whooftenhave themostrelevantandup-to-the-minuteawarenessoftheproblemsfamiliesarefacing, shouldbemoreinvolvedinhelpinglocalandnationalgovernmentfindsolutions. Somefamiliesareactivelyinvolvedinsupportingandenablingtheirlocal communities,forexamplethroughvolunteering,communityorganisingorinformal socialaction,butdonotalwaysfeeltheiractionsorexpertiseistakenaccountofby thosewithpowerandinfluenceintheirlocalareas.Ratherthanimposingchangefrom thetop-down,familieswouldlikedecision-makerstolistentowhatcommunitiesneed andcreateabetterbalancethatalsoenableschangethatcomesfromthegrassroots. Theme five Engagement and politics [The Prime Minister] should try and live like we do and then he’d see how hard it is just to live. Just how we live. The house and everything. And the money. Even try living on the money that we’ve got. Molly, 17, Wigan More surveys into real family life covering all walks of life. Ask schools what issues are constantly appearing. Shannon*, parent, London Local councils to get out into their community and ask people what their needs are and what is important to use. This will then feed up. Ashley*, parent, East Midlands
  • 38. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 37 None of them relate to us as young people Youngpeopleinparticularsaytheyfindithardtohavetheirvoicesheard,donotfeel thattheiropinioncountsandwantmoreopportunitiestobeengagedandeducated. Theycanfeeloverlookedbydecisionmakersandthinkthattheirpointofviewis undervaluedbysocietyasawhole.Thosewhodonotwatchthenews,whoseparents arenotinterestedinpoliticsorwhodonothearmuchaboutcurrentaffairsinschool feelparticularlydistantanddisempowered,andwhattheydoseeofmainstream politicsisnoteasilyrelatabletothem. Generationaldifferencesmeanyoungpeopletodayhaveverydifferentexperiences ofgrowingupcomparedtotheirparents’andpoliticians’generations.Asaresult, youngpeoplebelieveadultscanbetoodistantfromaproblemaffectingyounger generationstoknowhowtofindtheappropriateanswer.Whendecisionsaremade thatwillaffectthem,youngpeoplewanttohaveasayandbeinvolvedinfinding solutionstotheproblemasactiveandequalparticipants. We need to learn more about it Toimprovetheirpoliticalengagementandvotingrates,youngpeoplesaytheir generationneedstobeeducatedaboutpoliticsandengagedwiththesubjectfrom ayoungerage.Someyoungpeoplenotedhowhighprofilethegeneralelection andScottishindependencereferendumwereintheirschools,collegesandon socialmedia,andhowmuchthishadhelpedthemandtheirpeersengagewiththe subjectandbecomeinformedandempoweredasaresult.Aftertheexcitementof theseparticulareventsdieddown,however,theysaidfewattemptshadbeenmade toengagetheminfurtherdiscussionoreducation,whichtheyfeltwasamissed opportunity. Youngpeoplewantengagementthatismeaningful,notjustpayinglipservicetothe processoflisteningtoyoungpeople,whichtheycanseerightthrough.Thosewhoare involvedinyouthforumsorcouncilstalkaboutthevalueofthiskindofparticipation, howtheyhavelearnedmoreaboutdecision-makingprocessesandhowtheir confidencehasgrowntoexpressthemselvesbecauseofit. Theyoungpeoplewespoketosaidtheywouldliketoseepoliticiansinteractmore withtheirlocalschoolstohelpyoungpeopleunderstandthepoliticalsystem, suggestedthatpoliticsbeintegratedandtaughtacrossrelevantsubjects,andthat schoolsseizewideropportunitiestoengagewithandrespondtocurrentaffairsto increaseyoungpeople’sawareness. Theme five Engagement and politics They don’t care about young people’s needs. They care about older people because they vote. They should care about us because we’re the voters of the future. Alex, 17, South London If they made it clearer to understand, I would vote. Educate us more about it, then we might. We need to learn about it. Kyron, 16, South London
