The author expresses feeling ugly inside and out, and coping with an unknown mental illness. They find brief happiness in small treasures, but feel they are undeserving and like trash. A dear friend recently committed suicide, which has left the author also considering suicide as an option. They describe their life as bittersweet ugliness and denial, and creating dark drawings helps alleviate their emptiness. The book contains triggering content and is a collection of their worst thoughts and desires.

1. Thisbookcontainstriggeringcontent.Pleasereaditwithcaution.

2. I am ugly. Not just in body but also in soul. I am not sure what
sort of illness my mind has but I know I am not really good at
coping with it. I know though that there are a few things in
this life that I like about myself, that make me forget my ug-
liness. Most of them are denied to me, treasures I can only
wear hidden like a dirty old rat.
That is what my life is compromised of. Bittersweet ugliness
and denial. Misery. I prefer to think of myself as trash in the
vague shape of a human. After all, how could someone like my-
self be worthy of something more?
While I was finishing drawing this book a dear friend of mine
killed himself. He had long decided to do this and repeated
his attempts until he was done. Ever since I found out about
his death, no matter how much pain there was around and in-
side of me, I couldn't stop thinking; maybe he was right.
I want to sleep and never wake up. I hate this, every breath
I take. I just want peace.
This is not a happy book. It's a collection of rough sketch-
es made of my worst thoughts and desires. Drawing material
that goes to the extreme, from rape to abuse and self-injury
is like medicine for the emptiness in my gut. I hope that it
helps you heal whatever wounds you may carry within you.
Best regards
June

20. For more of my artwork, check the link below
junes-art-diary.tumblr.com