Advanced Negotiation Communication & Presentation Skills

Negotiating Skills
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What is Negotiation?
• Negotiation is a method by which people settle differences. It is
a process by which compromise or agreement is reached while
avoiding argument.
• In any disagreement, individuals understandably aim to achieve
the best possible outcome for their position (or perhaps an
organization they represent).
• However, the principles of fairness, seeking mutual benefit and
maintaining a relationship are the keys to a successful outcome.

What is Negotiation?
Specific forms of negotiation are used in many situations:
international affairs, the legal system, government, industrial
disputes or domestic relationships as examples.
However, general negotiation skills can be learned and applied
in a wide range of activities. Negotiation skills can be of great
benefit in resolving any differences that arise between you and
others.

Why Negotiate?
It is inevitable that, from time-to-time, conflict and
disagreement will arise as the differing needs, wants, aims and
beliefs of people are brought together. Without negotiation,
such conflicts may lead to argument and resentment resulting in
one or all of the parties feeling dissatisfied.
The point of negotiation is to try to reach agreements
without causing future barriers to communications.

Stages of Negotiation
In order to achieve a desirable outcome, it may be useful to
follow a structured approach to negotiation. For example, in a
work situation a meeting may need to be arranged in which all
parties involved can come together. The process of negotiation
includes the following stages:
1. Preparation.
2. Discussion.
3. Clarification of goals.
4. Negotiation towards a WIN-WIN situation.
5. Agreement.
6. Implementation of a course of action.

Facts About Negotiation

Approaches to Negotiation
Negotiation typically manifests itself with a trained
negotiator acting on behalf of a particular organization or
position. It can be compared to mediation where a neutral third
party listens to each side's arguments and attempts to help craft
an agreement between the parties. It is also related
to arbitration which, as with a legal proceeding, both sides make
an argument as to the merits of their "case" and then the
arbitrator decides the outcome for both parties.
There are two opposite types of negotiation: Integrative and
Distributive.

Distributive Negotiation
The term distributive means; there is a giving out; or the
scattering of things. By its mere nature, there is a limit or finite
amount in the thing being distributed or divided amongst the
people involved. Hence, this type of negotiation is often referred
to as 'The Fixed Pie'. There is only so much to go around, but the
proportion to be distributed is limited but also variable.
A distributive negotiation usually involves people who have
never had a previous interactive relationship, nor are they likely
to do so again in the near future. Simple everyday examples
would be buying a car or a house.

Integrative Negotiation
 The word integrative means to join several parts into a whole.
Conceptually, this implies some cooperation, or a joining of
forces to achieve something together. Usually involves a higher
degree of trust and a forming of a relationship. Both parties
want to walk away feeling they've achieved something which
has value by getting what each wants. Ideally, it is a twofold
process.
 Integrative negotiation process generally involves some form or
combination of making value for value concessions, in
conjunction with creative problem solving. Generally, this form
of negotiation is looking down the road, to them forming a long
term relationship to create mutual gain. It is often described as
the win-win scenario.

 There are many different ways to segment negotiation to gain a greater
understanding of the essential parts. One view of negotiation involves three
basic elements: process, behavior and substance. The process refers to how the
parties negotiate: the context of the negotiations, the parties to the
negotiations, the tactics used by the parties, and the sequence and stages in
which all of these play out. Behavior refers to the relationships among these
parties, the communication between them and the styles they adopt. The
substance refers to what the parties negotiate over: the agenda, the issues
(positions and - more helpfully - interests), the options, and the agreement(s)
reached at the end.
 Another view of negotiation comprises 4 elements: strategy, process and tools,
and tactics. Strategy comprises the top level goals - typically including
relationship and the final outcome. Processes and tools include the steps that
will be followed and the roles taken in both preparing for and negotiating with
the other parties. Tactics include more detailed statements and actions and
responses to others' statements and actions. Some add to this persuasion and
influence, asserting that these have become integral to modern day
negotiation success, and so should not be omitted.

The Advocate's Approach
In the advocacy approach, a skilled negotiator usually serves
as advocate for one party to the negotiation and attempts to
obtain the most favorable outcomes possible for that party. In
this process the negotiator attempts to determine the minimum
outcome(s) the other party is (or parties are) willing to accept,
then adjusts their demands accordingly. A "successful"
negotiation in the advocacy approach is when the negotiator is
able to obtain all or most of the outcomes their party desires,
but without driving the other party to permanently break off
negotiations, unless the best alternative to a negotiated
agreement (BATNA) is acceptable.

Other Negotiation Styles
Shell identified five styles/responses to negotiation.
Individuals can often have strong dispositions towards numerous
styles; the style used during a negotiation depends on the
context and the interests of the other party, among other
factors. In addition, styles can change over time.
• Accommodating: Individuals who enjoy solving the other
party’s problems and preserving personal relationships.
Accommodators are sensitive to the emotional states, body
language, and verbal signals of the other parties. They can,
however, feel taken advantage of in situations when the other
party places little emphasis on the relationship.