  • 39. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 38 A way forward Whilstconsiderablelocalengagementtakesplaceinmanyareas,withpoliticians andcouncilsregularlyoutinthecommunitiestheyrepresent,clearlymany parentsandyoungpeopledonotfeelwellrepresentedontheissuesthataffect them. Familieswanttofeelclosertoandmoreinvolvedindecisionsaffectingthem.It isimportantthatamoderngovernment,bothlocalandnational,makesgreater effortstoinvolvefamiliestoensurethebestdecisionsarebeingmadeand familiesareempoweredtohaveasay.Thisisparticularlyrelevantatatimewhen devolutionishighontheagenda. Despitefallingratesofmainstreampoliticalparticipationamongstyounger peopleinparticular,thereisclearlypotentialtoincreasetheirengagementinthe politicalprocessbyharnessingtheirenthusiasmtolearnmoreaboutpoliticsand currentaffairs,andtheirwiderengagementwithsocialissues. •• Forschoolstoprovideyoungpeoplewitharangeofconsistentopportunitiesto learnmoreaboutpoliticsbeyondthecurriculum,includingtheprocessbywhich decisionsaremadeandchangecanhappen Youngpeoplesuggestthatinadditiontoteachingpoliticsacrossrelevant subjectareas(e.g.History,EnglishandCitizenship)thereshouldbeconsistent classtimetodiscusscurrentpoliticalissuesandmorechannelsthroughwhich youngpeoplecanhavevoicesheard. •• Localandnationaldecisionmakerstoprovidegreaterawarenessofhow familiescanengagelocallywithissuestheyfeelstronglyabout Theme five Engagement and politics
  • 40. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 39 Themesix Helping families help themselves 6
  • 41. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 40 Helping families help themselves Background Strong,goodqualityrelationshipswithpartners,familiesand friendsbringhappiness,healthbenefits,andaretheassets thatcanimproveoutcomesforfamiliesandsavemoneyin thelongterm.115 Feelingasenseofbelongingtofamily,school, workplaceandcommunity,aswellasagoodnetworkof supportiverelationships,canprotectmentalhealth.116 Conflictbetweenparentscanahaveseriousandpotentiallydamagingeffecton childrenofallages,includingbabies,andtherelationshipbetweenparentscan serveasamodelfortheexpectationschildrenhaveofotherrelationships.117 Adult relationshipcounselinghasbeenfoundtosignificantlyimproverelationshipquality, communicationandwellbeing,aswellasbringingsignificantsavingstothepublic pursebyaccruing£11.40inbenefitsforevery£1invested.118 Strongsocialandemotionalfoundationsinthefirstthreeyearsofachild’slife,inlarge partestablishedbythequalityofparenting,arearguablythebiggestdeterminantsof positiveoutcomesthroughoutthelifecourse.119 Preventingtheemergenceofproblems ratherthantacklingtheirconsequenceshasthepotentialtoimprovesocialoutcomes, reducecoststothestateandofferfurtherprospectsforgrowth,120 yetnearly£17billion peryearisspentbythestateonshort-runlateinterventioninEnglandandWales.121 Whilstmuchoftheattentiongiventoparentingfocusesontheearlyyears,ensuring healthyfamilyrelationshipsaschildrengetolderisalsoimportant.Parentswho aresatisfiedwiththeamountoftimetheyspendwiththeirchildren,andwhoknow whatisgoingonintheirteenagers’lives,aremorelikelytobeconfidentintheir parentingskills.122 Whilsttherehasbeenwelcomeinvestmentinsomeareasofsupport,suchas childcare,mentalhealthandtheTroubledFamiliesprogramme,manyofthesupport systemsfamiliesrelyonareexperiencingextremelychallengingcircumstances.123 Realspendingperchildonearlyeducation,childcareandSureStartservicesfellby aquarterbetween2009-10and2012-13andtax-benefitreformsduringthistimehit familieswithchildrenunderfiveharderthananyotherhouseholdtype.124 115 RelateNPC(2015)TheBestMedicine,Theimportanceofrelationshipsforhealthandwellbeing,p.2-3 116 Natcen(2012)Familywellbeing:measuringwhatmattersIdentifyingandvalidatingdomains,p.22-24 117 TavistockCentreforCoupleRelations:Theimpactofcoupleconflictonchildren,policybriefingaccessedat20 November2015 118 