Are kangaroos the spawn of the devil
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The document suggests that kangaroos may be agents of evil based on the recent discovery that they are predominantly left-handed. It argues that since left-handedness is associated with evil in the Bible and folklore, kangaroos' left-handedness means they cannot be trusted. It also puts forth a conspiracy theory that Russia has been meddling with Australian kangaroo populations in retaliation for economic sanctions, and that left-handed American presidents are further evidence of the devil's influence.
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1) The document criticizes the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC) and its Managing Director Mark Scott. It argues that the ABC receives government funding yet promotes a left-wing bias in its reporting.
2) It points to comments made by the Russian ambassador supporting the idea that the ABC's unfavorable coverage of the Australian government's asylum policies contributed to funding cuts. However, the ABC failed to report on these comments.
3) The document sarcastically argues that the ABC, under Mark Scott's leadership, has failed to live up to its claims of being balanced, principled, and providing value for taxpayers' money given its low ratings and perceived left-wing bias.
Writing memoirs
This document provides tips for writing political memoirs. It suggests ex-politicians get started early to capitalize on interest while memories are fresh. Memoirs by high-profile figures like ex-PMs will likely find larger audiences. However, the document cautions against self-justification and attempts to rewrite history. Instead, it advises including revealing anecdotes and stories that show unsparing honesty and transparency rather than trying to appear central to all successes. Boring genealogical details or policy submissions should be avoided in favor of more sensational revelations.
Wood you do it to me
Emma has found love with a poplar tree named Tim. She cares for him and claims they have a genuine emotional and sexual connection, saying he fulfills her needs better than any human partner. While unconventional, their relationship is described in some detail, including Emma's acts of intimacy with Tim's bark. The article also briefly discusses the condition of dendrophilia and past cases of sexual acts with trees.
Valentine
1) The document discusses Valentine's Day and the author's mixed views on it as both a single and partnered person.
2) It provides background on Saint Valentine who was martyred for secretly marrying Christian couples against the Roman emperor's orders.
3) The author mocks the holiday when single but also takes advantage of it to appear busy with romantic plans when in fact staying home alone.
With love from Lagos
Russell received an email from a woman in Nigeria claiming to be a widow who selected him to receive $30 million Australian dollars from her late husband's estate. All he needs to do is provide his bank account details. Russell believes the money will soon be transferred and is excited to pay off his fiancée's medical bills. However, he is worried because the Australian Taxation Office is threatening fines or jail time for those who do not declare offshore money. Russell insists he has done nothing wrong as a sincere, honest Christian.
What to buy for Christmas gifts
1) The document discusses potential unusual Christmas gift ideas by referencing past winners of the Diagram Prize for the oddest book title from the Frankfurt Book Fair.
2) It mentions several past winners, including books about nude mice, avoiding large ships, the history of concrete, and toilet etiquette for dates.
3) The author suggests buying multiple copies of past winners to give as gifts, addressing the risk that recipients may already own the books.
What really happened at Waterloo
The article discusses a planned reenactment of the Battle of Waterloo where French lawyers intend to rewrite history by having Napoleon emerge as the victor. They claim Napoleon actually won at Waterloo based on his historical importance, despite clear evidence that the Duke of Wellington commanded the allied army to defeat Napoleon. The article goes on to sarcastically suggest other historical battles the French could pretend to have won, noting France's few actual military victories. It concludes by questioning whether "lost" may have a different meaning when translated from French.
Unwanted gifts
Unwanted gifts present a dilemma of what to do with them. Some options include hiding them in an "unwanted presents cupboard" until the givers visit, as the author's mother did, then displaying them prominently. Over time, these unwanted gifts from past decades have become nostalgic curiosities. Another option is re-gifting, selling unwanted gifts online, donating to charity, or throwing away. The author sometimes gives inappropriate gifts when in a mood, such as alcohol to a recovering alcoholic, and cites examples of humorously inappropriate gifts from comedians. A post-Christmas survey found many Australians receive unwanted gifts each year, and over half have re-gifted or stored unwanted gifts away
Trying to save our beer
Climate change is threatening beer production, as rising temperatures and weather extremes could negatively impact barley crops and lower the quality of malt. The "Save the Ales" campaign, which is running as part of Earth Hour, aims to raise awareness of this issue and encourage Australians to celebrate Earth Hour by drinking local beer. However, the author notes that claims about climate change's effects on crops use uncertain language like "could affect". The author also jokes that their nightly drinking helps the campaign's goals.