• Avoiding: Individuals who do not like to negotiate
and don’t do it unless warranted. When negotiating,
avoiders tend to defer and dodge the confrontational
aspects of negotiating; however, they may be
perceived as tactful and diplomatic.
• Collaborating: Individuals who enjoy negotiations
that involve solving tough problems in creative ways.
Collaborators are good at using negotiations to
understand the concerns and interests of the other
parties. They can, however, create problems by
transforming simple situations into more complex
ones.

• Competing: Individuals who enjoy negotiations because they
present an opportunity to win something. Competitive
negotiators have strong instincts for all aspects of negotiating
and are often strategic. Because their style can dominate the
bargaining process, competitive negotiators often neglect the
importance of relationships.
• Compromising: Individuals who are eager to close the deal by
doing what is fair and equal for all parties involved in the
negotiation. Compromisers can be useful when there is
limited time to complete the deal; however, compromisers
often unnecessarily rush the negotiation process and make
concessions too quickly.

Adversary or Partner?
Clearly, these two basically different ways of negotiating will require
different approaches. To ignore this can be devastating for the result, but it all
too often happens. Because in the distributive approach each negotiator is
battling for the largest possible piece of the pie, it may be quite appropriate -
within certain limits - to regard the other side more as an adversary than a
partner and to take a somewhat harder line. This would however be less
appropriate if the idea were to hammer out an arrangement that is in the
best interest of both sides. If both win, it's only of secondary importance
which one has the greater advantage. A good agreement is not one with
maximum gain, but optimum gain. This does not by any means suggest that
we should give up our own advantage for nothing. But a cooperative attitude
will regularly pay dividends. What is gained is not at the expense of the other,
but with him.

Bad Faith Negotiation
Bad faith is a concept in negotiation theory whereby parties pretend to
reason to reach settlement, but have no intention to do so, for example, one
political party may pretend to negotiate, with no intention to compromise, for
political effect.
Inherent bad faith model in international relations and political psychology
Bad faith in political science and political psychology refers to negotiating
strategies in which there is no real intention to reach compromise, or a model
of information processing. The "inherent bad faith model" of information
processing is a theory in political psychology that was first put forth by Ole
Holsti to explain the relationship between John Foster Dulles’ beliefs and his
model of information processing. It is the most widely studied model of one's
opponent. A state is presumed to be implacably hostile, and contra-indicators
of this are ignored. They are dismissed as propaganda ploys or signs of
weakness. Examples are John Foster Dulles’ position regarding the Soviet
Union, or Hamas's position on the state of Israel

Emotion In Negotiation
Emotions play an important part in the negotiation process,
although it is only in recent years that their effect is being
studied. Emotions have the potential to play either a positive or
negative role in negotiation. During negotiations, the decision as
to whether or not to settle, rests in part on emotional factors.
Negative emotions can cause intense and even irrational
behavior, and can cause conflicts to escalate and negotiations to
break down, but may be instrumental in attaining concessions.
On the other hand, positive emotions often facilitate reaching an
agreement and help to maximize joint gains, but can also be
instrumental in attaining concessions. Positive and negative
discrete emotions can be strategically displayed to influence task
and relational outcomes and may play out differently across
cultural boundaries.

Positive Affect In Negotiation
Even before the negotiation process starts, people in a positive mood have more
confidence, and higher tendencies to plan to use a cooperative strategy. During the negotiation,
negotiators who are in a positive mood tend to enjoy the interaction more, show less
contentious behavior, use less aggressive tactics and more cooperative strategies. This in turn
increases the likelihood that parties will reach their instrumental goals, and enhance the ability
to find integrative gains. Indeed, compared with negotiators with negative or natural affectivity,
negotiators with positive affectivity reached more agreements and tended to honor those
agreements more.
Those favorable outcomes are due to better decision making processes, such as flexible thinking,
creative problem solving, respect for others' perspectives, willingness to take risks and higher
confidence.
Post negotiation positive affect has beneficial consequences as well. It increases satisfaction with
achieved outcome and influences one’s desire for future interactions. The PA aroused by reaching
an agreement facilitates the dyadic relationship, which result in affective commitment that sets
the stage for subsequent interactions.
PA also has its drawbacks: it distorts perception of self performance, such that performance
is judged to be relatively better than it actually is. Thus, studies involving self reports on achieved
outcomes might be biased.