DepartmentforEducation(2014)RelationshipSupportInterventionsEvaluation,p.15 119 NewPhilanthropy(2012)Preventionandearlyintervention:ScopingstudyfortheBigLotteryFund,p.2 120 CommunityLinks(2011)TheTripleDividend:Thrivinglives.Costingless.Contributingmore.Thefirstreportofthe EarlyActionTaskForce 121 Thelargestcostsrelatingtochildrenwhoaretakenintocare,theconsequencesofdomesticviolence,andwelfare benefitsfor18to24-year-oldswhoarenotineducation,employmentortraining(NEET).From:EarlyIntervention Foundation(2015)SpendingonLateIntervention:Howwecandobetterforless,p.4 122 Relate(2014)ConfidentParenting:Exploringthedistributionofconfidenceinparentingskillsamongparentsof teenagersinEngland,p.1 123 JRF(2015)Thecostofthecuts:theimpactonlocalgovernmentandpoorercommunities 124 Lupton,R.etal(2015)TheCoalition’sSocialPolicyRecord2010-2015:Socialpolicyinacoldclimate;Summary ResearchReport4 Themesix £17bn Nearly£17billionperyearis spentbythestateonshort-run lateinterventioninEngland andWales
  • 42. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 41 Forfamiliesinmorechallengingcircumstanceswhoneedadditionalhelp,awhole- familyapproachcanbecritical.Successfulinterventionsconsiderthefamilyasaunit, focusonpositiveinterdependencyandsupportiverelationships,andtakethefamily’s resilienceandsocialcapitalasthefoundationsforachievingpositiveoutcomes.125 The lengthoftimeoverwhichfamilyinterventiontakesplaceisalsoimportant,withmore successfuloutcomesassociatedwithlongerdurationofinterventionandthosenot followedupwithaftertheinterventiontendingtoachievelesssuccessfuloutcomes.126 Factorscriticaltoeffectivefamilyinterventionincludehavingaworkerdedicatedtoa wholefamily,consideringthefamilyasawholeandacommonpurposebetweenall agenciesinvolved.127 Toensurebestoutcomesservicesandprofessionalsmustmeettheneedsandbe inclusiveofallfamilies,yetevidencesuggeststhisisnotalwaysthecase.Studies showthevaryingexperienceofhealthcareintheUKbylesbianparents,128 for example,andevidencefromScotlandsuggeststhatoneinsix(16%)lesbian,gay, bisexualandtransgender(LGBT)peoplehadexperiencedpoortreatmentbecauseof theirsexualorientationorgenderidentitywhenaccessingapublicservice.129 Kinship carers,suchasgrandparents,canstruggletogethelp,with68%ofcarerssayingthey didnotreceivethesupporttheneededfromsocialserviceswhenraisingchildren duetoparentalsubstanceuse.130 Thefearofbeingjudged,overlookedorbelittled byhealthprofessionalscanputyoungmothersandyoungfathersoffaccessing maternitycare.131 A reality check 1. Theannualcostoffamilybreakdownhasbeenestimatedtobebetween£46 and£49billion132 2. Afifthofparentslosesleepworryingabouttheirrelationshipwiththeirpartner133 3. Thecostofapart-time(25hours)nurseryplaceforachildundertwoisnow £6,003peryear,a5.1%increasesince2014134 4. Itcoststhreetimesmoretoraiseadisabledchild;83%offamilieswithdisabled childrensaytheyaregoingwithouteverydayessentialsduetoextracosts relatingtotheirchild’sdisabilityorhealthcondition135 5. Perinatalmentalhealthproblemscostmorethan£8billionayeartotheUK economy,nearlythreequartersofwhichrelatestoadverseimpactsonthe childratherthanthemother136 125 NationalQualityImprovementNetwork(2010)Principlesforengagingwithfamilies:Aframeworkforlocalauthorities andnationalorganisationstoevaluateandimproveengagementwithfamilies,NCB 126 DepartmentforEducation(2011)Monitoringandevaluationoffamilyinterventionservicesandprojectsbetween February2007andMarch2011:ResearchReportDFE-RR174,p.5-8 127 DCLG(2012)WorkingwithTroubledFamilies:Aguidetotheevidenceandgoodpractice,p.15 128 Dibley,L(2009)‘ExperiencesoflesbianparentsintheUK:interactionswithmidwives’,inEvidenceBasedMidwifery: September2009 129 Timeperiodwithinthelastthreeyears.From:StonewallScotland(2014)YourServicesYourSay:LGBTpeople’s experiencesofpublicservicesinScotland,p.4 