Toilet talk
Dr. Kathleen Smith and her team studied biosolids, or treated sewage sludge, and found that it contains valuable metals like gold, silver, and platinum. These metals end up in biosolids after passing through people and entering wastewater treatment plants. Dr. Smith's ultimate goal is to recover these metals from biosolids to both generate revenue and allow for more biosolids to be used as fertilizer. Her research found gold levels equivalent to minimal mineral deposits, showing there is potential for commercial mining from biosolids.
Timely warnings about climate change
This document summarizes articles from Newsweek and Time magazines from the 1970s that warned of imminent global cooling and the onset of a new ice age. The articles cited scientific consensus at the time that the Earth's climate was cooling, which would lead to catastrophic famines, droughts, and other extreme weather events. National science boards in the US issued similar warnings in the 1970s. However, the document notes that in 2006, Newsweek issued a correction saying their 1975 article on global cooling had been "spectacularly wrong." The document suggests the theory of global cooling may be making a comeback, and questions whether current warnings of global warming are also misguided.
This won
1) The document discusses the author's fear of dentists (odontophobia) from childhood experiences with sadistic dentists.
2) One dentist the author saw as a child was a former prisoner of war who seemed to take out his frustrations from the war on his patients through unnecessary treatments.
3) Another dentist the author discusses had an unsettling sense of humor and importance, quoting bible verses about opening one's mouth on his waiting room wall.
Thinking about the tele
The document discusses the author's consideration of getting cable television as a senior citizen. It summarizes that the author is often lonely during the day while their partner is at work, and cable TV could help fill time. However, the author believes in thorough research before making decisions and discusses some research they read about TV habits of older age groups. The author muses about joining the "younger old" demographic in increasingly watching daytime TV to conform with research findings. In the end, the author says they need to do more research on cable TV options before deciding, but it is now time for a comedy show and sherry.
There is nothing like a dame
Dame Vivienne Westwood, a British fashion designer and entrepreneur, faced criticism from the British media for comments suggesting poor people should "eat less" if they cannot afford organic food. When interviewed about genetically modified crops, she stated poor people should eat less in response to being told not everyone can afford organic food. Later, she said she was upset anyone would think she does not care about starving people, though her lavish lifestyle and public comments often contradict her stances. Westwood lives in an expensive home in London and believes food and clothes should cost more, despite her own products being priced well above what most could afford.
There are birds
This document discusses two unusual bird-related incidents: Vietnamese police arresting 16 pigeons suspected of being Chinese spies, and researchers getting finches drunk to study the effects on their songs. The pigeons were cleared after an investigation found they were racing birds that had landed in Vietnam by accident. The researchers found that drunk finches sang quieter and less organized songs, with some syllables being slurred more than others.
The third sex
1. The document discusses transgender issues in Australia and India, focusing on prominent transgender individuals who have achieved success despite facing discrimination.
2. It profiles Group Captain Catherine McGregor, formerly known as Malcolm McGregor, who came out as transgender while serving in the Australian military and was supported in her career transition.
3. It also mentions Madhu Kinnar, a transgender woman in India who was elected mayor, making history as the first transgender person to win such a political position despite coming from a marginalized Dalit background.
The Second Coming
The document discusses a man named Brian Leonard Golightly Marshall from Toogoom, Queensland, Australia who claims to be the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. It provides evidence for this claim, such as that he looks like the image on the Shroud of Turin and that a letter from the former Pope Benedict praised him and called him the Messiah. It also notes that Brian established "Miracle Water" that can provide cures, and that the author plans to visit Toogoom to obtain some after confirming they can get a Medicare rebate for it.
The rising cost of living
1) The document discusses the rising cost of living and financial struggles, even for those considered well-off such as a Supreme Court judge in Queensland, Justice John Byrne.
2) Justice Byrne is challenging his late mother's will that left most of her $17 million estate to a veterinary hospital rather than him and his brother.
3) Though Justice Byrne earns $381,691 annually as a judge, he claims his expenses are at least $118,200 per year, leaving him with little savings and motivating him to seek more from his mother's estate for a comfortable retirement.