Negative Affect In Negotiation
Negative affect has detrimental effects on various stages in the negotiation
process. Although various negative emotions affect negotiation outcomes, by
far the most researched is anger. Angry negotiators plan to use more
competitive strategies and to cooperate less, even before the negotiation
starts. These competitive strategies are related to reduced joint outcomes.
During negotiations, anger disrupts the process by reducing the level of trust,
clouding parties' judgment, narrowing parties' focus of attention and changing
their central goal from reaching agreement to retaliating against the other side.
Angry negotiators pay less attention to opponent’s interests and are less
accurate in judging their interests, thus achieve lower joint gains. Moreover,
because anger makes negotiators more self-centered in their preferences, it
increases the likelihood that they will reject profitable offers.

Opponents who really get angry (or cry, or otherwise lose control)
are more likely to make errors: make sure they are in your favor.
Anger doesn’t help in achieving negotiation goals either: it reduces joint
gains and does not help to boost personal gains, as angry negotiators
don’t succeed in claiming more for themselves. Moreover, negative
emotions lead to acceptance of settlements that are not in the positive
utility function but rather have a negative utility. However, expression of
negative emotions during negotiation can sometimes be beneficial:
legitimately expressed anger can be an effective way to show one's
commitment, sincerity, and needs. Moreover, although NA reduces
gains in integrative tasks, it is a better strategy than PA in distributive
tasks (such as zero-sum). In his work on negative affect arousal and
white noise, Seidner found support for the existence of a negative affect
arousal mechanism through observations regarding the devaluation of
speakers from other ethnic origins." Negotiation may be negatively
affected, in turn, by submerged hostility toward an ethnic or gender
group.

Competitive VS. Collaborative
Negotiations

Competitive Negotiations

Competitive Negotiation
In competitive negotiation, the approach is to
treat the process as a competition that is to be won
or lost.
Zero sum
The basic assumption of competitive negotiation
is that it is a 'zero sum game'. That is, the people
involved believe that there is a fixed amount to be
gained which both people desire, and if one person
gains then the other person loses. It is like arguing
over a pie: if one person gets a piece of the pie then
the other person does not.

Win-lose
The outcome of zero-sum negotiation is
defined in terms of winners and losers. One
person gets what they want and feels smug (or
maybe a bit guilty), while the other person loses
out and feels cheated or a failure.
Zero sum

Substance only
• In competitive negotiation, the substance of what is
being traded is the only real concern, and dealings
are done in a hard and 'what I can get' way.
• A way of thinking zero-sum is to translate everything
into financial terms. Thus, for example, if you are
buying or selling a car, you think first in terms of its
resale value. The only perceived negotiable for many
competitive negotiators is price.

Substance only
Unimportant relationship
• In competitive negotiation, the relationship between the
people is unimportant. They do not care about one
another or what the other thinks about them. This
typically occurs in one-off sales where 'caveat emptor' is
a key rule.
• To show concern for the other person is to show
weakness that may be taken advantage of. This can lead
to trickery where false concern is shown, and reactions
where any show of concern is perceived as likely trickery
(and can lead to attempts of two-faced double-dealing).

Competitive Strategy
Competitive strategies that seek substantial gains focus on
hard exchange and may descend into deceptive double-dealing.
Hard exchange
• In a hard exchange, what is being exchanged is clear and
above-board and both sides agree to the deal. There is no
trickery or pressure and the players agree to the exchange,
albeit with one person potentially more satisfied than the
other.
• The hard exchange is like a fair fight. Both players accept the
rules and play cleanly (although perhaps based more on a
respect for the rules than respect for the other person). This
may be encouraged by potential punishment for double
dealing, such as in the litigation that sellers may face.

Competitive Strategy
Double dealing
The alternative method of competitive negotiation is to
throw the rulebook out of the window and resort to tricky
approaches such as aggression and deception. Either party
may tell lies and use verbal or even physical persuasive
methods. We are all bound by internal values and the level
of trickery or physicality used will vary along a spectrum.
Although we may find this distasteful, we all know that it
happens and many of us have been less than fully truthful
in our negotiations.

Collaborative Negotiations
Just negotiating collaboratively is not enough to win
together; however, without collaborative negotiation we will
surely lose together. As such we also share the other aspects
that contribute towards achieving success with collaborative
negotiation. These include: addressing the factors that affect
collaboration internally and externally; developing a method for
effective partner selection before the negotiation even begins;
and agreeing how best to design the relationship for effective
delivery of commitments and relationship success once the
negotiation concludes.

Collaboration is easy to say, but not so easy in
practice
The Oxford English Dictionary offers a simple
definition of collaboration: ‘to work jointly’. I would
build on that from a business perspective to describe
collaboration as: ‘to work jointly towards an agreed
goal or objective’. At a general level, human beings aim
to be collaborative. But why is it that within and across
organizations people find collaboration so difficult?
Why is it that the effort expended in collaborative talks
frequently shows little positive return in practice?