130 Adfam(2011)Workingwithgrandparentsraisingtheirgrandchildrenduetoparentalsubstanceuse:Learningfrom Adfam’sGrandparentCarersProject,p.4 131 DepartmentofHealth,PublicHealthEnglandRoyalCollegeofMidwives(2008)Gettingmaternityservicesrightfor pregnantteenagersandyoungfathers,p.5 132 CentreforSocialJustice(2013)FracturedFamilies:Whystabilitymatters,p.13 133 4Children(2016)Nationallyrepresentativepollingof1,922parentsofchildren18andunderconductedbyYouGovPlc 134 FamilyandChildcareTrust(2015)ChildcareCostsSurvey2015,p.3 135 ContactaFamily(2014)CountingtheCosts2014,p.49 136 CentreforMentalHealthandLondonSchoolofEconomics(2014)Thecostsofperinatalmentalhealthproblems,p.3 Themesix Helping families help themselves
  • 43. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 42 What families tell us You’ve not got a family without each other AcrossBritain,familiestellusthattheyareeachother’smainsourcesofsupport.Both closeandextendedfamilymemberslove,supportandencourageeachother,and turntooneanotherwhentimesarehard.Beyondthemarewidernetworksofpeople –friends,colleagues,andneighbours–whoallplaytheirpartincreatingthesocial glueandbuildingthesafetynetsthatkeepthemsafeandsecure.Thevastmajorityof familiessaytheyprefertoturntooneanotherwhentheyneedashouldertoleanon, orintimeofcrisis,beforetheylookoutsidetheirexistingsupportnetworksforhelp. Despitehowfundamentalfamilymembersaretokeepingfamilybondsstrongand united,manyfacechallengesinsustainingthese.Thestressofdailylife,maintaining financialsecurity,makingundistractedqualitytimeforoneanotherandbalancingthe needsofeveryoneinthehousehold,includingthosewithadditionalneeds,canput familiesunderimmensepressure. Communityhaschangedandfamilieshavechanged.Womentendtobehaving childrenlater,numbersofstep-familiesandmulti-generationalfamiliesliving underoneroofhaveincreased,andmoreyoungadultseitherstayorreturnto liveathomewiththeirparents.Familiesnolongeralwayslivinggeographically closetooneanotherandtherehavebeencaringresponsibilitiesforthoseofthe ‘sandwichgeneration’whoarecaringforolderfamilymembersaswellaschildrenor grandchildren.Familiescanfeeltheyarebeingforcedapartduetotheincreasingcost ofhousingandtheavailabilityofsuitablelocalemployment,andtheycanstruggleto maintaintheirsupportnetworks.Parentswithyoungchildreninparticularstresshow importantitcanbetohavefamilynearbytohelpwithchildcare,andhowchallengingit iswhentheyareontheirownorcutofffromothers. Support is vital – for everyone Familiesdescribehowinterconnectedtheirhappinessandwellbeingcanbe.Parents highlighthowimportanttheirownwellbeingandmentalhealthistotheirchildren’s wellbeing,withmothersinparticularhighlightingtheconnectionbetweenthetwo.In turn,parent’shappinesscanbedependentontheirchildren’shappiness,development andprogress.Childrensaythatwhentheyarewellsupportedbytheirparents’they feelsafe,loved,andconfidentandareabletodowellatschool. Familiescansufferwithoutthesupporttheyneed,andsaythatwhenthishappens difficultsituationscanbecomemuchworse,leadingtorelationshipbreakdown, mentalhealthproblems,childrenfailingatschoolandsocialisolationthatcanmake parentingmuchmorechallenging.Familiescanfindithardtoknowwhotoaskforhelp orwhattoaskforhelpfor. Parentsareconcernedaboutlimitedresources,servicesandinfrastructurestruggling tomeeteveryfamily’sneedsintheircommunities.Theyseevitalfamilysupport sufferingorbeingcutawayandperceivealackofappropriatefuturevisionfrom Governmenttoaddresstheseproblems.Theyareworriedaboutareductioninstate supportforthoseinneedandworrywhatthismightmeanfortheirownfamily.Many feelthereisnosupportsystemavailabletothem,eithernoworintheeventofacrisis, andwhatisavailableisnotconvenientforthemtoaccess–duetoopeninghoursand deliverystylesthatdonotfitaroundworkinglife. We’re suffering. We have to live far from family and everyone is moving away from their family, miles away, where they haven’t got any family support. Nadine*, parent, East London Themesix Helping families help themselves
