1. A TRUE STORY OF MY BESTFRIEND
Dedicated to: Kiana Mari Tyler
I saw my Dad's face when I'm just born. I saw that frown everytime I see him, but I wonder why. After how many
years, when I'm already mature, I knew the reason. It's because he wants a baby boy. I turned sad. But I want to
prove to him that even I'm a girl, I'm even tougher than a boy. Anyways, we live in the farm. Thats why he wants a
boy so someone could help him there. But I will try my very best to help him by milking the cows, feeding the
animals, and carrying some loads. And thats exactly what I did. I even study well in school and got an A+. But still!
He don't appreciate. I went to my room and cried. I cried like rivers long.
Then . . .
*KNOCK* *KNOCK*
I opened the door and saw Mom. "Why are you crying dear?" she asked me in a worried tone. "Its just that why
Papa doesn't appreciate what I done? I worked my hearts out but he doesn't seem to mind at all!" I complained. A
drop falled from Mom's cheek. "I understand you very well, Dear. Everynight, I scolded him for ignoring you. But he
don't mind. He slept instead." Mom told me. After, she leaved the room and I was the only one left inside. "SO MANY
DRAMA IN LIFE!" I screamed to myself.
The next day, I received a letter from St. Nicholas Elementary School. (By the way,That's the name of my school.)
It said :
Dear Kiana,
Will you accept this favor? Can you be our representative for the MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL PARADE? It is a parade
where all beautiful people show their talents by parading in the streets, singing, dancing and wearing their most
beautiful dresses. (GOWNS REQUIRED.)
-Principal Winston
I accepted the favor and practiced my song and my dance number.
*THE DAY OF THE PARADE*
"Thank you Mom. I really love the dress that you gave me." I told her and I kissed her after. It was a pink and light
blue gown with lots of designs- flowers, diamonds, and more.
"I hope Dad will come." I whispered to myself. YES! THERE HE IS! HE IS HOLDING THE BANNER "GO KIANA MARI
TYLER." I cried. But this time, HAPPY TEARS. I sang, dance and paraded proudly. "The most beautiful girl is Kiana
Mari Diego Tyler!" announced the host. I went up the stage and get my trophy. "I'm so happy my Mom and my Dad
went here just to cheer for me." I said in the microphone. I went down, and went directly to my parents.
"Dad, did you now understand me?" I said.
"I want a girl not a boy." he answered.

2. Good Moral
I think the moral of the story is very "cute," might be called. I liked how you tied it up with the dad telling her he
wants a girl, and not a boy.
I noticed while reading that your tenses changed. Here's an example I made up:
I looked at Dad. He sees me.
You didn't write that, yes, but see what I mean? It should have been either I looked and Dad. He saw me. or I look
at Dad. He sees me. So just pay attention to the tenses you use.
And one last thing: description! This is something that I personally love. Your readers want to have a visual image in
their head of what's happening. Don't go overload, but describe the surroundings. Describe her feelings: taste, touch,
sight, what she hears....you know? Description always makes it better and more interesting.
Anyways, I think with a little bit of polishing, fixing the grammar/spelling/tenses, your short story will be a lot
improved!