Everyone knows the forces pushing towards increased
organizational collaboration continue to grow. They also know that
customers want solutions not products; that the pace of change is
increasing; that organizations must focus on what they do well and
work with others that offer complementary assets and capabilities.
In Wikinomics[1] the authors wax lyrical about the future of
collaboration. It’s easy to talk about collaboration but knowing
‘how’ to do it well is a different story. In my book Alliance Brand:
Fulfilling The Promise of Partnering [2] it shows organizations ‘how’
to win with partnering and alliances, where being able to
collaborate is one of the seven key elements that make up an
organization's capability to partner.
[1] Tapscott, Don and Wiliams, Anthony D Wikinomics How Mass Collaboration Changes
Everything, Atlantic Books, 2006.
[2] Darby, Mark Alliance Brand: Fulfilling the Promise of Partnering John Wiley & Sons
2006.

Factors Affecting Collaboration
We believe that all negotiators act with positive intent; it
might not be their fault that a relationship falls apart at the time
or later in life, or maybe they are just not aware that terms
struck could actually cause conflict in operation. There are
usually bigger factors at play, many of which will be explicit, but
some of which may be implicitly driving behaviors and are
therefore harder to recognize. My work with organizations both
large and small suggests there is a common set of ‘factors
affecting collaboration’. These contribute towards an
organization's culture and must all be pointing in the right
direction for it to be able to collaborate well internally, and must
complement (not conflict with) the organizations that it wishes
to work with externally (see Figure 1).

BT Global Services (BTGS) is a great example of an
organization addressing the factors affecting
collaboration as it seeks to double its revenues from
partnering over the next three years. Steve Cash is
General Manager for BTGS Systems Integrators & Channel
Partners (SI&CP) and the person responsible for the BTGS
Partner of Choice Program, the initiative that makes the
partnering aspirations a reality. Steve and his team have
adopted ALLIANTIST methods and are already seeing
positive results; over the past 12 months BTGS has
addressed about 30 factors that were affecting
collaboration; both internal and external. These include:

• Clarifying its strategy, purpose and interest in the context of any future
partnering activity and expecting the same of its partners (including
sharing tools and methods with partners to help them make better
decisions on collaborative intent with BTGS);
• A change in leadership of BTGS where the new messages firmly
emphasize collaboration (internally and externally) as a key means of
achieving results;
• Making organization structure changes to enable verticals (BTGS
customer lines of business; for example, government) to collaborate
alongside SI&CP teams to win more business together instead of
competing for the same opportunities;
• Introducing PAM™ software to enable effective partner search,
selection and negotiation for teams as well as a comprehensive
governance process to ensure that the total portfolio of BTGS partners
is considered for each opportunity;

• Introducing partnering training and development initiatives for all staff
alongside the software tools that together equip users to collaborate
more effectively — this includes C-level (CEO, COO, SVP and other
senior decision makers) Partner Vision programs with selected
partners and the articulation and expression of an ‘SI&CP Way’, where
role modeling behaviors are rewarded and old ways of working are
consigned to Room 101.
• Significant changes to reward structures — whereas formerly vertical
teams and SI&CP were incented to compete, now they are rewarded
for collaboration — pay plans, targets and models to ensure a ‘channel
neutral’ effect on meeting the customer need have been introduced;
and
• There is a range of consequences too — failure to share information
early on may lead to loss of financial bonuses, and the organization has
started to make its intentions known for those who choose not to
embrace the new methods and behaviors.

Exploring

Barriers To Effective Communication
& How To Overcome Them

Barriers to Effective Communication
• There are many reasons why interpersonal
communications may fail. In many communications,
the message (what is said) may not be received
exactly the way the sender intended. It is, therefore,
important that the communicator seeks feedback to
check that their message is clearly understood.
• The skills of Active
Listening, Clarification and Reflection may help but
the skilled communicator also needs to be aware of
the barriers to effective communication and how to
avoid or overcome them.

There are many barriers to communication and
these may occur at any stage in the communication
process. Barriers may lead to your message
becoming distorted and you therefore risk wasting
both time and/or money by causing confusion and
misunderstanding.
Effective communication involves overcoming
these barriers and conveying a clear and concise
message.

Common Barriers to Effective
Communication
The use of jargon. Over-complicated, unfamiliar and/or technical
terms.
Emotional barriers and taboos. Some people may find it difficult
to express their emotions and some topics may be completely
'off-limits' or taboo.
Lack of attention, interest, distractions, or irrelevance to the
receiver. (See our page Barriers to Effective Listening for more
information).
Differences in perception and viewpoint.
Physical disabilities such as hearing problems or speech
difficulties.