  • 44. Britain’s Families: Thriving or Surviving? 43 Whenfamiliesneedhelp,itcanbeforbothpracticalandemotionalreasons,witheach beingofequalimportancetoensuresuccessfulfamilyfunctioning.Additionally,there areanumberofareaswherefamiliessaytheywouldwelcomefurthersupport. Logistics of childcare are difficult and stressful Parentsareparticularlyconcernedaboutthepracticallimitationsofalackof affordableoraccessiblechildcarethatmatchesthepatternoftheirworkweek.The availabilityofchildcarearoundlongworkdaysorirregularshiftpatternsmakesfinding asolutionthatfitstheirneedssometimesimpossible,andfindingplacesforanumber ofchildrenofdifferentages,orforchildrenwithdisabilities,posesadditionalproblems. Forsome,thecostofchildcaremeansthatitmakeslittlefinancialsensetowork, leavingparentstomakethedifficultdecisionaboutwhetherornottoreturntoorfind workafterhavingchildren.Whilstparentswelcomeexistingandfuturefreechildcare places,theytellusthegapbetweentheendofmaternityorsharedparentalleave andtheirchild’sfreeentitlementatagetwoorthree,aswellasthechallengeofschool holidaycareandout-of-hoursprovision,remainsasubstantialproblem. You’ve got to fight, fight, fight all the time Parentsofchildrenwithdisabilitiesfaceparticularchallengesandcanstruggleboth emotionallyandfinancially.Theytellusabouttheconstantbattlestheyfacetogetthe supporttheyneedfortheirchildren,beingthemainpointofcontactbetweenallthe differentservicesinvolvedintheirchild’slife,thedropoffinsupportwhentheirchildren getolder,andhowisolatedandsociallymarginalisedtheycanfeelasparentsof childrenwithdisabilities.Siblingsinthesefamilieswerealsooftenimpacted,havinga knockoneffectonthewholefamily’swellbeinginmorechallengingtimes. Singleparentstellusaboutthechallengestheyfaceraisingchildrenontheirown, beingconstantlystressedabouthowtodealwiththefinancialstrainofmanaginga familybudgetononeincomewhilestrivingtobeagoodrolemodelfortheirchildren. Theysaytheyfacestigmaandsocialmarginalisation,particularlysingleparent fatherswhocanfeelisolatedinsingleparentsupportnetworksastheonlydadand viewedsuspiciouslybysociety.Singleparentsareparticularlytime-poorandface additionallimitationstoaccesssupportservicesaroundthem. Becomingamotherforthefirsttimecanleavemanywomenalsofeelingisolatedand strugglingtocope,andanumbertoldusabouthelptheyhadreceivedduringthistime beinglikea“lifeline”.Manyparentshighlighttheroleoftheirchildren’scentreingiving themaplacetogowhere“youdon’tfeellikeyouhavetobesupermum”.Theytoldus thatthisreducedtheirfeelingsofstressandoverwhelmingresponsibility,whichinturn canimprovetheirrelationshipwithboththeirpartnerandchild. Womenwhohadleftabusiverelationshipswiththeirchildrentoldushowmuchthey valuedthecareandsupporttheyreceivedfromtheirchildren’scentreandthestaff there,sayingthisplayedalargeroleinincreasingtheirconfidenceandwideningtheir supportnetworks. Connectionwithandsupportfromotheradults,whetherpeersortrusted professionals,canbevitalforparentswhoarestrugglinginwhatcanbeotherwise isolatingexperiences.Parentstellustheyvaluepeoplecheckinginonthem,seeing howtheyaredoingandgivingthemasoundingboardtocheckwhethertheyare Themesix Helping families help themselves There’s no safety nets for our children, except parents, and there’s no safety net for us either. Safia*, parent, South East Nobody ever asks about how you are. It’s all about the baby. No one ever asks about you or how you’re coping. It’s like you don’t exist, you’re a carer. Kayleigh*, parent, Hampshire It takes a village to raise a child – we come to the Children’s Centre because we don’t have the village” Megan*, parent, Wiltshire