Charlotte Bronte provides advice to her friend Nell about passion and marriage in a long letter. She advises Nell to tell Mr. Vincent to directly ask Miss --- for her hand in marriage rather than continuing to send sentimental letters. She also tells Nell to caution Miss --- not to wait for "une grande passion" and to consider Mr. Vincent's offer rationally rather than being repulsed by initial dislike, as intimacy over time could change her view. Bronte argues that mediocrity and moderation in marriage are wise, and that a woman should not fall deeply in love with her husband or let her will be governed by his.

1. Charlotte Bronte: “A Warning Against Passion”
November 20th, 1840
MY DEAREST NELL,--
That last letter of thine treated of matters so high and important I cannot delay answering
it for a day. Now I am about to write thee a discourse, and a piece of advice which thou
must take as if it came from thy grandmother. But in the first place, before I begin with
thee, I have a word to whisper in the ear of Mr. Vincent, and I wish it could reach him.
In the name of St. Chrysostom, St. Simon, and St. Jude, why does not that amiable young
gentleman come forward like a man and say all that he has to say personally, instead of
trifling with kinsmen and kinswomen. "Mr. Vincent," I say, "go personally, and say:
'Miss ---, I want to speak to you.' Miss --- will of course civilly answer: 'I am at your
service, Mr. Vincent.' And then, when the room is cleared of all but yourself and herself,
just take a chair nearer. Insist upon her laying down that silly . . . work, and listening to
you. Then begin, in a clear, distinct, deferential, but determined voice: 'Miss ---, I have a
question to put to you--a very important question: "Will you take me as your husband, for
better, for worse. I am not a rich man, but I have sufficient to support us. I am not a great
man, but I love you honestly and truly. Miss ---, if you knew the world better you would
see that this is an offer not to be despised--a kind attached heart and a moderate
competency." Do this, Mr. Vincent, and you may succeed. Go on writing sentimental and
love-sick letters to ---, and I would not give sixpence for your suit."
So much for Mr. Vincent. Now Miss ---'s turn comes to swallow the black bolus, called a
friend's advice. Say to her: "Is the man a fool? is he a knave? a humbug, a hypocrite, a
ninny, a noodle? If he is any or all of these, of course there is no sense in trifling with
him. Cut him short at once—blast his hopes with lightning rapidity and keenness.
Is he something better than this? has he at least common sense, a good disposition, a
manageable temper?
Then consider the matter." Say further: "You feel a disgust towards him now—an utter
repugnance. Very likely, but be so good as to remember you don't know him; you have
only had three or four days' acquaintance with him. Longer and closer intimacy might
reconcile you to a wonderful extent. And now I'll tell you a word of truth, at which you
may be offended or not as you like." Say to her: "From what I know of your character,
and I think I know it pretty well, I should say you will never love before marriage. After
that ceremony is over, and after you have had some months to settle down, and to get
accustomed to the creature you have taken for your worse half, you will probably make a
most affectionate and happy wife; even if the individual should not prove all you could
wish, you will be indulgent towards his little follies and foibles, and will not feel much
annoyance at them. This will especially be the case if he should have sense sufficient to
allow you to guide him in important matters." Say also: "I hope you will not have the
romantic folly to wait for what the French call 'une grande passion.' My good girl, 'une
grande passion' is 'une grande folie.'

2. Mediocrity in all things is wisdom; mediocrity in the sensations is superlative wisdom."
Say to her: "When you are as old as I am (I am sixty at least, being your grandmother),
you will find that the majority of those worldly precepts, whose seeming coldness shocks
and repels us in youth, are founded in wisdom." 'No girl should fall in love till the offer is
actually made. This maxim is just. I will even extend and confirm it: No young lady
should fall in love till the offer has been made, accepted, the marriage ceremony
performed, and the first half-year of wedded life has passed away. A woman may then
begin to love, but with great precaution, very coolly, very moderately, very rationally. If
she ever loves so much that a harsh word or a cold look cuts her to the heart she is a fool.
If she ever loves so much that her husband's will is her law, and that she has got into a
habit of watching his looks in order that she may anticipate his wishes, she will soon be a
neglected fool. 'I have two studies: you are my study for the success, the credit, and the
respectability of a quiet, tranquil character; Mary is my study for the contempt, the
remorse, the misconstruction which follow the development of feelings in themselves
noble, warm, generous, devoted, and profound, but which, being too freely revealed, too
frankly bestowed, are not estimated at their real value. I never hope to see in this world a
character more truly noble. She would die willingly for one she loved. Her intellect and
her attainments are of the very highest standard. Yet I doubt whether Mary will ever
marry...