More from Russell Grenning (20)
Are kangaroos the spawn of the devil
- 1. Are kangaroos the spawn of the devil? Russell Grenning Maybe itis abouttime we all had a goodlongthinkaboutkangaroos. Almostsince DayOne of EuropeancontactwithAustralia – CaptainCooktooka specimenbackto the UK withhimin1771 - the kangaroohas been,touse that trendyword “embedded”,inour popularculture. Beginningwiththe NationalCoatof Arms,the kangaroois featuredasa logo,emblemormascotfor everythingfromQantas,the RAAF,coinsandsportingteamsandhasbeenfeaturedinsongs,poems, architecture andart. There are aboutfortymillionkangaroosinAustraliaandwhile Caucasianshave beenobservingthem for more than twocenturiesandAboriginalsforaboutfortythousandyears,itisonlyrecentlythat the discoveryhasbeenmade thattheyare left-handed–well,left-pawedanyhow. Talk aboutdiscoveringwhatshouldhave beenthe blindingbloodyobviousand,to addinsultto injury,thisdiscoverywasmade bya bloodyRussian –Associate ProfessorYegorMalashichev,a zoologistatSaintPetersburgState University. I wouldhave thoughtthatMother Russiahadmore thanenoughto provide richfieldsof studyfor zoologistsbut,noitseems.ProfessorMalashichevandhisteamcame all the wayto Tasmaniato have whathas obviouslybeenamuchcloserlookatour national iconthan anybodyelse wholives here everbotheredtohave. “Handedness” isthe term usedtodescribe apopulation-wide trendinwhichthe majorityof individualspreferone handoverthe otherformosttasks. While abouttenpercentof humansare left-handed, itwasthoughtsuch “handedness”–withthe huge majoritybeingright-handed- was unique tohumans. “What wesee in kangaroosisthesamestrength of handednessweseein humansbutthedirection of this handednessisoppositeto humans.They usetheir left forelimb to wipe their snout,orcollect food and so on,”the good professorexplained. ProfessorMalashichevbelieves –andwhocan denyhim? – that since ourbipedal marsupialsstand on twofeetlike we do,thiscouldexplainwhytheyhave developed “truehandedness.” Nowthat the scaleshave beenliftedfromoureyesaboutthe goodoldkanga,we can now only begintoappreciate whatcunningandsubversive animalstheyare.Frankly,we have beenseduced intothinkingthattheyare nice whenthe exactopposite istrue. Bible scholarswill tell youthatthose whoare left-handedare tobe avoidedbyall right-thinking(and righteverythingelse) Christians. Justthinkof the parable of the sheepandthe goats – the sheepare on Christ’srighthandand the goats onthe leftanditis the sheepthatinheritthe Kingdomof God while those onthe leftdepartintoeverlastingfire. Nodoubt,the kangasgoto hell also.
- 2. It wouldnotsurprise me if itwas revealedthatthisRussianmeddlingwithourkangaroopopulation isa directresultof theiron-again,off-againandbackon-againbanonkangaroo meatimports – imposedbytheirPresidentPutininretaliationoverbansimposedbecause of Moscow’ssupportof rebelsinUkraine.Before thisban,the trade wasworth$120 millionayearto Australia. OnlylastSeptember,aBrisbane meat processingcompanytoldthe Kremlintohopoff withits kangaroomeat bans.Theyjustweren’tworththe trouble,the ficklebastards. The devil isleft-handedandevilspiritslurkoverthe leftshoulderwhichisprovenbythe factthat careful folkthrow spilledsaltovertheirleftshoulderstowardthemoff and itis the righthand that givesthe blessingandmakesthe signof the cross. I can do no betterthanquote Psalm118 verses15 and 16: “The righthand of the Lord doeth valiantly,the righthand of the lord is exalted.”If it’sgood enoughforthe Lord, thenitis good enoughforme.In any case,I have enoughtoworry aboutwhenI getto the PearlyGatesthan being left-handed. I’mno conspiracytheoristbutconsiderthis:There have beeneightleft-handedAmericanPresidents. The country got alongjustfine with19 right-handedleadersuntilJamesGarfieldcame alongin1881 and thisfirstleft-handedPresidentservedonlysix monthsbeforesuccumbingtoan assassin’sbullet. The forcesof darknesshave consolidatedtheirgriponWashingtonwithfive outthe lastseven presidentsleft-handed–GeraldFord,RonaldRegan,George H W Bush, Bill ClintonandBarack Obama.To his credit,Reaganwhowasborn left-handedvaliantlyfoughtthe devil andlearnedto write right-handed. Andalsothinkof this – EnglanddefeatedAustraliainthe 5th testin1902 at The Oval by one wicket and the match endedon13 August.Significantly –andthiscouldnot be a coincidence – International Left-HandedDayis,yes,August13 justto rub that defeatinourfaces. It’snot too late to wake upto the enemywithin –yes,thatagent of evil,the kangaroo.