• Physical barriers to non-verbal communication. Not being able to see the
non-verbal cues, gestures, posture and general body language can make
communication less effective.
• Language differences and the difficulty in understanding unfamiliar
accents.
• Expectations and prejudices which may lead to false assumptions or
stereotyping. People often hear what they expect to hear rather than what
is actually said and jump to incorrect conclusions.
• Cultural differences. The norms of social interaction vary greatly in
different cultures, as do the way in which emotions are expressed. For
example, the concept of personal space varies between cultures and
between different social settings.

A Categorization of Barriers to
Communication

Language Barriers
Clearly, language and linguistic ability may act as a barrier to
communication. However, even when communicating in the
same language, the terminology used in a message may act as a
barrier if it is not fully understood by the receiver(s). For
example, a message that includes a lot of specialist jargon and
abbreviations will not be understood by a receiver who is not
familiar with the terminology used. Regional colloquialisms and
expressions may be misinterpreted or even considered offensive.
See our page: Effective Speaking for more information.

Psychological Barriers
The psychological state of the receiver will influence how the message is
received. For example, if someone has personal worries and is stressed, they
may be preoccupied by personal concerns and not as receptive to the message
as if they were not stressed. Stress management is an important personal skill
that affects our interpersonal relationships. See our pages What is
Stress? and Avoiding Stress for more information. Anger is another example of
a psychological barrier to communication, when we are angry it is easy to say
things that we may later regret and also to misinterpret what others are saying.
See our pages: What is Anger?, Anger Management and Anger Management
Therapy for more information. More generally people with low self-esteem
may be less assertive and therefore may not feel comfortable communicating -
they may feel shy about saying how they really feel or read negative sub-texts
into messages they hear. Visit our pages on Improving Self-
Esteem and Assertiveness for more information.

• Physiological Barriers
Physiological barriers may result from the receiver’s physical
state: for example, a receiver with reduced hearing may not
grasp to entirety of a spoken conversation especially if there is
significant background noise.
• Physical Barriers
An example of a physical barrier to communication is
geographic distance between the sender and
receiver(s). Communication is generally easier over shorter
distances as more communication channels are available and
less technology is required. Although modern technology often
serves to reduce the impact of physical barriers, the advantages
and disadvantages of each communication channel should be
understood so that an appropriate channel can be used to
overcome the physical barriers.

• Systematic Barriers
Systematic barriers to communication may exist in structures and
organizations where there are inefficient or inappropriate information
systems and communication channels, or where there is a lack of
understanding of the roles and responsibilities for communication. In
such organizations, individuals may be unclear of their role in the
communication process and therefore not know what is expected of
them.
• Attitudinal Barriers
Attitudinal barriers are behaviors or perceptions that prevent
people from communicating effectively. Attitudinal barriers to
communication may result from personality conflicts, poor
management, resistance to change or a lack of motivation. Effective
receivers of messages should attempt to overcome their own
attitudinal barriers to facilitate effective communication.

Nonverbal Communication

Introduction in Nonverbal
Communication
Communication in general is process of sending and
receiving messages that enables humans to share knowledge,
attitudes, and skills. Although we usually identify
communication with speech, communication is composed of
two dimensions - verbal and nonverbal.
Nonverbal communication has been defined as
communication without words. It includes apparent behaviors
such as facial expressions, eyes, touching, and tone of voice,
as well as less obvious messages such as dress, posture and
spatial distance between two or more people.

Everything communicates,” including material
objects, physical space, and time systems. Although
verbal output can be turned off, nonverbal
cannot. Even silence speaks.
No matter how one can try, one cannot not
communicate. Activity or inactivity, words or silence
all have message value: they influence others and
these others, in turn, cannot not respond to these
communications and are thus themselves
communicating.

BODY MOVEMENTS, GESTURES AND
POSTURES
Movements and gestures by the hands, arms, legs, and other
parts of the body and face are the most pervasive types of
nonverbal messages and the most difficult to control. It is
estimated that there are over 200.000 physical signs capable of
stimulating meaning in another person (some social scientists
state even 700.000). For example, there are 23 distinct eyebrow
movements, each capable of stimulating a different meaning.
Humans express attitudes toward themselves and vividly
through body motions and posture. Bodies movements elucidate
true messages about feeling that cannot be masked. Because
such avenues of communication are visual, they travel much
farther than spoken words and are unaffected by the presence of
noise that interrupt, or cancels out speech.

People communicate by the way they walk, stand,
and sit. We tend to be more relaxed with friends or
when addressing those of lower status.
Body orientation also indicates status or liking of the
other individual. More direct orientation is related to a
more positive attitude.
Body movements and postures alone have no exact
meaning, but they can greatly support or reject the
spoken word. It these two means of communication are
dichotomized and contradict each other, some result
will be a disordered image and most often the
nonverbal will dominate.

Gestures
Cognitively, gestures operate to clarify,
contradict, or replace verbal messages. Gestures
also serve an important function with regard to
regulating the flow of conversation. For
example, if a student is talking in class, single
nods of the head from the teacher will likely
cause that student to continue and perhaps
elaborate.

Posture
Postures as well as gestures are used to indicate
attitudes, status, affective moods, approval,
deception, warmth, and other variables related to
classroom interaction.
Ekman and Friesen (1967) have suggested that
posture conveys gross or overall affect (liking),
while specific emotions are communicated by more
discreet, facial and body movements.

FACIAL EXPRESSION
The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words”
well describes the meaning of facial expression. Facial
appearance - including wrinkles, muscle tone, skin
coloration, and eye color-offers enduring cues that
reveal information about age, sex, race, ethnic origin,
and status.

Varieties of Expressions
• A less permanent second set of facial cues-including length of hair,
hairstyle, cleanliness, and facial hair-relate to an individual’s idea of
beauty.
• A third group of facial markers are momentary expressions that signal that
cause changes in the forehead, eyebrows, eyelids, cheeks, nose, lips, and
chin, such as raising the eyebrows, wrinkling the brow, curling the lip.
• Some facial expressions are readily visible, while others are fleeting. Both
types can positively or negatively reinforce the spoken word and convey
cues concerning emotions and attitude.
• Next to words the human face is the primary source of information for
determining an individual’s internal feelings.

Face Talks
Facial expressions may be unintentional or
intentional.
The facial expression for fear is an example of an
involuntary gesture - people generally do not think
of how to move facial muscles when truly
frightened.
Facial expressions can also be voluntary, as when
an individual wants deliberately to hide feelings for
different reasons

Often people try to hide feelings and emotions
behind masks. The frown, jutting chin, raise eyebrow,
open mouth, and sneer are facial expressions that can
betray and ultimately broadcast deception. All humans
are capable of faking a happy or a sad face, a smile or a
frown. I found interesting statement that the timing
gives them away. They cannot determine how long to
keep it or how quickly to let it go. Makes sense.

EYES
The most dominant and reliable features of the face,
the eyes, provide a constant channel of communication.
They can be shifty and evasive; convey hate, fear, and
guilt; or express confidence, love, and support.

Referred to as “mirrors of the soul,” the eye
serve as the major decision factor in interpreting
the spoken words.
The eyes of the man converse as much as their
tongues, with the advantage that the ocular dialect
needs no dictionary, but is understood, all the
world over. When the eye say one thing, and the
tongue another, a practiced man relies on eye.

What Is Effective Communication?

Effective Communication
Effective communication helps us better understand a
person or situation and enables us to resolve differences,
build trust and respect, and create environments where
creative ideas, problem solving, affection, and caring can
flourish. As simple as communication seems, much of what we
try to communicate to others—and what others try to
communicate to us—gets misunderstood, which can cause
conflict and frustration in personal and professional
relationships. By learning these effective communication skills,
you can better connect with your spouse, kids, friends, and
coworkers.

What is effective communication?
• In the information age, we have to send, receive, and process huge numbers of
messages every day. But effective communication is about more than just
exchanging information; it's also about understanding the emotion behind the
information. Effective communication can improve relationships at home, work,
and in social situations by deepening your connections to others and improving
teamwork, decision-making, and problem solving. It enables you to communicate
even negative or difficult messages without creating conflict or destroying trust.
Effective communication combines a set of skills including nonverbal
communication, attentive listening, the ability to manage stress in the moment,
and the capacity to recognize and understand your own emotions and those of the
person you’re communicating with.
• While effective communication is a learned skill, it is more effective when it’s
spontaneous rather than formulaic. A speech that is read, for example, rarely has
the same impact as a speech that’s delivered (or appears to be delivered)
spontaneously. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and
become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the
more instinctive and spontaneous your communication skills will become.

Effective communication
• Skills #1: Listening
Listening is one of the most important aspects of
effective communication. Successful listening means
not just understanding the words or the information
being communicated, but also understanding how the
speaker feels about what they’re communicating.
– Tips for effective listening
• Focus fully on the speaker
• Avoid interrupting
• Avoid seeming judgmental
• Show your interest

• Skills #2: Nonverbal Communication
When we communicate things that we care about, we do
so mainly using nonverbal signals. Wordless communication,
or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement
and gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice,
and even your muscle tension and breathing. The way you
look, listen, move, and react to another person tells them
more about how you’re feeling than words alone ever can.
Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal
communication can help you connect with others, express
what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and
build better relationships at home and work.

• Tips for improving how you read nonverbal
communication
– Practice observing people
– Be aware of individual differences
– Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group
• Tips for improving how to deliver nonverbal
communication
– Use nonverbal signals that match up with your words
– Adjust your nonverbal signals according to the context
– Use body language to convey positive feelings

• Skills #3: Managing stress
In small doses, stress can help you perform under pressure.
However, when stress becomes constant and overwhelming, it can
hamper effective communication by disrupting your capacity to think
clearly and creatively, and act appropriately. When you’re stressed,
you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-
putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns
of behavior.
How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement
with your spouse, kids, boss, friends, or coworkers and then said or
done something you later regretted? If you can quickly relieve stress
and return to a calm state, you’ll not only avoid such regrets, but in
many cases you’ll also help to calm the other person as well. It’s only
when you’re in a calm, relaxed state that you'll be able to know
whether the situation requires a response, or whether the other
person’s signals indicate it would be better to remain silent.

• Quick stress relief for effective communication
– Recognize when you’re becoming stressed
– Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue
– Bring your senses to the rescue
– Look for humor in the situation
– Be willing to compromise
– Agree to disagree

• Skills #4: Emotional awareness
Emotions play an important role in the way we communicate at home and
work. It’s the way you feel, more than the way you think, that motivates you to
communicate or to make decisions. The way you react to emotionally driven,
nonverbal cues affects both how you understand other people and how they
understand you. If you are out of touch with your feelings, and don’t understand
how you feel or why you feel that way, you’ll have a hard time communicating
your feelings and needs to others. This can result in frustration,
misunderstandings, and conflict. When you don’t address what’s really bothering
you, you often become embroiled in petty squabbles instead—arguing with your
spouse about how the towels should be hung, for example, or with a coworker
about whose turn it is to restock the copier.

Emotional awareness provides you the tools needed for
understanding both yourself and other people, and the real
messages they are communicating to you. Although knowing
your own feelings may seem simple, many people ignore or try
to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. But your
ability to communicate depends on being connected to these
feelings. If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on
communicating only on a rational level, it will impair your ability
to fully understand others, creatively problem solve, resolve
conflicts, or build an affectionate connection with someone.

• How emotional awareness can improve effective communication
– Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your moment-to-
moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your
feelings appropriately is the basis for effective communication.
– Emotional awareness helps you:
– Understand and empathize with what is really troubling other people
– Understand yourself, including what’s really troubling you and what
you really want
– Stay motivated to understand and empathize with the person you’re
interacting with, even if you don’t like them or their message
– Communicate clearly and effectively, even when delivering negative
messages
– Build strong, trusting, and rewarding relationships, think creatively,
solve problems, and resolve conflicts

Styles of Communication

The Five Communication Styles
• Being assertive means respecting yourself and other people.
It is the ability to clearly express your thoughts and feelings
through open, honest and direct communication.
• Becoming more assertive does not mean that you will always
get what you want - but it can help you achieve a
compromise. And even if you don't get the outcome you
want, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you
handled the situation well, and that there are no ill feelings
between you and the other person or people involved in the
discussion.

• Communicating assertively is not a skill reserved for the very
few – anyone can do it - but it does take time and practice if it
is not how you are used to communicating. Fortunately, it is a
technique you can practice and master at home in your own
time – either by yourself or with a friend you can trust to give
you honest feedback. Remember to also think about how the
person you are talking to may react, and how best you might
cope with this.
• Before deciding that you would like to communicate
assertively, you need to have an understanding of what your
usual style of communication is. There are five
communication styles, and while many of us may use different
styles in different situations, most will fall back on one
particular style, which we use as our "default" style.

The Five Communication Styles
• Assertive
• Aggressive
• Passive-aggressive
• Submissive
• Manipulative
• Different sorts of behavior and language are
characteristic of each.

The Assertive Style
Assertive communication is born of high self-
esteem. It is the healthiest and most effective style of
communication - the sweet spot between being too
aggressive and too passive. When we are assertive, we
have the confidence to communicate without resorting
to games or manipulation. We know our limits, and
don't allow ourselves to be pushed beyond them just
because someone else wants or needs something from
us. Surprisingly however, Assertive is the style most
people use least.

The Aggressive Style
This style is about winning – often at someone else's
expense. An aggressive person behaves as if their
needs are the most important, as though they have
more rights, and have more to contribute than other
people. It is an ineffective communication style as the
content of the message may get lost because people
are too busy reacting to the way it's delivered.

The Passive-Aggressive Style
This is a style in which people appear passive on the surface
but are actually acting out their anger in indirect or behind-the-
scenes ways. Prisoners of War often act in passive-aggressive
ways in order to deal with an overwhelming lack of power.
People who behave in this manner usually feel powerless and
resentful, and express their feelings by subtly undermining the
object (real or imagined) of their resentments – even if this ends
up sabotaging themselves. The expression "Cut off your nose to
spite your face" is a perfect description of passive-aggressive
behavior.

The Submissive Style
This style is about pleasing other people and
avoiding conflict. A submissive person behaves as if
other peoples' needs are more important, and
other people have more rights and more to
contribute.

The Manipulative Style
This style is scheming, calculating and shrewd.
Manipulative communicators are skilled at influencing
or controlling others to their own advantage. Their
spoken words hide an underlying message, of which
the other person may be totally unaware.

The Benefits of Understanding the Different
Styles of Communication
• A good understanding of the five basic styles of communication will help you
learn how to react most effectively when confronted with a difficult person. It
will also help you recognize when you are not being assertive, or not behaving
in the most effective way. Remember, you always have a choice as to which
communication style you use. Being assertive is usually the most effective, but
other styles are, of course, necessary in certain situations – such as being
submissive when under physical threat (a mugging, hijacking etc.).
• Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. Once you
understand your own communication style, it is much easier to identify any
shortcomings, or areas which can be improved on, if you want to start
communicating in a more assertive manner.
• If you're serious about strengthening your relationships, reducing stress from
conflict and decreasing unnecessary anxiety in your life, practice being more
assertive. It will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build better
relationships both personally and professionally.
• Remember the first rule of effective communication: the success of the
communication is the responsibility of the communicator

Presentation Skills

Developing The Attitude of a
Successful Public Speaker I
• Remember that you know your subject
• Know your material well.
• Be the expert. Your primary duty is
– to understand what your audience needs to know
– and prepare the message and supporting materials in
a way that delivers your message clearly and
powerfuly

Successful Public Speaker II
• Remember that the stage fright is normal, and
be open about it.
• Practice your presentation, do pilot tests.
• Get the audience to participate.
• Establish a rapport by using names & eye
contact.
• Establish & check the equipment.

Successful Public Speaker III
• Research your audience, get acquainted with at
least one person in the audience.
• Relax, breathe deeply, visualize yourself
successfully.
• Dress comfortably and appropriately.
• Use your own style. Do not imitate anyone.
• Use audiovisual aids, for a visual impact.

Planning
The most critical step in preparation is
understanding the purpose
• Why am I giving this presentation?
• What do I want the audience know or to do at
the end of the presentation?
• How do I want the audience to feel?

4 Types of Presentations
Instructional
Oral Report
Sales
Explanatory
More Persuasive
More Detailed

About 4 Types of Presentations I
• Sales: to sell an idea or suggestion to clients, upper
management, coworkers or employees. To persuade for an
action or belief
• Explanatory: To familiarize, give an overall perspective or
identify new developments. Does not require detail and
persuasion. But should offer the audience new or renewed
information&understanding

About 4 Types of Presentations II
• Instructional: When you want to teach others how
to use something like a new procedure or a piece of
hardware. Needs persuasion, detail & audience
participation
• Oral Report: Bring the audience up to date on
something with which they are already familiar.
Focus on facts, figures &details involve little
persuasive efforts.

Know your audience
• Why should they listen to you?
• How does what you say affect them?
• What is in it for them to listen to you?
• Why is it important for the audience to hear what you have to
say?
• Collect information about what the audience expect to hear.

Sections of a Presentation
There are 3 sections of a presentation
1. Introduction
2. Main Body
3. Conclusion

1. Introduction
• For taking the attention and convincing them to
listen to you.
• Never apologize for anything wrong.
• Make your audience think that they are going to
be informed, entertained or enlightened.
• Start your spech with power.

Main elements in Introduction I
• Begin your talk with an attention getter. With an
interesting story or a question
• Next, tell what is in it for them: Let them know
that your information is relevant to their needs.
• Increase your credibility by relating something
about your background and expertise

Main elements in Introduction II
• Present yor agenda: the outline
“Tell them what you are going to tell them,
Tell them, and
Tell them what you just told them”
• What do you expect of the audience
Inform them on question-answer session etc.

2. Main Body I
• Deliver what you promised in the shortest and most
interesting way
• Keep in mind in structuring your message that
– Attention cycle &
– Pacing
• Use repetition for remembering

2. Main Body II
• Use stories and examples for connection &
association.
• Use intensity by tone of your voice, colors and
bolds are for visual intensity.
• Use visuals, hands, graphics, statistics, group
participation etc.

Conclusion
• Repeat your main idea or begin with
“Let’s review the main points we’ve covered”
• Last opportunity to emphasize main points.
• Must be strong and persuasive.
• You call for and encourage appropriate action

To Do in Visuals
• Check equipment
• Present one idea per slide
• Use dark background and light lettering
• Use maximum 6 lines per slide
• Use maximum 6 words per slide
• Keep slides simple

Avoid in Visuals
• Crowd information.
• Turn your back to audience.
• Just reading lines like notes.
• Go back in slides for repeating.
• Turn off the lights any longer than necessary.

The End

Advanced Negotiation Communication & Presentation Skills

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